I do not own FSOG.
APOV:
I wake with a start and expect to find a little boy crawling in my bed when I open my eyes. However, I find no little boy in my room when I finally open my eyes. I glance at the clock and realize it is still early, even for Will. I try to remember what woke me, but nothing makes its presence known in my mind. My body is on fire and pressed flush against the man behind me. His arms are wrapped around me, his legs cocooning mine. A light snore escapes his mouth and I fight the urge to giggle. He always says he doesn't snore, but he does.
I roll over carefully, trying not to wake the beautiful man next to me. His mouth is slightly parted and his hair is in every direction. I stare at his beautiful chiseled features. He is such a handsome man and he doesn't even try. After our deep discussion last night then my parents showing up with unexpected news, he stayed and held me through the night. He was always a step ahead of me when it came to what I needed. Which is funny because I have no idea what I even need right now.
I slink out of bed in hopes of being the only one awake this early. I can possibly try to process the information my dad gave me last night. I quickly do my business in the bathroom then head to the kitchen for breakfast. I find the strawberries I sliced yesterday and decide this will hold me over until everyone else is awake. I pour myself a glass of juice and grab a bottle of water before heading out to the back porch. It's chilly this morning and looks as if it will rain any minute, so I head inside for a blanket and pillow. I crawl onto the oversized lounger and make myself apart of it. This used to be my favorite spot when I first bought this house. I would always come out here when I had free time or even when Will would nap. Sometimes, we would nap together right here.
I let my mind drift to everything my dad told me last night. I wish I could say I was upset, but I honestly just have no idea what to feel. Carla wasn't a mom. Of course she gave birth to me, but the last thing she ever wanted to be was a mom.
"How?" I ask my dad without taking my eyes off of him. No one has moved or said anything for about five minutes. It's eerily quiet in here, but it could be because of how late it is.
"She was a passenger in a car that crashed into a freightliner at 4 am this morning." He shares.
"Did Bob die too?" He looks at me for a second before dropping another new piece of information.
"She wasn't with Bob. Apparently, she divorced Bob earlier this year. He was the one that called me though." I process this information and find I am not surprised at all. Bob was too kind and sweet for the evil that is Carla. Then I get a weird sinking feeling in my stomach.
"Who was the driver?" I ask my dad already knowing what his answer will be. Who else would she be out with at 4am?
"Morton." A chill runs up my spine. That nasty piece of shit. I can't say I'm sad to see him go.
"Let me guess, were they high out of their minds?" Ray shakes his head slightly but not as an answer. I get a feeling it was his first thought too.
"Toxicology results won't be back on either of them for a few weeks, but Morton's blood alcohol content was three times the legal limit. So most likely." He confirms what I thought from the beginning. I wait to feel something, anything really, but nothing comes. Christian scoots closer and I try to absorb his warmth. I notice Mere for the first time and she looks more sad than I feel.
"Okay, what's next?" I ask placing my vision back on my dad.
"Well, Bob asked if we would meet with him in two days to plan a funeral for her. I told him I would be on a flight out tomorrow. Meredith said she would fly with me, but I think it would be good if you came along too. I won't make you and it's completely your choice." He tells me honestly. If Ray Steele says he thinks it would be 'good' if I did something, I know I better do it.
"Okay, Will and I can fly out with you." My stomach drops at the thought of Will. He will be so confused on what's going on. I can't necessarily leave him with Ethan since he's working and I honestly want him with me. I suck my bottom lip into my mouth and sink my teeth into it. Christian pulls me into him and wraps his arms around me.
"I'll arrange for us to go on my jet tomorrow. It will be more comfortable and easier for Will. Just let me know a time and I'll arrange it." I hear Christian tell my dad.
"Okay, we will head home." I pull away from Christian to look at my dad.
"No way, stay the night guys. Will would love to wake up and you both be here in the morning." I smile to them.
I haven't been able to process my feelings since then. I haven't spoken to Carla in years. She didn't make it to my wedding or to ever meet Will. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with me when dad divorced her. She blamed me for their marriage ending. Hell, she blamed me for everything.
The rain starts to trickle and the air turns colder. I watch as the slight blur of rain starts to fall. My brain feels like it is being powered by a hamster as it continues to run on a loop trying to process everything. Carla died and I don't feel anything. It's not a painful numb feeling like I felt when Ethan cheated. I just feel nothing. No pain, so sadness, no anger, not even happiness. My eyes flutter closed as I wait for some sort of feeling to appear, but the sound of the rain causes my mind to shut down before it can.
CPOV:
I wander towards the kitchen in hopes of finding Ana. Her side of the bed was cold when I woke up, meaning my girl has been up sometime. I would think she never went to bed if I hadn't stayed up and waited for her to fall asleep.
I hear someone ruffling around in the kitchen and I hope it's Ana. I've been wanting to talk to her about her mother since last night, but she didn't give much away. Neither did Ray. I have no idea what to think about their reaction. I know their relationship wasn't the best, but it's still her mom… right?
I turn the corner to see Meredith, not Ana, working on breakfast. My stomach grumbles loudly in response to the smell of bacon. Meredith turns around quickly with tongs raised in a defensive form. I contain my chuckle at her actions and move into the kitchen.
"I'm sorry Christian. You scared me." She puts her hand over her chest and I'm immediately reminded of Grace.
"I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you were Ana. Have you seen her this morning?" I ask looking back towards the living room in hopes that she is there. No such luck however.
"Yes, she's asleep on the chair outside. She's been curled up there for about an hour." She tells me. I nod my head and move towards the back door to go see Ana.
"Wait!" Meredith's whisper causes me to pause. "Let her sleep. She needs it." I don't mean to, but my eyes squint at her warily. How would she know if Ana needs sleep? She wags a finger at me as she moves back towards the stove. "Don't forget I've known Ana much longer than you. I know that girl may have closed her eyes last night, but I bet her mind was constantly running. Come have some breakfast."
I walk back to the kitchen counter and sit down at the breakfast bar. Meredith puts a plate filled with pancakes, bacon, and eggs in front of me. It's looks exactly like Ana's breakfast that she normally makes. Meredith leans on the counter opposite of me as she casually takes a sip of her coffee. She smiles when I finally start eating.
"How long have you known Ana?" I ask in hopes of a little insight into Ana's past.
"I've known her since she was 9." She smiles at me then looks down. "She was such a gorgeous child and so intelligent. She was always curious about everything."
"Ah, so not much has changed?" I ask her in between bites. She laughs heartily.
"No, she has only gotten more beautiful and is even more curious with age." She tells me honestly and I couldn't agree more. I look up at her after taking a bite of pancake and notice tears forming in her eyes.
"Meredith?" I question a little out of my element. She waves her hand in the air then fans her eyes.
"I'm sorry. I just get emotional about that beautiful girl sometimes. Plus everything that happened last night, I'm just a little worn on the emotional scale." She tries to explain with a smile. I can tell she loves Ana dearly - like a mother should.
"It's okay. I can tell how much Ana means to you." I respond.
"She means the world to me. She's my baby girl. Marrying Ray was magnificent, but gaining Ana as a daughter was the real prize." She smiles fondly.
"She is the best thing that's ever happened to me." I tell her. I want her to know how much I love her. She wipes a tear quickly from her cheek.
"I never thought Ana would find someone after her divorce. She was so content on it just being her and Will for the rest of her life. I am so thankful she met you. You've lit her world up like it has never been before." She tells me and my face falls. If I've done that then why won't she marry me?
"She's been through alot, Christian. She suffered years of mental abuse at the hands of Carla. Her husband cheated on her while they had a young son." She takes a deep breath before continuing. "Carla instilled in her from a young age that she would always be a failure. Everything Ana did growing up was met with a constant question of failing. Ana worked herself ragged through high school and college to be the best. She didn't settle for second place in sports, she made sure her teams achieved first place. Failure wasn't an option for her because it would mean Carla was right."
Light bulbs are going off in my head at one word Meredith just said. Failure. I close my eyes as everything starts to fall together. I'm about to speak when Meredith continues while cleaning the kitchen.
"I honestly don't know if she would have married Ethan if it wasn't for the brainwashing she went through as a child. She would never admit it, but I think she thought she would fail everyone if she said no or asked for a longer engagement. She didn't want to upset anyone or cause any issues. She didn't want to see that look of disappointment on people's faces. I'm not saying she didn't love Ethan, but I don't think she was ready to settle down so young." Meredith turns to look at me before speaking again. I've grown quiet as if I have just unveiled the world's biggest mystery.
"When Ethan cheated, it was confirmation to Ana that she was a failure. She is the farthest thing from failure, but that's not how she sees it." She explains a little further. I nod my head in understanding. This is deep and I have to wonder why Meredith is telling me this.
"Why are you telling me all of this? Not that I don't want to know, but you've given me more than Ana has." I tell her truthfully. She leans back on the counter across from me.
"Because I know my daughter. She may not be mine biologically, but I couldn't care less about that. She's my daughter. I know my daughter is scared shitless of the relationship y'all have. That small nagging voice will reappear and she won't want to move forward if she thinks she may fail. She will compare it to her first marriage, in the way it failed. She won't want to try again not only because of the fear of failing but the fear of being hurt as well. I'm telling you this so you don't give up on her. I've never seen her as happy as she is with you while in a relationship. She has to work out all of this in her head before she tries to move forward in life. So don't give up on her or pressure her to move fast. She's worth the wait." I'm not usually a religious man, but I feel as if God just gave me a sign. I feel the need to be close to her, apologize for last night, and never let her go.
"I'm going to wake her up now." I tell Meredith as I get up from my seat. Before I leave the room, I turn back to her "Thank you for telling me that. I know Ana is worth it and I need to go tell her that." She smiles in response and waves me out of the kitchen.
I find my beautiful girlfriend outside just like Meredith describe. She's snuggled so deeply into the chair I think I might have a hard time getting her out. I quietly make my way under the covers with her and slide my arm underneath her head. I pull her close to me while leaving butterfly kisses on her lips. A moan escapes her mouth in her sleepy state and I smile against her lips.
"Wake up beautiful." I tell her as I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Five more minutes." She bargains as she snuggles into my chest. She throws a leg over mine.
"Baby, I want to talk to you about last night." I murmur against her hair as I inhale her scent.
"Mmm. This couldn't wait until later?" She finally starts to wake up. She scoots to a sitting position and she leans away from me. I see the fear in her eyes of where this is going.
"No, it couldn't. I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for my behavior last night. I'm not going anywhere." Her lips look so full that I can't resist the urge to kiss them. She giggles and I continue. "I'll wait until the end of the Earth for you. I love you." Another kiss to her lips.
"But what if I can't give you what you want?" Her blue eyes look so scared.
"See, that's the thing." I start while cupping her cheeks. "I think you are everything I want. I also think you'll move past your fear of marrying me and having babies with me." She goes to interrupt but I place a finger on her lips silencing her. "I'm not going to let us fail at this. I promise." I tell her with so much conviction as I stare into her eyes. Tears start to form in hers and I think I may have pushed too far. She surprises me however when she straddles my lap and throws her arms around my neck. Her repeated I love yous are all the confirmation I need that we are going to be okay.
xoEW