A/N: Please take care when reading this chapter as it contains GRAPHIC descriptions of sexual assault.
Chapter 6 – Somewhere else
EPOV
It took every bit of strength I possessed to keep my feet firmly in place as I watched Bella's truck roll down the driveway. Every instinct I possessed was roaring at me to run, to follow her and to never let her out of my sight.
To make matters worse, Carlisle and Alice were screaming at me from within their own thoughts, warning me against following Bella too prematurely.
Do not move, Edward! She mustn't know you're following her.
It was as though they could sense the desire burning within me to chase after her, pull her from her truck and tuck her away in the safety of our home until I could figure out what she was hiding from us.
During discussion we'd had outside my bedroom regarding this, we had all agreed it would be imperative to make sure Bella didn't know we were watching her. Esme had struggled with the idea of invading Bella's privacy and following her, but we managed to convince her that it was a necessary precaution if we wanted to ensure Bella's safety. Convincing Esme had involved Alice explaining, in depth, the images she'd witnessed in her vision of Bella's death. Jasper also had a hand in convincing her when we explained everything he'd been feeling from Bella from the moment she walked through our doorway and back into our lives.
Grief. Terror. Fear. Deceit. Panic. Pain. And the list ran on and on. A never-ending foray of pain and suffering.
Jasper explained that Bella was trying to mask her true emotions with other, more benign emotions. When she seemed calm or casual she was attempting to conceal fear. When she was yelling at us angrily she was trying to distract us from her obvious panic. Nothing was as it seemed, Jasper had explained, and in his experience this meant a person was hiding something.
And as much as Bella was keeping up appearances, we were doing the same. We had to remain convincing, to ensure that she felt as though we weren't suspicious of her fabricated story. It wasn't very difficult to fool her, either. She was, after all, only one person. A frail, distracted and possibly injured human was unlikely to ever fool a coven of seven vampires. Our heightened senses, special abilities and years of wisdom made it easy for us to separate Bella's lies from truth.
Still, we all knew her well enough to know that she would never willingly share something with us if she felt it compromised our safety. We knew there was no hope of pulling the information out of her in the traditional way, no matter how subversive we may be. And I was sure she no longer trusted us after we'd abandoned her for months, leaving her in Forks and in danger. So, we had to uncover the truth without her help. And everyone in the family had their opinions and theories.
After witnessing Bella's anxiety attack Carlisle was convinced she wasn't being truthful with us. His sound rationale was enough to pull me out of my self-loathing long enough to realize that it was unlikely that my abandonment was the sole source of Bella's agony. After watching her unravel in front of us like that we all agreed, Rosalie included, that it wouldn't be wise to leave Bella alone for any period of time.
Her safety was paramount to all of us.
So, I stood in place unmoving as she drove away from us and possibly toward something dangerous.
"Jasper, Emmet," No sooner had I spoken and they were at my side, waiting for my direction.
"Ready when you are," Jasper offered his voice confident and strong.
"Let's do this," Emmett boomed.
"This is our plan: we follow her to wherever she's going, and then the two of you stay behind and watch her. Don't let your eyes leave her for a moment. Once we know she's safe, I'll leave and pay a visit to Charlie at the Police station. If my information is correct, he's catching up on paperwork and will be there until at least 11pm. I'll speak with him and see if I can pull anything from his thoughts that gives us a clue to what Bella's hiding. Once I'm done there, I'll come back and join you."
As much as it pained me to leave watch over Bella, it was necessary. I needed to peer inside Charlie's mind, to see what he had been seeing for the past several months. Charlie's thoughts might provide us with the missing pieces of the puzzle that had become Bella's past, present, and future. And being that I was the only person with the ability to read minds in my family, no one else could do the job. I felt uneasy knowing I wouldn't be watching over Bella, but I trusted Jasper and Emmett to look after her well-being almost as much as I trusted myself.
I listened as Carlisle spoke into his cell phone, his voice filled with pleasantries and warmth as he spoke to the Dean of Medicine at Forks hospital. I watched as he folded his phone shut, sliding it back in the pocket of his trousers.
"They would be delighted to have me return – tonight especially. Apparently, several doctors have called in with food poisoning this evening. I'll be there, watching for Bella just as Alice's vision has predicted." I nodded and watched as the rest of my family filtered through the door and onto the deck, each wearing their own look of concern and unease.
"Keep in contact, Carlisle." He nodded in my direction before walking down the steps and towards the garage where our cars were parked.
He stopped just as he reached the door and turned to face me.
"She's going to be OK, son."
"I'll make sure of it," I agreed and, feeling confident she was far enough away to no longer be suspicious, I gave into the instinct I'd been stifling since she left.
I ran.
We had followed her as far as we could. We now stood, frozen like statues on the line that divided our land from the Quileute land. That ancient treaty was sacrosanct and the prospect of breaking it was less than ideal for our family. If we crossed into the land of the werewolves, we would open ourselves to war and war was the last thing we needed while trying to solve the mysteries surrounding Bella.
"Why is she here?" Emmett's voice was laced with disgust and confusion.
"She's befriended the great grandson of the Ephraim Black," I explained, my voice terse.
"We have to follow her."
"We can't, Emmett. If we do we start a war," Jasper said quietly.
"What if they're the ones hurting her?"
"I don't think they are. She's connected with Jacob Black, truly. I believe they're friends. I could sense it when you were speaking with her, Edward. When she explained the cliff diving and Jacob saving her… I felt…" Jasper paused, uneasy "I felt their bond." I stiffened at his words.
"Maybe so. I don't see him capable of harming her, anyway. At least not intentionally. But that doesn't mean she isn't in danger on their land. Wolves are temperamental and immature. They lack discipline and control."
"But we can't protect her here. You know as well as I do that crossing this line will give them what they've always wanted – it's the perfect opportunity for their new Alpha to assert his authority. The wolves would be much happier without our lingering presence affecting their daily lives."
I couldn't deny the truth in Jasper's words. I was conflicted. Should we risk crossing into their land and the chaos that would ensue as a result? Wouldn't it serve to distract us from protecting Bella? How would we divide ourselves between watching over Bella and fighting in a war with the wolves? There would be casualties if we weren't a united front.
"Stay and circle the perimeter. Stay apprised of her whereabouts. Listen for her and make sure you know when she comes and when she goes." I wasn't comfortable with this plan, but it was our only viable option.
"We'll be here. I'll call you if anything changes and she leaves."
I nodded and ran in the direction of the Forks Police Station, leaving my heart behind, in the hands of my brothers.
I paused outside the door of the Sherriff's Office, listening to the thoughts and conversations of the people inside. Mundane mutterings, nothing of interest. But before long I found what I was looking for. Charlie's thoughts, clear and loud in my head given how familiar they had become to me from my time spent with Bella.
The relief was instantaneous.
I disliked most people's minds. Humans were self-absorbed, shallow and predictable and unless it was advantageous to me I rarely took a purposeful look inside their thoughts. Today, however, I was thankful the mind I was perusing through belonged to Charlie. His thoughts were simple, honest and straightforward. He rarely thought anything he wouldn't say aloud, and many of his mind's ramblings revolved around his budding relationship with Bella.
At least, they had. I wasn't sure what I would find in his mind now that things had changed so dramatically. He had been an intimate witness to Bella's pain since I'd abandoned her. If her recount of her nightmare's and Charlie's hand in pulling her from them was accurate, I was sure I'd find a darker man inside his thoughts.
How could I not? The man loved Bella with a fierceness I admired. I imagined that knowing the person you loved most on the earth was suffering through such terrible pain would change the mind of any person.
It had changed mine. Things had shifted irreversibly inside of me after Bella had been attacked by James. I was never quite the same. Although I had witnessed my fair share of tragedy in my life, some of it at my own hands, nothing compared to watching Bella writhe in pain as the venom from James' bite began cauterizing itself into the corners of her body. Thinking I had lost her, or that I had been too late to save her had torn me into fragments, the pieces a chaotic jigsaw that could never be set right again.
I knew I would never manage to pull all of the shredded pieces of myself back together again after that moment. Nothing in my life had prepared me for loving someone so intensely that in consumed me, that it shattered me when they were harmed.
So, I paused outside of the Sheriff's Office, partly to gain a pre-emptive glance into Charlie's mind and partly because I wasn't sure I was prepared for the onslaught of his mind and his words. I knew they would accurately serve as judge and juror for the crime I'd committed in abandoning Bella and leaving her, once again, writhing in pain in the aftermath of destruction.
But I couldn't linger much longer. I had to make this quick. I needed to return to Jasper and Emmett to make sure she was safe. I pushed the door open and walked past the front reception desk before the loud sound of someone clearing their throat stopped me.
What does he think he's doing? The woman behind the front desk wasn't impressed at my boldness. It appeared my preoccupation with reading Charlie's thoughts had made me sloppy. Of course, I couldn't just waltz in here like I belonged. There were human formalities to follow. I turned to face her and offered my easiest smile, the one that made humans swoon into a dazed confusion.
"Sorry…" I glanced at her nametag "…Ms. Shumacher, I was just looking for Chief Swan and I didn't realize you were there when I walked in. It's been a long day." I continued smiling and waited for her hostility to dissipate.
"And you are…?"
"Edward Cullen, a friend the Chief's daughter."
Oh boy. This kid is in for a real treat! Never quite did see Charlie as angry as he was when that Bella of his was left in those woods by this kid.
I cringed at her thoughts.
"Well, he's down the hall and to the right, kid." She smiled sweetly before ducking her head down to look over the files scattered across her desk.
"Thank you."
Her directions were unnecessary, of course, because I could hear Charlie's thoughts with ease and knew where his office was. Nonetheless, it was all part of the ruse I had to grown used to maintaining. I made my way down the hall at a human pace, though my instincts were urging me to move faster – to get this over with so I could get back to watching over Bella.
I knocked on the door, a single tap, and then peered through the glass at Charlie's tired looking face. He looked… different. Older, somehow. It would be hard for human eyes to discern, but the creases on his forehead had deepened and the lines adorning his bright brown eyes had become more distinctive. His dark hair was peppered with more grays than had been there last time I'd seen him. He looked haggard and worn. Transformed – as was becoming the theme for my return to Forks.
No doubt the result of watching his daughter slowly fade away, I thought as the pain began slicing through me yet again. I pushed my own thoughts away, watching as Charlie walked toward the door.
He pulled it open and immediately anger flashed across his face as he stared at me.
"So it is true. You're back." His voice was rough and all pleasantries had been abandoned. He was merely stating an observation, one that was troubling to him.
"Yes, Chief Swan. It's good to see you." He scoffed at my words as he returned to his desk and sat down. I glanced at his office and noticed the lack of personal belongings. The only personal touch was a single photo of Bella that sat framed on his desk.
He glanced at it, pain filling his eyes as he asked, "Does she know yet?"
"Yes. She came to our home this morning," he grunted and stared at me, narrowing his eyes. He paused for a moment, thinking.
An image of Bella swaddled in a large woolen blanket flashed across his thoughts. Her body was curled into a fetal position on her bed as she stared out her bedroom window, her eyes red and puffy.
I winced at the memory but was pulled back into the moment when his gruff voice sounded through the room.
"Do you have any idea what you did to her?" His voice was empty, barely there and hardly audible. I
t was very unlike Charlie, to seem so… small.
I focused on his mind, allowing his thoughts to intertwine with my own.
Screams. Bella's screams… his panic as he rushed into her room, and the sight of her wrestling with herself as she slept, her forehead glistening with sweat and her fingers clawing at the blankets beneath her. Charlie running to her side, gently shaking her, calling her name in a calm, soothing voice. And her blank, lifeless eyes when she awoke, crumbling into sobs in his arms. Charlie holding her as she sobbed, looking momentarily unsure of what to do before rubbing small, soothing circles across her back.
The image tore through me and I had to suppress a growl. The sight was so unlike anything I'd ever witnessed between Bella and Charlie. They weren't an affectionate pair, rarely displaying their closeness through physical affection.
But things had changed, it seemed. Charlie had shifted and morphed to accommodate her suffering and his natural protective instincts had allowed him to soothe Bella in ways that had once been unfamiliar to them both.
I responded with a single word, "Yes."
I know what I've done to her.
His eyes narrowed again, the anger swelling inside of him as he finally came to life in front of me.
"If you know, and if you care about her at all, you'll leave Forks right now and never come back." His fingers gripped the edge of his desk as his eyes bore into mine, searching for any weakness he could exploit. He was doing what humans usually did when confronted with an enemy.
Another shift. I had become his enemy. He had never been very fond of me, to begin with, but his general dislike had morphed into hatred with time. I couldn't blame him. His anger made absolute sense. Part of me was thankful to see his reaction, to know that Bella had a protector in Charlie when I had failed at being her protector.
Unfortunately, it didn't seem to matter. Something was still wrong with Bella, beyond what I had done to her. She was hiding something. I searched Charlie's mind, trying to find something that could make this hazy picture clearer. His mind was filled with images of Bella's transformation, her shift into a ghost of what she had previously been because of my absence. He was too consumed with his pain and his anger towards me to see anything beyond what was in front of him.
"I understand why you're angry with me. But I can't leave. My family and I have returned, and we plan to stay." I needed to make sure he understood that no matter how hard he pushed, we wouldn't be leaving.
This made him angrier.
"You ruined her. And now you have the gall to come back here, to wreck her all over again? How do you think she'll handle you being here again? Do you know what kind of hell she's been through since you left her? Or is it that you just don't care?"
I couldn't think of any way to atone for my sins in front of this man. He wasn't forgiving, not in the way Bella and my family had been. And I was grateful for that. I didn't deserve forgiveness. I deserved for him to unleash upon me every vile and hateful thing he could muster.
"I know. And I do care. I will regret hurting her every day for the rest of my life."
"Hell of a lot of good that'll do her. You think you can just erase what you did?"
"I know I hurt her beyond measure, but I assure you I will spend the rest of my life trying to fix what I've done. It'll never be enough and it'll never erase what I've done, but I have to try."
"Why?" He demanded, his voice rising as he stood from his chair.
"Because she is my world." Charlie laughed, his voice straining against the anger.
"You don't even know what that means. Is that what you do to someone you love? Leave them broken?" He paused, sifting through memories of his broken daughter, disintegrating in front of him with each passing day.
"Why did you do it? Why did you leave her like that?"
"I thought it was for the best. I didn't think she could ever live a full and complete life with me around."
Part of me wanted to explain every detail to Charlie, to help him understand that my love for Bella was never in question – that I had always loved her, despite how poorly my actions had displayed that love. But I was limited in what I could share with him, and fragments of the truth would have to suffice.
"I don't expect you to ever forgive me, Chief Swan. But know that I will never leave her again, not unless she orders me away. Not unless it's what she wants."
"And if she wants it, you'll leave, no questions asked?"
"Yes, without question."
"Good…" he paused for a moment, walking around his desk so he was standing inches away from me.
"I hope someone hurts you one day as much as you've hurt her." I nodded. I understood. I hoped for the very same thing.
"Why did you come here?" He demanded.
"I needed to see… to hear from you… to tell you how much I regret what I've done to Bella."
"To see?" He was shouting now, inches from my face showing no signs of backing down. It was unusual for a human to be so bold around a vampire. Usually, their natural instincts made them fearful of us. But even in searching Charlie's mind, I saw no fear in him now. Only anger.
"I need to know what I've done if I'm ever going to fix it." It was a lie, mixed with truth. It wasn't the only reason I was here, speaking with him, but it was one reason – the only one he could know about.
"You want to know, huh? You want to know what you did to her. Did you know that after you left… she couldn't move from that spot in the woods? She was lost. I couldn't find her... We had a search party out in those woods to look for her. Luckily Sam found her. And thank god he did, because if she'd been out there any longer she mighta' died. He found her and carried her out of those woods and back to me. But then she didn't speak to anyone for a week. And when she finally came round she wouldn't eat. Couldn't sleep." He inched away from me, leaning against his desk, his gaze cast downward, eyes focused on the intricate patterns of the wooden floorboards.
"I didn't know…"
"No, you didn't. Because you left." His eyes filled with sadness as he continued, "She was finally getting better. She had even made some new friends. She was tryna' move on. She got real close with Jacob Black. They became good friends."
"I'm glad."
"But now it's like she's lost all over again. Even Jake can't figure out what's going on. He's tried to help her… but it's no use. She just moves around like a ghost, pretending she's fine but it's not hard to see she isn't."
"I want to help her."
"How can you help her when you're the reason this happened?"
"I'll find a way. I'll do anything." Charlie surveyed me closely, his eyes glancing over my face and taking in my body language.
Good. He's suffering. Let him suffer.
I welcomed his hostile thoughts. They were truthful and honest and they were what I deserved.
"Well, just so you know, you're not welcome in my house anymore. And I can't make choices for Bella, but if it were up to me, I'd make sure you never saw her again. You better watch yourself, kid. I'll be watching you and if you so much as step a toe out of line, you'll have to deal with me. I won't let you break her any more than you already have."
"Yes, sir." My voice was empty, permissive. I watched as he stiffened. His openness was fading, his walls resurfacing. It was easy to see I wouldn't be able to glean anything else from my conversation with him. And his thoughts conveyed how much he wanted me gone from his office and out of his life.
I could give him the former, in the very least.
"Sorry to have troubled you, Chief Swan. I'll show myself out now."
"Yeah, you do that." And as quickly as I stepped outside of his office the door slammed shut behind me.
BPOV
Autopilot. I'd read somewhere that PTSD made survivors go into autopilot in times of danger – it was their brain's way of protecting them from trauma. Truthfully, I was grateful for it. Had it not been for autopilot taking over for me right now, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do what needed to be done. I would have turned my truck around and made my way back to the Cullen's house, putting them all in danger, signing away their lives to powers much stronger than myself or them.
But autopilot kept me on track, made sure I did what needed to be done. It was like there wasn't much thought involved in my actions anymore, some deep, unconscious part of me was running the show.
Fine by me.
Right now, it felt like I was watching myself from above, a mere witness to the brutality of this moment.
It almost felt like it wasn't even happening to me.
Almost.
But the pain and his voice always jolted me, with violence, back into reality.
"You were with them; I can smell it." I was leaning against the trunk of the tree behind me, fingers digging into the bark. We were on the outskirts of the Quileute lands, hovering on the line where their territory ended and the desolate forest began.
He had taken me here once before. He told me it would be our 'special place'. It was far enough away from the pack to make sure they didn't know what was happening and far enough away from the Cullen's land to make sure they wouldn't accidentally stumble upon us if they were to return.
"Yes. I was," I answered.
"And? How much did you say?" He spat, eyeing me with a sickening lust. I flinched away from him, hating how unpredictable he was. His anger made him reckless.
"Nothing. I said nothing."
"I hope you're telling the truth, Bella. But there's plenty of time to figure that out..." his shoulders dropped and his head fell to the side as he watched me with hungry eyes.
"Now you've kept me waiting long enough. Come here."
I was shaking as I walked toward him, exerting a great deal of effort to keep myself from running away.
It didn't matter how madly my mind protested this, survival was keeping me from running, from fighting back… from doing something.
Sometimes I wondered if my permissiveness made me compliant… did it mean I wanted this?
No.
Despite how convoluted and messy this had become I knew, deep within my core, that I didn't want this. I had been saving myself… I had always imagined that this part of me would belong to Edward and only Edward. I never wanted to give this away to anyone else.
This wasn't my choice. But the illusion of choice blurred the lines sometimes.
I could say no… but it would mean death all around me. And if I said no he promised to keep me alive, to make me watch and to let me live through it all so I would always know the pain of losing everything that ever meant anything to me.
I walked toward him, the pain of the injuries from his last brutalization of my body still sharp and fiery, burning reminders into my flesh. Every bone in my body ached. And tonight, would only be worse. He was so much angrier now that I had their scent on me, much angrier now that he knew they had returned.
I couldn't help the tears that were falling, blurring my vision so the only thing I could register was the sound of him laughing as he ran toward me.
Before I could register what was happening his fist connected with my stomach, winding me as I bent over, clutching at my abdomen trying to regain my breath.
Another fist, this time connecting with my ribcage. My body fell to the cold, hard ground with a loud thud, an echoing crunch bursting in my ears.
And then the sound of his foot connecting with my stomach,
and the cracking of ribs as my world shifted so that I was floating above my own body, a spectator now, witnessing it from above.
I preferred it this way… disconnected and just a witness to the horror rather than an active participant.
He climbed on top of me, his massive, scorching hands pressing my wrists into the ground, pebbles of dirt digging into my permissive flesh. Restraining me was unnecessary because I had stopped fighting back long ago. I knew all too well that fighting only made it worse.
Everything that was happening to me and around me only registered in my mind in small, short clips.
His lips on me,
traveling down my neck until he found the skin above my chest,
where he made sure to mark me as his.
Fingers grinding into my flesh,
bruised flesh painting across my skin in their wake.
Heavy breathing,
his tongue snaking across my ear,
stopping at the lobe to bite down
and the smell of blood,
my own blood mixed with his saliva.
Fighting to suppress the urge to vomit,
while choking back tears.
I closed my eyes, trying to fade further into the recesses of my mind. I struggled to find a safety in my thoughts… just until he was done with me tonight. My mind combed over images that brought me comfort and in the forefront of my mind I found Edward. His face, perfectly etched into my memory brought me ease. His gentle, cold hands in contrast with the rough, fiery hands that were grasping at my body with a bruising force.
Edward.
Edward.
Edward.
I would hold onto the image of him in my mind, I would cling to thoughts of Edward as though they were life-giving, life sustaining. I would shield myself from this moment with thoughts of what was, what could have been and what should have been.
Short, abrupt clips interrupted the images of Edward, my consciousness slipping between the present and my life sustaining distraction.
His hands,
tugging at my jeans,
pulling them down my legs…
I couldn't let this happen.
I couldn't.
I couldn't.
I couldn't.
My mind filled with Edward's face again as I tried to quell the urge to fight back, to reclaim my body and try to escape.
But he was back - Edward had come back to me. I had been in his bed, wrapped in his arms only an hour before this moment. I had been wrapped in his safe, comforting embrace. He had returned to me and here I was, belonging to someone else again.
I had to fight.
The shift was palpable as autopilot shut off, leaving me in control again.
I looked up to see his face inches from mine, hands gripping at my undergarments, attempting to shred them beneath his fingers.
No.
No.
"NO!"
"NO!"
"NO!"
My throat was burning from the strain of screaming so forcefully. Sandpaper snaking down my windpipe, rubbing it raw from the strength of my cries.
Suddenly one of his hands was pressed tightly over my mouth, smothering any cries for help at my lips.
His hand on my thigh,
traveling up,
and up,
bruising me instantly.
I squirmed, trying to see how much force I would need to remove him from on top of me.
He was so much stronger, so much larger. The heaviness of his body was crushing me, pulling the air from my lungs, leaving me breathless.
Still, his distraction was evident and I had to use it to my advantage.
I raised an arm above my head and searched for something on the dirt floor beneath me… anything I could use against him. Something that would allow me to disable him long enough to run.
My fingers wrapped around something heavy and large. A stone.
Yes, this will work.
I gathered the last bit of strength I had within me and smashed the rock across his face as hard as I could.
He roared in pain and rolled off me, blood pouring from the gash. I moved onto my stomach, clawing at the earth beneath me, trying to pull my body away from his.
I was dizzy with pain, certain that a few of my ribs were cracked from his kicks.
But I kept clawing away, dragging my broken body across the sand and rubble of the ground, toward my truck parked only a few metres away.
"You bitch," he roared but I kept clawing away. And then he stood, clutching his head, blood pouring through his fingers as a renewed rage ignited within him.
I kept clawing, kept going, I had to escape.
But in seconds he was back on top of me,
violently ripping my clothes from my body,
hands gripping my thighs,
wrenching them apart before he brutally stole my body from me again,
this time more violent and painful than it had ever been before.
I drifted up and away, swallowed up in my thoughts, pulled from this moment to something safer, returning only when he was done.
He grunted and laid next to me on the ground, my bare body shivering as a cool wind blew over me. I lay there, still and silent, unaware of what was happening around me before the part of me that was floating above, a mere witness to the ordeal, returned cracking open my consciousness, bringing me back to the moment with brutal force.
He groaned in pain and I glanced over, watching as clutched at his still bleeding head, muttering violent threats, moving to his feet so he was standing over top of me. The blood from his wound dripped from between his fingers, landing on me, the heat of it searing into my skin.
"You bitch. You worthless, used up whore. You did this" he yelled, pointing to the large, gaping gash that tore open his hairline.
"And now you're 'gonna have to pay for what you did, sweetheart – and this time I won't go so easy on you. Are you ready for me?"
He was panting and breathing heavily as he straddled me again,
more blood dripping from his cut onto my face, mixing with my tears to create a thin, viscous liquid.
But I pulled away, my thoughts returning to my love, my Edward. I held on to the image of him in my mind as though it was my life source. In a sense, it was. It was the very thing that held me together and kept me alive in this moment. I would stay here, in my mind, with thoughts of Edward to distract me from what was being done to my body.
Get up, my love. Fight. Don't let this happen. Don't let him hurt you this way.
I gasped as Edward's voice echoed through my mind, as clear and familiar as it would have been were he standing in front of me.
"What is it? You want it that badly?" His voice was a laugh, cold and abrupt, acidic as it washed over me.
"I will never want you," I ground out through clenched teeth, using whatever strength I had left to try and push against his chest – to throw his body off mine.
But my attempts to fight back were interrupted by his fist connecting with my face,
Again, again and again.
He would kill me this time.
I was sure of it.
This was where and how I would die.
If he didn't stop soon he would crack my skull open and then I'd be dead. I'd die right here, naked, bloody and bruised – discarded for Edward to find.
My vision was beginning to blur and a loud, sharp ringing sound was vibrating through my head, blocking out all other sound. My eyes grew heavy as they started to close, as I fought the urge to sleep, to allow myself to be absorbed into the darkness that was forming a brilliant halo around my vision.
But before the darkness could swallow me up I felt something fall onto my naked, battered body. My hands grasped what felt like the remainders of my clothing as I struggled to claw myself away from the darkness and back into consciousness.
"Get yourself dressed," he growled, though his words sounded muted and muffled to me I was still able to make out what he was commanding me to do. I watched with shaky vision as he paced back and forth, still clutching his bleeding face. I had no real invested interest in listening to his commands anymore, especially seeing as I would likely be dead soon, but the desire to be covered, to conceal the most private parts of myself overtook me.
With a great deal of effort and pain, I managed to dress, grunting and wincing in pain as I did.
And then I lay, in waiting.
Waiting for him to finish me off.
To end me.
To end this nightmare.
At this point I welcomed death.
I awaited it as though it was a long-adored friend, returning to carry me away into the gentle safety of the darkness that was slowly enveloping me.
But it didn't last because I was jolted from the darkness by the feeling of his fists pounding into my face again.
And I screamed.
I screamed because it hurt and because although I wanted an out, an exit and an escape from this brutality, some other, distant and unfamiliar part of me wanted to live.
So,
I screamed for help.
I screamed Edward's name.
My throat was burning, my head spinning, his fists connecting with me again and again and everything was becoming darker,
and darker,
and darker.
But I kept screaming, as loudly and as fiercely as I could.
I screamed until my screams were cut short and my mouth began filling with what I assumed was my own blood.
Then everything went black.
The darkness swallowed me whole.