*shoves 5K fic at readers in hope that they'll forgive me for the long wait…?*
Fear and Hope: An encounter with a secret phobia reveals that "Fearless" Astrid Hofferson may not be so unflinching. But years later, when the phobia endangers the life of Hiccup, the boy who's now so much more than a friend, Astrid must face it to save him, because she now realizes she has a new worst fear... Requested by PsychicWonderKitty.
Fear and Hope
Astrid let out a strangled gasp as soon as she saw it, and stumbled backwards. Her mouth went dry, and her hands tingled with cold sweat. The world felt all numb and she… couldn't… quite… move… All she could do was stare, frozen in horrible, stiffening… f-fea…
"No," she mouthed, though no sound emitted. "No…"
But it was true. That forbidden word—the word she would have thought she'd never use, at least for herself—was coming to pass… and she was filled with something she had never quite experienced before…
The F-word. Fear.
"Ugh… am I glad that this day is over," Snotlout grumbled. "Four hours of training. Without dragons. Isn't this supposed to be dragon-riding, O' Great Teacher?" He glared at Hiccup, who walked beside him as they made their way through the woods. They had been practicing down at one of Berk's beaches all day and the teens were finally coming back.
"If we're ever separated from the dragons, we need to be prepared," Hiccup said in a way that suggested he had repeated this several times. "Like… before we made peace with them. We can't rely on the dragons for everything."
Astrid smirked. "That won't stop Snotlout from trying."
"How'd we ever survive without the dragons on our side?" Tuffnut groaned. "Sure, they were great, setting the village on fire and all—but when we can control the damage…"
"Double the firepower!" cheered Ruffnut.
"Double the messes we have to clean up, you mean," Astrid said.
Fishlegs sighed, his figure drooping with exhaustion. "Well, please save the explosions for another time. I, for one, am ready to go back to the village and go to bed. Plus, my Meatlug must be upset at me for leaving her all day."
Everyone wearily agreed—even the twins. They had been training hard today and were all worn down to the bone. Sleep sounded like an offer to tour Valhalla. And they all missed their dragons—well, all except Hiccup, who had brought Toothless along to help him oversee the training this afternoon. The Night Fury now padded contentedly at his rider's side. The group continued to walk, but in silence, all too tired to talk any longer.
However, suddenly, they heard a loud hiss come from in front of them, loud and menacing. The young Dragon Riders froze at the sound, snapping out of their thoughts and reveries to take in the sight of a long, thick snake advancing towards them, its forked tongue slithering from its mouth.
Fishlegs paled in moments and squeaked with fear as he took in the sight. "Oh my Thor… oh… my… THOR!"
This creature was enormous and looked poisonous. It was the biggest serpent any of them had ever seen, and there were a lot of strange things on Berk. Still, with dragons running all over the place, they were used to monster reptiles. Though Fishlegs was terrified, the rest of them were, in comparison, considerably calm in this situation.
All except one.
Astrid just couldn't stop staring at the humongous snake that was slowly slithering towards her body, which was stiff and frozen, as if she had been paralyzed. It was like her mind and body were two separate things—her mind screamed at her to move, but her body refused to obey.
Not only that, but she let out a strangled gasp as soon as she saw it, and stumbled backward. Her mouth went dry, and her hands tingled with cold sweat. The world felt all numb and she… couldn't… quite… move… All she could do was stare, frozen in horrible, stiffening… f-fea…
"No," she mouthed, though no sound emitted. "No…"
But it was true. That forbidden word—the word she would had thought she'd never use, at least for herself—was coming to pass… and she was filled with something she had never quite experienced before…
The F-word. Fear.
But no… that wasn't possible… every day, she prided herself on saying she had "never felt fear before". Never run from a fight, never cried, was never weak. For fifteen years, she swore that. Until… now… No… oh, gods… why? But she couldn't figure it out, as her gaze was still locked on the snake. In the serpent's malevolent orbs shone an evil glimmer. It knew she was apprehensive. That she was wary. Afraid. It smelled weakness.
This can't be happening! her numbing brain spluttered. Yet… despite what she wanted… it was.
And then… she blinked, and after a slow moment, she realized that the snake was gone, replaced by a charred scorch mark on the ground (Toothless, she immediately thought). The world was very quiet, and she found the silence stifling. She shook her head, trying to recover from the previous events, which were strangely fading away, along with her energy. She could remember freezing up, not being able to move so much as a finger… and then that feeling… that trepidation that had washed over her… because it wasn't fear… it couldn't have been!
Around her, the other Riders stared at her, slack-jawed with shock and eyes wide in astonishment. All except Hiccup, who looked concerned. But about what? Astrid wondered, her brain feeling as if it was made of cotton. And what… why were her legs trembling? What was going on…?
"What?" said Astrid, breaking the uncomfortable silence. Now broken from her trance, she was almost back to her normal self. Almost. "What are you staring at?"
"You…" Snotlout hesitated. "You just froze. Froze in f-fear."
He stammered on the last word, afraid of Astrid's wrath that came with insulting her.
The scene that played out just ten seconds ago played in Astrid's head. The realization hit her harder than a fall from Stormfly. Oh gods, I really was...
"Scared," Astrid murmured. "No, no, I… I wasn't..." She regained her dignity. "Don't be stupid. I'm never scared!"
The gang still looked doubtful.
"You think I was?" she asked angrily, wishing she had thought to bring her trusty axe along. It might treat these mutton-heads a lesson. Never insult Astrid Hofferson unless you want a blade to your throat.
"Well," Ruffnut began, "you did kind of freeze up when you saw that snake. You looked scared."
"Terrified!" Tuffnut amended, not helping his case.
Astrid glowered. "That's not true! I—I mean… come on guys! That's… ridiculous." She shook her head, still bothered at the events.
"Of course, you weren't scared," said Hiccup, coming to her rescue. At least someone was making sense now… "Startled, maybe, but everyone was." He smiled a little, and Astrid felt immense gratitude as she felt herself relax slightly. Thank you, Hiccup… "Look, gang, it's been a long day. We should all call it a night, okay? We're all… tired. I think we should just try and get some rest…"
Everyone make noncommittal sounds but began to disperse. Astrid followed them before Hiccup could talk to her about what had just happened. She had too much on her mind to let her friend give her a pep talk. She didn't need one, anyways. She was fine. She was still Fearless Astrid Hofferson, the toughest sixteen-year-old Viking around… nothing had changed.
She didn't fall asleep for a long time that night.
Over the next few days, things really changed with the Dragon Riders. Maybe not from an outsider's look, but to Astrid, it was like the world had flipped over. Her whole reputation seemed to have faltered with the gang. Whenever she walked into her friends (or at least that's what she thought they were), they would abruptly stop talking, as if they had just been caught doing something… caught talking about someone.
Well, except Hiccup, who seemed constantly cheerful and tried to keep things as normal as possible, for which Astrid was thankful. She couldn't stand it if the nicest Viking she knew became standoffish. Even Fishlegs found every excuse to stay away from her, though that wasn't too new. He was normally terrified of her, even if he didn't always act that way.
Three days after 'The Incident', which was the name Astrid was calling the encounter with the snake in her head (though she had plenty of other choice words for it), the Riders had just finished up a long day of training and were dragging their exhausted selves home. Astrid began to trail her teammates out, but she stopped short when she felt a small hand set down on her shoulder plate. She winced as she turned around, but knew the talk couldn't be avoided any longer.
"Hey, Astrid," Hiccup smiled.
Astrid sighed, crossing her arms across her chest. "Just get it over with…"
Hiccup hesitated for a moment, his face growing more serious. "It's okay if, when you saw that snake… you were… you know…"
She set her jaw and stared straight into his eyes as if challenging him to say it. "Well, I wasn't, Hiccup. Or do you not believe me either?"
"No, of course, I do… I just…" He sighed, then managed a tired but pleasant grin. "Just know that I'm here for you, Astrid. Okay? If you want to… talk, or go on a flight or something, just send up a Night Fury call, and… and I'll be there."
Rolling her eyes, Astrid smirked. "Yeah, I know that, Hiccup. Same here, I guess… only with a Nadder call."
The other Rider cocked his head slightly, his eyes seeming to sparkle thoughtfully. "No matter what the others think, you're still the most fearless person I know, and you'll always be; snake or no snake."
"Thanks, Hiccup." And she truly meant it.
Hiccup's talk had really given her a grasp of hope on things; however, though she was grateful for his support, she was still embarrassed at her weakness. Because she wondered… had she really been afraid? Of snakes, of all things… yet the thought of a slithering reptile crawling up to her, hissing with its two-forked tongue… She felt tense at the image. It repulsed her. It… made her feel… fear.
She had admitted it: Fearless Astrid Hofferson wasn't so fearless after all.
Feeling like the life had just been sucked out of her at that revelation, Astrid turned away from Hiccup, and slowly made her way home. She could try and forget about The Incident, but she knew that this matter would remain in the back of her mind like a sore thumb. A thumb that had been bitten by the poisonous fear of a snake.
Three years later…
"Here little snaky," Astrid growled as she trudged through the grass. "Come on… my axe would like to speak with you…"
She listened for a sound for a few moments, but when she heard nothing, she sighed and continued on.
She was looking for a snake—it sounded ridiculous, as she had frozen in fear the last time she had seen one, but she had a perfectly good reason to find one: to at last face her fear. Strange that it was only years later that would be the time she would finally take charge.
Three years ago, she had promised herself she'd conquer her fear. Conquer it and be done with it. But she could never quite bring herself to go find a snake and confront her phobia. With time, the need to prove her fearlessness had faded, though it remained a sore point in the back of her mind. For whatever reason, lately, she had been thinking about The Incident more than ever. Dreaming about it. Fuming about it. Ugh, why couldn't she just forget about it?
But she couldn't. No. The realization that she wasn't fearless was one of the hardest to admit… and the one she still hadn't brought herself to confess.
Still, those nightmares and sleepless nights were getting awfully irritating.
So a week ago, she had made a decision: she was going to go find a snake somewhere on Dragon's Edge… and defeat it. Sounded simple enough. However, the real problem was finding a serpent. Surprisingly, there seemed to be none at the Edge—but Astrid was determined to find one and kill it. That would prove her worthiness. Being scared of a snake was a pitiful thing—there was no sense to it! Her 15-year-old self had been wrong. She had changed now and matured… no fear anymore. None at all.
"Come on, snake, where are you?" she hissed, gripping the hilt of her axe she had brought along. She wouldn't take Stormfly with her; she had to face the snake alone. She had to prove to not just the others, but herself, that she was the same Fearless Astrid Hofferson she always had been. And always would be.
"No matter what the others think, you're still the most fearless person I know, and you'll always be; snake or no snake."
Ah, Hiccup. There was his ever-present voice in the back of her head, always giving some little advice or quirk. She had come to know him so well lately, with their new—and open—relationship. She understood him now more than ever, and could sometimes almost predict his actions. She was his girlfriend, after all, and a happy one at that. Those words spoken to her years ago would probably be spoken again by him if he knew what she was doing. Alas, he had had no idea that at night, Astrid had been reading all the books about snakes she could get her hands on, and training time was actually spent searching places her books told her that snakes would like to live. She hadn't had any luck yet, though, but wasn't sure whether to be disappointed or relieved.
Astrid sighed, pushing a few locks of hair behind her ear. She was growing annoyed with all this waiting for something that might not even show up. Another fruitless morning wandering around in the woods. Sighing, she sat down on a rock and fingered the end of her axe. "Thor above, are there really no snakes on this island…? Great. All that research… for nothing. I thought that snakes would be sunning themselves on rocks, or near water—at least that's what the book said. And then I go to a stream, and they're not there…" She glanced over at the nearby trickle of a river that cut through the Edge's forest, studying the rocks. There still weren't any-
Wait. Huh. What was that thing over there…? Near the end of the stream… there was a spot of color… then a short wiggle! She straightened, watching attentively. Maybe… maybe…
And then, slowly, the wiggle started up again… and to Astrid's delight or horror, a snake slithered from the stream, hissing slightly. Its long, long, long body shimmered with water droplets as the liquid caught the sunlight. Astrid sucked in a breath, trying to calm her pounding heart. It was time. She had this. You've finally got one… all you have to do is go over there… and kill it… I won't back down… never...
Her warrior instincts kicked in, and she found herself walking towards the serpent, her axe gripped tightly in her hands. She arrived just a few yards away from it just as the snake entirely emerged from the stream. Her breath caught while her brain processed the enormous size of the reptile.
However, Astrid's form stiffened moments later—she was getting that feeling again… the slowing of her breath… loud thumping of her heart… that awful feeling of being trapped… She took in a deep gulp of air and tried to steady herself. Gods, this was stupid… she rode a reptile! Lived with them! Her life's purpose was to save them! She shook her head and tried to focus on the snake again.
The serpent had a head shaped like a diamond—from her recent reading, Astrid could guess that it was poisonous. Great, she thought, a little sarcastic, a little serious. More of a challenge. And I'm all about challenges. No fear. No fear at all. Alright… she was ready to do this… ready to face the thing that had been tormenting her in the back of her mind for three years… Come on, Hofferson, let's do this thing! She lifted her axe, a surprisingly difficult effort, as her arms rather felt like lead at the moment.
"Time to die," she hissed. Swallowing, she prepared herself to jump forward and finish the job.
And that's when everything went wrong.
Because a cheery voice had just come from ahead… the cheery, nasally, familiar voice of Hiccup. "Astrid? You over here? Thought I saw you head this way… I need to talk to you!"
She jumped, startled. Oh, gods. The snake, which had been coming towards her, now stopped and turned its head towards a new prey. Hiccup. And he had no idea what Astrid was doing over here, nor what she was facing. He probably had no weapons on him—nothing to defend himself with against a poisonous snake. Astrid felt sick with horror as she realized what she had just led her boyfriend into.
"Hiccup, no!" she shouted before he could appear from the trees. "Go back! Go back! Hurry!"
"What? Astrid—what's going on?" His footsteps grew louder and faster, indicating he was running towards her in that idiot valiant way of his… the fool thought she was in trouble or something!
"Listen to me—I said go back! Hiccup, go back!"
However, it was too late. Hiccup crashed through the trees in determination to see what was wrong with her, but in his rush, he accidentally tripped to the ground. Astrid was trying to get the snake's attention off of her boyfriend and onto her, but the creature was smart and knew the difference between a defenseless person and a well-protected one. It slithered away from her and towards Hiccup, who was sprawled out on the ground, watching the scene unfold in confusion.
Panic filled Astrid as she saw that he had fallen and was now vulnerable to harm. "Run, Hiccup, I can handle the snake!"
But before Hiccup even had a chance to answer, the serpent made its way over to him, and now its neck towered over the Dragon Rider, hissing down at him. Hiccup's green eyes met glittering dark ones full of evil, and Astrid knew what was going to happen.
"AARRGHHH!"
Astrid cried out as she charged forward. No time was spared for thinking—only acting. She had to save Hiccup. That was her one goal. Save Hiccup. Staring at the man and reptile next to each other, she was surprised to find that she was filled with more fear looking at Hiccup than at the snake. No, not fear of Hiccup… for Hiccup. Good Thor…
She had at last found something she was scared of more than serpents.
Astrid lifted her axe and faced the snake head-on, gritting her teeth in defiance of her fear. She now stood in front of it and managed to call its attention away from the fallen Hiccup on the ground for a moment. "You wanna fight, snake? Well, pick on someone who's actually ready!" Hollering, she swiped at the beast, filled with such a mix of fury and fear that she couldn't tell one emotion from another.
HISSSS! The snake pulled back just in time to miss Astrid's aim, but she wasn't ready to give up until Hiccup was safe. It was like the world around her had fuzzed out into a background of stifled noise and light. It was just her… and the snake… and her axe.
ZINGG! Another strike managed to clip the snake on its neck. A repulsive purple liquid oozed out, and the snake screeched in pain. Astrid continued to fight, growling and grunting with exertion. The serpent was a formidable opponent, she admitted. It was big, strong, and fast. But not as fast as her, and she had her axe. Still, its venomous fangs were a big bonus.
Astrid swung her axe out again and was pleased to see the blade again hit its target, in its path leaving a slash of blood. Swipe, swipe, swipe! Again and again, she was victorious, the blade of her axe glimmering with a triumphant purple. She was unstoppable. She was fearless. She was-
"ASTRID, LOOK OUT!"
From behind her, Hiccup lunged at her and knocked her down—a narrow escape from the snake's hungry jaws. Her boyfriend now lay on top of her, and she was trapped underneath him. "Hiccup, get off—you need to run!"
"I'm not leaving you!" But he did climb off of Astrid and pull her away from another snap of the beast attacking them.
"Mutton-head," Astrid grumbled. "You can't defend yourself!" This time, she was the one to block a blow from the snake with the head of her axe. Her combatant hissed with pain, shrinking back to recover for a few moments.
Hiccup shook his head. "I'm not useless, Astrid—"
"I never said you were!"
"I can help!" he argued. "I'll distract it, and you can attack! It'll go after me and you'll have a clear opportunity to strike!"
Astrid glowered at him, pulling them both a few steps away to keep from standing in the same place. One eye was still set on the snake, but it was just watching them murderously at the moment. "No way am I putting you in danger! I can handle this myself! Just… stay over here!"
"But what about—" His voice faltered. "Three years ago, when we saw that snake in the woods…"
"I've grown older—I have no fears!"
Hiccup bit his lip. "Astrid, I don't want you to get hurt—"
"Well, neither do I!" Astrid shouted. "I'm going to defeat this thing… no matter what! I can't live with the burden of knowing that I'm—I'm actually scared of something! I can't be, Hiccup! I just can't! I have to do this! And alone—so please, just run; you're not safe here! I came out here to defeat a snake, and that's exactly what I need to do…"
"No! You don't need to do anything, Astrid!" Hiccup insisted. "You're perfect, just the way you are… even if you aren't a friend of snakes! Let me do this—let me help."
Astrid didn't have time to retaliate—their opponent had recovered and decided to strike a final time. Almost in slow motion, it lunged at Hiccup's exposed chest, its tongue stretched in a hideous victory… In cold, heart-stopping horror, Astrid realized what was going to happen. The snake rumbled with happiness at its success, moving in for the kill...
...only to be met by Astrid's axe, which had sliced out so quickly that no one had noticed it was there… until it was too late.
Astrid glared at the beast as her blade made contact and ran through its neck. "Not TODAY!" she shouted, her temper flaring with the hate of this snake, fear for Hiccup, and overall just feeling like Astrid. People could mess around with her all they wanted to—fight her, call her names, single her out… but they could not, she repeated, not touch a hair on her Hiccup.
Defeated, the snake gave a last, mighty hiss, and soon collapsed to the ground. Astrid barely refrained herself from slumping down with relief.
It… it was dead.
Hardly able to believe it, Astrid stared at it for a long moment until Hiccup tugged her away—snakes could bite even after death, and after what they had just been through, they didn't want to take their chances.
"It's gone…," Astrid panted after a moment, glancing over the corpse of the monster. "It's over." It was difficult to process—it was almost as if she had been fighting the battle against the snake for not just a few minutes, but three years. A huge weight had been taken from her shoulders. She felt… more alive. Fresh. Free.
Hiccup nodded in response, a little speechless. "You defeated it, Astrid. You… you stepped right up and took action without a second thought. You… were amazing."
Astrid gave a tiny laugh, though she was still in a little shock. "I guess I did. I… I was scared of snakes. As much as I didn't want to admit it—and still don't—I had a fear… but as I fought that snake… I realized now that I'm not afraid anymore. Even if that thing was to get right back up and get back into the fight, I wouldn't be frightened." She held up her axe with a smirk. "I'd be up for the challenge."
"See?" Hiccup smiled. "You really are fearless, after all."
Astrid spent a moment in thought, then shook her head slightly. "No, actually, I'm not… I thought so before, but… no. I just found something that scared me even more than poisonous reptiles…" Her mind trailed back to the scene that had played out just a minute before… the snake had just lunged at Hiccup, ready to end a life with no guilt or regret. When that had happened… that feeling… she had just had a moment of immense fear like nothing before. Her worst fear wasn't of snakes. It was living in a world without her dragon boy. She didn't say it out loud and hoped Hiccup would get what she meant. Luckily, he seemed to catch on and didn't elaborate on the subject.
Instead, he gave her a charmingly bright smile and said, "Fear or no fears, you're still the bravest, most amazing person I know."
Astrid punched him lightly in the arm in response. Her way of saying 'thanks'. However, it didn't seem enough… not right after one of them had almost been killed. But what else was she supposed to do? Kiss him? She wasn't shy about that anymore, though she wondered whether this was an appropriate time for that kind of thing.
Hiccup appeared to understand her primary hesitation, but after a short moment, he reached out and pulled Astrid towards him, kissing her with passionate gratitude. There were a thousand things to be worried about, from exploding volcanoes to new enemies, but right now, neither Hiccup nor Astrid cared. They were only living in this one, beautiful moment of time that made the whole world seem to glow. Or at least Astrid's. A sense of peace washed over her, as well as a new grasp of what she would do next.
It was time to let go of all phobias. Cast away her anxiety and walk around with an unburdened mind. Because there was something so much better to experience than fear…
Hope.
(I know that some of you think that Astrid being afraid of snakes is odd—but I have my reasons. I'm not sure if you guys have finished RTTE S5 yet, but in 'No Dragon Left Behind', Astrid looked terrified for a second when she saw the Slitherwings… so that got me thinking…)
Special thanks toooo...
harrypanther, aaquater, Rosalie24, Guest (#1), thepurplewriter333, Guest (#2), devufairy, httydtrash, BonanzaForever, centuries-of-starlight, Smoe05, phieillydinyia, annnddddd Guest (#3)! :D
And oh my Thor—OVER 100 FAVES! OVER 100 FOLLOWS! OVER 200 REVIEWS! *speechless* WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? Also, we reached NOVEL LENGTH, which is AMAZING! (most of it's probably from my rambling, haha)
Thank you for reading, everyone, and I hope you enjoyed! See you later, my friends!