Chapter 9 – Safe

BPOV

I opened my eyes only to be greeted by the most unbelievable thing in the world: Edward. I was laying in an soft, plush bed, a thick comforter weighting my body down. The room smelled again like cedar and burning wood, the familiar scents wrapping themselves around me. My brief moment of disorientation was quickly subsiding and I now understood where I was.

I was in Edward's home again, but not in his room this time. I was laying on what appeared to be a hospital bed, the back slightly elevated. I turned to glance around me, only to feel a tug of resistance pulling at my nose. I reached a wary hand up and felt plastic tubing wrapped around my ears with two plastic prongs sitting just inside my nostrils. It hurt. It wasn't unbearable, just annoying – more of a nuisance than anything else.

Then I noticed another tug of resistance, this time coming from my hand. An IV tube was buried into the pale, almost translucent flesh of my hand, and I followed the tubing until I saw the silver IV pole sitting next to the bed, three bags filled hanging off of it.

I shuddered as a cold breeze blew over me. The shiver tensed all of the muscles in my body which caused a rush of pain to wash over me. Everything hurt. Not just a simple, dull ache, either. But a glaring, obvious, overwhelming kind of pain that made my stomach feel queasy. I was sure that the pain was dulled by something, though. Or maybe I just wasn't conscious enough to fully register it. The sharpness was toned down, almost blunted.

Realization quickly dawned on me as my mind played over the scene of Carlisle clasping my hand in his own, the clear liquid filled needle being pushed into my arm, and then darkness following.

I was panicking… then Carlisle sedated me.

That explained the dullness of my pain.

And it was probably for the best, too. I couldn't imagine the agony I would be faced with if I wasn't coming out of sedation.

I was horrified. I frantically looked around me, my anxiety mounting. Edward was sitting next to the bed on a small stool, his eyes pulling at the corners, as he offered me a small, half-hearted smile. My needleless hand was resting in his. He surveyed me, his jaw set into a hard line.

And as if on cue, images of Paul's face flooded my mind, but they were incoherent and hard to understand. I couldn't place them. I knew what he'd been doing… but I didn't understand how that related to this moment… why was I here?

I gasped, horror coursing through me – I wanted to be anywhere but in my body. How had I gotten here? That part was foggy, and I couldn't remember it clearly. My memory was filled with muddy images, obscure and difficult to decipher.

"How…" I stopped when my voice rang in my ears. It was low and gruff, filled with exhaustion and strain.

Edward's eyes lit briefly as his tensed jaw loosened a bit, the sound of my voice obviously bringing him comfort.

"How did you get here?" Carlisle finished my question for me, stepping into my line of sight.

I tensed at the sight of him. If he was here… did that mean?

As though he could sense the panic building in me, Carlisle moved closer to my bedside, a small, hesitant smile on his face.

"Bella, try to relax. I've given you some morphine to help with the pain and you have a concussion – both of those things might make your memory foggy. That's to be expected."

I nodded, unable to say anything else.

"Love," Edward's strained voice started "Jasper and Emmett found you…" he trailed off, his eyes casting downward for a brief moment before he continued "do you remember that?"

I thought about it… did I remember that? I tried to search my mind, but the details were murky. It was as though a thick layer of grime was covering my memories, if I tried hard enough I could begin to pull back the layers of filth, but the process was so arduous and draining that I had to stop.

I shook my head once, Edward's face drawing down into a frown. I looked at him, trying to understand what was happening.

I sighed and pressed my head back into the soft pillow, mentally assessing my physical well-being. If I was here, in a hospital bed in the Cullen's home with a concussion and in need of morphine, things couldn't be looking so great for me right now.

An uncomfortable ache was humming throughout my entire body, even when I lay perfectly still. I started from my head, lightly tracing my fingertips across my scalp, and then over my face.

Despite the drugs, my head was throbbing and the room felt like it was spinning, though that sensation was minor. My face was sore, the skin of it felt like it was pulled tightly – too tightly – over my aching bones. I traced the contours of it, noting that it was very, very swollen with a gauze bandage covering what I was certain was a nasty gash. My hand fell to my dry, cracked lips. The skin was so taught it was difficult to smile.

My hand dropped lower again, resting on my neck and an uncomfortable sensation bubbled in my stomach when I realized that I wasn't wearing my turtleneck. Instead I was dressed in a plain blue, loose-fitting nightgown. I glanced at Edward, my eyes meeting his own in a sort of understanding.

His gaze softened as he squeezed my hand in his, his thumb gliding gently across my fingers.

"It's ok, love" he whispered so softly I'd barely heard the words. I sucked in a deep breath at the sight of the overwhelming sadness that rested in his face. He looked older than his frozen at 17 years old body would normally have me believe. Today, his eyes were a reflection of his true age.

My heart throbbed again, and my stomach was clenching and felt like it might disintegrate.

If Edward could see my neck, and the finger shaped bruises that covered it, did that mean he knew?

Tears welled in my eyes at the thought. A sudden need to leave – to run away – washed over me. This wasn't safe. They couldn't know. The unknown was beginning to overwhelm me. He could see my neck; he could see the bruises. What did he think had happened? A few cuts on my face and some indeterminate bruises were much easier to explain away that the deep, purplish bruises on my neck that were clearly left behind by someone else's hands.

And really, what had happened to land me here? How had I ended up here and why didn't I remember? I knew it was Paul… I knew he was behind this. But I couldn't conjure the memories well enough to figure out what he'd done this time.

My body felt worse than it ever had. He'd been brutal before, but never like this.

In a panic, I pulled my hand away from Edward's, grabbing at the tubes in my nose, yanking them out and throwing them off the bed. Carlisle caught the plastic tubing before it reached the ground and took a cautious step toward me.

But I continued my efforts, forcing my body upright but immediately regretting the decision when I was blinded by incredible pain that had me slamming back down onto the bed in agony.

Edward jumped up from his seat beside me, a low hiss escaping his mouth as hovered over me protectively. Carlisle's hand came to rest on his shoulder as he pushed him back down into the seat before rushing to my bedside.

Carlisle surveyed me for a long moment before speaking in a low, gentle tone.

"Bella, do you remember anything?" I looked around frantically, trying to right myself, trying to understand what had happened.

I shook my head, terrified at the murky haze that had overtaken my memories.

"That must be quite frightening," he started, moving around me with great caution. He pulled the wire tubing back around my ears, placing the two prongs back into my nose before I could protest.

My body was shaking, I realized. A low vibration rolling through me. I tried to stop, to tense my muscles, but the vibrations were uncontrollable and so much stronger than I was in this moment.

"I – I should go," I muttered, my throat stinging as I spoke. I watched as a knowing look crossed Edward's face and he cocked his head slightly to the left, Carlisle nodding in agreement.

"If that's what you'd like, I understand that, Bella. I'm working on it, I assure you. I know you're probably anxious to return home, to be amongst your own things…" Carlisle's voice trailed off, his eyes locked onto my face.

I gasped.

Charlie.

Edward's jaw tensed again, and he moved closer to my bedside, reaching his hand out in a gesture of support. I pulled my hand tighter to my chest, unable to face him.

"Charlie?" I groaned out.

"Don't worry about that now, love."

I shook my head. I needed to know.

"Esme's been keeping in touch with him. As far as he's concerned you took a terrible spill off the edge of a cliff near the Quileute lands. He was very eager to see you, he insisted that we allow him to come visit, but we've managed to keep him at bay by assuring him that you really need your rest, that you're safe and in great hands here." Carlisle moved across the room while speaking, his hands preparing something on a silver tray in the corner, just out of my sight.

"Is that…" I stuttered over the words, the pain in my throat growing worse with each word I spoke "is that what happened to me?"

Edward shook his head, confirming my fears.

"No."

My fingers grasped at the comforter that was covering my body.

"I don't remember," I whispered, my eyes avoiding Edward's.

"That's ok, love," the strain in his voice was wounding.

I could hear his pain – every facet and nuance of it.

It was so thick and consuming that I felt like it was clinging to me,

pulling me underwater,

filling my lungs,

suffocating me.

Carlisle returned to my bedside, his hand outstretched, two round, pills sitting in the palm of one hand and a glass of water in the other.

I looked at him, unsure.

"These are antibiotics. They will help prevent infection," he explained, dropping the pills into my hand.

I drank down the medicine, gagging and coughing when I tried to push the pills past my throat. It was an immense effort to swallow, it seemed and I couldn't understand why.

"There is some damage to your esophagus and vocal cords, Bella. You'll find speaking to be somewhat painful, as well as swallowing and eating."

I shut my eyes tightly, sighing and nodding.

Carlisle pulled a stool out from beneath a desk in the corner and sat next to me. He pulled his stethoscope from around his neck and held it in his outstretched hand.

"I want you to listen to your heart for me."

I looked at him, confusion spreading across my face.

"Trust me?" he begged, and I nodded, doubtful that I really had any choice at all.

He helped me fix the ear pieces in my ears and took the diaphragm, positioning it above my clothes exactly where my heart was situated, beneath my ribs.

I listened, still uncertain, but willing to go along with whatever it was Carlisle was trying to do. It wasn't as though I could wind up any more confused than I already was.

I heard a dull, rhythmic, thumping sound.

"That," Carlisle said, pulling the stethoscope from my ears and wrapping it around his neck in one swift motion "is your heartbeat, Bella… your heart is such an important and vital part of being human, of being alive. Vampire hearts no longer beat, not needing to circulate blood throughout our bodies, and we can hear your heart beat with our ears alone. A stethoscope is usually quite unnecessary for vampires because our hearing is so proficient." I nodded, intrigued. Where was he going with this?

"When Jasper and Emmett found you in the forest on the Quileute lands, your heartbeat was so weak, so precarious that they thought they would lose you on the drive to the hospital…" I blanched at his words, my eyes welling up with tears – partly because I couldn't remember what had happened to me, but mostly because I knew now that he knew, or had some idea, at least.

And I also knew that despite not fully remembering what had happened to leave me so horribly battered, it was further confirmation that it was him. Paul.

The tears kept falling, like a rising crescendo they built up inside of me, pouring out of me in an uncontrollable way.

"It is so very important that we know who did this to you. If we don't know who did this, or what happened, we can't protect you, Bella. We want nothing more than to keep you safe."

I shook my head, clinging to my refusal as though it would keep the truth at bay.

"I don't remember," I choked out.

"We know, love." Edward sounded awful. His voice was tight, and his body was completely rigid though I knew he was trying to appear composed. For me.

"Of course we know that you're having trouble recalling the events that transpired most recently," Carlisle agreed "but I don't believe this was the first incident."

I shook my head, trying to show how fiercely I disagreed with his assessment. They still didn't know exactly what had happened, or who had done it. They were operating on assumptions at this point, and I was not about to confirm any of their suspicions. As it was, I knew they were likely all in danger, but I couldn't put them at even greater risk by directly involving them in this.

Lying would protect them, I just had to find a convincing way to do it.

I shrank in the bed when I noticed Edward and Carlisle appraising me reservedly. Their eyes found my face and remained there, dissecting every muscle twitch and grimace as though the answers were buried somewhere in my face.

I reached up and traced a finger along my aching jawbone - I suppose the answers could be found in my face… and my neck, and everywhere else on my body.

My stomach churned at the thought, the blurriness creeping into the corners of my vision as my head began to throb more painfully. Before I could contain it, I was crying out in anguish as I leaned over the side of the bed, vomiting into the wastebasket that Edward was holding out for me.

Edward's cool hand came to rest across the back of my neck as his free hand tied my hair at the base of my neck. I wanted to refuse his help, to save him the hassle of having to be near me in this moment, but I couldn't summon the energy to shoo him away.

They waited for my retching to stop and then Carlisle held me by the shoulders, slowly positioning my body back onto the bed and resting me against several pillows. It was painful but I bit back the sobs, not wanting to draw any more attention to myself than I already had.

Carlisle sighed as he swiped a hand across his furrowed brow.

"I'm sorry that's so painful for you, Bella."

"I'm fine…" I assured him. But he looked unconvinced.

"I know this won't be easy for you to hear, but it's important nonetheless. While you were unconscious, I had to examine you to make sure you didn't have any internal injuries or any other injuries that needed my attention."

I felt the bile rising in my throat again, but I managed to supress the urge to vomit. I glanced away from them, sinking further down into the bed, my eyes locked on my hands that were sitting clasped atop the covers.

"I only examined what would be visible to me were you wearing a swim top and pants. I would never invade your privacy by examining you anywhere else unless I felt it was the difference between life and death. Unfortunately, I felt it was necessary to physically examine the rest of you, particularly your abdomen as I was concerned that you could have internal bleeding or more extensive injuries." I cringed away from Carlisle. All of my fears were absolutely confirmed. I glanced at Edward, my eyes darting away when his own found my face.

As if in answer to my silent question Carlisle spoke "Edward wasn't present, Bella – if that's what you're wondering?" I remained completely motionless, not confirming nor denying Carlisle's suggestion. I remained still while Edward and Carlisle regarded me, their eyes searching my face again.

"Bella, you have three fractured ribs, a broken nose and damage to your vocal cords and esophagus, likely from being choked. The wound on your face was so extensive and serious that it required many stitches and you lost a great deal of blood on the ride to the hospital with Jasper and Emmett."

All of the air was suddenly sucked from the room. I inhaled sharply, but felt completely breathless despite my efforts to breath. I felt winded – totally caught off guard and completely unprepared to face this barrage of questions.

I needed to explain this away – and fast.

"I – I must have fallen, like you told Charlie" I muttered, my voice straining against the pain.

"Bella, a fall wouldn't have caused these kinds of injuries," Edward sighed, suppressing what I thought sounded like a growl. I glanced up at him, noting the sadness and disappointment in his eyes, taking in all of his features, carefully calibrating a new image of his perfection in my mind.

I would need it.

"I'd like to leave, Carlisle," I whispered, attempting to sound sure of myself, but unable to muster anything more than a soft utterance because of the ache.

"No," Edward said simply, standing to his feet as he began to pace the length of the room. The sureness of his reply startled me. He was determined to do what he thought would keep me safe, but I was equally as determined to do the same.

I would keep him safe.

I would keep them all safe.

"Edward is right. That isn't a good idea. You're badly injured, and you need consistent monitoring. You have a concussion that needs to be monitored day and night and you're fresh from receiving a blood transfusion. It would be catastrophically unsafe for you to leave now."

"I don't care," I said, biting at my bottom lip but regretting it immediately when fresh blood began to brim at the barely-healed cut on my lip. I sucked the blood into my mouth, despite the revolting taste.

"You can't leave," Edward roared, his eyes wide and wild. I tensed, my body rigid at the sound of his raised voice. I could sense that he immediately regretted his outburst.

"I'm sorry," he offered, sitting down next to me and pulling my hand into his own. He turned to face Carlisle, still grasping my hand.

"Can you give us a moment please, Carlisle?" he asked, his voice whisper soft. Carlisle nodded and walked from the room, pulling the door shut behind him.

I braced myself, preparing for an onslaught of questions. But they never came. Edward held my hand in his, and his eyes were locked on to my face. He stayed like that for a very long time, surveying me carefully, his eyes gentle and tender.

I wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, to stroke his picture-perfect face and feel his perfectly smooth skin in the palm of my hand.

But I couldn't move. I was frozen in place, still confused, still in shock and still overwhelmed.

Edward moved, very slowly, from his chair and onto my bed, positioning his body next to mine. I stiffened and I could see him mirror my action as a response. He remained unmoving for a moment, perhaps allowing me time to adjust to his physical presence.

Seconds later he was moving again, pressing his body against my own. His arm came to rest, very gently, across my back and he cautiously pulled me against him.

I couldn't fight it. Every part of me, all of the aching inches of my body, curled into Edward as I groaned in pain. He pulled my head onto his chest, his arms wrapping around my body as though to shield me from any harm.

I inhaled, pushing all other thoughts out of my head and focusing only on the feeling of being in Edward's arms, the feeling of being safe.

EPOV

She had fallen asleep in my arms in a matter of seconds. A side effect of the morphine, no doubt, was tiredness. It didn't help that she was incredibly weak and still very fragile.

The conversation with Carlisle was going nowhere, and I could sense it from the onset. I knew Bella well – well enough to know that when she had decided upon something it was almost impossible to deter her from the course she set for herself. And she had decided that shielding us from the truth was more important than preserving her own safety. It would take a lot more than a frank conversation to convince her otherwise.

Carlisle had done perfectly well. We had agreed beforehand that the best approach would be total honesty, to hold nothing back and hope that concern for her own well-being would convince her to share what had happened.

It hadn't worked. Not even close. Bella remained as tightly closed off as ever, almost as though her determination to hide the truth had been renewed as a result of Carlisle's efforts.

It seemed there was nothing left to do, but to hold her.

Small tremors had been pulsing through her throughout the entire conversation with Carlisle. Her small, bruised hands couldn't remain still, not even for a moment. Her face was badly battered, and it looked worse and even more tender today than it had yesterday. Now that she was awake, the animations of her body only served to further amplify the severity of her injuries.

She couldn't keep food down and her ability to talk was seriously dampened by the damage to her vocal cords. All attempts to coax her into honesty were backfiring and I could see her erecting even higher walls to keep us at bay.

And so I held her, in my arms. I needed her to feel safe, I needed her to feel like she would be OK, like I could offer her that reprieve. I wanted her to relax, I didn't want her to feel like she had been backed into a corner by everyone she trusted. She needed to know that I would protect her, that I was here now and I wouldn't allow her to be harmed ever again.

Bella was tossing in her sleep and a light sheen of sweat was beginning to accumulate on her brow. Her eyes, swollen and puffy from the damage he did to her face, were shut tightly, the swelling nearly swallowing them whole on her small, delicate face.

Her tiny hands gripped the covers. It was a slow progression, a painfully long ordeal that she was suffering through. Her nightmares would rise and fall, pushing her in and out of restful sleep. I let her rest, knowing that startling her out of a nightmare might cause more confusion and panic. But it was difficult – knowing she might be reliving these unthinkable horrors, that she had no escape from this darkness, even in her slumber.

As the night wore on Carlisle stopped in periodically to check her vitals and assess her overall well-being. Each time he came – which was hourly on the dot, I could see the anxiety building higher and higher. I sensed the urgency, and I understood it, but I couldn't wake Bella; I couldn't force her to face this anymore than I could force myself to face it. At least here, asleep in my arms, she wasn't protesting, plotting her escape or overwhelmed by the reality of what was happening around her.

I heard Alice approaching the door before she even knocked. Her usually light and fluttery steps were different now, somehow heavier and less weightless. I presumed we all felt similarly, the reality of these past few months settling deep into our psyche as each second ticked past. Our minds were capable of processing information at unparalleled rates, and this was no exception. What would have taken anyone else days to piece together, we were able to understand in mere minutes. I knew that there would be much discussion amongst my family about the possibilities of what could have happened to Bella, about the parts we still didn't know clearly. I caught the odd thought from each of them, but the loudest and most difficult to turn off were Jasper's. He was planning our retaliation, organizing a hunting party – thinking of ways to align ourselves with the wolves in order to find Paul and bring him to justice.

For the most part, I had to block him out. His thoughts triggered the deep rage inside of me that I was desperately trying to keep in check. Alice had attempted several times to distract him, to encourage him to hunt, to get him out of the house. But he refused.

"Come in, Alice." I heard her pacing in front of the door. She opened the door and revealed a much more worn and haggard version of herself than I was used to seeing. It was startling.

"Alice?" I shifted, ever so slightly in the bed, worried that some imminent danger was approaching.

"I can't see her," she complained, her hands tugging at the ends of her jet black hair.

"I know. I've been listening to your thoughts to see if you've caught any clues."

"I don't understand, Edward. Why can't I see her? He isn't here right now. He's not with her. Why is she still shrouded in their haze?"

Alice sat swiftly in the chair across from me, the one Carlisle had sat in earlier today when he was questioning Bella.

"I don't know. Did you speak with Carlisle?"

I knew the answer but figured the rest of my family would be listening in and would benefit from the conversation being had aloud.

"Yes. He doesn't have any theories. It doesn't make any sense. I couldn't see anything when Jacob was here. But that made sense. He was here, right in front of us. But now… I can't see Bella."

"But you can see me?"

"Yes. Which is why I'm here. I think Bella will wake up soon, and I think she'll need my help."

I quickly scanned Alice's thoughts and nodded in agreement.

I saw a short, clipped picture of me, leaving the room, pulling the door shut behind me. I could hear Bella's voice, but I couldn't see her. Again, it was a vision of my future, not of Bella's.

As if on cue, Bella stirred, more abruptly this time.

"No." The sound was so ragged and clipped, it sounded as though she was being cut off prematurely, physically unable to finish.

"No, no, no. Edward."

Bella stirred again, clutching against the sheets as her nightmare-fuelled panic continued to build. I rested a single hand against her cheek, my eyes glued to her anguished face.

"Pa- Paul. NO!"

Her breathing was growing more and more laboured as the nightmare continued on. I heard Alice shift uncomfortably in the corner, pushing herself back against the wall as much as she could.

Bella's eyes flew open, terror evident in every movement of her body.

"Bella, it's me, love. It's Edward," I cooed softly, pressing my hands against her own. Her head snapped in my direction as she stared in my eyes, confusion spread across her face.

"Ed – Edward?" Her voice was so strained, more than it had been earlier today.

"Yes love, it's me. And Alice is here, too."

"Alice?" Belle croaked, her eyes scanning the room before falling on Alice's small frame tucked away in the corner.

"I'm here," Alice said softly, coming to Bella's bedside.

"You're safe," I assured her. Bella's head sunk back into the pillow, tears welling in the corners of her eyes. Alice sat on the foot of the bed, waiting for what would come next.

We sat this way for a very long time. Alice and Bella were completely still and my thumb lightly caressed Bella's unusually cold hand.

"I…" Bella started, tears now pouring down her face "I have to use the bathroom," she finished, sighing.

"Would you like my help, love?" I asked, realizing she would likely say no, but offering nonetheless.

Bella's response was almost immediate "No!" she thought for a moment before continuing "Alice?"

Alice moved to Bella's side.

"I'll leave you to it, then. I won't be far. Just downstairs, ok?" Bella's eyes cast downwards as she brushed her hand across her face, swiping at the freshly fallen tears. She nodded.

And as much as it pained me, I left her side, and walked out of the room, pulling the door shut behind me. I made a concerted effort to avoid listening, but it was difficult. I was so attuned to every movement and sound Bella made. The sounds of her body living and breathing were like a lifeline to me.

I found my family convened in the kitchen of our home, grim looks had befallen each of their faces as they sat in complete muteness and stillness.

My presence caused them to shift marginally, each of them glancing toward me as if waiting for me to speak. I surveyed each of them, noting their tired and worn looks, signifying that they were likely hungry and in need of a hunt. I knew the next few days would be tremendously difficult, with having to care for Bella and track Paul. We needed to keep our strength up.

"The rest of you need to hunt," I said curtly, resting against the countertop. Esme's eyes met my own and her thoughts were filled with overwhelming sadness.

"I don't think any of us wants to leave, Edward," Esme explained, crossing the kitchen to stand next to me.

"What we want doesn't matter right now. We need to keep up our strength."

"That's true of you as well, son," Carlisle said, running a hand idly through his platinum blonde hair.

"I'm not leaving her side." My voice was filled with unwavering resolution.

"You're coming out of months of not feeding, months of starvation. One measly meal a few days ago isn't enough to sustain you. The rest of us have fed recently enough that we can manage. We've gone months before without hunting when the need has arisen," Carlisle quipped.

"No. I'm not leaving."

I watched as Esme's body tensed next to mine. She inched closer to me before reaching down and taking my hand that had been resting on the counter in her own, turning my body to face hers. Her free hand gently pushed the hair that had been resting on my face behind my ears. The gesture was so motherly and tender that it was almost painful.

Her eyes found mine, though I intentionally averted her gaze.

"Edward…" she trailed off, continuing the conversation through her thoughts.

I can't imagine how painful this must be for you. I love Bella as though she were my own child and this is heart-shattering for me. I know your love for her is unparalleled.

I nodded, agreeing. This pain was tremendous.

Look at me, son. Her gentle hand cupped my cheek as she softly pushed my face forward, so my eyes were locked on her own.

I felt a sob roll through my body, though it didn't come out as it would for a human. It was trapped in my chest, sitting heavily there, unable to break the surface.

Suddenly Esme's body was wrapped around my own as she pulled me into her arms. I resisted for a moment, my guilt and shame winning out over my need for comfort and compassion. But I was powerless to resist. Sitting with these feelings was destructive and consuming. Esme's embrace was the solvent that was effectively wearing away at my walls.

I crumbled into her arms before I could stop myself. I vaguely heard the sounds of chairs scraping against the marble tile floor, and noted the absence of Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper ascertaining from their thoughts that their departure was an effort to give us some privacy.

It wasn't long before I felt a firmer squeeze – Carlisle and Esme were both holding me, their thoughts filled with soft encouragement and commiseration.

We'll get her through this, Edward.

We'll make sure she's ok.

We'll take care of her...

That must have been my threshold because the suggestion that we would take care of Bella caused all of my muscles to recoil, my entire body stiffening against theirs as I pulled myself away abruptly.

"I'm the reason this happened," I growled, pushing away from Carlisle and Esme.

"We'll take care of her now? Now that I've left her here to endure god knows what!" I was speaking louder than I had intended, as noted by Esme's anxious glance toward the stairway.

I hope she can't hear this… Esme thought, her worried eyes trying to find mine.

"You aren't responsible for the actions of another," Carlisle insisted.

"No? Do you think this would have happened if I were here? If I hadn't left her basically for dead?"

"It does no good to dwell on what ifs, Edward. The point is Bella is here with us now, and she needs us. And we don't know if our being here would have prevented anything, son. You know that. The future is subjective; it isn't as linear as you're imagining it. If you'd stayed something else might have happened – who knows?"

I had meant to respond, to continue arguing – to insist that I was the guilty party here but my words were cut short by the sound of a strained, low shriek.

In seconds I was flying up the stairs and back into Bella's room. The bathroom door was still closed, and I could hear the sound of gasps and anxious cries.

"Alice?!" I called out, standing just outside the door. I could hear Alice shuffling, and then the tap turning on as Bella sobbed in the background.

"We're fine," Alice replied softly.

"I heard Bella yell…" I explained through the door, desperate to know what was happening.

I searched Alice's mind but she was doing a fantastic job of shutting me out. Brief glimpses weren't enough to properly decipher what was happening, or what had made Bella cry out like that.

I turned to Carlisle, who had followed right behind me when we'd heard Bella's cry. My silent stare was question enough for him as he answered me aloud.

"I think she's a great deal of pain…" he suggested, moving toward the corner of the room as he began rifling through a tray of medicine syringes and vials. He was preparing something as I sat on the stool next to Bella's bed, patiently awaiting her emergence from the restroom.

It took longer than I expected and from what I could tell, Carlisle was right. Bella was in more pain now that she had been earlier. Most movements, it seemed, were causing her to bite back whimpers of pain. Carlisle was preparing another dose of morphine, figuring that the last dose had worn off enough for her to be experiencing the full extent of her injuries. I cringed at the thought, knowing she must be in agony.

Several minutes later Bella emerged from the restroom, her hand that didn't have an IV line in it was tangled in Alice's arm as she rested most of her weight on Alice while she walked. She was limping quite noticeably and her face was contorted in pain.

I rushed to her side, pulling the IV pole along behind her, offering my arm for her to rest on. I could see her hesitation, but the pain she was feeling won out and she accepted my help. Her small arm wrapped around mine, and I noticed the small tremors that were rolling through her body. My eyes met Carlisle's briefly in question.

His brow furrowed as he slowly walked toward us, a syringe in one hand and two small, round, pills in the other.

The tremors are her body's reaction to the physical trauma. She's in a great deal of pain…

I nodded so that only Carlisle could see it, focusing again on helping Bella back into the bed.

"I'm fine like this," she said quietly, rubbing a hand against her swollen and bruised neck. She was sitting on the edge of the bed with her legs dangling over the side.

Carlisle moved to her side and put the oxygen back over her ears gently pressing the prongs into her nostrils.

"I have another dose of morphine here Bella. I know you're in a lot of pain, and I think this will help."

BPOV

Carlisle was right, the morphine would probably help, but to be honest, I was terrified of taking it. It brought immense relief, but it also brought a terrible haze that left me unable to think clearly let alone string together a coherent sentence. But more than my terror I was in pain. The kind of pain that is almost unbearable – the kind of pain that makes your entire body seize up with the severity of it. I could feel my resolve weakening; I could feel myself caving away under the sharp pain that was radiating all around my midsection. The larger cut on my face was hot and pulsing, pain rushing in and out with each slight movement I made.

And I was growing more and more concerned about the only injury not yet attended to. The painful, deeply burning ache between my legs. Every time I moved I could feel blood seeping out of me… down there.

I was terrified of it – I didn't understand what was happening and I knew something was wrong. I could feel something was wrong.

As much as remembering was difficult, and what had happened was unclear, the horrendous pain between my legs was a really good indication of what might have happened…

I hadn't wanted Alice's help to the restroom, but I'd had no choice. I needed to pee so badly, and there was no way I would make it to the washroom by myself in time. The possibility of wetting myself in front of everyone was more daunting than having Alice help me into the restroom. At first I'd figured I'd only need her to walk me inside, that I could maneuver myself, my IVs and IV pole once I was inside and alone.

But I couldn't. My knees were shaking so forcefully that I could barely take a step without feeling like they would give way. My midsection was in agony, and even the slightest movement felt impossible and overwhelming. Moving from standing to sitting left me completely winded.

There was no way I'd be able to do it on my own. Which wouldn't have been so devastating…

But I wasn't prepared for what I would be faced with when Alice helped me out of my pants.

Neither of us were.

I watched now as Alice anxiously buzzed in the corner, like a low-frequency humming that wouldn't rest. Her face was stricken by shock. It was the same look she'd worn in the bathroom after she helped me out of my pants. I studied her carefully as I watched her glance in Edward's direction. A moment later Edward's head cocked in her direction, and I knew they were carrying on a silent conversation.

"Alice!" Her eyes shot in my direction, panic etched into her face. "You promised," I groaned. She nodded once in my direction before bowing her head, her eyes trained on the floor.

Edward looked at Alice in frustration, his eyes meeting mine a moment later with a sudden softness.

"Bella…" he started, running a hand through his tousled hair "please don't feel as though you need to keep things from me. It's important Carlisle and I know what's happening so we can properly help you."

"There's nothing to say… I'm fine," I insisted.

"Bella, please," Edward begged.

"What Edward is trying to say is that allowing us to be part of what's happening to you, medically, doesn't mean you have to disclose anything you're uncomfortable having us know. We can take all the necessary precautions without detailing everything that happened to you."

I thought about Carlisle's words for a second, intrigued.

It was an appealing thought… being able to investigate what was happening without any of the implications to contend with.

But it wasn't long before the thought evaporated before my very eyes.

Of course, it would be confirmation of exactly what I was trying to hide. Of course, it gave them a much fuller, clearer picture. Asking for that kind of an exam was only useful here in one case. And I wasn't willing to admit that it was a necessity, not if it meant admitting what happened by default.

"I know this is difficult," Carlisle offered, his eyes softening as he came to stand next to me "but it's so incredibly important that you allow me to complete my examination. I can't help you heal properly unless I know exactly what you need to begin the healing process."

I was hit with an overwhelming wave of shock at the suggestion – at the implication. Was Carlisle suggesting he knew what happened? Or suspected it, at least?

When Alice had crouched down in the washroom to help pull my pants free from my legs she'd managed to contain her gasp, though I saw her body stiffen quite noticeably. I was confused at first, but them my eyes fell onto my own legs and her shock was well-explained.

I quietly brushed it off, pretending as though it had never happened until her eyes met mine and then I raised my index finger to my lips in a gesture that suggested silence as I mouthed "promise me?"

Alice stopped moving for a minute, her eyes locked on my own as she searched them. Seconds later she nodded and relief flooded over me.

"Bella?" Carlisle questioned, bringing me back to the present. "We can do it right here; we wouldn't even need to leave our home."

"I'm fine. I don't need it. I'm ok." I stumbled over the words, dumbstruck and unable to find an effective way to change the subject.

"You're not fine, Bella," Alice whispered, pushing away from the wall as she came to stand on the opposite side of my bed.

"Stop it, Alice."

"I can't. I'm worried. You're hurt, Bella. Maybe even badly hurt. You don't need to tell us what happened, but you need to let us help you."

I felt the beginnings of tears stinging at my eyes and my hands flew up to cover my face, shame washing over me in overwhelming, indescribable waves.

"I know this is difficult, but I will be as brief as possible."

"You?" I questioned, the realization of this all suddenly dawning on me.

"Unfortunately, our need for discretion means that I can't involve any of my colleagues in this. The only qualified people here that can perform the necessary exam are myself and… Edward." Edward stiffened on the stool next to me, his body completely motionless.

"No."

"No?" Carlisle questioned, unsure of what I was saying no to.

"Not Edward."

I exhaled sharply, giving myself one last chance to back out of this – one last chance to change my mind.

I thought over the possibilities, mentally making a pros and cons list in my mind.

Con: they would know.

Pro: I wouldn't have to drown in the depths of my anxiety, terrified that something was irreparably wrong. I would know.

Con: I would know. Did I want to know?

Pro: …

Con: Edward would know.

Pro: …

Con: They would know.

I exhaled slowly, trying to pluck up the courage to do what needed to be done.

I was brave, right?

I could be brave, right?

I would be brave.

A/N: This was a long one! I hope it helped propel the story forward for you a bit more. A few of you have left reviews - which is great, I love hearing your thoughts. I'll be responding to each of them as soon as possible.

A lot of this story kind of drifts out of me - it's almost as though the characters are writing it themselves. It's a good thing, but also a hard thing because it sometimes means that things move at a very different pace than I'd ideally like. This story is a slow build, and I know that can be frustrating. But stick with me - I promise it'll be worth it!

-missmarlee