A Path Well Traveled
Chapter 3
Sharon had thought that telling the team would be the hard part. She had not been prepared for what they were faced with when they finally sat down with their children. Provenza had been a walk in the park by comparison.
Her oldest Lieutenant had not been pleased, of course. He had offered a few choice words on the matter, idiots being among the more harmless ones, but over all, he had shown some restraint. At least until he got a chance to talk to Andy without her around. Provenza had not admitted it, but it was obvious that he had been a little hurt. His best friend had griped about the wicked witch of FID for years when he was at work, only to sneak around behind everyone's backs and sleep with her.
Once he had gotten over the worst of his initial objections, Provenza had gotten even more angry about the leaked photos. Andy was his best friend, and over the past five years, he had grown fond of Sharon as well. His blood boiled at the thought of someone trying to hurt them by dragging up the distant past, by airing the private affairs of two people who valued their privacy as much as Sharon and Andy.
Together, the three of them had decided not to tell the rest of the team. So far, they were looking at a few harmless old photos posted on an obscure website. Provenza assured them that, even if they heard about it, they would not think much of it. There was too much respect between the members of their division for them to stick their noses into things that clearly were none of their business. If this issue turned out to become bigger than it was at present, they would rethink their approach. Until then, it was decided that they would ignore it and move on.
Despite their wait and see approach at work, Sharon and Andy chose to sit down and talk to their children about their past. While it did not exactly concern them, they wanted to avoid hurt feelings and broken trust if at all possible. The main reason they decided to have that conversation before it even became an issue was the fact that her children were scheduled to visit for a few days. It was supposed to be a small celebration of their engagement, but Sharon and Andy used the opportunity of having all of their children in one room. All of them, except Charlie, who still refused to have more contact with his father than absolutely necessary.
It was a lovely evening with a lavish dinner and lively conversation. Nicole and her children took an instant liking to each other, joking and teasing their parents. Rusty, after overcoming his initial bewilderment, contributed more than one embarrassing story about catching the couple in various compromising positions over the almost two years they had been dating. At the time he had not been amused, but in hindsight, the situations were hilarious, especially paired with seeing Sharon and Andy squirm in their seats at the dinner table.
It pained them to have to ruin the exuberant mood, but once the table was cleared of dessert, and drinks were refilled, Sharon glanced at Andy, the set of her mouth and the almost imperceptible straightening of her shoulders enough to let him know it was time. Her hands were folded, resting on the table in front of her, and Andy covered them with his, squeezing them encouragingly as he gave her a small nod.
The conversation around them slowly petered out as the kids picked up on the unspoken conversation between their parents. Four pairs of eyes were focused on them, making Sharon even more nervous than she already was. Her stomach was tied in knots as she tried to find the right words to start. Andy's presence beside her and the warmth of his hand on hers gave her comfort and strength, and she briefly reflected on how true that had been for so many years.
"There is something Andy and I need to tell you," she finally began.
"Are you pregnant?" came Ricky's immediate question, his tone dead serious. Only the slight twinkle in his eyes gave him away.
Sharon's and Rusty's eyes widened simultaneously, and while the former blushed and gaped at her offspring, the latter buried his face in his hands and groaned. "Dude! Gross," he exclaimed, shaking his head as if he was trying to dislodge the images his older brother's question had evoked.
On the other side of the table, Nicole's grin turned into laughter when Emily slapped the back of Ricky's head and rolled her eyes. Andy shook his head at the exchange, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly as he tried to contain his amusement.
Narrowing her eyes at Ricky and Emily, Sharon sighed. "Children, please," she admonished them.
It took a moment for them to settle down completely, giving Sharon a little more time to consider her next words. She decided not to address Ricky's preposterous question.
"Ordinarily, we would not talk to you about this, because it is rather personal and, considering everything that has happened over the last two years, we did not think it would be relevant anymore."
She had everyone's undivided attention after that statement, and after a sideways glance at the man next to her, she continued.
"Something has come up last week, however, and we thought that we should tell you about this before you hear it somewhere else."
Her older children frowned, both leaning forward, their arms resting on the table. Rusty shifted nervously in his seat, his hands subconsciously rubbing back and forth on his thighs as if he was trying to dry them. Nicole sat back, her arms crossed in front of her, her brows drawn together in a frown that looked very much like her father's. She was already on the defensive, and Sharon wondered if she would ever trust her father enough to not immediately think the worst.
When Sharon gave him a nod, Andy pushed a folder that had been sitting on the table in front of them over to Rusty. The boy opened it and slowly lifted a printout of the article out of it. He put it in the middle of the table and turned it slightly so that they could all look at it together.
They had debated on how to tell their children about the part of their past that they had spent so many years hiding. There was no easy way to do it, and in the end they had figured that it would be best to simply show them and then confront their questions afterwards.
Sharon turned one of her hands beneath Andy's, allowing their fingers to entwine as they held on to each other in support. Time seemed to pass in a crawl, but when the reactions finally came, the couple still were not ready.
"I don't believe this!"
It was Nicole who was first to make her outrage known. She pushed her chair back and got up, pacing back and forth behind it.
"Over two years ago, we stood right here in this room, and you told me that you were just friends. You insisted that there was nothing else going on between the two of you, and now you're telling us that you've been – what?"
She threw her hands in the air, shaking her head in disgust. Her eyes were almost black as she glared at them. If the matter were less serious, Sharon would laugh at how much like her father she was. All too often over the years had she been faced with a similar expression.
Next to her, she felt Andy tense. He had expected that his daughter would react badly, and he feared that the relationship they had built over the last several years would be damaged by their revelation. Sharon had promised him that they would do everything they could to make sure that did not happen.
"Nicole," she tried in a calm, placating voice. "We were not lying to you when we said that we were just friends."
The young woman put her hands on her hips and sneered down at Sharon, her tone biting. "Oh yeah? You simply forgot to mention the benefits part of your friendship, is that it?"
Before Sharon was able to come up with an answer, Andy rose from his chair and, bracing his hands on the table, leaned towards his daughter with a thunderous expression on his face.
"That's enough! I get that you're angry, but I won't let you talk to Sharon that way. She has done nothing wrong. It's me you're pissed off at, so don't let it out on her."
A gentle touch on his back calmed him down a little, but he did not back down. He understood Nicole's disappointment, and he knew that it was his own fault that she did not trust him, but he would not allow her to use that tone with his fiancée.
"Oh, I don't know. Right now, I'm pretty angry at both of you," she shot back with a glare. "I just," she paused, shaking her head once more. "Excuse me, but I can't do this right now."
With that, Nicole turned away from the dining room table and strode across the room to the partly opened patio doors and stepped out onto the balcony. When Andy called after her and was ready to follow her, Sharon wrapped her hand around his arm, keeping him beside her.
"Let her go, Andy. She needs a moment to think about this."
It was something Sharon could relate to, and she knew that Andy would not help his case if he started an argument with his daughter at that moment. The young woman was not going anywhere. It could not hurt to let her calm down for a little while. In the meantime, they still had her children to deal with, all of whom were suspiciously quiet.
Andy hesitated, his eyes still on the door his daughter had just stepped through, but then he relented. With a sigh, he returned to his seat beside his fiancée, bringing his attention back to the people who remained sitting around the table.
Everyone was quiet for a little while, sipping their drinks, not looking at one another. It was an awkward silence, heavy with the words that had been said and words yet unspoken. Sharon knew that she needed to address the elephant in the room, but after the way Nicole had reacted, she was reluctant, worrying about her own children's response. Several times, she drew a deep breath to speak, only to close her mouth again when words evaded her.
It was Ricky who finally broke the silence. Slowly twisting his glass between his fingers, he studied the way the red wine sloshed around inside. He appeared totally transfixed by his actions, and his voice sounded almost distracted.
"You know, when I was little, I was convinced that Mom had made a mistake and that there was a real father for me out there somewhere." He finally looked up at his mother with pleading eyes, his expression almost serious. "Please tell me this is you finally coming clean. You'd totally make my day, Mom."
Sharon choked on her tea, and Andy gently patted her back as he tried to figure out if he wanted to shake the boy or laugh. Rusty had obviously chosen laughter, while Emily silently glared at her brother.
When he realized that Sharon was still struggling to breathe, Andy took it upon himself to set the younger man straight.
"Sorry to disappoint you, Ricky, but I'm afraid that you'll have to make do with Jack. I didn't even know your mother before you were born."
The slumped shoulders and exaggerated pout did not completely mask the true disappointment that lay hidden beneath the jokes. It saddened him to see a glimpse of the little boy who desperately wanted a Dad who loved him enough to be there when he was needed, who chose his kids over booze and cards. It was a painful reminder of the way his own children must have felt when he had decided to drown his problems in a bottle instead of coming home to play with them. The only difference was that Sharon had done her best to get Jack to stay involved, even if the result was rarely more than a phone call for their birthdays. Sandra, on the other hand, had not been too eager to let him be a part of Nicole's and Charlie's lives. She had found someone who had been a better father to them.
"Are you sure about that? Because you guys definitely have the same strange sense of humor," Rusty piped in, tilting his head slightly as he studied the two men.
A strangled sound came from Andy's right where Sharon had her face buried in her hands, her shoulders shaking.
"You're right. He also shares my talent for stepping into it with both feet, but I'm sure that I'm not responsible for him. I'd remember that. Your mom is not the kind of woman you forget meeting."
If he gave his last word a little more emphasis, he would deny that it was done on purpose, just as he would deny that the reactions it provoked were extremely satisfying. Both boys shuddered and groaned in disgust at the concept of what they liked to call old people sex, and the woman next to him unsuccessfully tried to suppress a snort.
A little while later, after finally having regained her breath, Sharon let her flattened hands glide over the smooth, dark wood of the table, attempting to focus her thoughts on the original purpose of their conversation once again. As much as she enjoyed seeing her family laugh and joke together, they needed to discuss this issue in order to move on, and the sooner they got it over with, the sooner they could put it behind them.
"As Andy said, we did not even know each other until years after the two of you were born." She stared at her fingers that were curled around her tea cup before she looked up to seek out her children's faces one by one.
"Look, I'm not going to go into detail, because that is between Andy and I. What you need to know is that when your father left and I was having a hard time dealing with that, Andy was there for me. It was different from what we are having now, but it was what we both needed at the time."
Once again, she felt Andy's hand covering one of hers, and she cast a quick glance at him. In the depth of his dark eyes, she saw everything she was feeling as well. There was the pain of past regrets, gratitude for having had someone to help carry the weight of broken promises, and happiness for the love and friendship that had grown out of all that eventually.
That first night, when they had shared a few drunken moments in the back of her car, she had never expected that they would end up loving one another, that she would reach a point where she was unable to imagine her life without him.
"So, you guys had some kind of occasional hook-up arrangement going on?" It was Ricky who once again bluntly stated what the other two kids were thinking.
Both Sharon and Andy cringed at the unflattering image his words created, but he was not entirely wrong. That might not have been all they were to one another, even all those years ago, but there was no need to fill them in on every little detail of their past relationship, especially considering that there were some things the two of them had not even discussed with each other.
"Something like that," Andy replied as he stared into his fiancée's eyes, their wordless communication conveying so much more.
On the other end of the table, Emily huffed in annoyance, drawing everyone's attention to her.
"I can't believe you can just shrug this off with a flippant remark, Ricky," she threw at her brother with an annoyed glare.
His previously amused expression turned into one of confusion as he frowned at the young woman.
"What do you expect me to do, Emily? Do you want me to send Mom to her room without dinner? And for what? For daring to live a little?"
He really did not understand his sister. Not too long ago, she had encouraged their mother to go out more, to find someone to share her life with. That had been before they knew about her friendship with Andy, before Rusty had been in the picture. Why she suddenly resented the idea of their mom actually having done all that, he did not know.
She sighed and rolled her eyes at Ricky's exaggeration. He liked to be overly dramatic.
"That's not what I meant," she protested. Then she faced her mother and future stepfather. "It's not that I'm not glad you found each other or that you weren't alone when Dad left. It's just that all these years, you led us to believe that, despite all the horrible things he did, you were always faithful to Dad. I don't know what to think of all this." She gestured at the couple across the table from her. "I mean, I remember seeing Andy at the house a few times when we were little, but you said he was a friend. I never once thought that the two of you were…" She could not say it. Ricky had used the words, but Emily had a hard time seeing her mother like that.
Sharon sighed and closed her eyes briefly, placing her elbows on the table and folding her hands as she leaned forward.
"Emily," she began, her voice soft and full of understanding. "I never meant to deceive you or your brother. I simply decided to be a little more discreet about my extramarital activities than Jack. He might not have been as good a husband as he could have been, and he might have hurt all of us by walking away, but that did not mean that I wanted to hurt him. I also did not want to put you two in a position where you would feel obligated to keep secrets from your father."
She did not share the details of how it all had started, of what had brought her to that bar where she had met Andy the night they had first ended up together. Sharon did not think they needed to know that she had come home from work a week later to find her husband in their bed with another woman, that seeing how little he cared about their marriage had broken her heart. It was not necessary for them to learn that, for once, it had been their mother who had drowned her problems in alcohol, and that her judgment had been just clouded enough to find comfort in the arms of another man.
Maybe they would understand it all better if she did, if she explained how her guilt over having pushed her husband away and over being unfaithful had eaten at her constantly, how she had felt as if she was failing on all fronts, as a wife, a mother, a police officer. Andy had offered a temporary refuge from all that, and she had been the same to him.
"I did the best I could back then. I know it was not always enough, and I am sorry about that."
There were tears in her eyes. Not enough to make it past her lashes, but more than enough to make Ricky feel horrible.
"Mom, don't be ridiculous," he protested. "You gave us everything we needed, even if it meant that you had to stay up around the clock to make it to practice, games, recitals, and PTA while working overtime to pay off Dad's debts. I know that we didn't show you nearly enough how much we appreciated that, and I guess we still don't. You have nothing to apologize for."
"Ricky is right, Mom. I'm sorry that I implied you did something wrong. It's just that you always seemed to have everything figured out. I know that you struggled, but you never let us see it. You always had an answer, you always knew what to do, and you always did the right thing. At least that's what it felt like when we were little. That's not an easy idea to let go of."
She shrugged, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment at the silly, childish image she still had of her mother, even though, logically, she knew that Sharon Raydor was as much a fallible human as everyone else. She was simply better at hiding it.
There was another rather immature idea she was still struggling to let go of. Ever since her father had first left them, she had believed that he would come back. In the beginning, their mother had believed it, too. She had told them that Daddy had some things he needed to take care of and that he would be back soon. At some point, those assurances had turned into the promise that, no matter what, Mommy and Daddy would always love them very much. And then their mom had stopped talking about him, only mentioning him when they asked or the few times he actually remembered that he had a family. During those years, Jack had come and gone as he pleased, sometimes staying for a year or two, sometimes only for a few weeks or days.
Despite all that, Emily had always held on to that small, stubborn hope that they might one day be a real family again. Ricky had no memories of what it was like before their father had left; he was too young to remember. It was different for Emily, and she could not help thinking back to the days when her daddy had laughed and played with her, when he had come home at the end of the day, not smelling of cheap booze or cigarette smoke or a perfume that was not her mother's. She longed for the time when he had made her mother smile and brought that special shine to her eyes that had not been there for many years, not until Andy Flynn had come into her life.
That, more than anything, helped Emily get over her initial shock. Andy made her mother happy. So what if that had started earlier and in a different way than they had thought? The problem was the unrealistic picture she had in her head of her mother and her parent's relationship. That was something she would have to deal with on her own. It was not her mother's responsibility.
Sharon smiled at her daughter, her eyes stinging with unshed tears. It pained her to think how much her children had suffered and were still suffering because of their parents' failed marriage. No matter how much Jack's drinking and gambling was to blame, she would always feel guilty. It took two people to break up a marriage, and she had done her part.
She had realized not too long ago that there was nothing she was able to do to make Jack a better father. That was between him and Ricky and Emily. She could only make sure that her children knew how much she loved them. Maybe, over time, they would understand that there was someone else in their lives now who loved them and considered them family. He might not be able to replace their father, but Andy was a good man, and he cared deeply about her children, just as she loved his.
With the older two taken care of, that only left Rusty to comment. He had followed the conversation quietly, his face not giving anything away. When Sharon turned towards him and raised a questioning eyebrow to prompt him to say what was on his mind, he simply shrugged. His fingers twitched, and she knew that he was trying hard not to pull down the sleeves of his sweater.
"I'm not sure what you want me to say, mom. The way I see it, this is between you and Andy. It's not really any of my business what the two of you did before I came along. Not that I want to know too much about that, anyway." He made a face at the implications of his own words before he continued. "All I care about is that you're happy, and Andy obviously makes you happy."
With a shrug he picked up his soda, hiding his embarrassment behind the glass as he waited for Sharon's reaction. He realized that his attitude towards his mom's relationship with the Lieutenant had not always been that accepting, and he felt shame at the way he had behaved back then. They had talked about that, of course. With Sharon, everything was always a discussion. With Sharon's and Doctor Joe's help he had figured out why he had reacted so negatively to their relationship in the beginning, even though he had seen it coming long before Sharon had. It still made him feel bad that he had been at least part of the reason why they had held back for so long, and every time Sharon was reluctant to share something concerning her relationship with Andy, he was reminded that she had good reason to be weary.
That was long ago, however, and he had learned to accept and appreciate the Lieutenant's presence in their lives. That did not mean that he wanted to know any details, though. What they had done in the past was so far within too much information territory that he wanted to pour bleach into his head for fear of imagining any of it. Why someone would drag out something that happened so long ago, he did not understand, but it angered him that someone was obviously out to hurt his mom and Andy.
Sharon breathed a sigh of relief when the last of her children accepted their revelations without protest. Rusty's reaction had been the one that had most concerned her. His past had made him weary of secrecy and lies, and she had promised him years ago that she would always be honest with him. While she had not technically lied to him, the way she and Andy had talked about their relationship in front of their friends and families had strongly implied a certain narrative. She felt a huge weight tumble off her shoulders when none of her children seemed to have any lingering issues with the fact that she had neglected to share that part of her history.
Next to her, Andy still seemed tense and worried, his glance shifting towards the balcony where Nicole still brooded in solitude. She knew that he would not be able to stay away much longer. Andy hated unresolved conflicts. It had taken them a while to find a way to deal with their own differences of opinion, because she, like Nicole, liked to think things through, while Andy preferred to have it out right away. They had met somewhere in the middle with her taking less time to brood and him learning that giving her a few minutes had its benefits. When they did talk it out, he'd had time to cool down a little and put things into perspective, and she had not yet managed to swallow her anger entirely. It made her more likely to say things she might otherwise have kept to herself, which, it turned out, greatly benefited their relationship.
While they had worked on their conflict resolution strategies, she had become very skilled at recognizing when he had reached the end of his patience for her silence. He had reached that moment a while ago. That he still sat at the table was only due to the fact that he did not want to abandon her before things were settled with her children, and she was grateful for that.
Smiling, she gave his arm a gentle squeeze as she nodded towards the balcony, indicating that he should go ahead and talk to Nicole. His gaze lingered on hers for a moment longer, and she saw apprehension, regret, uncertainty, and so much more reflected in his eyes. Reluctantly he got to his feet and walked over to the balcony door, briefly caressing the back of her neck as he passed behind her.
She watched him step through the sliding door, torn between staying put to give her children a chance to ask questions they might still have and joining Andy outside to support him. Deciding to give father and daughter a few minutes on their own, she returned her attention to her almost cold tea, taking a sip and surreptitiously studying the three young adult that sat around the table with her.
"Are you going to tell grandma and grandpa?"
It was Emily who broke the heavy silence, looking worriedly at her mother. Sharon had not shared with her children how her own parents had reacted to the news that she was getting married again, but she suspected that at least the older two had a pretty good idea.
Her parents were very traditional, deeply religious people. While they were disappointed in Jack for having abandoned his family, they both believed in the words for better or for worse, and did not think divorce was an option. However, they realized that their daughter was more than old enough to make her own decisions. When she had told them that she was seeing another man, one who had a history similar to Jack's, they had shared their opinion rather vehemently. To say that they were displeased to hear that their daughter was engaged once again would have been an understatement.
Sharon knew that they would come around eventually. They might not approve of her decision to get remarried or of the man she had chosen, but they would not miss being present when it happened. She was convinced that, once they met him, her parents would like Andy. They would see that he was nothing like Jack, and that he loved her deeply.
That did not mean, however, that she intended to tell them that she had cheated on her husband with the man she was going to marry. Unless something else came up which would make it absolutely necessary, she would keep that information from them.
"No, I don't think I will. Not at the moment," she responded with a wry smile, which Emily and Ricky returned.
Ricky shrugged, his tone as snarky as he dared when speaking about his grandparents in front of his mother. "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Let's not poke that particular bear."
The last time he had called his grandparents, he had sat through a lengthy lecture on all the ways in which his mother was making a mistake, and he was not all that keen on a repeat performance any time soon. He got the whole respect your elders thing, but when they were questioning the judgment of the woman who had faced all the crap life tossed her way head on without flinching and without complaining, he'd had a hard time keeping quiet. It was only too easy to imagine what they would have to say if they knew their daughter had had a sordid affair for years, and he did not want to hear it. Neither, it seemed, did his mother.
Nicole's back was turned to him when he stepped out onto the balcony. Her hands were braced on the balustrade as she stared out over the city. The view was one of the reasons neither he nor Sharon were too sad that their search for a house had been put on hold for the time being. By day he enjoyed the fact that they could see Griffith Park, but when it was dark, the sight of the city lights was just as breathtaking. That was what his daughter was looking at when he joined her, and he let his gaze travel over the familiar view. He stood next to her at the railing, waiting for her to speak.
When she kept staring into the distance, her jaw clenched stubbornly, he sighed, once again regretting that she got her stubbornness from him.
"Look, I'm sorry I wasn't completely honest with you about how things started between Sharon and I, but that doesn't mean what we told you two years ago wasn't true."
It was hard to keep the frustration out of his voice. He resented the fact that they needed to have this discussion at all, that someone had put them in that position for some stupid reason. Most of all, however, he hated that there was so little trust between him and his children that they could not simply accept that there were things in his past he did not share with them. It was something he only had himself to blame for. Sure, his ex-wife had not helped in that regard, but it was not her fault. It was just so damn frustrating to be forced to prove over and over again that he had changed, that he was a different man now.
"You know, Mom told me not to believe what you were saying about Sharon from the very beginning. I should've listened to her."
The disappointment and bitterness in her voice stung, but what she said next felt like a physical blow.
"When did it start, Dad? Did you cheat on Mom with Sharon?"
She sounded like a little girl, scared to learn the ugly truth about the world. That she even felt the need to ask that question showed him how little his daughter knew about him, and once again, he vowed to do everything he possibly could to change that.
"There are many things your mother can accuse me of, but having been unfaithful isn't one of them. I was a rotten husband, and I wasn't as good a father as I wish I had been, but I was never a cheater. I loved your mother, and I always will in some way. That's why she can drive me crazy like no one else."
That was something that had taken him a while to understand. Sandra only had the power to annoy him beyond words because some part of him still cared what she thought. Indifference was not something he felt towards her, and would likely never be.
"I knew her before you mother and I split up," he began to elaborate. "You probably don't remember, and I'm not even sure if the boys remember, but Ricky and Charlie were on the soccer team together and then they both switched to baseball. She was just another parent, and we got to talk. She was fun and smart, and we had a good time chatting about the job and you kids. That was all it was for years. We were both married, and the thought never occurred."
Of course, he had noticed even back then that she was a very attractive woman, but, as he had told Nicole, he was not a cheater. Even when things between Sandra and him had taken a turn for the worse, he had not considered finding comfort elsewhere.
"The day I signed the divorce papers, we ran into each other. I was feeling like crap, because I just lost my family, and Sharon had a bad fight with her husband. We talked, and one thing lead to another."
He shrugged, glancing at his daughter out of the corner of his eye. She seemed to have relaxed slightly, but she still refused to look at him.
"We didn't have a relationship or anything. Neither one of us was ready for that. It was… simple. We knew and trusted each other, and sometimes it just felt good to be with someone like that."
Andy hoped that Nicole did not need him to expand on that last statement. It was awkward enough to tell his kid about his sex life without having to go into detail, but it seemed that he would not be that lucky.
The young woman finally turned towards him, frowning angrily. Her tone was biting, reminding him of her mother, but at least she was talking to him.
"So what was the arrangement? You gave her a call and you met up at some cheap hotel, or did you buy her dinner first? I can't believe what's happening here. I mean, Mom always said that you screwed around a lot, but I never imagined it would be this bad."
He felt his pulse throb in his temple and his face heat with anger. He got that she was hurt, but there was only so much he would let her get away with. She was stepping perilously close to the line.
"Damn it, Nicole," he growled, louder than he intended. With a deep, measured breath, he attempted to regain at least some control over his temper before he went on in a much calmer, if still tense, voice.
"You don't know what it is like to feel so lonely that you think it will swallow you whole. There were days when I didn't know why I was still getting up in the morning. I realize that I only had myself to blame for that, but knowing that didn't exactly make me feel better, either."
He rubbed a hand over his head, his fingers sliding through his hair in frustration.
"Sharon was there through all of that. I didn't need to explain anything to her. She didn't ask any questions or ask more of me than I could give her at the time, and I did the same in return. She was having a rough couple of years with Jack, and she didn't have the time or energy to get involved with anyone."
With a sigh, Andy tried to push memories of those days back into the dark corners of his mind. Apart from very few exceptions, those were not years he liked to remember.
"Look, I don't expect you to understand. To be honest, I'm not sure I understand all of it myself. What you need to know is that Sharon helped me through a really dark time simply by being part of my life occasionally, and I think that maybe I helped her a little, too. So when we told you that we were just friends, that was the truth. Whatever we were in the past had ended even before Sharon became my boss."
Nicole studied him for a long moment, and he could see the wheels turning inside her head. It was a lot to process, he knew, and he did not think that she would wrap her head around all of it in one night. His hope was that she would at least feel a little better about the whole situation before she left.
"It's just all so confusing," she finally huffed, throwing her hands up in frustration. "You bring her to my wedding as your friend, then you're dating her, but it turns out you were lying about that, but not really, and then you're dating her for real. And now you're telling me that, before you were not dating Sharon, you were having sex with her. Excuse me if I'm having trouble keeping up with the two of you."
Andy could not help but laugh. The way she put it, their relationship did sound a little ridiculous, but it was what it was, and given the outcome, he would not change a single thing about it.
"You're right. It sounds pretty bad," he admitted. Then he reached out to take his daughter's hand, his expression turning serious once again when he stared at her elegant fingers.
"Thing is, it all kinda makes sense from where I'm standing. I've been in love with that woman for half my life, and I can't imagine it without her."
His voice was thick with emotion, and he felt a familiar warmth in his chest as he thought about his fiancée and the place she held in his life and in his heart.
There were tears in Nicole's eyes as she gazed up at her father's face. She saw the truth of his words written all over his features, and she wanted to say something, but forgot all about it when the heard a quiet gasp from the partially opened doorway.
Father and daughter turned simultaneously and saw the subject of their conversation standing just inside the living room, the back of her hand covering her mouth and teary eyes wide as she stared at them. Ricky and Emily stood on either side of her, smiling happily.
After giving her dad a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, she silently slipped through the door to join the rest of the young people inside. Rusty hung back a little, but they all watched as Sharon joined Andy on the patio, closing the door behind her.
When her mother placed a gentle hand on Andy's chest and he cradled her cheek in the palm of his hand, Emily hugged Ricky's arm and laid her cheek against his shoulder with a loud sigh.
Nicole turned away from the couple outside when they started sharing a long, sensual kiss, and she saw her soon-to-be siblings do the same. There were some things they did not need to see.
As they retreated to the dining area, Nicole cast one last glance over her shoulder and smiled. She was still far from understanding the complexity of her father's past with Sharon, but it was all too easy to see that, however it had started, they had ended up exactly where they were meant to be.
She would have to figure out how she felt about everything she had been told. She was still angry that they had not been completely honest with her. Just because she thought they were adorable together did not mean that having been lied to did not still hurt. At some point in the near future, she would sit down with them again for another talk, and, worst of all, she would have to find a way to tell her brother without him freaking out completely. That was not a conversation she was looking forward to, but since the idiot refused to talk to their dad unless there was absolutely no way around it, she would have to bite that particular bullet.
All that could wait, though. For the moment, she was content to get swept away by the romantic mood around her, and she wondered if, twenty years from now, Dean would look at her the way her father looked at Sharon. She could only hope to be that lucky.
~TBC~