Chapter 17 – If you leave

EPOV

Bella stood – statue still – in the doorway, her body swaying gently as though it was being rocked to a fro by the gentle wind that was gliding through the trees. Her pale, effervescent skin was alight with the tender light of the moon as it bared down on her. She was paler than usual, the colour seemingly drained from her delicate body.

She was thinking, I realized. She was trying to gather courage for something. It was easy to tell because whenever she was giving herself an internal pep talk her chin would raise and she would open her shoulders, pushing her chest out slightly in an effort to summon the strength she would need.

It was a telltale sign of Bella's, and everyone in my family knew it well by now. Jasper and Emmett were standing at the treeline, ensuring that the wolves had, indeed, cleared themselves from our property. The cataclysm of a few moments earlier was dissipating as we all waited and watched Bella, anticipating what she was surely about to share with us.

She inhaled, filling her lungs with the crisp evening air and then exhaled slowly, opening her eyes and resting them on Carlisle in what appeared to be an intentional move to gain his attention.

"Carlisle," she whispered, pulling her the fullness of her bottom lip into her mouth, biting down on it in a nervous way.

"Yes, Bella?" He replied, standing a few metres away from her but providing her with his undivided attention. He waited to approach her, being of the belief that allowing Bella to decide the proximity she wanted to maintain would help foster trust between them.

She inhaled again, holding it in for a moment before breathing our forcefully.

"I'd like to speak with you… in private," she explained as she smoothed down the wrinkled fabric of the oversized sweatshirt she was wearing.

It belonged to me, I realized. She must have fetched it from the closet in my bedroom. My heart warmed at the thought. It was a forest green and she had paired it with a pair of slacks that Alice had bought for her a few days earlier. Bella had the hood of the sweatshirt pulled up around her face, and her entire body was swallowed up by the enormity of the fabric.

"Of course. Where would you like to go? There isn't much privacy here but we can easily kick everyone out of the house and chat in my office?"

Bella shook her head, remaining wordless. And then she did something that made my stomach feel sick with fear.

She absently placed a single hand across the length of her abdomen, rubbing a small circle there before pulling her hand away and shoving it in the pockets of the slacks.

I looked around at my family members to see if any of them noticed and when I did I found that each of them, save for Carlisle, had their eyes trained on me.

Oh no… no. No. No. Alice's thoughts were frantic and broken but I could hear that she was beginning to speculate in the same direction that I was. She'd noticed the gesture, too.

Esme's eyes were filled with aching sadness and her thoughts were drearily optimistic.

Jasper and Emmett looked as though they might explode from the intensity of their horror. Their thoughts were similar in nature as they both strategized renewed ways to find Paul.

And Rosalie was carefully guarding her thoughts, though her eyes were still trained on me.

"I'd rather leave. I'd rather go somewhere more private, please," Bella explained, moving away from the doorway as she pressed herself against the banister of the deck that wrapped around our home.

"Certainly. Did you have somewhere in mind? We could go for a drive and chat?"

She shook her head.

"I was thinking we could go to the hospital? To your office?"

Carlisle looked stunned.

Oh god no, He internally groaned.

I haven't even had a chance to clean up the mess of Bella's blood in my office. And the hospital is far too conspicuous.

"I believe the hospital might be too conspicuous, Bella. I think it's in everyone's best interest if we keep what is happening as closely guarded as possible?"

"I agree. But I don't think anyone will notice. I'll wear the hoodie and we can go in from the back, right? It's late, anyway. They hospital should be pretty empty…"

She was oddly insistent and unrelenting. Carlisle understood her words as I did: she wasn't requesting this arrangement; she was demanding it.

"Well, if that's what you'd prefer then that's fine with me," Carlisle smiled at Bella and reached into the pocket of his trousers, pulling a set of keys from them.

"Give me a moment and I'll pull my car out. Are you all set?"

"Yes. I'm dressed and ready," Bella replied, slowly moving away from the banister and walking herself down the set of three steps that lead to our deck.

"Bella?" I called out to her, confused and hoping that she'd allow me to accompany her to the hospital. I ached at the thought of being separated from her.

"Edward…" she said gently, her eyes meeting mine for a moment before she looked past me.

"What happened?" She asked, referring to the moments prior where a fight had broken out in the middle of our home.

"Tensions erupted with the wolves – that's all. It wasn't seriously out of hand and nobody was hurt."

She cocked an eyebrow at me, unsatisfied with my truncated version of the events that had transpired.

"Sorry," I offered, recognizing that my attempt at shutting her out with as few details as possible was a second-nature response. My instinct was to always preserve Bella, at all costs. Even if the cost was her trust and her relationship to her autonomy.

"While you were asleep we called a meeting with the wolves. Jacob came in place of Sam who wasn't comfortable leaving his patrol to meet with us. We were attempting to relay the most recent developments in our search for... him."

She nodded and I continued "we explained that he had made an effort to contact Charlie, though we didn't share any details of the letter with them. One thing led to another and there was a physical altercation. Like I said, all is well and nobody was injured."

Bella looked troubled.

"It's to be expected, love. These things happen. We're natural enemies and we're in a strange position where we're working together. There's bound to be some tension that overflows in this way." She looked as though she wanted to say something but then I noticed her grimace in pain and grip at her abdomen, bending slightly as though to catch her balance. I made to move to her side but she stopped me.

"I'm fine," she explained, holding a hand up as though to direct me to stop "it's just my ribs. They're sore today."

Before we could carry on Carlisle's car pulled up next to Bella. He leapt from the car and moved to Bella's side, opening the door for her.

"Bella?" I called out to her, hoping she would insist on me joining them. Hoping that her desperation to speak to Carlisle privately didn't preclude me from the conversation, too.

"I'll see you later," she offered, stepping into the passenger's seat with Carlisle helping her settle inside.

I moved to his side and grabbed is arm, pulling him close enough to me that my mouth was almost flush to his ear.

"Check her hCG levels," I instructed before pulling away from him, the interaction having happened discreetly enough that Bella hadn't noticed. Carlisle locked eyes with mine and nodded, acknowledging his agreement.

And then they were gone, and it felt as though a large part of me had gone with them. I knew that something was wrong – and I also knew that it had taken Bella every ounce of courage she possessed to request to speak with Carlisle privately. Pushing her to divulge to me what was happening in that moment would have resulted in her withdrawing again. More significant than her opening up to me was making sure she was opening up to someone. If that someone had to be Carlisle, I would have to find a way to live with that.

BPOV

We'd spent most of the car ride sitting in silence, neither of us communicating because I was certain I'd telegraphed my unwillingness to speak in every way possible. Carlisle drove quite slowly, for a Cullen, and turned on the stereo to play soft classical music in the background.

"Are you alright, Bella?" He questioned, his eyes never meeting my own as he continued to stare out at the road ahead of him. It was a courtesy, I was sure, because Carlisle didn't need to watch the road to ensure a safe trip for us. He probably knew that I didn't want to talk and respected that I would initiate conversation when I was ready.

I thought for a moment, about his question. Unsure if I should start talking here, or wait until we were in the hospital. I felt comforted by the car, for some reason. Maybe because it wasn't as awkward or fraught with tension as sitting face to face would be. Or maybe it was because I could avoid the conversation altogether, and I could avoid confronting the look of concern etched into the perfect planes of Carlisle's face.

"Bella?"

"I don't know…" I replied, unsure of what else to say. It felt unnecessary to falsely say yes when I knew very well that I would be opening up to Carlisle shortly anyway.

"Is there a reason you wanted to meet at the hospital, instead of at home?"

"Yes," I offered, deciding that I wouldn't share any more than the barest details possible in this moment. I would wait.

I would need the extra few minutes to collect my thoughts and think about how I would present them to Carlisle.

"We'll enter through the back," Carlisle clarified as he pulled up to the hospital, heading toward the back, less trafficked area. He parked and then helped me out of my seat, bearing most of my weight as he led me through the doorway and down the short hallway to the door of his office. I'd made sure to pull my hoodie up and over my face, hoping that we weren't bothered on our way to his office but prepared to conceal myself should someone happen upon us.

Carlisle pulled out his keys but stopped before the key was fully inserted into the keyhole.

"Bella, I should warn you before we enter…" he started, a grave and serious look on his face.

"What is it?"

"When Jasper and Emmett found you, they brought you straight here. You were bleeding quite profusely and I attended to your most urgent injuries right here, in my office. Of course, I've barely passed through the hospital since then and I haven't had a chance to clean this room up. I'm afraid that what we find in here may be troubling to you…" His words had a distinct nervous edge to them and I could see that Carlisle was worried about my stability. He feared that the slightest trigger would throw me off and cause me to withdraw again.

And as sure as I wanted to be about my ability to persevere and stay present, I couldn't be as sure as I would have liked. I often reacted to situations lately in ways that I wouldn't have predicted. My subconscious often took over, whether I needed it to or not.

"Can we move somewhere else? Perhaps back to the car," Carlisle suggested, looking hopeful.

I shook my head. The car wouldn't do. There as no evading this now. I was more terrified of avoiding what was happening inside of my body for a second longer than facing it head on. I could manage whatever was beyond this door, but I couldn't manage prolonging help any longer.

"No, in your office is fine." Carlisle looked unconvinced. "I'll be fine," I pressed, motioning toward the door.

When it opened, it was more alarming than I'd anticipated. Large swatches of blood stained dressings and gauze were strewn across the floor. The couch that sat in the corner near the door was stained dark red with an enormous pool of dried blood tarnishing its otherwise pristine appearance.

Carlisle stood, very still, and observed me as I took in the sight before me. He remained motionless, and didn't utter a single syllable. I processed the scene for a few more seconds before pushing past whatever feelings it was resurrecting. I walked inside and moved toward the two arm chairs that are sitting opposite the desk in the corner.

I sat, gingerly, in the seat, taking care to not aggravate my especially sore ribcage.

Carlisle looked stunned but joined me, sitting in the chair next to me rather than occupying the luxurious looking leather office chair that was tucked beneath his elegant mahogany desk.

His eyes held mine though I averted my gaze. His face was adorned with a very small and delicate smile as he assessed me, waiting for me to speak.

"What brings us here today, Bella?"

I thought for a moment, trying to decide how to say these words – how to push them out of my head and past my lips. They felt like they weighed a tonne, and my body felt heavy holding them inside.

"Alice can't see me yet, can she?" I questioned, focusing my eyes on my hands as they nervously twisted in my lap.

"No, she cannot," Carlisle sounded intrigued and concerned.

"Ok…" I replied, trying to work up enough courage to do what needed to be done.

"Does that mean something significant to you, Bella?" He questioned, his voice softening around the words as though they might be sharp enough to wound me.

I avoided answering.

"Can you help me…?" I tried to push the desperation clear out of my voice, but it was impossible. I was drowning in it and the angst was consuming me in the most horrendous of ways.

"Of course. I'll always do my best to make sure you have what you need – to help you in any way possible. But I'll need more information from you, Bella."

"Ok," I replied, sucking in a large breath of air as though inflating my lungs would inflate my courage, too.

"Whenever you're ready," Carlisle said gently, his hands folding across his lap as he positioned his body in a way that I presumed was meant to telegraph his patience.

Some time passed before I spoke. I tried to collect the thoughts in my head and arrange them in an order that would make sense. I even tried to think about what Carlisle might say or do, and the paths that would open up to me once I shared.

But mostly I was brainstorming the ways we could try to make it work to keep this information from Edward. I desperately wanted to shield him from this because I wasn't sure how much more strain our relationship could take.

Lately, I was just waiting. Waiting for him to vanish, like he had all those months ago. Waiting for him to decide that he'd had enough, or that he knew what was best for me.

I expected him to disappear. And maybe this would be the straw that broke the camel's back – maybe this would be the impetus for the change I was anticipating.

"Bella?" Apparently, I'd been in a daze longer than I'd thought. Carlisle's soft voice carried me back to the present.

"I'm… bleeding… down there," I said softly as, to my dismay, my voice quivered under the weight of those words.

"Ok. I'm glad you shared that with me, and I know it must have been difficult for you. I'm going to ask you a few more questions about that, if it's alright? I'm merely trying to understand the nature of the bleeding and how we might best be able to take care of it," Carlisle explained, shifting in his seat to reach into his small, leather briefcase. From it he pulled a yellow file folder and placed it on his lap.

"Ok."

"I'm assuming – and please tell me if I'm incorrect in my assumptions – that you're referring to vaginal bleeding?"

I nodded, sinking down into the seat, wishing it would swallow me whole.

"Ok. When did the bleeding start?" With his pen poised above the paper on his lap, Carlisle surveyed me carefully.

"This evening. I noticed if before I came downstairs and interrupted the altercation outside."

The quiet in the room seemed too loud. The only noise I could tune into was the sound of Carlisle's pen scratching across the paper that was neatly clipped to the inside of the file folder. I idly wondered what kind of information that folder contained – but I shuddered at the thought, pushing it out of my mind because it was too overwhelming to analyze right now.

"How significant is the bleeding? Would you say that it's an alarming amount? Enough to fill a menstrual pad in less than an hour?"

I shook my head, my face burning underneath the bright crimson that was flooding my cheeks. This was more horrible than I'd anticipated.

"No. Not that much…"

"Is it possible that this is due to your period?"

"Would I be here if it was?"

Carlisle looked up from his notes, his eyebrows slightly arched and his face caught somewhere between admiration and distress.

"You're right, my apologies."

I was glad he caught my annoyance and shifted the conversation to accommodate it. I could appreciate his perspective, and his need to capture the full picture – but I was so tired of feeling like I was the least knowledgeable person in the room. This was my body. I was sure.

"This is different than a period."

"Are you experiencing any unusual cramping, Bella?"

I nodded again, lowering my gaze and absently placing a hand across my abdomen as though to soothe the ache that lingered there.

"How bad is the pain?"

I looked up at him and sucked in a long breath, trying to stop myself from crying.

"I don't know. I'm in pain all the time, it's hard to know what's what anymore. But I do know that this isn't a period. Something doesn't feel… right."

"I believe you," Carlisle offered.

"What do I do?"

"Do you believe you're pregnant, Bella. Is that why we're here?"

My stomach twisted, knots pulling in every direction and I felt the contents of my stomach beginning to rise inside of me. My stomach clenched, tossed, turned, and in seconds I was leaning over the side of the chair, vomiting violently into the pail that Carlisle had placed in front of me.

I sat back, pushing my hair out of my face as Carlisle handed me a tissue and a cup of water.

"I'm sorry, I know this must be exceedingly painful for you, Bella. I wish there was something I could do to ease the difficulty."

"I'm sorry…" I offered feebly, sitting back in the chair as the familiar crimson colour crept up onto my cheeks again.

"You have nothing to apologize for; truly."

I thought for a moment, seriously considering that suggestion. Did I really have nothing to apologize for? Was I really blame free in this situation?

"I went back to visit all of you… after you left. I would go to your home whenever I felt like maybe you weren't real. I would go there and just sit. I would look around, and try to remember every detail I could recall. It was the only thing that made me feel close to Edward again. For those moments, I would pretend he hadn't left – that all of you hadn't left. That I was still whole," I wasn't sure where I was going with this, or why I was explaining so much, especially to Carlisle, but I was finding it hard to stop myself.

"One day I went there, to think. Paul had attacked me in my room the night before. He'd threatened me, though he hadn't really hurt me yet. But I had a feeling he would… so I went to your home, to think. I'd usually park my truck by the garage, and then I'd lay down on the gravel driveway and stare up at the clouds.

The clouds made me think of Edward… and I would think about where he could be, and that wherever it was, it was probably really cloudy there," I shifted in my seat, the pain of recalling that time ripping at my insides.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry that we didn't intervene and try to make him see reason."

I nodded.

"And when I was lying there, thinking of Edward… suddenly… Paul," I struggled over the word, my stomach clenching again at the sound of his name falling from my lips "suddenly he was standing over top of me. He was so angry and violent… and that was the first time it happened. Right in the driveway of your home… and I never went back there. Not until you came back to Forks." I hadn't realized that tears were pooling in my eyes and my body was quivering.

"I understand. That must have been a terribly frightening ordeal, Bella. I only wish we'd been there to protect you," Carlisle offered, his golden eyes brimming with his own despair.

"Me too," I said quietly, tucking my hands into the pocket of the sweater, closing my eyes as I inhaled against the fabric of the collar, breathing in Edward's familiar scent.

"Is it ok if I can you some questions about that? The questions might be upsetting and difficult, but I promise you we'll go at a pace that feels comfortable for you."

I nodded, realizing that the conversation couldn't stop here.

"In the first assault that you just spoke of, was there vaginal penetration?"

My stomach tightened and my vision blurred. I tried to push back against the heaviness of the memories that were fogging my vision.

"Yes."

"Do you know – and it's ok and understandable if you don't – but do you know if a condom was used?"

Before I could stop myself I was retching into the silver pail again, watching the bile from my stomach splatter loudly against the hollow inside.

I sat upright and, once again, Carlisle handed me a tissue and a cup of water. I waited for my stomach to settle before answering his question.

"No, he never used one," I replied, and I felt as though all of the air inside of me was being sucked from my body. I could feel myself deflating against the heaviness of this conversation. It felt as though I was being ripped open and laid bare – all of the darkest parts of myself exposed and unguarded. I fought against the urge to get up and leave. I wanted to run, every part of me was begging for it. Facing this was indescribable. Like it was happening all over again.

Reminders of what he had done – what he might have left behind.

Devastating.

"Do you know when the first day of your last menstrual period was?"

I nodded.

It was the same day that Paul first threatened me, after the bonfire on the reservation. He had threatened me, and tried to kiss me.

I remember because when he left, and I went upstairs into my bedroom, I went into the bathroom to try and collect myself – splashing water on my face and trying to calm myself down enough so that if Charlie were to come check on me when he got home from work it would be less obvious that something had happened.

When I changed into my pajamas I noticed my period. And then I broke down, sobbing uncontrollably.

What was going on? Why was he so angry with me? Would he try something again?

I couldn't fathom the thought. I figured he was angry. I figured he had limits and boundaries. I didn't see the value in pursuing it or telling Jacob anything because I never figured he would go as far as he did.

"March 15th," my quiet voice echoed in the room and I saw Carlisle's eyes flashing across the folder sitting across his lap.

He closed the folder then and placed it on the desk behind him, realization dawning on his face.

"Do you think you're pregnant, Bella?"

I closed my eyes, pressing the lids together so tightly I figured it would be impossible for tears to escape through the closure. But I felt it, the warm, salty tears sliding down my crimson stained cheeks.

"Yes," I said softly, my hands coming to rest across my eyes as I tried to conceal my tears.

Pathetic.

I was being pathetic.

I was sure Carlisle would be horrified. I was sure that he would find me pathetic and I was sure he would want to keep me as far away from Edward as possible. I was complicating their lives, and he should want to keep me at as far a distance as possible.

Instead, I felt two cold hands rest gently on either of my arms, pulling so as to move my hands from covering my eyes.

Carlisle was kneeling in front of me, his eyes filled with sadness and understanding. He wiped a stray tear that was travelling down my cheek and then he pulled me into his icy cold arms.

And I collapsed there. My entire body shaking as I sobbed against him. My body was aching and protesting but I couldn't find withhold these emotions any longer. It was consuming and I had no choice but to allow it this uninterrupted outlet.

A few minutes later, after I felt like I'd emptied my body of every last drop of water it had inside of it I pulled my head up from Carlisle's shoulder and found his eyes.

"I can help you," he whispered, standing and pulling me to my feet as well.

"Whatever the outcome of this is, I can help you. And I will help you. Please don't think otherwise, Bella."

"I'm wary of staying here but now that Charlie has some idea of what's going on I'm slightly less worried. In any case, I won't be requesting the assistance of any nurses and none of what we discuss or do today will be recorded anywhere in any hospital record, ok?"

"Ok," I agreed.

"I think it's wise to stay here so we have access to the hospital's facilities until we figure out what's going on."

"Ok… Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

My heart ached at the question that was formulating in my mind.

But I needed to know.

"Do you think he'll leave me?"

Carlisle stopped and turned to face me.

"Edward?"

"Yes."

"Absolutely not."

"But he did… he has. All those months ago… he left. And now I'm just waiting for him to do it again. Last time, it was over the smallest thing, something that was barely significant. And now, with everything that's happening, I'm just holding my breath, waiting for him to leave me again."

"I can't speak for Edward, but I know beyond a doubt that he regrets his decision to leave every single day. And I know that he is devoted you to and bound to you by unbreakable bonds."

I looked up at Carlisle and saw the resolution in his eyes. He spoke with conviction.

"Bound to me?" I questioned, sure that there was more to that statement than he'd shared with me.

"Yes. But you should really speak to Edward about that – he would be the most appropriate person to discuss that with," Carlisle explained, walking toward the door of his office.

"I need to gather a few things, Bella. Are you ok staying here until I return?"

"Yes."

A few moments later Carlisle returned, and in his hands, he held two rectangular shaped boxes. He placed them on his desk and then sat in the chair across from mine again.

"These are pregnancy tests. One is a urine test and the other is a blood test. Both are very accurate. I'd like to confirm that you're pregnant and then I think it would be wise to do a pelvic exam and an ultrasound. I know it might seem overwhelming right now, but I assure you that we'll take it slowly."

"I'd rather do it and get it done with. I'd rather know…"

"I think that's a wise choice." Carlisle began pulling at the sterile packaging and opened the first one up to reveal a small cup and a thin, white stick with lines drawn across it in various places.

"There's a bathroom in here, are you comfortable using it?"

I stopped and thought for a moment. My heart rate was picking up considerably. My vision was blurring; my hands were shaking. There was a ringing sound in my ears and I felt like I might lose consciousness.

I was overwhelmed.

"Edward…" I breathed out, my voice barely a whisper.

"Bella?" Carlisle called out to me, but I couldn't respond.

"Edward…" I said again.

"Do you want him here with you?"

I nodded.

Despite my mounting worries about whether or not he would leave me again, it was with him that I felt safest. He was the lifeline that tethered me to the earth when I felt myself slipping away.

Carlisle pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed it against his ear, speaking in hushed tones as he moved to my side and helped me into my seat.

"He'll be here shortly. Hang on, Bella."

I pushed back against the darkness that was threatening to overtake me.

I held on.

I waited.

Edward was my love.

He was everything I'd ever lost come back to me.

And so I would wait.

EPOV

"Bella needs you, Edward," Carlisle's voice was hushed and I could hear the sounds of him moving through the phone. I could hear Bella's heart thumping wildly against her chest.

"What's wrong?"

"Come as quickly as you can. She's ok, but she needs you."

"I'm on my way," I said as I pressed the end button on my phone.

In seconds I was in my Volvo, backing out of our garage and speeding down the driveway and onto the highway.

The car couldn't move me fast enough. It couldn't bring me back to Bella as quickly as I wanted it to. But I pressed on.

Bella needed me.

My mind ran through all of the possibilities, trying to build on correlations and suspicions, trying to speculate about what could be happening.

A million possibilities tore through me, each of them grimmer than the last.

She's with Carlisle, therefore she's fine.

I had to keep reminding me that she was ok, that whatever was happening was solvable and wasn't life threatening. She was with Carlisle. She was in the best of hands.

I arrived at the hospital and that was when my sense took over. I could smell here as clearly as though she were standing next to me.

And I followed the scent, to the back of the building where I parked next to Carlisle's car in the staff parking spot, not caring that I didn't technically have access to that spot.

I sped through the hallway, following her scent until I stopped myself right in front of Carlisle's office door.

I'd been here many times before.

Some of those times had been in relation to Bella – when we'd first met, and I was trying to control my thirst for her blood, I'd sought Carlisle's advice from behind this very door. It was here that he'd convinced me to stay, to fight against the beast that was raging on inside of me.

He'd convinced me to trust myself.

And now Bella was here, just behind this door and her scent was alarmingly strong.

I knocked, my desperation to see her growing.

Carlisle answered the door and escorted me inside.

I paused, taking a moment to assess my surroundings.

Bella was sitting in a chair at the far side of the room, her body slouched against the frame, hands folded across her lap as she tugged on her bottom lip with her teeth.

She looked frightened.

The smell of her blood was overpowering – it was everywhere. Old stains had marred the pristine appearance of the room, dark red splotches that were evidence of everything that had taken place here.

My mind dug through Carlisle's as he recalled the events that had led to her blood spilling out into his office a week prior:

A frantic Carlisle, desperately trying to pull an unconscious Bella off the brink of death. Suturing her wounds, assessing the most dangerous of her injuries as he simultaneously soothed and consoled Emmett and Jasper.

Bella's body, lifeless as she clung to life.

That was why her blood was here, staining this room with the darkness of that moment.

I suspect she's pregnant, Edward. And possibly miscarrying.

I looked at him, allowing those words to settle inside of my mind. I could tell from the energy of the room that Bella needed me to remain composed – I needed to process all of this and I needed to do it quickly.

My pain had no place here.

Not when Bella was falling to pieces.

Not when everything around her was crashing down.

Not when she was faced with this impossible circumstance and the possibility that her life might be forever transformed in a very physical and tangible way by the violence she'd endured.

I inhaled, then exhaled and then I went to her.

"Bella?"

She looked at me, her eyes a mixture of sadness, fear, and relief.

She reached a hand out and placed it on my face, leaving it there as she spoke.

"I'm sorry," she offered, her voice heavy with her pain.

"Don't apologize, my love," I gently commanded, placing my hand on top of hers.

"I think… I might be… I think I'm pregnant." She was exhausted. Every inch of her body was fraying, her fatigue evident in every action she took.

"We'll get through this, Bella," I assured her. Other, more comforting, words were failing me.

"Don't go," she pleaded, her hands shaking with her request.

I held them in my own, stilling them as I brought them to my lips and softly kissed each finger.

"Never," I promised.

She collapsed her body against mine, and I pulled her weight against my chest, cradling her in my arms.

We stayed this way for a while, Bella perfectly still as I held her without words.

"I'm ready," she said, pulling her head up from my chest as she searched the room for Carlisle. He had been leaning against his desk, his arms folded across his chest as he worked, very hard, to contain the powerful emotions that were raging through him.

His anguish was palpable – barely contained by the room we were in and he was internally warring with himself to gain control of it.

I understood.

When Bella spoke Carlisle pushed himself off the desk, bringing the pregnancy test kit with him.

"Do you know how these work?" He questioned, sitting next to Bella.

"Yes," she declared as she stood to her feet and pulled the package from Carlisle's hands.

"You can bring the specimen cup out here and we'll read the results together, ok?"

Bella nodded and headed toward the bathroom, the package shaking in her hands as she did.

When the door closed behind her Carlisle looked at me seriously.

"You need to speak with her, Edward. You need to have a frank conversation with her and withhold nothing. She ardently believes that you'll leave her at a moment's notice. She's waiting for you to decide what's best for her again, or decide that you've had enough and it's hindering her healing. She needed you today but she withheld because she was sure that if you found out you wouldn't want to be with her anymore," Carlisle admonished, his voice low as he surveyed me from across the room.

"I know. Rosalie cornered me in the garage shortly after you and Bella left. She lectured me thoroughly on the topic. I intend to be honest with her, I've just had trouble finding the most opportune moment – there haven't been many. It's been crisis management for over a week now," I explained.

Carlisle's eyes softened and he nodded.

"I know, and this all must be very difficult for you, as well as her. You're not alone Edward. You have your family to lean on for support as you try to figure out how to best support Bella. Don't underestimate Rosalie. She's a lot wiser than you credit her for."

I would've responded and agreed with Carlisle, but just as I was about to Bella pushed the bathroom door open, her hand grasped around a small, opaque container. She walked it over to Carlisle and placed it in his hands and then moved to the chair across from his desk.

Carlisle placed the specimen container on his desk and sat opposite Bella is in office chair. He pulled the long, thin, white stick from the container and rested it inside the cup, waiting the requisite 30 seconds.

I sat in the chair next to Bella, pulling her hand into mine.

Her eyes were shut tightly, her heart was pounding and her body was shaking.

"It's ok, love. I'm here – no matter what," I promised. I wasn't sure she'd heard me though, she seemed lost to her own thoughts.

Carlisle pulled the stick from the cup, his eyes trained on the lines, waiting for a result to appear.

I listened to his thoughts as closely as I could, anticipating the results.

I held Bella's hand tighter, and she squeezed back, her body vibrating with her fear.

And then Carlisle knew.

And so did I.

A/N: It's a horrible thing - to leave such an awful cliff hanger. BUT, I will be updating soon! I'm hoping to update before Dec. 25, as that's my goal. I promise you I don't want to leave you hanging for very long. And I do have a good reason for leaving this as a cliffhanger, I promise.

Please, let me know what you think. Every review I receive kicks my butt into gear and gets me back in front of my computer, editing faster so that I can post a new chapter. This story is really picking up in my brain - and it's thanks to all of you!

Forgive me for this evil cliffhanger?

xx,

-mm