CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTEEN

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I'm barely alone in the kitchen for 15 minutes before the door swings open again and Al, Cam and Donna all file in. Looking at me Donna pouts "You pigged out didn't you?"

I shake my head, dragging the last bit of my bread through the garlicky juice on my plate "No. I only had one. They're in the oven."

Donna snatches my plate out of my hand and pulls the door open "We haven't had these since you left."

"What?" I ask as she puts two more on plates handing them to Al and Cam before closing the oven on the other 2 dozen chicken pieces in there.

"Well we did, once. About 2 months after you left Gem brought them to have for Sunday dinner one night; she said that the German didn't have any decent steaks. Jax didn't even sit down at the table; he walked through the door, sniffed, turned around and left." Donna drops a piece of bread on all three plates and walks through the door back to the main room, a pile of cutlery and napkins in her hand.

I follow her blindly, hearing the footsteps following me I sit beside Donna and look at her as she fixes her attention on the chicken with a gleeful look. The first bite that hits her tongue makes her groan in satisfaction, almost the same way I did just with the smell.

Al and Cam are sitting across from us, their eyes darting between the two of us. I shake my head "Trust me, that chicken is almost better than sex."

"Really Darlin', I'll have to remember that later." Jax's voice behind me makes me jump in my chair and clap my hand to my heart.

"Holy Fuck Jackson, don't scare me like that!"

Jax frowns at the use of his full name but the grin I shoot over my shoulder at him has the frown morphing into a smirk. "Besides, I said almost better, trust me baby, nothing is better than sex with you."

Donna coughs "TMI!" she splutters out around a mouthful of food.

I roll my eyes and get to my feet "Do you want me to go get you some food?"

Jax nods sitting in my abandoned seat with my friends "Sure, I'll stay here and get some more juicy information about you."

I glare at all three of the women sitting at the table "Nothing gets said." Spinning on my heel I cross the room and go into the kitchen, setting a pile of plates on one side of the oven and the sliced bread on the other side I pull both pans of chicken out and sit them on the top of the stove just as the door opens behind me.

"I was just coming to do that baby." Gemma says, picking up plates and dropping a bit of bread on each before handing them to me.

"Jax wanted something to eat, so I figured that meant they were done." I put a piece of chicken on each plate she hands me before setting them on the bench in rows for when the guys make it to the kitchen. "Gem?"

"Yeah baby?"

"Why didn't you guys have this when I was gone?" Donna's information bomb is still fresh in my mind. "Jax loves it."

Gemma passes the last plate to me and waits while I put a bit of chicken on it and set it down. Turning to me she puts her hands on my arms "Jax loves that stuff, yes. But he loves you more. The smell of it was enough to remind him of you and he didn't want any reminders, they were too hard for him to deal with." Gemma takes a few slow breaths "He would kill me if I told you, but I think you need to know. Maybe not now, it doesn't matter so much."

"What?" Glancing past her I look through the huge window at my friends where they're sitting at the table with Jax and Opie leaning forward as Al talks.

"When you left he came back home, he was the one that found me in the kitchen demolishing it." She smiles at my shocked expression "I know Clay told you. Anyway, he pretty much broke down on my floor asking me why you'd left and why you didn't stop to say goodbye."

I frown at her "There's something you're still not saying."

Gemma looks at me for a couple of seconds "You always were too good at hearing the words that went unsaid. He told me he knew you'd leave, that you were too good for Charming and that the world would be yours if you wanted it. I still don't know if he knows he said it but during one of his long ranting moments he slipped and asked me why you leaving hurt so much more than Tara leaving. He buried himself in the Club, pussy, weed and booze for months after you left, but occasionally he would randomly ask me why he wasn't good enough."

"Ma!" Jax snaps from the door "Enough."

I feel Gemma's hands lifting off my arms as I turn towards him "You're wrong you know."

"What?" Jax says stepping away from the door as his mother walks through with a couple of plates in her hands.

"I'm not too good for Charming, I'm perfect for Charming and you were always good enough."

Jax crosses the room in a couple of long strides, his arms folding around my back and pulling me to his chest "I'm amazed that she remembers it all, but then she does have the memory of an elephant, and they never forget."

Sliding my arms around his neck I tangle my fingers in the hair hanging over his collar "Baby, she remembers everything you've ever done in your entire life, from your birth to right then when you walked through the door and scared the shit outta her."

Jax chuckles "Well, now it's my turn to remind you of something you said."

"Hmm?" Worming my way as close to his chest as I can I rest my ear over the middle of his chest, his heart beating solidly in my ear.

"You reminded me that without the shit we've been through we wouldn't be together now and you're right."

I groan "I know, but you know it kills me that without Tart-a and Wendy and their presence in your life we wouldn't be standing here."

Jax chuckles and leans down, kissing both my cheeks softly "Standing here in the kitchen with the smell of food that's making my stomach rumble. I'm starving babe, and you took ages."

I pull out of his arms and pick up the plate I'd set aside for him and the end slices of the bread with a thin layer of butter on them and a tiny sprinkle of black pepper. Jax's eyes light up "4 years and you still remember how I like to eat this stuff."

I nod "Of course. I tried so many times in New York to make this, but I could never get it right. And I never understood why you like the pepper on the bread not the chicken."

Jax shrugs, dropping his arm around my neck "Just one of my oddity's Darlin', you should know I have a whole lot of them."

I giggle as we sit back down at the table "I do, I have never met another person who insists on popping the toaster mid-way through and turning the slices of bread around."

Al giggles "That was Jax?"

I nod as Jax cuts the chicken in half lengthwise and pushes it on the top of the bread taking a huge bite.

Miles walks through the room dropping beers off on tables and when he gets to ours he meets Jax's eyes "Jax, can I borrow Sarah for a second? I need to ask her something."

Jax sets the bread and chicken down as he swallows forcefully "You want to borrow my Old Lady?" He almost snaps at the rapidly paling prospect. Opie's eyes narrowing in a mirror of the anger that I know Jax is feeling.

Miles holds his hands up "I just need to ask her something, we'll only be at the bar. If that's okay."

I get to my feet and kiss the top of Jax's head, pressing my lips to his ear I whisper "This way you can watch me leave and come back."

Jax frowns and pulls his kutte off then the plain black hoodie "At least put this on."

I shrug into the dark material and frown "Better?"

Jax shakes his head "Nah, I liked the view before, but I know that if you're outta my reach no one else can see you."

Rolling my eyes I kiss his head again "I'll only be at the bar."