"Wake up! Wake up! Dad! Wake up!" I hear Carl yelling. I sit up off the floor and see him shaking his father.
"Carl?" I shout back to him.
"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" He shouts either ignoring me or not hearing me.
There's a thud at the door and growling from the walkers. The handle begins to raddle and I whisper out towards Carl again "Carl." He looks at me and I put my finger to my mouth, directing him to be quiet.
I slip my boots on and we go out the back door walking around to the front. Two walkers are at the door "hey, you! Fresh meat right here. Come and get it." Carl calls out to them. They turn at their new target and stumble off the porch. "Let's take a walk." He says coaxing them.
"Carl, let's take care of them now." I put my hand to my knife.
"No!" He yells at me as we move backwards "we need to get them away from here" He says. I relunctly agree and follow his lead "keep up. That's it. Keep coming. Very good." He says out loud to them. "Come on, keep coming. Come on." He walks behind another house. "Right here, look at me. There you go. Come on. That's it, just a little farther. Come on."
I hear something, something different than the other two walkers and turn just as a third one is coming towards Carl. "Look out!" I yell going to tackle it off of him.
"Oh shit!" Carl yells as we hit the ground. As I fight against the one below me for another grip to stab it I see Carl fall to the ground, a walker he shot now on top of him.
"Carl!" I yell out as another comes towards him, his upper body available for it to eat. He shoots it, three times until it falls on top of him again. I am able to stab the one I am fighting as he tries to wriggle out from the dead corpses.
I help him up and he turns away from me to hurl. I put my hand on his back until he is done and just lifts his body up to look back at the things he just killed "I win" he comments to them before walking back towards the house.
I stare after him, wondering what kind of game he thinks he's playing. When I get back to the house I walk in slowly, hearing Carl talk to his father. "I still know how to survive. Lucky for us. I don't need you anymore. I don't need you to protect me anymore." I make it to the door frame, and rest against it, listening, watching as Carl has it out with his passed out father. "I can take care of myself. You probably can't even protect me anyways. You couldn't protect Judith. You couldn't protect.." He pauses. "Hershel or Glenn or Maggie. Michonne, Sadie, Daryl, or Mom. You just wanted to plant vegetables. You just wanted to hide. He knew where we were and you didn't care! You just hid behind those fences and waited for..They're all gone now. Because of you! They counted on you! You were their leader!" He goes to ground, putting his head in his knee's and sniffles. "But now you're nothing." He goes to stand up, spilling the stuff on the floor to take the back and makes one more comment before leaving "I'd be fine if you died."
He storms out, seeing me but not caring and I follow him "Carl..stop!" I yell towards him.
"Leave me alone!" He shouts out to me not turning.
"Please, talk to me." I try to keep up.
"No!" He shouts out stopping and turning. "I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to talk to him. I just want to be left alone!"
Although I don't want him to go off on his own right now, I know it'd just make him more pissed if I followed him. I sigh before nodding back "fine. But be back before sundown" I tell him and he nods turning back away to leave. I go back to the house and sit at Rick's feet, dwelling on everything he just said to his father.
That night, as I lay on the floor a crying wakes me up. I sit up, worried about what's going on and see Carl's silhouette pushed against furniture a gun pointed out. I move to him quickly, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him into my chest. Rick is on the floor wheezing out towards us, his arm outstretched. I know what he's crying at, his dad had passed and is now a walker. Carl's arm shakes as he keeps it pointed to his father, tears now in my eyes as well. His arm lowers, the gun falls to the ground and he whimpers "I can't. I was wrong. Just do it." and cries more.
Rick's hand falls on Carl's foot and he cries further. I reach for the gun, not going to let Carl die and point it to Rick "Carl" he manages to wheeze out and I exhale deeply, relieved he's not a walker. The gun lowers into my lap now as the three of us stay on the floor in emotional distress. Rick adjusts his body, clearly using all his strength to reach out to his son "don't go outside. Stay safe" he gets out before falling back down to the ground in a heap.
Carl quickly moves to his dad, putting his head in his lap and cries to him "I'm scared" he says "I'm scared." And as he cries to his father, I turn away from them crying to myself for all that I lost, for all the fear inside of me. I wonder if Daryl is okay, if he made it out of prison, or if he fell with it to ashes. I try to make myself numb again, numb to the world around me, but I can't anymore. Daryl, Rick, Carl. All these people changed who I am and I'm angry at them for that. Angry that I care about them, angry that I care about myself again.
In the morning Rick wakes up before Carl does "Rick, you need to talk to Carl" I whisper out to him when he's set up against the couch. I sit up, taking it for the night and he looks over to me wondering what I mean. I exhale "he's strong, but emotionally.." I trail off.
"Alright" He whispers back. I nod to him slowly getting off the couch and go to go upstairs, to give them some privacy. I wander around the closet in the master bedroom, trying to find something to change into. The women who lived here was larger than I am now but I find a shirt that won't be too large. After changing the top and the socks I've been wearing I hear a faint knock from the door. I quickly stumble down the steps and pause when I see Rick and Carl, guns ready.
Rick slowly looks through the peep hole and turns with a sigh. A smile crosses his face and he looks to his son "it's for you" he says. Carl's head turns to the side not following "go on, go get em" He says with a smile. Carl quickly turns, going to the back door to go around. When the door closes Rick's eyes meet my curious ones and he tells me "Michonne." My heart beats fast at the relief and I smile wide. We can come back together from this, we can start again.