Chapter 4 – Protection

BPOV

"Wha-t?" It was all I could sheepishly utter. I tried to find words and form a sentence with them, but that seemed painful and impossible. Was this real? Was this even possible?

They're back.

"Bella…" he breathed, his brow furrowing and his lips twisting into a frown. He pulled the door open even further to reveal the rest of his family sitting stoically around a table, as though they were engrossed in a serious business meeting.

Their eyes narrowed as they watched me, the same emotion reflected in each of their faces as though they were mirrors of each others.

Sadness?

They were sad?

Is it because I'm here? Is that why they all look so… upset? I wondered, taking an unconscious step away from the door.

I turned to Edward, waiting for him to speak, expecting him to set the course.

Did he want me to leave?

Did he want me to stay?

What does he want?

My heart pained at the sight of him, knowing the feelings I had for him couldn't be reciprocated. I was overwhelmed by the cascade of emotions that was sending me into a tailspin. The feeling in my chest was swelling, threatening to burst open as I struggled to make sense of this situation – this augmented reality.

He doesn't love you, I thought harshly and that's for the best anyway. You're damaged goods now.

My internal monologue was cut short as was the quiet awkwardness that surrounded me when Alice charged forward, pushing Edward aside to reach me.

"Bella, come in!" Her voice chimed through the room, ringing through my body, reverberating off my bones sending a wave of warmth and electricity shooting through my aching body. When she spoke it sounded like wind chimes, gently clanging together in a summer night's breeze – my heart ached at how painfully I'd missed that sound.

She wasted no time, reaching out and grabbing my hand before I could process her actions. I recoiled from her touch as though the contact had sent a literal shock through me. I'd almost forgotten just how cold they were. Like bricks of ice meeting an open flame. Yet another thing I'd missed. The cold. Lately if felt as though everything around me was heat and fire. The cold was a welcome break from it all because it reminded me of Edward. If I couldn't touch Edward right now, Alice would have to serve as a suitable substitute.

She reached for my hand once again, determined to maintain contact, but before she could touch me I pulled away – the instinct to avoid physical contact was overwhelming and therefore it triumphed. She stepped back, trying to hide her obvious shock.

"Sorry…" she offered, an uncomfortable smile on her face. I shrugged and forced a smile in return.

"Oh, it's so good to see that smile again! Please, do come in!" Esme beamed, stepping toward in a very controlled, easy pace. I took another hesitant step backwards as my eyes locked on Edward's face. His hands were balled into iron vices while his arms were folded across his chest. He looked pained and uncomfortable. My heart sank at knowing that I was the cause of his discomfort.

I shook my head, politely refusing Esme's offer "I can't stay…" I explained, locking my hands together in front of me.

"Of course you can," Alice insisted, taking another hesitant step toward me.

"No," My voice raised, shocking me. I winced, preparing for their reaction. But nothing happened. And it was now or never. I needed to tell them.

"You have to leave," I said evenly, trying my hardest to appear assured and resolute.

Alice's eyes narrowed, she was unconvinced.

"We just arrived today, Bella. Speaking of which… how did you know we were here?"

I rolled my eyes at Alice's effort to change the subject.

Had this been any other time, under any other circumstances I might have found it confusing that Alice didn't already know the answer to my question. But Alice's lack of foresight wasn't a shock to me.

He had warned me that she wouldn't be able to see me anymore…

"Word spreads quickly in small towns" I offered, inhaling sharply before continuing, "but you can't stay here. You have to leave."

"I'm not sure we understand the urgency, Bella. We just arrived, why would we leave?" It was Carlisle who spoke this time, his voice as beautiful and captivating as ever. His eyes were soft, but troubled as he eyed me from his corner of the room.

"For the same reasons you left before," I supplied "because I want too much from all of you, and you aren't able to give me what I want." The words sent sadness straight through me, shattering through my conciousness, slicing me deeply and painfully.

"Bella –" Alice began, but I cut her off before she could continue.

"Look, I almost ruined all of your lives seven months ago. If Jasper had…" I stumbled over my words, knowing how upsetting they would be "if he'd bitten me, you could have been exposed. It's not safe for you to stay here with me knowing what I know."

I was crumbling to pieces on the inside, the words felt like acid burning through my tongue, corroding away at my skin with their toxicity. I wanted to drop everything and run into Alice's arms, to sob against the cold granite of her skin.

I wanted to beg her to stay this time, to never leave again.

But I knew it wouldn't be safe. And more than my own desires I valued their lives.

They would be killed if they stayed, of that much I was sure.

Alice spun on her heels to face Edward. She growled and narrowed her eyes at him, glaring at him while no doubt threatening him in her mind.

"Do you see now, you idiot?" she shrieked, "do you see what you've done?" Her voice was full of anger, and her fingers were bending into, rigid, claw-like appendages. Edward's jaw twitched and his eyes fell from my face toward the floor. He leaned his body against the wall behind him and sighed.

"We're not going anywhere, Bella." The words spilled from him with ease as he remained poised against the wall, seemingly unaffected. My body contracted painfully at the sound of his voice, ringing musically around the room, unleashing what felt like an entire lifetime of memories. The memories flooded my mind – memories of Edward, his voice… his words. Of everything that I'd been longing for and missing, of all my desperation and hopelessness balled together in a painful, beautiful bliss.

It was unleashing inside of me, the massive void his absence had carved out of me hollowing with renewed intensity. Circling me, cradling me… overwhelming me.

"Yes. You. Are," I insisted, emphasizing each word, trying to convey the seriousness of my words. Carlisle stepped forward, observing me with a gentleness that had always been unique to him.

"Bella, why don't you sit for a moment and we can continue discussing this?"

"No," I shouted, stunned by my own emotional outburst. How unhinged had I truly become? My desperation was building as I tried to convince them of my plan. Leave, turn around, pack their things and flee. And never return. They couldn't' stay, no matter how much I wanted them to. I couldn't keep this a secret from them long enough, and although I was aware that Edward felt nothing but brotherly affection for me, I knew the Cullen's would try to help me if they found out what I'd worked so hard to conceal.

If they interfered, I couldn't imagine an outcome that didn't involve a blood bath of death and destruction.

I cringed at the thought. There was nothing easy about any of this because telling them to leave went against every instinct my body held. I wanted to run to Edward, and press my body against his, breathe in his familiar scent and lose myself in his embrace.

I wanted him to wrap me up, carry me away, tucking me aside in the safety of his world.

But this wasn't safe, it couldn't be safe. So they had to leave. I had to make them leave. There was no way around it.

"Bella, if you'll please just sit and discuss this with us," Carlisle urged, his golden eyes locking with mine in an affectionate gaze, "we can sort all of this out and figure out what makes the most sense for everyone." His eyes shot to Edward and I could tell that there was some kind of silent exchange happening between them.

I couldn't allow this to go any further than it already had, I needed to put a stop to it now. I turned and faced Edward, my jaw clenched as I braced myself for what I was about to say.

"You never had any issues leaving me before, did you? You ruined me, Edward. All of you ruined me. I spent months trying to pull myself back together, to pick up the mess you left behind. You figured it would all be ok if you just erased any trace of yourselves?" My voice was shaking now, catching in my throat as tears brimmed in my eyes. "Well it wasn't. Nothing about what you did, or what you're doing now, is ok. So leave. And stay gone because I can't handle another ending like the last one, and we all know that's inevitable when you get tired of toying around with me again…" The tears began streaming down my face and I wiped them away as quickly as they fell. As much as my monologue was devised in the hopes that they would leave, it was a very real admission. I wanted them to stay, but another part of me wanted them to leave now before I became attached again.

I had already lost so much, I couldn't risk losing them all again. I knew I couldn't survive it twice.

I studied the room and noticed the look of anguish on everyone's faces. Esme's hands were clasped over her mouth and her body had curled around itself, sunken into a position of defeat. Jasper looked overwhelmed by what I was sure was a complicated array of emotional turmoil, while Rosalie's arms were folded across her chest and her eyes were focused on something off in the distance. She seemed unaffected by Emmett's attempts at affection, his arm draped protectively across her shoulders. It was painful scene to behold, but most unnerving of all was Edward.

His hands were clasped behind his head and his body was hunched over and while I couldn't see the look in his eyes, I knew him well enough to know that his face was filled with an agonizing burn, a brooding that was entirely unique to him.

"Bella…" Alice's voice called after me, but I couldn't stand here a second longer, my legs were wobbling beneath me, my body waffling against the steady wave of emotions clawing their way through me. I had made my point, and I had done everything humanly possible to make them leave. If they didn't leave I'd just have to come up with a way to keep them as far away from me as possible.

I turned, readying myself to walk out of the door for what would probably be the last time in my existence when I felt a cold hand wrap around my wrist. I tensed, my body reacting to the touch before I could process what was happening.

"Stay," Edward begged, his hand wrapped around my frail wrist, his pleading and sincerity unveiling an endless well of emotion inside of him. I tugged at my arm, trying to pry it from his grasp, a completely wasted effort.

"No," I said in a quiet voice, my body angled away from his in an effort to hide my tears.

"Bella, please." His was desperate, I realized. And I couldn't understand his emotional reaction, or the obvious sorrow punctuating each syllable he spoke. This didn't make sense – why did he want me to stay? I was sure coming back to Forks hadn't even been his idea but that his family had dragged him along.

"Stop it, Edward. I'm giving you want you want. You don't have to keep the act up anymore. This is your out, so take it." There was no anger left in my voice, I was too tired to feel anything other than broken and fractured.

"This isn't what I want… this was never what I wanted." A cold shiver ran down my spine.

Of course this is what he wanted… he left.

I was drowning in agony as I tried to process his words.

He made it clear to me that he didn't want me anymore. Why was he so insistent now? Hadn't this been his end goal all along – to shake off the pathetic human girl following all of them around like a sad, dejected, stray dog?

"Tell her, Edward!" Alice shouted, stepping between us and pulling Edward's hand from my wrist. "Tell her that it was all just a lie."

"Enough, Alice," Edward snapped.

"No, I won't stop. Can't you see that you and Bella aren't meant to be apart? You were never supposed to leave her here. We were never supposed to leave her here. She's part of our family."

In the midst of her animalistic ferocity she glanced at me and smiled and I immediately warmed, feeling the agony dissipate by a fraction.

And then Carlisle stepped forward and spoke, his voice filled with certainty "Alice is right. We shouldn't have left Bella here alone in the first place. It wasn't the right decision, certaintly a poorly thought out choice, but nonetheless, we did it. And for that we're sorry, Bella. I don't know that we could convey how deeply we regret our decision."

"We came back. We're sorry that we left to begin with and that we hurt you so much as a result. But we're here now, and we aren't going to leave again – not unless you're with us and the decision to leave was one that everyone was involved in." Alice placed a gentle hand on my shoulder, searching my eyes for any discomfort.

Was it true?

Could it be true?

"I don't believe it," I whispered with a shaking voice.

"I know. We broke your trust and we have to earn it back. We know that, and we're willing to work to make it right." Alice shifted away from me to look at Edward and the loss of contact made my heart ache.

"Edward!" Esme's voice was soft but terse. She glared at Edward, waiting for him to speak. He was perfectly still, his eyes trained on my body, studying my every movement with careful precision. It was as though he was looking through me, like he could sense that I was hiding something. I stiffened and turned my face away from him, knowing that it would be the first to betray me.

"What's happened to you, Bella?" Edward's tortured voice broke through the heavy silence in the room. The pain was unmistakeable and it resurrected all of the anguish in me that I'd forced down into the deepest, darkest parts of myself. Before I could stop myself, I began to sob.

Of course this would be strange for Edward. This was his first time seeing me for what I had become. I was sure he could see the changes in me. My sallow, sunken cheeks. My dry, lifeless hair and my limp, sickly thin body.

I was a ghost of who I used to be. Completely transformed.

My body started to shake and tears were blurring my vision now. Panic pulsed through me at being unable to see and suddenly the flood gates opened, sending wave after wave after wave of memories tearing through me.

His hands were hot and fire-like as he pulled at my clothes. He shifted forward, using his arms to pin my own above my head. The weight of his body pushed my bare back into the gravel road of the driveway as his lips trailed across my chest, leaving bruises in their wake.

"Is this why you came here? To be closer to them?" He whispered in my ear, his hot breath washing over my face. My eyes scanned the sky above me, searching for something to keep me focused, to help me stay distracted from what was happening to my body and my eyes locked on the large windows adorning the home that had once belonged to the Cullen's. Visions of Edward filled my mind, and my will to fight was renewed. He would be disgusted with me if I let this happen.

I couldn't let this happen.

"S-s-s-top it. P-please." My voice was low and shaking as I pleaded with him to let me go.

"Why? I'm only trying to help you forget him, Bella. Trust me, this is going to help." He removed a hand from my arm and began clawing at my jeans before growing frustrated opting instead to rip them off of me instead.

"Bella! Bella?" Carlisle's voice pulled me away from the memory. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to calm down enough to give them an explanation for what they had just witnessed.

"I'm… sorry," I stuttered, a shudder ripping through my body as I tried to shake off the lingering memories still clinging to the corners of my mind.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked, bending so that his eyes were level with my own. He placed a hand on my shoulder offering silent encouragement.

"Nothing," I insisted, "really, I'm just tired. I haven't slept well in a while..." I offered, noticing that all of the Cullen's had gathered around me and were watching me with an unnerving intensity.

"That didn't look like you were just tired," Emmett asserted, his brow furrowed as he watched me curiously.

"Well, I am," I countered defensively. I needed to work harder to convince them that nothing was wrong or at least provide enough information to appease them without revealing anything that could endanger them.

"I have nightmares sometimes…" I whispered. I watched as the seven faces around me tensed, "ever since Edward left…" my eyes found the ground and held there, avoiding their stares before I continued, "I have nightmares and I don't sleep well." I felt pathetic sharing this, but it was better this than revealing the other truth I was desperate to conceal.

"I understand," Alice said gently, "and I'm sorry."

"No, you don't understand. Charlie has to wake me every night from the nightmares… I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't function." My voice was quivering, but I couldn't let up. This was my last attempt to make them leave. "It's taken so long to get to where I am now. Things are finally getting better for me. But all of you being here just makes it worse. It just reminds me that if you wanted to, you could leave in a moment. You could abandon me again without a second thought. You could shatter me all over again, if you wanted."

And if they knew what I was now, if they knew about him and about what he did to my body, they would leave. They wouldn't want anything to do with me. Or maybe they'd try to fix it first and make sure he couldn't hurt me anymore. And if they did that, they would die. The only option was to make them leave or to conceal the truth from them.

"Please, tell us what we can do to fix this," Jasper pleaded. I felt a wave of calm wash over me, the room becoming steadier again and the nerves in my body calming, pushing deep within me, no doubt the work of Jasper. Part of me wanted to fight it, but another part of me wanted to embrace it.

It was the most peaceful I'd felt since they left.

But as quickly as the calm came, it left again. And then my heart began racing as I surveyed each of their faces and the reality and severity of the present situation hit me again.

This isn't safe. Try harder. He could be watching right now and you could be putting their lives in danger.

Fix this.

"For now, just leave me be," I begged, my voice low and very unconvincing, but I had nothing left to give.

Alice stepped away from me and turned to face her family. She began speaking in a low tone, her words too fast for me to understand. I saw Carlisle and Esme nod, and Rosalie rolled her eyes, turning her head away from me. Jasper paused for a moment before nodding in agreement as well. Edward remained motionless, his eyes trained on me again.

"If that's what you want, we'll leave you be. But we aren't leaving Forks, Bella. We can't." Carlisle's voice was patient and calm, making leaving even more difficult. But I nodded and turned toward the door before I could change my mind.

Leaving them was absolutely the hardest thing I'd had to do in what felt like forever, especially knowing that in a few hours I would be his again.

EPOV

The room was slipping away from me, as my hold on reality became more and more precarious. Similar shock was apparent on the faces of everyone brightly lit, windowed, sitting room. We stood motionless for a moment, processing everything that had just happened far faster than human eyes and ears ever could. We needed only seconds to reflect before gaining a grasp on what had just transpired.

The first person to move was Alice, she flitted across the room at an inhuman speed, stopping in front of a desk sitting adjacent to the wall next to a large table. Her delicate hands rummaged through the top most drawer before pulling out a pristine white notebook and a pencil along with it. And then she was sitting, notebook open and pencil poised above the paper as if waiting to transcribe something for someone.

Her hand began moving across the page, the loud scratching of the pencil accompanying each stroke of her wrist. The rest of my family moved to her side, with Jasper at her right and me at her left, the rest gathered behind her chair. All of us held vigil around her in complete silence, knowing exactly what was happening and understanding the importance of remaining as quiet as possible.

Alice was having a vision. She would often draw the visions out, finding it easier to connect back to them later with a visual representation of what she'd foreseen to refer back to. It also helped my family understand what her gift was showing her because, unlike me, they weren't gifted with the ability to read thoughts. As she drew, I focused on the vision as it played out in her mind.

I saw it in Alice's mind before she could finish mapping it out on paper.

Forks Hospital. Carlisle walking out of a patient's room, pulling the door shut behind him. Carlisle catches a familiar scent – Bella's scent and curiosity is evident in his face. He follows the scent to the door of his office. He can hear panicked chatter from behind the door, though the voices aren't discernable.

And then everything goes black and the vision washes.

"That's the most I've seen in months, Edward," Alice said, scratching the pen across the paper, completing the picture of Forks Hospital and Carlisle's face. Her voice and face relaying her hopefulness. Maybe this was something…

"Alice, please explain this to the rest of us," Carlisle urged as he placed a gentle hand on Alice's shoulder, his eyes lit with hope for the first time in a long time.

"Tonight, Bella will be at Forks Hospital. You'll be there too, Carlisle. You'll catch her scent before you see her and you'll follow the scent to your office," Alice explained, holding Carlisle's gaze.

As my family engaged in conversation about Alice's vision I noticed Jasper slowly back away from everyone, his eyes narrowed and pained. I began to focus my efforts on hearing his thoughts. They were disjointed and fragmented, coming in incomplete pieces while the rest of our family discussed Bella's visit to Forks Hospital.

Pain. So much pain. Why? Where is it coming from? I don't understand… I couldn't… I couldn't handle it. Jaspers thoughts were dark and intense making him unable to focus on the conversation unfolding between Alice and everyone else.

"But you don't know why she's there?" Alice answered Carlisle's question with a small shake of her head.

"But she's there. And I can see it!" She was beaming now, her eyes wide and cheerful.

"Why would she be at the hospital, and why would she be waiting to speak with you, Carlisle?" Esme questioned, sitting down in a chair across from Alice.

Something isn't right. She isn't right. It's not… normal. Is it physical pain? Is it just emotional? Why couldn't I feel it clearly? Usually I know immediately. Usually I understand.

Jasper's thoughts were growing more and more desperate with each passing moment. He was accustomed to having perfect mastery over people's emotions. It was an uncomfortable feeling for him to be so out of touch with Bella's emotional state.

"I don't know, maybe she'll call to arrange a meeting with Carlisle to tell him more of the same stuff she said today about needing us to leave?" Emmett offered, sitting in the chair next to Esme as he spoke.

"Maybe. But Carlisle didn't know she was there until he caught her scent," Alice explained, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"Enough," I growled out in a low voice. The intensity of it enough to render my family still as they waited for me to speak. I needed Jasper to vocalize his thoughts. In his head they were too incomplete and confusing for me to follow.

Jasper's thoughts were always among the clearest and most easily deciphered I'd ever encountered. The confusion and conflict I was witnessing inside his mind was an indicator that something was very wrong. It was yet another piece of disturbing evidence indicating that Bella wasn't safe, not yet. Even if the vision had washed out of Alice's mind, it didn't mean that Bella wasn't still in danger.

"Jasper… speak," I commanded.

He nodded in my direction, clearing his throat before stepping forward. All eyes were locked on him.

"I assume you've been listening to my thoughts?" He asked, his jaw tensed. I nodded, folding my arms across my chest.

"What is it, Jazz?" Alice questioned, appearing next to him as if out of thin air.

"From the moment Bella arrived I was trying to… understand her emotional state. Based on the explanation Carlisle and Emmett gave of her physical well-being I wanted to get a sense of where she was at emotionally, I wanted to try and understand the parts of her we can't physically see. I figured it would be helpful in trying to figure out what's going on with her an what kind of danger she's in."

"And?" Rosalie asked, her voice cutting and sharp in the deflated air of the room.

"She's… something's wrong." He said simply, locking his eyes to mine, placing so much emphasis on the word wrong that it prickled at every fibre of my being.

"It's all well and good that you've been able to see her so clearly, Alice. But even with the vision we don't know much. We don't know why she's at the hospital and we don't know what's wrong with her. I can say with certainty that the turmoil Bella is experiencing is…" He paused and turned away from me. I kept my eyes trained on him, searching his thoughts in total desperation.

I'm sorry, Edward, Jasper thought before continuing.

"What I felt from Bella today was unlike anything else I've ever felt. She's… broken. Something is terribly wrong. And because of what I sensed from her today, I'd wager that her visit to the hospital isn't a good thing."

My entire body seized, as it felt like the walls were slowly closing in on me. I couldn't understand his words or what they meant. What did he mean, broken? What does it mean for a human to be broken? She wasn't physically broken. Perhaps she wasn't particularly healthy right now, but that didn't mean she couldn't gain back the weight she'd lost or eventually adopt healthier sleep habits. Those things didn't break her. The broken feeling Jasper was talking about had everything to do with her emotional state.

This was far harder to bear than her sickly physical appearance. I could see the wreckage that had become her body, and I could help her fix that. But what was happening inside her mind – the only place I couldn't reach, the only part of her I didn't know, was more concerning to me than anything else.

My own mind raced through possibilities. What could be happening to Bella? Was it because I'd left? Did I destroy her that much?

Jaspers' voice broke through the thick silence of the room.

"When she first arrived I picked up her emotional state from outside, before she even came inside. It was agony. But, then she came inside and the agony was interrupted by moments of… longing? Of love."

"Oh Bella," Alice whispered, her head bowing as her hands clasped behind her neck.

"When she looked at you, Edward – or when she spoke to you, the agony was interrupted. It was as though you were part of the remedy for her pain."

"Me?" The thought was incredulous. How could I be the remedy for her pain when I'd been the one to destroy her?

"Yes. I don't think she was being entirely truthful here today," Jasper explained, "she was being evasive…"

"Well obviously," Rosalie spat, rolling her eyes. "Do you think she really wants to bare her soul to the people that she thinks are responsible for destroying it?" Rosalie's eyes locked on to mine, her thoughts venomous and filled with a rage that was directed my way.

"I don't think it's a matter of not wanting us to see her vulnerabilities. I think there's more to it. I think she's hiding something from us. She's protecting some kind of secret, trying to conceal something from us. I think whatever she's hiding from us is the driving force behind the pain she's feeling."

I nodded in understanding. Jasper's theory made sense. Everything about Bella was off, and it wasn't just in a physical way. The way she moved, the way she spoke, the way she reacted to everyone in my family – all of it was deeply concerning and a clear indication that something terrible was happening.

The agony I felt was beyond measure. Every cell of my being felt as though it was being shredded. The thought of Bella enduring such a devastating and tormenting kind of pain was beyond anything I could handle. What was happening? What was she hiding?

I watched Jasper's brow furrow as he surveyed me. No doubt he was reading my emotions and trying to provide me with some measure of relief in return.

"Let's start with what we know," Carlisle suggested, placing his palms face down on the table, leaning forward as he met each of our eyes.

"Well, we know that I can't see her anymore. Or, that I can't see her very well, anymore." Alice looked dejected at the thought as she shook her head in frustration.

"And we know that she is in pain," Esme offered, her voice filled with a tortured sadness. The room paused as everyone catalogued their own assumptions, running through their observations while trying to understand what all of this could mean. Their looks of sympathy did nothing to quell the storm brewing within me. It felt as though my insides were being shredded, like molten lava was coursing through my veins, ripping me open from the inside out.

"And we know that I am largely responsible for a lot of that pain." My voice was low and empty, penetrating the room with its intensity.

"Yes. We do," Alice agreed. Her voice was void of anger but very pointed. She wasn't angry with me, but she couldn't deny that my leaving had caused Bella many months of suffering. I had caused her pain. I deserved a torturously slow and painful demise. But it would have to wait. For now, I needed to remain where I was – I needed to help Bella.

"And we know that something is very, very wrong. But let's work with what we have," Carlisle suggested.

I listened for Carlisle's accompanying thoughts. We know she'll be at the hospital tonight. I don't know why but perhaps I can glean something from her while she's there.

"Yes. That's a good place to start," I offered. The others looked between Carlisle and I with frustrated looks of confusion.

"Carlisle believes we should make some sort of plan for tonight. We know Bella will be at the hospital tonight, presumably waiting to speak with Carlisle."

I watched as the faces of my family flinched as they looked at me. I scanned their thoughts and it was enough to reveal that they didn't need Jasper's gift to surmise that every passing moment was filled with grief, knowing that Bella wasn't by my side, that I wasn't protecting her while I was here, making plans to figure out what was happening to her instead.

"I don't know why she's there… I can't see anything else," Alice grunted in frustration.

I thought if we made a decision I would have been able to see the outcome. But… it's just blank. It's gone back to the way it's been for months. What is wrong with me?

"This isn't on you, Alice. You can't see something you're not meant to see." She smiled, a half-hearted gesture, in my direction, grateful for my attempts to comfort her.

"I don't understand why I can see small bits and pieces but not big pictures. I've never had this issue with Bella before…"

"I don't think what you saw today was an indication that anything has changed," I explained, "I think you see things connected to people who are part of Bella's life, but you don't see Bella. Your vision tonight involved Carlisle, and Bella wasn't in the vision until Carlisle caught her scent. I think the vision actually belongs to Carlisle's future, not Bella's." As difficult as it was for Alice's gift to be malfunctioning around Bella right now, there wasn't anything we could do about it. Something was preventing us from seeing Bella's future clearly, but it wasn't Alice.

"It doesn't change that something's wrong with Bella, and I can't do anything to fix it."

"I know."

It didn't change anything. Both Alice and I struggled with feeling powerless, with not knowing when we usually would have.

"Tonight then," Carlisle said. We all nodded in agreement. Before the conversation could continue any further I was running out the door and down our driveway.

I had to find her. I might not be able to talk to her, but that wouldn't stop me from watching her from afar to make sure she was safe.

As I ran through the trees, dodging branches with ease, my thoughts were consumed with her. I replayed every moment of today in my mind, relaying the memories clearly as though they were happening right before my very eyes. A perk of being a vampire was perfect recall far exceeding anything humans could manage. I was able to visualize every moment, every gesture and movement without any significant effort.

The moment I saw her everything began falling to pieces around me. It was exactly as Carlisle had described through his thoughts. She was as broken, if not more, than he'd shown me and explained to me.

"You never had any issues leaving me before, did you? You ruined me, Edward. All of you ruined me. I spent months trying to pull myself back together, to pick up the mess you left behind. You figured it would all be ok if you just erased any trace of yourselves?" She paused for a moment tears brimming in her beautiful brown eyes before pulling in a deep, purposeful breath "Well it wasn't. Nothing about what you did, or what you're doing now is OK. Leave. And stay gone because I can't handle another exit like the last one, and we all know that's inevitable when you get tired of toying around with me again!" I watched as her entire body sunk inwards, one arm wrapping around her frail waist as the other wiped away the tears streaming down her face.

I fought against the urge to run to her, hold her in my arms and kiss away those tears. I wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in my arms, gliding my hands across the familiar planes of her body, proving to her that I wasn't going to leave again.

I shook my head, trying to will the thoughts away. Those moments with Bella in our home had shown me how grave a mistake I had made in leaving her to begin with. I had caused her such deep pain that I wasn't sure I would ever be able to earn her trust back.

My plan had worked. I had managed to convince Bella that she meant nothing to me. She had lived through these past seven months believing that she was nothing more than a toy to me, a convenient distraction used to pass the eternity that spanned out before me, something I could discard at will when she no longer captured my interest.

I had given thought to how that would hurt her. I figured she would struggle with that for a few months, but that she would find something to help her move on. Truthfully, I had expected her to find companionship with someone else. Bella was enigmatic, and beautiful soul and an unforgettable presence. I couldn't conjure visions of her alone… without someone to match her spirit, to keep her safe.

I didn't imagine her crumbling to pieces. I didn't anticipate that she would suffer as much as she had.

But if today was any indication of the past several months, she hadn't moved on. She hadn't found anyone and now she was hiding a dark and painful secret. And it was my fault.

I had underestimated her love for me because I was a foolish, naïve, coward.

I ran harder and faster now, following the trail of her scent. It stopped abruptly along the highway. I pushed past the thick brush until I could hear her cries. I ran faster now, desperate to know what had elicited the sound from her to begin with.

When I pushed through the trees the sight before me brought me to my knees.

Bella's head was resting against the steering wheel of her truck as her body shook violently with the force of her sobs.

BPOV

I waited until I was clear of the driveway to break down into hysterics. I drove until I was 5 miles away from their home before pulling to the side of the tree lined road, resting my head against my steering wheel as I sobbed. My body shook while the tears poured out of me.

It had been too much. My body felt like it was composed entirely of raw, exposed nerve endings, fragmented and broken.

Seeing Edward had awakened the parts of me I thought would never come to life again. I was confused. He seemed to be consumed by an overwhelming pain and I'd noticed several moments where it looked as though he wanted to come to me, to hold me like he had before he'd left. There were even moments where I had been foolish enough to believe that maybe he had, and still did, love me. Alice had insisted that he was lying the day that he left, and he had confirmed that, but the gaping hole in my heart couldn't believe it was true. The thought brought me too much hope. And hope had become dangerous.

He won't want you now, anyway. You… belong to someone else now.

The realization that maybe it was true, maybe Edward did love me was painful. I knew that the glory of knowing he cared for me as I did him would be short lived. Everything was different now.

I couldn't belong to Edward anymore.

Wave after wave of pain crashed through me, overtaking me.

I brought my shaking hands to cover my mouth, and then screamed into them as loudly as I could. It was the only release I had left. I screamed and sobbed and shook. I tried to stop myself but I couldn't. Every emotion from the past seven months was surfacing and I was powerless to stop it.

I jumped when I felt a hand wrap around my waist, pulling me away from the steering wheel.

I screamed again, but this time in fear.

It was him.

Not now. Not here. Please.

I felt a gentle but firm hand brush my hair from my face, resting my head into a firm, granite-like chest. Cold. Not fire and not heat. This wasn't him.

"Shhh. I'm so sorry, love." His hand brushed the tears away from my eyes as they fell.

Edward.

It was Edward. It was my love. It was everything that had held me together. The embodiment of what I had clung to every day to survive this hell. He was here and he was holding me. I thought for a moment of fighting it, but I couldn't. I sobbed harder and harder and it kept going even when I wished for it to stop. My body shook, and I couldn't suppress the screams that echoed out of me.

And he held me through it all. He stayed next to me, his body pressed into mine, holding me closer than he ever had. The more I cried the tighter he held me, the closer he pulled me into him.

I breathed in deeply as I cried, inhaling his scent, reviving the memories of him that had faded in my mind over time.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you so deeply," he whispered, his lips pressed against my ear as he spoke to me. "I will never leave you again, Bella. Never."

Words that should have been comforting caused me to cry even harder.

He loved me.

But it didn't matter now.

I reached a hand up to his face, pressing it against his flawless, porcelain skin, savouring this moment. I lifted my head, pulling away from his chest.

"I should tell you to leave…" I muttered, "But I can't. Please… don't go."

This is a mistake, Bella. Tell him to leave. Run away. Let him go. If he stays and he gets hurt, it'll be your fault.

I couldn't listen to my own reasoning right now. I needed him as intensely as I needed the air I breathe. I wanted to be strong enough to tell him to leave, but for now, I couldn't.

"I won't. I won't ever do this to you again." His voice ensnared in pain, and the sound of it brought me to tears again. They were gentler this time, less violent and consuming.

"What's happening to you, Bella?"

"I can't, Edward. Please don't," I begged, wanting to savour in this moment without the weight of everything else suffocating us. His jaw tensed but he nodded.

"Where are you going right now? Where were you headed?"

"I was going to school… but I don't think I can." I pressed my head against his chest again, muffling my voice. He chuckled as he pressed a soft kiss against my hair.

"You're lucky I have the hearing of a vampire Bella, otherwise I wouldn't have heard a word you said." He continued placing small kissed across my head, stopping at my ear.

"Can I take you home with me?" I tensed at the suggestion. He stilled, looking down at me with concern.

"What is it, Bella?"

"I… I just don't know if they want me there?"

"Bella, they've missed you almost as much as I have. Our family has been… broken and incomplete since the day I left you."

His hand ghosted across my jaw and he pulled my face toward his. Everywhere he touched left a trail of icy fire in its wake. These simple gestures, his touch, his presence… it was resurrecting every bone in my body. Even the places where my body ached felt relieved when he was next to me.

"Kiss me," I breathed heavily, closing my eyes, preparing for rejection. But it never came. Instead, I felt his soft, full lips trail across my own, stopping briefly for a moment as he locked his hand in my hair, pressing me closer into him.

I tensed again, conflicting emotions competing in my head. In this moment he was the antithesis of everything painful that had been happening for these past several months. He was the salve to the wounds within me.

Edward stopped when I stiffened in his arms, and his gaze held my own.

"What is it, love? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. This is just… it's everything," I sighed and rested my head against his chest, reveling in the feeling of this moment. I would give almost anything to stay in this moment for eternity.

But I wouldn't destroy Edward for my own selfish desires.

I can stay, just for a few more hours. This will be our goodbye, this will be that last of it, and then I'll go back to belonging to someone else.

A/N: So, what do you think? Review and let me know!