I do not own FSOG.
APOV:
"Dad?" I call his name trying to figure out where he went.
"Over here, baby." My head shoots to the right and I find him on the front porch swing. He taps the spot next to him on the custom made swing and I gladly move towards him. Once I sit down, his arm goes around my shoulder and I lean my head on his shoulder. We are quiet for sometime, enjoying the silence at the farm. I never knew I would miss it once I moved to Seattle.
"Where are the rest of them?" He asks after a while.
"Christian and Will are napping. Meredith was getting ready for dinner. Whatever she was cooking smelled amazing." I tell him just as my stomach grumbles at the thought of whatever she was cooking. My dad chuckles at me and I give him a sheepish smile. It's quiet for a little longer before he speaks up again.
"How ya holding up baby girl?" Concern laces his voice as he shifts towards me. His eyes match his voice.
"Dad, I'm fine. I promise. I'm glad the whole process was quick and easy." I tell him truthfully, but I can see he still doesn't believe me. Handling Carla's estate, or what she called an estate, was quick. There was nothing to her name besides wishes to be cremated.
"Honest?" He questions my words.
"Honest." I tell him while staring into his eyes.
"You know you can go back whenever you want. You and the crew do not have to stay just because Meredith and I are." He changes the subject swiftly.
"I know, Dad. I actually just realized how much I missed this place. I think we will stay the week since we've already made plans to do so. If that's okay with you and Meredith?" I ask with a smile while wiggling my eyebrows. I know it makes him like a nervous teenager when I do it.
"Are you kidding? I was secretly praying you would stay the whole week. We don't see you and Will nearly enough anymore. Meredith is in heaven having all of you here and to care for." His smile is contagious as it reaches from ear to ear.
"Well it's settled. We're here for the week." My smile reflects his own.
"I know this throws a wrench in the weekend for Ethan. Was he upset over it?" He casually asks as if this is just a random conversation. I know better and know this has probably been on his mind since he heard me call Ethan before we left Seattle.
"Not at all. He offered to go with us so he could watch Will while we took care of everything." I tell him with an eye roll to follow. Ethan was so concerned and wanted to be involved so badly. He had met my mother and knew this would be an interesting trip to say the least. I put him down gently, but that hasn't stopped him from texting me daily. It's usually just a check up on Will, but he never misses a chance to ask about me.
"He better not be upset. He is the reason his time was put to weekends in the first place." My dad huffs. I refrain from giggling over the fact I was correct. He's been waiting to talk about this.
"Dad…" I warn him about where this topic is going. I've let go of the negative. I don't want to rehash the bad.
"Okay, okay. Just tell me something. Where does Ethan fit in with you and Christian?" He doesn't look at me while asking and I see his leg begins to twitch. He's nervous.
"Ethan is Will's father. That's the only place he fits into our lives." I tell him while placing a hand on his knee to stop the twitching.
"Christian's okay with that?" He inquires.
"I think he's getting there. I feel like it's a constant pull between the two. Christian wants Will to be his own and not share him with Ethan. Ethan hates Christian because he knows he doesn't stand a chance anymore." As if he even had a chance after his little cheating episode.
"So Christian wants Will to be his? Are you telling me there is a chance for more grandbabies soon?" My dad's eyes alight with excitement over the prospect of having another grandchild around to spoil.
"I…" I stumble over what to say. This is not something I want to talk about right now, but I know my dad will not let me walk away from this now that it's started.
"I'm not sure what I want in terms of the future, Dad." Maybe this will suffice and we can drop this topic.
"So you're going to let them win?" His gruff voice becomes so stern that I flash my eyes to him. His face is hard and his mouth is pressed into a thin line.
"That's not it at all. Why-" I start to attempt an explanation but he cuts me off. His whole body is now facing me. Daddy Ray is about to get in one of his famous lectures.
"That's exactly what it is. After everything you've been through - Ethan, Carla, and everyone else who's let you down along the way. After all the shit you've overcome, you are seriously going to deny you and Will the chance at life long happiness?" His voice only grows louder as we speak. Well, as he speaks. I'm at a loss at my father's words. Once again though, I go to speak and his hand shoots up to stop me.
"Listen, baby girl. Just listen. I know you better than you know yourself, you little stubborn thing. Turn off your brain that I know is spinning to come up with a good excuse to my questions. Shut it off and let my words sink in." His fatherly tone is back but he doesn't move his body from facing me. His eyes soften as they take in my face then flit back to my eyes.
"Carla did her best to destroy you. Her goal was to brainwash you and it was very successful for a while. That stops today though. She doesn't get to win this, Ana. Stop letting Carla's words grow into your fears. Embrace every new possibility that life offers you, baby." His eyes gloss over as he looks to the house. "That man inside there loves you. He loves your son. Don't let Carla and Ethan stop you from being with him fully. Knock down that wall you have around your heart and brain. You are only going to end up hurting yourself and Will in the long run." Damn. He's all but stuck the knife through my heart. Tears spring to my eyes. Carla isn't stopping me from being with Christian...is she?
Failure.
That horrible word continues to swim around in my head. I can't fail anymore than I have. It's not an option.
"Christian's not going to let you down. That man would move heaven and earth for you. Stop thinking every relationship is doomed from the start." As usual, my dad can see right through me. He looks back to me and a small smile graces his tan face.
"I don't know how to turn her voice off." I admit, embarrassed, for the first time in my whole life. I suck my bottom lip in between my teeth as I look away from him.
"Then we get you the best therapist in Seattle that can help you with that." He offers his help with finding one and says he will go inside to begin his search. I agree to one session with whomever he chooses. If they can fix me, maybe I have a chance with Christian. Maybe I can actually give him what his heart desires. A smile creeps onto my face at the possibilities. I stop myself from dreaming too far ahead. Therapy first, dreams later.
"Mama, me go see the horsey?" Will asks sweetly as he helps me put away the dishes after dinner. I hear Meredith chuckle next to me and my dad snort at Will's sugary sweet voice.
"Yes, baby, I'll take you in just one second." I promise him and his cheerful laughter behind me fills my heart even more. We've been to see the horses every day, multiple times a day since we've arrived. Meredith used it as a distraction tactic when Dad and I left to handle Carla's things. Well, it's turned into a full blown obsession now.
"Sorry about that, Ros had one question about an important deal that she has a meeting for tomorrow." Christian's deep voice radiates through the kitchen and I smile when my eyes search for him.
"You know you don't have to stay? I know you are a super important businessman and all." I wink as I tease him. He begins to smirk then it falls slightly.
"Do you want me to go?" He questions me infront of everyone in the room.
"Nope." I answer quickly with a sheepish smile on my face. "But if you do, just know that we do understand. Us Steele's plus one Kavanagh could surely figure out how to get a plane ticket, right y'all?" I ask the room in my best Southern accent. Christian's laughter is infectious as he makes his way over to me. My heart grows even more with that sound. His arms circle me and pull me flush against his body. He leaves a small kiss in my favorite spot under my ear which results in a shiver rolling down my spine. His erection is pressing into my spine and I feel drunk off the sensation. I'm slowly turned around by him while he keeps me close to his body.
"You do realize that your actual accent and your fake Southern accent are almost the same?" He questions with a toothy grin. I can't resist and lean in to leave a small kiss on the side of his mouth. His words finally catch up to me.
"What? I do not have a Southern accent." I know a few of my words come out slightly different, but I wouldn't say I have a Southern accent. His laugh fills the room again and I watch him with mock annoyance.
"You do baby. You absolutely do. Good thing I love it." Well, there goes my heart and any chance of survival. It's beating so wildly I have an instinct to check my pulse. I look around Christian to see that we are alone in the kitchen. Where did everyone else go?
"They left right after you decided to be playful with me." He kisses my frown lines between my eyebrows while answering my thoughts. His lips start to move towards my mouth and I subtly stop him with my finger meeting them instead of my own lips.
"Hold up there, mister. I promised a young little boy that I would take him to see the horses one last time." He pouts at me stopping his advances.
"You know he is going to want to see the horses every day when we return to Seattle?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.
"I know, but I think he understands why we can't have them there compared to why we can here." I explain to him. Will and I have had this conversation a million times it feels like. He wants the horses to move in with him at home. I then explain horses need room and land to run free and we don't have that in Seattle. He always understands but it never curbs his questions about them.
"Well, maybe we will have to look into that. Riding lessons or something to help fill that void. We could always just get him a puppy. I'm sure that would help." I squint my eyes in warning at his suggestion. A dog would be great if I wouldn't end up being the only one to take care of it.
"How about we start by taking to him to see the horses here?" I raise an eyebrow in protest of his suggestion. He winks at me in return.
"Of course. Let's go change then head down there." He kisses me once more then leads me to our room. I throw on my Sorel tall slimpack boots over my skinny jeans. Then I find a thin cream colored sweater to throw on over my t-shirt. Correction, Christin's t-shirt. Christian comes out of the closet in his jeans from earlier, a navy long sleeved Patagonia t-shirt, paired with boots he brought. It's a mighty fine sight for my eyes as I drink him in.
We make our way down the hall to the living room where I can hear Will's infectious laughter ringing throughout.
"Are you ready to go see the horses?" I ask catching him off guard as he twirls around to see us standing in the living room. He now has a long sleeve shirt on and his boots. He jumps up and down while cheering gleefully again. Seriously, it's like his first time every time we go see them. Even if he has been twice today already. He runs over to Christian who scoops him up just as fast.
"Well then let's go see these horses. Have you ever been down there before?" Christian questions him as if it's his first time too.
"Yeswh!" Will laughs at Christian's question and they turn to make their way to the front door. Christian continues to ask him silly questions and Will continues to giggle out his responses. I turn around to find my dad staring at me with an eyebrow raised.
"I know, I know." I nod my head in understanding which causes Meredith to look between us confused. "Want to come with us?" I offer to them. They've both taken Will down today to see the horses at some point, so I'm expecting a no.
"Go ahead, sweetheart. Your father and I may turn in for the night. Also, I can't meet those same horses again. They know I never bring them more than one sugar cube at a time. I'm on the bottom of their list and they don't hold back on their hurt feelings." Meredith explains with a skeptical look on her face. I giggle knowing exactly what she's talking about. Ray takes the whole box down there for them. He and Will go to town giving them treats. Needless to say, the horses are more than spoiled.
"Okay, we will be back shortly." I move to give both a kiss on the cheek then head out the front door. I see both Christian and Will are already in the truck we use to get to the barn sometimes. Will is talking a mile a minute and Christian keeps up with him like a pro.
Quickly, we arrive at the barn and I see Ace immediately stick his head out to look at us. Will notices too and becomes incredibly excited thinking the horses were waiting for us.
Christian holds Will as we make our way to each horse. We all talk to them as if they could respond back to us, which they do with noises and smiles. Will gives them each a sugar cube and they huff their thanks. I catch as many moments with my phone camera as I can. The way Christian laughs at the same time as Will or they way they both tenderly rub their hand down Luna's nose has me clicking away to capture it all. We spend about forty minutes down here before I see someone yawn.
"Baby, are you getting sleepy?" I ask Will as I run a hand through his hair. He shakes his head no without looking at me, but he's caught by another yawn. He looks at me once he's finished his yawn, looking rather sheepish, and holds his hands out for me to hold him. As soon as Christian transfers him to me, his head is on my shoulder and tucked away in my neck. Christian rubs his back as we make our way to the truck.
After a quick shower to wash off the barn smell, I finally crawl in bed. I pull my shirt to my nose, immediately registering my favorite smell - Christian. His Harvard shirt has easily become my favorite of all time. I hear the shower turn on, indicating he's now in, and I smile to myself.
My phone vibrates on the nightstand next to me and I hesitate before picking it up. It's a text message from Ethan. I go back and forth on if I should open it up, but my tender heart wins out and I do.
Ethan: How are you and Will doing? Everything going okay?
I release a sigh as I read his text. My eyes drift to the shower where my boyfriend is getting clean.
Ana: Everything is great. Will has fallen in love with the horses...again.
I try to keep my response neutral and I include a picture of Will embracing Ace from this morning. His response is quick.
Ethan: Look at my big boy loving on Ace. That's a great picture, Ana. I think I'll have it framed at the house.
I debate on responding. There really isn't a need to respond and I feel confident I can leave it at that. However, my phone buzzes once more as I move to put it on the bedside table.
Ethan: You didn't answer part of my question. How are you, Ana? I'm worried about you.
Now a frustrated sigh escapes my lips. Be nice, Ana comes from my subconscious. He is only checking on your well being.
Ana: I'm fine Ethan. Actually, I'm better than fine. Thank you for asking. It's late here and we are heading to bed. Have a good night.
I press send without even a second thought. Instead of feeling bad about ending a conversation with him, I feel relieved. I want to question that new feeling further, but just at that moment Christian saunters in the room with only a towel around his waist.
"Hmm...is that my shirt, baby?" He asks in a husky voice as he stalks towards the bed slowly.
"I do believe this is your shirt. Would you like me to take it off, Mr. Grey?" I slowly trace my fingertips down to my sides.
"Oh no, absolutely not. While I want you dressed in the finest materials, I much prefer you dressed in one of my tshirts. It does things to me." He suggestively nods to the tent under the towel.
"What kind of things? Maybe you should demonstrate." I play innocent for him and continue our game. He crawls up the bed to me and positions himself over me.
"Mmm…" He begins leaving slow kisses up my neck until he reaches that spot. "Let me demonstrate those things for you." He says huskily as he kisses his way back down my body to my core. I close my eyes and let go of everything that has been playing on repeat in my head all day. I focus on the man doing mind blowing things to my body. I finally let go of it all.
xoEW