Memories Lost

Steps to recovery

Chapter 4

It had been almost two hours since Donna had been taken down to the Imaging Department for the latest MRI scans. Harvey was beginning to worry, although he trusted Jean who had accompanied her there, he still couldn't help being afraid ... but mostly he knew he was afraid of the test results!

While waiting, Harvey had time to think, alone with his thoughts ...too much time ... he had felt the panic start to build once again.

Then his phone had buzzed ... a message from Mike ... 'Harvey, Everything is fine here. The kids are asleep thanks to Rachel and your Mom. I updated your Mom with the latest news, she sends her love and wants me to tell you not to lose hope, she has a feeling that everything will work out just fine; And for the record Rach and I also share her views. Chat later! Mike

Harvey smiled at the mention of his Mom ... he had been so stubborn and lost so much valuable time that they could have shared together. Donna had helped Harvey to reconnect with Lily and once his children had been born he had felt even more ridiculous at the way he had treated his mother over the years. Becoming a father had changed him in ways he had never thought possible. Before Donna became pregnant with Lily he had not considered nor entertained the notion of having children; but the happiness he and Donna had shared had changed his views on life and what was really important ... family!

With that thought in mind he smiled as he began to scroll through images of their family on his phone. Happy times, everyday life, birthdays, Christmas and of course Halloween, Donna's favorite !

After a few minutes, Harvey noted the time on his phone, it was almost 11 pm; he was looking at a beautiful photo of Donna holding baby James after he was born; then the door opened ...

"Now ... we're back ... finally! apologies for the delay ... there were some more urgent patients that had to take priority," Jean explained while she opened the door for the porter to push Donna through in the wheelchair. Harvey put his phone on Donna's bedside table and stood up.

Harvey thought Donna looked tired upon her return ...

She gave him a smile but nothing could hide her tiredness.

"Hey", she whispered weakly.

"Hey," Harvey smiled back, so happy to see her return.

"So the testing went very well ... Dr. Cassidy and Professor Li will be here in the morning to go through the results ... I can't go into detail ... but ... I can say they found nothing that required urgent medical attention. And unofficially, from my experience ... that's a very good sign folks! "

Harvey beamed a wide smile in Donna's direction and let out a breath, he felt so relieved! Perhaps in time he thought, with further recovery, her memory should return.

She smiled back, also looking relieved, but utterly exhausted at the same time.

Jean also aware of Donna's tiredness added," We'll just get Donna set up, back in bed for the night ... should only take twenty minutes or so ..."

Harvey nodded, noting that was his cue to leave ... he nodded at Donna smiling, adding that he was going to wait outside while Jean and the porter got Donna ready for bed for the night.

After twenty minutes or so ...Jean was leaving Donna's room and she spoke with Harvey, "we are bringing down a counselor and a cognitive and occupational therapist to see Donna in the morning; the medical team feel it is a very important step to help with her recovery. As you are her next of kin, we just wanted to check with you Harvey?.."

Harvey nodded his approval of the plan ,"Sure thing, anything that you feel will help Donna, lets do it! I want the works, money isn't an issue! Whatever it takes!"

Jean continued ," Also you know .. we mentioned before, the police are going to want to get a statement from Donna, now that she's awake!"

Harvey nodded, he knew this would be an issue, after all he was a lawyer, and knew that the police would want a statement from Donna following her attack. At least Gallo was dead ... at least that ... that was some consolation. He couldn't hurt her any more ... it was over ... now it was just a matter of recovery, he hoped!

"We've told them about her memory loss, tried to hold them off for a little bit longer ... but they are going to want to speak to her as soon as possible."

"I know, thanks Jean, thanks for everything you have done for Donna, I really appreciate it!"

"Not a problem Harvey, that's what we are here for... Right so ... see you in the morning Harvey!"

"Thanks Jean, Goodnight."

"Night Harvey", and with that she was gone for the night.

...

As Harvey went to re-enter Donna's room, he held the door open for the porter leaving with the wheelchair.

"Hey there," Donna beamed as she saw Harvey return.

"Hey yourself " ... "How you feeling? Harvey looked concerned she thought and exhausted!

"Tired ... but then again ... I feel like I've lived five years in one day ... so... it's probably going to tire anybody out ... right?!"

"I know ... actually no ... I have no idea Donna ... I think you are amazing! ... it is so much to take in! ... and I just want you to know ... I realize it must be strange for you ... overwhelming ... even just hearing about us! ... but we'll take it at your pace ... OK, no pressure?"

Donna smiled laughing a little, "Harvey Specter ... you've become soft in your old age! ..."

"Just a bit, and less of the old please, I've still got it you know!" Harvey smiled in return "promise you won't tell anyone Donna,I've a reputation to uphold, best closer in New York, remember"

Donna rolled her eyes at Harvey and laughed, it almost felt like old times with them, she missed that ...

"Happy to see I can still make you laugh!" Harvey then pulled a seat over towards Donna's bed and sat down.

Suddenly Donna heard a phone buzz ... she looked over at her bedside table.

"Wanna get that? It's OK, go on, it might be important".

With Donna's go ahead, Harvey grabbed his phone from the bedside table ...It was from Mike ... he looked at the message on his phone and Donna could see him smile ...

"What, what is it? Everything alright...?"

Harvey didn't know whether to tell Donna about the message he had just received from Mike. But he knew he didn't lie to her and he wasn't going to start now.

"It's ... It's ...Mike ... he is after sending me pictures," Harvey admitted.

"Pictures of what?," Now Donna was curious.

"Of our ... of ... the kids ... sleeping!." Harvey felt strange, almost tip-toeing around such a normal everyday thing.

"Oh, " "Donna gasped, may I see?"

Surreal and unnerving, Harvey figured, Donna feeling she had to seek permission from him to see their children.

"Of course" Harvey responded immediately to Donna's request.

He handed over the phone to her.

There in Donna's hands on Harvey's phone was a montáge ... two pictures ... Lily and baby James sleeping .. they looked heavenly. It brought tears to Donna's eyes. Her heart leapt; strange feelings swept through her, she felt so connected ... in a way she had never thought possible ...

"They look so precious!"

"They ARE precious!", Harvey choked back tears, seeing Donna obviously so affected by seeing their children. It gave him hope!

"They ... they ... love you so much Donna ... Lily has been asking ... when you are coming home every day ...!

"Home ... funny that ... I don't even know where that is anymore!" Donna admitted sadly.

This admission almost broke Harvey's heart.

"Donna ... Look ... here is a picture ... Harvey quickly scrolled through his phone images, to a picture of their family home.

"See here it is ... you even picked it out ...!" He said proudly, remembering the day four years ago when he, Donna and Lily had first moved in.

Donna looked at the gorgeous brownstone house, Harvey claimed was their family home, wow!, She had always thought they were perfect to raise a family in.

"Harvey, it is so beautiful ... so wait! you are telling me that Harvey Specter finally gave up his condo?!" Donna quipped somewhat lightening the mood.

"Well when Lily arrived ... we just couldn't move in my condo, what with all the baby things you had bought and all ... the decision was made for me" Harvey smiled.

Donna went quiet suddenly, she loved to hear about their history together ... but at the same time it saddened her so much that these memories were lost to her now ... she prayed she would recover them ...!

"Harvey, I've been wondering ... How did we? ... how did we you know ?... finally... ?"

Harvey smiled, "You mean, when did I finally stop running scared from how I really felt about you?"

Donna smiled, so she had been right all along ... he had just been scared to admit how he had felt!

"Jessica left to move to Chicago with Jeff ... remember him?"

Donna nodded smiling... she was happy Jessica had found somebody and had followed her heart.

"The night she left ... I was lost ... you came into my office ... saw me staring out the office window ... you asked if I wanted to be alone ...and in that moment Donna... I knew ... I knew I was tired of running scared ... of running away from us ... then you held my hand."

Harvey smiled at this point in the story and looked lovingly at Donna... "I knew I didn't want to be alone without you ever again Donna!"

Donna smiled ,"And you didn't run for the hills when we touched, I'm impressed!"

"No I wanted to ... but I dunno ... call it fate ... call it timing ... that night ... it just felt right Donna ... It was time!"

"And after that?!" Donna smirked raising an eyebrow/?" She felt bold asking!

"Lets just say you had breakfast at my place the next morning!" Harvey smiled coyly at Donna... "After that, it was a whirlwind ... I suppose we had known each other so long, we figured there was no need to wait any longer ... it was meant to be ... it just all felt so natural between us..!"

"Thanks Harvey, I really needed to hear that ... you know ... it's been ... I mean it is so scary to wake up and not remember ... I just need to feel connected ... something tangible ... something to slot the jigsaw pieces together in my mind ... there is also something else I need?"

"Anything Donna ... I'd do anything for you!" Harvey looked lovingly at her, and she knew he would, in that moment she knew ...

"I want to meet them ... I mean ... I want to see them .. Harvey !, The kids!"

"Are you sure you're ready for that?! ," Harvey worried that it would be too much too soon for Donna.

"You said anything ... right?!" Donna almost felt hurt, did he not trust her?

"Of course Donna, if you feel ready, then I'm with you 100 %!"

"I'm not sure I'm ready Harvey... but ...it's not about me... its about them ... well especially Lily ... she must be wondering ... it's not good for her ... I'll even pretend for her that nothing has changed ... that I remember ...?"

Harvey smiled ,"You really are something else Donna, always thinking of others ... even now... "

Harvey was mesmerized by the empathy of the woman he had married, even now, even when she should be focusing on herself ... she was thinking of the needs of others.

"No Harvey ... I just feel ... its the right thing to do for them ... plus who knows ... seeing them ... well ... it may jog my memory, its worth a try."

"OK, ... you're right, as always !... I'll have Rachel and Mike bring them around tomorrow".

Suddenly Donna saw Harvey stifle a yawn.

"Where ... have you been sleeping, Harvey?"

"It depends, ... here ... mostly ... on that armchair over there ...and I've been keeping a room at The Four Seasons around the corner from here ..."

"Well, Harvey Specter ... you are going to that very hotel room tonight!"

Harvey was about to protest, but he knew Donna would get her way, she always did.

"You know I won't take no for an answer Harvey .. after all ... you won't be much use to me now, will you, if you drop from exhaustion ?"

Harvey could see Donna was right ... as always she was right.

Reluctantly he agreed "OK, but I'm just around the corner ... I can be back in 5 minutes if you need anything ... oh ... and your phone is right here!" Harvey said, as he opened the bedside table drawer and handed Donna her cell phone.

Donna took the phone, noting how much slimmer it looked than the cell phone she remembered, she swiped at the screen and noted she had a family photo as her screen saver.

"When was that taken?"

"Lily's birthday, last month," Harvey replied, while looking longingly at the beautiful family picture taken in happier times.

They looked so happy, Donna thought, staring at the image in front of her... feeling a strange connection to the figures in the photo, but also at the same time, feeling like they were somebody else's family.

In the photo, Donna and Harvey were sitting down, Donna was wearing a beautiful blue and red wrap dress, her strawberry blond hair was piled up high on her head; baby James sat on her lap smiling; he appeared to have sandy colored hair and was dressed in a beautiful blue and white striped outfit, something from Baby GAP she figured. Harvey was beaming in white trousers and a navy shirt and holding Lily, dressed in a pretty red dress; she had her hands out to the camera excitedly... she obviously knew whoever was taking the picture! Donna thought smiling at the happy family shot ... she just wished she could remember!

Staring further at the picture, Donna noted a huge resemblance ,"Lily looks like you Harvey, a little clone!, I can totally see it now!"; Donna beamed proudly.

"And people say James is like your side of the family, a true Paulsen!" Harvey added.

"Well that must make my Dad super happy then!".

"My Mom took the picture ... she's going to paint a portrait of it for us."

"Oh Harvey, that would be lovely." I'm so happy you two reconnected!"

"So am I Donna, so am I; I wasted too much time," Harvey replied with noticeable regret in his voice.

"OK so, I'd better head ... you need to get some rest, and I'll see you in the morning", Harvey leaned over kissing Donna gently on her cheek.

Donna blushed, damn you Harvey Specter, she thought, how he affected her whenever they touched! It would take some getting used to! Although, the idea of getting closer to Harvey was becoming more and more appealing to her with every moment they spent together.

"OK Harvey. Thanks! See you in the morning!" She smiled shyly at his retreating form.

Harvey waved to her and smiled as he opened the door and left for the night.

Now alone with her thoughts she considered, how things had changed so much between them and yet he was still her Harvey! That fact made her smile!

Lying back exhausted into her pillows; Donna knew that tomorrow would be another huge day; when she would be taking important steps on her road to recovery and reconnecting with her family. She prayed that she would be able to retrieve those precious family memories upon seeing her children !

Thank you so much for reading, reviewing etc.

Chapter 5 should be up very soon! Love, Mary xxx