"I sense a disturbance in the force."
"Yeah?"
"I'm in two places at once. But, you know. Not in a ninja-way. More like… a soul-doubling way."
"Mhm."
"This world is entirely fictional, you know. The base for a mere story, all centered around a child that you don't even know the name of. But we're in unexplored territory, now, dancing to the whims of an author who cares not about us, but about the plot our predetermined actions may weave. All for an audience of readers, whose level of entertainment our very existence hinges upon."
"Ah."
"God's name is Kishimoto and he has a thing for feet."
"I see."
Obito squints at the bounty officer. "Are you even listening?"
She raises her gaze, slowly and deliberately. "Hmm."
"Fine then," he decides, "I won't tell you about the truths of the world, or my reincarnation twin. Bet he's off doing cool things, like wizardry or something. Which is way better than what you're doing here, I assure you."
"Of course."
Obito sours. "Can I just have my reward?"
"All yours," she says, pushing an envelope across the counter. Obito's sure there's some sort of metaphor or moral to be found here, but he can't be bothered to figure out what it is.
The moment he leaves the building, he slips into kamui and drops off his prize.
"People, amirite?" he asks with a sigh.
Doug stares at him. Obito's pretty sure he agrees. Or maybe he's just losing it, bored as he is.
He has nothing to do, really. No one to bother, and no mystical quests to go on. Or rather, he can't, because he doesn't want to entangle himself in some bullshit and be forced to miss the final round of the chunin exams.
He doubts that his presence will change all that much, but it's better safe than sorry, since he already fucked up Orochimaru's plans with the whole cursed hickey thing. Plus, he hasn't been exposed to many jutsu, even after months of being here, and he's curious to see them from an outside perspective.
Especially the chidori. While he disagrees with its classification as an 'assassination jutsu' - because there is no subtlety to be found in a makeshift lightsaber that literally chirps, and the only reason it even works as one is because everyone around is too dead to tattle - he will admit that it's pretty goddamn cool, just a few notches below kamui.
Who knows - maybe he can even pick a few things up, too. He does have magic red bullshit eyes, after all, and he hasn't been able to use them for their intended purpose as of yet.
…Actually, it's kind of embarrassing that there are two Uchihas alive, and it's a Hatake that's known for copying a thousand jutsus with their Sharingan. Granted, Obito isn't known at all outside of a few, tight circles, but it's a travesty nonetheless.
His only consolation is, 'At least it isn't Danzou.' Who he really does need to deal with at some point.
For now, though, he thinks he'll just continue making him think that he's going bonkers. Maybe he'll even ask Shin and Sai for suggestions. Doug knows they deserve to get some sort of revenge on the guy.
Speaking of the sentient bag of human waste, he really does need to get on the whole 'planning for the future' thing. Thus far, he's mostly just run in, eyes blazing and hoping for the best. Granted, it hasn't entirely failed him yet, but he doesn't like the small possibility of being the victim of an unfortunate retcon, or getting jazz-handed - which is really all hand signs are, and no, he will not be taking constructive criticism - to death because he's not being careful.
He's pretty sure he has the power of Doug and anime on his side, though he's less sure about having kept the 'major antagonist' plot armor. He kind of dropped the role ages ago, after all.
Hopefully the universe needs glasses or something. 'Bloodthirsty villain' and 'obnoxious prankster' could probably be confused for brothers, if you squint. Or cousins. Or related at all.
Obito's so good at this positivity thing. Go, him.
Point is, though, nobody knows what the fuck he's doing at any given time, and that includes him. Great for laughs, terrible for survival.
Which… means that he should probably start taking harder bounties, or something. Maybe beg ask for help with training. He's pretty sure that Haku would be nice enough to take him up on the offer.
Because the reality is, his ninja-y skills are very rusty. Even kamui, for all it's the only reason hasn't found himself dead - or worse, expelled - yet, isn't as helpful as it could be when one is a dumbass. It's just slow enough that any elite ninja worth their salt could get to him before he could activate it, and he's only managed to make a part of his body, rather than the whole thing, impermeable once since his untimely arrival.
So. Planning, and training. The latter more than the former.
Maybe he can get a training montage or something. That'd be fun.
…
Yeah, probably not. But a guy can dream as long as it's unrelated to massive red moons, can't he?
A/N:
OCbito: I have a plan.
OCbito:
OCbito: Which is to make a plan.
(also, the beginning is a reference to another fic of mine, 'Playing the Fool,' because my sense of humor is broken and I found it amusing)
anyway
thanks for reading!