Bonus Chapter

After all that chaos that happened, the playables thought it was all over…..until today, with the shocking news….

Other

Lu Bu: Huff….I can't believe it! I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HOW THE HELL CAN THEY JUST FORGET ABOUT US?! THOSE CORPORATE BASTARDS! Only caring about money! They know that Other won't get them much profit, so look at us!

Diaochan: Oh, come on now, don't be so angry. I know you're mad that we didn't get any adds, but you got your own Story Mode in 8XL! And that became frikking popular!

Lu Bu: I know, but…it's ridiculous! We Others usually get the short end of the stick!

Lu Lingqi: She's right, dad. See, unlike the Other characters, fans actually love you to warrant you actually having your very own faction and Story Mode! Koei knows that!

Lu Bu: Huff….well, if that's the case why can't I have another add?! Gao Shun, for example! He would be great!

And all of a sudden….

Lu Bu: …..oof!

Everyone: Gasp!

Diaochan: What happened, my lord?!

Lu Bu: Grr…..NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS STUPID PAPER FALLING RIGHT ON MY FACE?! reads the fucking paper …grr…what?

Lu Lingqi: Eh? What is it?

Lu Bu: We…we…..WE ACTUALLY GOT THREE ADDS TODAY!

Everyone: WHAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT?!

Chen Gong: Is that true, Lord Lu Bu?!

Lu Bu: Of course! This paper told me! Oh, oh! They're supposed to come at this time as well!

Someone knocks the door

Lu Bu: AH! HERE THEY ARE!

Chen Gong: Paper? Now this kinda sounds bullshit…..lemme see the paper!

Lu Bu: Ah!

Chen Gong: …uhh, Lord Lu Bu, this-

Door opens

Three figures are standing at the entrance….

?: Ohohohohoho! I knew it's only a matter of time before such a magnificent emperor as I would be added!

?: Hmph! So these are the people on the same classification as ME?! Such lowly peasants! It's understandable why Koei doesn't give two shits about you!

?: HYAAAAAAHHH!

Everyone: standing dumbfounded

Lu Bu: Are you….ARE YOU HONESTLY FUCKING SERIOUS?!

Everyone: YIKES!

Lu Bu: These….these…..these…..WASTES OF SPACE…ARE WHAT WE GOT?! Yuan Shu, Dong Bai….and HUA XIONG?! WHAT?!

Yuan Shu: Hey! Come on now, that's such a rude thing to say to an Emperor like me!

Yuan Shao: Hm? Wait a second, SHU?! You….you are actually here?!

Yuan Shu: Hah! And what about it?! Took me long enough! And they should've added me a long time ago rather than such a lowly maid-born son like YOU!

Yuan Shao: HEY! Heh, with such a bloated head like head, I'm surprised you haven't floated off to space to perish yet!

Yuan Shu: BAH! And you certainly have been turned into a joke! Fitting for someone defeated with such ease by Cao Cao!

Yuan Shao: Heh, that's only because they decided to base me off of YOU so that they don't have to add you and waste space!

Yuan Shu: Watch your mouth! You, someone who played hero only to turn crap and got your ass handed to you despite outnumbering your enemy don't have any place to talk down to such a magnificent Emperor like ME!

Yuan Shao: WHAT?! You got the GALL to call yourself EMPEROR?! You literally only got a mediocre piece of land and your ass feels like it's in the Heavens and look what it got you!

Yuan Shu: Grrr, just you wait! 'Preserving the Han' MY ASS! IT'S THE TIME OF NEW AGE!

Yuan Shao: Grrr!

Yuan Shu: GRRR!

Dong Bai: SILENCE!

Everyone: Huh?

Dong Bai: Hm! Still squabbling over such petty matters! I suppose it's only fitting for peasants like you!

Yuan Shu: Hey, who're you calling peasants, little broad?!

Dong Bai: Hmph! Why, if it isn't I, Dong Bai, granddaughter of Dong Zhuo himself!

Yuan Shao: What?! This bratty young lady is the granddaughter of that tyrant pig himself! Unforgivable! Despicable! Who the fuck would even want to reproduce with him anyway?!

Dong Zhuo: OHOHOHOHO! MY! IF IT ISN'T MY PRECIOUS LITTLE GRANDDAUGHTER!

Dong Bai: Granddaddy!

Dong Zhuo: Ahahahaha! My, you've grown quite a bit, haven't you!

Dong Bai: Of course! Granddaddy, all these lowly peasants have been insulting me! They have no place to insult your granddaughter, don't they?

Dong Zhuo: WHAT?! Why, of course not! They will all be punished for their insolence!

Dong Bai: Tehehehehe! You watch that!

Hua Xiong: HYAAHH! Me too, Lord Dong Zhuo!

Dong Zhuo: Eh? Oh, Hua Xiong! You too, have joined me at last!

Lu Bu: What?! Why, why is he here?!

Dong Zhuo: To replace you, of course! Because you've turned on me and decided to make your own faction, I will have my next strongest warrior to replace you!

Lu Bu: Strongest general? But, but…..HE LITERALLY ONLY SERVED TO GET HIS PITIFUL, IRRELEVANT ASS BEATEN BY GUAN YU AND YOU CALL HIM YOUR STRONGEST GENERAL?!

Dong Zhuo: Well, lots of fans have requested him, so it's a good thing because fans will pay more attention to us! And I can assure you that we will surely get more popular than YOU!

Lu Bu Grrr! YOU-

Chen Gong: Lord Lu Bu! Wait!

Lu Bu: WHAT?!

Chen Gong: EEEK! So, so…this paper. This paper said that, actually….

Meanwhile, in Shu…..

Liu Bei: depressed

Zhuge Liang: Lord Liu Bei….come on now, when will you sto-

Liu Bei: HOW CAN I NOT, ZHUGE LIANG, FOR HEAVEN'S ABOVE'S SAKE?! Sigh….seriously, just, FUCK THIS SHIT MAN! It's clear now, Koei doesn't care at all about us. They, they only care about us for the sake of uninformed audience's approval! They first made us feel special, feel like we're the best in the entire world, only to fucking turn on our backs and consistently give us shitty, irrelevant, and sometimes fictional adds to further pander to those uninformed audience! And now! ONE fucking FICTIONAL ADD! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! starts kicking about while crying

Zhao Yun: My Lord, PLEASE! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!

Liu Bei: I JUST CAN'T DO IT ZHAO YUN! I just…..I am just SO DONE WITH THIS! If only…..if only you, Zhao Yun, with your spear, impale m- paper falls out of the sky OW!

Zhao Yun: Lord Liu Bei!

Liu Bei: Now what is this! …..what?

Zhao Yun: What is it?

Liu Bei: No….it can't be…..am I reading this right?

Zhao Yun: Lord Liu Bei, what is i-

Liu Bei: WE'RE GETTING ANOTHER ADD, ZHAO YUN!

Everyone: W-whaaa-?

Liu Bei: Yes, YES! IT SAID SO ON THIS PAPER! Oh, and they're supposed to come at-

Door opens

Everyone: GASP!

Liu Bei: THERE IT IS! THERE IT IS! IT'S COME AND-

?: Ah…uhm….everyone….is everyone here?

Everyone: …eyes widen

?: Eh….uhm…..I'm not good at introductions….so….ehehe….ehm…so….hi!

Everyone: ….you…..you, y-y-you, YOU…..!

Liu Bei: No….no…..WAY…..

Everyone: XIAHOUJI?!

Xiahouji: Ehm, hi everyone! So, you guys apparently already know my name, so, uhm, makes it easier for me I suppose, eheheh…..

Liu Bei: Is this, is this real life? Or is this just A HORRIBLE DRUG-INDUCED FEVER NIGHTMARE?!

Zhao Yun: Calm down, my lord!

Zhang Fei: Xiahouji! I can't believe it…..IT IS YOU!

Xiahouji: LORD ZHANG FEI!

The two hugs

Everyone: vomits

Liu Bei: You….you just, LOOK AT THAT! Look at that, Zhao Yun. Look with your very two own eyes. BECAUSE I KNOW I DID!

Zhao Yun: Lord Liu Bei, I, I-

Liu Bei: Is this, is this even legal, Zhao Yun! Just, LOOK AT THEM! If Koei somehow didn't get pursued by the Child Protection Services after this, THEN WHAT'S THE USE FOR LIVING?!

Zhao Yun: My Lord, I-

Liu Bei: HAHAH! HAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAA! I knew it, I JUST KNEW IT! LIVING IS WORTHLESS! ALL LIVES ARE WORTHLESS! Eheh, AHAHAHAHA!

Zhao Yun: My Lord…..

Zhuge Liang: And so was his overreaction to a mere worthless add.

Zhao Yun: But he's right too, you know. I mean, THEY LITERALLY TURNED AN ABDUCTION AND RAPE TRAGEDY INTO A ROMANTIC LOVE STORY!

Zhuge Liang: I know…..I know, I mean, I vomited too when I saw them.

Zhao Yun: AND YET YOU STILL WON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT?!

Zhuge Liang: Well, what can I do?! I mean, sure, I can try to talk to Koei, but do you think they'll care?!

Zhao Yun: But if this goes on, Lord Liu Bei will kill himself!

Zhuge Liang: Well, where is the paper he heard all this from, anyway?

Zhao Yun: Here.

Zhuge Liang: Hmmm…..hey, wait a minute.

Liu Bei: GYAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! DIE, DIE, DIE! WE'LL ALL DIE! AHAHAHAHAAAAAA! I….I don't give A SHIT NOW! Who, who cares even if we'll get a relevant add eventually anyway?! Liao Hua? Zhang Ni? Wang Ping? spits AHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Curse, CURSE ALL OF THEM! FUCK 'EM ALL TO HELL! WE'RE ALL CURSED AND WILL GO TO HELL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Everyone: terrified as fuck

Zhuge Liang: Lord Liu Bei, please, listen!

Liu Bei: AND YOU'RE GOING TO HELL AS WELL! NO ONE IS-

Zhuge Liang: No, please, STOP, LORD LIU BEI, AND LISTEN TO ME!

Liu Bei: I…..snaps back to his senses …what?

Zhuge Liang: Here…..on this paper…..

Chen Gong: ….you forgot to read the rest…..

Zhuge Liang: …it says right here…..

Chen Gong: ….after the announcement of new adds…..

Zhuge Liang and Chen Gong: …..that the 'new adds' here are going to stay as UNPCS, unless if you buy them as DLC, packaged with each other.

Everyone (in both Shu and Other): …

And a horrifying sound was then heard across the country…..such was the scream of unparalleled suffering and terror, so much that mere words couldn't illustrate how horrifying it was, comparable to the sound of the apocalypse…no one knew what became of the people of Shu and Other…..but one can say for certain…..that it just wasn't their lucky day.

Okay, so I actually intended the previous chapter to be the last, BUT! I decided to make a bonus chapter after it was announced that the 4 UNPCS will be DLC and one person (davidkun799) suggested I make a chapter about it, so yeah! Thank you so much for your idea davidkun799!

Also I've actually already made this chapter like 2 weeks ago but for some fucknugget reasons FF dot net won't let me upload the damn document and I've been pretty busy thanks to school and unmotivated so I can only upload this now orz

Okay, now thank you for reading this fic to the end, please leave a review and have a good day!