Warnings: Angst

Chapter 15

Holding Loki against him, Sam let the silence of the room give him a chance to think. It was all so much, too much. Truth be told he was expecting something like this. While he didn't know the details, he knew there was something pushing them together, something making him act out of character. Sam had from time to time enjoyed being a bit rough in bed, but nothing like he had been with Loki. The way that he treated the other was animalistic, if Loki wasn't a god he could have done some considerable damage. Once again, Sam found himself thinking about getting the god into his bed so he could mark him up again, it was like Loki was a drug he needed a fix of.

Resting his head on top of Loki's, Sam smiled as he held the warm body against his own. Placing his hand around Loki, Sam made sure they were pressed tightly together. Thankfully it appeared Loki needed the contact just as much as he let Sam take most of is weight and leaned against him. It would have been perfect if it wasn't for the other two in the room, for a moment Sam could pretend they were somewhere else, just the two of them. When all this was over Sam was going to ask Loki to take them somewhere so they could have some time to themselves. Dean could take some time off from hunting while he took some time, a honeymoon.

Just the thought of it made Sam blush and affectionately rub his cheek along the top of Loki's head. The warmth from Loki's body was enough to keep the primitive need to claim in check. Maybe he wouldn't be able to handle this bond, maybe he would… but if Sam had it his way he was willing to try. The way Loki spoke about it was terrifying, about how it could consume him and take away his will so everything was up to the god. He shouldn't want it, but if it was anything like he was feeling now Sam needed it, wanted it more than anything. How could he not want to be even closer to his lover?

"So, why did you ask for me not to sell my soul anyways?"

It appeared the moment was to be broken. Glaring slightly at Dean as he felt Loki tense against him, Sam squeezed just a bit more. Once Loki started to move Sam had to let go so the god could walk towards the sofa they had previously been sitting in. For a moment Sam didn't follow and instead watched as the light from the window created an almost halo on Loki's hair, making him even from behind, seem almost ethereal. Snapping out of his observations Sam took his spot beside the god and instantly reached out to take one of Loki's hands. He couldn't get enough of touching Loki, even just causal touches like this seemed all so important.

"First, I would like to say the moment I stepped inside that circle I was more pagan than anything else. It really wasn't me who made the deal but the pagan part of me. While we're the same person, it's only when we are together without any restraints that you have the same being you've been dealing with so far. There will be things, triggers both magical and not which could make me switch from one person to the next… once you get to know me better as a balanced version of myself it will be easy to tell the difference."

"So, what you have split personality?"

Sam rubbed his thumb along Loki's fingers while they spoke, the small touch seeming to calm the other. The idea of his lover having split or multiple personalities didn't worry Sam as much as he thought it would. It kind of made sense, that much power and magic would be alive in its own way, the fact that all the power was in the same body would cause some issues. Loki knowing about the different sections of his mind was a good thing, it meant he was mostly in control and the man Sam had been getting to know was the one who was normally in control. Sam could deal with however many others there were as they came.

"Not exactly, but I suppose it's close enough. It's more likely you will encounter the pagan side than the other… but mostly you'll be dealing we just me, a balance of the two. You don't have to worry about me switching too often, I would think. I have been balanced now for a long time, my more pagan side coming out to play only when needed for rituals and accepting sacrifices. The other gods don't have much to do with me since I left Asgard and started living with you humans, turning myself into another trickster."

Sam pulled slightly on the hand he was holding until Loki looked at him. Giving the god a small smile Sam shifted so he had Loki pressed against his side. Moving his arm to wrap around the body beside him, Sam could feel when the tension seemed to bleed out of Loki. Linking their fingers together, Sam couldn't help but kiss Loki's temple lightly, ignoring the groan from the other side of the room. Now that Loki was pressed firmly against his side, Sam could feel the way he would tense up slightly while speaking, whatever this was building up to, Loki didn't like it.

"I really don't know how I should say this so I'm just going to spit it out and you can ask your questions."

Feeling Loki breathe in deeply, Sam held him a bit tighter. All he wanted to do at that moment was reassure the smaller man. He wanted to lay Loki down and hold him, to protect him and comfort him. This was at least something Sam was accustomed to feeling for his lover, the need to calm and help. It was strange how sometimes he felt so out of control, so unlike himself, but then he would have a moment he could remember having with others, this need to comfort and protect.

"You should know my kind don't have physical bodies as you can perceive them. For us to walk amongst humans we must take a vessel. My brothers would try to make it seem like it's an honour… in the past it kind of was, but in reality, we possess people just the same as demons do. The only difference between them and us is a demon doesn't need your permission to possess someone, my kind? For us to be able to possess a body they have to say 'yes'."

Shock ran through Sam, shock along with no small amount of horror. He knew how a human would know what their body did while they were possessed. The things he had done with Loki, the way he had taken the god, and someone was watching? This wasn't Loki's body? In its own way, it made sense something with that much power wouldn't look like Loki, wouldn't look so human… but it was different than knowing his lover was possessing someone.

"You're possessing someone?"

While he tried to keep the horror from his voice, Sam couldn't stop from flinching away from Loki the slightest bit. Loki however was quick to move, his eyes wide as he looked to Sam. In a second Sam had his lap full of god who was straddling him, hooking his hands around Sam's neck while he spoke.

"No! While technically still a vessel as humans can't see my true form, this is all me. For any other besides the first four, they can ask permission from pretty much any human and so long as they say 'yes' they can use the vessel as long as they like. The first four though, we are restricted. We only have a limited number of people we can use as vessels without our essence literally burning the human out. Regular humans aren't built to contain the amount of power we hold. Our vessels run through specific bloodlines, very specific bloodlines."

Nodding his head to show that he was still following, Sam placed his hands on Loki's hips. As horrible as he felt for touching a body that didn't belong to the god Sam was willing to listen.

"I already told you I left home, taking over one of the humans from my bloodline wasn't an option if I didn't want to have my ass dragged back home. I jumped from human to human for a while, never staying longer than their body could handle before I met another god. I'm not going to tell you the process, part of my deal with them, but they were able to show me how to make my own vessel. It took a long time, but this body is mine. It doesn't really look like my true form, but I made it and it contains my essence without harming it. Nobody is in here with me, there's no human soul waiting to take over if I leave… it's only me in here, it was only ever just me in here."

Feeling a hand against his cheek, Sam leaned into the touch. It was still something to process, that Loki didn't really have a physical form, but he felt a lot better knowing no human was being forced into this. The touch was comforting, turning his head slightly Sam placed a soft kiss on Loki's hand before smiling at the man.

"This body is mine Sam, I've been using it now for a very long time and have no intentions of going back to the bloodline made for me. I can't say I never will, and I do check up on them every decade or so to make sure they're alright, that the option is still there if I ever need the power-boost, but it's not something I want to do. This vessel was built to even slow in decomposition in case I ever have to leave it for a while, just need to leave it somewhere safe and it should be fine when I come back."

While Loki was speaking it was easy for Sam to pick out what had started out as Loki being reassuring turned into him being proud. If Loki had to go through the trouble of making a body, a vessel, and admitted someone had to show him how, Sam wondered if it was something others of his kind thought of. Rubbing his thumbs along the hips he was holding, Sam smiled at the pride in Loki's voice. Making your own body was something to be proud of, even if it did weird Sam out a bit.

"While fascinating, what does this have to do with Dean not selling his soul?"

Glancing over at Bobby who was watching with an eyebrow raised, Sam thought about letting Loki go so he could go back to his spot, but the thought left Sam aching slightly in his chest. He liked having Loki in his lap, close enough he could feel the other's body heat. Seeming to feel the same Loki easily moved the two of them around on the sofa, pushing and pulling Sam until he was resting with his back against the armrest and Loki sitting with his back to his chest. Spreading his legs slightly, thankful Loki made a sofa long enough for them, Sam held his arms around Loki's stomach as the other man snuggled into him.

"As I was explaining, the first four have to use a very specific bloodlines. My brothers would never create their own vessel even if they knew how, which they don't. You two are the combination of two of said bloodlines, the True Vessels for two of the first four. It's a sign of a prophecy told a long time ago, and I'm not the first to see the sign for what it is. You see, of the first four, I'm the only one on Earth, the eldest rules back home with the third-born. The second-born though? He's locked up in a cage right now, his own personal cell… one he desperately wants to break out of."

"Now there are a couple ways he can get out of the cage, but the one everyone, even him, is focused on has to do with your bloodline. Now that you have the combined bloodline, just as the prophecy told, he and others will see it as time to act now and open the cage. There are steps, ones I'm not going to tell you, which need to be taken for everything to be played out as scripted. The first thing is to have the soul of the Righteous Man break in Hell."

Running his hands up and down Loki's arms while he spoke Sam let his own thoughts take over while listening. Sam knew, he knew what Loki was, it was just out of reach. There were so many clues, some of which were spoken on their date which seemed so long ago. Loki had told Sam about how his brother was locked away, about how he had run away from home and how he hoped his brother didn't get free. Looking at Dean, Sam could see his brother was connecting some of the dots Sam couldn't see.

"With your bloodline and being the first born, that means you would be the man Dean. Thing is your soul isn't bound for Hell, not unless you do something incredibly stupid like sell your soul. While there is some darkness there, it comes from being a hunter and would never be enough to send your soul downstairs, not without outside help. While there are other things that can be done, this gives us a bit of time… gives me a bit of time to stop this before it gets carried away."

"So, you made me make a deal to what? Keep your brother locked away?" asked Dean, his voice holding a bit of confusion.

"It's more than that… listen I don't really want to explain why, but at least trust my brother getting out is a really terrible idea. He was locked away for a reason, one I hate to agree to. Dad knew what he was doing when he issued the order, even if it broke us."

There was so much pain in his voice now, pain Sam knew would probably never leave Loki. Dean opened his mouth about to say something else, something Sam knew he wouldn't like by the hard edge to Dean's eyes. Glaring at his brother, Sam shook his head. Loki did what he said he would, he explained about the bloodlines, about why he was drawn to them before they really met. Loki had explained about the bond as best he could, had even explained why he asked for Dean not to sell his soul. As far as Sam was concerned Loki had exposed himself enough for one night.

"No."

Keeping his glare on his brother, Sam rubbed Loki's arms while nuzzling the top of his head. There was no need for Loki to continue, he didn't have to expose himself like this just because Dean wanted to dig. If there was something they should know, Sam was certain Loki would tell them. It sounded like with this deal Loki was protecting them, even from things he couldn't talk about.

"Sammy…"

Shaking his head Sam closed his eyes for a moment before looking at Dean again. He wasn't going to let Loki feel uncomfortable around him, he had explained all he promised and Dean wasn't going to grill for more.

"No Dean, he explained what he promised to, leave it alone."

Seeing Dean back off at the look he was giving him, Sam felt Loki vibrate a bit. Concerned Sam made a small humming sound while holding Loki a bit closer. Maybe he shouldn't have been so stern with Dean, maybe he should have been harsher earlier, something was wrong with Loki. Resting his cheek against Loki's head Sam nuzzled slightly while rubbing his arms with one hand and used the other to hold Loki close. Eventually he heard the soft sound of almost-giggle from the body he was holding. Blinking Sam was startled when Loki reached to move Sam's head slightly so he could lean back and lock gazes.

His eyes were so warm and golden.

While he knew Loki wasn't human it was moments like this, when Sam was able to see the power behind those eyes that he realized it. It was a feeling which always seemed to catch Sam off guard, and he prayed he never grew accustomed to the knowledge that this god chose him. Seeing the laughter in those eyes caused Sam to smile even though he believed Loki was laughing more at him than with him.

"Oh Kiddo, I told you, I'm a lot tougher than I look. You don't need to protect me, least of all from your big brother."

Blinking, Sam didn't think twice about leaning forward and pressing his lips against the gods for a moment. When he pulled back Sam smiled at the slightly dazed look in the others' eyes.

"I may not need to protect you, but I'm going to anyways."

This time it was Loki who was blinking at him, his head tilted slightly even while looking back in the same way Sam had seen a puppy's do. It was cute, a warmth flowed through his blood, this time not merely of lust. Suddenly a thought crossed Sam's mind, one he was voicing before it was even fully formed.

"God or not, I don't care how powerful you are if there is something I can protect you from I will, needed or not. It's what lovers do."

While they hadn't named what they were yet, and Sam had a feeling it went much deeper than lovers or husbands could ever be, it felt right. The blinding smile Sam got in return caused him to feel that warm sensation run through his blood again, a feeling much like home. Not worrying about anything else for a moment Sam allowed himself a few minutes of simply holding his lover, feeling the smaller body against his own. He could worry about this prophecy later, would talk to Dean and ask him to back off, right then he was exactly where he wanted to be.

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