Chapter 53

I know it's hard to hear it
And it may never be enough
But don't take it out on me now
'Cause I blame it all on myself

Just know that I want you, I'll take the fall and the fault in us
I'll give you all the love I never gave before I left you —Want You Back, Haim

Bella

The arena hit a tremendous capacity of spectators. The articles did their jobs, drawing in a great crowd. I smiled as I took in the view. It pleased me Eleazar would make bank from the boxing match. If they had held the memorial event in La Push, they wouldn't make near as much money, but they also wouldn't need to pay for the use of the Center.

Eleazar originally had planned to hold the memorial in La Push, because making money wasn't the aim, but by the time he contacted the La Push Community, they had already contracted construction during the time of Ben's passing for remodeling of the gym, and other office areas. To still have the memorial, it would take money to pay for an arena.

But after the arena and other necessary costs were paid, the additional proceeds would go to the La Push boxing club for new equipment in Ben's honor.

Eleazar was a great loving friend to Ben and the La Push Community.

Angela and I sat in a front row. Leah sat with Jasper across the ring on the other side. I saved her a seat in case she wanted to join us when his turn came to fight. She and Jasper reconnected over the past Christmas break, and she planned to transfer here with all of us next year, finding herself to be a small-town girl at heart. Jasper told me nobody could make him laugh the way she did. Despite what I thought when they first started dating, they had fitting personalities. When they ended it the first time, it was only because she went back to Chemawa after Christmas. I asked Jasper how they did it. He said they never talked about it. She just left when it was time to leave and came back when she was ready. It annoyed me everyone else made smarter decisions with long-distance relationships than me and Jacob. Or maybe they learned from our mistakes.

"I don't know how you can stand this, Bella? I'm so nervous, I'm shaking." Angela lifted her hand up to show me.

"It'll be fine. He just claimed the Regional Championship, which means he is not only the best in the State, for his weight, but he is also the best in the Region," I said, to calm her.

I spotted Jacob coming from the locker-room with eight, nine, and ten-year-old kids following him. Dressed in their boxing gear, with their hands wrapped in gauze and tape and wearing fierce expressions, they were as cute as could be. They looked up to him. He waved, smiling when he saw me watching.

The little guys boxed first and La Push boxers gave it their all to win for Ben. I felt sorry seeing one of them fight his heart out, not taking the match. Frowning, tears trickled when they lifted the other kid's arm up. It tugged my heart strings. Jacob ruffled the hair on his head, telling him he was proud of him, and he'd get him next time. The young fighter grinned.

Angela sniffled, wiping her eyes with a napkin and to more herself than me said, "I'm not liking this already."

I thought maybe I couldn't help her enjoy boxing for Seth. I lifted the lineup program, searched for his name, and found it on line nineteen. Yikes! They set him up in a rematch with the guy he beat for the State title. It ended in a split decision the first time. This fight would be another tough one for him. I hid my worry, telling myself he wouldn't let us down, especially not Angela.

Having mixed the lineup rotation with young and older fighters to keep the crowd engaged, Jasper's fight came up. "How are you feeling?" I asked Leah as she approached.

"Not worried at all." She took up the chair beside me.

I gave the thumbs up sign to Jasper when he climbed into the ring and glanced at me. He nodded. If it weren't for him, I wondered how long Jacob and I would have lasted before we talked again.

Move-in day at UW arrived. Jasper was packed and ready to leave

With school starting three weeks before I came home, I didn't have time to transfer anything over to UW. So I'd be sitting the semester out. It didn't matter. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do now anyway and thought if Leah liked New York, maybe I would follow her there next semester.

Mom and Dad waited in the car for him while we hugged our goodbyes. He stalked out the door, spinning around and stepping back inside. "Do me a favor and call Jake to find out where he's at and what he's doing."

"Hmm." I gave him the quick answer. "I don't think so."

"Why not? You still love him, don't you?"

I wouldn't respond to that. Instead, I said,"I just got out of a live-in relationship." Attempting to rush into another relationship so soon seemed wrong.

"So? Are you broken up about it?"

"Not really."

"What's the problem then?"

I shrugged. "I'm just tired from it."

"Jake still loves you."

"Did he tell you that?" I grabbed a hold of my betraying smile.

"Not recently." The sudden burst of exhilaration in me died. "I know because he told Emmett last year after that family dinner in Port Angeles that he's always loved you. Since way back. He said if had got with you before boarding school, he wouldn't have gone to Chemawa, and he'd do it differently if he could. Emmett almost told you in the hotel during Jake's accident. But I cut him off when I woke up and heard your conversation, because if Jake didn't survive, I didn't want you to go on feeling like you could have prevented it somehow. I thought it'd be too much to live with... But loving you that long? I don't doubt he still does."

I bit my lip. It was a scary thought; it would have been too much to live with.

"Jacob moved back to La Push. He's there as we speak." I took a seat, my heart already racing with excitement. "Ben only had one son. He's Tribal Police out there, doing shift work like Dad. He tried to keep the gym open for the kids, but it got difficult, so he closed it. It upset the young fighters and their parents. And since Jacob can't fight, he volunteered to coach until the Community can find someone else to take it over.

"He moved back two days after you got home." I pulled my head back in surprise. "Talk about coincidental. When I told him you moved home, too, he didn't want you to think he followed you. So, I'm not supposed to tell you for a while."

I rolled my eyes at Jacob's thought process. We agreed to be friends and should be talking.

"I thought the same. That's why I said something. I wanted to try correcting this out-of-whack universe before I left. The rest of it's up to you two."

I gave him an appreciative smile, tamping down my excitement and new hope. I needed to tread carefully. "Thank you for telling me. I'll call him soon."

He nodded, smiling with satisfaction. "All right. Now give me another hug before I leave."

I loved my wonderful brothers. They did their best to take care of me.

Jasper stopped his opponent halfway through the second round. Leah sighed in pride, wearing a radiant grin. "See that? That's why I had no worries."

Nerves bubbled in me as Emmett came by to enter the ring. "I'm in shape," he said when he caught my eyes on him. I nodded but gained little comfort.

With the way I felt whenever Emmett boxed, if Rosalie came, I wouldn't have been able keep her calm. He won a lot and lost a lot. But he didn't care because he was a football player first. I cared for him, though.

His guy stood taller than him with a big bulky frame, covered in tattoos, weighing in at two-hundred and fifty pounds. Emmett seemed more muscularly built and toned, though.

The bell rang.

Not in boxing-form practice, Emmett stood a little too straight, swinging wider than he should have been. His guy caught him in the chest. Emmett went down, landing on his behind. I fidgeted, forcing myself to stay in my seat, heart thumping in panic. "Get up, Emmett!"

"Keep those hands up, Emmett!" Jasper said.

He sprung to his feet. They ruled it a slip instead of a knockdown. It pissed Emmett off, and in the next second, he dropped his guy to the canvas right back. I peered at Jacob, annoyed to find him laughing. He tugged his lips closed when he spotted me looking. Don't laugh! Help him. I glared. Emmett and his opponent fought wildly until the bell rang, ending round one.

The break relieved me. I was sure one of them would get knocked out from being out of control. I huffed, turning to see Angela. She appeared terrorized from this fight.

Jacob talked to Emmett in the corner. Emmett nodded, drinking and spitting. I wished I could hear the instructions. When the bell rang for round two, Emmett held his elbows tucked into his ribs, chin down and both gloved fists palms, turned inward, blocking his face. He didn't bob this round. He took slow paces in a circle, picking his shots. I breathed out, lips stretching, knowing he got this round for sure.

The third round followed the same as round two, but exhaustion gleamed on both. Punches slowed as they leaned against each other for support near the end.

"The... Red Corner... Emmett Swan!" Emmett's dimples sunk in deep, as a cheery smile spread across his face, making me grin just as wide.

Climbing out of the ring on our side, he plopped down on Leah's empty chair, breathing heavily, while she took a bathroom break. "I need to catch my breath before I shower. Ugh, I'm out of gas."

"You scared me... I thought you were in shape?" I asked.

"I found out being in football shape is not the same as being in boxing shape. My arms and legs almost fell off."

"But they didn't. Good job! I'm proud of you for jumping in there and winning, after your three year break."

"Thanks to Jake! He corrected my boxing stance, coaching me to take it slow and controlled. Otherwise, I don't know what would have happened. He pissed me off when he pushed me down. I wanted to knock him out of the ring." Jolly laughter spilled from him. "I tried!"

I joined his laughter. "I saw that. Was it a push?"

"Yeah, I lost my balance because my stance wasn't wide enough, and I stood too straight. I knew that.

I absorbed Angela's nervous trepidation, because two fights after Seth's, Jacob would be up, and Seth was up next.

Loud interrupting smacks echoed from a corner behind me. I rotated toward it. Demetri pounded the pads, hard and fast and skilled, an intense concentration frozen on his expression.

Fear flipped in my tummy. If he meant the display to intimidate, it worked on me. My eyes roamed the arena floor for Jacob. I couldn't find him, assuming he left to the locker room to dress.

Seth stopped in front of Angela on his way to the ring and touched his lips against the forehead of her terrified face. "It's okay. I got this!" He held out his gloved fist until she nodded, giving him a fist bump, and forcing a smile.

Cute!

I watched Seth climbing into the ring, grateful we didn't follow through with our plans.

Our discussion about him was the most painful part for me when Jacob and I reunited and talked all night, clearing up misunderstandings, starting with the smallest and least serious. Embry and the anklet.

"I thought you had a girlfriend or girlfriends. That's why I distanced myself from you after that."

"I didn't know anything back then. I was lost at that age and figuring myself out, I guess. All I can say is I'm sorry."

"It seems so stupid now. I don't know why I took myself so seriously."

"Because we were young. But if I hurt you, then let's talk about it."

Laying face up beside him on the bed, I stared at the ceiling. "How long did you and Charlotte go out?"

"We didn't."

Surprised, I raised my brow, turning my head to see him. "I thought she's why you broke up with me and didn't want to talk to me anymore?" A burst of hope filled me, thinking maybe he didn't cheat on me and said he did for some other irrational reason.

"I never saw her again." He rolled on his side, facing me, so I shifted, matching his position. Placing a hand on my hip, he said, "I broke up with you because I didn't deserve you anymore." His eyes closed as he inhaled a deep breath, guilt washing over his face. When he opened them, he could hardly make eye contact. "I don't know if you need to hear this, Bella, but since we're being honest—"

With the hope dashed, I said, "I don't," catching his shame-ridden expression before he looked away. Which wasn't necessary because I already accepted and dealt with what he did long ago. He could say nothing worse than what my mind had imagined. I guided his face back to me. "How many times are you going to let me know you're sorry, Jake?"

He let go of a sigh. "As much as it takes."

I pressed a kiss on his lips, contemplating how l had given him every reason to move on, to fall in love with someone else. But he didn't. I said, "No matter what happened. It's irrelevant. Because we're together now, and that's all I care about."

We both suffered enormously from it already, and too much else had happened in our lives to relive pain from that again... Yet here we were nestled in his bed together, and there was nowhere else I'd rather be.

Later in the night, his turn came up.

"I was angry at you because I thought, if anyone, you should have told me he kissed you. I gave you the chance that night."

"I should have, but the knockout embarrassed Seth enough. I didn't want to humiliate him. He apologized for it and told me he did it on accident. So, I believed him."

"On accident, huh?" Propping himself up on his elbow, he studied my face, a sharpness settling in his eyes. "Do you still believe that?"

He knew I didn't. This was his way of approaching my true betrayal. I cupped a hand over my eyes, ashamed to look at him. "No. I don't."

Unprepared for this conversation, a lump of regret swelled in my throat. Seth had confessed his long-time crush to me, but after changing his mind, needing little effort to walk away, I chalked up his claimed feelings as an infatuation or curiosity. Then I hid the memories as if they'd never occurred. The reason I didn't prepare to talk about it.

He peeled my hand from my face, making me look him in the eyes. "Bella, I know shit happened, and after how I hurt you, I shouldn't even ask. But why did you get with him?"

Pain etched his expression. My heart broke for him because I had no excuse for setting myself up with the person he loved as a brother and best friend. I could have moved on with someone else if moving on was my reason.

Rising remorse lifted moisture to my eyes. "I don't know." My voice came out barely above a whisper. "I didn't love him... We talked about that."

I fought against my tears as I attempted to explain on both of our behalves what I thought Jacob ought to know. Then I cried over what I did.

It was more gut-wrenching when Jacob blamed himself for the decisions Seth and I made. I think it was his way of being able to forgive us and continue loving us. It became clear how big of a heart he had. It shamed me for acting as if I had a monopoly on pain.

I know what I thought about my willingness back then, but now I believe I just wanted a deeper emotional connection with someone else to hide from my feelings for Jacob. I regretted bringing Seth into my problem and always would.

I'm glad Emmett interfered, and I'm lucky Seth had enough common sense for both of us. Had he not? The damage would have been irreparable between us three. I don't know if Jacob and I could have worked through it; I doubt it. Guys Emmett warned me about would have taken advantage of the situation. Not Seth. He was one of the good guys. It refreshed me to know they still existed, and Angela was fortunate to fall in love with one.

Angela jumped in her seat, clutching my arm with both hands, drawing me from my reverie. Ouch! We'd entered the second round, and the fight looked even. Seth needed to step it up to take the win again. He would, because if he let this guy beat him, it would taint his Regional Championship.

I heard Jacob's voice from behind me. "One, two, Seth!" I spun around to see him, as Angela squeezed my arm, flinching.

Eyes on the fight, he stood in the corner, stretching his neck, and rolling his shoulders, punching into the air in front of him.

Seth one, two-d, adding an uppercut, sending his man into the ropes, and bouncing back. Angela let go of me, leaping to her feet, arms straight up, letting out a high pitched, "Woo-hoo, Seth! Get him!" Excitement shined in her eyes. Way to go, Seth.

The bell dinged.

It might have gone smoother if Jacob was in Seth's corner, but Jacob must have had confidence in Seth, or he would have made sure he coached him like he did with Emmett.

In the third round, Seth pressured his opponent into the corner several times. His opponent lost aggressiveness, a sign he gave up. There was no doubt in my mind, Seth won.

As soon as the bell sounded, I popped from my seat to meet Jacob where he stood, listening to the commentator announce Seth's corner and name. "Did you warm up? Hit the pads? I didn't see you."

"I hit the pads a little in the locker room."

"A little?"

His grin burst free. "Don't worry. I'm ready." I waited with him until his fight approached, then wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. "I'll be listening for you. Cheer loud for me."

"You know it." I attempted to say in confidence, hiding the butterflies multiplying in me. I didn't want to sit back down. I didn't think I could hold still, but Jacob needed my faith in him. I inhaled three deep breaths, following him back to my chair.

The commentator introduced Demetri first, since he was the guest. Then they introduced Jacob.

"In the red corner, fighting out of La Push Boxing Club, weighing one hundred and seventy-eight pounds... our own resident of Seattle... Jacob Black!" Cheers erupted at the sound of Seattle. It pleased me they got both locations in.

Jacob bent his head, eyes down, stepping forward. Touching his right gloved thumb to his chin, then his forehead, he lifted his head, raising his arm straight up.

The crowd went berserk, echoing cheers throughout the arena. My chest swelled in pride while I cheered along. He was beautiful and mine!

Our eyes met. He winked before meeting Demetri and the Ref in the center of the ring. My focus switched to Demetri; his blank face showed nothing but intention. Anger rose, heating my face, and it felt better than nerves.

The brutal first round shook me. I'd only watched Jacob fight when he was young, far out-skilling his opponents then. I never witnessed him fight someone as skilled as himself. I couldn't find a cheer to yell, so I copied Jasper and Seth, just so Jacob could hear my voice.

Demetri landed two hard jabs, then plowed a hard fist into Jacob's ribs. Jacob's elbow tucked against his body as he leaned into it. I winced, knowing it hurt.

Finally, the end bell dinged, and I noticed my panting. Back in the corner, Eleazar talked to him while Nahual wiped Jacob's face with a towel. It saddened me, realizing this was Old Ben's job. Jacob nodded, and I wondered if Eleazar gave him excellent advice.

The bell sounded for round two. They met in the center, and Demetri moved in, throwing three straight jabs, followed by a wide power shot. Jacob dodged it, side stepping. He plunged four alternating body shots into Demetri's sides, then jumped out of the way. Demetri had to push forward again, taking punches to get nearer, because Jacob had a longer reach.

Jacob stepped back a few paces, Demetri working him back with his fists. He approached the ropes. If he went back any further, Demetri would trap him against them. Seth yelled, "Forward!"

"Jab and move, Jake!" Jasper shouted.

Confidence burst from Demetri while throwing a combination of punches, thinking he had Jake up against the ropes.

Jacob ducked, spinning around Demetri. Demetri spun with him to stay close, putting himself against the ropes as he fired out left and right hooks, sending them flying toward Jacob's head. Jacob ducked right beneath one, plowing a fist into Demetri's body, then ducked left beneath another, plowing the opposite rib. Ducking right again, he came up fast with a powerful right hook. It slammed into Demetri's chin.

The crowd exploded.

Dazed, Demetri's body wobbled, his arms barely up as he attempted to fight back with no control. Jacob caught him with a four to six punch combination before the Ref jumped between them.

He ordered Jacob into the white neutral corner and began counting Demetri out.

I realized I'd fallen silent for the entire exchange, the loud cheers now penetrating my ears. The Ref finished counting, then turned to the announcers table and waved his hand, signaling Demetri couldn't continue. Jacob won by Technical knockout. Tko.

Unaware of my stiffness, my body fell limp as relief poured through me, and an excited smile erupted on my face.

"Holy shit!" Seth said.

"One minute and ten seconds," Emmett said to Seth, grinning. It felt like a thousand years to me. "It's nothing new, but with the level of fighter Demetri is, that's impressive."

He's back. I trembled and hugged myself, happy his long road of recovery and re-building was completed.

"Faster than mine," Jasper said, in awe. "And my guy was way easier."

It amazed us, because we'd never seen him fight at the elevated level with his developed skills since he'd went away and began fighting in tough tournaments outside of the state.

Since he fought last, we all stood by the time they announced him as the winner, and he climbed out of the ring. He talked to the guys first. "Muhammad Ali rope a dope or what?" Seth asked, hugging him.

"No, I just knew he'd get overconfident if I let him bully me. If I fight them before, I don't forget their style and quirks."

He only won by a split decision the last time they fought. That was impressive for his first time back.

He fist-bumped Emmett and Jasper as they congratulated him, making his way to me. I reached to hug him, not minding all the sweat. Arms wrapped tight around my waist, he straightened tall, lifting me off my feet. His mouth quirked, his eyes dancing with humor. "And I worried you."

I wound my arms around his neck, pressing my lips against his, tasting saltiness. "Never again."

"I'm back, and so thankful you're with me now." He set set me down. "It'll be easy from here."

"And I'll always be with you."

"You never called?"

"I almost did... so many times. Time wouldn't let me go. Feeling that way, I didn't trust myself not to try getting you back. We had just made peace, and I didn't want to risk driving you away again. Then Jasper told me you came home. I didn't know if you were hurting, so I thought I should give you your space for a while. I planned on calling soon, though."

"Time didn't let me go, either. Not truly. I knew it, but it wasn't until I saw this..." lifting my arm, I nudged the sleeve of my sweater up... "and read your note that all the feelings for you I buried inside came rushing out."

With confusion in his eyes, he asked, "That was a bracelet?"

"It's a story but for another time."

"This might be too soon, Bella, but... do you want to get back together? We can take it slow?"

Haven't we taken it years, too slow already? "Let's just take it naturally."

Jacob has the final 2 chapters and will give you a fuller account of his and Bella's reunion and an update on his boxing dream.