Eleutheromania

by RayneKumo

Slow-burn Joniss. Katniss and Peeta are preparing for their second time around in the arena. Trying her best to make allies while also making sense of the reason for allies, she discovers that there may be a few potentially interesting candidates. Or just one really interesting candidate. The story of the true star crossed lovers, and how they come to be.

6. Chapter 6: Sehnucht

Hello everyone, I hope as always that you're enjoying the story so far. I am having fun jumping back and forth between Katniss and Johanna's point of view. I will probably continue doing that until the final chapter of this story. I want to show Johanna's perspective from the happenings in the last chapter, but I will include new material as well. Let me know what you think with a review, as they motivate me to write more, and thank you for reading!

Sehnsucht: A sickness caused by yearning or desire.

After the blood rain of hell we finally stumbled our way to the beach. As soon as we get out of the jungle and onto the sand I throw my head back and close my eyes, taking a deep breath of relief. 'Finally, a calm moment.'

Then I hear a voice shouting to my left.

"Johanna!"

It's Finnick, and he's running out of the jungle towards me. I shout back at him with the first real smile on my face since we came up into this arena.

'Well maybe not a calm moment… but a welcome one.'

It wasn't until he was halfway to us that I saw another figure walking out of the tree line, but it wasn't Mags, it was Peeta.

My breath caught in my throat and I held it, waiting to see if anyone else would come out. Sure enough, Katniss timidly stepped out and onto the beach. I let out the breath I was holding and looked back to Finnick who had just made it to me.

I briefly explained what happened to us in the jungle, and how Blight died. In the middle of my talking, Wiress was repeating that same damn mantra that she had been reciting since Blight's death.

She came up to me and grabbed my suit at the neck while repeating it, "Tick tock, tick tock". I lost my temper and pushed her away, only to almost immediately be shoved by Katniss. This completely took me off guard and I didn't have much patience left in me after everything that had happened, so I essentially shouted at her and told her that she was the reason I got them out safely. I didn't mean to say it because I know she doesn't really know anything, but I reacted out of hurt and anger.

We were separated by the boys pulling us in different directions, and I could hear her questioning what I just said to Peeta.

After a few minutes things calmed down and Finnick told me the gist of what happened while they were all together and how Mags died, while Katniss took Wiress out to the water to wash away the blood.

I felt a little guilty for how things happened with Katniss after thinking of how it must have seemed from her point of view. 'I know that she cares about Wiress, so it must have seemed like I was being a huge bitch earlier.'

I finally decided to go wash off and figured I would possibly try to smooth over the rocky start with Katniss. As soon as I got deep enough in the water I allowed my knees to bend all the way and I sank down beneath the surface. While underwater I shook my body like a dog would and ran my fingers through my hair.

When I came up, I flipped my head back and forth so that my hair wasn't as filled with water. I pulled my ax from the strap on my hip and inspected it for any dirt or filth that didn't come off just from going under.

There were a few places that had some tiny clumps of dirt, but it was mostly clean. It was then that Katniss decided to turn and speak to me, so I pretended like the ax was a little dirtier than it actually was so I would have an excuse to stay there for the conversation.

She asked about Beetee's wire coil and while I was answering her I kept my eyes on my ax, but I could feel her looking at me. I hope she didn't notice that I was only pretending to clean.

She says Beetee took a knife in the back for the coil and Wiress gets slightly distressed, repeating her mantra. I can't help but to roll my eyes and leave with a snarky comment.

I walk back up to the sand where Finnick is and collapse on my back next to him. He's sitting up with his arms wrapped around his knees. Right then lightning strikes the tall tree across the island from us, and we watch it for a moment before he speaks up.

"So are you two gonna kiss and make up?" He says this with an evil grin and glint in his eye.

I have my arm over my eyes to shield them from the sun, but I lift the arm slightly to glare at him. I don't mind being a little extra honest with Finnick, because I know he's a good person and he'd keep such a secret. "Unfortunately, I doubt it."

He raises his eyebrows in surprise at my honesty, and his smile widens further. "I wouldn't be so sure." He turns his head and Katniss is approaching us from the water with Wiress, but she's still sort of far off.. Peeta was walking aimlessly nearby but I don't think he could hear what we were saying. He comes closer to us and Finnick speaks up as if to act like we were talking about something else all along.

"So then the monkeys just charged at us, and we had to fight them off while trying to make it to the beach. The Morphling woman jumped out and saved Peeta right before he was monkey dinner, but her wounds from that attack were too severe."

Peeta looks sad to be hearing this part of the story and I can understand why, but I try to keep the conversation moving forward.

"Yikes, well it sounds like we've both been through hell and come out of that jungle painfully alive."

Just then Katniss makes it to us and intercepts herself into the space by telling us she's figured it all out, and will tell us on the way to the cornucopia.

I'm surprised by this sudden revelation and I'm interested to hear it, but I'm also so exhausted and the warm sand feels good, so I'm hesitant to follow her orders. I think of saying something when she continues, "I know you all are fatigued and hurt, I am too, but please trust me when I say we need to start moving now rather than later."

I remove my arm from my eyes completely and look at her fully. She's standing with her arms crossed and her hip cocked to one side a bit. Her eyebrows are in a worried expression, like she's unsure if we're going to go along with it. I don't want to let her anxiety fester any further so I tell her to lead the way as I get up and slap the sand off of myself.

I decide to brush her shoulder with mine as I pass, and I don't look back to see her reaction, but I look to my left to see Peeta's. He doesn't look very pleased, in fact, he looks rather agitated.

'Whoops, did I do that?'

I don't dwell on it for long. I walk to the water where we'll have to swim to get there, and I stop to turn and wait for Katniss to go in front of me. She does and when she gets out of the shallow area of the water she starts to freestyle stroke towards the cornucopia pathways. She's moving pretty quick and something inside me wants to see if I can swim just as fast if not faster than her. I start to stroke towards the goal as well, putting in extra effort to move swiftly.

After 30 seconds or so I can tell that I'm right on her heels, just a little more and I'll have caught up to her.

However, instead of catching up to her, I end up running right into her as she stops abruptly. The crash makes her go under and makes me flail a bit, especially because she grabbed my suit to help stabilize herself.

I sputter out a curse at her as we try to get a grip on ourselves. She manages to get a hold of the rock platform under the water first, and she reaches out a hand to grab my arm and pull me towards it.

It's a little overkill and I go forward a bit too far, causing her face and mine to be centimeters apart for a few seconds as I reach for the rock.

I end up touching her hand that's holding on instead, and I'm so flustered that I jerk away with an "Ah!" before readjusting my hand so that I finally have a hold of it.

Then I pull myself forward at the same time that Katniss moves her leg, and it just happens to go in between mine. 'What series of fuckery events is this!?'

I let out an involuntary noise when her knee connected with my groin, and I fought to not squeeze my legs together, trapping hers.

I heard her suck in a breath and I removed myself from her leg and finally got a hand and foot on the formation beneath the waves. But we were already so in each other's space, and the energy between us had already charged up.

I looked into her gray eyes and it was impossible to stop myself from moving just a few centimeters closer to her. 'Holy shit, I can't believe it. We're so close that we would kiss if we were pushed even slightly by the force of a wave.'

I glanced down at her lips for a second, and when she does the same I feel heat flow through my face and down my body. My breathing shortens and I tell myself that I'm not daft enough to not recognize that she's into this. Whatever this is. I don't want to waste it.

I use the foot I have supported on the rock to leverage my body in a way so that I can softly raise my leg through the water and towards her.

My knee makes contact first with the inside of one of her legs, and I seize the moment by creeping my leg up gently. I hear her breath catch and I see her eyes darken slightly. I decide that it's now or never. 'I'm going to kiss h-'

"Johanna! Katniss! A little help please?!" Finnick is right behind us swimming up with the coil outstretched towards me.

'Curse you Finnick! I'll kill you if these games don't.' I reach out for the coil and snatch it angrily from his hands while giving him a dark look before throwing it onto the platform. He returns my look with one of confused fear, but hoists himself up anyway and turns around to offer me a hand up. I take it and I'm heavy once again as we are on solid land. I bent over with my hands on my knees to catch my breath again and I heard Peeta and Katniss talk for a second but I didn't hear what they said.

She's the last one to come up onto the platform, and I feel as though I'm still trying to calm my erratic heart from our moment earlier.

I try my best not to show that I was phased in any way, and look anywhere but at her until the heat subsides. She starts walking towards the cornucopia and we all file in line behind her as she talks and tells us her theory.

It makes total sense, and I have to admit that I'm rather impressed by her figuring it all out just based on Wiress's annoying mantra. I'm staring at her while she finishes talking, and she looks very proud of herself. She glances over at me and I don't try to hide the impressed look on my face.

This seems to make her stand up even taller, and be even more confident. 'Very cute…I may be in trouble here. I'm getting in way over my head with these feelings, but I don't know how to stop feeling this way.'

I'm thankful for the distraction when we all gather around to discuss the giant clock in the sand. While we're talking, Peeta responds rather interestingly to something that Finnick says, and I'm suddenly very skeptical of Katniss and Peeta's relationship. Before I can give it any more thought, we turn to see Wiress's life stolen by the hands of Gloss, who has stabbed her in the chest.

I'm so shocked that I don't think to move to kill him or help Wiress, as it's obvious that it's too late for her. Katniss doesn't seem to struggle with her reflexes though as she fires the fastest arrow I've ever seen straight into his chest, and they both fall back into the water.

I can finally feel the adrenaline surge through me and when I turn to my left I see another enemy coming out of the water and towards Katniss. I don't hesitate to push Katniss aside and swing down at the oncoming girl as hard as I can with my ax. I managed to connect and hit her on her shoulder with enough force that the ax went through to her collar bone.

She fell in a heap and I knew she wasn't getting up. I looked up and saw Katniss start running towards Finnick and Peeta so I took off after her but suddenly the island started to spin. All of us fell and grabbed onto what we could to not go flying into the water. Katniss fell right next to me, and I saw her bow go spiraling away. I still had my ax in my right hand and the other on a pretty sturdy hold.

The island began to spin faster and I could tell that Katniss was losing her grip on the rocks. She slipped and her body flipped once as she started to fall. I shouted "No! Katniss!" as I outstretched my hand for her, snagging hers just in time.

I held on with every ounce of strength I possessed, shifting my right hand to slam my ax into the rocks for more stability.

She looked absolutely terrified, and she had a similarly strong grip on my hand too, until she looked over me towards Peeta. I screamed "Hold on!" over the roar of the water, but she must've seen something that scared her because her hand loosened for just a millisecond and she slipped from my grasp.

I watched her plummet backwards, and I felt the tears sting my eyes as I continued to hold on for dear life. 'It's all ruined. If Katniss is dead we may not have a chance for change. No chance to overcome the capitol and President Snow. No chance to explore these possibly unrequited feelings for her…Shit! I feel like I'm about to puke! Stop the spinning!'

As if my thoughts were heard by the universe, the island slowed to a halt and all of the water sloshed about dramatically against the rock pathways and main island.

I jumped up immediately and turned to see if I could find her in the water, my anxiety making me hold my breath. I could barely make out bubbles beside one of the paths at the end and I took off in a run towards it.

She surfaced from below and took a very loud inhale for oxygen before swimming to the platform.

I was the first to make it to her and I got there when she pulled herself up and onto the rocks. She lay there coughing and spewing for a few seconds and I holstered my ax as I crouched down next to her. I silently put my hand on her back and made small, comforting movements. I was still pretty shaken up but I could recognize that she of course had it worse, so I thought it best not to speak.

Peeta came running up behind me and quickly leaned down in front of me, putting his hand on her back, so I removed mine out of insecurity. He began to fret over her and I had to grapple with the multitude of emotions that were coursing through me.

No matter what strange incidents have happened between her and I, I can't just assume that their relationship isn't real. I feel as though I've been put in my place in this moment, and I can't help the awkwardness of my demeanor. I try to quell the anger and jealousy that rises in me from seeing how Peeta worries over her, but it comes out in biting words.

"Let's just get what we need and get off the bloody island."

'I know I probably sound like a bitch, but honestly I'm just glad that she's alive.'

I'm surprised that she sort of detaches herself from him and begins walking ahead of him. We make eye contact as she passes by me, and I couldn't be more grateful that I get to see those gray eyes full of life even just one more time.

We make our way to the cornucopia and gather supplies before swimming back to the beach. Once we get there we all collapse in the sand by the tree line. We lay there just breathing for a couple of minutes, until Katniss speaks up.

"So besides Brutus and Enobaria, who's left?"

We begin to discuss our circumstances when there's a scream from what sounds like a little girl in the jungle. Katniss shouts "Prim!" before sprinting off after it.

Finnick is the first to go after her and I curse my body for its delayed reactions as of late. Finnick makes it to her first, and I can see them talk in the distance before he goes running in a different direction instead with Katniss on his heel. I change the trajectory of my running as they go through the foliage, but then I lose sight of them.

I stand with Peeta and Beetee not far behind me, looking every which way. We decide to run back towards the beach and wait for them. Right before we go through a small path Beetee grabs both my suit and Peeta's on the back to stop us. He points ahead and says "There's a forcefield right there, if you touch it, it might kill you."

I look up and can barely make out the shimmer of the forcefield, but he's right, it's there.

"Thank you Beetee, you really saved us." Peeta puts his arm on Beetee's shoulder when he says this, and I remembered Finnick telling me briefly about how Peeta hit a forcefield and almost died.

It doesn't take long before we see their silhouettes rushing through the brush at us, with at least a hundred Jabberjays swooping down at them and flying around them.

Right then, the forcefield seems to extend into a giant wall along the landscape. If they keep coming, they'll run right into it.

We all shout at them while holding up our hands in a "stop" sort of gesture.

They slow down as they approach, but still come in contact with the forcefield when they get to it. It thankfully doesn't shock them, but now it's as if they're trapped on that side, being tortured by these birds.

She looks absolutely tortured and panicked, and there's a pang in my heart for her. If my family were alive, I would definitely lose it a little with this brutal attack. It's probably not just Prim's voice but everyone back home that she loves.

Peeta tries to shout comforting words to her as she drops into a kneeling fetal position, but she can't hear us and we can't hear what's going on on that side. All we can do at this point is wait it out.

As soon as the hour is up, the force field disappears and the sudden ability to hear the other half of this area is jarring. It takes me a second to adjust as I grab my ears and open then close my jaw repeatedly to help with the adjustment.

I can now hear Katniss too, and she is mumbling "Prim" over and over. I take a step towards her but Peeta beats me to it as he rushes to her side. I decide to go comfort Finnick for a minute until all I can hear is Peeta's voice.

He's practically shouting at Katniss that nothing is going to happen to her family or Prim, that they're safe. She doesn't seem to believe him or maybe she's just not even registering what he's saying in her state of shock.

I hate seeing her like this, so I take a few steps towards her and try to project my voice so she hears it well.

"Your fiance's right. The whole country loves your sister. If they tortured her or did anything to her…forget the districts, there would be riots in the damned capitol."

She's looking at me with those beautiful wide eyes, full of fear and apprehension. What I said seems to help though as I can see her body language relax slightly.

I can feel the familiar rage for revenge well up inside of me at this latest stunt by the gamemakers. At all of the awful things that the capitol and Snow have done to innocent people. Riots in the capitol sound pretty good, and before I know it I'm shouting up at the sky, at Snow.

I threaten to set his backyard ablaze, and when I'm done with my screaming rant I look around at the group.

They all have wide-eyed expressions that have a bit of trepidation within them. I can tell they're worried for me and any repercussions my family may face at home from this declaration of mine.

"What? They can't hurt me…there's no one left that I love."

As I say this, I'm unsure why, but I look at Katniss and allow myself the fleeting thought of a world where I would be free to fall in love with her. A world where I wouldn't have to fear for her life every minute of every day if I did love her. I want to create that world.

I look away quickly and push the thought away just as fast. We need to all survive this arena before we can even consider a future outside these walls. I want to be alone for a minute so I mumble to Katniss that I'll go get her some water and I trudge away.

As I walk I start slashing away at the plants that hinder my stride, trying to take out my frustrations in any way that I can. I realize that I revealed the fact that my family is dead to everyone back there. Finnick knew already, and I assume Beetee heard through the grapevine, but Katniss and Peeta didn't know.

My only hope is that they don't treat me differently or give me any pitiful looks of sympathy. I don't like to be perceived as weak in any way, so I don't usually show any vulnerability around others. 'I guess when I get mad, it's easier to let the truths come out.'

I finally come across a fruit tree and I look on the ground around it for any old fallen pieces. Sure enough there's the outer shell casing of an old fruit that's turned hard. I break a few pieces off the top of it so that it resembles a small bowl.

I walk closer to the beach before I stab the spile into a thicker tree close by. I then hit it deeper in with the back of my ax, and water starts to flow from it which I carefully collect into the shell.

I try to walk as gracefully as I can over a small hill to the beach so that I don't spill any of the water. I happen to come up right behind where Katniss and Beetee are sitting.

She must be really zoned out because when I approach from behind, she jumps a little and reaches for her bow.

I give her a reassuring grin and hand her the half shell. She looks quite surprised, but pleasantly so as she drinks the water down quickly after mumbling a "thank you".

I stoop down next to her and look out at the water where I can see Finnick just kneeling in the small waves, staring out at nothing.

'If we do live through this, I hope that we are able to recover and heal mentally one day.'

I'm lost in my thoughts when Katniss asks me about Annie.

I'm not really surprised that she asked, because she just heard Finnick screaming Annie's name while chasing the Jabberjays.

I think about it for a moment, and I decide that I can trust Katniss at least a little with Finnick's truth, but I can't trust the world. So knowing we could be on camera right now, I need to be subtle. First the basics need to be told.

"Annie Cresta. The girl Mags volunteered for. She won four years…five years ago." I messed up my words for a second and I realized four years ago it was my games, not hers.

Katniss pauses for a beat before asking "Is she the one that went a little…"

I think it's funny that she doesn't want to say the word "crazy", so I look at her and smile before saying "Mmm-hmm".

I really think about Annie then and how I came to know her and Finnick.

I remember seeing Finnick win his games as a young boy for the 65th, and I felt sad that someone only slightly older than me was forced to kill to survive. The woman that he declared as his lover, Annie, consequently got reaped five years after that, and won. Miraculously.

After my games (the 71st), I was of course paraded around the capitol like a rare animal that everyone wants to pet. Though they didn't like me for long, because any hands that tried to pet got bitten.

It was in the capitol that I met him. He was with Annie at the time, and she was much worse off then than she is now. She kept her eyes downcast then and she jerked away from you if you accidentally touched her or reached out for her, even casually.

I didn't get to talk to her much, but I remember Finnick always acting like her shield. Like he had to protect her. They never really acted like lovers though. It was rare for them to hold hands or hold each other, and the kisses they shared were a little forced.

Every year we had to do the victor's tour, and every year she seemed calmer and more sociable. I would even say we became friends. Finnick was a part of this friendship of course, and we got a good kick out of making fun of the capitol freaks whenever we got to see each other.

It wasn't until last year actually that Finnick revealed to me in private that Annie was just his best friend in the whole world, and he was gay.

I was surprised but not blown away by the information. In return for his secret, I gave him mine in return, that I was bi-sexual. Well…I used to think I was bi-sexual, but now I'm pretty sure I'm gay.

Finnick was the only person I ever told that to, and one of the only friends that I felt I could confide in about it.

Katniss snaps me out of my reverie by asking how long Finnick and Annie have been together.

I decide to tell her what I know of their story, without jeopardizing any lies that he has worked to uphold. I'm confident that I can throw out enough hints that Katniss will get my drift, and she does.

"Holy cow….so…?" She says when I pause in the middle of my story. I know what she's asking, and her mouth is hanging open just so, with her eyes wide and full of glee from learning this bit of gossip.

"Nope. To top it off, Annie just so happened to get reaped five years later. She's so kind…and she witnessed a beheading before she won by chance when all of the other victors were drowned. The capitol has had a monopoly on Finnick and Annie's pain their entire lives."

When I finish talking Katniss turns her head towards the water, then drops her head and closes her eyes while she clenches her fists. I can see her expression change to one of rage, and her hands shake with how hard she's squeezing. 'I think we have a lot more in common than I originally thought.'

Then just like that she takes a deep breath and lets out a long exhale. I can feel the infatuation I have for her roar within me, and I try to distract myself away from those thoughts.

She turns her head to look at me and I tell her not to blab about what I told her, to which she insinuates that she doesn't even know what I'm talking about.

This makes me throw my head back in a laugh that I haven't made in years. It feels so good to be with her in this moment, just talking and laughing. I wish it could be like this all of the time.

I look over at her and she has her head down a little looking at the sound, but a small smile is on her face and her cheeks are red. I have the urge to keep up this rapport, and I also suddenly remembered my urge to know the truth about her and Peeta's relationship.

I feel like I need to know. It's possible that neither a yes or no answer would help me, and either would actually only serve to hurt me somehow, but I still want the truth. I try to bring it up in one fell swoop. "So there you go, the story of Finnick and Annie. Star–crossed lovers, just like you and your fiance, right?"

All she does is stare at me for a straight thirty seconds, and I can feel my nerves fraying as each one ticks away. Then she finally speaks, but it's not an answer to my question, but another question.

"Do you want to go for a short walk down the beach with me?"

I'm absolutely gobsmacked by her sudden asking, and I stutter out a "S-sure" before grabbing the hand that she offers me to help me stand.

She keeps her hand in mine for a tiny amount of time longer than would be considered normal, nobody else would probably notice it, but I definitely noticed.

I decided to take the lead as I currently had a lot of energy coursing through me. She falls in step next to me and we start a slow stride along the water.

Eventually she begins to speak, and it's in a low volume that can barely be heard, but I strain my ears so hard that I think I feel them move a little.

She tells me the brief overview of her and Peeta getting together, but the way she's putting emphasis on her words makes it obvious that there's extra meaning behind everything.

When she says "Haymitch, Effie, Peeta and I are all an even closer family this time around", I know I finally have my answer.

'She doesn't love him like that! Holy shit!'

I try to push down my inner excitement, but I feel like I could run around this beach twenty times. I know I need to say something and not leave her hanging, so I say "I see…well I'm truly sorry that you two will never get to utter your mushy 'I do's' to each other."

I can't break the smile on my face into a frown or even something neutral, the feeling is so strong.

But then she says that she wouldn't make a good wife anyway, and I find the ability to frown comes quite easily.

I admit that I don't know much about Katniss beyond what I've heard and seen on the TV, but I've been around her enough to know that she's a pretty good person. I find it difficult to locate any flaws in her character or see any reason as to why she wouldn't be a good wife.

'Maybe she has a lot of qualities in her day to day life that can get annoying. Like she never does the dishes, or she snores crazy loud, or maybe she even abuses animals!?...no…I know for sure that she's not that kind of person. As far as the other things are concerned, I honestly don't think those are reasons to disregard her as a wife candidate..'

An image comes unbidden to my brain, and it's Katniss and I sleeping next to each other in a bed, while she snores away unconscious. I'm her big spoon and I have my mouth resting on her shoulder. I find her snoring endearing, comforting even. So I just smile as I hold her and drift away soundly.

Thinking about it causes a fluttering in my chest and belly, and I can't help the notion that loving Katniss would be very easy. I've never loved anyone romantically before, so I can't say for sure, but I do know that I'd try for her.

The question is, would she think of me as someone that she could be in a relationship with? Or just someone to flirt with before her possible doom?

"Love is weird." I say right before we turn around to walk back.

We make half of the trip in silence, absorbed in our own thoughts.

Then, in an attempt to inch a little closer to her, I accidentally grazed her hand with mine.

She doesn't show any sign that she even noticed, until I feel the back of her hand lightly glance off of my knuckles. If I didn't know any better, I would think that it was just another mishap. But I do know better…I know Katniss likes to be a little coy, and she never fails to respond in some way to my coquettish actions.

'So be it. Even if I'm just someone to distract her for the time being, I'm willing to be that person. If it means I get to spend more time with her.'

I see a small pebble in my path and I think of using this as an opportunity to touch her again. I move to kick it ahead of us and in doing so I manage to carefully swing my hand up just right and caress her palm with my fingertips.

She smiles and when we get close to the pebble she does something similar.

We continue this back and forth touching game until we make it back to the others, who look exhausted and not quite as energetic as we seem to be. I try to make my face and demeanor seem more somber and serious.

When we get close enough, Beetee wastes no time in pushing his glasses up on his face and speaking, "I have a plan." I holler for Finnick to come up from the water and join us. He jogs up to where we are and we huddle around a shady spot by the trees.

Beetee tells us his plan to run the coil from the beach to the lightning tree, and electrocute the last remaining enemies.

I look at Finnick while we consider the plan, and I try to convey an expression that says "This is it…I need to know what the real plan is for how we're getting out of this mess and not die in the process."

He seems like he understands me as he nods just barely.

"Well it's better than hunting them down." I say to get the positive votes rolling. Katniss and Peeta agree too.

We disperse for a break and thankfully Katniss goes to talk to Peeta so that Beetee, Finnick, and I can speak privately. I know that all the cameras will be on them as the lead romantic couple, so we don't have to be as discreet in our language..

'Ha! Like they're even a real couple.' I grunt in my head smugly.

I go sit on the sand next to Beetee who sits on the coil. Finnick stands a few feet away and throws small rocks that he finds into the water while Beetee begins talking.

"So…the lightning tree is a tremendously interesting addition to this year's arena. No doubt the gamemaker considered its usefulness in providing plenty of..entertainment..in these games. Why, I dare say there's enough energy in that lightning to cause even the strongest force field to malfunction…"

He's speaking calmly and casually. I think about his words and I look at the coil that he has rolled through the sand to be more conductive.

I don't fully understand what he's getting at, so I ask a question to press the explanation further. "So how can we fully use this to our advantage in the long run?"

He pushes his glasses up again before he begins to doodle in the sand with a medium length stick. "I'm going to tell Katniss and Peeta that the plan is we'll have you and Katniss take the coil from the tree to the beach and place it in the water, and I'll have Finnick and Peeta stay with me. However, this isn't exactly how things need to go…There could be a chance that we defeat our enemies without this plan, and we could utilize the lightning in a different, possibly more effective way."

I stay silent for a minute to gather my thoughts and connect the dots. Beetee changes the subject using an inquisitive tone. "How important do you think she is to everything that's going on out there?" He glances up at Katniss and then back to the sand.

I give a completely honest answer, "I would say she's pretty imperative. I don't know if things can successfully change without her."

His mouth ticks up in a grin as he says "Exactly right. Unfortunately nothing is going to change unless something drastic happens. There are already individuals out there who have taken the necessary measures to ensure a promising future, but they need the help of all the people. Katniss is currently a symbol of hope for the people, yet she is under the control of the capitol. As we all are, and the five of us are trapped in this arena."

Finnick speaks up all of a sudden, "And it's not like we could all run away and hide, especially right now when we have these trackers in our arms. I wish we could just cut them out." He grabs one of the stones in his hand and tries to skip it across the water before eyeing me.

Beetee says the next part as if he's just talking to himself, "If only we could find some way to get Katniss out of this situation and connect her to the individuals that are seeking change."

I take in everything that both of them have said, and I think I get the gist of it. We need to somehow get Katniss out of this arena, remove the tracker in her arm, and shut down these games so there can't be just a single survivor. 'But how do we escape the arena?..' I think about it for a few more seconds and my eyes fall on the coil that Beetee is sitting on. That's when it all clicks. We'll utilize the lightning to destroy the dome's force field, then we could escape. Though we would definitely need the help of an outside group to get away without the peacekeepers catching us.

I notice Beetee is tapping on the sand with the stick that he was drawing with earlier.

I look at the drawing he made and a bomb goes off in my head. It's a mockingjay! Just like the one on the watch that Plutarch had.

'Finally. I understand almost exactly what we need to do. But how are we all going to get out? Even with the help of Plutarch, we would have to cut the trackers out of all of our arms and get picked up simultaneously..does Finnick plan on cutting out Peeta's tracker?'

I feel a new sense of resolve fill me up. I know that the top priority is to get Katniss out, and I have to be the one that removes her tracker. So it will have to look like I'm attacking her..and that's why we need to separate her from Peeta, because he might try to kill me for "attacking" her. I wish we could explain everything to them first, but if we did, Snow would kill us before we could even attempt to cut the devices out.

Finnick contributes to the conversation once again. "Katniss and Peeta won't go along with being separated easily. I think they're wary of being with the group after the enemies are eliminated. They're afraid we'll turn on each other and they don't want to kill any of us, or risk us killing them."

Beetee responds quickly, "Yes, well that's why you both are going to help me convince them. As long as we reassure them that they will be back together by midnight…it'll work."

I bite my lip and stand up to start pacing around Beetee. "I agree. I'll handle Katniss, Finnick you take care of Peeta. We can do this."

'I don't see why I couldn't cut hers out but then quickly cut mine out also. That way she won't just think I'm trying to kill her and she'll maybe listen to an explanation as we run away.' I resolve to attempt this idea when the moment comes.

I look up to Katniss and Peeta on the sand and I see them holding hands and laughing. The sight makes my jealousy flare up, so I shout "All right, lovebirds!", to make them let go and stand up to come over to where we are. Thankfully it works and once they get to us Beetee stands and looks around at everyone before saying "Is everyone ready to go?" To which everybody either nods their head yes or says it out loud. "Then let's do it."

Beetee and Finnick lead the way, with Peeta in the middle, and Katniss and I in the rear.

It's already dark, and after walking for a little bit the telltale sound of the nightly death toll orchestra begins to play in the sky.

Giant holographic images of the dead victors shine over us, and we solemnly watch as the faces of Mags, Blight, Wiress, and the Morphling appear and disappear. When the last face disappears from the sky, we steel ourselves, turn back around, and keep walking.

After a while we make it to the big tree, and it looks almost like a series of many thinner trees bundled into one.

Beetee stares at it and raises his glasses as he says "Minimal charring. It's an impressive conductor…Let's get started." He starts walking towards the tree and wrapping it with the coil. "Typically a lightning strike contains five billion joules of energy. We don't want to be anywhere in the vicinity when this hits."

We each work to help wrap the tree in the coil, and we end up using over half of the spool, and over half the time we have left. The beach isn't too far but I wonder if it would actually reach there. If we were really going there.

Beetee wraps the last section of the tree and then looks up at me and Katniss, "You two girls, go together now. Take this. Unspool it carefully, make sure the entire coil is in the water. You understand?"

Katniss jerks her head towards me with her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. I knew this moment would come, but I'm starting to get more anxious by the second. I try to keep my face neutral as Beetee continues and Katniss turns her head back to him.

"Then head to the tree at the 2 o'clock sector. We'll meet you there."

Katniss looks at Peeta with fear in her eyes, and I can tell she's uncomfortable with the plan.

Peeta can too, and he speaks up, "I'm gonna go with them as a guard."

Beetee is quick to respond, "No, no, no. You're staying here to protect me…and the tree."

Peeta is becoming agitated now, and I can almost feel the suspicion rolling off of them in waves. "No, I need to go with her."

Finnick takes a step in his direction, and Beetee raises his voice as he replies "There are two Careers out there. I need two guards."

Peeta's still not having it. "Finnick can protect you just fine on his own."

Katniss hastily adds in, "Yeah, why can't Finnick and Johanna stay with you and Peeta and I'll take the coil?"

I'm a little hurt that she is so desperately against going with me for this plan, but I remind myself that she doesn't know what we're trying to do, and could be thinking that we're separating them to kill them more easily.

Beetee, Finnick, and I all glance around at each other, before Beetee approaches her. "You all agreed to keep me alive till midnight, correct?" He looks down at her over his glasses, and she looks back, irritated.

I interject, hoping to dissuade some of the tension. "It's his plan, and we all agreed to it."

Then Finnick steps forward like some kind of bouncer and says "Is there a problem here?"

Beetee chimes in right after, "Excellent question."

He stares Katniss right in her eyes, trying to make her submit to the urgings of all three of us.

I can see her clench her jaw before she says "No. There's no problem."

She then walks over to Peeta and grabs his hand before leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek. I can tell she's whispered something to him, but I couldn't make it out. Out loud she says "I'll see you at midnight."

I want to puke at the sight of their affection, even if Katniss alluded that it wasn't romantic affection.

I loudly declare "All right, let's go!" before picking up the coil and leading the walk into the jungle. Katniss falls in line behind me and we begin our trek.

As one would imagine, it's not flat terrain on the way to the beach, but instead full of hills, boulders, and streams.

We're quiet for most of the trip, and I feel like I'm just biding my time. When we would come across a particularly slippery or dangerous area, I would traverse it first before turning around and offering her my hand. Sometimes she would hand me her bow to hold while she did it herself, and other times she would grab my hand and allow me to pull her up or across. We took turns holding the coil, trying to let it unroll smoothly.

I want to extend this time with her as much as possible before I have to cut out our trackers. I try to think of something I could say that might ease some of the aggravated energy that's still hovering around us from earlier.

"You know, I'm sure Beetee had his reasons for separating us like he did. He's a really smart guy, and I hope you know his intentions aren't evil or anything.."

I guess that wasn't the most convincing thing to say, because she snaps her head up to look at me before replying.

"No, I hardly know Beetee at all, so how could I ever know his true intentions? Just because he's smart doesn't mean he's right, or that he's trustworthy, especially here. Why should I believe that you all have our best interests at heart?"

She looks genuinely curious for the answer to the last question, like the answer would help her find something she's missing. I think hard about what to say while we're still navigating this jungle.

"Well, what if I told you…that yo-" I'm cut off by the abrupt stop Katniss made next to me, and the noise of the wire going taut draws my eyes through the trees.

She yanks with the coil a couple of times, "There's something…"

My heart starts banging against my rib cage as I see what's happening. Sure enough, the wire snaps, and Katniss stumbles backwards a bit.

Everything happened so rapidly after that. I see the enemies before Katniss does, and I realize that it's now or never. The wire is snapped, and I'm not sure that we can fight them by ourselves, cut the trackers out, and make it back to the tree all by midnight. She has just two arrows left and I only have my one ax.

Katniss draws her bow with an arrow, and I can feel the panic rise up like bile in my throat. 'We're running out of time!'

I throw my thoughts away and just act. I step forward and slam Katniss in the back of the head with the handle of my ax. She goes down hard and is moving slowly, disoriented while trying to recover. So I climb on top of her and straddle her waist. She's too weak to fight me off and is just groaning and bucking a little.

I hate what I'm doing but I can't turn back now. I grab her arm and make as fast and clean of a cut as I can, just enough to pull the tracker out. She screams in agony at the pain of the cut, and I can feel the tears come to my eyes as I cover her mouth with one hand and use the other to cover her neck and face in her own blood, essentially making it look like she's fatally wounded.

'If they think she's dead and I attack them, they'll follow me wherever I go to finish the job of killing me. As long as Katniss makes it back to where Beetee is, that's all that matters.'

She is still confused and trying to fight me, so I'm trying to shush her as gently as possible, and I whisper "Stay down!" to her while pushing her into the ground.

I look up and I can see the two enemies getting closer, and I can also see the extra weapons in their hands and murder in their eyes. I know that if I cut my tracker out too, I'll have to do it somewhere safe where I don't need to have my arm to possibly fight, but I need to lead them away from her. I also need to dump Katniss' tracker somewhere away from here.

"Katniss, listen to me. I'm sorry, okay? After I run and they follow, you need to go back to the tree. Can you hear me? Go to the lightning tree, Peeta should be there too…" She still seems disoriented, but she's looking me in the eyes, bewildered. "Take care of yourself, Everdeen..."

And with that I lift myself off of her and take a few steps away before I throw my ax at them with an angry scream. It misses and hits a tree, and I take off towards the beach, trying to lead them as far away from her as possible, and it works. They look at her bloody prone form before they both start to chase after me, sprinting.

I run as fast as I can, weaving between the trees. I can hear them about 15 yards behind me. As we're running, I see a familiar broken branch near a sloping drop off, and I realize where we are. I take advantage of this knowledge and when I get right up on the drop off I slow down and turn right, jogging along the edge.

I look down in the distance at the bottom, and there it is. The pond.

I sprint until I'm aligned with it, before beginning a rapid slide/run down the hill. I glance back, and just as I had hoped, they're mimicking my descent.

I keep going, trying my best not to trip, and the downhill momentum causes each of us to move faster and faster.

This is exactly what I wanted. I purposefully slow down by digging my feet into the ground and grabbing trees with my hands. They are still moving with gusto, and at this point they're only 3 yards away from me, and I only 1 yard away from the target.

I take two abrupt steps to the left and jump, letting my body roll the rest of the way like a barrel.

Brutus managed to shift his run towards me, but Enobaria wasn't prepared for the change in direction and was still in a full run when she slammed into the force field surrounding the pond. The same force field that killed Blight.

She was sent flying backwards along with her weapons and left shaking on the ground.

My body finally came to a stop from rolling, and when I look up, I could see him running towards her.

She quit shaking, with now lifeless open eyes and foam running from her mouth. He stopped short of reaching her, realizing that she's a lost cause, before turning back towards me.

He yells in rage and starts to come after me. I don't have a weapon and he has two, a sword and a spear, and I feel a pain in my right leg when I hastily try to stand to run. I look down and there's a massive gash in my calf, one too big for me to repeatedly step with it untreated.

'Shit! Not good. If I can get to the long dagger that Enobaria dropped, I can kill this fucker!'

I turn my body around and let my right hand dig into the earth as he's approaching me with the spear poised above his head. I curl my fingers in and grab as much sandy soil as I can before jerking my hand up and throwing it in his face. He screams and stumbles back while he brings his arm up over his eyes, trying to blink and rub the dirt out. I know it won't be long before he charges at me again.

I jump up and hop on my good leg towards the dagger. I make it there but I fall on the ground when I reach out for it. I push myself forward with my good leg, stretch out my fingers once more, and they wrap around the handle.

I can hear him running up on me, and I know that it's do or die in this moment. I go straight from grabbing the dagger to slinging my arm over my head, letting go where I think he'll be.

He was an arms length away from me when I threw it, and he successfully sliced my shoulder with the spear when he thrust it down.

I howled in pain with the spear against me, as I watched him choke on his own blood, the dagger having luckily penetrated his throat. He let go of the spear and dropped the sword, grasping desperately at his neck, blood coating his entire front. He then dropped to his knees before hitting the ground with a 'thunk'.

I pull my body away from the spear that was still lodged in the earth, and lie on my back with my eyes closed, breathing heavily.

'Okay so, I'm injured. Bad. I've lost a lot of blood, and it's gotta be minutes until midnight. I need to cut out my tracker, but I don't think that's the smartest idea with how much blood I've already lost. I wonder if Katniss made it back to the tree with Beetee and the others…'

I know that I shouldn't attempt to walk with this injury, but I can't just stay here on the ground. I rip the middle portion of my suit off, and gingerly wrap it around my calf. I tie it off tight, and grab the spear lodged in the ground to use as a walking stick.

I managed to hobble my way up the hill that we came down with an enormous amount of effort, and when I made it to the top I started in the direction that I came from when I left Katniss.

After walking for a few minutes, I see the coil lying on the ground, and I pick up speed to follow it back to the tree, gritting my teeth in pain the whole time. I know I'm getting close, but so is midnight. I can see the storm clouds gathering overhead, and I hasten my step to the point that I'm hopping desperately again like I did to get to that dagger.

I come into an area where the trees aren't as dense, and I can see the big lightning tree in the distance.

I can also see Katniss, knelt down, and wrapping the coil around something in her hand that I can't quite see. She's already finishing it off though and stands up. I can make out a figure collapsed on the ground nearby her, and I'm assuming it's someone from our group. The clouds are thicker than ever above us and I can hear the thunder rumbling.

That's when I see what she had done, and I watch as she pulls her now coiled arrow through her bow. 'She's too close to that damned tree! When it strikes it could hit her too!' I open my mouth to scream but I don't have to, because I see and hear Finnick coming out in the same area, shouting for her to get away from the tree.

She doesn't listen, with her eyes on the prize she pulls the arrow as far as it will go, and releases a millisecond before the lightning strikes.

I watch as the arrow flies through the dark sky, the wire trailing behind it. The lightning is so powerful it sends her and Finnick flying backwards, and the electric charge travels up the wire following the arrow. It strikes the dome at the perfect time, and my jaw drops as the force field and the dome itself start to crumble from the inside out.

Large pieces of it are falling into the arena and I'm nearly crushed by a large chunk falling next to me.

I start limping towards Katniss' body lying prone on the ground, and I nearly make it there, but right before I make it to her, one of the giant claws like the ones that picks up dead tributes comes down from a ship and grabs her.

I pick up the pace but it's too late, she's already 7 or so yards off the ground.

"Katniss! Katniss!" I know it's futile but I reach my hand out for her, and I can see that her body is limp while she's facing towards the ground, but her eyes are open and she's looking at me.

She just barely moves her arm and stretches it as much as she can towards me as she gets further and further away.

I smile and a laugh escapes me, while tears run down my face.

'She's out. We did it…She's gonna be okay.'

I can hear them now. The peacekeepers. I couldn't cut the tracker out of my arm, and I have nowhere to run. They'll be on me in a moment. Will they kill me? Or just keep me around to torture for information? It doesn't matter.

I feel oddly at peace, and I let myself collapse on the ground while the world falls around me. I close my eyes and I realize just how exhausted I've been since that very first cannon went off.

I can feel myself losing consciousness, and my last thoughts before everything goes black is of Katniss and I, spooning in bed.