Of Hoops and Hurricanes

…

Kensi had been at her bungalow for almost an hour before she received a text from Deeks.

It was simple and quick.

I'll be at Kips. – D

No sentiment other than to let her know where he was and that he wasn't alone. It wasn't much relief to her aching heart to know any of that since he should be with her, especially after the shoot-out and their argument in the armory.

The drive from the Mission had been filled with both anger and regret … regret for the way that she'd acted around Agent DiNozzo and anger for Deeks nailing her for it. Not at him specifically, but with the new dimension of their relationship where they could so easily hurt each other without realizing that's what they were doing. Every relationship that she'd had since Jack had always been short and sweet, ending well before anything deeper than basic lust and passion had the time to take root and grow into something more. That allowed her heart to stay protected but still fill the thrill of another person's attention and affection. Diving into this 'thing' with Deeks was so much more than anything she'd experienced in a very long time and the fight was causing her to question if she'd fully understood what it meant to go "All in".

Since Christmas and their kiss at the skating rink, the two of them had been on the same page, growing in ways that made her wonder if she'd ever truly been in love before. Even her memories of her time with Jack didn't rival the level of intimacy she shared with Deeks; it went so much deeper than that. There were times when he had a canny way of knowing exactly what she was thinking before she even realized it herself. It freaked her out sometimes when he would answer the question she was about to ask before she was able to speak. They'd shared the knack for reading each other's minds while on the job, so it shouldn't have been such a surprise when it happened when they were just being Kensi and Deeks.

Maybe that's what scared her. The fact that there was someone on this earth that could read her so well, know the things that she tried to keep hidden, and then know exactly what to do to make her, not just feel better, but be better. It suddenly dawned on her that was what was different about Deeks and any man she'd ever dated or had a serious relationship. He made her better. At everything.

And for some reason, she'd pissed all over it.

Maybe it was the model, Catalina, that her boyfriend had complimented … but as she thought about it, he hadn't done so to the young woman's face. There had been no flirting whatsoever and he'd been on his best behavior around the exotic beauty. Kensi remembered that he'd complimented her as well, telling her again and again how she was 'rockin' that pant suit as they protected their charge. Not too far in the distant past, Deeks would have been drooling all over himself at the mere thought of working with a model, much less one as beautiful as Catalina.

Damn.

Maybe it had been their reunion with Talia, the vivacious DEA agent who happened to have an eye for her partner as well. The woman practically threw herself at Deeks, over and over, and nothing seemed to deter her from rubbing it in Kensi's face. It had been cute, for about fifteen seconds and then it was all she could do not to head-butt the woman in the nose … again. It seemed as if they were all back in high school and two girls who were somewhat friends both had a crush on the same guy and were just a breath away from drawing blood over him. It puzzled her how two fairly rational adults could act like total buffoons when they both saw something that they both wanted.

But Kensi was one up on Talia. Not only did she want Deeks, but she had him. Or was that more past tense than it should be? Did she still? Or had her little traipse along the 'flirting line' with Agent DiNozzo just ruin what she'd wanted for so long? Was what Deeks said about a desire for a more sophisticated or richer man, could it possibly be true?

When she'd posed as 'Rachel' and made another man salivate over her, spilling secrets in a very short time that would lead to his downfall … was that the lifestyle she wanted? Fancy cars, enormous houses, and even larger checking accounts … no worries about having enough left in the bank at the end of the month? The level of security that that amount of money would guarantee … was tempting.

But her father had taught her that the best things in life are those that you work …strive … struggle … for. It was the intangibles, the things that you can't put in a bottle or a box; the things that made you feel ten feet tall and bulletproof, like you could fly to the moon and back. Things like love and commitment, trust and honor, faithfulness and loyalty … all the things that she'd hungered for her entire life … and the things she'd found in a scruffy cop surfer who she didn't even want as a partner the first time she met him but who she would now willingly die for at any time.

They had struggled, both with and for each other. Kensi's time on her own had left her guarded against letting anyone in too far too fast, protecting her heart from the pain of losing someone who managed to gain entrance to her heart. The closure she received during her time in Afghanistan and her dangerous reunion with her former fiancé had given her the courage to eventually take a chance and dive into her feelings for her partner, looking forward to more than memories of only that one night with him.

And she couldn't remember a time when she'd been happier or more at peace. His steadfast devotion to her, his patience when the nightmares had come and she'd called him on the phone, so wrung out that she couldn't even speak. His calming voice washing away the tremors as he spoke comfort to her and he made her feel safe though he was miles away. Then there were the nights when he would appear at her door, and even though she hadn't called, somehow he'd known exactly what … or who … she needed to calm the storm that was twisting her apart on the inside. He had held her until the tears and sobs had stopped and her when her world righted itself, he was right there, content to be the rock to which she'd anchored herself.

The events in the armory flooded her thoughts, reminding her of what had separated them for the evening. Yeah, she'd screwed that up pretty well all on her own. And for what? Another chance to join in with 'the guys' and poke fun at her partner? A chance to flirt with a man who was considered one of the best agents in the NCIS organization, not to mention a very handsome and illegible bachelor? What in the world had possessed her to the point where she had acted that way?

Kensi knew that making simple excuses wasn't something that Deeks would allow her to do; she wouldn't accept them from him, so how could she expect him to do anything less than hold her accountable? Looking back over her actions with a truly objective lens, the brunette began to see exactly how it all would have looked to her boyfriend … and it wasn't pretty. If Deeks had pulled anything even close to what she had actually done, she would have gone ballistic. Just thinking about having him criticize the way she dressed or spoke to Talia actually made her slightly nauseas … and if he'd made a point of choosing to team up with the other woman rather than with his true partner, there probably would have been more spilled blood than would be considered polite. If she'd overheard him asking about the DEA agent moving closer … well, that might have been the straw that broke the camel's back.

But that was her.

Deeks had taken it all in stride until it dawned on him that she didn't even realize what she'd done. Then he'd called her on her own bullshit and when she'd tried to defend herself, she'd only hurt him more with that crap statement about him just being a cop.

Just a cop.

A cop who risked his life protecting people who often didn't respect him for being their only defense against the evil in this world.

A cop who actually worked for two separate agencies, but only got paid by one.

A cop who jumped into a world that was filled with more danger than a spaced out crack head who would vomit on your shoes right after trying to kill you.

A cop who had stood by her side when there was no one else to come to her aid.

A cop who could melt her façade with that crooked smile that he reserved specifically for her.

A cop who took all the hazing and abuse that a hardened former CIA operative and a retired Navy SEAL could dish out, deflecting it all with an endless sense of humor.

A cop who was her cop … the man who had pulled her from lasers and exploding buildings, who had taken two shots to the chest because of something she had done, who had followed her into foreign countries on dangerous missions simply because he was her partner.

And today, when he'd tried to do something sweet simply because he knew it would make her smile, she'd blown it spectacularly and was now all by herself wondering if there was anything she could say to make up for it.

No.

There wasn't anything that she could say. Nothing at all.

But, there was something she could do.

Kensi literally popped up from her couch, wiping away the tears from her cheeks as she snatched her car keys from the hook beside her front door. In her haste, she almost forgot to lock the door and her hands were shaking so badly, that she dropped her keys twice before reaching her vehicle. She'd fought through days and nights in a dark cave in Afghanistan to make it back to him and his smile … she wasn't going to let her own stupid actions sink the best thing that would ever happen to her.

Look out, Martin Andrew Deeks … here comes hurricane Kensi.

…

Swoosh.

Nothing but net, just like every other shot he'd made over the past half an hour or so.

The basketball bounced only once before he managed to sprint over and claim it once more. Deeks dribbled quickly back to a spot well outside the three point marker before he stopped, pivoted and shot before his feet were fully planted.

Swoosh.

Nothing but net.

Sweat trickled down his forehead down to his neck where it stained the front and back of his gray tank-top as he charged the goal once more, snatching up the ball and moving to the edge of the court. Just inside the boundary line, he turned back toward the goal, bounced the ball twice at his feet before launching himself into the air. His arms and hands moved with fluid like grace to send it hurling in a high arc that ended as it passed between the rim of the goal as he made another perfect shot.

Deeks had spent almost an hour just driving around and when the beach had held no attraction, he had found himself pulling into the driveway of someone who would give him the space he needed at the moment. Having a man of Kip's wealth as a close friend had its benefits and one of them was almost unlimited access to the full sized, climate-controlled basketball court that sat just behind the professional hoopster's palatial mansion. His friend had been kind and gracious when the detective had shown up earlier in the evening and hadn't even asked too many questions about the unexpected visit, nodding in understanding to Deeks simple "I don't want to talk about it" greeting. The taller man had simply nodded in the direction of the court and had left him in relative peace ever since.

Now, with his legs and arms beginning to ache and his shirt and shorts stained with perspiration, Deeks felt he might have finally worked out some of the ache in his chest over the events of the past day and the hurt caused by his girlfriend. Yeah, it had sucked to watch her smooze up to the agent from DC and her insensitive comments about his attire had struck hard and deep, but she'd forgiven him any number of stupid things since they moved into the "All in" aspect of their relationship and he was wondering if this was just another test designed by the fates to see if they had what it took to go the distance.

Even if it was just another test, it still sucked. He'd endured comments like hers throughout his days in Law school and during his tenure as a public defender. Observations that he "didn't look like a lawyer" or "if you're going to be taken seriously, you have to do something with your hair" had been common and just as bothersome. He knew he didn't look professional and it was all purposeful as many of his clients didn't trust anyone in a suit, whether it was a lawyer or a detective or just somebody else that was trying to make their lives even more miserable.

Those thoughts led to memories from a time when there had been many people in suits that had come into the life of a much younger Marty who was just hoping for some help for his mother. Wearing a three piece, one thousand dollar suit didn't mean the person wearing it would give a rat's ass about a snotty nosed kid and his crying mother who looked like she'd gone a few rounds with Mike Tyson. There had been the case workers who, though their suits had been a lot less expensive, their hearts had been just as cold and indifferent to the plight of a mother and son looking for a helping hand in the darkness that was their lives.

On the day he'd graduated from law school, his mother had taken him out that evening to celebrate and she'd wanted to buy her lawyer son a brand new suit. After he'd explained why he didn't want her to do that, she'd cried on his shoulder, sobbing about how proud she was of him and how sorry she was that she didn't do more to protect him from his own father. He'd sworn then and there, that if at all possible, he'd never wear another suit for as long as he lived.

Then he'd become a cop, then a detective where suits were mandatory within the dress code of the LAPD, so the transfer to undercover had been a simple decision and one he would never regret. The price had been the respect of some of his brothers in blue, but if they judged him by the way he dressed, then he really didn't care what they thought in the first place. Getting caught up with the NCIS special operations team had led to a few undercovers where a suit was required and he'd had to swallow the bile in his throat every time Hetty loaned him one of the very nice outfits.

Then came the day when one of his teammates … one of his friends … had insulted his very character based upon his appearance. If they hadn't been tied up with a mission, Sam Hanna might have found out exactly how good a scrapper the detective really was when he wasn't holding anything back.

But all of that was inconsequential to the way his girlfriend had made him feel today as he stood there in that yellow monstrosity while she complimented the dapper Agent Dinozzo. Maybe he should have said something sooner about how that had hurt, but they were quickly heading out to track down Tony's lost charge and the time had passed even as the day continued down its dark path. Listening to her flirt over the open comms line had been a little more than he was willing to tolerate and a confrontation about it was inevitable by that point. Watching her hug the other man had been enough to make him want to shoot something. He'd ended up hiding down in the armory where Kensi had found him later and the rest was just the icing on a really sucky day.

Deeks knew that this was still new to the both of them and that moving into something 'new' with Kensi was fraught with chances of screwing up the wonderful friendship that they already had … but what they could have in the future would make all the struggles worthwhile. He'd never been this serious with any of the women that he had dated over the years and while it still scared the hell out of him, he wouldn't trade it for the world. Well, maybe the part when he thought she was dead or when he thought he wasn't going to get to her in time to save her … he could deal with a few less days like those.

But she was worth it.

All of it.

At least, he hoped she was. After the events of today, it hurt more than he could bear to think that she still thought of him as just a cop and he wasn't sure exactly how … or if … that rift could be repaired. Out of all the people in his life, there was no one, besides his mother, whose opinion of him mattered more than Kensi. From the moment "Deeks, really? That's the best they could do?" had escaped her lips when she didn't know he could hear her, he'd been on a mission to impress the beautiful and dangerous Bad Ass Blye. When he realized that his feelings had moved from trying to show her that he really was good at what he did, to trying to show her how good she made him … he'd known that his heart would never be the same.

And maybe that was what was tripping him up … trying to impress her. He knew that there would always be someone with more money, better looks, bigger muscles … whatever … than he possessed. Deeks also knew that if he had to continually fight to hold Kensi's attention, and heart, then she was never truly his in the first place and he was simply chasing the shadow of something that was never there to begin with.

She either wanted to be with him or she didn't.

If the latter was truly the reality of the situation he found himself in, the consequences were almost too harsh to even contemplate. For some reason, a verse from the Book of John popped into his mind … And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free … verse 8, chapter 32 … and some things began to become clear to him.

He had to know what the truth really was. He had to know before he could go any further into this with Kensi, before their lives became more entangled than her sharing half of his closet with him, before she spent more than half of her week nights curled up with him in his bed, before their separate lives become one.

Good or bad … pain or happiness … he simply had to know before his mind and heart ripped themselves apart, leaving him hallow and broken. If he was what she needed to be happy … or if he wasn't … either way, he'd be free. Free to love her completely and without reservation … or free to let her go, to find her happiness with someone else.

With his heart thumping in his chest and his pulse pounding in his ears, Deeks dribbled the ball back and forth, alternating hands each time it bounced up off the floor. His speed increased until the rhythm matched the one pumping inside his body, then in a flash, he broke into a dead run toward the goal, the ball pushed out ahead of him. He bounced it once more, then scooped it into his right hand as he launched himself off of the floor several steps away from the backboard. For a moment, he simply floated in the air, the goal coming closer and closer until at the last possible moment, he pin wheeled his arm, the edge of his hand glancing gently off the rim as the ball slid through the net. Reaching up, Deeks clamped his hands onto the metal rim, letting his body hang suspended as the ball bounced slowly across the floor below him.

As his momentum made him swing gently back and forth, his arm muscles began to ache with the effort of hanging on while his mind wrestled with the decision he'd made only seconds earlier. Holding onto the goal wasn't something he'd be able to do for too long, he'd eventually have to let it go and drop to the floor … back to reality where he wasn't a pro basketball player and he was simply a cop who loved his partner with all that he had. Letting go would reveal the 'truth' of who he really was and no matter how hard he wanted to hang on, he simply couldn't fight the force of gravity for too much longer. As the ache in his muscles turned into a strong burn, Deeks knew that his reality … his world … was waiting for him to just let go.

So he did.

Landing on his toes, he bounced lightly to reduce the impact on his joints, his eyes following the ball as it rolled up against the far wall. He wiped the sweat from his eyes and moved to chase down the orange orb when a distinctive sound reached his ears. It was the sound of light but enthusiastic clapping coming from the double doors that led out to the patio behind Kip's house … but the clapping wasn't strong like his friend's … it sounded more like …

She was almost hidden in the shadows near the door, but he would recognize her silhouette anywhere at any time of day and the sight of her took away what little breath he had left, her name a breathless wish.

"Kens?"

…

A/N: Sorry for my long absence … I kinda lost my way there for a while and I began to doubt my abilities to continue writing or to tell a good story. Plot points and problematic story arcs were causing too much confusion in my thought processes, so I took a bit of a long break to let the slate wash itself clean. Hopefully, there are still some of you who are still waiting patiently for me to get back into my stories and I thank you in advance if you are one of the few.

Semper Fidelis

JS