Big thanks to Vivianne95 and Red05, the most loyal minions and also Bellatrix Black (twice), Guest, Guest, Varg Ian and toile grant. Enjoy :) SuchaNarcissist

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§Parseltongue§

Bold is notes or screaming, it should be pretty obvious which.

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Be careful making wishes in the dark, dark,
Can't be sure when they've hit their mark,
And besides in the mean, mean time,
I'm just dreaming of tearing you apart.

My Songs know what you did in the dark – Fall Out Boy

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From a doorway in the Malfoy household a pair of bulbous yellow eyes gleamed- staring intently at their owner, the over sized and vaguely floppy ears had seconds previously heard the name of his hero and now he wanted to hear more about Lord Harry the Great saviour of all house elves and wizards, the owner of both the eyes and the ears had heard so much about Harry from another elf, one who had met the great Harry Potter who had brought back little gifts from the generous saviour. Rummy- for that was his name- wanted to do better than Dobby, Rummy wanted to help Harry Potter so he could lead the household as Dobby did now. Maybe then he would be important enough to get to speak to Harry Potter.

Of course this brought everything back round to the conversation that Rummy could hear, loud whispers reaching the doorframe "Harry Potter... Diary... the dark lord... dangerous". Rummy knew what to do then- save Harry Potter from evil plot by his master just like Dobby had- but he would do better because now Harry Potter was in danger from the dark lord not just some weird book. He could actually meet the great, the awesome, the powerful, the generous, the kind Harry Potter- he'd be so thankful when he found out what Rummy had done to save him, and he might even help Rummy- or even better ask him to be his elf.

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Lucius broke off his conversation with his wife when another one of those danger shivers crept up his spine, he had the distinct feeling that something really, really bad was going to happen and with a sense of morbid curiosity he wondered who- or what- had pissed off the new dark lord.

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Hadrian really didn't like the joke parchment he had "inherited" from the Weasley twins, it seemed to be a very complex runic arrangement with several arrays all bisecting each other in a twisting web of power, however the repeat intersections made it difficult to decipher- probably the intention as it was obvious to anyone who took a closer look that its main function was more complex than a simple joke parchment, but even then the parchment could detect his names somehow- both his birth name and his adoptive name. The parchment had seemed almost fixated on his birth name but he just didn't have the background in enchanting and runes to fully work the irritating parchment. However it was really obvious now that it was some sort of manipulation on the part of the headmaster after all how was it that nobody noticed the heavy wards on the parchment? Or the whole `personal insults' thing that it did for everyone; unless it didn't do that for everyone or couldn't, a location based map?

In the seat besides her new friend Luna sighed, he seemed kinda obsessed with the map, it was almost cute the way he half squinted and tilted his head to try and see the lines etched on the surface. She wondered how long it would be before he figured out that he could ask her for help. But then again the waiting was half the fun and she supposed not everyone had Dabberblimps to show them the right lines to look at- otherwise it would just have been a mess of colour and light. It didn't really matter anyway she knew that eventually he'd get bored, give up and find the answer accidentally. After all she was a seer.

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Hermione was angry, really really angry, the barrier at the platform had refused to open for her and a group of first years who were running late- due to incomplete explanations of how to access the platform no doubt and they'd ended up sending an owl as it seemed all access- in and out- had been cut off. So she'd missed seeing her first real friend she had ever made and had ended up next to the most obnoxious brat who refused to stop complaining, loudly and about muggles, in the centre of an all muggle area. It would be just her luck, after not being able to reach Hadrian for most of the summer; she now could not access the school and she only had one book on her that she could read in such a muggle location and with that whiny brat going on and on it was really hard to concentrate.

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Albus Dumbledore was angry, he didn't look it- in fact he actually smiled more because of it or tried to, it came out more as a grimace; his potions master was away investigating the entrance to platform 9 ¾ along with Gilderoy Lockhart the new defence teacher, in the privacy of his office Dumbledore allowed that grimace to pull into a true smile, Gilderoy reminded him so much of another young curly haired man- and as such an obvious incompetent it would be easy to blackmail him into his bed, the lad might actually learn something. If he recalled correctly Gellert-no Gilderoy had had a fascination with Severus that held potential, maybe...

Minerva McGonagall looked on horrified as her revered headmaster sucked on a lemon drop and groaned, it was distinctly obvious that he had completely forgotten about her coming to get the sorting hat for the late sorting. When he moaned "mmm Severus" it was definitely time to leave sorting hat or not. Anyway it was obvious where they would all go, how hard would it be to just transfigure an old hat and partially animate it to scream houses?

Clarence Harper "HUFFLEPUFF"

Murrin Sullivan "HUFFLEPUFF"

Gertrude Hutchinson "HUFFLEPUFF"

John Lewis "SLYTHERIN"

Dorian Llewellyn "RAVENCLAW"

Melba Stump "GRYFFINDOR"

There that was easy; though it was odd it was like the hat was sorting them opposite to the values that she instructed after all everybody knows purebloods in Slytherin, loners in Ravenclaw, Groupies in Hufflepuff and awesome people in Gryffindor. Odd that, she sighed and turned away from the confused group, wondering 'would it be possible for Poppy to perform a medicinal obliviate I wonder, I could never look at Severus, or Albus the same way otherwise, imagining them like, like- obliviation it is, no need to remember any of this evening anyway.'

Minerva McGonagall walked off in the direction of the infirmary, leaving a confused group of six students stood on the seventh floor corridor, with plain black robes and no idea what was going on.

"Well I`m John, and I'm named after a supermarket. Does anyone have a clue of where we're meant to be?"

"I'm Gertrude, pureblood, someone said something about dorms? And my mother said I should be in Slytherin?"

"I'm Murrin, pureblood, and maybe this is a test- to see what kind of magic we can do?"

"I'm Melba, and I'm absolutely stumped? And kind of scared, I don't know any magic yet- what if I get sent home."

"I'm Dorian, half-blood, I think it's a maze, we all saw how windy it was on the way up right? Well I think if we all put our hands on the same wall and link up we'll find our way out. We must be the last group because of the barrier."

"I'm Clarence, pureblood and that sounds like a half decent idea, I think we should go left towards that light."

"Don't be silly- if this is a test left will be the way to Hufflepuff the Llewellyns have been in Ravenclaw for generations, we go right"

"Into the dark, dusty totally unused corridor that appears to lead into an unoccupied portion of the school sure, sounds like great fun." Commented Melba.

"And that's why you're a Gryffindor Stump" Replied Dorian

"What never heard of sarcasm?" Retorted Melba weakly.

And so the band of six moved forwards into the empty castle, through a doorway that most people would swear, wasn't there that morning. Minerva McGonagall upon finishing up in the infirmary went to bed whistling after a wee drab of whisky to stave off the nights chill, after all nothing important had happened that night, it was like she had a gap in her memory. Odd that.

On a bedside table in the infirmary a transfigured hat returned to a bunch of flowers in red, green, yellow and blue that occasionally squeaked "Ravenpuff", "Gryfferin", "Huffclaw"and "Slythdoor"until with a last squeak of "default" the flowers fell silent.

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An odd ending I'm sure but all will make sense in time, plus you all needed some lighthearted wit after the early horror of *SEVUMBLEHEART* AHHHHH.

Sorry about the wait people, been away and finishing off school work, next chapters should be up sooner, much much sooner.

Enjoy :) SuchaNarcissist