Chapter 7

"Leaving already?" Fitz asked as Jemma passed by him with her coat on and walking towards the door. Unless one of them had a meeting or something really urgent to finish, they always left work to go home together so she would have to be convincing for him not to suspect anything.

"Oh yeah sorry … forgot to tell you I have a doctor's appointment … can't miss it or I'll have to wait for months to get a new one!" She said, wincing internally at how bad she sounded even when telling such an innocent and very believable lie.

"Oh … are you sick?" He asked, a little worry in his voice as he finally looked up at her and took off the huge magnifying goggles he was wearing to work on small pieces of electronics. She couldn't help smiling at the sight. She might be a scientist and a professional but she'd never stop finding those funny.

"Oh no don't worry, it's just my bi-annual gynecologist appointment …" She said, vaguely remembering the actual spy classes they had at the Academy. If you want someone to drop a subject, make it too personal or embarrassing. She really wasn't the best at lying but fortunately Fitz was so very uncomfortable when talking about any kind of bodily function that it shouldn't be too hard. "Just a basic check-up to see if everything's fine, if my IUD's still in place, things like that …" She added as casually as possible and he frowned.

"Why do you have an IUD? Are you … hum … are you seeing someone?" he replied and she didn't know if he was more confused at the idea, embarrassed about asking about such things or maybe a bit hurt for some reason she didn't exactly understand. To be honest, she wasn't exactly comfortable talking about this with him either and she would have chosen another tactic if she knew it wouldn't make him drop the subject immediately.

"No of course no, I would have told you Fitz!" She said, rolling her eyes in a way he was quite familiar with and he gave a slightly sheepish but still confused smile.

"Then why …"

"It is strongly advised for all female agents to use some kind of method of contraception all the time, unless when they actually want to have children of course …" She answered and he was still a bit confused. They never talked about those things in class, only with the doctors during their bi-annual check-ups and considering he'd never been in any kind of long term relationship with someone from the Academy, he never had to think about those things. "In case we get captured or need to use … "

"Oh … no … "He cut her off, finally understanding where she was going with this and looking horrified. "I never thought of that" He let out, automatically reaching for her hand and she gave him a soft reassuring smile.

"Don't worry Fitz, it's mostly for women in the field, operations agents, especially those working undercover. Nothing's going to happen to me in the lab!" She said and he seemed to relax a bit. She gave his hand a small squeeze before letting go.

"Well I have to go or I'll be late. Don't work too late tonight, okay, there's still a lot to do at the flat before we leave!" She said and he sighed wistfully.

"Yeah yeah … I should be out of here by seven or so. Do you want me to grab pizza on the way?" He asked with an hopeful smile and she chuckled.

"Nope sorry, there's still plenty of food in the fridge, I'd like us to finish everything we can before we leave." She replied and he sighed again.

"Great … leftover for dinner …" He pouted and she ruffled his hair playfully.

"Come on I'm sure we'll manage to make something nice out of it!" She said before wrapping her scarf around her neck, taking her gloves out of her bag and making her way to the door. "I'll see you at home!"

"See you later Jem!" He replied, threading his fingers through his hair to flatten them. Not that he really needed it. With this new haircut, they were too short to really get messy but she supposed it had become an habit of him to look offended every time she did that.

-0-0-0-

She'd be home in twenty minutes and if Fitz really did leave work at seven, it meant she had two hours to prepare his surprise. It wasn't much but if there was one thing she excelled at, it was preparation. She felt a little bit guilty making him worry about the whole IUD thing for nothing but hopefully, the nice evening she had in store for him would make him forget all about it.

She'd been wanting to organize something like this for him for months already, ever since she and Amy arrived in New York and she'd seen how he took care of everything. And she thought about it again every time he did something nice, which was pretty much every day. But unfortunately, life was keeping her really busy and it's only when they started talking about Christmas and she realized they wouldn't spend it together that she took it upon her to do something before they went their separate way for the holidays. And when Amy said she'd like to spend the night at her friend Calie, Jemma saw it as a perfect opportunity to spend an evening just the two of them like they hadn't done pretty much since they moved in together. Not that she didn't like spending time with her sister or that she wasn't really glad that the three of them get on so well together, but she'd missed having her best friend all to herself and she liked to believe he felt the same.

-0-0-0-

An hour and a half later, Jemma was rather proud of herself. The cake was finished cooking, the lasagna was in the oven, the salad was ready and she'd managed to dress a very pretty table along with really nice decorations. The only thing she had left to do was ice the cake so that meant she even had the time to take a shower and change into something more comfortable.

After getting out of the shower, she towel dried her hair and decided to let them finish drying naturally. It was getting really cold outside but she wouldn't need to get out tonight and it was nicely warm inside. She also decided to reapply a bit of makeup, not that Fitz would notice anyway but she hadn't had time to sleep much these past few weeks and her complexion was even paler than usual so she thought that a little bit of blush would definitely not be too much.

All of that was done rather quickly, which was good because she lost quite some time deciding what to wear. As she was showering she'd thought about a few nice dresses she hadn't had the occasion to wear in quite some time. But then seing all these low cut necklines or slightly see-through materials and combined with the pretty table and nice cosy atmosphere she'd created to give a Christmasy feeling, it felt way too confusingly like a date. So after spending ten minutes in only a towel and hoping Fitz wouldn't be early, she'd settled on a red wooly pull-over dress. It was still pretty with a nice neckline and coming a bit above the knee but it felt fluffy enough to give a Christmas vibe instead of a date vibe. She still added a pair of leggings and flat boots for good measure and went back to the kitchen to finish getting everything ready.

-0-0-0-

Fitz's stomach let out a big growl as he got out of the elevator. He only had a small sandwich for lunch and didn't take the time to get his usual mid-afternoon snack because he didn't want to get home too late so he'd be able to spend some time with Jemma before they each took their separate plane home. Since actually living together, he didn't think they'd spent more than a few hours apart in four months and if most people would probably be glad to have a little alone time, Fitz felt like he was going to miss her during the week they'd spend apart before he came to Sheffield for New Year's Eve. Maybe his mom was right, maybe they were a bit co-dependant but he wouldn't have it any other way.

Anyway, as much as he loved his best friend, he hoped he'd be able to change her mind. He really wasn't in the mood for left over broccoli or whatever, more for something like pizza, beer and chocolate cake!

As he opened the door, he was surprised to be greeted with so little light. There seemed to be only a little bit of light coming from the living room, just like when one of them came home really late and the other left only the kitchen lamp on so the other would know he/she was home but just went to bed. Even though she packed her own suitcase the previous week-end, he still thought she'd be on crazy pre-holiday mode, checking and re-checking everything and moving about the apartment like a tiny cheerful British hurricane. But maybe for once, she managed to convince herself that getting everything ready several days early meant that you could actually relax on the day before your departure. So he supposed she was probably taking a bath or having a nap.

"Jemma?" He called out in a soft voice in case it was the latter.

"Surprise!" She cried out and Fitz let out a loud gasp of surprise as a smile started tugging at his lips. She very obviously hadn't been napping in the past two hours.

"Wow …" Was all he could say for a moment.

There was a wonderful smell coming from the kitchen and the table had been set like for a Christmas dinner with a red tablecloth and pretty silver stars everywhere. Only the kitchen lights were turned on and she'd set at least twenty or thirty candles all over the living room that gave out a soft golden glow to the whole room. Of course it was nothing compared to the blinding smile she was wearing on her face. The lighting gave a nice warm tone to her usually quite pasty skin and with the way she'd let her hair get all wavy, she looked younger than she had in months and like she didn't have a worry in the world. That, even more than the rest made his heart flutter with joy.

Until he saw the pretty colorful banner on the opposite wall that said "Happy Birthday Fitz" and his smile turned to an amused grin.

"Jemma, i know you've been tired lately and really it's the thought that counts but you know my birthday was in August right?" He asked and she rolled her eyes fondly.

"Of course I know ... come in …" She chirped, moving from where she'd been standing in the middle of the room to grab his hand and make him actually come inside the living room and into the light.

He let out a slightly undignified squeak when she started pulling on his scarf and opening the buttons of his coat. He supposed he'd been here in the middle of their warm living room without moving long enough for her to think he'd forgotten that was what he was supposed to do but still! Swatting her hands away to finish on his own, he was grateful for the soft lighting that would hide the blush creeping up his face after the way she enthusiastically started to divest him of his clothes.

"You've been so sweet and supportive and truly the best friend I could have hoped for these past few months and I wanted to do something nice for you ..."

"Oh Jemma you didn't have to, I did what any good friend would have done ..." He cut her off, shrugging his shoulders like it was nothing but she bareled on.

"No Fitz you really are exceptionnal and since we never got to properly celebrate your birthday this year I thought ..."

"Oh but Jemma we did ... we spent hours on Skype that day and you got that amazing cake delivered here and … »

"I know Fitz but we weren't together it's not the same …" She cut him off and he smiled softly at her.

"And I love that poster of space you got me …" He added and it was her turn to smile softly at him.

"I know and I love that it was the first thing you installed here even before your own bed …" She answered. He'd sent her a photo of it hung on the wall the first day of moving before he even had anything else out of the boxes. She had a beautiful poster of the milky way delivered to their apartment on the day of his birthday. It was a beautiful image in itself and it made sense with their shared passion and will to discover all there was to discover about the universe but what he'd liked above everything was the note that came with it: « Love this picture of us together, thought I'd make it a poster! Even far apart, I'll always be grateful for you being on this planet. Happy Birthday, Love, Jemma »

It was so beautiful and funny and sweet and uncharacteristically … romantic of her that he'd been touched beyond words and actually put the card in the frame behind the poster. That way, when he looked at the picture, not only did it remind him of this love for science that they shared but also that there would always be someone thinking of him on this planet.

"Anyway … I wanted to do something nice so I thought about throwing you a very belated birthday party but then I remembered you're not exactly fond of large groups of people …" She grinned and he chuckled, knowing perfectly well how right she was. "So …" She added, turning around and doing a wide hand gesture to point out at the table and living room in general. "I have salad, lasagnas, chocolate cake AND champagne. And if you're still hungry after that, we'll have pop corn, beer and enough Halloween movies to last through the night!" She finished, beaming and looking quite pleased of herself.

"Jemma … you're the best!" He let out in a whisper as he took the few steps separating them and engulfed her in a tight hug she was quick to reciprocate with a small fond laugh.

A few years earlier, as their first Christmas at the Academy approached, Jemma had been surprised about Fitz's lack of enthusiasm. And after a long night spent studying and talking about a lot of more or less personal stuff, he'd realized he was finally comfortable enough with her to tell her about his alcoholic and verbally abusive father that never made Christmas a nice memory. And even after he'd left, his mom was rarely there on Christmas day because the supermarket where she worked paid double that day and they couldn't afford saying no to more money. So to him, Christmas movies had always felt mostly like other people rubbing their happiness in his face. And since he loved Halloween so much, Jemma had decided that for their last evening together before they left for the holidays and didn't see each other for three weeks, they could compromise. They'd have Christmas decorations for her, Halloween movies to watch for him and for the food well … Fitz was happy with any kind really! They'd spent such a nice evening that it became some kind of tradition for them.

"That's a really soft dress …" He let out as he held her a little tighter and buried his face in her shoulder and she chuckled. Some people might have found the way they let their hug last so long a little awkward but not them. "And you look really pretty in it, very … Christmasy …" He said and he meant it. They were such close friends that, with time, he'd managed to almost forget how distractingly pretty she was and always had been. Until she wore something so very different from her usual clothes and he was reminded of it.

"Oh … thank you, I just wanted to …" She started but he cut her off.

"And god that smell's amazing …" He let out and as he felt her tense a bit, he realized how it might have sounded. It was one thing to make a nice compliment about her look when she'd obviously made an effort to look different but to comment on her smell, it was a bit strange, especially when they were in each other's arms.

"No wait, I didn't mean you, I meant the food …" He said, untangling himself from her and seing her raised eyebrows. " … not that you don't smell nice, you smell very … flowery, very nice … but also you know, the … food …" He finished sheepishly and she smiled fondly. Fortunately she knew him well enough to know how awkward he was feeling at the moment.

"That's alright Fitz I get it …" She said, visibly willing to get him out of his misery. « And … thank you … I guess …" She teased and he smiled shyly. « So how about a glass of champagne?"

"Yes please!"

-0-0-0-

"Hey hey hey are you trying to get me drunk?" Jemma protested as Fitz refilled her glass once more.

"Oh come on Jem ... you have to have champagne with dessert ... and anyway I know you can't resist the bubbles ..." He answered with a teasing smile and a wink. And maybe she was already getting a bit drunk or maybe he was because it felt a bit flirtatious and she knew she couldn't blame the champagne for the blush attacking her cheeks. Who knew Leo Fitz could actually be good at this?

"Fine but just one last glass, I'm feeling a bit light headed already, if I get much more I'll fall asleep twenty minutes into the first movie!"

"Like you won't do just that even if you ..."

"Don't finish that sentence Leo Fitz ..." She cut him off with a frown and a scolding look and he chuckled.

"Okay okay ...I'll leave you the benefit of the doubt I guess … » He said before lifting his glass and waiting for her to do the same. "To us!" He said with a warm smile.

"To us" She answered as they clinked and took a few sips of their glass before putting it back on the table. Things had felt a little strange at the beginning of their meal when she realized just how much it still felt like a date even though she chose not to wear one of her date dresses. But they soon started talking about what they usually talked about, which was pretty much anything really and things went back to normal. Still, this whole setting made Fitz act a little different, almost … smooth and she found it fascinating. After five years it was still possible for her to discover new sides of his personality. And if it was really how he was on a date, she wondered why he didn't have more. Not that she didn't always, she knew how fantastic her best friend was but somehow she was selfish enough to be secretly glad that not everybody could see it immediately and thus leaving him so much time for her.

"So hum … are you sure Amy's at her friend Calie's tonight? Cause I've seen her text that boy and giggling like crazy the other day and …" Fitz started but Jemma cut him off with a fond smile.

"While I think it's absolutely adorable that you try to act like an overprotective big brother …" She started and he rolled his eyes slightly. He was still a little annoyed anytime she called something he did adorable. "It's not going to be like that with Amy. I'm not my mom and I'll never try to replace her for Amy and even though I'm still the one in charge, I still want her to see me as her older sister and someone she can talk to about anything, not an authority figure. So if she wants to date a boy and then someday have sex with him, we agreed that she'll be able to talk to me about it."

"Mmmh okay …" Fitz replied, visibly a bit embarrassed at the turn of the conversation. Poor Fitz probably wasn't used to these kinds of conversations. He didn't have siblings or cousins to talk about sex or relationships growing up, his father was gone before Fitz started really thinking about those things and however sweet Lorna Fitz was, she was probably a bit too traditional for Fitz to be comfortable talking to her. Jemma was actually pretty sure she was the only person he ever talked to about those things and it already took a long time for him to trust her.

"What I mean is that I know she's at Calie's because if she wanted to see a boy she'd tell me … because she knows I wouldn't forbid it. She would find a way to do it anyway. Dating and kissing and sex are really nice, it's just … I hope she'll talk to me when things happen in her life so I can help her and prevent her from doing the same mistakes I made …"

Once she finished talking she realized how even more embarrassed he looked now and also a little conflicted it seemed. It was probably a lot more than he expected from her when he mentioned Amy and trying to make sure she was safe.

"And now I've made you uncomfortable, I'm sorry Fitz, let's talk about something else. How do you like …" She started but he cut her off, putting his head on his hands and thus getting closer to her across the table.

"No it's alright Jem it's just … it's a very … pragmatic and healthy way of dealing with that situation, didn't expect any less of you!" He said with a small knowing smile and she smiled back softly. "But it just makes me wish I had someone like that growing up … I mean we kind of had each other but …"

"… we were both just as inexperienced?" She finished with a small grin.

"Yeah …" He grinned back even though she could see it still made him a bit uncomfortable. "Still could have told you Milton was bloody useless though ..."

"Fitz!" She cried out more as an automatic reaction than in real offense and he grinned even wider. She'd known from the beginning that Fitz didn't like him and it had annoyed her. At first she'd told herself it was because she didn't like people criticizing her choice of boyfriends but in time she'd realized it was probably because, even though he wasn't a very social person Fitz had always been a good judge of character and somehow she always knew he'd be proven right.

"He was ... nice but I have to admit he was really quite ... boring ..."

"Yeah, always agreeing with everything you ..."

"... Never wanting to try new things ..."

"...were saying ... Uh?" Fitz stopped, his eyes getting comically wide when he understood that her mind had strayed to a completely different territory when he mentioned Milton being useless.

"Oh ..." He let out when he saw her small knowing smile. "I should have known this idiot couldn't even get this RIGHT ..." He grinned.

"Oh like you would have been any better back then at eighteen?"

"What?" He cried out in outrage. "I'll have you know that I've always been very careful and thorough and ..."

"Okay okay sorry Fitz ...this conversation has officially gone too far, let's change the subject okay?" She cut him off and he nodded a bit sheepishly, probably feeling a little embarrassed because of what he was about to reveal. It was so easy to provoke him when it came to his male ego. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little curious of what he was about to say. Spending pretty every waking minute with a male best friend for five years, she'd also be lying if she said her mind had never strayed, wondering how he was like in a romantic situation. Was he as skittish as he was when faced with anything concerning bodily fluids or could he get as passionate as he was when talking about science? Fortunately, he cut her off before that train of thought went too far and she got completely distracted.

"That cake is delicious Jem ..." He said tentatively and she smiled fondly. Food. That was a safe topic for Fitz.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah ... one of your best I think!"

"Good then ..." She beamed. "Wanna take this to the coffee table and start movie night?" She asked and he nodded eagerly.

"Hocus Pocus?" She asked as she stood up and took her plate to walk towards the couch.

"Sure! You can never go wrong with this one." He replied, putting one more piece of cake on his plate and grabbing the rest of the champagne bottle on the way.

"What?" He squeaked when he noticed her raised eyebrows and she gave a little nod of the head towards the bottle he was holding.

"We might get thirsty during the movie."

-0-0-0-

An hour and a half later, the champagne was long gone and less than a half of the cake lay on the coffee table after Jemma convinced him not to eat all that night. He reminded her that his mom would tell him again how skinny he was and it wouldn't hurt to gain a few pounds but she insisted on the fact that he really didn't want to get sick on too much chocolate when he had to spend ten hours between airplanes and airports and he had to admit she had a very valid point.

Jemma had taken off her shoes and was half lying down on the couch, snuggled to his side with her head on his shoulder. He'd teased her about the fact that she was really just like a cat and only liked him for his body heat and probably being just a slightly bit tipsy, she was also getting a little childish and had just stuck her tongue out at him and snuggled even closer.

He liked it when she was like that: happy, playful and relaxed, like she didn't have a care in the world. With their intense rythm at work and everything she had to deal with since her parent's death, he'd been scared that she would crack at some point but she never did. She was even stronger than he thought she was but he still thought it was good for her to finally take a break.

"So what's next?" She asked as the credits rolled and she looked lazily up at him.

"Mmmhh I don't know. What do you want to watch?" He replied, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

"Oh no no it's your night, you choose!"

"Mmmhh then would you be terribly shocked if I went for Ghostbusters 2 without watching the first one?" He asked and she gasped in fake offense as she straightened up a bit.

"Fitz! I AM shocked …" She cried out.

"It's just, we both prefer the second one and I'm getting a little tired and I'm not sure I'll have the courage to watch another movie after this one so …" He replied and she pouted exaggeratedly, which was admittedly adorable.

"But it's still early and we're having such a good time together Fitz, you can't go to bed so soon …"

"Oh come on Jem, I see you fighting to keep your eyes open already!" He teased as he pulled her even closer against him once more and she giggled lightly. Jemma wasn't usually a giggler so it could only mean one thing. "And you're getting drunk …" He added and she gasped again.

"I'm not drunk, I'm barely tipsy and still perfectly clear headed and I can go all night if I want to!" She replied in a tone that brood no argument.

"Fine then let's watch this one and we'll see if we want another one after that okay?"

"Fine!"

Once he stopped Hocus Pocus and started Ghostbusters 2, he sat back in the couch and Jemma settled back with her head on his shoulder. He really hoped they'd get more nights like that in the months to come because it really had been too long and he could definitely get used to

"I'm really having a good time as well, you know." He said with a soft voice as the opening credits appeared on screen.

"Me too Fitz and I'm going to miss you over the holidays …" She sighed and he felt a little shiver go down his spine at the way she unintentionally breathed into his neck as she did so. It really had been too long since he shared anything other than a platonic intimacy with anyone and was probably getting extra sensitive.

"But it's only going to be a week and then we'll meet up for New Year …"

"I know!" She cried out before letting her voice go down to a softer tone. "I know, it's just, we're kind of a family now I thought we'd spend Christmas together this year and well …" She sighed again.

"I know that sucks but I couldn't leave mom alone and you couldn't not spend Christmas with your aunt …" He said as he rubbed her arm soothingly. "But tonight has been great, we can see it as a kind of late birthday-slash-early Christmas, right?" He half whispered into her ear and she almost seemed to melt closer into his arms, fully hugging his chest now and he chuckled fondly.

"Yes …" She breathed out.

"And thank you again for tonight, it was really delicious and really really sweet of you …" He said as he gently cupped her jaw to make her look into his eyes. The look of pure tenderness and affection in her hazel eyes sent his heart beating hard against his chest. Hopefully it wasn't only the alcohol that made her so affectionate because it was a nice feeling and he didn't want it to stop.

"No Fitz thank YOU for everything you did, I could never have done it without you and …"

"No really I've told you any good friend would have …" He started but she cut him off.

"No Fitz! Stop cutting me off!" She chastised him with a fond smile before pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Let me tell you what an amazing friend you've been! You've been so supportive and sweet …" And then she kissed his other cheek. "and you built all our furniture …" and then his forehead and they both started giggling as he very weakly tried to push her away. "And you help Amy do her homework and build blanket forts with her …" She added, kissing the tip of his nose for good measure. "And still have time to take care of me and my crazy moods …"

"Oh well I wouldn't say crazy exactly …" He started and they were both fully laughing until her lips made contact with the corner of his mouth. He was about to tell her she was probably more than tipsy if her aim was getting so off but then she pulled her lips away only to press them fully and deliberately on his lips with a small gasp that sounded like she was surprising herself and he wasn't laughing anymore. And before he really had the time to think about it, he was kissing her back and whatever trouble Bill Murray and his friends were getting themselves into, it all disappeared and all he could focus on now was the sound of his heart beating impossibly fast in his chest and the taste of his best friend's lips.

The kiss was as good as it was unexpected. After the initial moment of hesitation where time seemed to stand still and they remained just lips against lips, Jemma tentatively opened her mouth to actually kiss him and it was all he needed to follow her lead. He captured her lower lips between his and she let out a small sigh when he bit lightly on it. Her hands moved from his cheeks where she'd been holding on to him, to his neck, and pulling him a little closer, she tilted her head to the side. Her tongue sliding across his upper lip finally did the job of shutting off his brain completely and they deepened the kiss. As they explored each other's mouth, his arms went around her waist to pull her flush to him and her chest against his in this moment felt like his heart would actually beat out of his chest, however physically impossible it was.

She tasted like champagne and chocolate and smelt like flowers. It felt like he was in a dream, acting out such an improbable situation and in the same time feeling like he was watching it from the outside, having no control over it. A really small voice in his head was telling him to stop, that he shouldn't kiss his best friend but the bigger part of him was enjoying the way her tongue tangled with his and her fingers threaded through his hair too much to listen to that annoying tiny voice so he pushed it aside his kisses redoubled in passion.

-0-0-0-

It had to be the best kiss she's had since she couldn't even remember when. Maybe it was the tiredness or the alcohol but it felt heavenly … or properly sinful, depending on which way you wanted to see it. He was not only kissing her with his lips, he was kissing her with his whole body. His surprisingly strong arms were pulling her against his chest and his palms on her waist felt warm even through her thick wooly dress. The way he went from teasing her with the tip of his tongue to fully mapping out her mouth was driving her the very good kind of mad, making her moan into his mouth. Her hands slowly descended from his soft curls to rest on his chest and it's only when her fingers came in contact with his heated skin that she realized she'd just popped open a button on his shirt and … OH GOD IT WAS FITZ'S SHIRT! She was kissing her best friend senseless and starting to undress him! What was she doing?

Her brain finally regaining some kind of clarity, she finally broke the kiss with an involuntary whimper from them both and used her hold on his chest to push herself away from him. For a moment, they remained frozen, looking at each other as they panted hard to catch their breath. His blue eyes had gone almost completely dark, probably as much from arousal as well as from the low lighting of the room but she supposed hers probably looked the same.

"Oh god Fitz … I'm so sorry! I should never have done that it's just …"

"No Jemma don't apologize, you didn't force me to anything and anyway I think … "

" … so sweet and I'm gonna miss you …"

" … don't know what this means for our relationship but …"

" … alcohol probably got me confused and this is a huge mistake …"

"I'm sorry what?" They both finally let out at the same time, looking at each other with furrowed brows.

In post snogging haze and complete panic, Jemma was only finally realizing that Fitz was also trying to say something and gestured for him to continue.

"No it's alright ... you go first Jemma …" He replied, moving as further away from her on the couch as he could, holding a pillow to his chest and looking suddenly extremely interested by what was happening on TV.

"I'm sorry Fitz … I just … I think I just got carried away because we were having such a nice moment and with the champagne and the candles I don't know … but that's no excuse. Our friendship is everything to me and I cannot ruin this by acting so stupidly …" She said with tears pooling in her eyes. He was still looking away from her and it was hard to see his reaction in the relative darkness of the room.

"Oh … yeah … hmmm yeah … of course you're right. But it's-it's not your fault. I got … carried away as well I suppose …" He finally said, fiddling with his shirt buttons to close them again and her stupid hormone addled brain couldn't stop herself from replaying the way his long fingers had skimmed down her back and against her sides as he'd kissed her. Still not feeling exactly in control of herself, she decided it was probably safer to look away.

"Okay … but hum what were you saying about …"

"Our relationship? Hmmhh you know same as you … We're friends, best friends even … can't let that change it, obviously it was just the …"

"Alcohol and the ambiance … It didn't mean …"

"Anything … No it didn't mean anything …" he trailed off and they both looked at each other for a moment before seating back on the couch. For the first time in a long time, she couldn't really read what was happening inside his head. Most likely, he wasn't paying any more attention to the movie than she was. Her own brain was too busy trying to sort out all the mixed signals she was receiving from herself. Why did it feel so good kissing him? After knowing him for so long it should have felt like kissing a cousin or a brother but it was just the opposite of that. She knew she told him the right thing but it still didn't stop her from wanting to kiss him again. Intellectually she knew it was probably because of the hormones and the fact that she hadn't been with anyone in a while and maybe the champagne but the tenderness she'd always felt for him didn't make things any easier.

"Hmmmh … I think I should probably go to bed now …" He let out with a tentative voice and the tears started to pool in her eyes once more.

"Oh no Fitz It's such a mess … I'm such a mess ... I wanted to do something nice for you tonight and I ruined everything and now …"

"No no Jemma it's not like that …" he cut her off, moving to take her hand in his then visibly changing his mind and putting it back on his lap. "Like I told you I was tired to begin with and …"

"Oh Fitz please I know …"

"Okay yeah obviously I feel really awkward … we both do …" He said and one first tear fell from her eye. "But I just need a shower and a good night's sleep and … we'll just … forget about it." He said with a small but sincere smile.

"Really?" Her voice was small and a little hoarse and his smile turned achingly tender.

"Yes Jemma, we're gonna be fine."

"Okay then …" She answered as she moved to take the remote and stop the movie. "You go take your shower and I'll finish cleaning up in here." But before she had the time to stand up, he gently cupped her jaw and used his thumb to wipe out the tears that had fallen down her cheeks without her even noticing.

"And thank you again for tonight Jemma. I really had a great time and I swear to you that you didn't ruin anything." He added once again and she really hoped he was right because she'd never forgive herself if she did.

-0-0-0-

The next morning, things were just as awkward as Jemma feared they would be. After a sleepless night replaying the events of the evening and trying to make sense of them, Jemma woke up feeling just as confused as she was when she went to bed. She kept telling herself the same things, that it was just a combination of the alcohol, the romantic setting, the fact that she hadn't been with anyone in a while and yes, her obvious tenderness for her best friend. But still, she couldn't forget how good and heated it had been and how surprisingly confident he had acted. Every time she closed her eyes or let her mind wander, it came back to that moment. And that was why, as they took their breakfast and cleaned up the apartment, they barely shared a few polite words and awkward looks.

Fortunately, when Amy came home, she was so busy with doing her own chores and adding last minute items to her suitcase that she didn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary. Until, they all hoped into the cab that would drive them to the airport and she realized after ten minutes that not only she was the only one talking but she also ended up in the middle seat when she logically expected it would be Jemma there.

Turning to Jemma, she mouthed a "what's wrong?" with her eyes moving between her and Fitz and Jemma was immensely grateful for her sister choosing to be discreet for once and not addressing the elephant in the cab out loud.

"Later" Jemma mouthed back at her and the cab remained silent for the rest of the duration of the ride to the airport, all three of them trying to look busy on their phone. For her part, Jemma just spent half an hour rereading the same unimportant email didn't even manage to finish typing the answer that should have taken her less than two minutes all while trying not to let her eyes fill with tears once more. She tried to tell herself that considering what had happened the previous night, things were bound to be a little awkward for a time and would get back to normal soon enough but she couldn't help thinking that she did ruin everything, that they would never feel this comfortable with each other again, that she'd always have second thoughts before snuggling next to him from now on and that thought was threatening to suffocate her. Suddenly, she felt a hand come to rest lightly on top of hers on her lap and when she turned to look at her, Amy was giving her a gentle smile coupled with a slightly worried look. She tried her best to smile back at her and even though it probably wasn't very convincing, her sister's blind support made her feel a little better.

Fitz was taking a different plane to Glasgow but since they were traveling on the same company and their plane left only twenty minutes away from each other, they all went through check-in and security together, still while not saying anything except the bare minimum and sharing awkward smiles to try and reassure Amy and each other that things were alright. From the way Amy rolled her eyes and sighed a few times, she was obviously not convinced and Jemma was afraid she'd get tired of it and ask them what was happening out loud but either she understood that it wouldn't help or for once didn't want to witness any kind of awkward conversation because she refrained from doing so.

-0-0-0-

"Well that's us …" Jemma said softly as the stewardess announced that their plane was ready for the passengers to embark.

All three of them stood up and once Amy and Jemma had their coat on, boarding card and passport ready, they all stood still for a moment until Amy probably decided that it was ridiculous and took a step to give Fitz a quick side hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Happy Christmas Amy and well you know … safe travels and all that …" He said, his mouth quirking up slightly and she gave him a small smile back.

"Have fun with your mum Fitz and see you for New Year's" Amy said before moving a few feet away, probably trying to give them a little privacy. Which was a nice attention but didn't really help because it didn't feel any less awkward without her within hearing distance anyway.

"Well try and take some rest while you're home Jem." He said, resting his hand lightly on her shoulder. "And I'll see you in a week" He added before taking his hand away from her and moving back before she had the time to reciprocate the gesture. She supposed they'd have to refrain from physical contact for a time as well. It made her sad but she was the one who kissed him so unexpectedly so she had to respect his boundaries if she wanted them to get back to normal at some point, however badly it hurt.

"Yes you too Fitz … and text me to tell me when you've landed." She said and he nodded with a smile.

After a moment of staring at each other, both of them knowing it wasn't their normal way of saying goodbye, Jemma finally looked away, grabbed her carry-on luggage and started walking towards her door with Amy at her side.

The further she walked away from Fitz, the heavier her heart seemed to weigh and soon, she felt the tears starting to pool into her eyes again. When she looked at the door and the passengers starting to embark to get into the plane, she was reminded of that time she went home during her second year at the Academy. Jemma and her mom had been fighting about something she couldn't even remember now just before she had to take her plane back to the US and when she and her dad had accompanied her to the airport, she'd given her mother a very cold goodbye and kiss on the cheek instead of the usual group hug and teary goodbye. Of course they'd spoken on the phone a few days later and made things better but now she couldn't help thinking that it could have been the last time she saw them. What if they had their accident on the way back from the airport and her mother died thinking her daughter was mad at her and Jemma was left with such a cold bitter last memory of her mother.

And then, she started panicking, tears falling freely from her eyes and feeling like she couldn't get enough air into her lungs. What if something happened to her or Fitz? They'd be left with a very sad last memory of feeling too uncomfortable with each other to even have a small hug or proper goodbye. He'd be left not knowing how much she cared for him and she'd be left knowing she was responsible for making their last moments together not as warm as they should have been. She knew it was a grim thought to have and she should probably just let it go and let time do its work but she felt so awful she thought she was going to be sick.

"Jemma are you alright?" Amy asked, looking obviously concerned at the state of her sister. "Will you please tell me what happened with Fitz? You're really starting to freak me out and if you don't …" She started but Jemma cut her off.

"I'm sorry Amy, I'll tell you I promise, I just … please keep that for me" She said, giving Amy the handle of her suitcase and she took it automatically. "I won't be long, it's a huge plane and they've just started embarking, we have time …"

"Jemma, what are you …"

"I'll only be a minute or two I promise I just have to … I won't be long …" She repeated and before Amy could answer anything, she started walking as fast as she could back in the direction they'd just come from.

Fitz was still standing up and visibly not feeling too good himself because he was looking in their direction and even from the twenty or so meters that separated them, she could see his eyes were shining from unshed tears. This time, when she was only a few feet away from him, she didn't hesitate and flung herself at him, her arms going around his chest and she let out a sigh of joy and relief when he didn't hesitate to put his arms around her shoulders either.

"I'm sorry Fitz, that was an awful goodbye and I didn't want to leave like that in case …"

"I know I know …" He cut her off, his voice slightly muffled by the way he had his face buried in the hood of her coat. "I'm sorry too, I told you we'd be fine and we will … no more half assed goodbyes and tense silences between us okay?"

"Okay!" She replied with a tiny chuckle in the same time she sniffled before untangling herself from him.

"And your hugs will always be welcome Jem. Whatever happens you'll always be my best friend, yeah?"

"Yes Fitz of course …" She answered, her heart beating a little faster under his soft affectionate gaze for some reason she decided not to analyze for now.

"Now let me just …" He started as he used both his thumbs to wipe the tears off her cheeks for the second time in less than twenty four hours. "You're gonna look like the crazy woman you are if I don't …" He teased and she gently swatted his hand away to do the same for the few ones he probably didn't even realized had fallen on his cheeks.

"All good?" She asked after passing a hand through her hair and pressing the back of her cold hands to her eyes in the hope that it would make them less puffy.

"Always …" He answered with a soft smile and she knew it was a lie but she accepted it anyway. "Go on then or you'll miss your plane!"

"Okay then … bye Fitz. See you in a week!" She said and ran back to where Amy was waiting for her with her suitcase and an impatient look on her face that made a small smile tug at her lips. As they embarked into their plane, she felt like a weight had been lifted off her chest but when she looked back she could see that Fitz had gotten a little closer to their door and was watching them embark. When their eyes crossed, he gave her a small wave and a wink and she could only smile and wave back. When she had to turn around for good and give the stewardess her boarding card, there was a new confusing feeling in her chest.

When they were finally inside the plane and seating relatively comfortably next to each other, Amy turned to Jemma with a knowing look.

"So, will you tell me what the bloody hell happened with Fitz and what was that all about?" She finally asked and Jemma was quite impressed she managed to wait for so long.

She knew she'd have to tell her and had spent a large portion of their cab drive and waiting time at the airport trying to prepare how she'd explain it to her and how she'd make her understand it was just an accident and didn't mean anything. But right now, as images and feelings from their latest interactions of the day and events of the previous night passed through her brain, she had trouble remembering a single word of what she was supposed to say.