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Itty Bitty Pretty Eighteen

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The short journey to the modern era was filled with tense silence. It was silent on the way to the well. It was silent as they traveled through it. It was silent as they walked up to Kagome's bedroom. InuYasha wasn't sure what was making him feel worse. The prospect of being human for the rest of his life, the fact that he never really knew all that much about his mother, or the fact that he'd yelled at the girl. What was wrong with him? It was a wonder any of them stayed with him. It never would be said that he was a nice man. Hell, he was borderline abusive to Kagome now that he thought about it...always talking shit about her, comparing her to Kikyo even though he knew she hated it, calling her names...

"Are you alright?" Kagome's voice suddenly cut through the thick silence, "You know you really shouldn't been so mean to that girl. It wasn't really her fault. She was tricked."

With a heavy sigh, InuYasha plopped down on the edge was of the bed and nodded glumly, "I know, alright? I'm just a fucking idiot sometimes. I'm human. I apparently know even less about my mother than I thought I did. I have no idea what I'm doing with these new powers. And...and I yelled at a child. It's not been a great day for me."

Eyebrows shooting up into her bangs in surprise, Kagome wasn't sure what was more odd - InuYasha agreeing with her or him actually talking to her about what he was going through. Usually he just clammed up in these situations but...he had always been more honest in his human form. A faint sniffle increased her surprise now bordering on shock to new heights.

"Are you...are you crying?" Kagome asked softly as she moved to sit next to him and raised her hand to rub soft circles on his back. Purposefully avoiding looking at her, InuYasha folded his arms across his chest as he mumbled in a hoarse voice, "No ones died. Why would I cry?"

"It's okay to cry," Kagome cooed as she rested her head on his shoulder, "Sometimes it evens makes you feel better."

"I'm not crying okay," InuYasha spat back even as he sniffled once more, "Stupid human nose is just stuffy is all. I don't cry."

"Okay," Kagome soothed as she began lazily running her fingers through his ebony locks. After a few moments of continued faint sniffling and shuddering breaths, Kagome felt her heart pang. No wonder he always got so undone whenever she cried.

"Your mother loved you," Kagome whispered quietly, "You were just too small. I'm sure she didn't purposefully keep it from you."

At her words, he released another shaky breath but rested his cheek stop her head - his body shaking slightly as he closed his watery eyes and set his jaw to keep it from trembling. It really had been a no good, very bad day filled with emotionally devastating lows.

"I barely remember her," InuYasha confessed hoarsely as he rubbed his cheek against her hair, "But it's just...just... hard to admit it. She was the only person to love me just as I am, ya know?"

To her credit, Kagome managed to surpress the snort that so desperately wanted to break free. How was it that after everything he still didn't know?

"She's not the only one," Kagome voiced quietly - which was enough to pull away from her and stare at her with hopeful watery eyes as he waited with baited breath. Giving him a gentle smile, her hand came up to rest on his face and run her thumb against his cheek softly - relishing when he leaned into her touch and gazed her way affectionately.

"How?" InuYasha finally asked quietly followed by another faint sniffle as he suddenly averted his eyes and pulled back with a heavy sigh, "I'm awful to you."

"No you're not," Kagome cooed as she gave him an understanding smile, "I've lost count of all the times you put yourself in harms way to protect me. And when you say things like that I know it's because I scared you or you're worried."

Releasing another shaky sigh, InuYasha swallowed thickly as he sagged visibly and shook his head, "You deserve better than me."

"Says who?" Kagome asked quietly as she cocked her head to the side - somewhat surprised that they were having this conversation at all. At least there was a good thing coming out of him being human.

"I don't have anything. I can't even protect you now," InuYasha began as he played idly with his hands - too emotionally drained to lie or pretend he hadn't thought about it at all, "And ...and you're so...you. And...and I'm me."

"And I love you," Kagome finally said aloud - figuring there was no reason to deny it and every reason not to, "Just as you are."

"Now or before," Inuyasha chuckled shakily - a soft smirk playing on his lips as he glanced at her, unmistakable love in his eyes. Rolling her eyes, Kagome gave him a look that clearly said 'what do you think' before sighing herself and reaching his to gently cup his chin and force him to look at her, "In any and all forms. You could turn purple with green spots and I'd still love you."

"Purple with green spots you say," Inuyasha responded as he gave her a bemused soft smile before it faltered and her averted his eyes again and reached up to remove her hand, "I want to...I do...but...if I say it, it makes it... real. The well could close at any time and...and you'd be taken away from me. And I can't ask you to leave your family. That's not right. It's just...I dunno. Complicated, I guess."

It felt like an out of body experience to have him saying these things. Like a surreal dream that she might wake up from at any moment. He'd never been so talkative before. Like ever. Either he was beat down or being human made him open or something because this wasn't like him at all. Still...he wouldn't be saying these things unless they were true and in a very roundabout way, he'd just admitted he loved her. Her.

Kicking herself mentally, the word left her mouth before she could stop them, "What about Kikyo?"

Tensing immediately, InuYasha released another shaky breath and he pulled away from her once more and stood to stare out the window, "Kikyo...is Kikyo."

"Kikyo is Kikyo" Kagome repeated sadly as her shoulders sagged in defeat, "Of course. I...I knew that. I'm sorry."

"Dammit woman let me finish," InuYasha huffed in exasperation as he aggravatedly ran his fingers through his hair, "She...she was the first person to even ask my name in over a century. She treated me like I had feelings and wasn't just some beast. Before...before that stupid witch brought her back, she was kind and gentle. It's not right what happened to her."

"And you love her," Kagome finished for him in a soft voice causing InuYasha to huff in frustration and turn towards her, "I care about her. You all act like what happened was so long ago and so easy to get over but it was fucking traumatizing for both of us and for us, it's been a couple months. We were both good as dead for fifty years. It's hard. You all want me to hate her but it wasn't her fault what happened. Yeah, she's...not herself now but...but...ugh...shit how can I put this..."

For a moment he huffed and ran his hand through his hair while Kagome waited with baited breath for his answer.

"It's more...I go to her because...because of who she used to be. For what we had in the past, ya know? If there's one regret I have it's saying her name when she was first resurrected. It's my fault she's stuck here. That she was brought back at all."

Giving him a sympathetic smile, Kagome nodded once in understanding before it faltered, "You said in the beginning..."

"I know what I said but think about it. What was it, one day for me? Maybe two or three. Once I realized that she thought I attacked her I thought I could fix it. How long had I known you? A few days at most? So yeah, I still loved her and thought maybe if she understood...but then...then she...she couldn't get past it. All we had was broken. And so...so I...I don't fucking know. Want to make sure she's okay? But then she does such stupid shit. She's tried to kill you. Probably more than once but you'll never admit it to me for god knows what reason. She teams up with Naraku. She...she just does stupid crap. And...and I worry for her. It's not right that she's this way. It's not her fault. It's mine."

Kagome silently disagreed but unsure what to say, she merely stood up, moved towards him and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" InuYasha asked softly - confusion permeating his tone as he tentatively wrapped his arms around her, "You haven't done anything..."

He paused for a moment before snorting slightly and wrapping his arms tightly around her as he added in a playful tone, "Unless you're apologizing for all the times you sat me to oblivion for no good reason."

Laughing softly, Kagome squeezed him once as she mumbled, "You deserve it sometimes. And yes, sort of. I'm sorry I get so upset when you go see her."

"I'll always come back to you," InuYasha whispered as he rested his chin atop her head, "I have always come back to you. Haven't you realized that by now?"

Sighing happily, Kagome rubbed her cheek against his chest before she gave a short laugh, "You've never been so talkative before."

"It's some stupid human shit," InuYasha chuckled.

"So what, I was supposed to try put the moves on you when you had your human nights?" Kagome teased only to have her gasp in surprise when he answered a casual, "Yeah, probably."

As they stood there embracing each other- their feelings finally out in the open - the thought crossed their minds that maybe...just maybe...this wasn't the worst thing ever.