I do not own FSOG.

CPOV:

My eyes shoot open and try desperately to place what just woke me up. I blink my eyes several times and will the sleepy haze to leave my vision. I squeeze them shut tightly once more then open them up and take in my surroundings. A mass of chocolate brown hair is the first thing I focus in on. A smile graces my lips, like it usually does when Ana is involved. I lie quietly next to my sleeping beauty and listen to her even breathing. The sun is beaming through the glass wall behind me and it causes her skin to glow in front of me. My body is wrapped around her small frame like a vine, as usual. I want so badly to wake her up and make love to her in this beautiful morning glow that is surrounding us, but I refrain in order to let her sleep in. This trip was for her as a stress free weekend where all she had to do was enjoy herself. I have no doubt that Ana has always taken care of everyone and taken the back seat to everyone else. Well, not anymore if I can help it. I'm instantly reminded of her asking me to promise to not be upset if she truly could not commit to anymore more than our current relationship. I honestly have no doubt that she will come around sooner than later, but it was the look in her eyes that causes a small bit of dread to fill my stomach.

She's hiding something, that much is obvious, but what is she keeping a secret? I know it has nothing to do with marriage. She's pretty upfront about not having a repeat of her first marriage. I fucking hate Ethan Kavanagh. I want to punch his face in then make his life a living hell for putting her through that. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful that he cheated because it sent her directly to me. But he scared her from ever thinking of marriage again. Get back on topic, Grey. Right, back to the children issue. Something happened that has also petrified her from the thought of more children. Ana is a fantastic mother to Will, so it's not doubt in herself. Maybe she can't have children anymore and she is scared to tell me...no, that's not it. She would have come straight out and said that. What could have happened to her that scares her about future children? This also uncovers something else about my baby. Her secrets are deep and it makes me wonder who actually knows them. Didn't she have anyone she talks to about this stuff before I came into her life?

"You are thinking way too loud." A sleepy voice breaks through the silence in the room. How did she even know I was awake and thinking about things? She wiggles in my arms and turns around to face me. I pull her close to me so we are nose to nose. God she is so damn beautiful in the morning time. No, correct that. She is beautiful always. I smile at my sleepy girl who is having a hard time keeping her eyes open still.

"Morning baby." I whisper as I kiss her nose then her lips. She hums in appreciation of my lips on hers. I smile against her lips and feel hers twitch into a smile as well.

"Want to tell me what had you all worked up a moment ago?" How does she know I was worked up? I look at her questioningly and try to play off her question. "I could feel your body tensing and your breathing slow down then speed up. Something had you feeling upset. I know you, love." I close my eyes at her moniker for me. Love. It does things to my body that I never knew were possible from someone calling you a nickname. I wonder if I could convince her to call me baby… I open my eyes back up and she is staring at my intensely. She raises her eyebrows and I know I have been quiet for way too long.

"No, I don't." I say quickly and lean in for a kiss. As soon as my lips find hers, she pulls away just as fast. Damn, my sexpertise won't distract her at this moment.

"You don't?" she asks. Think Grey, think. You promised a stress free weekend, so keep it that way.

"No, I would rather make love to you right now." I counter, hoping to play on some level of her need for me. I feel chill bumps rise on her skin and I know I may have succeeded.

"Hmmm, I'd like that too." She whispers against my lips as she leans in for a kiss. "Unfortunately, you have something on your mind. Tell me." She says after pulling away from me so she can look in my eyes. She looks so sweet and stress free in this moment. Also, I think she can see through me anyways. I feel vulnerable and my throat tightens up.

"I promised a stress free weekend." I say honestly while pleading with my eyes for her to not to be upset with me. She snuggles into the crook of my neck. I can feel her warm breath on my neck and it sends a shiver down my spine.

"Ask me." She says in a quiet voice against my neck and I momentarily stop breathing. She can see through me and she knows me just as well as I know her. We stay quiet for a while, my arms wrapped tightly around her while she is molded into me. I finally will myself to ask her what I want to know. What's the worse that can happen? She could say not right now or she might respond with a little details. Do it, Grey.

"Why don't you want anymore children?" I ask the question that has plagued me since last night. I think she slightly tenses in my arms, but it is gone before I am able to recognize it fully. It is only a few more moments of silence before she speaks.

"I had a miscarriage." She says it so plainly as if we are talking about her favorite animal at the zoo. It takes me a second for her words to sink into my brain. Miscarriage. She had a miscarriage. I cannot comprehend it. The questions that have filled my brain in response to her confession start to fall out like rapid fire.

"When?" I say quickly shooting it out at her, desperate for every single detail. I start to slide up into a sitting position. I need to be upright in order to digest this and I need to see her face as she says all of this. I pull her into my lap, just like every other time we have approached a serious discussion. Without fail, her legs wrap around me and I grab her small hands to hold in my big ones.

"I'm not sure when it actually took place. I had my…period the week before Ethan cheated. I also had small spotting the morning after his confession. I chalked it up to the stress my body felt by his words. One of those two moments is the moment I had a miscarriage." She says quietly while looking at our conjoined hands. My baby had a miscarriage. A miscarriage…I stare at her with glossy eyes. I will my tears to dry up quickly before I become a blubbering mess in front of her.

"Baby…" My voice is thick with emotion and I don't trust myself for a second. I clear my throat and continue on with my questions that just do not seem that important at the moment. "How did you find out if you thought it was just a period or stress?"

"Well, I had a prescheduled appointment to my…lady doctor. After Ethan's news, I planned on cancelling it all together, but another thing was eating at me so I decided to go." I search her face for any clues as to what it might have been but I come up with none. I let the quiet stretch hoping for her to continue on. She answers my unasked questions in a voice that is barely a whisper. "I wanted to get tested. Ethan said it was only once, but he's lied before. So, I took myself to get tested." She finishes with a nonchalant shrug. My blood starts to boil when I think of that fucker doing this to her. Next time I get my hands on him, I'm going to beat him to a pulp. Then something clicks inside my head and all I can see is red. Pure red.

"Did he cause you to miscarry?" Her face snaps up to mine. Rage filled gray eyes meet her scared blue ones. I'll kill Ethan with my bare hands. I won't feel bad about it and I sure as hell will not lose any sleep.

"No, Christian, stop." Her voice cuts through my rage filled haze. My jaw ticks from how tense I am and I force myself to calm down for Ana's benefit. "My doctor said it could have been a number of things that caused me to miscarry around that time. From my sickness or the stress, to the medicine I was on at the time, any number of things could have caused it." She pleads with me to understand that it wasn't him, but I can feel it inside me. He caused her this pain.

"She said I would have miscarried no matter what. There was something wrong from the beginning and that the pregnancy was not meant to be." I take several deep breaths and let her words sink in once more. That pregnancy was never going to result in a second child for… them. Oh, how that pregnancy could have changed the rest of our lives. Would she still be with him? Would we have met? I wouldn't know Ana or Will probably. I would still be the cold hearted bastard I've always been. I'm surprised he hasn't brought it up every time we have a pissing contest. Actually, I'm surprised he hasn't used it against Ana or her kind heart to take him back. I chuckle darkly at that thought. He is sick enough to do that too.

"What are you laughing at?" Her eyes shine confused back into mine.

"The fact your bastard of an ex-husband hasn't held this over your head or mine." I answer with another sadistic chuckle at the end. Ana quickly shifts her gaze to the glass wall and I get a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. Avoidance. Something I am all too familiar with.

"Ana…" I tilt my head to the side as I take her in. Her eyes remain fixed on the view of the water and her body is stiff. "Why hasn't Kavanagh brought this up by now? He loves to rub your past relationship in my face." She doesn't respond, so I decide to at least make her look at me. I grab her chin between my fingers and turn her head towards me. Vulnerability and frightened are the emotions that sit in her eyes. I plead with my eyes for her to please tell me whatever she thinks will upset me and leave her wide open.

"He hasn't brought it up because…" she hesitates and leaves the sentence hanging in the air. She nods her head once and spills her words out just like myself earlier. "He doesn't know." She says it sadly.

"What do you mean he doesn't know?" I ask stupidly already knowing she didn't tell him, but I need her explain this to me. I have a feeling I have just figured this issue out, leaving us another step closer to children. Well, several steps, but one closer.

"I never told him." She answers back quickly. I smirk at her and tilt my head. She raises her eyebrows in response. She has such a smart mouth…what I would love to do to that smart mouth right now.

"Why?" I ask needing the details in order to help her work through this. Look, I don't feel anything towards the guy. Not sadness, not sympathy, and sure as hell not grief. He doesn't deserve anything from her, but should he know about this? It was his child…

"Because…" She takes a deep breath. "Ethan would have taken all the blame no matter what." I release a scoff at her explanation. He deserves to take all the blame because it was his fault. He caused this therefore he is to blame.

"Baby, he should take-" I start to say but she cuts me off without quickly.

"No, he is not to blame. That pregnancy was going to miscarry no matter what. Even without stress or a sickness, I was going to, at some point before 20 weeks, miscarry." I scoff at her response again. Why the ever loving fuck is she sticking up for that sorry excuse of a man? My face is scrunched up at her answer. I feel soft hands rub down between my eyebrows and I make eye contact with her. When did I look away?

"You are going to create worry lines if you keep making that face." She says sweetly while looking at me with her usual loving eyes. Always taking care of everyone else... I smile, for the first time since we started this conversation. This beautiful woman loves me…get back on topic Grey and stop growing stiff underneath her.

"I still don't fully understand why you didn't tell him." I say before my mind tells me not to.

"Ethan… he was dealing with a lot at the moment I found out I miscarried. He was realizing he ruined our family, his parents didn't hide their disappointment in him, I wouldn't let him see me, and he was just feeling like he was lower than scum on the bottom of my shoe. I… Ethan would have most likely self harmed himself if he ever thought he would caused me to miscarry on top of all of that. I couldn't risk that. Not for Will." Self harmed? Has Ethan tried to kill himself before? Fuck…this is deeper than I ever imagined. If she didn't tell Ethan, who helped her through this? Mother said it took her months to stop crying after her first miscarriage and she still wasn't over the first by the time she found out she was pregnant with the second child that resulted in miscarriage. Grace doesn't talk about her miscarriages at all because it is still too hard for her. That was the only sliver of words I have ever heard her speak on it.

"Okay, so who did you tell?" I ask wanting to know who helped her through that difficult time. Was it Kate? No, that is way too close to Ethan. Her dad? Doubtful…

"No one." Her confused response brings me out of my thoughts of who helped her. She just said no one… wait. What?

"No one." I repeat the words back to her and now my voice reflects confusion.

"I didn't tell anyone." She is the one who tilts her head to the side to take me in warily.

"No one knows you had a miscarriage?" I am stunned. How did she ever cope with the end of her marriage and the loss of a baby without talking to anyone?

"Well, you do now. Oh, and my doctor." She answers. I pull her into my body and crush her against me. This brave, brave woman of mine. She hasn't spoken of this tragic event to no one. She wanted to protect Ethan from harm at the time and that left her without her best friend to discuss the information with. Kate would have no doubt blurted that out at one point or another. Her head finds my neck once more and I feel tears return to my very own eyes. She buried her own feelings under the rug for everyone else until this very moment when she shared it with me.

"Why me?" I ask without letting her sit back up. I need to know why she is letting me in on everything inside her head.

"Because I trust you and feel completely safe with you." She responds without hesitation and my heart soars even more than I thought possible. "Also…" She starts but goes quiet. I give her the time to finish that sentence before I start my mantra of how much I love her and how much this means to me. Another deep breath from my girl and she lets her words out. "Also, I want to be with you the rest of my life. If that means sharing every single thing that I have never spoken about to anyone, then I can do that for you. For us." I bring her to me even closer than it is truly possible. Our bodies become one in this moment as out hearts beat simultaneously against one another. At this exact moment I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that we will end up married one day with children of our own.

A/N:

Readers, do not hate Ana. She has kept many secrets in order to put everyone else before herself. Give her time to realize it doesn't always have to be this way. Just as she is saving Christian, he is saving her in a different way. On to my little update:

Hello all of my sweet loves. I wish I would say I feel tens time better than the last chapter, but sadly that is not the case. I have continued to be sick and I am hoping this new round of medicines will get me back to normal really soon. I have had a positive day, so I will continue editing the next chapter as much as I can. Thank you for all of the kind wishes to get better. They mean the world to me. I hope all of your sweet faces stay healthy during this wicked weather year. Also, happy New Year loves.

xoEW