"Hey..hey.." Someone shakes me. I open my eyes in fear. I jolt upwards, worrying where I am. "It's okay, you're safe" Rick's voice tells me.
He's in front of me. His face covered in old blood. Its been wiped down a bit, but it's still stained. Memory floods my brain with what happened and my heart sinks into my stomach "where is he?" I ask in a horse whisper.
Rick just glances behind me, a little eye movement is all it took and I turn my head quickly. My eyes meet his, only inches apart and I rest my head on his chest letting tears fall from my eyes "Sadie-Mae" he says my name when I grip him tightly "you're okay."
I can feel Rick move next to me and hear his foot steps. He goes around to the other side of the truck and gets in leaving us alone. The tears stop and I lift myself off his chest. I adjust so that I'm facing him, ready to talk "I was worried about you." I tell him lowly.
"I know" he says back, moving a strand of hair from my face.
I move my head away "please don't" I whisper out turning my head to the side. He moves his hand away, his eyes search mine for an answer. "You really hurt me Daryl. I can't just forget about what happened at the prison" I say.
He sighs, biting his lower lip thinking. "I just.." he goes to start talking but stops "I'm sorry.. I aint used to havin' someone care about me, havin' someone wanna be wit me" he says.
"and that's changed somehow now?" I ask him, searching his eyes for an answer.
He shrugs "yea. I was out there" he nods his heads towards the woods "I was with Beth. We got out together. I was with her for a while.." he tells me. I feel jealousy stir inside of me, but I contain it letting him go on "she showed me that it's okay to care, to let someone care."
"Is she dead?" I ask.
He shakes his head, looking away from me "she's just gone. I couldn't save her, couldn't save you."
"I'm just broken right now Daryl" I tell him, thinking of my words carefully "and the fact that Beth made you realize it's okay to let someone care about you, and not me, it hurts me even more.." I say.
"it wasn't like that Sadie-Mae" he argues.
I hold up my hand "stop. I know it wasn't Daryl, but it still hurts me. I let you in, I told you everything. And when it was time for you to do the same you pushed me away. I can't just pick up where we left off before that happened, I just can't." I try to explain my pain.
He nods and I move to stand up. I go to walk around the truck "Hey" he calls to me and I stop, turning to look at him. I wait for him to say what he wants to say but he doesn't. I turn back around and to the truck, opening the passenger door.
Rick looks at me with a small smile "everything okay?" he asks.
"It will be" I say to him "thanks for waking me up." I say to him. I've been having bad dreams since the incident at the house. Rick's been waking me up through them, he always takes the opposite shift of me. He listens when I tell him about them, and he tries to help me understand them.
"same as before?" He asks. He climbs over the seat, peaking behind him at Michonne and Carl. They sleep in the backseat. He climbs over into the driver side and I climb in the passenger seat.
"No. This one was different." I say closing my eyes. "It wasn't my sister this time that I killed in it." I say, trailing off thinking about the nightmare.
"Then who was it?" He asks.
I look at him, not sure I really want to tell him. I bite the inside of my cheek, thinking of what to say. "I don't know. I didn't get a good look before I woke up" I lie. He doesn't have to know, even I don't know why I dreamed of killing him. "It's your turn. Get some sleep. We should get going in the morning." I change the subject.
He yawns out, accepting the idea "alright, thanks Sayd" he says closing his eyes. I stare ahead of me, wondering what this new place will offer us.
We leave before sunrise. Rick and Michonne take the lead with Daryl in the rear. I stay with Carl, walking in the middle "I think you should forgive Daryl" Carl says to me in a low voice so no one else could here.
I look to him and smile "you should've been sleeping not ease dropping." I chuckle. Of course he couldn't sleep, none of us really could after what happened that night.
"He said he was sorry, that's not easy for him" he responds to me.
"I do forgive him Carl." I tell the young man "I just can't forget what happened." I explain.
"Why not?" He asks.
"My heart- well it's never really been whole to start with. It's been shattered for years. Daryl's the first person I let in who fixed it, who made me feel whole." I explain.
He looks at me confused "then why not forget what happened, he didn't mean it."
"cause it was shattered again, and I can't live through that pain again, I just can't" I say. "I'm lucky I was with you and your dad. You've really helped me through it." I try and change the subject.
I can tell he doesn't want to let this go but he smirks at me "ya, I am pretty awesome" he jokes.
"damn right you are" I smile back. We chuckle together but stop when we notice Rick and Michonne stopped ahead of us. "What is it?" I ask them.
Daryl walks past Carl and I as Rick wipes off a piece of wood with his foot. It's a sign for Terminus "we're getting close now" Daryl comments "be there before sundown."
"Now we head through the woods." Rick directs "we don't know who they are" he adds on.
"All right" Daryl says taking the lead into the woods.