Note: My judgment of wordcount has, once again, failed me. There will be another, quicker, smaller, Hiccup chapter to wrap up his plotline before the final Elsa chapter and the epilogue.
This has not been proofread at all, so there are bound to be tons of mistakes. Bear with me.
~H~
A Chance Encounter
Hiccup 5
Act III
~H~
The escape from the compromised safehouse was frantic. As quickly as they could, the two vikings and the Arendellian soldiers vacated the blood-soaked basement and made a mad dash towards the main road of Varnas, their goal being the barracks of the city garrison.
There was no point in stealth anymore. The mission was already busted. All that remained was that they make sure everyone else made it to safety.
The two vikings and the injured soldier were in the middle of the tight-knit circle of Arendellians, all going as fast they could while still maintaining a vigilant eye around them, weapons drawn and poised. They ignored the civilians who stumbled out of their way, no doubt startled at their bloody appearance and naked weapons.
It seemed like it took hours for them to reach the barracks. Hiccup's shoulder was throbbing painfully, and he was beginning to lose feeling in his left arm. Any attempt to move it resulted in surges of pain, so he simply let it hang on its makeshift sling, haphazardly made out of some torn cloth from his sleeve.
Perhaps more worryingly, the red patch on Ruffnut's side was growing steadily wider, and her gait had gained a wobbly quality that was quite uncharacteristic of her. She needed to be treated, and quickly.
They made it to the main road without trouble, though everyone was jumping at shadows and the smallest of noises. Not too far from the barracks itself, a small contingent of soldiers rushed out and headed towards them.
In a blur they were herded inside while fresh guards were dispatched to comb the surrounding streets, looking for any hostiles.
Hiccup and Ruffnut were guided deeper into the building, into what must have been the infirmary. He was separated from Ruffnut as she was rushed to a different room, followed by a gaggle of worried healers who all tried to speak at once. He was given a full glass of something alcoholic which he just downed with his good hand, not even pausing to take in the taste or the sting on his throat. Then, he was made to bite into a block of wood, and he did so as hard as he could, knowing what was to follow.
He almost passed out from the pain as the metallic bolt was pulled out of his shoulder in one smooth move. When he was sure he wouldn't bite his tongue he spat the wood out and started cursing, unsure of what exactly he was saying but content enough to just repeat Gobber's cusses from whenever the blacksmith would hurt himself in the forge.
He barely noticed the healer quickly and efficiently clean his wound, stitch it shut and bind it. He was given a proper sling for it, too. Still a little wobbly from the alcohol but thankful for its pain-numbing qualities, he was told by the healer that he would be fine and that he should just rest now.
"How's Ruffnut?" He asked.
The healer didn't know, but he left the room to find out and came back a minute later to tell him that she was still in surgery but expected to not have any problems. Apparently her wound was deeper and wider than it appeared, but she hadn't lost too much blood yet.
Hiccup let out a sigh of relief, thankful that his friend would be fine. He attempted to take a nap, but the throbbing pain in his arm did not let him. Instead, he tried to relax, clear his thoughts, and think things through. The pain and the alcohol were making his mind sluggish, but several things were clear.
They'd been betrayed. The enemy was aware of their plan to such a degree that they even knew about the switch. That much was obvious now. It made sense, in hindsight. He'd been surprised that more men had not been sent to the ambush, but they had just been a distraction, meant to keep the Arendellians busy while the real strike occurred in the safehouse.
Hiccup's stomach twisted with guilt at the realization that it was nothing but his insistence on the switch that had saved his life - and condemned the lives of their doubles. His intentions had been honest; he never would have allowed someone else to fight and possibly die in his place. And yet, directly because of his actions, people had died in his place.
Of course he knew there was nothing he could have done to save them. There was no way to know their plan had been leaked, otherwise he never would have let the doubles die. It was by pure, dumb luck that he and Ruff were alive right now instead of them.
The young man's blood-stained face would not fade from his vision.
He resolved to learn their names at the first opportunity.
He was shaken awake some time later. Startled, he tried to get up only to put strain on his tied hand, forcing him to hiss in pain.
"Easy." The man who woke him told him.
Hiccup looked around, noting the low visibility. He'd actually fallen asleep, and for longer than he'd expected.
"What time is it?"
"Late."
He nodded. "Any word on Ruffnut?"
"She's expected to make a full recovery as long as she doesn't strain her wound. She should be well enough for the trip back tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?"
The Arendellian gave him a nod. "It is too late to ride to Arendelle now. A messenger was dispatched to the Queen some hours ago."
His uncomfortable sleep had made him ache all over, but some squirming reminded him that he had bigger things to worry about. Looking down at his injured hand, he noted that someone had taken the time while he was asleep to bind his arm more securely and even fold his - newly cleaned - clothes around it.
He was soon brought some food for a late dinner. Despite being assured that it was standard barracks fare, Hiccup was still impressed by the quality of the meal. After that, he gingerly got up from the bed and out of the room. Ruffnut's room was just two doors down from his, and there was a guard outside her door that gave him a nod and let him pass, opening the door for him.
Ruffnut's room was much like his own, spartan but functional, lacking in windows. Ruff herself was still in bed, though she was using a number of pillows to prop herself up against the headboard. She turned towards him as soon as he entered, and her face broke into a toothy grin.
"Hey."
"Hey, yourself."
"You look like shit."
He couldn't help the dry chuckle that escaped him.
"That's rich, coming from you."
Ruffnut's armor had been carefully stacked on a table nearby, and she was now wearing a simple white gown and many, many bandages. Her entire torso was bandaged up, he could see, and she was also wrapped up to her elbows. The bandages on her injured side had dark red spots here and there, but her wound seemed to be closed tight.
"Still prettier than you are, mister tall and lanky."
"No arguments there." He grunted as dragged a chair to her bedside and gingerly lowered himself on it.
Her smile slowly faded away as she watched him, and his own good mood at seeing her alright vanished.
Eventually, she spoke. "Did you figure out what happened?"
"Not much to figure out," he admitted. "We got played. They knew about the switch, or they were planning a hit on the safehouse regardless. That seems unlikely, though. I was told there were more around the city, but only this one got hit as far I know."
Ruff grimaced. "We … really fucked up, didn't we?"
The image of the young blond man, laying in a pool of his own blood wearing Hiccup's armor passed through his mind.
"Yeah."
They were silent for a few moments longer, before Ruff let out a bitter chuckle.
"You know what's funny?" She asked him. Hiccup did not answer. "For the minute or so we stayed in that basement, one thing stuck out to me. You remember the girl they used as my double? Well, as she lay there, her hand was in a weird position. Not in an angle you'd expect a dying person to be. She was actually reaching out for your double. Her eyes, too, were locked on him."
She chuckled once again. Hiccup knew she found nothing of this funny, but Ruff was the kind of person who chose laughter over tears whenever she could.
"What do you suppose they were, that her final thoughts would be of him?" She asked, again not waiting for him to say anything. "Lovers? Siblings? Friends?"
They were vikings. Death was not foreign to them. They had lost much, the both of them, over the years. They had caused and witnessed countless deaths in their relatively short but eventful lives.
Hiccup supposed that this was bound to hit them a bit harder than usual. Their deaths were unexpected. Sudden. They had not died in the glory of combat, able to meet their ancestors with heads held high. They had been cowardly cut down from afar in a surprise attack, while their guard was down. There was no honor to be found in such a death.
Perhaps what made this case cut deeper was the fact that what brought about their deaths was their efforts to prevent this exact outcome. Hiccup knew there was point in blaming themselves. Doubtlessly Ruff did, too. He also knew that for a little while at least, that would be impossible.
He scooted his chair closer to her bed and took her right hand in his good one. She gave him a sad smile, and held on. They said nothing, simply stayed in each other's presence, until a doctor came in the room and gently requested Hiccup return to his room.
He went, had a small snack, carefully washed himself - not without grudgingly accepting help - before once again trying to sleep.
The next morning, their group set about preparing to return to the capital. Hiccup got ready relatively quickly and then helped Ruff wear as much of her armor as she could manage. Not directly, but he did stop her from permanently scarring the poor maids who attempted to help her dress with her swearing.
Much to Ruff's embarrassment and Hiccup's mirth, her injury forced her to ride side-saddle. It took several minutes until a sputtering Ruffnut was finally safely seated. Hiccup himself required some help to get on the horse, but could otherwise ride normally.
They departed from Varnas with double the guards they initially arrived with. Hiccup was informed that a runner from the Queen had arrived early in the morning and relayed several - quite furious - orders. Varnas was, even now, crawling with soldiers attempting to root out any potential remnant of enemy presence.
A lost cause, Hiccup knew. If their attackers were half as smart as they'd appeared so far they'd be long gone. No doubt the Queen knew this too, but it was still common sense to check.
Despite the relatively short journey there, it took them almost two days to return to Arendelle, mainly because Ruff was forced to ride very, very slowly, so as to not aggravate her still fragile side. Still, Hiccup didn't mind not jostling his arm and giving his wound time to heal.
From afar, a day before reaching their destination, Hiccup could make out the fierce storm raging in the distance. He pointed it out to the head of their guard detail, who squinted at it.
"I don't think it's directly above the city," Hiccup noted.
The lieutenant nodded. "The Queen's work, no doubt."
As they came closer to Arendelle, the storm in the distance grew and grew. What was that woman doing?
Their arrival was met with surprisingly little fanfare. Hiccup didn't expect a huge crowd, but no doubt news of their attack had reached the city, and he had expected at least some curious onlookers.
When one of the local guards they passed through was asked, his reply was: "Everyone not working is watching the fjord."
Hiccup could understand that. The massive blizzard spanned miles in diameter, and stopped just shy of the capital itself. The harbor had been closed and the ships had been grounded for almost two days now.
Hiccup himself opted to take their company the long way around to the castle, hoping that passing through the harbor would give him a clearer glimpse of the snowstorm. The lieutenant, being curious himself, agreed.
There was not much to see. The blizzard was gigantic and chaotic, dark clouds covering the horizon and limiting their view considerably. Hiccup had never seen anything like it, not even in the far north. The raging blizzard was blowing arounds tons of snow, and thunder struck often among the gathered clouds as the Queen's wrath raged, terrible but not unchecked. If he didn't know any better, he'd have assumed that the Gods of Asgard were waging war on the mortal realm.
Perhaps most impressive was how contained the storm was. Though huge, it had clearly defined limits, to the point where even though the worst blizzard Hiccup had ever seen was raging just a couple kilometers away, the weather above Arendelle was, well, nice. Sunny, normal.
He exchanged a look with Ruffnut. Her eyes were wide and disbelieving, but there was no denying the storm.
The impressive display of sorcery put a lot of things into perspective for Hiccup, as well. Did it matter that he had managed a victory through trickery, in the face of this? Against such a demigoddess, what could he and Toothless offer? He and his companion were limited by their physical forms and capabilities, but the Queen… what was she limited by?
He shook his head, discarding such thoughts from his mind. Magnificent and dangerous though the Snow Queen was, a person's worth was judged by more than their abilities, and he would be better served worrying about his injuries right now.
They were quickly allowed through the castle gates and into the Courtyard. Hiccup could see, here as well as into the city proper, that the guards were abuzz with activity. The whole of Arendelle was mobilizing.
In the Courtyard they were met by the Princess, some of the council members and a small entourage.
They dismounted with some difficulty, the soldiers taking the horses and heading towards the barracks, helped by several of their local colleagues and castle staff. Two of the nearby guards stood next to Hiccup, to which he raised an eyebrow but didn't otherwise react.
Princess Anna and her cohorts approached him and Ruffnut. His friend stayed by his side, perhaps a bit closer than necessary, but understandably so after their recent ordeal.
The princess looked suitably horrified upon gazing at their bandaged wounds. She seemed at a loss for words, which drew an amused chuckle from Hiccup.
"Hey, Anna," he said conversationally. "How have you been?"
She sputtered. "How have I- that's all you have to say after what happened?"
"What do you expect me to say? Let's go inside, it's getting cold." It wasn't, but Hiccup really wanted to go in, eat, wash, and reunite with Toothless, who must have been frenzied by now.
Anna fell in step next to him. Hiccup spared a look at her followers, courtiers and members of the inner council that stood here and there, unsure of what to do. No doubt, the princess forewent protocol when welcoming them. Seeing the three of them head inside by themselves, they dispersed, the official reception hijacked by the princess.
Anna was very upset, fretting all over Hiccup and even Ruffnut, nervously demanding a recounting of the events even though she'd heard the report. Hiccup obliged her, giving her a description of what happened, though leaving out the more graphic details.
"That's horrible," Anna exclaims once he has concluded, and Hiccup could tell that she really meant it. She looked just as distressed as when Elsa was attacked. Anna was really a kind soul. A rare thing to find, during such times.
"No doubt," he agreed, then turned his gaze out through a window, from which the raging blizzard was still visible in the distance. "What's going on over there, Anna?"
Anna took a brief look outside, herself, before shaking her head. "Elsa didn't take the news of our losses and your injuries very well," she said. "She's been out there almost three days now. Half the castle is in an uproar. The council is fuming over the closing of the harbor. We've had to redirect all incoming traffic to nearby, smaller ports. I'm not sure what Elsa is trying to accomplish," she admitted. "But I hope she does it soon. There are more worrying things that need her attention."
"What's happened?"
Anna looks at Hiccup, then at Ruffnut, then back at Hiccup, biting her lower lip. Eventually, she relents, trusting in him. He appreciated this trust. "Small incursions along the borders, freezing of diplomatic relations, trade embargoes… things are spiraling out of control."
Hiccup frowned. All those sounded like… "War?"
Anna shook her head frantically. "No! Not yet, at least. It looks bad, but maybe we can fix this. Hopefully things won't escalate to that degree."
Hiccup admired her determination, even if he didn't share her optimism. "I hope so."
Anna lead them to their floor, stopping in front of Ruffnut's rooms.
"Food will be brought to you," she said. "The doctors said you need rest. Is there anything else you require?"
"Nothing. 'Scuse me," Ruff said as she slipped inside her rooms after a very brief bow. Barf's excitement was audible even through the thick doors as they continued on down the hallway towards his own quarters.
"Rest sounds good right now," Hiccup noted with a nod. "Just make sure to tell Elsa I need to talk to her when she gets back?"
Anna nodded. "She'll want to talk to you, no doubt. I'm really sorry about all this, Hiccup. If we knew this would happen, we'd never have-"
"You didn't though," he cut her off. "There's plenty of blame to go around, just… not now, yeah?"
She nodded again, lips pursed, expression worried, but didn't insist. "Rest up and get well soon."
Hiccup bowed his head and went inside. His eyes immediately scanned the place for Toothless. He located his companion in his usual spot on the balcony, next to the broken door, limbs askew.
The Night Fury, having no doubt smelled him coming, all but pounced on him, barely missing the frame of the removed door, tongue lolling and releasing loud yipping noises.
Hiccup too laughed when Toothless curled around him in an embrace and gave him a long lick.
"I missed you too, buddy."
Toothless' excitement lasted only as long as it took him to notice the other prominent smell on Hiccup - that of his own blood - and notice the state of his arm. When he did his eyes narrowed, his nostrils flared and he started growling threateningly from low in his throat, ear flaps flat against his head.
"Easy, bud. I'm okay now, the fight is over."
It took quite a bit for Toothless to calm down, time during which Hiccup made sure to hold his friend's neck and caress his head in soothing motions. Hiccup explained everything that had happened to Toothless. The dragon may not understand him perfectly, or even think in a way that would allow him to follow the narrative of events, but the sound of Hiccup's voice still helped calm him down.
He bathed with difficulty, getting the dirt and grime of the journey off his tired body, along with the dragon saliva. As he prepared for bed, the snowstorm still raged in the distance.
His thoughts idly drifted to Elsa as he lay down, feeling the exhaustion hit him like a physical thing. With all that had happened, he hadn't given any thought as to his hopeless situation with the Snow Queen. Was he destined to always be too hesitant, too slow, too incompetent?
Perhaps.
Sleep overcame him before long.
~H~
He woke up groggily the next day, wincing before even opening his eyes from the wound on his shoulder. He'd accidentally laid some weight on it, and it was not happy.
He dressed and went outside, leaving Toothless still sleeping on the balcony. Ernie was waiting for him outside the door. The young man was doing his best to keep his professional composure, but Hiccup could easily see the worry evident in his eyes and expression, or the tense way in which he stood. He looked him up and down, eyes lingering on his injured shoulder.
As they walked to the breakfast room, they talked. Ernie told him that he'd heard what had happened from the Princess, and Hiccup told him some of his thoughts regarding the incident.
Outside the castle, the storm was winding down.
"Perhaps the Queen will return soon," Ernie ventured, hope clear in his voice as he looked outside.
Though less confident, Hiccup silently agreed.
He had breakfast with the princess, her beau Kristoff, and two members of the council. They were polite, wishing him a quick recovery but asking no questions, for which he was thankful.
Discussion over the table circled through several state issues, such as the mood of the populace, reports from the border and other such related things. The ice master was reporting what he heard from the common people while working outside the city, Anna was keeping her contributions to a minimum face uncharacteristically frowning and lips pursed, and Hiccup stayed out of the discussion altogether.
After breakfast, he returned to Toothless, who was just polishing off his own. Toothless very eagerly agreed to go flying, though Hiccup cautioned him to go slowly, since he was still injured.
When landing some time later, Hiccup found the castle abuzz with activity, servants rushing everywhere and soldiers looking more alert than ever.
Ernie greeted him on the Courtyard as soon as landed, and together the three of them headed inside.
"What's all the commotion about?"
"The Queen returned sometime this morning."
"I see." No wonder everyone was nervous, after an absence of days. Indeed, the storm had died down, now reduced to light snowing as the heavy clouds dispersed. Hiccup had noticed this during his earlier flight.
"How is… miss Thorston?"
Hiccup turned to the young man. Ernie was resolutely looking ahead, though his jaw was set firmly.
"You haven't been to see her?"
"I… didn't want to impose. It's still early."
"Well, let's go see her."
"I'm not sure if I should…"
"Nonsense."
The three of them went to Ruff's quarters and knocked. A few curses and seconds later, the doors were opened to allow them entry. Ruffnut was inside but not alone, a nurse following her constantly, ignoring the viking woman's glares.
Ruffnut appeared fine at first glance, but upon closer inspection, one could see bandages cover most of her skin beneath her clothes, and a decent sized strip even went around her temples.
"Odin help me if I need you to open doors for me, woman!" Ruff cursed at the nurse.
"Of course, miss. Please don't strain yourself."
Ruff grunted in frustration, before directing her glare at him and Ernie. "Well, you coming in or what?"
The two of them went inside while Ruff opened the doors fully to allow Toothless entry. The Night Fury gave the blonde Viking an affectionate nudge with his snout, earning a laugh and a pat, before ambling to the open balcony to sit with Barf.
"How do you feel, miss Thorston?" Ernie asked once they had settled inside.
"That's a stupid question," she grumbled with a grimace. "And what with the Thorston crap, kid?"
"You gonna be alright?" Hiccup asked, diverting Ruff's attention.
"Sure."
"I'm sure Ernie is missing his instructor."
She grimaced. "Not much sparring I can do like this. I can still direct you, though," she told Ernie.
"I wouldn't ask for lessons from you in your condition."
"My condi-, bah. Done worse things in worse conditions, I'll have you know."
They spent a few minutes talking about injuries, the castle, their dragons and some of Ruffnut's stupider stunts over the years.
"Ernie," Hiccup asked his aide. "Why don't you go make sure Toothless hasn't scratched this balcony to oblivion, too?"
Ernie frowned in confusion, pursing his lips, but didn't object, getting up and heading to the big balcony where the dragons were lounging.
Hiccup turned to Ruff's nurse. "Miss… Jess, was it?"
The young woman blinked a couple times. "Ah, yes, lord Haddock."
"I'm sure taking care of Ruff must be tiring. Why don't you take this opportunity to stretch your legs a bit? I'll watch over her while you're gone."
She looked a little flustered. "Um… I'm not sure if I should-"
"Nonsense, you must be feeling cooped up. Take a small break, yeah? I insist."
"...okay. Thank you."
She rose, bowed deeply, and left the apartment with hurried steps.
Ernie, bless him, saw this from outside and very deliberately closed the balcony door, with him still outside.
Smart kid.
"Alright, Ruff said with grunt, "What do you want to tell me that even your boy toy can't hear?"
Hiccup raised an eyebrow. "My boy toy? I thought you had dibs."
Ruff glared at him. "You've some nerve saying that after you basically ordered me that there was to be no touching."
"What can I say, Ernie has some ways to go before he can take your tender mercies."
"I'd be nice to him. Mostly."
Hiccup snorted. "I'm sure."
"Just because you were too much of a sissy-"
"Don't," he cut her off, shaking finger at her. "Don't even go there. We promised to forget that ever happened."
Ruff rolled her eyes. "Best sex of his life and he-"
"Ruff, seriously, cut it out."
"Then fucking get on with it before Barf wants a piece of Ernie to wash down his food."
Hiccup's light expression melted as his brow furrowed. "How soon can you fly?"
"My answer or the nurse's?"
"Yours."
"Give me two days and I'll be good."
"Okay," Hiccup said with a nod. "That's good."
"What are we doing?"
"I need you to go back to Berk."
Ruff glared. "Out of the question."
"It's not a request."
"If you think I'm leaving you here alone-"
"Ruff-"
"-then you must have gotten hit in the head, because-"
"Ruff!"
She stopped her tirade at his angry exclamation, though her angry frown remained. It was matched by Hiccups glower as they stared each other down in silence for a few seconds.
"You can't expect me to believe that this is over."
Hiccup shook his head as his glare abated. "It's not."
"And you want me to leave you alone here? Are you nuts?"
"You've done enough, you're injured. Go back to Berk, get healed properly."
"I'll be fine before long."
"It's not just that," Hiccup said, brushing at his slight stubble. "I want you to check in on the situation back home. I've been gone long, and I don't trust those two not to try and make a move, despite the season. I need to know how things stand."
Ruff pursed her lips. Though no longer yelling, her voice still carried her trademark stubbornness. "You could send a message to Fishlegs."
Hiccup shook his head again. "I need someone the warriors can follow. Ruffnut, this isn't a request."
"Fine!" she grunted out. "I'll fucking go, alright? Just tell me why."
Hiccup leaned back on his chair, letting out a long exhale.
"They came for me, Ruff," he said, tone contemplative. "The attack was aimed at me. So long as they come directly at me, I can face them. But if they find another venue of attack, say, someone close to me, the game will change. I can't stay on top of this and keep you safe at the same time. I can't afford to watch your back until you fully recover."
Ruff's jaw was set, nostrils flaring for a few seconds, but she kept whatever outburst contained. In the end, she gingerly relaxed deeper into her chair.
"I'll go the day after," she said into the silence, receiving a nod from her chief.
She turned her head to look at him. "But Hiccup, you know that wasn't the end of it, right?"
"The Queen's enemies seem to think I am a danger to their plans, yes."
"Who will be watching your back if I'm gone, then?"
"I have Toothless."
She snorted. "You'll both get killed."
"Perhaps. Then again, perhaps not."
"I'm scared for you, Hiccup," she admitted, which took Hiccup by more surprise than he was comfortable with. "This is getting dangerous, even by your standards. Why do you even have to stay here? Come with me back to Berk, they can't follow us there."
He shook his head. "I had a hand in creating this mess. I'm involved. I need to stay, at least a bit longer."
Ruff narrowed her eyes at him. "Is that really the reason you're getting involved in this? Are you sure it's not about her?"
"It's not- Don't give me that look."
"Stop fucking lying to me."
"Fine. It's not just that, okay?"
Ruff didn't look the least bit convinced, but at least she let it drop. "No one could ever stop you when you had something stupid in mind."
Hiccup let out wry chuckle.
"This isn't funny, Hiccup. We're already in the middle of a war or two, and you want to get involved in another?"
"It won't go that far."
"You're risking a whole lot to help your girl's kingdom, Hiccup."
"Only myself."
"Are you listening to yourself? Do you have any idea what would happen to us if you were gone?"
"My priority will always be Berk, you know that."
She narrowed her eyes. "Do I?"
Hiccup glared at her. "Do you seriously doubt my intentions?"
Ruff shook her head. "No. But Hiccup, you're in love. Your judgement-"
"My judgement is fine. Trust me please, I'd never endanger Berk."
She bit her lip, obviously holding back from arguing further. "I hope you're right, Hiccup."
Hiccup didn't reply, instead turned his gaze to the balcony, where Ernie was scratching Toothless and Barf's necks simultaneously.
He hoped so, too.
~H~
Later that evening, Ernie found him in his quarters as he was writing in his journal. After a brief exchange of greetings, Ernie let him know that the Queen was waiting for him in the throne room. She'd like a word before Court opened for the evening.
Hiccup had no better plans for the evening, and a talk with the Queen was long overdue. Toothless was napping on the open balcony, so he left the dragon in peace.
"How do I look?" He asked Ernie once he was ready, wearing a light green tunic and after a shave.
"Positively dashing," the young servant replied, not with a little bit of sarcasm. "Now can we go? The Queen is waiting."
Hiccup snorted as they made their way outside and down the hall. "Ah, but Ernie, being fashionably late is half the charm."
"Not sure how well that applies when meeting sovereigns."
"It's especially true when meeting leaders, Ernie. Appearances are everything. If you can establish the mood you want before the talking even begins, you've half won already."
"And yet we're going to be on time."
"Mhm," Hiccup said as they approached the - heavily guarded - throne room. "As I said, appearances are everything, and the timing depends on what impression you want to leave."
"I'm sure I'll keep that in mind when it's my time to ascend to the throne."
"You're dismissive now, but when you want to court a nice girl you'll realize the truth of what I'm saying, but I'll be gone by then, so you'll be on your own."
"I somehow think I'll manage. Now, I'll announce you, wait here."
"Cheeky brat."
Hiccup waited while Ernie was first allowed in, the doors closed after him, then a few seconds later he came back out and beckoned him inside. Such a wasteful custom… no matter.
He walked in, taking stock of the wide room around him. The throne room was empty as of yet. The only people present were on the other side of the chamber, in front of the regal throne. The Queen was there, clad in an exquisite deep purple dress, crown firmly in place and hair perfectly braided. No doubt she wanted to make a statement tonight, and not just with words.
Next to her was none other than the Commander General. Hiccup narrowed his eyes when he saw the older man. General Mertok, for his part, ended whatever discussion he was having with the Queen as Hiccup approached, gave her a deep bow, and exited the chamber through a smaller door on the other corner.
By the time Hiccup reached her, they were alone.
Hiccup was unsure what to say, or even how to address her. The situation between them being what it was, and with recent events added on top of that, he wasn't sure what tone he should go with.
Apparently, neither was she, judging by the silence and the hesitation in her posture. Hiccup decided to save both of them some awkwardness by breaking the proverbial ice.
"Spending days in a blizzard agrees with you," he said after giving her an exaggerated once-over. "You should definitely do it more often."
Her lips quivered in a smile. "I'll keep that in mind. You'd be surprised what hail does for the skin."
"I'm sure you've heard this a lot today, but I just can't contain myself… what were you doing out there?"
She brought up a gloved hand, looking at the inside of her palm in contemplation.
"What, indeed?" she mused. Frost slowly, almost lazily, danced around her hand. "What was it you called it?" A pause. "Ah, yes. I believe I was... testing my limits. Expanding on them. Seeing how much I can do."
"I do recall saying something to that effect," Hiccup said with a smile. It was a good enough answer to satisfy his curiosity, and it seemed to serve well enough in orienting the Queen on what she wanted to discuss.
"I know everything that happened on your mission," she said, expression turning grave. "However, I feel I should ask you, was anything left out? Is there something else that I need to know?"
Hiccup considered, but in the end shook his head. "No, I don't think so." They'd never really been alone during the mission, and she should've gotten a pretty accurate account by her men by now.
"There is that, at least," she allowed with a tired exhale. "The whole operation turned into such a disaster."
Hiccup pursed his lips, repressing a scathing retort. Yes, it had turned into a colossal fuckup. The Queen's intelligence gathering organization - or what passed for one - had done such a horrendously bad job that they managed to turn an ambush they created into an ambush for them.
Normally Hiccup would have no qualms about giving Elsa a piece of his mind for the incompetence of her administration. However… looking at her now, at the strained look in her eyes, he felt no need to add to her burden. No doubt, she was feeling the weight of her failure and the loss of life acutely.
Swallowing his pride and anger in that instant was almost a physical thing for Hiccup. Unable to express those, he turned to the only other feeling he had about the whole situation. Guilt. "I'm really sorry about what happened. If I had known they were onto us, I would never have switched places. I'm sorry about your men."
Queen Elsa drew in a heavy breath. "I really want to be mad at you, you know?" she said. "You agreed before you left here, you explicitly agreed to go along with our plan. Instead, you did what?"
"I'm sorry-"
"You lied to me once again. It's very tempting to be angry with you. Considering the circumstances, however, I don't think I can."
Hiccup frowned. "You're not mad at me for getting your people killed?"
She shook her head. "You didn't get anyone killed."
"If I hadn't switched at the last second-"
"You'd be the one dead right now, is that what you mean?" Hiccup gave a tentative nod. Elsa let out a sigh. "It's not a choice between you, Hiccup. My people were there to protect you, even at the cost of their lives. It is fortunate that you switched when you did. We had promised you safety when you agreed to this, and we failed in almost every possible way. If anyone is to blame for these losses, it's me. I am responsible for letting this mission occur, and for getting duped so thoroughly."
Damn her for making him feel bad for wanting to blame her. Gods dammit, but it was her fault, as well as his. Maybe not hers personally, but she was the queen, and directly responsible for the competence of her subjects and the missions she authorized. Regardless of all this, what came out of his mouth was: "You couldn't have known this would happen, Elsa."
"Nor could you, so stop considering yourself responsible."
"I guess the blame game has no winners."
"I'm sorry, Hiccup, for everything."
He shook his head, rubbing his at his eyes. This was so frustrating. "Rather than that, what are you doing to figure out what caused this?"
She frowned. "Internal investigations are underway as we speak. I can't speak about it, but rest assured."
"Yeah, not quite assured yet. Did you look up on the boat?"
She nodded. "It was logged as a merchant vessel from Megara, and yet it left a day after you asked me about it. No transactions were made with its crew, either, from what I gathered. It was quite strange, but the ship was gone before we had a chance to question the crew."
"As I feared," Hiccup said.
"What do you know of it, Hiccup?"
"I'm pretty sure the crew were Grandlandians."
She raised a perfect eyebrow. "How sure?"
"They were definitely not from Megara, at least." Megarii had very light complexions, in direct contrast to the darker skin tones of the Grandlandians.
"Anything else?"
He nodded. "Yes, but you won't like it."
"Try me."
He shook his head once. "Promise me you won't dismiss it out of hand."
"What's this about, Hiccup?"
"Promise me."
She let out a sigh and made a habitual move of tucking a strand behind her ear. "Fine, I promise to give it due consideration."
"I followed someone out of the castle. I made sure he didn't see me. He met up with the Protector Divisive, and together they had a pretty long talk with the crew of that ship."
She frowned. "The Protector Divisive? That's pretty worrying. Who else? Who did you follow?"
"The Commander General himself."
Her eyes widened impressively, her mouth opening and closing once, but no sound came out. She brought a hand to rub at her eyes, regaining her composure.
"Are you sure-"
"Yes, I'm sure it was him."
"There must be a good explanation for this."
He glared at her. "Elsa…"
"Are you suggesting the Commander general of my armed forces, inner council member, peer of my father, is a traitor?" Her tone was calm, but dangerous. Hiccup considered his next words carefully.
"I'm not suggesting anything," Hiccup argued. "I'm only asking you to look at the facts. If he were involved, he would have known everything needed to organize the attack on you. He had everything he needed to know to foil this mission, which almost went perfectly for the enemy. He talked to the Grandlandians behind your back. He seemed pretty close with their Ambassador when he was here, the guards of whom attacked me just outside the castle."
Hiccup stopped for breath.
"This is ridiculous, Hiccup. Shad has been-"
"And let's not forget," Hiccup cut her off. "That he has the most to gain by your removal."
She shook her head. "No, Hiccup. Shad has been one of my staunchest supporters. He's been supporting my family since my father's reign."
"Is it impossible that he has grown weary of your rule?"
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"I've read the logs. They're public access, even if there aren't any details. Most of the General's propositions got shot down by your father. Later, from you as well. This recent commotion has seen more and more of his ideas implemented, has it not?"
Elsa was looking at him with a set jaw and narrowed eyes. "That is technically true."
"Is it that unthinkable that this is some sort of plan? To cut out the middleman and set the stage, as they say?"
"If I'm gone, my sister-"
"If you're killed, suspicion will immediately fall to Grandland. A war will probably break out. The laws are written such that the General could usurp executive control from Anna for its duration. And from there... anything can happen to consolidate his rule."
Elsa hitched a breath. She looked paler than ever.
She shook her head again, perhaps to clear it, perhaps in denial. When she spoke, her voice was low, tired. "You don't know what you're asking of me, Hiccup."
When she looked up at him, her eyes were almost pleading. "Shad has been there all my life. He and Gertrude were the closest thing to parental figures I've had after my parents' deaths. He's always been supporting. Now you're telling me that he's a traitor? No," she said, with a shake of her head. "I can't believe that. I refuse to."
Hiccup bit his lip. This was delicate. A wrong push, and he wouldn't achieve anything here.
"I'm not telling you to march up and arrest him for treason," he argued. "But the fact remains, a lot of things don't add up. You've been attacked inside your home, I've been attacked twice since I got here, and I've no doubt that when I'm gone the target will once again be you. Don't interrupt, please," he said with a raised hand when Elsa made to cut him off. "The fact is, you have a traitor in your midst. High-up, too. A lot of things don't add up with the General, and he stands to gain the most. Can you really afford to dismiss this, with the fate of both our lives, your sister's, and your kingdom itself at stake?"
Elsa was angry, he could tell. Her eyes were narrowed, her breath was coming out faster than usual, and her lips were a thin, angry line. Nevertheless, she took in his words in silence, taking a deep, calming breath.
"I still don't believe you," she said after a minute of contemplation. "But you're right, I can't afford to dismiss this. Even if there's the slightest chance, the slightest doubt, I want it dispelled. I can't have suspicions cast on those closest to me." She tilted her head to the side, looking at him. "What would you have me do, then?"
Hiccup's mind whirled. Surely she wasn't leaving such an important decision up to him. He was a foreigner, a guest. Entangled as they may be personally, he had no pull when it came to executive decisions. She may trust his judgement, but after naming one of the people closest to her traitor, he rather doubted she was legitimately asking him for advice. This was a test of some kind.
"It's not my place to tell you what to do," he said with a shrug. "But at the very least, keep a close eye on him. Look into what I told you, make your own conclusions. There is too much at stake here. The next time you plan something, keep in mind the very real possibility that it will be leaked."
She nodded along with his words, mollified at least to a certain degree.
"What will you do?" she asked him.
"I'll attend Court. After that, I was thinking of getting a snack."
She seemed confused. "You're not planning to leave?"
Ah, now he understood. "No, not just yet. Ruff will be leaving the day after tomorrow though, her injuries are quite extensive."
The Queen flinched. Barely, but Hiccup caught it. "Once again, I'm sorry about what happened. You put a lot of trust in us, and a lot of things on the line."
"No need for plural, Elsa," he said, pointing a finger at her. "I trust you, personally. Certainly not the rest of your administration. And please stop apologising when you're grieving for your men. It makes me feel petty."
She nodded. A touch of hesitation.
Whatever she was about to say Hiccup would never know, because at that time the doors opened and a servant came in. After bowing, he informed Elsa that it was time for the courtiers to trickle in the room.
She nodded curtly to the servant, before turning back to Hiccup. For his part, he understood that a lot was left unsaid between them. Now was just not the right time.
"We'll talk soon?" he asked, receiving a nod in reply. Hiccup inclined his head and turned, heading towards his usual spot in the throne room as the rest of courtiers filled the chamber, throwing him and the Queen curious looks.
Elsa quickly assumed her position and Court was called into session. Elsa rather firmly discouraged everyone from asking why the absence of days was necessary, asking for their trust in her judgement. Most of the evening's discussion was about stabilising trade after the port's emergency closing, along with catching up with foreign officials and important internal matters.
Hiccup paid attention, of course, but only partly. His mind was elsewhere. In many different places, actually.
After Court, he found Toothless, and together they joined Ruff and Barf for dinner. Ruff noticed his pensive mood and left him to it, for which he was thankful.
That night in his room, he sat on his desk, enjoying the breeze coming in from the broken balcony door while Toothless snoozed outside. His journal was open, and he would write a little every once in a while, or just peruse previous pages. Images and descriptions of places, machinery, objects, people.
He lingered on the drawings of his friends, Ruff's words echoing in his mind. Now, in the silence of his own thoughts, and acutely aware of the immediate danger to him and his own, he found it harder and harder to deny that the only reason he was still here was Elsa.
The noose was closing around her neck, no doubt. The attempts so far had been foiled, but the enemy grew bolder and bolder. Things would come to a head, and soon. It didn't help that Elsa's faction seemed to be compromised quite deeply. Perhaps with his help, she would make it out of this ordeal alive. Be that by drawing out her enemies by being a target himself, or by giving her advice, he couldn't in good conscience abandon her now when her life was on the line. Not just hers, but likely Anna's, too.
No, he couldn't in good conscience abandon them. But he had a responsibility. He was Chief of Berk. He'd already been gone for long, he had to return soon. he should never have stayed this long in the first place. But every time he tried to convince himself that he had to leave, Elsa's face popped into his mind. Laughing, blushing, angry, confused. And finally, pale, unmoving, dead.
And he couldn't quite convince himself to pack up and go.
He could allow himself a few more days. Hopefully he would see things through. If the situation on Berk was okay, even in his absence, perhaps he wouldn't have to depart immediately. But there was no telling if his absence had been taken advantage of. This was risky… very risky.
Hiccup couldn't resist the groan that escaped him. Ruffnut, gods damn her, was right. He was being stupid. He should have returned to Berk long ago. He was putting everything on the line for what could well be a passing-
His gaze lingered on an older sketch, one of Astrid swinging her axe with savage glee.
Sleep did not come easily to Hiccup that night.
~H~
He spent breakfast of the next day watching the Queen and her sister, not really participating in the conversation, himself. He must not have been controlling his expression quite as well as he thought, because the Queen gave him a few strange looks, but didn't press him on it.
The rest of the day was spent with Toothless, Ruff and Barf. She couldn't ride just yet, but the four of them still found plenty to do. Ernie also joined them, sometime after lunch. The blonde viking had apparently exhausted her supply of advice or threats for Hiccup, because she made no mention of anything serious. She respected his mood and didn't become too much of a nuisance, instead choosing to take her aggression out on Ernie by giving him his last sword instructions.
Of course, her idea of a lesson in which she couldn't participate was to invite Gregor to cordially beat Ernie senseless under the guise of education, but as it was all in the name of learning, Hiccup let it happen.
He spent the day lost in his thoughts. Grandpabbie's words, Ruffnut's words, even Elsa's, swirling in his mind, confusing him further. The Queen herself was rather busy that day, apparently, as was most of the castle's inhabitants. There was a lot going on behind the scenes. Stuff that Hiccup, as a guest, wasn't privy to. The mobilization was evident to anyone with eyes, however. Soldiers came and left with new orders every hour or so, and the only sight he caught of Elsa was during breakfast and, later, at Court.
He sometimes wished that his best friend wasn't a dragon. As much as he loved Toothless - and he did, more than he could describe - his draconid friend could do nothing to help him with matters of the human heart. Toothless, of course, had sensed his unease, and the best solution the Night Fury had come up with was to pester Hiccup to go flying. Not a plan he was opposed to, quite the contrary. The adrenaline of their usual stunts allowed him to empty his mind for a bit and just enjoy the rush.
Later, when peacefully gliding above the clouds, the vastness and majesty of the sky gave him the perspective he needed to think. Human or not, Toothless always knew what he needed. More so than most humans, at any rate. The flight helped relax him and stem the rising panic.
He spent the evening writing in his journal, relaxing his aching left hand and putting his thoughts down on paper. It always helped put things in perspective for him, even if often put him in trouble when Astrid would inevitably stumble on them.
He paused in his writing. It all came back to Astrid, did it not? It had always been about her, in some way or another.
He did not remember his dreams the next morning, but perhaps that was for the best, considering he woke up feeling rather dejected.
On the morning of her departure, Ruffnut was rather irritable. Her injuries had stabilised to the point where casual flight wouldn't open them again, but she made no effort to hide her disagreement with his decisions.
The Queen had taken the time see her off, as was proper, though only a cordial farewell was exchanged before she joined her sister at the sides of the Courtyard. Besides them, their dragons, the Queen and her entourage, some people Ruff had met were also here to see her off, most of them soldiers who'd sparred with her. Hiccup saw her exchange a promise of visit with Gregor, and smiled.
The smile was lost when she turned her gaze to him and instantly scowled.
"Come back alive," she told him as she climbed on Barf's saddle and the Zippleback spread his wings, Frot flying around him like an excited mosquito. "Or I will fucking kill you. And you," she directed her gaze to Toothless, who perked up. "You'd better bring him back, you hear?"
Hiccup smiled as Toothless warbled something in affront. "Safe travels, Ruff."
Barf began ascending with powerful beats of his wings. Toothless rose to his back feet and let out a loud cry in goodbye, one echoed by the rapidly vanishing Zippelback.
Hiccup watched them go, a myriad of emotions going through his mind. He was shaken from his thoughts by a gentle tug on his hands. He looked down, and saw his palm among the Queen's two hands, a small smile on her face.
"She'll be fine."
Hiccup echoed her own smile. "Yeah."
"I'm glad you stayed."
Hiccup looked at her again, seeing the earnestness in her expression. Hesitation, fear, hope, all were evident.
He nodded at her. "I'm staying to help you," he said. Hiccup saw no point in hiding that fact. "If there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to ask me."
Was that disappointment on her face?
"You've done more than-"
"Just," he cut her off. "Keep that in mind, yeah? I'm trying to keep you alive."
That seemed to sober her up, enough to give him a solemn nod. "I will keep your words in mind."
He nodded, too, before turning to Toothless. The Night Fury was looking in the distance where Barf had vanished, sad little croons emanating from low in his throat. Hiccup put a hand on his friend's neck and rubbed him gently.
"There there, Toothless. We'll see them, soon."
They headed inside, and Hiccup spent most of the day trying to cheer Toothless up with Ernie's help. They spent some time in the gardens, took a brief flight around the fjord, then watched in amusement as Ernie tried to clean the Night Fury with the same determination as the castle's silverware.
Seeing the two of them made Hiccup smile. Despite Toothless' grumbles or Ernie's chagrin, they'd very clearly accepted and even liked each other. After such a short period of time, Ernie found it natural to take a mop and clean Toothless' scales with absolutely no fear. It was inspiring, in a way. A perfect example of Hiccup's vision. In an ideal world, this would be how everyone treated dragons.
Of course, the world was far from ideal. Hiccup knew that very well. Perhaps his campaign to achieve that world was doomed from its conception. But by the gods, he would try. He would not abandon the seemingly impossible effort like some, nor attempt to circumvent the problem entirely by enslaving the dragons like others. That was what he was trying to accomplish, back in the archipelago.
But instead he was here, in the perhaps unrealistic hope that he'd be able to save one woman from the conspiracy closing in around her.
Perhaps he was dwelling too much on it. Or perhaps not enough.
He attended Court. Though he would not admit it under threat of torture, he didn't pay attention to what was going on. His sole focus rested on Elsa. She was wearing a soft blue dress this time, her braid styled slightly differently. She appeared to be wearing just enough makeup to cover her tiredness, the signs of which he saw at breakfast and later, at the Courtyard.
He watched her talk to her Courtiers from her throne. Noted the elegant way she sat, the level but firm tone of voice she used when making her assertions. While he did, their experiences together were mixed with those observations. Their ill-fated fight at the mountain pass, the tense journey to the capital, the days of mistrust and deceit. The revelation of their feelings, leading to the current situation.
He couldn't leave the Throne Room fast enough after Court was dismissed.
Toothless once again wanted to go flying, but Hiccup didn't really feel like it at this time. What he needed was some peace and quiet to deal with his thoughts. To that end, he assembled the black tailfin and outfitted Toothless with it.
"I know you're bored and worried, bud," he told Toothless, scratching behind one of his ear flaps. "I know I've been out there lately. I'm sorry for ignoring you."
The Night Fury crooned and lightly poked his snout on Hiccup's chest, making his lips quirk up in a small smile.
"Thanks, bud. This will be over soon. Just wait. We need to help her though. Will you help me do that?"
Toothless' tongue filled the right side of his face with slobber in reply. Hiccup chuckled, even as he pried the draconid saliva off his face.
"Thanks, Toothless. I just need some time to think. I've put it off for long enough."
Toothless crooned sadly again, but after nudging him one more time, he pulled back. With one last worried look, Toothless walked to the balcony and shot up, flying off into the night sky.
Hiccup followed him outside through the broken door, his eyes losing him in all of three seconds. It was impossible to see Toothless in the night sky, he knew this well.
Now alone, Hiccup took a look around. The balcony floor had been scratched up, unavoidable after weeks of being used as a dragon's nest. The balcony door he had yet to fix. It still leaned by the left wall.
Hiccup let out a sigh. He'd always been a problem solver. He worked best under pressure. Well, he had a problem, and he felt under quite a bit of pressure. He'd let that problem stew for a good while - ignored it, even - but he couldn't afford to do that anymore.
He went over to the edge of the balcony, leaning against the marble railing. It really was scenic. The sun had long since set, and the half-moon's light was not enough to hide the stars on such a clear night. The fjord was silent, a single merchant ship slowly pulling away towards open water. The forest in the distance was lightly swinging to the wind.
The soft breeze was pulling at his tunic and tugging at his hair. It'd gotten long again.
Hiccup run a hand through his hair. Funny. He'd never particularly cared about his hairstyle. The only reason he'd ever paid any attention to it was because of Astrid doing the same.
Most of his life had been about Astrid in one way or another. When he was very little, she was his friend. Later, she was everything he wanted to be. That feeling grew into a crush so massive it stayed in his mind for most of the day, every day, and got worse every time he saw her.
Then, of course, they got together, and his dependence on her only grew. He counted on her having his back, on stopping his madder plans or stupider ideas, making his hazy vision possible, on being there for him when he needed her. She had been the key to his happiness and the catalyst of his success. Their paths had been parallel - joined - for so long that when the gods decide to separate them, he was lost.
Even in death, Astrid had been the center of his world. He'd withdrawn into himself because of his guilt over her loss, but he'd continued to try his best for Berk. To his immense shame, the reason he had become Chief and given it his all so soon after her death instead of just collapsing or taking his own life wasn't because of some sense of duty to his homeland or his people. Not even because of his father's memory. He'd done it because he needed Berk to avenge her death. And he had done so. he had strengthened his tribe until they crushed all those responsible for her demise, that of his father and so many others, under their dragons' talons. After that, he continued being Chief because that was what Astrid would have wanted of him, what she had wanted of him when she was alive.
Even after years had passed and he'd come back to his senses with the help of his friends, Astrid was always on the back of his mind, driving him or plunging him in guilt and sorrow. He needed to lock away her memory if he wanted to function properly, and only open the lid when he was alone and had time to spare, because it always broke him, if only a little.
Tonight, memories of Astrid flowed freely and peacefully. Hiccup could remember everything clearly. Every expression, every needlessly complicated fighting move that still ended up working because she was Astrid, every moment they spent together.
Coming to Arendelle had changed him. Astrid's memory was no longer something that broke him. Hadn't been for some time now. Elsa had changed that.
Hiccup had no idea what to do with himself without Astrid. She'd always been a part of his life one way or another, walking next to him and helping him along on his path for so long, that when she took a different turn he was left there, stranded and confused, unable to take another step and unable to follow after her. Waiting for something that wouldn't happen.
Until he was attacked by an ice sorceress and her soldiers, and he was once again courting death by challenging something way out of his league. Elsa Ellesmyre had given him a nudge, had given him the push he needed to take another, tentative step forward on the path. Either gently by hand or kicking and screaming, she'd forced him to stumble forward, for the first time in years moving from his frozen position.
The irony was not lost on him.
Out here on the balcony like this, looking over the peaceful fjord and for the first time in a while thinking clearly, the fact that he loved her was not lost on him, either.
Perhaps it wasn't to the degree Ruff had insinuated, or perhaps it was and he was still mistaken, but the truth was that he was in love with her. He didn't just like her, or feel simple attraction. He was drawn to her in a primal way, a feeling he'd felt only once before.
He loved Elsa. He was surprisingly okay with this realization. He'd known for a while, several days, probably. Lying to himself was something he'd become proficient at years ago, and partial lies were some of the best ways to do that. Making himself believe his attraction was something explainable, manageable and unimportant had been easy.
That didn't make his current predicament that much better, however. What should he do? Could he do anything? Astrid's memory still weighed heavily on his mind. It was all he'd ever known. What was he supposed to do?
Hiccup directed his gaze up, at the moon and the sparkling stars.
What would Astrid say? She'd have a few choice words with him, he was certain. If he ever made it to Valhalla he was in for quite the beating. No doubt, seeing him waste his life away in the name of her memory wasn't something she would condone. And yet, that's what he'd been doing for the last several years, and battled with even now.
Letting people, especially Astrid, down was something he had vast experience with. He needed her. Had needed her. It was Astrid that had allowed him, one way or another, to walk his path this far.
He couldn't transfer that duty over to Elsa. He couldn't, in good conscience, ask her to fill the same role Astrid had. That would only be confirming her accusations that he saw her as nothing but a substitute. No, Astrid's role in his life had been unique. If ever he wanted to move forward from now on, he'd have to do so under his own power. Elsa had helped him along, and could do so again, but he couldn't rely on other people anymore.
He'd known Astrid as far back as he could remember himself. She'd been his significant other for a year before they were married. She'd been his wife for all of another before her untimely demise.
Would Astrid forgive him if he moved on without her? Would she forgive him for leaving her behind?
The night breeze picked up and Hiccup closed his eyes, feeling it caress his face and tousle his hair. He let out a sigh.
No doubt, she would. Gods, she'd probably punch him for even thinking that she would not.
The problem was that he'd stayed in that spot, the one he last saw Astrid in, for a long time. Could he really abandon that, and move on? Was it really that simple? Could he just… move on, and keep walking his own path, separate from hers?
Hiccup blinked, once, twice, in surprise. The moon stared back at him, silent but comforting. He'd asked himself that question plenty of times lately, but never been able to answer it. But now… now was different.
Yes it was, and yes he could. He didn't know what he would do with Elsa - he didn't know if there was anything he could do, with their positions - but she had helped him realize this. He could walk his own path. It was time to let Astrid go. Time to let her stop worrying about him and rest. And when it was his time, if he was judged worthy to join her in the halls of their ancestors, she would smile at him, punch him in the shoulder like she always did, and tell him she was proud. He could picture it already.
Hiccup looked up at the sky again, a soft groan slipping past his lips. Was she watching him, from above? Could she listen to his thoughts? He could really use a little help right about now. If he could only… speak to her, or see her, one last time, perhaps this would be a bit more clear.
He sighed again, letting his head drop. Wishing like this was useless, he knew,, yet still couldn't help but indulge.
He pushed off the railing. It was time to go inside and prepare for sleep. If he managed to sleep, in any case. And yet, he could not take his eyes off the peaceful view in front of him.
He should have known that backtracking without watching where he was stepping would backfire. His prosthetic caught against an incision on the floor, probably created by Toothless' tender mercies, and he lost his balance, falling backward. He collided solidly with the broken door that had been left to stand against the wall, his shoulder bearing the brunt of the force by hitting the doorknob but -thank the gods- missing his still tender injury.
He dropped, gasping in pain and rubbing the sore spot with his right hand. When he got back on his feet, he rubbed his sore shoulder and glared at the door, an angry remark on the edge of his tongue before he froze.
Perhaps he was mad. Perhaps he really had taken leave of his senses; perhaps the gods were playing a trick on him, or maybe he was tricking himself into believing what he wanted to believe, but that pain on that spot was familiar.
He turned his gaze to the starry sky, lips quivering. He felt the soft breeze on his face again.
"I love you, Astrid," he said clearly, into the night.
He walked carefully, avoiding further accidents, until he had passed the hinges that marked the end of the balcony and the beginning of the room.
He looked over his shoulder at the view outside, one last time.
"Goodbye."
He would fix the broken door tomorrow.
~H~