Memories Lost
Chapter Two
An Altered Reality
...
Half an hour earlier
Harvey's P.O.V.
Over the last couple of weeks Harvey had felt the familiar sensation of panic rising once again within him; the sweating palms, the nausea, the shallow breathing and the sensation of choking. He hadn't felt like this in almost five years ... and now... but now it was different.. the stakes were even higher. He had to keep it together, if not for himself.. for his family. He felt like God must be punishing him. If it wasn't for his past mistakes, then Donna wouldn't have been targeted by Gallo and she certainly wouldn't be here right now.
Harvey had asked Jean, Donna's nurse, to follow him out to the hospital corridor beyond Donna's room, he needed to speak to her in private, out of earshot of Donna. With Donna's superior instincts he knew she would be sussing something was off and she wouldn't take no for an answer until she found out the truth!
When they reached the corridor, Harvey turned to Jean, his hands on his hips, he didn't know what to say. He had gotten to know Jean, the ICU nurse, so well these past couple of weeks .. she felt more like a friend at this stage. She had been there through it all. He put his hand through his hair and let out a breath ... "Jean.. her memory, I think there is something seriously wrong with her memory".
"Harvey, look at me ... you've been through so much these past few weeks .. we.. are so lucky that Donna is even alive, her attack ... the fall she took .. remember we almost lost her and we discussed the possible side effects should she pull through ... memory loss being one of them?"
Harvey nodded, he knew Jean was right, he was so lucky that Donna had survived Gallo's attack, but seeing her come around finally, his hopes had been raised so high, and now ... discovering that Donna's memory appeared to be affected, it was almost too much to bear ... wait... if she thought it was five years ago... did that also mean ... no surely... had she forgotten everything that had happened between them in the intervening years .. Harvey put his head in his hands ... Oh God he thought!
"Harvey I have alerted Dr. Cassidy, she has been part of Donna's medical neurology team, she's on her way here right now."
Harvey nodded his thanks and decided to take a seat in the waiting area just right outside Donna's hospital room.
After a couple of minutes of staring at the walls ... trying to take it all in ...The next thing he knew, Mike and Rachel were arriving with little Lily in tow. Harvey smiled, he was so happy to see them. Harvey noted that Lily was sound asleep ... her arms hugging Rachel's neck; they had been so supportive these last few weeks, he didn't know what he would have done without them. Harvey knew that Mike had been blaming himself for Donna being put in Gallo's radar too.
Harvey shot up from his seat and Mike embraced Harvey with a comforting pat on the back ... "we decided to come down early,... see if there was any change?" Mike added hopefully. Rachel greeted Harvey with a warm smile and leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek .
"Hey ...See ... nothing to worry about ... this little one is out for the count, fell fast asleep in the car on the way here."
Harvey smiled "There is news... she's come around ... she's awake."
"Harvey... that's fantastic news ... when ...how is she?" Mike asked, but immediately he knew that something was wrong, Harvey should be more excited.
"Everything OK?" Mike asked warily.
Rachel had Lily in her arms, Harvey noted she was just starting to wake up.
"This little one has been so excited to see Mommy!."
"Daddy" Lily yawned and raised her hands out for Harvey.
"Thanks Rachel", Harvey took his daughter into his arms and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Daddy" Lily said excitedly ... "I wanna see Mommy, Daddy", "want to show her my new teddy bear Auntie Rachel got me"
Harvey hadn't noticed until now that Lily had been clutching a beautiful stuffed brown bear.
Rachel smiled broadly.
"Thanks Rach ", Harvey smiled in return.
"Least I could do Harvey."
Mike spoke still concerned "so how is she, something the matter?"
"Well ... yes and no ... she seems to be fine, all things considered ... but there may be a slight problem with her memory." Harvey confided in Mike and Rachel quietly, noting that at four, Lily was already listening to every little word.
"What do you mean ... problem?"
Harvey quipped almost sarcastically "Well for starters Mike, she seems to think you are still in Danbury Penitentiary"
Rachel gasped putting her arm around Mike's waist and her other hand to her mouth.
"What... what's causing it?" Rachel asked worriedly.
"They're not sure, one of the neurology doctors is on her way here." Harvey replied
"But then... wait ... does that mean... she forgets ... everything... from then onwards?" Rachel didn't know how to ask the inevitable questions.
Harvey nodded "It's possible ... I think she may have lost five years of memories or there abouts."
"But then ...if ... wait... then will she remember ... ?" Rachel put her hand to Lily's head, fearing the news that her best friend may not remember her beautiful family.
Harvey nodded crest fallen "Who knows what she'll remember Rach, I just don't know yet."
"We're here Harvey" Mike spoke assertively... "anything you need .. anything at all...we're here."
Harvey nodded in thanks to Mike.
Just then a tall red haired doctor arrived with Nurse Jean.
The doctor extended her hand to Harvey "Mr. Specter, you may remember me, we've met a couple of times, I'm Dr. Cassidy."
"Nurse Holmes has paged me .. you believe your wife may have some memory issues?"
"Rachel could you take Lily again, would you mind?"
"Of course Harvey, we'll take her home ... call if you need anything, hear me?"
Harvey gave Lily a give a huge hug and kissed her before passing her to Rachel" "Be good for Auntie Rachel and Uncle Mike, OK hunny?"
"OK Daddy" Lily put her arms out for Harvey again and Rachel helped her lean over for another goodbye kiss.
Mike spoke then "Rach ... just wait here a minute... just going to the restroom, then we'll head"
Rachel replied "Sure, no problem" and sat with Lily and her new teddy bear on her lap on the seats in the waiting area for a moment to wait for Mike to return.
Dr. Cassidy spoke then "So, Mr. Specter, how about I come into your wife's room and we'll just have a little chat, a few questions, I should have a better idea of any memory loss then, plus I'm going to order some new MRI scans."
Harvey nodded, appreciative of any help he could source for Donna.
"What if she asks questions ... what do I say ? ... I don't want to scare her, but ... she has always known when I'm not fully truthful?"
"I have always believed ... answer truthfully; but let Donna take the lead; that way patients with memory loss can cope better, they tend to ask the questions they want answered in their own good time."
"OK, if that's what you recommend?" Harvey replied. He was uncertain of her idea, knowing that Dr. Cassidy didn't know Donna at all; if she did she would know that Donna would want to know everything, all at once, and would certainly not ask questions at a leisurely pace.
As Harvey and the doctor spoke, Lily still sat with Rachel and played with her new teddy bear, she watched the hospital door in front of her, she knew from the adults talking that her Mommy was in that room. All of a sudden she decided to take her opportunity and she made a dash through the door, with one thing on her mind. She wanted to see her Mommy.
Harvey gasped when he saw Lily dash through the door. "Lily, come here, Lily!"
"It's OK Harvey .. I'll get her" Rachel dashed through in a flash, afraid that Lily might not get the response she expected from her Mommy.
Harvey was grateful for Rachel's quick action.
What now he thought, what now?
...
Harvey had joined Dr. Cassidy in Donna's hospital room and now Donna wanted answers. Of that he was certain.
Donna watched as Harvey got the red haired doctor a seat from beside the window and then placed it beside his seat at her bedside.
Gearing themselves up she thought to tell her the worst.
After she had sat down, Donna noted that the medical doctor had taken the medical chart from the end of her hospital bed. Harvey followed Donna's gaze and tried to give her a wide reassuring smile, but on the inside he was dying, he felt so sad and worried for her, he knew she must be so confused right now .. but he didn't know if this conversation was going to help or hinder her recovery and it scared him half to death. What could she remember? ... had she forgotten everything? ... only time would tell... if she had? ... how would she react to him? ... to their family?!
"Oh" Donna gasped. "It's like that?"
Harvey looked perplexed for about the tenth time that day, Donna thought.
Donna gulped air and pulled the crisp white hospital sheets closer to her chest which was clad in a blue hospital gown. It was a defensive mechanism for whatever was to come...
Donna was used to being confident and in control, or at least playing the part of being in control ... but now ... now she felt the most vulnerable she had ever felt and it scared her more than anything else she had ever faced before.
"As I said Donna, we'll have a little chat and see how things are going, then I'm going to run a few routine tests, nothing to worry about."
Donna thought this lady doctor wasn't as good at acting like everything was fine as Nurse Jean had been.
"So is this...is this the kind of chat... where I'm told I have six months to live!" Well come on then, red head to red head, give it to me straight, how long do I have?"
Harvey gasped, not knowing where to look, was Donna using humor or was she being serious? Perhaps her way of coping he thought suddenly!
He decided to take her hand in his.
Now it must be bad she thought, Harvey Specter holding her hand more than once in a day! She must be dying !
Harvey tried to reassure her "Nothing like that Donna, I promise, you, are going to be fine.. hear me... everything is going to be fine."
The doctor interrupted "Donna .. I can see you are somewhat distressed, so shall I cut to the chase, so to speak?"
The good doctor looked to Harvey, who nodded ... why was the doctor seeking his permission ... things just did not add up, Donna thought.
The doctor continued "I believe your ...your ... accident may have resulted in some memory loss"
Donna felt relieved ... she wasn't dying .. so it wasn't a brain tumor after all.
"Donna can you tell me what month it is?"
Easy one Donna thought and gave a little laugh.
"October, come on that's too easy. My favorite time of the year, Halloween."
"And the year?"
"2015 of course!" Donna smiled but suddenly noticed Harvey wince and open his mouth in what was that expression ... shock!, disbelief!?
Donna started to get agitated ... "What is this ... an interrogation?"
"Donna we are just trying to help you ... help you to remember" replied Dr. Cassidy.
"Donna ... who is this man beside me?"
"Come on ...What am I... two?" Donna gasped in frustration ... "Harvey of course!" or are you going to tell me I have that wrong too?" she smirked at Harvey.
"And what or who is Harvey to you?"
"He's my boss ... ... OK, OK I suppose you're a good friend too."
Donna noticed Harvey looked so uneasy at her response. Maybe I should have said best friend, she thought, man he looked disappointed !
"OK" ... Donna added smirking ... if you're gonna get that upset Mister ... "He's also one of my closest friends."
Harvey smiled ... but Donna couldn't help noticing the pain in his expression.
The doctor was writing frantically in the medical chart, Donna noted.
"OK, something is wrong ... I demand to know ... don't patients have rights, I know for a fact that they do?"
"Look I know I have been out for what... two weeks? So I may have gotten the date slightly off, Oh no, did I miss Halloween?"
Harvey smiled weakly at Donna, if she only knew she had missed/forgotten five of them, he thought!
The doctor spoke gently "Donna, what would you say if I said it wasn't October 2015 but December 15th 2020"
Donna laughed expecting Harvey to follow suit ... but he looked deadly serious.
Donna, you appear to have some memory loss of perhaps up to 5 years ..."
"What?... no... it can't be ... I'd know ... I would ... Harvey tell her please... come on... what kind of sick game is this?"
"Look ... Harvey said to the doctor ... can we have some time ... some space please?" I need time alone with my wif ...Donna I mean!" he recovered quickly.
"Sure" ... the doctor got up to leave with her medical bag in one hand and placed the medical chart back at the end of the bed "I'll go arrange those tests".
When the doctor left, Harvey sat up beside Donna on her bed ... and went to hold her hand ... suddenly Donna jerked it away ... "next thing you're going to tell me you are in on this sick game too, and what is with you holding my hand all of a sudden ... we don't touch for ten years and now ... now its like ...What is happening Harvey?" "And since when don't you shave every day?!" Donna noted again his unusually disheveled appearance.
"Donna look at me please" .. Harvey put his hand to Donna's cheek and a tear dropped down...
"You know I couldn't lie to you if I tried .I'm not going to start now".
"You mean ... you expect me to believe what she said ... no ...I'd remember ... wouldn't I ?"
Donna quipped "So what ... you expect me to believe that I wake up after an accident of some kind and you're telling me my life has turned into an episode of 'Days of Our Lives'?."
"Hey!". Harvey retorted "Well that is a great show, you know Louis has set it to record every day."
"Trust us ... humor in adversity!" Donna gasped.
Donna took Harvey's hand suddenly. She was scared...
"If ... If this is true... If what she was saying is true... then I've missed out on 5 years of my life Harvey!..."
"Donna it wasn't a coma ... you were very much here."
"How do you know? How can you be so sure?" You mean we still work together?"
"I know you haven't missed a thing. Because I was there with you ... ALL the way."
Harvey's last comment made Donna shiver right to her core. She had lost five years of memories and he could still make her feel like that!
"You could say we're equal partners now", Harvey quipped
Donna felt the cold metal once again against her hand. She stared down at Harvey's finger.
She felt the ring ..."Harvey ... is this"? I hope ... I hope you are happy? ... I always wanted you to be happy" Donna had tears in her eyes.
Harvey couldn't take it any longer ... he had to let her know.
"WE ... ARE happy Donna, we've been very happy ... for almost five years now".
With that Harvey reached into his pocket and took out a diamond encrusted platinum wedding band ... What he did then made Donna start to hyperventilate ... Harvey took Donna's ring finger and placed the ring upon it. It was a perfect fit!
Donna looked at Harvey terrified ...
"What ... What are you doing? ... I don't understand ..." she gasped!
"No... surely, surely you can't mean ... no way ... us? ... we ?...when?" Donna gasped waving her hand in the space between them.
"Come on Donna ... you always knew we would end up together."
Donna retorted "Now I am dreaming ... an alternate surreal universe!"
"You even told me once that you knew we would end up together" Harvey looked at her lovingly.
"We're ... married ...?!No joke ... You are serious?"
"Almost five years!"
"You're totally serious aren't you, oh my God ... I am going mad after all!"
"Next you are going to tell me what ... that we have our very own Brady Bunch?!"
"Actually when we are on that subject ... I do have something else to show you, although ... maybe its too much right now ...but ... OK here goes ... we've a little somebody who has been missing you like crazy!" He smiled reaching for his trouser pocket.
"What? What do you mean Harvey?" Donna felt she could not take any more surprises ... married to Harvey... this had to be a dream!
With that Harvey pulled a wallet out of his trousers ... he then took a picture from the wallet and handed it to Donna. Donna could not believe what she was seeing... It was a picture of a little girl beaming with a wide almost familiar smile, hugging a baby and kissing the top of it's head.
"This ... this ... is the little girl, that came into my room... what is this? Are these Mike and Rachel's kids?" She suddenly tried to put the jigsaw puzzle together in her head.
Harvey shook his head ... he had hoped for some recognition from Donna of their children .
"No ... actually this is Lily Specter and her baby brother James, their wonderful Mom took this photo last month" Harvey said proudly.
"Wait ... What are you saying Harvey? ... I... We ... have ... kids?"
"Two .. to be exact. We ... had a lot of lost time to catch up on" Harvey jibed!
Donna didn't know whether to laugh, cry or both...How could this be happening?
Donna continued to stare at the photo, although her memory was alluding her, the more she stared at the beautiful little girl and baby boy, the more she felt a connection, some kind of strange deja vu, Donna then held the photo to her chest and put her hand to her mouth and started to cry in disbelief. How could this be happening!
Harvey felt an urgent need to comfort his wife, but things were different now between them, she may have lost the more recent memories of them as lovers but surely the memories of them as confidantes, friends, close colleagues would sanction what he felt the need to do. Instinctively Harvey wrapped his arms around Donna, and kissed the top of her head.
Almost on cue the door opened, ruining their moment; a hospital porter had burst through.
"Right Mrs. Specter, I'm here to take you down to the Imaging Department for your MRI scan."
Cannot wait to share chapter three, arriving shortly! Thank you so much for all the reviews so far , Mary xxx