That night, I told everyone about making the deal with Negan so that he would only come every two weeks. Eric, Amy, and Vivienne were sitting with me in the teacher's lounge, and we were discussing our plans for keeping Negan happy from here on out. I recommended that we give Negan one of the cars and offer to trade siphoned gas and vegetables. Vivienne was still working on fixing her garden that had been destroyed by Adam's men, but she had already made significant progress.

Everyone seemed relieved that the Saviors were only going to be coming around every other week, and agreed that giving gas and vegetables was very doable. It was late, and Vivienne and Eric headed out of the room to get ready for bed. When Amy didn't stand up, I stayed sitting too. I knew this conversation was coming.

"Where did he take you?" she asked flat out.

"To a sporting goods store. It was like a hang out spot for him and his men. There were couches and he brought me a BLT, with real bacon. We played ping pong." I was leaning against the arm of the couch and looking out the window, recollecting what had happened a few hours before. "When we were playing, the ball rolled away and he said whoever found it would get a prize. I found it, and that's why we're only giving supplies every other week."

"He agreed to that?" Amy asked, shocked. I nodded. Amy let out a short laugh, and shook her head. "I really don't get that man."

The silence that followed was uncomfortable, and I realized I didn't know what to say to her. She had been so worried about me earlier, and I had left with Negan anyways. She had wanted to talk to me, so I remained seated in the teacher's lounge with her, even though I wanted to get up and leave.

"Are you okay?" Her voice was so soft as she spoke to me. "I know that's a stupid question…"

I looked down at my lap and tried to think of what I could tell her. Truth be told, I kept seeing Philip's lifeless eyes every time I closed my own. I hadn't slept well all week, and figured I would probably never have a good night's rest ever again. When it wasn't Philip's body haunting my thoughts, I saw Adam's mangled head in my mind's eye. I was far from okay, but I needed to be strong.

"I'm trying to be," I mumbled. It was as honest as I could be—with her, and with myself.

"I know you feel guilty…about what happened to Philip. And about what happened to Adam…" She trailed off, and I looked up at her and waited to see where this was possibly going. Of course I felt guilty for Adam; I was the one who beat his head to a bloody pulp. Amy continued while looking straight at me. "But you shouldn't feel bad about killing Adam. He deserved it. I'm glad that he's dead."

Truth be told, I was glad too. I just wished it had been different.

"I wish I hadn't done it," I whispered, looking down again and away from her.

"I don't blame you." Amy reached over and placed a hand on my shoulder. "But you did what you had to do." She squeezed my shoulder. "And I know you probably don't want to talk about it, but I have to ask…what happened at the Sanctuary, Elle?"

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. I hadn't been thinking about that in the last week, but those memories still haunted me too. I hadn't been planning on telling my friends about almost getting raped. Adam had brought up that I had killed his friend A.J., and now Amy wanted answers. She deserved the truth, and not the crap I had spun and told Philip.

"When Negan brought me back to the Sanctuary, he wanted me to stay there with him. They gave me a bedroom, and there was this really nice woman who showed me around named Naomi." I was giving Amy unnecessary details because I was prolonging having to talk about the attack. "This creepy guy came around when we were eating dinner, and he forced his way into my bedroom after. He tried to…to rape me." I stumbled on my words, but took a deep breath and continued. "I stabbed him in the neck, and he bled out. Naomi found me hours later and got Negan. He cleaned me up and had me sleep in his room to make sure I was okay. He didn't even sleep in the bed with me." I wasn't sure why I felt the need to add that last detail. Amy knew I wasn't sleeping with him, but I still felt the need to clarify.

Amy was staring at me with a horrified expression.

"Elle… I didn't know…" Her mouth was agape and her eyes were watering. I nodded and chuckled a little.

"I didn't want you to know."

Amy frowned at me.

"I'm your friend. I'm always going to be here for you whenever you need someone to talk to." She was fighting back tears, and I wasn't entirely sure why. Maybe it was because she thought I didn't trust her with this information before, or maybe she was feeling sympathetic about what happened to me. Either way, it made me wish I had just been honest with her from the start.

"I know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't want to put that kind of stress on you, especially right now." I gestured down at her baby bump.

"I'm a strong lady. I can take it. You don't need to go through this kind of thing alone, Elle."

I had been going through a lot of things alone. I had bottled up what happened at the Sanctuary, and now I was trying to do the same with Adam and Philip. I looked over to the empty couch where he used to sit and felt tears start to build in my eyes.

"I miss Phil," I murmured, sniffling. I would have given anything for him to just appear in the room right then and there. Amy nodded, and put her arm around my neck. I leaned into her and she leaned her head against me too, in a half hug as we sat. We both continued to sniffle and fight our tears.

After a few more silent moments, Amy chuckled softly.

"Do you think Negan has any pop-tarts at the Sanctuary?" she inquired. I sat up and looked at her with a laugh.

"Have you been craving them?"

Amy nodded and looked down at her stomach.

"Yeah… this little bastard's got one hell of a sweet tooth."

We laughed and I smiled down at her extended stomach. It wouldn't be long until we met the little sugar addict. I looked back up at Amy's smiling face and something dawned on me in that moment: I hadn't understood why I had killed Adam, but I was starting to.

I would do anything if it meant protecting the people I loved.

Negan showed up two weeks later, and I was shocked he actually respected our agreement. I had really expected to see him after only a week, but it was fourteen days later when his men pulled their trucks into Doveport. I noted that he was bringing less of them with him, and that only two trucks pulled through our gate. Negan stepped out of the passenger side of one, and I approached him.

"Hello, Elle," he greeted me with a smirk. "Did ya miss me?"

I rolled my eyes at him, but gave him a smile.

"You actually waited two weeks," I replied. "Your stuff is against the wall." I gestured at the multiple gas canisters that were lined up against the stone. We had been very successful over the last couple days, and Eric had taught me how to siphon gas. We managed to collect quite a bit, and I had actually been excited for Negan to come take it. However, he didn't look over at the gas canisters, and instead, he was completely focused on me.

"We don't have to do this two weeks shit. In fact, I think we should go back to weekly visits." He was trying to convince me and doing a terrible job of it. "Or better yet, you come back to Sanctuary with me."

I shook my head and started walking over to the gas cans, trying to distract him with them.

"We did a lot better with two weeks to work. There's enough gas here to fill all your trucks."

Negan walked over to the wall where the gas canisters were lined up. He looked down at them, and I watched his face for any hint of a reaction. I was relieved when I saw him nod, impressed.

"This will be just fine, Elle," he said, turning to look at me. His men came over and started carrying the gas cans over to their trucks. I dug my hand into the pocket of my jeans and pulled out a little key ring with a single key on it.

"You can take the car too," I informed him, holding the key out towards him. He took it into his hand, and then looked over at the car that was parked off to the side.

"Are you sure?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Shit doll, you're going above and beyond right now."

I nodded and glanced over to where Amy and Eric were standing out by the front of the school. Vivienne was working away in her garden, and the others had come outside to watch Negan's men take their supplies.

"Yes, we're sure. Vivienne is fixing her garden, but once we're growing food again, we'll give you fresh vegetables and gas. We've been struggling to find items to scavenge, but we figured that gas and food are always needed."

Negan smiled down at me, and then held his hand out, giving the key to one of his men. He continued to look at me for a long time, before he took a step closer and spoke in a very soft voice, so only I would hear him.

"Do you need anything?"

I didn't think I had heard him right.

He had such a serious look on his face, and when I furrowed my brow at him in confusion, he still continued to wait for my response. He was asking if we needed something, but…did we? We pretty much had everything we needed. We still had a little food left, and Vivienne's garden was coming along nicely.

Then I remembered the sandwich he had made me two weeks prior, and I smiled a little at him.

"Yeah, more bacon," I said in a low voice. Negan began to smirk as I brought up the BLTs. "And pop-tarts," I added, remembering Amy's cravings.

"Bacon and pop-tarts…" Negan repeated, giving me a judgmental look. I nodded enthusiastically, and it made Negan laugh.

"See you in two weeks, Elle."

He walked back over to his truck, and his men drove away from the school. I watched as our car disappeared with them as one of his men drove it out.

The next day we were all outside working on different tasks. I was helping Vivienne in her garden, and Amy was washing clothes and hanging them to dry on a makeshift clothing line we had set up. Eric was working on making sure our one and only car would run properly. The weather was perfect, with a slight breeze that blew soft against my skin. Vivienne worked in silence for a while, before she asked me to hand her a little gardening shovel. I did, and she wiped her brow with her gloved hand.

"Eric found some waffle mix and a waffle iron in one of the cars last week. We could have waffles for dinner tonight," Vivienne suggested, as she dug into the soil. I nodded, liking the idea of eating the fluffy breakfast food.

"We still have quite a bit of syrup left too," I added, handing Vivienne a packet of cucumber seeds. We had found numerous little seed packets for planting. We were hoping to grow all sorts of food, for ourselves, and for the Saviors.

Vivienne looked up and smiled at me, but her attention was drawn by the sound of a truck pulling up to the school. I turned to see Ryan running over to the gate and opening it up. I got to my feet, and headed over to where a single pickup pulled into the school yard.

The others were watching too, not entirely sure what to expect. The Saviors weren't supposed to be back for two weeks; they had just been here yesterday. I frowned when Negan stepped out of the driver's side door, his men weren't with him.

"You're a little early, don't you think?" I asked, cautiously approaching his truck. He wasn't holding his bat like usual, and grinned at me.

"What can I say, Elle? I just can't get enough of you." He walked around to the back of the pickup and opened up the truck bed. It made me think back to that late night visit weeks before, when he brought me the pills. He hadn't brought anyone with him then either, but now he was coming during the day. The other Doveporters were watching him nervously, and I headed towards the back of the truck where he was pulling a box out.

"We don't have anything to give you, Negan…" I started to say, and then my eyes went to the large box he was taking out of the truck. He picked it up in his hands, and then turned to me.

"Where the fuck do you want this?" he asked, holding the box in his arms. I blinked a few times, not entirely understanding what was happening.

"What is it?" I asked, squinting down at the box.

"Special delivery," he smirked, holding it out to me. I took the box into my arms. It was heavy. I set it down on the ground and opened it right in front of him, needing to know what it was.

I pulled the cardboard tabs apart and stared at its contents, and then looked up at him with a big smile.

"Pop-tarts?" I asked, picking up a little blue box. Amy had been watching, and I could hear her voice from all the way across the yard.

"Are you SERIOUS?!" she squealed, rushing over to where Negan and I were by the back of the truck. She approached me and snatched the box out of my hands, but I didn't mind. I smiled up at her as she opened the little box, and then pulled out a shiny silver wrapper. Before I knew it, she was already biting into one of the pre-made pastries.

"Oh my god!" she moaned into the bite, and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. "And they're cherry. My favorite."

I looked up at where Negan was standing, and he seemed very amused at Amy's reaction. She finished her bite, and then looked to him too.

"Careful, Momma Bear. Don't cream your shorts," he teased, smirking at her. She narrowed her eyes at him, but had a hint of a smile on her face, and tossed the flimsy wrapper towards him. Eric and Vivienne had approached us too, and were all staring down at the box before us.

"Thank you," I told him, noticing that there were multiple boxes of pop-tarts within the large box. Usually they would last us weeks, but with the way Amy was eating them, they'd probably only be around a few days. She had already started in on the second pop-tart as we stood there.

"Oh, and before I forget…" Negan stepped past us and went back to the front door of the truck. He pulled out the little cooler he had brought with when we went to the sporting goods store, and held it out towards me. "You wanted more bacon, so here. You're gonna have to fry it up tonight, but it's on ice now, so it'll still be good."

"Did he just say bacon?" Vivienne asked, eyes wide and focused on the little cooler. I smiled at her, and then turned back to Negan.

"You're spoiling us," I said with a chuckle. It felt too good to be true.

"Yeah… well… don't get to thinking I'm this nice all the fucking time. You guys did good getting all that gas yesterday. We filled up all my trucks, and even had some extra. You do good by me, you get good shit."

I couldn't stop smiling at him. We all stood there without saying anything, and it suddenly became very awkward. Amy reached over and took the cooler from me, and Eric picked up the big box from the ground.

"We'll get these inside," Amy mumbled, speaking to me. Then she turned her attention back to Negan.

"Thank you," she said, and she sounded sincere. He just nodded at her, and then Amy and Eric carried everything inside.

"I should get going," Negan said, shutting the back of the truck. I put my hands on my hips and bit my lip, not knowing what I could possibly say to him. He had just given us an incredibly nice gift, and my gratitude seemed lacking. Not only that, but he was showing his softer side to my friends, and I wondered why he was choosing to do that now.

"Hang on." Vivienne's voice made me turn to look at her. She looked a bit nervous at first, and then she became more confident as she addressed Negan, "You should stay for dinner."

My mouth fell open a bit at what she was suggesting. She wanted Negan to stay and eat with us?

Negan had rounded the truck and was about to open the door, when he looked over to Vivienne.

"What's on the menu?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Waffles… and bacon." She smiled at him.

Negan chuckled and nodded. "What the fuck. I guess I can stay for a bit." He opened the truck door and took out his barbed wire bat. I looked at Vivienne concerned, but she ignored my expression and headed towards the school, leaving me standing with Negan. I glanced over to where he was grinning down at me.

"Sounds delicious," he said, with a mischievous look in his eye. I sighed, and headed into the school with Negan on my heels.

Vivienne prepared dinner while I showed Negan around Doveport and gave him a proper tour.

"Where's your room?" he asked, nudging my shoulder playfully. I groaned, and rolled my eyes.

"Please behave yourself tonight," I begged him, stopping in the middle of one of the hallways. We were completely alone, and although he seemed to be a in a good mood, having Negan inside of Doveport was making me extremely nervous.

"If I'm a good boy, do I get a reward?" he asked, leaning against the wall and giving me a suggestive smile.

"I mean it. And no one gets hurt. Just be good, okay?" My eyes went to his bat, and he noticed. He let out a sigh, and then leaned in close to me with his damned smile.

"Are you gonna punish me if I'm not?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, and he let out a booming laugh, and then ruffled my hair. I froze at the physical contact, and afterwards he continued walking past me. I smoothed my hair down, and watched him as he continued down the hallway. I wondered how this was going to go. I still didn't understand why Vivienne was inviting him to join us.

We walked into the cafeteria where Vivienne had the food prepared. I was immediately greeted by the scent of bacon, and I looked over onto the long table where I could see it was cooked and waiting on a big dinner plate in the center. I sat down on one of the benches, and Negan joined me, sitting down next to me. He set the bat so it was laying on top of the bench. Amy and Eric joined us, and sat down across from us. Amy already had a pop-tart in her hand, and set it down onto the plate before her. I gave her a disapproving look at the idea of her having pop-tarts for dinner.

"Don't judge me!" she said, unwrapping it and taking a bite. Eric leaned over and grabbed a waffle from a plate, and set it down on Amy's.

"Please feed our baby something other than pop-tarts," he pleaded with a laugh. Amy sighed and set the pop-tart down, and picked up her fork. I passed her the syrup, and then took the plate of waffles from Eric's hand. I dished up one of the fluffy squares, and then offered the plate to Negan. He helped himself, taking two waffles and setting them onto his plate.

"Eat up! There's plenty to go around!" Vivienne said, emerging from the kitchen with another big plate of waffles. She carried it over to another table where the other Doveporters were sitting. They all had their eyes on Negan, and looked very uneasy. I couldn't blame them.

"These waffles look fuckin' amazing!" Negan boasted, and everyone looked to him as he spoke. Something felt so bizarre about the situation—it didn't feel like we were doing this against our will, but the behavior still seemed force, as if everyone was on edge. We dished up the bacon, and Negan took a few slices, and then offered the plate to Eric.

"Have as much as you like. This is our way of saying thank you," Vivienne said, as she sat down next to me, and then dished up her plate. I poured some syrup onto my waffle and then handed Negan the bottle. He took it and dumped a generous amount onto his waffles. He handed it to Amy, who also poured a copious amount onto her plate.

"That baby is gonna come out awfully sweet," I teased her. She stuck her tongue out at me.

"You're probably having a girl if you're craving so much sugar," Negan added, biting into his waffles. Every time he spoke, it reminded me that he was here, eating with us. It was so strange; it almost didn't feel weird, and that's what made it weird. It was almost like he belonged here with us, but we all knew what he was capable of.

"Do you have a good set up where you live?" Vivienne asked Negan, while she cut pieces of her waffle with her fork.

"Fuck yeah. Sanctuary is built like a fuckin' fortress," he bragged, and then looked at me. "Elle's seen it."

I nodded, and swallowed my bite of bacon. "It's impressive."

"That's not the only thing I have that's impressive," he said under his breath. I nudged him with my leg under the table, and he chuckled. No one replied to his little comment—I wasn't even sure they had heard it, but I could feel my cheeks were turning pink.

"Do you grow your own produce there?" Vivienne asked.

Negan nodded. "Yeah, we're trying. My men are having trouble making the soil work. But you don't seem to have a problem with growing shit."

Vivienne smiled at him.

"I've been told I have quite the green thumb," she said, and then took another bite.

"Well we could use that thumb. I've got a big open area where you could work those magic fingers of yours and grow even more food than you're growing here at the school."

Vivienne perked up at his words and I chewed silently, being grateful everyone was getting along for the time being and that things hadn't turned ugly like they always seemed to.

"Plus I got a job opening for Papa Bear, if he wants it." He turned his attention on Eric, who almost appeared to gulp. I could tell Negan made him nervous. "Some crazy lady beat one of my men to death, and I'm in the market for a new lieutenant. Comes with some bitchin' perks."

Eric didn't say anything, and we all ate for a few moments in silence. I didn't understand why he was bringing up Eric being one of his lieutenants. It wasn't like we were moving to Sanctuary…

That's when I realized what he was doing.

I looked up to see that Negan was still talking about the Sanctuary. The fence keeping everyone safe, the food and supplies they had stockpiled, and the doctor. I could see the looks on my friend's faces—they were all interested in what he was saying.

"And there's an ultrasound machine," he added. Amy hadn't seem as interested in what Negan was saying, but she perked up at the mention of it.

"We're not leaving," I said low, looking down at my plate. Everyone became very quiet, and I could see Negan turn to look down at me.

"I thought this was a democracy," he teased, picking up a glass of water and taking a long drink. I closed my eyes as he brought up the same words I had used when I made the argument to him in my office that we wouldn't be going with him.

"Elle, what is he talking about?" Amy asked, setting her fork down.

"She didn't tell you? I offered to have you all move in with me. I guess Ms. Dictator here doesn't care what you guys think."

I could feel all their eyes on me, and I cursed Negan in my head for bringing it up. I hadn't brought it up with the others because I was sure they wouldn't want to go with him. And maybe before that would have been true, but now the man was bringing us food, and they weren't feeling as threatened anymore. He was coddling them in an attempt to get them to agree to go, because he knew if they went with him, I would too.

"Elle?" Vivienne said after a long time.

I turned to face Negan with a scowl on my face.

"I see what you're doing. You're pitching your place like it's a paradise so they'll all jump on the idea of moving to Sanctuary with you. Go ahead…but I'm not leaving Doveport."

Negan picked up his glass and drank more water, and then set it down and smiled. His entire demeanor was very nonchalant, as if he wasn't being conniving and we were having a normal conversation.

"Maybe you should have talked to your people about my offer instead of making dinner so fucking awkward," he mumbled, picking up his fork.

"This isn't on me!" I shouted, making the people sitting at the other table turn their heads to see what the commotion was about.

"I think it is, Elle." He raised his eyebrows at me. He was clearly enjoying the fact I was becoming upset, and it enraged me even more.

"It's your fault Philip is dead in the first place! And now we're supposed to consider moving in with you?!" I spat my words at him, and then turned my attention on Vivienne, Eric, and Amy. The three of them looked shocked and bewildered at my emotional outburst, but I was too far gone to care.

"Did you all forget he killed Seth? Don't you remember being in that gym, terrified out of your minds when he killed our friend? Now we're all sitting around having fucking waffles with him, like it's no big deal."

They all averted their eyes from my intense gaze and looked down at their plates. I wasn't trying to make them feel guilty, but how the hell could they be considering living with Negan?

"You're being a bit fucking dramatic, don't you think?" Negan said, taking a bite. I glared at him, and then Vivienne's voice caught my attention.

"You could have talked to us about this, Elle. Maybe we should move. It's something we need to discuss and consider." She had such a serious look on her face, but she was speaking in a low voice, as if she was scolding a child. I stood up from the table and shook my head.

"No. You guys can decide if you want to go with him, but I'm staying right here." I turned from the table and headed into the hallway towards my bedroom. I didn't care how rude I was being; I was livid. I couldn't believe they were willing to walk away from a place we had put so much work into.

I went into my bedroom and sat down on my bed, trying to calm my nerves. I closed my eyes and wondered what Philip would say about all of this. He would have never wanted us to leave Doveport. He would have thought it was a terrible idea.

A knock sounded at my door, making me look up. I expected Amy, or Vivienne to poke their head in, but my eyes narrowed when Negan started to enter my bedroom.

"What the fuck is your problem?"

I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh.

"Just go, Negan."

He closed the door behind him, and I watched him look around my room for a few brief seconds, before his gaze was back on me.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you're talking to here. I just spoiled the shit out of you and your people, bringing you all those supplies…"

"I don't want to talk to you right now," I said, crossing my arms across my chest and looking away from him.

"You need to stop your whining and listen to me." He sounded so serious, that it made me turn back and face him. His dreaded baseball bat was draped over his shoulder, and he had a very grim expression on his face.

"You are responsible for a lot of lives here. That means you need to start thinking about what's best for everyone. It's not always about what you fucking want. That's what being a leader means."

"I don't want to be the leader," I growled. "I want Philip back. I want everything to go back to normal, and I-" I felt my voice break, and I put my head down into my hands and tried to stifle the sobs that I knew were coming.

"They're gonna want to go with you. You're going to take them because you know I'll follow…" I sniffled and looked up at him, a few tears were falling down my face. "I can't walk away from what Philip built for us. Doveport is so much more than a memory of him. It's home. To me… to all of us. I didn't have that for so long. I can't just abandon it. I just can't."

I wiped the tears from my face and looked up at him.

"You can convince them to go with you, but I won't leave." I felt a sob rack my body, and my bottom lip trembled. I felt so vulnerable crying in front of him, but I was being honest. Doveport meant everything to me, and I wouldn't budge on this. Maybe I had always known that my friends would want to discuss leaving, and that's why I never even brought it up with them.

It was never an option in my mind.

Negan stared at me for a long time with that same grim expression on his face, but I would have sworn his eyes had a softness to them. I wondered if the sight of me crying was getting to him.

After a long silence, Negan exhaled and shook his head.

"You could be eating bacon every single fucking day for the rest of your life…" His voice was softer, and I heard him chuckle, as if he was trying to lighten the mood. "I heard the way you moaned on that BLT…"

He was still trying to convince me, but I could also sense he was willing to back off on the subject. I scoffed and then looked up at him. He was wiggling his eyebrows at me, and I let out a short laugh.

"It's not worth all the bacon in the world."

Negan pursed his lips and brought a hand to his beard covering his mouth. He looked like he was trying to think of something else to say to me—like he was trying to come up with a better argument. Then he nodded slowly and smiled at me.

"Goodnight, Elle. Thanks for dinner."

He opened my door and started to step into the hallway, and I let out a sigh.

"Goodnight, Negan."