On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me…

Two Habits Broken

John was a creature of habit; some he formed to protect himself and others to protect those from him. And habitually he viewed getting close to anyone a bad idea because it would lead to loss and he wanted to avoid loss at whatever cost. But he never suspected to meet a woman quite like Joss Carter or expected to find meaning to life after Jessica.

So the fact that he was showing up to her place, at night, because the idea of going home left a bitter taste in his mouth, again, was breaking one habit but also forming a new habit. And not born out of protecting either himself or her but because he couldn't stop himself from being drawn to her to spend time with her, almost like a moth drawn to a flame.

He hesitated at her back door, shrouded in the darkness other than the Christmas lights on her neighbors' back patios. When he had been just a kid his parents always took him out to go look at the Christmas lights. He used to love seeing all the different colors twinkle and make wishes because a snowflake landed on his tongue but then that had been youthful innocence. Now he couldn't believe how foolish he had been. Wishes and dreams didn't come true; not for men like him. He sold his soul for his country who tossed him aside and now he was just biding his time until a bullet caught him.

Or so he thought. Until Joss; until she made him think of a life other than just being the man-in-the-suit. From time to time he still drew up that memory of their conversation during a stakeout, just after they rescued Finch from Root. She had challenged his way of thinking. She quietly nudged him to talk about Jessica and when he turned her down she called him out on it, saying her piece, before letting it drop. And for the first time in a very long time he was actually thinking of the future; to purchase and give Carter a Christmas gift on Christmas Day. It scared him to be thinking of the future, even if it was only a couple weeks in advance, rather than today because for so long he had been hoping for yesterday to be his last.

The back door opened, jarring him from his thoughts, and Joss stood there in jeans and a shirt, her hair tied up, and a smirk on her face. "I was going to just wait until you let yourself in and jump away from the wall to scare you just to see what you'd do but you've been standing out here so long that I thought you froze to death," she murmured, trying to keep her tone light, but did wonder what he was doing. She watched him through the back window as if he was lost in deep thought. She waited until her patience wore out and she opened the door.

He entered but didn't offer a comment. Joss watched as he hung up not only his wool jacket but also his suit jacket too suggesting he would be here for a while. John was over her place more than her own son was. And she was beginning to suspect there was a reason as to why he didn't want to go home after working a number. Was he tired of his loneliness?

"Would you like a beer?" she offered as she swiveled on her heels to go to her fridge. She had been just going to get one herself and watch a little TV to unwind.

"Yes…"

She nodded as she pulled one out for her and then another for him. John saw on the kitchen island was the vase with the roses he got her nearly a week ago. They were holding up but noticeably looked like they were on their last leg. It made him wonder if she was taking care of them trying to keep them alive.

They both snapped their caps off the beer bottles as they walked together into her living room. "I was just going to turn the game on when I heard this sound at my back door."

"I don't make sounds," he countered, almost sounding offended.

Joss frowned. He was right, he didn't, but then she would have to admit that she checked the back window in hopes she'd catch him coming over.

"My ears would call you a liar," Joss lied.

John threw her a look. "I don't make sounds," he repeated.

Joss dropped it because lying wasn't one of her stronger suits as she was barely better than John. They dropped onto the couch together, quietly sipping their beers, and Joss turned the channel onto the basketball game.

Things were quiet while they both were engrossed in the game until a commercial came. She side-eyed him as he took a sip of his beer. Joss liked how relaxed he looked; the ever present line of tension on his handsome face was gone.

"Taylor has a new girlfriend," she said breaking the silence.

John looked to her and smiled. "Do you approve?"

"Of this girl?—I wouldn't know since I haven't been given the chance to meet her yet," she grumbled.

"You scare the girls don't you?" he murmured.

"I do not!"

John chuckled. "You scare Root and Shaw; they even try to behave themselves when you're around," he pointed out.

Joss narrowed her eyes on him. "I only scare Root and Shaw because they need to be reminded who they're dealing with," she retorted playfully. "But I'm happy for my son because this girl makes him happy."

John was silent for a moment before asking; "What about you?—are you ready to move on after Cal?"

How John leap frogged to her love life from her son's was mystifying. "Cal and I weren't this great love affair, John. I cared about him but I wasn't in love with him. I guess I became obsessed with taking down HR to bring him justice because I felt guilty."

"For what?—you did nothing wrong, Carter."

Joss smiled slightly at how quickly John jumped to her defense. "I have trust issues," she murmured.

"You don't say…" he said smirking.

She chuckled as she looked at John. "Well I might have trust issues but who here has issues with self-worth and wanting to save everyone except himself?"

"Touché, Carter," John remarked before taking a sip of his beer. He was far more interested in hearing how she viewed Cal's death as her fault.

Joss shrugged. "I let my trust issues come between us and he died thinking I didn't believe in him. I think I worked so hard to get him justice to make up for that fact," she admitted sadly. John nodded his head. "But to answer your question,yes, I'm ready to move on from Cal."

He looked away and feigned interest in the basketball game once more. John wasn't sure why the fact that she answered his question honestly troublesome. Maybe it was because he had been using the fact that she couldn't possibly be ready to move past Cal Beecher and his death as a reason why there couldn't be anything more than friendship between them.

Joss looked at John, wanting to ask him if he was finally ready to move past Jessica. The kiss he planted on her in the morgue suggested he was but she wasn't sure. One moment he was letting her close but the next she was at arms' length. To her it suggested the turbulence of John's feelings…he wanted to get close but was scared too.

"John," she called out softly. He shifted his gaze off the TV and onto her. It was on the tip of her tongue to just ask him but instead she said; "I don't trust many people but I do trust you; I trust you with my life."

John swallowed hard. Knowing she trusted him meant a lot. Joss didn't hand out trust freely and he hoped to never make her regret the decision to trust in him.

"I should go; you had a long day at work." John said.

Joss smiled as John abruptly wanted to leave the moment things got a little too close for comfort. She nodded as she allowed the moment to slip past as she climbed to her feet to follow him to the kitchen. He tugged on his jackets and she quietly watched him. "Goodnight, John," she murmured, wishing to break down the barrier John erected at some point in his life, as he grabbed the door knob.

He paused and turned to look back at her. "I'll try to never make you regret the decision to trust me."

"John, just be you and I won't," she reassured him. John had earned her trust and she knew he would always have her back.

He nodded. "And for what it's worth, Carter; you make me want to live for you," he whispered and with that he turned and left, leaving her staring at the closed door long after he'd gone.

AN: Carter with her trust issues and John with his issues of self-worth...they make quite the pair don't they?-such a beautiful, layered pair that belong together. *sigh* Since I don't think anyone here that reads my Carter/Reese stuff watches Psych I can say this without a spoiler but I'm on a couple high since I saw my Psych movie last night and my original OTP, before Careese ripped that title away from them, got married. Makes me wish, again, Carter and Reese were given a chance instead of the fates they were given.

Thanks for reading!