Memories Lost
Chapter 7
'The Album'
Since waking up in the hospital, Donna had worked tirelessly at her recovery; the doctors were now allowing her to go home. Although her memory had still not returned, they felt, that in her case, with a young family at home, it would be best to immerse herself back into her life in the hope that it would aid the return of her memory.
Once the hospital were assured she had a support system in place they were happy to discharge her. She would have to return for ongoing therapy appointments, but today was the day she was finally returning to her home. It was Christmas Eve, her wish of returning home in time for Christmas was coming true.
Last week, the police had called by to see her. They took a statement from her regarding anything she could remember from the night of her attack. They appeared to have been satisfied and said if she remembered anything else to contact them immediately.
She had persevered at her recovery for her children and Harvey. She had continued to have nightmares, memories and flashbacks. Some nights Donna didn't want to wake up. In her dreams she remembered random memories of her children. She had moments, pieces of a jigsaw puzzle where she had images, memories in her mind, random images without a cohesive glue to put them all together.
Her children had been brought to visit her in the hospital every other day. When they would leave she would long for their next visit. During their visits Harvey and her took turns cradling James and talking and playing with Lily. It still amazed her seeing Harvey in his 'Dad role'. Donna knew Harvey would never admit it to her, but being away from their family home and their children was killing him.
After one of Lily's visits, she had a vivid dream of a birthday party for Lily. When she had asked Harvey, he confirmed the details, it had been a memory of Lily's 3rd birthday; the relief she had felt was immense. Although the doctors warned her that even if some memories returned she may never fully recover from the retrograde amnesia. Donna was determined to prove them wrong. She refused to be left in this life with this huge gap of precious memories.
Last night she had another dream, she was looking at herself in a mirror in a wedding dress, as Harvey kissed her neck from behind and began to unzip the back of her dress, she had then woken up, was this a memory?, a dream? or a fantasy? In the dream it was so real, she could feel his fingers deftly undo the back of her wedding dress. And feel each kiss ...
...
"Ready?" Harvey asked, as he smiled from the doorway "time to go, Ray is downstairs if you're ready!"
Donna returned the smile, hoping he didn't see how nervous she felt.
Today is huge ... today she goes home ... for the first time ... but also technically for the umpteenth time ... which is it? she thought.
"Sure ... I'm ready." She beamed in the hope he wouldn't see her fear.
She loved Harvey so much, these past few weeks they had shared an intimacy she had only dreamed of before. But how would it be between them now. She wanted him, and now they would be sharing a bed she guessed. Although they had had very little time to discuss private matters in the hospital, they hadn't discussed what the sleeping arrangements would be at home. She assumed they would share their bed. The thoughts sent ripples of desire coursing through her, but also fear of the unknown. She knew he would not pressure her in any way. But she saw their beautiful life together and she just hoped and prayed to remember.
She didn't want to feel like an imposter in her own life. If she was totally honest that was how she felt, an imposter in some other woman's life. Part of her felt that she wasn't really Harvey's Donna anymore, she was the Donna he had worked with for 12 years, not the Donna he had married and had a family with. She desperately wanted to remember everything!
For today's homecoming she has chosen to dress comfortably; Rachel was good enough for this trip home to fetch clothes for her. A soft blue jeans and cream Aran wool sweater and a pair of converse sneakers. Nobody had said it but Donna sensed there would be a gathering to mark her homecoming. At least she hadn't lost her sixth sense, she thought.
Harvey entering the room had brought her out of her thoughts.
"Donna ... you look beautiful!"
Harvey's comments took Donna by surprise, remembering all the times she had wanted to hear him say that.
Seeing her reaction Harvey commented "What? Can't a man compliment his wife?" he laughed softly.
"It's nothing ... it's just ... all those years working together ... you never said it once to me ... I heard you say it to Jessica and almost every other female work colleague, but never me" I'm just being silly, don't mind me."
Harvey looked like he was deep in thought, cursing himself at his former self's shameful behavior and treatment of Donna.
Approaching Donna he smiled apologetically, then taking her hand in his he guided her to sit on the bed.
Still holding her hand in his he looked intently into her eyes, then using his other hand pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.
"Do you know why I never complimented you Donna?" he quizzed.
Donna smiled shyly now at Harvey and shook her head, somewhat embarrassed she had even brought this up.
"It's not ... it's not that I didn't want to, believe me, God everyday!, Of course I noticed you, it unnerved me, the feelings I had for you. I would push them aside, and not acknowledging you ... in ... that way ... helped me cope I guess. There was a line ... a line I couldn't let myself cross."
"I knew I couldn't have you, if I went there with you ... I... I wouldn't have been able to control myself."
"And some of those outfits you wore Donna, COME ON! ... I don't know how I survived, I think you were trying to kill me."
They both laughed then in unison; Donna cried happy tears as Harvey cupped her face with both hands and kissed her passionately.
Then he put his arm around her, she leaned into his side and he kissed the side of her head.
"Right, homeward bound my beautiful wife?"
Donna smiled and nodded in agreement as she threw on a heavy winter coat, it had started to snow outside. The perfect Christmas Eve she thought!
Harvey grabbed Donna's hand, picked up her bag from the bed with the other hand and led her towards the door to exit.
Donna knew it was time to leave, time to go home, home to her new reality. She felt ready but somewhat apprehensive.
Walking outside of the sanctuary of her hospital room Donna felt vulnerable, back to the outside world ... a world that had moved on without her.
Harvey noticed the fear in Donna, he expected this apprehension, the doctors had even warned him, he squeezed her hand in support.
...
Harvey was delighted that Donna was coming home finally, they had been almost a month in this hospital room. He still worried that going home could overwhelm her. But he knew she was right, for the sake of their children it was important to return to normal as soon as possible.
At least they had lots of support. June their nanny was living with them for the last 4 years. Although she was now at home with her own family for Christmas in Boston. If they needed extra support, money would be no object. Anything it took for Donna to recover, Harvey would make sure it happened.
His mom had practically moved in, her husband Bobby visited from Boston when he could, she had even contemplated that they move up permanently to help out.
Rachel and Mike were still staying, although Harvey knew, the younger couple would want to move on with their life very soon, they had just returned from Chicago. Mike and Rachel were now back to working in PSL. Harvey had worked from the hospital, the hotel and home. Still preferring not to face going into their building where the attack had happened. He knew it was a fear he would have to face soon.
...
Arriving at the car, Ray greeted Donna with a huge welcoming hug, then placed her bag into the car for her.
Once in the back of Ray's black Lexus, Harvey and Donna sat beside each other, fingers touching lightly, Donna watched as the car sped by, looking out the window at the outside world, people walking by, not a care in the world she thought ... It was snowing lightly as the people rushed about no doubt doing their last minute Christmas shopping.
Harvey could sense Donna was deeply lost in thought and placed his hand on top of hers, giving it a light squeeze, she glanced in his direction and smiled trying to reassure him that she was fine.
Then suddenly she was alarmed "Harvey, the children, their Christmas presents ... I didn't think to ..."
"Its OK, all taken care of, Mom and Rachel" his smiled calmly.
Donna felt relieved and thanked God they had such wonderfully supportive family and friends.
She settled in for the rest of the journey home, still hand in hand with Harvey.
...
Ray pulled the Lexus onto an avenue of large brownstone houses. All the homes had beautiful Christmas decorations. What a lovely quiet neighborhood, Donna thought. Perfect to rear their family.
Donna had to admit the avenue had a familiarity to it, but she didn't want to get her hopes up or Harvey's just yet. She had grown up in a similar neighborhood as a child before they had lost their money. So, she wasn't sure if the memories were old or new ones.
Suddenly the car pulled up to a large brownstone house, the one from the picture on Harvey's phone, their home! Donna took in the view in amazement!
"It's beautiful Harvey" she exclaimed.
Before her stood the house from Harvey's picture, a beautiful 3 story brownstone with bay windows, on a tree lined street. It was perfect. Immediately she could feel why she had chosen this house.
"It is beautiful, like the woman who chose it!" Harvey exclaimed proudly.
"There are just a few of our close family and friends here, waiting to welcome you home, I didn't think you'd mind."
Donna smiled "Of course I don't mind Harvey, It will be great to see everybody!" So her sixth sense had been accurate after all there was a homecoming party.
"Mike has obviously been busy" Harvey noted the beautiful Christmas lights had been put up on the house and on the trees in the front.
When the car stopped Harvey got out and walked around wanting to be the one opening the door for Donna.
The minute the car had pulled into the driveway and came to a stop, the welcome home party was outside in force in the driveway. Rachel with Lily and Mike alongside. Donna's parents, Louis and Jessica. Marcus, Katie and their children had also arrived.
Donna noted that Lily senior was holding James.
Just then little Lily ran towards Donna "Mommy!"
Wrapping her arms around Donna's legs. Donna bent down immediately to Lily's eye level. "Oh Lily, you're the best little girl ... thank you so much." She wrapped Lily into a bear hug. Donna could feel her eyes well up with tears. She had made it home to her little girl!
Harvey leaned in to greet and kiss baby James and his mom.
"Looks like you were busy decorating Mike" Harvey exclaimed to his younger friend.
"What? It's totally for the kids!" Mike was playfully defensive.
"Yeah, yeah, sure whatever you say Mike, " Harvey jibed.
Donna loved seeing Harvey and Mike's banter, it was like old times.
As the crowd entered the house Harvey asked Donna quietly "Any of it familiar yet ?"
Donna shook her head in frustration ..." Maybe ...I don't know ... feels like deja vu ... not sure yet" she admitted.
He clasped her hand and smiled to show his support.
Harvey felt that having all their close family and friends there would ease the pressure for Donna for her homecoming.
Upon entering the house, there was a 'Welcome Home Mommy/ Donna' banner, which Harvey's mom had helped Lily to create.
It tugged at Donna's heartstrings.
"Mom's creation with Lily!" Harvey said proudly.
Lily senior cut in "I only helped a little , it was all little Lily's hard work, she has real talent you know!" Lily senior proudly put her arms around her granddaughter for a hug. Donna was so happy to see the obvious bond between them.
...
Donna marveled that this had been the place she had called home for the past four years. It was so bright, spacious and homely. Harvey and her had obviously changed it to make it a more modern family home on the inside. While the outside remained an authentic brownstone.
Taking it all in, Donna knew in that instant she didn't miss her old apartment for a second. She thought momentarily of her cozy little apartment and the lonely years she had spent there. Now her only hope was that she didn't wake up and find that all of this had been a dream. This was the future she could only have dreamed of five years ago. And now by some miracle it was her reality!
Donna had little time to worry about what she could remember. Her friends and family kept her busy. She could see a huge buffet had been set up in the far corner of the open plan living space. The home was beautifully decorated in bright neutral colors, reminding her of the childhood home her family had lost. There was a beautifully decorated Christmas tree in the bay window in the living room with wrapped presents underneath.
"So this is where we have spent the last few years." Donna commented to Harvey who was standing protectively beside her.
"Very happy years ... " he grasped her hand and smiled intently into Donna's eyes. "you know I didn't realize what I was missing in my life until we got together".
"I'm glad you finally saw the light Harvey. " Donna quipped.
Suddenly caught in the moment Harvey leaned in to Donna and placed the sweetest kiss on her lips. Donna gasped! She felt desire like electricity coursing through her body.
Little Lily interrupted suddenly, tugging at Donna's hand "Look Mommy, look what we did for you " exclaimed an excited Lily.
"Wow, someone has been busy" Donna exclaimed brightly!
Donna now stood holding little Lily's hand looking in amazement at the sight before her. Her friends and family had been busy.
"What this?, just a few things myself and Rachel rustled up this morning, OK there may have been some caterer involvement " Lily smiled at her daughter-in-law, happy to see she was enjoying her return home.
Donna chatted with her guests as they all had something to eat and drink.
Marcus and Katie had put on some Christmas movies for the kids in the Family TV room.
Donna had always dreamed of a Christmas Eve like this, with family and friends enjoying the festivities together.
...
After eating Jessica had some time alone with Donna, she apologized for not being able to see her sooner since she had urgent legal business that had called her back to Chicago. Donna enjoyed hearing Jessica's stories of Chicago, of the merger and was delighted to hear that Jeff and Jessica had finally married last year.
While chatting with Jessica, Harvey interrupted making an announcement that he wanted to thank all of their friends and family for their support over the last month.
Then he added looking at Donna;
"Lily, James and I have an early Christmas gift for you."
Harvey went over to the Christmas tree and picked up a beautifully wrapped parcel with a red bow.
He walked back towards Donna who was by now sitting on the sofa, and handed her the parcel and placed a kiss on her cheek.
"Oh my, what could this be!" Donna teased excitedly.
She started untying the beautiful red ribbon. She was intrigued.
Finally opened, she gasped when she read 'Our Family Album' looking up at Harvey she smiled in appreciation.
"Oh ... thank you!" tears were starting to well in her eyes. It was such a thoughtful gift. The Harvey of five years ago gave Marni bags, but this gift, this gift meant so much more to Donna.
Harvey beamed "We thought it might help ... " Help you remember"
Only open it when you feel ready ... just ... wanted to help in some way, Harvey added thoughtfully raising his hands nonchalantly.
Donna was astounded by the sentiment.
"Harvey thank you so much! " she squeezed his hand and smiled in appreciation.
"I can't wait, I'm going to take a quick look now!"
Harvey, Lily Senior, Rachel and Mike, Louis and Jessica, and Donna's parents all sat around. Marcus, Katie and the children were still watching a movie in the TV room.
Rachel cut in "You know, Donna, if you want this to be a private moment, we can all ..."
Donna clasped Rachel's hands "Don't leave, we're all family here Rach" Donna smiled truthfully to her friend.
Donna then opened the album cautiously, her memories were about to be resurrected.
The first picture, her and Harvey's wedding, they looked so happy, hand in hand coming down the aisle. She wore a beautiful ivory lace halter neck gown, her hair was up with strands falling naturally down her face. It was the same dress from her dream the other night. That realization comforted her. The dream had been a memory of her wedding night. The image amazed her, she had never seen herself look so happy in a photograph. Finally her 'happy ever after' she thought to herself. This was something she used to secretly dream about.
"It was such a wonderful day Donna, I'd never seen you look so happy," Louis exclaimed.
Harvey glanced across at Donna "I felt like the luckiest man alive!"
The group chatted away telling stories of the wedding as Donna skimmed through the album pictures; determined to take a much closer look at them when she was alone.
Then Donna came across something which stopped her in her tracks immediately ...
A picture of herself pregnant, Donna was overcome with emotion, she raised her hand to touch the photo. She was cradling her bump, it amazed her, "wow!" she gasped, she looked very 'mother earth' in a floaty blue silk gown. She was beaming at the camera. Donna longed to remember that precious experience.
"I took that one, you're 7 months there with Lily, it was taken at Mike and Rachel's wedding, " Harvey smiled proudly.
Donna looked up at Harvey sadly "I just wish I could remember!"
Harvey could see she was now overcome with emotion.
"You will Donna, in time ... you will" he assured her.
Donna nodded in agreement, although internally she was not so certain.
"So Rach!, you guys ... finally took the plunge and I was the size of a house at your wedding, Cheers for the timing of that one!" Donna quipped. She had decided it was time to lighten the mood for her guests.
They all laughed! She loved spending time with her friends and family. She had missed this so much!
Donna decided to put the album aside for later, it was more of an emotional experience than she had realized.
The rest of the evening went by filled with laughter, chatting with her family and friends.
She had found time alone with Louis who told her that he had married Sheila, but that it had broken down recently. Hence his new diet plan and zen lifestyle. Poor Louis she thought, she wished her friend the happiness, which seemed to always allude him.
Then it had been time for Louis and Jessica to leave. Donna's parents also took their leave as they were staying in a nearby hotel.
...
After the guests had left, Harvey started to clear everything away with Mike.
"I'm just going upstairs with your Mom and Rachel, help them get the kids to bed", Donna said excitedly to Harvey.
"Enjoy, take your time! Mike and I are gonna take care of down here, take a rest too, it's been a long day on you " he suggested.
"We'll see, thanks Harvey " Donna smiled at Harvey as she left to go help out with the children's bedtime. Although she was back home she still needed the support system that was in place for the last month to teach her and remind her how to be a Mom.
...
As Donna scaled the stairs to help Lily and Rachel get her kids to bed. She smiled at the family pictures on the landing. They were a normal happy family. Her dreams had come true!
Then entering the nursery, she smiled at the light blue and white theme throughout.
Rachel had already put James's down. And was still seated reading a book in an armchair beside his cot.
"Rach, you're such a pro at this! Thank you so much for everything." She smiled warmly and appreciatively at her friend.
Donna then sat on the armrest of Rachel's chair and gave her a hug.
"Anytime Donna. It's been such a pleasure!"
Donna saw tears start to well in her friend's beautiful brown eyes.
Hugging her closer she asked "Oh Rach, what's wrong, tell me?"
Rachel began to sob and explained to Donna that she and Mike were having difficulties trying to have a family of their own. Donna comforted Rachel realizing how lucky she was to have Lily and James!
Donna then spent some time catching up with her friend on the lost memories of their times together.
...
Finally after catching up with Rachel, Donna called into Lily's bedroom, she could see her Donna touch there too in the decor, pretty pastel colors throughout, lemons, baby blues, pinks. Harvey's Mom was reading Lily a bedtime story 'The Night Before Christmas'.
"Want to take over" Lily had asked her daughter - in- law.
"If you don't mind, I'd love to" Donna smiled in appreciation.
Donna continued the story with her daughter as Lily senior said goodnight and went to bed. Donna had tears in her eyes as she read her daughter her own favorite Christmas story from her childhood.
Before she knew it, little Lily was asleep and an exhausted Donna lay down on a near by sofa bed for a brief nap.
She yawned ... raising a hand to her mouth ... wow this tiredness though ... what a day she thought ! Thinking to her old reality ... what a lonely existence she had had for years; she didn't even miss it, not for a second! Donna felt, she knew, that this was always meant to be, it had just been on hold for a very long time, but it had always been there, ready to reach for, when Harvey and her were ready to take a risk on their love for each other!
...
Donna had fallen asleep in Lily's room on the sofa bed. She woke up and gazed across at the beautiful figure of her sleeping daughter, she was still amazed that this was her life now. She smiled at the Minnie Mouse clock on the bedroom wall and saw that it was almost 10 pm. She wondered if Harvey was still awake, she decided to go find him.
After checking the master suite for Harvey, Donna descended down the stairs on her mission to find him.
Donna noted a light on in the kitchen to the rear of the house.
As she entered she spotted Harvey immediately; now they were on their own, finally, she thought.
Harvey saw her come in, "Hey, thought you were sleeping!"
Harvey was drying up the last pot, dish cloth still in hand.
"I was ... just woke up ... said I'd come see what you were up to?"
Donna smiled at Harvey as she shook her head in disbelief!
"What ... what's wrong ... ? " he asked intrigued.
"Nothing ... Just never saw you as the domestic type ... that's all ... it's all so surreal still!" Donna admitted.
"Surreal Good ... or surreal bad?" Harvey smiled raising an eyebrow as he stepped forward throwing the dish cloth on the breakfast counter as he stepped towards Donna.
"Surreal Good ... surreal very good "she admitted smiling brightly.
Harvey stood in front of Donna now, smiling sheepishly, he wrapped his arms around her waist, Donna smiled up at Harvey slowly raising her arms and placing them around his neck. Then Harvey kissed the top of her head "God ... I've missed this ...! "
"You know it just occurred to me that everybody else has gone to bed!" she grinned as she talked.
"Nah ... that didn't just occur to you ... " Harvey shook his head, a slight laugh, then gazed into Donna's eyes intently.
"No ... it didn't" Donna admitted, returning his gaze, her eyes darkening with desire.
"So ... I ... was thinking ... maybe ...you'd like to give me the grand tour of our master bedroom!"
Harvey looked at Donna slightly taken aback and bemused.
"Look Donna, I can take the spare room ... whatever you are comfortable with ... you've been through so much ... no need to rush anything ...!"
They hadn't discussed sleeping arrangements ... both of them knew it.
"Who said... we're gonna.. Rush...Anything!" She smirked coyly up at Harvey!
"Remember Harvey what the doctor said, immerse myself in my new reality. I want you to show me how we are now, please, help me remember us together...Take me to bed !..." she spoke boldly, desire now flooding through her.
"Donna ..." Harvey didn't want to rush anything. He loved her more than anything. It was more than enough just having her at home.
"We don't have to ..."
"But I want to ... I need this Harvey." She was adamant.
"Besides, you showed me my Christmas gift! ... Time to show you yours!" Donna quirked her eyebrow in invitation at Harvey and smirked!
"Alright then" he finally gave in ... " lead the way" giving Donna his best Specter smile!
With that Donna grabbed Harvey's hand and began to lead him upstairs.
"You are eager Mrs. Specter!" he quipped quietly, not wanting to awake the sleeping household to their antics.
...
So hope you enjoyed Chapter 7!
As always many thanks for reading, reviewing, following and making it a favorite story! Your support is very much appreciated!
Love Mary xxx