Chapter 12 - Damaged

EPOV

The storm that had been brewing outside was finally unleashing its wrath, and the whirring sound of the wind being trapped between the window panes caused Bella to stir in my arms.

Hours had passed and she was still wide awake. Her tears had stopped but she lay wordlessly in my arms, staring up at the ceiling, her eyes glued to the motion of the ceiling fan just above her. She watched it spin in circles, her eyes fixed as though she were in a trance.

I could sense that the morphine she'd had earlier was beginning to wear off because she was shifting uncomfortably and wincing in pain with even the slightest shift of position. The distinct smell of morphine as it mixed with her blood was the most apparent sign, though. The caustic smell was beginning to fade, and the pure, rich and intoxicating aroma of her blood was beginning to permeate my senses unchanged once again.

She had cried in my arms for hours, oscillating between states of fear, shame, guilt and desolation. I could sense the shifts in her mood without needing to read her thoughts because they were so clearly manifested in her physical presence.

Her shame caused her to shrink, withdrawing from me and pulling herself into a fetal position well away from my proximity. When that emotion had passed over her, she returned to a state of terror, likely overwhelmed by whatever horrors she was reliving that were contained within her well-guarded mind. Her terror was a desperate, needful thing where her whole body would be tensed as she pressed herself against me.

There was nothing to do but to hold her, to allow her to wade through the expanse of her own grief in her own way and in her own time. I knew that I understood barely a fraction of what her mind contained – it was a more profound pain that I could ever understand.

Time continued to drag us into it's murky depths, and with each passing second it was becoming more apparent that her physical pain was becoming intolerable.

"Love, you're in pain, aren't you?" I asked, speaking for the first time in hours. Bella remained unmoving in my arms, still fixated on the ceiling.

She nodded once.

"I'm going to call for Carlisle, ok?"

"Ok," she croaked out, her hand coming to rest on her throat as though to try and soothe the pain speaking had caused her.

He was in the room in seconds, obviously having overheard our conversation.

He stood silently, expectantly, in the doorway.

"Bella's in pain," I explained.

"Of course," he said, walking into the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Are you ok with another dose right now, Bella?"

She nodded.

"I think it's best if you spend some time with the oxygen mask for a while after I give you the morphine. The morphine will suppress your respirations slightly, and knowing what we know now I think it would be wise to make sure you're well oxygenated."

Bella nodded again.

Carlisle pushed the syringe into her IV line and Bella's relief was immediately noticeable. Her tensed shoulders relaxed, and her brow, which had been furrowed, unfolded.

I helped her slip the oxygen mask over her mouth and nose and gently rested her back against the plush pillows of the bed, pulling the covers over her body in one swift motion.

And as if on cue, her breathing slowed, her heart rate dropped and her eyes slowly shut, sleep overtaking her.

"Our window of opportunity is closing, Edward. It's been two days since the assault and the emergency contraception is only effective for up to 72 hours…"

"I know," I muttered, pressing against the agony that was slowly building inside of me. "What am I supposed to do? She crumbles every time I mention anything related to what happened, and I don't want to push her further away from me than she already is."

"This probably won't be the most popular suggestion… but can't you give it to her without her knowing?"

Carlisle and I gaped at Emmett in awe.

"Emmett, that's horrendously unethical," Carlisle explained, "Bella deserves to be in charge of her body – we cannot drug her without telling her."

"But isn't it better than…"

"It doesn't matter what we think is better or worse. What matters is that Bella having autonomy over her own body is an essential component of her healing."

"But she's refusing to even acknowledge it happened!" Alice shrieked, her tiny hands flying up into the air in frustration.

"And that is her right…" Esme whispered, staring off into the distance, a forlorn look adorning her features.

"So do we just allow her to go on like this forever?" Jasper questioned, standing next to Alice against the window as the moonlight filtering in through the window illuminated their frames. The moon was full tonight, but it's magnificence and grandeur was all but forgotten in the midst of the chaos happening inside of our home.

We were all worn.

Bella was unable to sleep peacefully and woke often. Carlisle had lowered her morphine dose yet again, as per her request. She complained of feeling disoriented and confused on the higher dose and it was unnerving for her. But without the medication her pain prevented her from sleeping restfully.

And when she did manage to sleep… she'd scream in agony at the terror she was experiencing through her dreams. She would startle herself awake, absolutely petrified, frantically scanning the room for some sign of him.

I refused to leave her side, save for a few brief moments on occasion to connect with my family and receive updates about the whereabouts of Paul. Apparently, the pack, Jasper and Emmett had traced his scent all the way to the border. They didn't bother to move beyond that, figuring that, though highly unlikely, it could be diversion. It made more sense for our numbers to stick close to home so we could protect Bella properly.

"When was the last time you tried mentioning it?" Jasper questioned.

"This morning…" I said stiffly, my mind recalling the interaction. Everyone in the room with the exception of Jasper and Emmett became rigid, recalling the events of this morning. Jasper looked to Alice in confusion, expecting an explanation of what had transpired.

"You missed it…" Alice said softly, overcome with deep sadness.

"Missed what?" Emmett questioned.

"You were out patrolling with Jasper when Edward tried to broach the subject with Bella again. She became hysterical, launched into a full on panic attack and blacked out," Alice ran a hand through her hair, closing her eyes as though to will away the memory.

"She blacked out?!"

"Yes, and she vomited up her breakfast from that morning, too."

Silence filled the room and I took advantage of it to listen for Bella's sleeping form upstairs in the bedroom. She sounded peaceful, for the moment. I always listened in, returning if I heard her heart rate increase or her breathing deepen – signaling the onset of another nightmare.

"What do we do? How much longer can she go on without eating?" Esme asked, her voice distant and hollow.

"We can't," Carlisle sighed "I'm afraid we might have to consider a feeding tube, Edward." I spun to face him, the quiet anger stirring inside of me again.

"Absolutely not," I growled. We couldn't put Bella through anything else. She couldn't withstand it.

"What else do you suggest, son? She can't go on much longer like this…"

We could change her…

Jasper's thought reverberated through my mind, and a loud roar erupted from my body.

I turned to face him, my teeth bared.

"NO!"

Emmett ran to my side, his hand clamping down on my shoulder, pressing me firmly in place, just in case my primal instincts won out over my ability to see the situation logically and reasonably.

"Calm down, Edward!" Carlisle implored.

"What's going on, Jasper?" Esme questioned, looking horrified.

"I thought about the possibility of changing her," he explained "it was just a thought!" he raised his outstretched hands in a show of surrender and his disengagement allowed me a moment of clarity – Jasper meant no harm.

"We aren't changing her. Not now. Not like this. Maybe not ever." I ground out from between my tightly clenched teeth.

"I agree," Carlisle said, "not like this."

"Not ever," I reiterated, my words ringing with finality.

"This discussion is pointless. We need to focus on tangible ways to help Bella," Carlisle paused, attempting to reel the conversation back into the realm of things that were helpful. He idly rolled through his mind for a moment before turning to face Alice.

"Has there been any change?" Alice's eyes cast downwards and her jaw tensed.

"Nothing…" she replied.

"I can't understand what is preventing you from seeing Bella's future. This was never an issue before. The wolves are far enough out on the perimeter that they shouldn't be impacting your ability to see," Carlisle had been pacing but he stopped dead in his tracks, mid-thought and his stream of consciousness quickly became indecipherable to me.

He was purposely evading me.

"Oh…" he said darkly, realization dawning on him.

I searched his thoughts, but he resisted again, forcing me out.

"What is it?" I questioned angrily.

"Edward…" Carlisle started but he couldn't finish. His eyes met mine as he continued the thought from within his mind. He was non-verbally pleading with me to remain calm.

Paul isn't here now, but part of him remains… inside of Bella.

I had been pacing, but Carlisle's words forced me to stop dead in my tracks. I allowed his words to implant themselves into my mind, and I reasoned through every possible iteration of what Carlisle was trying to cryptically convey. I knew what he meant. From the moment he opened his thoughts up to me I knew what he meant, but I was trying to find some reason to discount his words.

But there was no discounting it. He was right.

The realization caused an involuntary roar to rip through my chest, flooding the entire proximity.

I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't contain it. I was outside in seconds.

And then I ran.

BPOV

I was weaving in and out of sleep, unable to maintain long stretches of consciousness before falling back into a deep sleep.

When I awakened, it took me a few moments to right myself – to understand where I was again. I absently rubbed at my tired eyes and cringed when the action proved to be startlingly painful.

I automatically scanned the room, searching for Edward but he was nowhere to be found. The realization caused my panic to spike a bit – Edward had become my lifeline over the past few days. I felt the most grounded and the safest with him around. When he disappeared from my line of sight it was as though it was open season on me – I felt like Paul could return at any second and take me.

When Edward was with me I felt inexplicably safe. Untouchable, almost.

A soft knock on the door startled me until I heard Alice's voice from behind it.

"It's just me and Carlisle, Bella!" She chimed. I immediately began to worry. Where was Edward? Why wasn't he here? Was he out somewhere, alone? Didn't he know that wasn't safe? Didn't he know what could happen?

The door pushed open, revealing a very perky-looking Alice with Carlisle following close behind her.

"We just came to bring you breakfast!" Alice pushed a bowl of porridge in front of me, smiling brightly.

Carlisle set a cup of tea next to the bowl and pulled out my yellow file.

"Do you want me to check you now or wait until you've eaten?"

"Now is fine."

"Where's Edward?" I asked as Carlisle checked my vitals.

"He's hunting nearby; he should be home shortly." The thought of Edward, alone, vulnerable… my panic was beginning to rise.

"He's ok, Bella. I promise you that," Carlisle assured me, no doubt in response to hearing my heart rate pique. He finished his work and jotted down a few notes before closing my file folder and pushing it off to the side.

"Things look fine, but I think the healing process could be helped if you were getting more food into your system and keeping it down."

"I'm trying," I offered, picking up the spoon and taking a small bite.

"I know it's difficult, Bella." He nodded my way, his eyes filled with empathy.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," I responded automatically, not actually answering his question but providing the first knee-jerk response that came to mind. Carlisle smiled knowingly, though his eyes were etched with concern.

"How is your pain today?"

I mentally assessed my body, taking note of where things hurt the most. My head was sore, and I had a throbbing headache but it was manageable. My ribs were aching and burning, but not any more than usual. My left cheekbone was throbbing, but again, no more than usual. There was a lot of pain and discomfort between my legs, maybe more than there should have been but I was unwilling to bring it up with Carlisle. I felt a bit hazy, and periodically, if I moved to suddenly, the room would begin to spin around me.

Mostly I was overwhelmed by the sensation of weakness. Every movement felt like it was a significant effort.

"It's ok. Same as yesterday," I lied, not wanting to mention that I felt weaker today than I had yesterday.

Carlisle glanced at me, a knowing look on his face but he nodded anyway.

"Ready to go to the washroom?" Alice asked. She had been the one to help me to the bathroom every time I needed to go. She walked me in, helped me sit down and then turned to give me privacy. It was hard, but it was the only workable solution.

"Yes," I nodded, hesitating to ask my next question. "If it's possible… I'd like to – uhm… I'd like to shower…" I explained.

Carlisle had been lowering the dose of my morphine and a consequence of that was that I was clearer than I had been in days.

And now I wanted nothing more than to clean myself. To rid myself of him. I felt like there was a thick layer of grime covering my entire body – covering everywhere he had touched. The urgency to shower had piqued last night, but I'd been way too physically exhausted to even attempt it.

I'd even gone as far as insisting Edward didn't lay next to me last night, knowing that the smell of wolf was probably all over me. I was sure it made him sick.

"Carlisle, what do you think?" Alice asked as I took another spoonful of porridge.

"That would be fine, Bella. Though you'll have to be careful, you're not very steady on your feet which increases your risk of slipping. And it'll be difficult to maneuver bathing with one hand," he explained, referring to the hand that had an IV in it.

"I could help," Alice suggested.

"No," I said, averting my eyes from theirs.

"Oh, it's no big deal, Bella. I don't mind."

"No," I said, my voice unintentionally harsh. I couldn't cope with the thought of Alice seeing me in such a state of vulnerability.

"How will you manage then?" Carlisle questioned. I thought it over for a moment as I used my spoon to push the porridge around in my bowl. How would I manage? I could barely make it to the washroom on my own, let alone shower without any help.

I loved Alice, but I couldn't stand the look of pain on her face whenever she saw the cuts, bruises, and breaks that were covering my body. I didn't want to explain any of this away. I wanted someone, for once, to just leave me be.

And then it occurred to me.

"Rosalie? Would she help?"

Carlisle and Alice looked at each other, their faces filled with confusion.

"She hasn't been around much lately, Bella." Alice's response wasn't clearing up any of my confusion.

"She's been helping hold the perimeter…"

Holding the perimeter?

I gasped.

"You're looking for him?" I was incredulous. I'd barely had a moment to breathe let alone think about what cascade of horror would befall on everyone I loved for what I had done – for my betrayal.

"Yes, of course. And we'll find him, you needn't worry," Carlisle assured me, his eyes gentle and his voice forgiving.

"You – you can't!" I shrieked, pushing the covers aside, ignoring the fiery bursts of pain that were radiating across my body.

I stumbled from the bed and pushed Alice's cold hand off of my arm when she came to my side to help.

"Bella, please. We can discuss this. What are you worried about?"

I shook my head and slowly made my way toward the chair in the corner of the room where I pulled a thin, blue, cotton robe over me, ignoring the way it pulled at my IV line, ignoring the absolute agony pulsing through my entire body.

"Bella, please," Carlisle implored, "what is it that you need? We can help you."

I shook my head, looked at Carlisle and pushed back the tears that were threatening to spill.

How could I be so stupid? How could I forget what he had promised?

Everyone was in danger and I was more concerned with showering than preserving the lives of the people I cared about.

I pulled the door of the bedroom open, resting for a moment against banister near the stairs, trying to catch my breath. I pushed past the pain, kept my body moving. I had to take care of this – of them.

Carlisle and Alice were trailing behind me and it wasn't long before Jasper and Emmett were standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at me in complete confusion.

"Bella, what are you doing, dear?" Esme asked, joining Jasper and Emmett at the bottom of the stairs.

"I – I…" I stopped myself, trying to regroup. I need to leave. What could I say that would make this as easy as possible?

"I… Charlie. I need to see him," I explained, using the banister to support my weight as I walked towards the top step of the staircase. Alice was at my side again, trying to support me by cradling one of my arms. I pushed her away.

"That's fine. We can call him and have him come over here," Carlisle's voice had a nervous edge to it, I could sense his panic – he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. This was the most I'd moved in days and each time I did anything physically strenuous I blacked out or vomited.

I couldn't afford for either of those things to happen right now, though. I needed to do this. I needed to protect them. The adrenaline pumping through me was sustaining me. But how much longer could it keep me here, upright and moving through the overwhelming swell of pain?

"My truck? Is it here?"

"We drove it over here yesterday afternoon…" Emmett said, looking at me, his eyes reflecting his deep concern.

"Where are the keys?" I asked, trying to keep the urgency out of my voice, but failing to do so. I needed to sound absolutely sure of myself if I was to pull this off.

"Bella, I'm afraid I don't understand the urgency. Can't this wait? This isn't exactly the best time in your recovery process to be pushing your body in this way. You're barely nourished enough to make it to and from the restroom," Carlisle said softly.

I ignored Carlisle as I looked down at my hand, thinking about how I would make it into my truck with the IV bags in tow.

All sense of self-preservation had vanished, at this point. I was more concerned with remaining conscious long enough to find Paul and to insist that he take me, and do whatever he wanted to me instead of harming the people I love.

The Cullen's, Charlie, Renee…

Oh God. Charlie and Renee!

"Charlie!" I squeaked out, placing more of my weight against the banister. Each moment I spent standing was draining my energy more and more.

I looked down at the IV line in my hand again, desperate now.

"Get this out!" I shrieked at Carlisle.

Carlisle shook his head, momentarily speechless and utterly confused.

"Get this out," I shouted, gesturing to the IV line in my hand, "or I'll rip it out myself!"

"Bella!" I stopped right before I ripped the line out and paused, my eyes scanning for the face to match the voice.

Edward.

He was there, standing in the front doorway, eyes a brilliant golden colour and his hair windblown, presumably from running here.

In an instant he was up the stairs and standing next to me, his hand gently cupping my elbow as he easily supported most of my weight.

"Charlie?" I groaned, looking at Edward desperately.

"He's safe, Bella. He's ok. Rosalie and Jacob have been watching over him."

"Jacob?"

"Yes, he and the other Quileute wolves have offered to help us in finding…" Edward stumbled, clearly unable to say his name, probably for fear of triggering another episode of hysteria in me "finding the person who did this to you. They're very upset and they've assured us they had no involvement."

"Of course they didn't," I whispered, "they didn't know anything…"

"Bella, our priority is keeping you safe, love. In order to do that, we need you to stay here, to rest and to regain your strength. We need you to focus on your health, on getting better. We're taking care of the rest," Edward wrapped an arm around my waist and I winced, but the relief of not having to hold myself up on my shaking legs overwhelmed all other sensations.

"But… this isn't safe for you," I whispered, my eyes casting downward. I could feel myself trembling.

"What do you mean?" Jasper spoke now, though he remained at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at me from below.

"I mean… he'll… he can…" I wanted to tell them, but I couldn't. The words were caught in my throat, unable to move beyond my lips.

"He'll what?"

Everyone was silently awaiting my response, but I had nothing to say.

"Oh," Alice's voice was hollow and it reverberated around the room uncomfortably.

I watched Edward's face twist in concentration as he listened in on Alice's thoughts, clearly wanting to know where they were taking her. Realization suddenly dawned on him and his face flashed in rage before he managed to compose himself enough to speak.

"Do you think he'll hurt us?"

The words spoken aloud made my stomach twist, and before I could stop myself I was bent over, screaming in agony as I vomited violently. I stood upright with Edward's help and was exceedingly grateful to see that Carlisle had placed a basin beneath me just in time.

Carlisle handed me a warm, damp washcloth and I swiped it across my mouth. He returned a second later with a cup of water, and I took a small sip, grateful to rid my mouth of the taste of bile.

"Let me take you back to bed, love. We can continue this conversation once you're resting."

I shook my head.

"I don't want to lay in bed…" I urged, my voice raw from the force of my upheaval.

"Where would you like to rest?" Edward asked, his voice as gentle as ever.

"Let's move to the living room?" Alice suggested "we have an incredibly lush chaise lounge that is just begging for someone to lay in it," she smiled brightly at me, thought her eyes were duller than they usually were. Their bright, glistening captivating aura was nowhere to be found.

I surrendered, for the moment, realizing that I was nowhere near strong enough to accomplish anything right now.

"Ok," I agreed, not objecting when Edward scooped me off my feet and into his arms. I rested my head in the crook of his neck and inhaled, his scent bringing me a deep sense of calm.

Once I was laying on the lounge, covered in blankets with a beautiful fire crackling in the fireplace across from me, my panic began to rise again. The pain from vomiting and moving so much had subsided and now my head was clearer. I'd been on my way out – ready to leave.

Ready to take care of the people I loved.

And now here I was, resting and surrounded by Edward's entire family, save for Rosalie.

"Edward," I called softly, and he was at my side immediately.

"Yes, love?"

"I really need to go…" I explained, twisting the thick woolen blanket between my bruised fingers. Edward's brow furrowed and his eyes darkened.

"You think he'll hurt us…" he said, no longer asking, but stating what he already knew.

I paused, scared to death of admitting to Edward that I was petrified. I was lost, unsure of what to do to protect the people I loved, but completely unwilling to do nothing.

But here I was, at the precipice of it all and honesty was the only avenue that seemed to make sense.

And so I nodded, confirming to Edward that I was worried about what Paul and whoever he was consorting with would do to the people I loved.

"That's impossible, love."

"He… he said…" I stopped, unable to repeat his words, unable to share any of what he'd done with Edward or anyone else for that matter.

"He said he could kill us?" Edward questioned, sitting next to me in complete stillness so as not to disturb my injuries.

"Yes," I breathed "and that he would have help." I sighed, closing my eyes tightly, trying to conquer the tears that were welling there.

"Oh Bella," Edward sighed, wrapping his arms around me and gently pulling me toward him.

I nestled my face in the crook of his neck, still trying to hold in my tears.

"I won't let him," I said softly. Edward pulled away from me, his hands resting on my shoulders as he fixed his eyes on mine.

"It isn't your job to protect us, Bella. There are seven of us, not including the wolves. We have him vastly outnumbered. Vampires are superior to wolves in every manner," he explained, his eyes brimming with sincerity and begging for me to believe him.

"But if there are others…"

"There won't be. Jacob Black came to us to tell us who did this to you. As soon as he found out that the mutt had broken away from the pack Sam and the others started tracking him. We joined them shortly thereafter. We traced him beyond the borders, into Canada and eventually stopped when we felt he was far enough away to no longer be of any threat. He was alone, Bella. Completely alone."

"But if he comes back?"

"We have a group patrolling at all times. We've taken precautionary measures to ensure that we'll know he's headed back here before it even happens. We won't let this rest until he's taken care of," Edward assured me, tucking my hair behind my ears before placing a kiss on my cheek.

I tensed, remembering the way Paul had kissed my cheek with softness before transforming his softness into his brutality. My skin crawled and I physically retracted from Edward, the sensation of wanting to avoid Paul's violence overtaking my ability to remain present in this moment.

I could feel my panic rising, building, growing inside of me. I could feel it overwhelming all of my faculties as my vision started to blur and my head started to spin. I could feel the fiery, hot breath of Paul washing over my face, the bruising force of his lips on my own, the power with which he restrained my body… pressing it, grating it against the floor of the forest.

"Breath, Bella. Breath." Edward's voice and his icy cool breath washed over me. Pulling me back into the present.

I realized that I had, at some point, closed my eyes and when I opened them again I focused all of my energy on searching the features of Edward's face.

He's real. He's here. Edward is with you.

Paul is not.

A few more moments passed and my breathing returned to normal, the room had stopped spinning and my skin was no longer crawling.

But then my stomach panged with guilt when I registered the look on Edward's face.

There was so much sadness there. And so much pain.

There was a transformation happening inside of him, and I couldn't understand what that transformation was. But something was shifting, changing, evolving.

Something was different.

"I'm sorry," I offered, averting my eyes in complete shame. How could I ever equate Edward and Paul? They were polar opposites, the antithesis of each other in every way. Edward was gentle, soft, loving, pure-hearted and good. Paul… wasn't any of those things.

"Don't apologize, love. It's ok," he reassured me, squeezing my hand gently.

"I don't want any of you to get hurt."

"We won't, love. I promise you that."

Our conversation was interrupted by Carlisle's anxious interjection.

"Edward?" Edward stood, his back facing to me as Carlisle approached.

"Now?" I know he'd meant to say it low enough that I wouldn't hear, but I'd heard it. I quickly realized I should brace myself for something unpleasant.

I could hear the low humming of fast chatter between Carlisle and Edward, and it was frustrating. I didn't appreciate things being discussed in front of me – especially when they were clearly about me.

"What is it, Carlisle?" I asked, sitting slightly more upright.

Carlisle walked past Edward and sat on the armchair next to me.

"We have some important things to discuss. Would you prefer to do it here, or somewhere more private?"

"Even if I were to go upstairs, it's not as though I'd really have any privacy anyway, is it?"

"No, you likely wouldn't. We could ask everyone to leave, and come back once we're finished?"

I shook my head.

"I'm sure you've already filled them in, haven't you?" I dipped my head down, a bright, deep blush creeping up my neck and onto my cheeks.

How much did they all know?

Carlisle's jaw tightened at my words and he nodded.

"Yes, I've been keeping the family up to date. I'm sorry if that feels like an invasion of your privacy, Bella."

I nodded, unsure of what else to say. It did feel invasive, but I also understood. How could this be kept from them when they were all so personally involved? I felt unnerved, not knowing exactly how much Carlisle had shared, but I presumed the details of my examination were in his mind and his mind alone. He'd promised, after all.

"What is it?"

Carlisle looked around the room, prompting me to do the same. The room was empty, save for Edward, Carlisle and myself. I couldn't hear anything throughout the entire home, but I was sure everyone was tucked away in their own corners, keeping themselves occupied.

In response to my question Carlisle reached into his pocket and pulled out a palm-sized, sealed plastic bag. Inside was a single, round, white pill.

"I need you to take this, Bella. We don't have to discuss it, or talk about what happened. But we need you to take this," he urged, and Edward's hand locked onto my own, squeezing gently.

"What is it?" I stammered out, terror filling me as I did.

"It's emergency contraception," Carlisle replied, looking very serious.

I shook my head, looking away as I did.

"Bella, please," Carlisle pleaded "we're very nearly at the point where this will no longer be effective. We don't need to talk any more about it. Not until you'd like to. But if you don't take this, it could make things much more complicated than they already are."

I groaned, my stomach churning again in the same familiar way it always did when I felt overwhelmed.

"I wasn't… he didn't…" I couldn't put the words together.

Mostly because they weren't true.

Paul did rape me.

I should take the pill.

And I didn't want things to become any more complicated than they already were.

But I was so sure that if Edward knew… if he really knew and heard it from me, he'd never touch me again. I'd be tainted, broken and damaged. How could he ever want me after that?

It was just as he'd said…

"You're damaged goods. You're mine now. He'll never touch you the same way if he knows what you've become…"

I recoiled away from Edward as Paul's words rang through my mind, the memory so vivid part of me felt like it was happening all over again. I shuddered, my fingernails digging into my palm as I struggled to pull myself out of the memory and back into the present.

"Bella!" Edward pulled my hand away from my palm and the panic in his voice was enough to pull me back into the present. I looked down at my palm and saw bright red droplets of blood pooling where I'd clearly broken my own skin with my fingernails.

I tightly closed my hand, embarrassed and regretful, knowing the smell of my blood must have triggered the intense burning pain of thirst in Carlisle and Edward.

"I'm sorry…"

Edward reached his hand across, pulled my palm into his lap as he gently opened my hand to reveal the four distinct fingernail shaped cuts on my palm. He used the tail of his shirt to wipe away at the blood before Carlisle handed him an antiseptic wipe. He opened the packet and trailed it across my palm, gently… rhythmically… patiently.

"Don't apologize, Bella," he cooed as he unwrapped an adhesive bandage and covered the tiny cuts across my palm. He then turned my hand over and placed a tender kiss on the back of it, his eyes filled with a mixture of longing, pain, and love.

Tears welled in my eyes as I grabbed the pill from Carlisle's hand, ripped the plastic opened and swallowed it down with a sip of water.

I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the tears, but they poured out anyway.

"You might feel some nausea, but we're going to do everything we can to make sure you don't vomit, ok? We want you to keep this down until it's been completely absorbed. There are some possible side effects – you might experience abdominal pain, dizziness, some vaginal bleeding," I pulled the blanket up over my head as he continued, shame completely overtaking me, "it might change the timing of your period, so you might find that you're a few days early or late."

I said nothing from beneath the blanket.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Carlisle whispered, "we're almost done. I know this is difficult…" he trailed off, fiddling with something before continuing again "would you be OK with me taking your blood? I just want to get a sense of your blood counts and how your iron levels are fairing after the blood transfusion. I know you dislike needles so I'll make it as brief as possible."

I said nothing but pushed my arm out from beneath the blanket, pointing my elbow downward so that Carlisle could take my blood.

"Thank you."

He made quick work of it, indeed. I'd barely noticed it at all and before he'd left Edward and I to ourselves he'd given me another small dose of morphine to help with the pain.

Before I could fight it, I faded into a restless sleep.

A/N: Your reviews give me life! Honestly! They fill me with so much motivation and make it easy for me to keep writing and working away at this.

I hope this chapter isn't confusing - there are some revelations that were made that might not be absolutely clear as of yet. Especially the realization that dawned on Carlisle regarding why Alice isn't able to see Bella despite the wolves being gone. The reason wasn't explicitly stated, but it will be next chapter so if you haven't deciphered it yet, hang in there!

As always - let me know what you think. I so look forward to your reviews.

xx,

-missmarlee