Chapter 2 – Hold On

EPOV

"Is the silence between us really necessary, Edward?" Carlisle spoke gently though I knew he was desperate to hear from me. I remained silent and searched through my thoughts to better understand what was happening – how I'd ended up here, in this car with Carlisle next to me and the rest of my family piled into the cars behind us, on our way back to Forks. I always knew that if I ever returned to Forks it would be a painful and sorrowful time. I thought often of what my return would look like. I imagined returning many years later after Bella had lived a long and full life and had passed peacefully surrounded by a loving partner and beautiful children. I never imagined I would be returning less than a year later under the threat of Bella dying.

"What is there to say?" I questioned. Carlisle sighed, defeated. The moment Alice had explained the reason for her visit we'd left Rio and caught the next plane. I'd intended on flying straight to Washington State, but Alice discouraged me. She said that if we were truly going to help Bella we'd need the entire family. The haziness in her thoughts was frustrating. Where I would have once been able to pull apart each of her thoughts, and understand everything she'd witnessed in her visions, I was now left with a hazy, incomplete picture. And as if to protest and force me to concede with her plan, she was purposely jumbling her thoughts, adding to the haziness. Once I'd agreed to meet my family in New Hampshire her thoughts cleared enough to allow me into them. It was exactly as scrambled as she'd explained and it was difficult to see anything useful. There were many images of people connected to Bella, but none of Bella herself.

One image, however, haunted me above the rest. The true reason for Alice's visit. A vision of Charlie's bloodied fingers pressed against the glass window of a hospital door, his body succumbing to the most sorrowful sobs imaginable. Another image of Charlie holding Renee as they both stood over a six foot hole in the earth with a tombstone in front of it, Bella's name carved into it. A brilliant, ivory coloured casket being lowered into the earth… blood-curdling sobs emanating from a broken Renee as she attended her daughter's funeral.

The images were unbearably agonizing.

"Edward!" Carlisle's voice jolted me from my thoughts and I realized my hands had been clutching the seat of my Volvo and had torn through the leather.

"Can you go any faster?" I ground out through clenched teeth.

"Actually, I can't. Any faster and we'll surpass what the car is capable of handling. You mustn't worry, Edward. Alice assured us that she doesn't see that vision coming to light now that we're headed back to Forks. It appears that your presence in Forks nulls the potential of that ever happening. The moment you made the decision to go the vision disappeared from her thoughts," he reminded me, his eyes fixed on my face. I turned away from him, overcome with shame.

"It's important that you feed as soon as we arrive." His voice was stern and serious. He was concerned.

"No." There was no way I was doing anything other than heading to Bella's home and making sure she was OK.

"Emmett and I will go straight to Bella's home to make sure everything is OK. But you must stick to the plan. You won't be of any use to her if your thirst is beyond your control…" His words were soft now and gentle, but I knew he was concerned that my starvation and the ensuing bloodlust could lead to me losing control.

"I won't hurt her," I explained, complete sureness in my voice. There was no way I'd risk hurting Bella. I'd gone months without feeding and an unintended by-product of my starvation was unparalled control of my thirst. I had developed an incredible amount of discipline in my time away.

"I believe you," Carlisle assured me, "but its better that we err on the side of caution than put anyone at risk."

"I haven't fed in months, Carlisle. I flew here on an airplane filled with humans and they all survived. I may not be able to control my ability to read minds at the moment, but I can control my thirst. These past six months are evidence of that." Carlisle stiffened noticeably at my words and his eyes looked tired and worried.

He sighed, "I didn't realize it had been that long. In any case, we'd benefit greatly from having your ability at full capacity and I don't suspect that will happen until you've drained at least a few mountain lions." A small smile played on his lips as he spoke the words. I stiffened as the burning thirst become the foremost thought in my mind. It had been so long that the pain had become comfortable and familiar.

"Fine. I won't be long. You and Emmett head straight there. I'll join you as soon as I'm done."

"Very well." I could sense disappointment in his voice. After spending just two days with my family I was beginning to notice the absence of my gift. The months I'd spent alone had deemphasized the importance I'd placed on hearing people's thoughts as a means to understand their intentions. Without it I found it difficult to comprehend what was happening around me.

Why does he sound disappointed? I mused to myself. I figured it was because he was hoping I'd spend more time feeding to regain more strength. But there was no way I could spend that much time away from her. I needed to see her. I needed to hear her heartbeat, the inhale and exhale and of her lungs - to be wrapped in her overwhelming and intoxicating scent. It was the only way I would truly believe she was fine.

As much as I anticipated seeing her again, I was also conflicted. I had left in an effort to protect Bella. And here I was returning to Forks, to keep her safe. I imagined my return would be difficult for her, and I didn't want to unnecessarily cause her pain, especially because I didn't know how long we'd be staying. We still didn't understand the reason for the haziness in Alice's mind surrounding Bella and I didn't need to read her mind to know that she felt very uneasy with the fogginess. Alice was used to knowing, to seeing.

"You know she wasn't looking for her, don't you?" Carlisle asked in time with my thoughts. I sometimes wondered if Carlisle couldn't read my thoughts. We seemed to be so intrinsically connected that it was as though he knew me better than he should. I suppose almost a century of existing together made for a particularly strong bond, made all the more strong by Carlisle's intuition.

"Then how?" I asked. How was it possible that Alice saw Bella if she wasn't looking for her?

"She says it just came. It was overwhelming and powerful and it overtook her before she could even stop it. Alice describes it as the flood gates lifting." I nodded and pondered the thought. There were many things that didn't add up in regards to Alice's visions of Bella, but it was clear we wouldn't get any answers without searching for them.

My cell phone buzzed in my pocket, interrupting my musings.

"Alice…" I breathed, desperate to hear her voice and her assurances that everything was fine. I was waiting with bated breath for Alice to stumble across of vision of something happening to Bella.

"Bella's fine, Edward." I sighed in relief, pressing the phone to my ear as though it were a lifeline.

"I mean, I still can't see her, but the visions of Charlie and Renee are still gone."

"Thank you," I said gently. I was grateful that Alice had seen Bella, grateful that she came to find me and that she loved Bella almost as much as I did.

"Don't," Alice said, her voice soft. "We're almost there. Pull over now and Emmett will join Carlisle. The rest of us will hunt and then you can meet them at Charlie's."

Carlisle heard our conversation and pulled the Volvo to the shoulder of a road which was lined with thick forest and breathtaking greenery. This was Forks just as I'd remembered it – and this was where I'd find my Bella again.

I stepped out of the car and surveyed my family as they stood facing me. Everyone was silent and anxious. We were all worried about Bella and the uncertainty of returning to Forks and all that it meant for Bella's future, or lack thereof.

Jasper was the first to cut through the silence, his voice serious and commanding. "Are you ready?" he asked, stepping forward and placing a hand on my shoulder. I nodded. I felt a wave of calm flow through me, and I didn't try to fight it. Even if I had, I was sure my starvation had weakened me to the point of being powerless to resist.

"Then let's do this. Eat up, Eddie. You look like you're going to get blown away with the wind, man. We'll see you soon," Emmett's voice boomed as he and Carlisle tucked themselves away into the Volvo. I turned toward the trees lining the road as Jasper, Alice, Esme and Rosalie joined me. I moved toward a clearing in the trees but every cell in my body violently protested against me going any further. I stopped dead in my tracks with my family mirroring my movements, taking their cues from me. How could I do this, when Bella was so close and possibly in danger?

"She's safe, Edward. They'll call us if she's not, but I know she is," Alice assured me as she fluttered to my side.

"You can't even see her!" I spat, rage coursing through me. A consequence of starvation appeared to be the inability to control my reactions. If I was being truthful, it wasn't Alice I was angry with. It was myself. I'd left Bella thinking it would be the safest option for her. And here I was, back in Forks faced with the possibility of Bella dying what appeared to be a violent death and with very little knowledge of what, or who, was putting her life in danger.

"For once, Edward, you need to put your needs aside and prioritize Bella's instead." Esme spoke now, her words cutting deeply. Esme had barely said a single word to me since I had returned, and I knew without even needing to read her thoughts that she was angry with me for leaving. And she was angry with me for taking Bella away from her. As painful as her words were, I couldn't argue with the truth in them.

Without further objection, I crouched down, and pushed my body off of the floor of the forest, launching myself into its depths.

BPOV

The bed below me felt too soft and my body sinking into it was an unwelcome feeling. Most nights I preferred to sleep on the floor. It was hard and cool and the closest I could get to having Edward near me again.

But tonight I was too tired to move. My body was too sore and my head was throbbing, and those two realities made it unlikely that I'd be moving any time soon. I inhaled deeply and pushed the hair from my eyes before turning over to face the window. My body tensed, as reminders of his presence crawled back into my consciousness.

That window had once been a source of deep joy for me. I'd spent many nights in this very position, poised and waiting for the window to rise and for Edward to push his way through and crawl into my bed, wrapping his arms around my middle, pulling me into the safety of his embrace. But after he left the window remained unopened for many months, until recently.

Things came full circle, so here I was again, watching this same window, waiting for a body to slide through it. Only this time I knew it wouldn't be Edward that climbed through my window.

My heart sank at the realization.

I sighed as I turned in my bed, my bones aching in protest.

He'd told me tonight was the night. He was coming back. He wasn't finished with me yet, he'd said.

My eyes were growing heavy as I waited. I didn't know when he'd arrive but I'd figured if I was awake and waiting it would less of a shock to my system when it happened. It was less terrifying this way. But my body was betraying me tonight, and sleep was something I so desperately needed that I wasn't sure if I'd be able to fight it any longer.

A soft knock at my door made me jump.

"Bells?" Charlie's voice came through the door. He sounded more exhausted than usual. I wondered why he wasn't asleep already.

"Yes," I answered quietly, turning over in my bed to face the door. I needed to get rid of him as quickly as possible. The door opened, revealing a pajama clad Charlie. Dark bags outlined his eyes and his hair was in disarray. He had just woken up, it appeared.

"I just came out to get a glass of water, but I wanted to check in on you. You doing ok, kid?" He asked, his sad eyes searching for mine in the darkness of my bedroom. I tried to perk up, to appear less pathetic so as to keep Charlie from worrying.

"I'm fine, Dad." I even managed to sound a bit cheerful. I mentally applauded myself for the effort and success.

"Ok kid. I just thought I'd remind you that you have a doctor's appointment tomorrow after school with Dr. Carmen."

"Sure, I remember. But… I don't think I really need to go anymore… I'm doing a lot better." I struggled to sit up in my bed, my bones aching and throbbing as I did. I attempted to keep as straight a face as possible, not wanting Charlie to see that I was in pain.

"Bells, I think you should keep going. It's only been a month since you… well, you know?"

"Came back to reality?" I said, cringing inwardly at the suggestion. As far as Charlie knew, the days of catatonic Bella were gone. In this moment, I was thankful he was oblivious to the realities sitting just underneath his nose.

"Yeah, sure." He smiled. "I really think you should keep at it," he suggested. I noticed his hand slip into the pocket of his pajama bottoms as the other roughly scratched at his beard. I smiled and nodded.

"I'll think about it…" I offered, acutely aware of the time as I tried to end the conversation quickly.

"Do that, and let me know. I trust your judgment, Bells." He smiled again and turned around, pulling the door closed behind him. I sighed in a mixture of relief and fear.

Charlie was gone now, but I knew I wouldn't be alone for long. I shifted back down in my bed, my head pressing into the soft pillow beneath me. I listened to the ticking of the clock on my wall and tried to force my eyes open to focus on the hands moving around, counting the seconds. But it didn't last. Time passed and I watched the clock move with it: 10:46pm, 10:50pm, 11:01pm and then my eyes finally closed and I fell into a restless sleep.

A loud bang jolted me from my sleep. Fear coursed through me and my body tensed. I closed my eyes, clenched my fists and inhaled deeply, trying to calm down enough to stay composed. He hated it when I cried.

The banging became louder and I opened my eyes to figure out what was happening. He never came in through the door. I panicked, figuring the change in routine couldn't be a good thing. I looked around and noticed the bright, white light filtering into the room through my window.

Daylight. It was daylight. How long have I been asleep? I wondered.

"Bells!" the banging grew louder as I realized the sound was coming from my door. It was Charlie. He was knocking. I jumped up from my bed, regretting the decision when I felt a sharp pain radiating around my rib cage. I folded over at the sensation.

"Coming!"

I moved slowly, still disoriented both from the pain and the shock of waking up to Charlie's voice instead of his.

Had he come last night? Had I slept through it? I shuddered at the thought but pushed it aside, knowing there was no way I'd be able to sleep through… him.

I opened the door and smiled when I saw Charlie standing in front of me. He looked me up and down and laughed, his eyes resting on my hair. My hands shot up, fingering the knotted strands of hair sticking out in all directions. I understood why he was laughing, I was sure I looked as wild and unkempt as I felt.

I smiled at Charlie's laughter, my first genuine smile in a long time. I'd almost forgotten what that felt like. It was pleasant.

"You better hurry and get dressed otherwise you'll be late for school. I have to get going, but I wanted to make sure you were awake before I left. You err…. You slept soundly last night, huh?" he said stumbling over the words. I knew what he meant. Last night was the first time in months that I'd slept through the entire night without waking up from my nightmares screaming. Of course, Charlie didn't realize that my nightmares weren't just about Edward's absence anymore.

"Yeah, it feels good," I offered, trying to looking optimistic, though optimism was the last thing I was feeling.

Why didn't he come last night? I wondered again, dread coursing through me.

Charlie smiled brightly at me and turned on his heel, walking down the stairs and out into his cruiser.

I rushed around the room, searching for something to wear that would be concealing enough. Most of my clothes were long sleeved, but after last time he'd come through my window I'd needed turtlenecks to cover the marks properly.

I stopped for a moment, memories of that night washing over me. I clenched my fists before bringing my hands up to my neck, wrapping around it just as he had, my fingers gliding over the purplish bruises he left behind. I choked back a sob and inhaled, trying to compose myself.

My head started spinning, and my knees were shaking. Suddenly, it was as though he was here again, his hands wrapping around my neck, pushing me roughly into the floor as his knee pushed between my legs, forcing them apart.

"Shut up" he whispered hoarsely, his hands pressing harder and harder into my neck. I couldn't breathe anymore. I pushed against him as hard as I could fighting against the weight of his body on top of mine.

The shrill sound of the phone ringing downstairs pulled my mind from the memory and back into reality. I rushed downstairs and lifted the phone from the receiver.

"Hello," I murmured, sleep still thick in my voice. I assumed it was Charlie on the other line.

"Hello," he said. My body tensed and then started shaking. "Did you think you could slip that past me, sweetheart?" His voice was low and menacing. I knew he was angry.

"W-wh-at?" I stuttered over the words, fear ruling all of my actions.

"I'm not stupid. I know they're back, Bella. But this doesn't change anything."

Back? Who is back? I don't understand…

But then in clicked.

Edward. Did he mean Edward? No, it's not possible. Edward is gone. He's not coming back. I choked back a sob at the thought of him.

"Meet me at our special place at 9pm. Come alone. And if you don't, you know what'll happen. I promise you it'll be the end of all of you." He growled into the phone, emphasizing each word.

I tried to move, but movement felt impossible.

What does he mean "they're back"? They're not here. They haven't been here… my thoughts were racing and my heart was pounding. My mind was going into sensory overload and I could sense the oncoming onslaught of memories. I braced myself, and tried to counter the thoughts as best I could. I summoned the images of Edward, and forced myself to recall every painfully beautiful memory I had in an effort to force the filth out of my mind.

Edward's hands, cold and firm, holding mine. His icy breath, his golden eyes, locked onto my plain brown ones, rendering me completely lost in their depths. I continued replaying memories of Edward until the tension left my body and my head stopped spinning.

Pull it together Bella. Hold on.