A/N: I'm back with a little bit more! These kids just will not leave me alone, and after seeing TLJ for a second time, they are breaking my heart! xD This chapter and the next will be a little exposition of the last Force Bond scene in TLJ. Enjoy!
There was a string tied around her heart, tugging and pulling her every which way, except for any way that made sense. Rey could feel it now, pulling her back down into the mine, even as she boarded the Falcon. Everything was just happening too fast; her heart and her mind weren't communicating properly, and it was almost easier to just ignore that irritating pull, rather than succumb to it, like she had so many times already. But Rey's wants didn't seem to matter... not when it came to this.
Silence fell around her, and she looked back down the ramp towards the rock opening she'd just ushered the Resistance through. Seeing Ben kneeling at her feet... that was an interesting image to try and comprehend. It was so contrary to him, as a person; the incident in Snoke's throne room had shown her that. The image of him standing tall before her—black-gloved hand outstretched and desperate hope in his eyes—would be branded into her mind forever... as would the feeling of her heart breaking upon realizing that she had failed, not only herself, but him as well.
When Rey had finally understood that he had not yet abandoned his need for power, it'd nearly killed her to draw away from him. She'd wanted to take his hand, the way she had back on Ahch-To... But he was not Ben Solo in that moment. Kylo Ren—in all his violent glory—had been the one to offer her the galaxy, not Ben. And Rey could not allow him to follow that path, even if it meant denying herself. She knew Ben was still in there, warring with himself; it was the only reason she'd left him lying there in the throne room instead of striking him down. As much as she wanted to think of him that way, he was not fully here now, and she could not wait for him.
Kylo's eyes were full of pain and pleading. His bottom lip trembled slightly as he looked up at her, and Rey thought she'd never seen his jaw so loosely clenched. All the fire and fury he'd exhibited back on the Supremacy was gone, replaced by... This couldn't be defeat, could it? No, Kylo didn't know the meaning of defeat; it was as unfamiliar to him as mercy.
But Ben might know it.
Rey remembered her vision clearly then. She'd been so sure that what she saw was his future... their future. The way he'd smiled and kissed her had been so real, she could almost feel it now, looking down at him without saying a word. But that image was quickly slipping away. Ben had spurned her, even after he'd saved her. He claimed that she was the one who couldn't let go of the past, but he'd shown himself just as guilty as that perceived sin. Whatever dreams he had of ruling the galaxy, they were born of a lifetime of Snoke's manipulations. It was unrealistic of her, she knew, to expect him to be free of Snoke so instantaneously... But the betrayal stung all the same.
Ben was still gazing at her, even as she felt her own face hardening towards him. In her heart, she knew that what she'd told him before was still true... It isn't too late... But the time wasn't right yet. There was still too much darkness in him; darkness that he needed to snuff out on his own. No one, not even herself, could do it for him. It broke her heart to do it, but she pressed the button to close the hatch all the same.
The Force Bond grew weaker as the hatch closed, and the last thing she felt was Ben flinch, as if in pain, when the hatch finally sealed. After that, there was nothing. It was clear to her now that Snoke had lied to the both of them about the Bond. If he'd truly had anything to do with their mysterious connection, then it would have died right alongside him. But here they were, drowning in the wake of what might have been mixed with the present that now lay before them.
Though she'd determined the lie, she had to wonder if Ben had as well. But that was all she could do now... wonder. Rey knew she couldn't allow herself to become entrenched again. With Luke gone, and the Resistance nearly decimated, there was so much responsibility on her shoulders. She sat down heavily, and looked over at Finn where he was drawing a blanket over a petite girl with shallow injuries to her face. In spite of all the pain roiling in her heart, she allowed herself a small smile. If nothing else, she had to hold on to whatever hope she could find. And Finn was never short on hope, that much she was certain of.
Rey looked all around her at the faces gathered on the Falcon. They'd experienced so much pain over the last few days, yet there were only smiles on the faces she saw. Against all odds, they'd managed to escape an enemy vastly more powerful and better equipped than themselves. In the face of almost certain death, help had come to them from lightyears away, and Luke had given them the chance to fight another day. And she could see now that their spark had not died; if anything, it burned brighter than before.
Suddenly, but not unwelcome, her vision floated through her memory like a wisp, as if it might disappear at any moment. She closed her eyes and tried to focus in on it, before it was gone. The smile upon Ben's face... she had to wonder if that was truly how his smile looked. After all, she'd never actually seen him smile in that way. As if he had not a care in the world; as if he were truly happy. But it was something she could hold onto.. a small measure of hope. She tried to focus in on herself as well, looking for any sign of whether the vision had been true. She was wearing her usual scavenger garb, but Rey noticed that the fabric around her middle was looser than it normally was.
A small gasp escaped her throat as she realized. And when she recognized that tell-tale swell of her belly, that same string tugged at her heart.
As it pulled at her, the memory of the vision disappeared. She didn't know if she'd be able to bring it back ever again, but that momentary glimpse was enough. A small wave of hope washed over her; hope that Ben Solo could be saved, and achieve that future she'd envisioned. She had helped him as far as she could. Now, the last measure of that hope lay with Ben, and depended on whether she'd done enough to make him see; to see that she'd never lied and that their future was not set in stone.
Rey opened her eyes and stared at the broken light saber in her lap. Perhaps some portion of the past really had died, as Ben had wished it. But that didn't mean she could no longer use it. Luke was gone; now it was up to her change the fate of the galaxy, one way or another.
Thank you for reading! I've got at least one more chapter planned, but I might expand a little bit further out into future non-canon territory. We'll see, depending on the interest ;) Please let me know what you thought; I hope you enjoyed!