Like I promised here is ch. 27 guys. Don't forget to review at the end!
Tim noticed how tired I was and lifted me up in his arms. Before we even reached the cabin I was already asleep. I woke up hours later. This was our last day and we slowly started to pack up. I was still feeling like crap, but it was doable. I had worse. Tim made some tea and breakfast for me which I accepted reluctantly.
'How is the hangover?' he asked me.
'Doable. I'll be fine, I already survived the worst I think.' I replied honestly. I watched how my hands were still shaking and man I still looked like shit, but I couldn't get any worse. We filled the rest of the morning with chit chat and playing monopoly.
At noon we both knew we had to depart ways and Tim walked me back to the Cullen mansion. I knew they were waiting for our return, but when we walked in they pretended to be busy with all sorts of things. Sometimes I wondered: if you were a vampire how do you fill your days? I mean if you don't need to sleep a day was long.
Alice walked our way and smiled at me. 'You look better.' She beamed.
'Yeah.' I just said and brought my bags upstairs. Tim followed me to my room and sat down on the bed.
'You gonna be okay Ren?'
'I'll live'
'Are you going to tell them what you've told me?' I knew that question would come eventually. I sighted and pinched the bridge of my nose.
'I don't know. We'll see.' To be honest I preferred not to. But somehow I wondered if they would let me of the hook so easily. I doubted it. We walked downstairs and it was time to say our goodbyes. Emmett promised Tim he would drive him to the station where he would take the train back to his college. Tim pulled me in one last hug, his cool arms felt good on my hot skin. His chin rested on my head as we stood there.
'Thank you.' I whispered into his chest.
'Always.' He whispered into my hairs. He pulled back his arms back and stepped back right when Edward and Bella walked in hand in hand. Edward reached out his hand to Tim.
'Thank you Timothy.' He said as they shook hands. Bella pulled him into a hug as well.
Carlisle and Esme came to say their goodbyes as well and finally it was time to go. We exchanged one more look and Tim winked before he walked out of the door. I felt strangely empty now that Tim was gone, I knew I could count on the Cullens but I already missed Tim. It was just so normal when we were together, I didn't knew the Cullens like I knew Tim.
'Did you have a good time?' Bella asked me. I turned my eyes to the ground not knowing if they knew. I assumed they knew, they weren't stupid. But Jasper promised me he would try not to let Edward know. 'Yeah, sure.' I mumbled and turned around to head to my room. There was distance between me and the Cullens, I knew I caused it myself. When I was in Seattle I longed back for this place so much, but after everything that happened I knew I didn't belong here. The headache that I feared so much eventually came and I walked downstairs to find Carlisle. He was working in his room, I walked inside his study and sat down.
'Just a second.' He said without looking up. So I waited patiently until he was done with his files and put them in a drawer.
'How was your week with Tim?' Carlisle smiled. I stared at my shaky hands and clutched them into fist, hoping he wouldn't see.
'Good. Thank you.' I answered.
'How are you feeling?' He said as he folded his hands.
'Not too good.' I mumbled still staring at my hands.
'I thought so, I got you some provision from the hospital' He smiled and slid open an other drawer. He grabbed a blood bag and placed in on the table. Cold sweat stung in my neck as I stared at the bag. The place where my fangs used to be started to hurt, it was instinct for them to extract, and my mouth started to water. But even though I craved for the blood I still felt sick. My stomach turned and I dashed out of the study to the toilet to throw up again. God damn Tim with his green smoothies I thought as I emptied to content of my stomach. I hated them when I had to drink them normally, but when they were coming out the other way around they were even worse. I wiped my lips and flushed the toilet. I splashed some water in my face and thought about how I was going to explain this.
I slowly unlocked the door and walked to the living room. I sat down on the couch and Carlisle walked after me. He knelt down in front of me and laid his cool hand on my forehead.
'What's going on with you?' He asked me. Jasper walked in and gave me a meaningful look. His golden eyes drilled in mine and were telling me to confess. Everyone soon joined us, expect Emmett who was driving Tim to the station, worried about my condition.
I sighted deep and noticed that Edward was staring at Jasper intensely. Jasper however was staring at me. I decided it would be best if I told them, it would buy me a few days. In those few days I could hopefully figure out how to handle my blood phobia. I sighted again, I felt so goddamn empty inside. I barely had the energy to even tell them.
'Jasper?' Edward said.
'She needs to tell you herself.' Jasper said. Every one of their eyes was on me, staring at me waiting for me to tell them.
'When I was in Seattle I –' I started but I didn't knew how to tell them. I didn't knew how to tell them I was a worthless addict.
'You can tell us, it's okay.' Bella carefully smiled.
My heart tightened in my chest. They were so kind. I felt even more terrible having to tell them this.
'Right, so when I was in Seattle.' I stared at my shaky hands and raised them. 'I witnessed some things. Horrible things that I never will be able to forget.' I stopped for a while trying to find the courage to tell them the rest. I tried to avoid their eyes, if I didn't make any eye contact it would be easier to say it out loud. I wouldn't be able to see the disappointment in their faces when they heard.
'So to numb out everything I start taking some pills my father gave me. But as the days passed and things didn't got any better I started to use more and more of them just to shut off everything that was going on. I became depended on them, I needed them to survive through the day. I became addicted.'
The words were out. There were a few seconds of silence before I head the door to the kitchen slam shut so hard the glass broke. When I looked up it was Edward who was missing from the room. Jasper stood up to follow him. I went back to staring at my hands and waited from them to say something anything at all.
'Renesmee.' Bella said but I interrupted her. 'I understand that I'm slowly becoming more of a burden than adding joy to your lives so..'
'Stop it!' Esme said!
'Renesmee. It's okay. It really is.' Bella said emotionally.
'What happened to you is horrible, we don't blame you for trying to shut it off.' Rosalie said as she gave me a encouraging smile.
There was yelling from the kitchen as Edward and Jasper were having an argument..
'You knew! You knew and you didn't tell us!' Edward shouted.
'She needed to tell you herself!' Jasper shouted back.
'Why don't we go to Carlisle's study for a little while.' Alice said as she offered me her hand to help me up. Alice exchanged one look with Bella which hurried to the kitchen right before there was a sound of shattering glass. Esme and Rosalie hurried to the kitchen as well when it got obvious that those two were fighting.
Alice left me and Carlisle to talk as she closed the door behind us.
Exhausted I sat down and Carlisle did the same. 'Thank you for telling us, we appreciate your honesty' He said as he poured me some water out of the decanter on his desk. I accepted the drink and looked at the ground. 'I just needed it to numb the pain Grandpa.' I sighted as the tears slowly started to well up in my eyes. It surprised me they didn't came any sooner.
'I already had my suspicions you were on something. How are you holding up right now?'
Before I could answer there was a loud bang outside the room. I shook my head and ignored it 'I'm okay, Tim helped me kick-off. I just have a terrible headache and I'm nauseous all day long.'
'How is the craving?'
I bit my lip. 'Every time I close my eyes I am hunted by those memories, the pills took that away for a little bit and that was nice. It also numbs the pain, the physical pain I mean. I am glad Alec stuffed me full of pills before they took my fangs out.' I took a sip of water as I waited for Carlisle's response.
'Renesmee.' Carlisle's voice was strangely cold for his doing. When I looked up I saw that his golden eyes turned dark, much darker than I'd ever seen. This time his hands were shaking and clutched into fists. He took a deep breath before he continued. 'Did the Volturi do this to you?'
I didn't dared to answer. It was the first time that I saw Carlisle this mad, he was always so controlled. I swallowed as more tears welled up in my eyes. Alice opened the door and stepped in trying to find out what was going on. She gave Carlisle a strange look before checking if I was okay.
'What's going on Carlisle?' She whispered as she took a protecting stance next to me.
'Renesmee, could you please answer the question?' Carlisle said with clutched teeth.
'Yes.'
Now it was Carlisle's turn to storm out of the room. Frightened I stared at him leave.
'Oh god no' Alice muttered as she stormed after him. So there I sat alone in Carlisle's office. Perplex I stood up and fled to my room. I grabbed one of the blankets, opened up the window and climbed onto the roof. I breathed in the fresh air and tried to calm down a little.
'Renesmee.' Someone said from behind me. I was staring at the sky almost in trance, but Edward's words snapped me out of it.
'I'm proud of you, telling this to all of us must be hard.' He said as he sat down beside me. I just shrugged my shoulders and folded my arms.
'I'm terrible sorry for my reaction. I am not mad at you.'
'Aren't you?' I asked with a little voice.
'No, of course not. You were just trying to survive. When we are in that kind of situations we do whatever we must.' He laid his hand on my shoulder. Carefully I looked up.
'I am sorry we let you down, that you had to go through this. That's the only thing I am upset about. We failed you.' This time it was his voice which broke.
He cleared his throat before he continued. 'Carlisle said it was the Volturi who removed your fangs. Is this true?'
'Is Carlisle mad at me?' I asked still trying to wrap my mind around everything that happened this evening.
'No hunny, of course he isn't mad at you.' Edward answered. I let the words sink in as I wrapped the blanket tighter around me.
'Renesmee, I am terribly sorry. We don't want to force you to do anything, but I need you to tell me what happened. You need to tell me what they did to you.' Edward whispered very softly.
'Okay.' I said exhausted and placed my hand on his cheek. With my last energy I showed him what happened. I showed him everything that happened after he drove me to the diner, I left out the part of me killing someone in cold blood, until the day the found me. As I slowly stopped the flow of memories I felt lightheaded. Edward slowly opened his eyes 'Thank you Renesmee.' He whispered.
'C-can you' I whispered. 'Can you please put me to bed?' My eyes were heavy and were already slowly closing. I felt how he lifted me up in his arms and jumped down. While we walked up the stairs I let go and gave over to the deep and claiming sleep.
Esme woke me in the morning. 'Renesmee dear, why don't you go take a shower and meet us downstairs love?' She said which I thought was a little weird.
When I was showered and brushed my teeth I walked downstairs. It was too quiet in the mansion. Usually there was some sound, not much, but at least some. I walked over to the kitchen where they waited for me. Jacob was also present, his brown eyes found mine the second I walked into the room. They set a plate for me and already made me coffee.
'What's going on?' I asked as I stirred my coffee. I wasn't hungry at all, so I skipped the breakfast they made me.
'We need you to stay a while at Jacob's.' Edward said with a face like thunder.
'Why?' I asked confused as I took a sip from my coffee.
'We are expecting some guests and we need you to be safe love.' Esme said with a sad smile.
'Who?'
'They are some covens coming this way.' Edward explained. 'We decided it would be best for you to stay with Jacob for a while so you can get the rest you need and you'll be safe.'
'I can hold my own. I'll stay here.' I answered as I threw up my chin in the air stubbornly.
'Renesmee, it's not up for discussion.' Edward said as he stared at the table.
There was a grim atmosphere in the room. I glared at Edward frustrated and he met my eyes with a neutral look on his face.
'Renesmee.' It was Jasper who spoke. He took my hand and led me to the corridor. Irritated and angry I glared at him as well as I waited for him to give me a good explanation why I needed to leave the mansion. I didn't want to go, I wanted to stay here. Also I still had much mixed feeling about my relationship with Jacob, which they knew, and now they were dumping me there for a few days?
'Ness.' He took a bewildered strand of hair and put it behind my ear. 'I need you to listen carefully to me. We need you to trust us on this one, I promise we will explain everything when the time is right. But you need to stay a few days at Jacob's for your own safety. Please.' His golden eyes maintained eye contact the whole time he spoke. My gut told me something wasn't right, something was not adding up. But I trusted the Cullens and I would do what they asked me to do.
'Okay.' I said a little chagrin. 'But I expect a good explanation when I come back.'
Jasper nodded. 'You have my word.'
So with mixed feeling I agreed to go to Jacob's house. Jacob grabbed my bags and we walked to the car. I took one more look at the mansion as I stepped in the car. Jacob turned the heating to maximal and slowly the car warmed up.
'You look better.' Jacob said after a while. I smiled weakly 'I feel a little bit better. It was kind of you to track down Tim and bring him here.'
He didn't respond to my comment but just focused on the road.
'I uhh' He cleared his throat. 'I don't want this to be awkward in any way. I haven't forgetten our last conversation and I'll promise I will give you all the room you need.'
'Thank you.' I answered. Now it was Jacob's time to smile weakly. In the meanwhile we arrived at his place, so he parked the car and we got my bags and walked into his home. I still loved this house, now that I laid eyes on it again I remembered the coming home feeling it radiated the last time.
I walked upstairs after Jacob and he put my bags in the bedroom.
'I've cleaned the bed so the sheets and covers are fresh. I don't really have a guest room so I'll sleep on the couch.' He said as he gestured to the made up bed. A little guilty I stared at him.
'What? No way, I'll sleep on the couch. That's no problem.' I countered and amused he shook his head.
'It's fine, really Ness. Now go ahead and unpack.' He grinned and walked downstairs
I grabbed my bags and unpacked the things I needed. I glanced over the room, there was a big king sized bed in the middle of it. The room itself was grey with white, really modern and minimalistic. There was a bookcase on the right wall, a desk in the left corner. But by the looks of it nobody ever used it. Curiously I walked over the shelfs with books and let my hand ran over their backs. There was some interesting literature here. Jacob probably used some of them for his study as police officer. Other were just for fun, there was the lord of the rings trilogy here and a few Harry Potter books, some thrillers and even some love stories.
When there was nothing more for me to inspect and I told myself I shouldn't postpone I slowly wandered downstairs. Jacob was sitting at the table with all sorts of documents in front of him. With an irritated face he was scribbling some words on a notepad.
'What are you doing?' I asked curiously.
He looked up, but just for a second. 'I'm working on this case, which is really though to crack.'
Before I could answer the telephone rang and Jacob answered it, talking about this mystery case of him. I decided I would watch some Netflix and watched some new episodes of the new season of Stranger Things. Somehow I couldn't focus on the storyline, my mind kept wandering back to the last time I'd been here. Things were so different back then, so much had changed in such a small amount of time.
Jacob startled me when he softly laid his hand on my shoulder. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.' He said with a soft voice.
'That's okay. I scare pretty easily' I admitted. He gave me a long and saying look. 'That's not surprising, considering everything you've been through.'
I shrugged my shoulders and paused the television. 'Guess so.'
'Come on, I made us some lunch.' He said and walked over to the kitchen. I followed him into the kitchen. There were all kinds of sandwiches on the table, there was coffee and cans of orange juice and lemonade.
My body was still in recovery and I knew I needed to eat something to regain my strengths. So I sat down and poured myself some juice.
'Any luck with the case?' I said as I took a sip.
Jacob grabbed one of the sandwiches. 'Nah, I just can't figure it out. ' He said as he stuffed his mouth. He chewed and within three bites the sandwich was gone. He grabbed another and watched me carefully.
'I just can't understand why they would rob a morgue.' He frowned.
I almost choked in my juice. I coughed a few times and put away the glass. 'They robbed a morgue?'
'Yeah, three bodies are gone. Two in Port Angeles and one in Forks. Who would do such a thing?'
I had a pretty good idea who would do such a thing.
'Do you have the autopsy reports?' I asked him seriously. He looked at me in a strange way and nodded. 'Yeah why?'
'Give them to me.' I said as I held up my hand. Confused Jacob stared at me before slowly turning to the counter and picking up the files.
'You know I can't share this information with you right?'
'Just give them to me.' I said as I rolled my eyes. He pressed them in my hand and I quickly read through them.
'I need the pictures as well.'
Astonished Jacob handed them to me as well. I quickly went through them as well.
'The body missing is Manuel Rodriguez?' I asked to be certain. Jacob nodded 'How did you know that?'
I placed the pictures on the table. 'I know where to look for. Look.' I said as my hand traced the line where the body was stitched up. Jacob stood up and took a seat next to me.
'The pattern of the stiches is different on his body.' I mumbled. Jacob's eyes went from me to the picture and back. 'Yes, it seems like it.'
'It's a wild guess, but can you check if Manuel's first destination was Port Angeles?' I asked him. Jacob grabbed his scribblings and nodded. 'Yes, it was a mistake that he was sent to Port Angeles. His family moved to Forks a couple years back and they want to bury him here.'
Jacob slowly placed his hand on my shoulder. 'Ness, how do you know all this?'
For a second there was hesitation. Should I tell him? The first rule of the kartel was that you should never speak about these things. But almost all the kartel was dead, so why wouldn't I?
'I will tell you, if you promise me you won't judge.' I said. We locked eyes and Jacob seemed to think about my offer.
'Do I want to know?'
'I don't know, you tell me.' I countered.
He nodded. 'Okay, bring in on then.'
I took a deep breath 'During my days in the kartel I was responsible for mainly trafficking. Sometimes I would do a drop, but mostly it was making plans for our infrastructure. Do you know how hard it is to come up with a good plan to traffic so many pills? It's hell.' I grimaced. Jacob didn't responded but kept silent just listening to me.
'I did it together with one of our companions Hugh, there were some others but that doesn't matter, Hugh had the idea to buy up some of the people working in the morgues throughout the whole country. With the right amount of money, everyone is willing to do something for you. Thousands of people a day die here in America. We just needed to figure out which ones needed to be sent back to their families.' I took the glass and took a sip of juice. My throat was dry.
'They transport drugs in the corpses.' Jacob already concluded.
I nodded. 'You can recognize it by their stiches. They are sown the other way around.'
'So the bodies which where stolen contained drugs?' I nodded again. 'Now that the kartel is fallen apart, they probably thought it was easy money. That's why the bodies were stolen. It was only coincidence that Manuel was brought here to Forks. All three of them were meant to go to Port Angeles.'
Jacob was still staring at me when I finished my conclusion. I gathered all the documents and handed them to him. 'Case cracked.' I mumbled as I felt the blood rush to my cheeks.
'Sometimes I forget that you were part of a drugs kartel.' He said bluntly.
I grimaced. 'Yeah me too.' I grabbed one of the leftover sandwiches, because I still didn't ate and made my way to the bedroom. I was tired, there was a headache just lurking at the back of my head. One glance at my hands told me they were still shaking. Maybe a nice hot bath would do me some good. I didn't think Jacob would mind so I grabbed my soap and shampoo from my bag and let the hot water run. When it was full enough I locked the bathroom door and started to undress. My eye caught my reflection in the mirror, I still wasn't looking like the girl I once was. I completely lost all sex appeal I owned. My face was white and a little greyish, with big dark circles under my eyes. My eyes were hollow and lifeless and my body looked frail in the mirror. I sighted and grabbed a big soft towel and laid it next to the bathtub so I could grab it when I was done. With my foot I checked the water temperature before I got in and slowly lowered myself in the water. The water was steaming and I used a big amount of soap so the surface of the water was covered in a think layer of foam.
The hot water did miracles for my sore body and finally I was able to relax a little. My mind however went over today. I wondered why the Cullens wanted me gone so badly, I hate to admit it but this actually hurt my feelings. I felt a little unwanted by them and I hoped their explanation would be good. I could hold my own with other vampires, I would be careful so why wouldn't they want me there? I sighted as I washed my hairs, maybe they were ashamed. Ashamed that their daughter, granddaughter and niece was an addict. My misery was slowly coming back to me when I thought about these things, I felt alone and unwanted. Sometimes, just sometimes I wondered why I was doing all of this. Sometimes this dark feeling creeped inside of me telling me I didn't mattered, that I was just a burden to everyone here.
'Stop it.' I told myself and splashed some water in my face. I needed to think of something different, so I thought about the boy downstairs. Was he happy now that we cracked the case? Or was this something he rather not know about me?
I slowly but certainly dozed off and fell in a light sleep. When I woke the water turned cold, I splashed some water in my face and noticed a dark stain in the water. Was I bleeding? It couldn't be. The stain was right at my feet and I pulled back my legs. Slowly the stain rose and surfaced. Cold and hollow eyes found mine as his face slowly appeared from the water. I screamed and stood up from the bath. In one move I jumped out of the bathtub and grabbed the towel. I quickly unlocked the door and wrapped the towel around myself as I fled to the hallway. I noticed I was still screaming. When I reached the corridor my wet feet slipped on the laminate floor and I fell.
'Ness.' I heard Jacob shout as he sprinted up the stairs. He lifted me from the floor and brought me to the bedroom. He sat me down on the bed and inspected the bathroom like I begged him too.
'What's going on? You're shaking like a leaf.' He asked worriedly. I couldn't answer him, but instead I broke down in a loud sobbing. He pulled me in his arms and I sobbed against his chest. He softly rocked me until I was calmed down enough to speak.
'What's up with you?' Jacob whispered as he slowly pulled back his arms.
'I don't really want to talk about it if that's okay.' I whispered with a broken voice.
'Okay.' Jacob said and stood up slowly. He handed me a clean pair of clothes and handed them to me.
'Why don't you change and I will light up the fireplace. You are freezing.' He said as he walked towards the door to give me some privacy.
'No. Don't go' The words were out before I realized what I was going to say. With big watery eyes I stared at him. Pleading him to stay with my eyes. With a worried look in his dark brown eyes he nodded and turned around. Quickly I slid into the clean clothes and told him when I was finished.
Together we walked out of the room. My heart was still racing and my body was still in flight mode. Anxious I followed Jacob to the living room and watched as he lid up the fireplace. I did my best trying not to fall apart. Jacob invited me to come sit before and fireplace and I did. As the heat of the flames warmed my skin Jacob eyes went over me curiously.
'What happened to you there Ness?' He softly whispered. I was too tired to tell him so I just shook my head. Very slowly he grabbed my hand, his hand was big compared to mine, and pinched it.
'I just want you to know that you can talk to me.'
JPOV
She looked terrible. Her face was white as snow as she stared into the flames. She looked so fragile and broken, my heart cried for her. She recovered quickly, I could by the look in her eyes. Within a half an hour she relaxed a little bit and the fighting spirit came back in her eyes. I was glad it did, because for a moment I thought she'd given up.
'What do you want to do tonight?' I asked her trying to take her mind of things.
'What do you mean?' Our eyes locked.
'Do you want to go bowling or do you want to watch a movie, do you want to play a game or is there something else you want to do?'
Confusion spread on her face. 'What the fuck is bowling?'
I couldn't help but let out a laugh. She never heard of bowling? She glared at me.
'It's settled, we'll go bowling.' I grinned. 'I will make a reservation for tonight. Do you want to invite Seth and Elouise as well?' She was still glaring at me because I laughed at her. 'Sure.' She answered cold, probably a little humiliated by my reaction. I chuckled and took the phone to dial Seth's number.
She was lovely all night. When we arrived at the bowling ally and we explained the game to her she needed a few tries before she got the hang of it. The first balls were thrown in the gutter, but soon they changed in spares and strikes and she played really good. We played for two hours before we headed back home. Seth and Elouise came with a different car so it was just the two of us.
I could tell she was tired when we arrived home. She crawled unto the couch with the fleece plaid.
'So did you like it?' I asked her. She gave me a weak smile 'Yeah, it was fun.' She whispered as she suppressed another yawn. 'I'm glad you liked it.' I said as I sat down next to her, I kicked of my shoes and took of the vest I was wearing. It'd been just for show, now that I was home I could easily run around in just a t-shirt. She watched me with languid eyes.
'So are you ready for bed?' I asked her. Suddenly her body language changed completely. She sat up and her eyes grew a little darker. Her heartbeat started to race and with big eyes she stared at me.
'I'm not tired yet.' She lied. I decided to play with her. 'Okay, What do you want to do now?'
'I'll make some coffee and maybe we can watch a movie or something like that?' She tried.
'Coffee? If you drink coffee this late you probably won't sleep..' I started. But then suddenly I realized what was up with her. She was petrified. She was afraid that at the moment she closed her eyes her nightmare would come to hunt her.
'You're afraid to go to sleep.' I concluded.
'No.' She lied. Nervously she was fiddling with her hands.
'Do you want me to sleep with you?' I offered her.
'No I can't ask that of you. Not when we don't know where we stand.' She whispered. I rolled my eyes and swung her up in my arms. She held onto me tightly as we walked to the bedroom. Anxiously she stared at me when I sat her down on the bed. I walked over to the closet, grabbed the airbed and plugged it into the outlet. With one press on the button it started to inflate itself and I grabbed one of the pillows and the spare blanket.
'You see all ready to go.' I smiled at her. There was a spark in her eyes when she met my eyes and she crawled under the blankets. I turned off all the lights, but she insisted on turning back on one of the nightlights. I stared at the ceiling.
'Thank you.' She whispered.
'Whatever you need.' I whispered back. I listened to her breathing, which was slow and steady now that I was here. When I was sure she was fast asleep I closed my tired eyes as well.
I woke from her screaming and sputtering. I was awake immediately and jumped up to aid her. I grabbed her by the shoulders and shrugged a few times until her eyes opened. Her breathing was rapidly and I softly caressed her face trying to calm her down. 'It's okay, I'm here.' I whispered as I pulled her in my arms. 'Nothing is going to happen. You're safe.'
Once glance at the clock told me it was 5:30. Renesmee slowly started to unclench and her breathing was normal and steady again. She was curled up in my arms with his face against my chest. Now that I was holding her like this, I felt how thin she was. The Cullens informed me that she wasn't doing well, but now that I held her I realized in what kind of shape she really was.
The numbers on the clock slowly changed and when it was 7:30 I slowly woke her up. There was this horrible cramp in my leg and I desperately needed to take a leak. Slowly she opened her eyes and blinked a few times. Confused she looked at our position and quickly removed herself from it. Grateful I stood up and stretched my legs.
'You stayed like that all night?' Her big deer eyes drilled in mine. I just shrugged my shoulders and turned around to walk downstairs. 'Breakfast will be ready in 10.'
Ten minutes later she slowly walked down and joined me at the table. She was frowning and her eyes darted from me to the breakfast I'd prepared.
'Something wrong princess?' I said as I grabbed a croissant and started to chew on it.
'Jacob.' She said and cleared her throat. 'I- I-.' Her frown got bigger as she struggled for words.
'Ren, don't mention it. Nothing happened, okay?' I poured her some milk and shove the glass towards her. 'You just had a bad dream and I stayed with you, that's all.'
'Yes.' She said but she was dissatisfied. 'But.'
'But what?'
'We should talk about us, shouldn't we?'
She caught me of guard. I looked up and noticed her face was very serious. She folded her arms and waited for my answer.
'Agreed. Do you want to start?" I challenged her.
'Jacob, I need you to understand that this.' She pointed from her to me. ' Isn't going to work.'
'and why is that?' I replied as a spark of angriness shot through me. I folded my arms as well and waited for her to say something.
'Because.' She took a deep breath but kept silent.
'What Ren, is it because your midweek with Tim?' I cursed myself the moment I said that, but the jealousy came out and I just couldn't help myself from letting it slip.
Renesmee gave me a confused look. 'What? You know?'
Angry I stood up. 'I'm not stupid Renesmee, I know what happens when you put two exes in a cabin for a week. So yeah I think I could guess.' My voice was bitter and her big brown eyes grew even bigger.
'What?' Her tone was still confused. 'Are you jealous right now?'
I shifted my glance towards the window. 'I am not jealous. It was my own fault, I was the one who brought him here. But I just wanted what's best for you.' I muttered.
'Tim has a boyfriend.' She dropped on me coldly. My eyes darted back to her. 'Excuse me?'
'Tim. Has. A. Boyfriend.' She repeated word for word. 'Nothing happened between us.'
My heart leaped with joy and relief when I heard that. I did my best not to show her, but I think she noticed it anyway.
'He helped me kick off.' Now it was her turn to sound bitter. 'I am an addict Jacob. A goddamn addict. And trust me, if I had the possibility right here and right now to take one and banish those god damn nightmares I would.' Her words shocked me and with an open mouth I stared at her.
'That's why we can't be together. Because I am broken. I am too broken to mend.' She hissed with tears in her eyes. 'You are a great guy, you deserve better than me Jake.' This time her tone was not as hostile but still bitter. I realized Renesmee was disgusted by the person she had become.
'Nessie.' I whispered. 'I am so sorry this had to happen to you. But please don't blame yourself. You are not responsible for what happened.' She chuckled. 'Aren't I Jake?'
'I am a terrible person'
I leaped forward and grabbed her wrists. 'Don't say that.' I hissed.
'But it's true.' She whispered.
'We all did terrible things Renesmee. ' I softly said as I watched the tears rolled down her cheeks. She stared at me tiredly and I slowly released her wrists. Right at that moment my phone started to buzz, I knew it could be one of the Cullens checking in on us and I knew that I needed to answer before they would worriedly storm down the door. So I turned around to grab my phone and Renesmee hurried out of the room in a flash.
RPOV
When his telephone started to buzz I hurried my way upstairs desperately trying to avoid this kind of conversation. I almost told him what I did. In the heat of the moment I almost blurted out that I killed someone. I wrapped myself in the blanket on the bed and stared at the ceiling, I didn't think about trying to get some sleep. By now I knew that he would come and haunt me.
I wrinkled my nose. The bed smelled like Jacob. My mind trailed of to this morning, how I'd woken up in his arms and I slightly panicked. At first I couldn't wrap my mind around it, why was I in his arms. What happened last night? But then I realized that after the nightmare he sat by me and comforted me. Tired as I was I fell asleep instantly and Jacob never let me go. I had to admit that was kind of sweet, staying with me and holding me like that. He was such a sweet guy, weeks ago it frightened me that he imprinted on me. It felt like I was going to lose my freedom, there were so many things I wanted to do. But now, everything had changed.
I was broken. And even though there was an attraction between us, I couldn't pull him under in my darkness, misery and self-pity. Like I said before, he was a good guy and he deserved something better than this. I stared at my hands which were still shaking, when would I be okay again?
I heard his footsteps on the stairs and I sighted deep, trying to gather up the courage for this conversation. Jacob wasn't going to let me walk away from this. I didn't close the door and he walked in, a frown on his stoic face.
'What about my choice in the matter?' He asked me and I looked up.
'What choice?'
'Exactly. You're not giving me any choice at all. Because has it ever occurred to you that it's my choice as well? You can't just shove me away and tell me this.' He pointed from me to him. 'is never going to work without even giving it a shot.'
I didn't knew why, but I was slowly getting angry. I threw of the blankets and stood up to face him.
But Jacob was just getting started. 'I fell in love with you the first moment I saw you, literally, and I'm willing to do anything for you. I will fight for, I will keep you safe, I will be everything you need Renesmee. And I know it's a lot to take in that I imprinted on you.' He took a deep breath before he continued his plea. 'And god I wish you didn't find out like that. I hoped you didn't found out for a while to be honest. I wanted us to become friends at first, I wanted you to know that I was a good guy and that I had your best interest at heart. Always.'
I wanted to say something, but I had no idea what.
'And I'm so sorry I failed to protect you, twice.' His voice broke and his body started to shake heavily. 'I will never ever forgive myself for what happened to you.' Out of anger he planted his fist against the door. His fist went straight trough the wood and made a hole in the wooden frame of the door. He pulled back and stared at the hole he left. My heart broke seeing him this emotional. With everything that happened I had my doubts about Jacob and me, but I didn't dislike him. I still cared for him, he was a good guy. So I sprinted forward and grabbed his fist before he could smash the door again.
'Hey, don't.' I whispered. With both my hands I slowly forced him to unclench his fist.
'It's not your fault.' I said honestly 'I don't blame you for it. You have to believe that.'
'I just need you to give me a chance. If you want me to love you I will love you unconditionally. My heart is yours whenever you want it to be.' He whispered in my hairs as he pulled me in a hug. For a moment I froze, but slowly started to relax in his warm arms. I wrapped my arms around his torso and rested my head against his chest.
After a while I broke our embrace. 'Let's patch up that hand of yours.' I said as I inspected his hands, which was scratched and bleeding.
'No it's fine.' He grinned goofily. 'It's just a scratch.'
'I don't accept any objections.' I said as I placed my hands on my hips.
'Fine. Whatever' He grinned as he rolled his eyes and followed me downstairs. I got his first aid kid and he leaned against the counter as I cleaned his scratched hand and put a band aid on it. I suddenly realized that it was the exact same spot we sat last time when..
Jacob realized it too, but we both didn't said a thing about it. Awkwardly I stepped back and put back the first aid kit. Jacob cleared his throat. 'I still got some work to do, Seth brought by some homework for you. He doesn't want you to fall behind. It's in the corridor, the silver bag.'
So we spent the afternoon both working. I worked on the homework Seth gave me and Jacob worked through his administration. When he was finished he stood up and stretched.
'I'm going to take a shower, are you going to be okay?'
I gave him a nod. 'Yeah, sure go.'
I finished up as well and put away the books. I was a little thirsty so I opened one of the cupboard to pour myself a glass of cola. I opened the wrong one, which was stored with boxes, papers and that kind of things. By opening the door one of the small boxes had fallen out so I bend over to pick it up. It was a jewelry box, and I couldn't help myself to peak inside. So I opened it and looked at the beautiful golden ring with a small stone on it. It was a wedding ring.
'Don't freak out.' I heard Jacob's voice behind me.
I turned around and my cheeks flushed now that he caught me snooping around.
'Don't freak out Ren, please.' He said. His hairs were still wet and hung around his face. He was just wearing sweatpants and nothing else. His muscular torso was planting indecent idea's inside my head so I turned my eyes to the ground.
'I know it's not meant for me.' I said as I shut the box and put it in the counter. Jacob somehow seemed relieved and nodded. 'It was meant for Sarah, after we broke up I couldn't return it. That's why it's still here.'
'It's fine.' I shrugged.
Jacob watched me carefully as I grabbed a glass and poured myself some cola.
'So what do you want to eat?' He asked trying to change the subject. We decided we would go for something easy and made some pancakes. With our plates we walked over to the living room, and plopped down on the couch. Every time I was surprised by Jacob's appetite, it was unimaginable how much that boy could eat.
'Can I ask you one more question?' He asked seriously when he was done eating.
'Only if I can ask you a question as well.' I offered. He shrugged and decided it was a fair deal so he agreed.
'You go first.'
'Did you guys really wanted to abort me before I was born?' I asked while I chewed on my lip. The question kept lingering in the back of my mind after my mother told me that day. I didn't knew why it came up now, but I just wanted confirmation. Whatever question Jacob expected, this was not it. With big surprised eyes he stared at me as he tried not to spit out his drink.
'Who told you this?' He narrowed his eyes.
'My mother, when I was down in Seattle.'
Jacob sighted deep and took one of my hands in his. 'Ness, the pregnancy of your mother was hell. Giving birth to a hybrid baby almost took her life. It tore her up, literally. One by one her bones were breaking, she became malnourished. We all thought she wasn't going to make it. To save Bella's life we tried to persuade her to abort you.'
I nodded. 'Thank you for your honesty.'
'But that doesn't mean we..' Jacob started but I shut him off. 'I know. Really I know' I said thinking everything the Cullens did for me the last couple of months. I knew they loved me, that was out of the question.
'So what was your question?'
Jacob stared at me awkwardly before softly asking 'You said you were addicted, were you shooting?'
My eyebrows went up and I chuckled. I rolled up my sleeves and showed him my untouched arms.
'I don't do heroine. I just took a shitload of pills.'
'That's why you are shaking like a leaf constantly he?' Jacob concluded. I nodded. 'Yeah. Rehab is a bitch.'
CPOV
They arrived. I could see their back figures on the end of the hill. There weren't many, but we were still outnumbered. Esme stood next to me and grabbed my hand.
'Are you sure this is a good idea Carlisle?' She whispered.
No. I wasn't sure this was a good idea. But I just couldn't let it slide. Aro had been my friend, we shared many years together. But he betrayed our friendship the moment he mutilated my granddaughter. I had to make sure something like this would never happen again.
So guys any thoughts on this chapterrr?