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Ecenema - (Are you Blacktear97? 'cause I checked my email to see who all I know that have some relation to the fanfic and I find that for all of your reviews in my email, you are Blacktear97, BUT, in on this Fanfic in the reviews, all of them are replaced with Ecenema...Damn I'm good...)
Count: 10 (pending on Ecenema, but who the fuck cares?) Anyways, how is it going for everybody! Wife and kids good? What's that? You're not married you say? You say this isn't for grown ass adults?! Why how dare you!? My material is fit for ages er, 6 and up!... What am I doing with my life? Makin' funny stuff that's what! Alrighty, down to business...
Hey guys and thanks for reading and supporting this fanfiction! Please give some credit to most of the people atop this text because I'm too lazy! Anyways, I have one piece of bad news. I don't know if I just have bad luck, or something is intentionally messing with me. A friend of mine recently passed away. They got injured really bad and didn't recover, so that's why this one is a little behind. So thank you for being patient.
Many bunches of suggestions. 'Bout time I got on that. Also, there may be some sexual humor, so viewer discretion is advised. There is also gross humor at the end of the fanfic. And if you just skip whatever the hell I say, then good luck to you. This is going to be hilarious, I think.
Link
Victoria's Secret
"Okay, this is the LAST place I'd expect to find a dress." Link said. He hadn't been walking with Zelda for to long; Marth, Lucina, and Robin all abandoning him before he went inside. I'm not stepping foot in that place! I would rather cut a toe off! Lucina had told him.
"I'm not here for dresses, I'm here for bra's and underwear." Zelda replied, bending down to look on a shelf.
"I still don't actually understand why I still have to come."
"Who else is going to hold my stuff?"
"Really? You're going to play me like that?" Link touched his nose lightly, it had a band-aid on it from, ya know. "Come on Zel. You know that things like this bore me out of my mind."
"Link, read fanfiction or something. Just wait until I finish." Link pulled out his phone and did just that. Because of Zelda's poor choice, Link now followed right behind her talking to himself and saying things like, "Whaaaaat? No way. That's impossible. Is taco really a color?", and it drove Zelda nuts.
"Link."
"Hold on. I'm almost at the climax." Link grunted in anxiety soon afterwards and Zelda had to look at his crotch to make sure she had the right definition of climax.
She shook her head and returned to her mission.
Not too long later, she turned around to Link holding up a bra. "Link, how does this one look, I want your honest opinion." Link didn't even look up. "I'm here for labor. If I was here for you to ask me y opinion, then we'd be outta here in less than a minute."
"Link. Look." Link looked up and a thin smile soon spread on his lips. "Damn. Is that a gift for you? Or is it for me?" Zelda looked at Link's crotch again.
"It's for me silly. I wouldn't get you a bra." Link grabbed the bra and that's where he finally had to hold stuff. His duty had begun.
"Oh, but it is for me. Not the bra, but the view...You see Zel, when you go clothes shopping, especially here, I'm already receiving a reward." Link flirted. Zelda rolled her eyes. If that's the case, stop complaining all the time, she thought.
10 minutes later
Link and Zelda were walking to the next store, which was Bed, Bath, & Beyond. They also met Robin and Marth on the way. Lucina said that she was tired of their nonsense and walked to a nearby gym.
"Marth, Robin, hello! I have a really important question." called Link.
"What type of question?" Marth shuddered. Last time Link had a 'question', he got on VERY BAD terms with Little Mac.
"Is Taco a color?"
Zelda whipped around so fast that she almost lost her balance and fell. She startled Link, making him jerk the three bags he'd been carrying.
"Link. No." He'd asked her earlier and went ON and ON about how some theory proves it so.
"Oh, come on Zel. It HAS to be! How can it possibly be wrong?" Zelda started to consider that Link was playing HER. She began to walk ahead of the men.
"No."
"No what?"
"Taco is not a color."
"O RLY?! Watch this video. It will blow your mind." Link shoved his phone in Marth's face. "I'm not watching anything!" Marth ran ahead of them and joined Zelda. Link slowly looked over at Robin with a grin on his face.
"Nope, get that shit away from me. I won't let you kill my brain cells."
Link watched Robin join Zelda and Marth. " I literally can't believe they fell for that. There is no theory about taco being a color! I mean COME ON." Link looked around and pulled out his phone. "I better check just in case..."
Shulk
12:15 pm
Smash Cafeteria
Shulk had mixed feelings about the situation at hand. You see, Shulk himself loves a good joke. But NOT when someone steals his Monado, replaces it with a paper replica, dump a bag of dead frogs on his head, and floods the entire mansion, ruining his things in a massive catastrophic event. Yeah, no one takes his Monado. Or does any of that other stuff I guess. That's why Shulk agreed when Master Hand asked would anyone help him. Also knowing that THE SOLID SNAKE would be helping righteously reassured him. He hoped Lucina would be here, because, their like, totally BFF's. Just kidding.
Shulk was following Master Hand into the Cafeteria to gather other smashers. It seemed like something major was going on, because from behind, it looked like a fortune teller was here. Master Hand noticed this too, and was very surprised by it. He was even more surprised when he recognized who it was.
"What is going on here!?" Master Hand boomed. Shei-err, Madame Claudine jumped around so quick that her bowli-*ahem* Crystal Ball fell and hit the floor with a thud and bounced up.
Madame Claudine was shocked, completely forgetting that Master Hand was an obstacle of hers. "Um...I...I..."
"You what? What are you-? Madame Claudine knew that Master Hand was going to end up spoiling her secret. In an instant, she smoke bombed right on top of Master, landing on his glove and earning a grunt from him. She spoke in a quick, hushed and serious tone.
"Listen Master Hand. I respect you almost as much as the goddesses and I look up to you as an idol, but I can't let you reveal my identity. I only ask that you keep your mouth shut about me. I am Madame Claudine who is a fortune teller from very far away. I'm not Sheik. Get that into you head so I don't have to END YOU." she said, threateningly. Master Hand merely shook her off.
"Sheik, what are you doing?" He asked. Madame Claudine looked around to see if anyone heard him. Only two people, Mario and Shulk, both with their jaws dropped. There was that resemblance, and who knew that Sheik could look so damn sexy? Her ears, same. Her eyes, same. Her (flat) chest, same. Her stealthiness, same. It all made perfect sense. Except why she was showing 'too much skin'. Maybe she was pranked too, and was forced to wear something beautiful and decided to disguise her identity? I mean, she is Sheik, Shulk thought.
"Waita-minute here. YOU'RE-a Sh-" Madame Claudine threw three needles directly into Mario. One stunned him, another poisoned him, and the last knocked him out. Which was necessary of course.
Shulk looked at Mario and then back to Madame Claudine. She shot him a daring look. "Whoa whoa whoa. If you would be so kind as to let me return upstairs, then I find that this will benefit for us both." Shulk said, backing up. Master Hand snapped his fingers and Madame Claudine was restrained by some orange barrier. "Okay, I will deal with you later. I don't have time right now, but I can't have you troubling the smashers." He snapped his fingers again and poof! Madame Claudine was gone. He floated inside with Shulk behind him and Samus, Snake, Ike, and Rosalina coming down the stairs.
"Uh, Master Hand?" Ike said.
"What?"
"Why's Mario foaming out of his mouth?"
Master Hand rallied everyone who decided to join into the cafeteria for fury, food, fun, & facilitating busi- okay, I did NOT know where I was going with that. Whimsical, weary, wet, woven, work. (Just roll with it.) So far, the people who had joined were Samus, Snake, Ike, Shulk, Rosalina, Olimar, Greninja, Jigglypuff, Kirby (who says yes to everything), Young Link, and Little Mac.
"Alright everyone, it is time for me to assign you into groups. Now, since I know that some of you would rather work alone, there will be only two teams. Little Mac, Kirby, and Olimar are in Team 1. Samus, Snake, Jigglypuff, and Rosalina are in Team 2. Ike, Shulk, Greninja, and Young Link are working on their owns. I've already told you you're mission, so- what is it Samus?" Samus had her hand raised.
"Can Ike be on our team? He gets sidetracked easily." She looked at Ike, who was secretly flipping her off.
"Very well. Do as you please. Ike, you're on Team 2 now." Master Hand boomed.
"You wicked bitch!" Ike signaled to her.
"Okay everyone, off to work. I won't be available because I need to deal with a 'Visitor'. I do expect the best out of all of you. Oh, and godspeed smashers." And with that, Master Hand blinked away in a flash. The smashers who were helping spread into their groups and discussed plans of how to catch and beat the living shit out of the pranksters. Ike walked over to Samus, contemplating if he could actually take her on.
"Why hello Ike. Didn't see you there." she said once he got over.
"Fuck you. I just wanted to leave and never come back. But you just had to ruin that, didn't you? You don't need me. You just wanted to piss me off so MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!" Right at that very moment, the ceiling above Ike's head exploded open, with Bayonetta popping out and a large, rolling boulder following close behind (prank, by the way). Samus quickly used her (rocket boots) shoes to speed up and tackled him before the boulder landed. They went crashing down to the floor, Ike being on bottom. The rubble and dust spread all over the floor. Bayonetta dusted herself off.
"That's a lot of commotion over a little lollipop isn't it? My, my, are you kiddies okay?" she gestured over to Samus and Ike.
Ike, was shocked and stunned. Samus sat up, sitting on Ike's waist. "Jesus, that was close. I guess you owe me again." she said, looking at Ike.
"Samus, you just saved my life. I mean, I've probably been saved before, but it's like you knew something was going to happen. I-I don't know what to say."
"Don't say anything." Samus leaned down and began to kiss Ik- okay, that did NOT HAPPEN.
"Well, a thank you would seem appropriate."
"Oh, thanks a lot. I, once again, really appreciate it." Ike blushed. Not for THAT reason, it's because he never thought that Samus would sit on his…
"Can you two just make sweet love already?" Snake called over. Samus got up and kneed Snake, but he blocked it.
"So Ike is into the feisty type, eh?" Samus walked toward the entrance.
"Let's go." Team Two followed Samus out and Ike got up and began running after them.
"I love how a fucking boulder almost kills me and we just walk away without any questions; like nothing happened.
Snake Samus Ike Jigglypuff Rosalina
Smash Yard
12:38 pm
"Hey, what time is it? I'm hungry." Ike groaned. Snake looked back at him. "We, just left the cafeteria."
"But everything was like, full of garlic and stuff."
"You ate TWELVE Monte Cristo's at like, what, 9:00 maybe? It's only been three hours."
"Can we get Chipotle?" Snake threw his hands in the air. Rosalina pat him on the back.
10 minutes later
"Samus." Snake said.
"Yeah?"
"What the hell are we doing at Victoria's Secret?"
There was a pause.
"I'm looking for Link. He's the first person that I suspect played the Song of Time and screwed everyone over. I'm pretty sure that Zelda said that she was dragging him here."
Snake looked at Ike and Ike looked at Snake at the same time. "There's no way in hell I'm stepping foot in there." they said simultaneously.
"Fine. Jigglypuff, you're with me. Rosalina, please watch Ike. Snake, don't die. Alright, go team." She and Jigglypuff marched into the store. Rosalina turned towards Ike.
"..."
"What?"
"I was asked to watch you."
"That's creepy. Knock it off."
"Where's your Team Two spirit?"
"What now? No! There is no Team Two spirit! Even though Samus saved me that doesn't mean I have to give a shit." Rosalina went quiet for about a minute or two.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Lets come up with a team name. I'll go first. How about Spicy Salt?" she piped.
"I don't even think you tried with that." Ike belched. Snake intercepted.
Snake: "I actually think that she has a point. Samus is the spice of this group while you're the salt. Tons and tons of salt."
Ike: "..."
Rosalina: "Snake, it's your turn."
Snake: "The Boxcars."
Ike: "Seriously? Just because you use a box?"
Rosalina: "The Boxcars are a good one. How 'bout you, Ike?"
Ike: "Gods please kill me now…"
Rosalina: "I don't know about that. Doesn't seem appropriate for this kind of situation."
Ike started running. Out of nowhere, he just started running. Snake didn't look up at all. Quickly, a Luma came from Rosalina's dress and knocked Ike over. It brought him back, struggling against Ike's weight. He hit the ground with a thud and the Luma floated back into her dress. Snake took out a cigarette.
Ike: "Ugh, why is there a Luma up your-"
Rosalina: "Ask no questions."
20 minutes later, Samus and Jigglypuff finally walked out, a bag in hand. Ike was looking like he was about to die, while Rosalina was reading a book. Snake was in his shadows, the cigarette burning brightly against the dark. Ike popped himself up like a vegetable.
"Samus. WHERE. WERE. YOU. I could have watched an entire season of Breaking Bad, Law & Order, The 100, Game Of Thrones, Friends, Seinfeld, and Judge Judy! And what the hell is in the bag!?"
"Will you just shut up? Calm down. I had Jigglypuff write a status report and mission while we were in there." Jigglypuff handed Ike a piece of scratch paper.
"..."
"Well, what does it say, boy?" Snake barked.
"I can't read this. It's just a bunch of lines over each other. Looks like somebody got hella high and tried to write cursive." Jigglypuff snatched the paper away and stomped on it.
"You know, Samus. Why don't we just call Link and see where they are?" Rosalina suggested. Everyone face-palmed, even Snake. "Why didn't I think of that?"
"Because you have a one-track mind. It revolves around JUST food." Snake retorted.
"Are we still going to get Chipotle?"
"NO!" everyone yelled.
"I'll call him." Samus pulled out her phone and dialed up his number. Now they just wait on the ringing...
Link
1:09 pm
Bed Bath & Beyond
*ring* *ring* When your Master Sword just don't work like it used to before...
Marth and Robin both looked up at Link.
"Are you gonna get that?"
"Did you just copyright that song?"
"Arrogant scum..." Link pulled out his phone. As soon as he saw the caller I.D., he immediately hit the reject button. Robin looked over his shoulder. "Who was that?"
"Uh, err...Bill Collector." Link's phone rang again. Once he saw the Caller I.D., and with Robin looking over his shoulder, he answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"Yeah, where are you?"
"Um, why?"
"Because you just won the lottery. Congratulations."
"I'm not stupid. Well, I'm not that much of an idiot anyway. What do you want?"
"I just want to know where my darling Link is of course."
"In that case, figure it out." Instantaneously, the other line hang up and Zelda's phone began to ring. She of course, answered it.
"Oh hello Samus. How're you? Really? Huh, that sounds awful. Where am I? At Bed Bath & Beyond. Why?" There was a *click* at the other end of the line.
"Gods dammit! She's coming for me; gonna ruin everything!" Zelda turned around to face Link.
"What are you talking about? Who's coming for you?" she asked genuinely concerned.
"Resistance is indomitable! Samus is gonna come and she's going to capture me for god knows what! Why else would she pursue my whereabouts!? Because she's worried about me? Hell no! I can't be free for a second! When will my liberty come!?" he agonized.
Robin almost snickered. "Did you get hit with good grammar or something?"
Link swung around. "Did you get hit with a sense of humor?" Robin doubled over.
"Damn." Marth added.
"Anyways, Zel, I'm saying that I think that Samus is after me. She's a freaking Bounty Hunter for Christ's sake. I'm more scared for what she actually wants. Zelda, let's get to checkout or whatever. I got a feeling that we need to get out of here, like now." After a lot of bagging, they headed outside.
"Alright, let's get as far away from here as possible." Link said.
"Actually, I'm gonna head off. I wanna meet up with Lucina at the gym. See you guys later. Oh, and Marth's coming too." Link and Zelda waved them goodbye. A Luma floated towards Link holding a present wrapped with a red ribbon.
"Whoa, where'd you come from? For me? Really? Can I open it?" The Luma gestured yes, and he tore it open. Inside was a note that said 'BANG!' and a flash grenade. It blew up in Link's face, blinding him for a moment. Then a smoke grenade flew from the top of the building, and it spewed smoke everywhere. The sound of a gun went off and a net fell on top of Link's body. A stealthy figure rammed him onto the ground, then grabbed the net, pulling Link along. He fought back while screaming, 'I can't see! Let me go!" A tall object fired something that looked like a stun beam and it hit Link directly. They all ran and climbed on top of the building, some flying, some floating, some hitching a ride, and some using their shoes. They ran and jumped off of the other side of the building, hauling ass down the street and around the corner. They threw Link into the trunk of a limo, and got out in style. They were gone, and only in mere seconds. Zelda coughed as the smoke started to clear. As the smoke cleared, a note flew in the wind and Zelda caught it. It read:
Sorry Princess for having to take the weakest Link on the chain, but he's a suspect in the catastrophes that have been occurring in the mansion. Unfortunately, we also need you to come back too. Right now, Master Hand gave us a mission, everyone must be returned to the mansion and suspects must be captured. We've sent a gang of Shyguys to help you carry your things. Please don't resist, or we will have to use force. Bye bye!
With adieu,
The Boxcars
Zelda sighed. Luckily, Robin and Marth hadn't walked too far off, so they were able to jog back when she called them back.
Marth was the first to get there, being a fast smasher. Then there was Robin, who was the slowest. "So, they actually came and took him, huh? I thought he was just crazy. Well, we better get back to the mansion before they come for us all. Master Hand must be pissed…" Marth said as they started walking. Zelda thanked them for helping her with her, like, 17 bags. The team of Shyguys behind her felt neglected.
Snake
1:10 pm
Smash Limo
Everyone had been quiet doing the trip in the limo. That is until a stomach grumble was heard from across seat.
Snake pulled something out of nowhere. "Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. You did a good job boy, so take this." Snake handed Ike something wrapped in aluminum foil.
"YAY!" Ike slowly opened the aluminum foil and embraced the grace of his reward. He wolfed it down, tears streaming down his face. Everyone watched him as he nearly ate the foil too. Samus turned to Snake.
"Alright, who's next on the list? Ya know, who we need to bring back."
"Right. Next iiiiisss...Bowser."
Rosalina immediately knew where to find him. "I'm pretty sure he's at the gym. He's ALWAYS at the gym."
"Well, which gym?"
"Anyone will do." So, in about 7 minutes, they were there. Everyone got out, ready for a battle.
Snake walked up to the driver.
"Alright, you're gonna want to get very far from this place because it could get messy. I'll call you when we're ready." The driver nodded. Then, he drove off.
"Are you sure we should have told him to leave? I mean, what if he comes peacefully?" Rosalina asked.
"Do you know who Bowser is? That guy is insane. Get ready to fight." Snake retorted. Rosalina grabbed her wand tightly and her Luma came out. "I hate things the hard way." Snake walked up and kicked open the doors. He drew a pistol. "Everybody out!" Many people ran outside, some bystanders staying to watch the commotion. Samus ran inside around the corner and inside a room. "Guys, over here!" Samus had her gun directed at Bowser.
"Bowser, we have a mission to bring everyone back to the mansion immediately! Come peacefully, and we won't have to use force." Bowser stared dead ahead at The Boxcars, death floating in his eyes. He slowly walked forward, heads in the air.
"See? I told you he would come peacefully!" Ike said. Bowser rammed into Samus quickly; smashing through a wall. Ike lept forward and pulled his blade from its sheath. He tried to slice Bowser, but the sword folded under him.
"WHY IS MY SWORD PAPER!?" Ike was sent flying into a wall because of a massive tail whip. Snake came up and fired a full clip at Bowser. They all bounced off his shell and Snake charged at him. Bowser swung his claws and Snake ducked under. Sending a kick to his chest, Bowser slid backwards a bit. Samus jumped up and kicked Bowser from under his feet. Jigglypuff rolled and sent him flying into the wall. Samus shot a paralyzing bullet(?) and stunned him. The rest of the bystanders had already run out of the building. Lucina ran into the door.
"What the hell is going on? What are you guys doing?"
"No time to explain!" Samus barked. "Get back to the mansion."
A fireball flew and hit Snake. "Ow! Damn that's hot!" Bowser jumped up and flattened Jigglypuff. Snake threw a punch, but hit the back of Bowser's shell. He whipped around and hit Snake.
"Lucina!?" Ike shouted.
"What?"
"Go find me a large stick or something!"
"Got it." She ran off, sure to be back. Samus used her gun to grab Bowser and threw him into the air. Rosalina commanded Luma to go up, and Luma sent him rocketing down. Bowser fell through the floor and couldn't get out. He was stuck. The Boxcars gathered in front of him, triumphant.
"I got nothing against you Bowser, but I got a mission to fulfill. For everyone at the Cuthouse." Snake said quietly. Bowser was visibly pissed. He had one last trick up his shell, though. He pulled out a giant mushroom, and quickly devoured it. As he did so, an evil smile spread across his face.
"What did he just eat?" Samus asked. Rosalina stepped forward. "Giant mushroom. He'll get REALLY big. Temporarily. He'll be big for about 7 minutes, so get ready."
"Not good…" Bowser got very big, tearing through his tiny cage and expanding through the walls of the gym. Seconds later, he went from fearsome, to bigger than his Giga form. No one moved for a while. Ike broke all silence in the world with only three words…
"This sucks ass."
Bowser spit a large ball of fire into the air. As it started to come back down, he jumped high into the air, did a front flip, and belly flopped the fireball to the ground, nuking the area. Fire spewed everywhere, destroying everything below.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
The entire building was just rubble and rogue flames danced into the sun. (You might question where the cops are in all this, but I'll get to them later.) Samus, Snake, Rosalina, Jigglypuff, and Ike were spread out across the destroyed lot. Bowser was shrunken now. The impact of the blow must have shrunken him now. He wasn't harmed. He did have a stinging sensation all around his body though. He laughed, having taken down the entire Team. Except for two. Jigglypuff jumped up, more angry than hurt. A large piece of wall began to move. It slowly ascended and was pushed off. Snake rose, very much hurt and equally mad. His aura, enough to intimidate Lucario, could melt ice. His eyes were dark, bathing in it's own shadow. He pulled out a cigarette and stuck it into one of the flames, then pulled it back. He brought it to his lips, taking in smoke.
"You're gonna die."
Bowser stood up, laughing. He ran straight at Snake. Snake pulled out a gun and shot Bowser in the knee. It was a tranquilizer and Bowser pulled it out immediately. But it was too late, Bowser started to feel dizzy, stumbling from side to side. All he could see was Snake, who pulled out a real gun and shot him in the shoulder. Blood trickled down his arm. Snake ran at Bowser, shot him again in his other shoulder, then threw a punch. Snake's fist crashed into Bowser's jaw, sending him sprawling onto the burning ground. Jigglypuff finished him off by kicking him an extra time. Snake pulled his cigarette from his mouth. He fell on one knee.
"You son of a bitch."
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Bowser was defeated. About 18 minutes later, there were police, staff (from the gym), firefighters, nosy people, and an ambulance all around the destroyed lot. Some of the streets around the broken gym were also destroyed. Snake had called the Limo and it showed up, not too long after the cops came. Snake walked around to find the other members of his team, besides Jigglypuff. He found Rosalina first. What was once a beautiful, kind woman who wore a dress and could fly, now had bloody cuts around her face, blood splotches all around and had pieces of her pretty dress ripped out and spoiled. She floated over. Her Luma had a nasty bruise across the top of it's head.
"Rosalina, christ. Are you going to be okay? There's an ambulance just in case." Snake said, in shock.
"*groan* N-no. I should be fine. I just wish that Bowser could realize we're not in the arena, he can do actual d-damage. I'll go sit in the Limo. Wait, are you okay?" she coughed. Snake nodded. He helped walk her to the Limo. She clutched her arm the entire time. The chauffeur opened up the door, saying, "Whoa. That is not good…". After Rosalina got in the car, Samus and Jigglypuff approached. Samus had a bruised eye and she was holding her hand strange. There was also a thin line of blood coming from her head.
"Samu-"
"No, don't even. I'm fine."
"You don't look fine. There's blood coming from your head. That's not fine."
"Snake, shut your mouth. I'M FINE." Samus got into the front seat. Snake turned to Jigglypuff.
"You can get in, I'll go find Ike." Jigglypuff also hopped in, ignoring the screams from the ambulance. "You need assistance!" they assured. Snake waved them off as he limped to find Ike. He check the ambulance first and they didn't have him. After about five minutes, he lifted up a rock and there he was. Unconscious. Alive, yes.
"Ike, wake up boy." Snake slowly shook him awake.
"*ugh* Snake is that you? I feel an uncomfortable familiarity from this situation."
"Deja vu, yeah." Snake moved over some of the debris that was blocking the rest of Ike's body.
"Ike, can you walk?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"You need help?"
"Of course not!" Ike's cape was singed and torn. He too had blood coming from his head. Except, lots of it. Snake walked forward toward the Limo, expecting Ike to be right by him. There were groans and grunts.
"Uh, Snake?"
"What's up?" Snake turned around and his jaw dropped.
"I think my leg is broken." You could see his leg, all limp and flaccid. It was soaked in blood, snapped in two and part of the white, craggily broken bone sticking out of his skin. It was sickening, but Snake had seen much worse.
"...You gotta go to the hospital, kid." Ike jerked his head upwards.
"Ow. Snake, I wanna help. For once, I actually want to help, now that we finally get some action. And free burritos. Ugh, it hurts so bad, but that's MY problem." Ike tried to stand again, but his efforts were pathetically futile. Snake called Lucina over. He ran to her.
"What's wrong!? What the fuck happened here?"
"We had a little run in with big bad Bowser. Yep, The other Boxcar members are hurt pretty bad. My leg is jacked up a little bit, but that's all."
"Bowser did this!?"
"Well, he ate one of those gigantic mushroom thingies. The cops are gonna take him back to the mansion. He's too big for the trunk. Oh shit. I forgot about Link."
"...And who're the Boxcars?"
"I'll explain everything later. Oh, and put that stick down." Lucina through the stick to the ground.
"I need your help. Just follow me. Snake led Lucina back to Ike.
"Oh, hi Lucina." Ike groaned again.
"Man, Ike. You don't look good at all."
"That's not the worst of it." Snake moved to the side, revealing his leg.
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" she lurched forward. It looked like she was going to puke, but she contained it.
"This is insane! How did this happen?"
"You're just full of questions…"
"Shut up! I'm worried alright! I'll go get a stretcher!" Lucina ran off.
"Hey Snake."
"What?"
"How do you know Lucina?"
"I don't know her. I heard her name when you said it. She probably doesn't know me, but I'll explain things to her later.
3 minutes later
The hospital guys lifted Ike into the hospital truck. Ike was disappointed and didn't want to go. Snake decided against it. As the guys spread out to leave, Snake handed Ike something in aluminum foil. "Nice job boy."
"Yaaaaaaaaay…" The guys closed the doors and the engine started up. Snake led Lucina back to the limo. She got in, then Snake did. He explained everything, told them about Ike, told Lucina about the fight with Bowser, and why he's here. The driver took him home as he did so, and was also in awe.
"Wait, so all this shit is happening because of a prank day? I mean, I knew people were getting pranked, but ALL THIS because of it!? Man, the goddesses have been hard on us." Everyone nodded at her statement. They had returned to the mansion to rest for about an hour. Lucina said that she would help if she had her sword, but she didn't. She did know someone who could help though. He was strong and reliable. And his innocence was overwhelming. Lucina called him up and they waited…
Pit
?
?
"Uh, hello? Is anyone out there?" Pit was hanging upside down in a very dark room. He'd been like that for hours. Now he just had to wait for someone to get him.
Samus
2:00 pm
Smash Mansion
Samus put on her power suit. With her wrist broken, it would be hard to keep going. She took Rosalina to the Restoration Center because she was pretty beat up. Bowser was locked away, like Madame Claudine, and would be dealt with soon. Jigglypuff was still up for the challenge and Snake got his knee bandaged up. The team all gathered in the lobby.
"Well, the Boxcars got evened out quickly. Be on your toes everyone." Oh, yes. Would they be on their toes alright. Toon Link had heard what happened and about their job. And MAN, do they have something coming to them.
Lucas
2:05 pm
Smash Basement
Toon Link and Ness were plotting about how to stop The Boxcars from advancing, while Lucas was trying to convince them that things needed to stop.
"Guys, all this was funny at first, but look! P-people are getting hurt! Think about Ike's leg!" he stuttered.
"Lucas, what happened with Bowser is none of our faults. We're not responsible." Ness said.
"Ness, yes we are! If we didn't do this whole prank thing, then everybody would still be perfectly fine! But no, all the fights today are canceled, people as kind as Rosalina got hurt, and Master Hand is shutting everyone in! S-so tell me, how can we just continue on with this like nothing even happened?" Lucas stomped his foot as he spoke.
"Lucas, I've never seen you feel so strongly about something. But even if we do stop, we all made a promise; a vow that we would do all do whatever we could to keep each other from getting caught. Remember that?" Toon Link said. Lucas felt an anger that he wasn't sure had existed inside of him before.
"So that's how it is!? You're just gonna go off some childish promise we made!? You never even answered my question! How is it that people are suffering worse than we thought and we can just shake it off with laughter!? How can we call ourselves heroes when we are the villains!? How can we, no. How can YOU pretend that this is a good deed; that everyone deserves this!? Before, thing were just harmless fun! Now, it's escalated out of control! Open your damn eyes and look at what we've done! What we've caused to happen! The problem that we created! We're not kids, you know! How about you quit acting like this is just some fantasy story and GROW UP!" Lucas ran up the stairs, bawling his eyes out, leaving Ness and Toon Link behind to think about what they've done. Toon Link sunk against the wall. Ness bent down besides him.
"Toon Link, he might be right. Maybe this is over. Just give Lucas some time, but consider what he's saying." Tears welled up inside Toon's eyes. It didn't make his swollen, puffy black eye look any better either.
"Ness, he's right, but we CAN'T get caught. No matter what. We hafta follow through."
"Alright. That's your choice to make. I won't leave your side buddy. Here's that thingie you said Link had in his drawer." Ness passed Toon Link some Viagra. Now they're plan had just begun.
Upstairs
Lucas came bursting through the doors that led downstairs. He ran right into Snake and fell on the ground.
"Lucas? Long time no see." Snake said. Lucas ran past him and up the stairs.
"What's his problem?" Snake asked. Samus did her shoulders up and down, but you couldn't really see it.
"You know what? I'll be right back."
"Where are you going?"
"I'm hungry. The chef's should have made more food by now."
"...Fine. I'll come with you. Let's go Jigglypuff." Samus sighed. She followed Snake into the cafeteria. Ness and Toon Link were right next to the door, listening to every last word.
"Toon Link! Now's our chance!" Ness snatched the pill bottle and ran into the cafeteria.
"You go Ness." Toon Link whispered.
Ness
2:11 pm
Smash Cafeteria
Snake was grabbing a plate. Samus grabbed a cup of coffee. Jigglypuff got some poke pellets(?) (Somebody help me with this pokemon stuff. I don't know what I'm really doing). Ness ran and jumped over the counter.
"Who was that?" Fox looked over.
"I dunno." Falco said.
Inside the kitchen, Ness ducked behind the counter and dumped three pills straight into the Mighty Mushroom Soup. Back in Brawl, Snake ate TONS of the Mighty Mushroom Soup. Made out of clean, delicious, and fresh mushrooms straight out of the Mushroom Kingdom. Also made from other ingredients, this chunky soup is one of the best delicacies the Smash Mansion has to offer. The chef looked over at Ness.
"What are you plotting, huh?" his raspy yet calm voice echoed off the walls.
"Me? Uh...er...I just wanted to smell all the food is all..." he whimpered.
"That's weird dude. Hey, do me a favor. Watch the stuff while I'm gone. I gotta take a leak." The chef walked way to the back of the kitchen and went into a large door.
"Oh, I'll watch everything alright. Time to be naughty." Ness laughed. Quickly, he jumped up and closed the shutters before Snake, Samus, or Jigglypuff got any food.
"Hey! What's going on!?" Snake yelled. Ness mustered up the deepest voice he could.
"RESTOCK!" He ran over to where the coffee was and pulled a bottle out of his back pocket.
"Nothing like some good old liquid laxative." He emptied most of it into the Decaf. "Ah, Deja vu." He ran over to the desserts and found a bunch of jelly donuts. He emptied his pockets until he found three fire crackers and slipped one into each jelly donut. He took out his walkie talkie. "Toon Link. Come in Toon Link, over."
"Toon Link here. What's up? over."
"Place down one of those portal thingies you did before with Link, Samus, Zelda, and those other Fire Emblem characters. over."
"Oh, Okay. over."
"And put a toilet with plastic wrap over it, too. over."
"Ummmmm...okay? over and out. over."
Ness looked at everything that he had in his pockets. Finally, he settled for a fake quarter. The old fake quarter trick. A classic. He put it right on the floor. Ness ducked down behind the counter and pushed a button. The shutters rose and the aroma of the hot food once again filled the cafeteria. Ness slowly ducked under the door to get into the kitchen and walked away as if nothing happened. Nobody suspected a thing.
Snake quickly walked over to the Mighty Mushroom Soup and put two helpings right into the (he exchanged his plate for a bowl) bowl. He got two of the Viagra pills.
"Hey Samus! Ever tried this?" he smiled and gestured to the soup.
"Uh...No thanks." She walked over to the Decaf and put some in her mug. She smiled as the steam rose out of the cup, indicating that it was hot. "Now we're cooking."
Snake found an empty table and sat down. Samus and Jigglypuff joined him. He had already started eating, gulping down the delicious food. He already swallowed the two blue pills, the color in them drowned out by the beige color of the stew. Samus took off her helmet.
"That's all we need, another eater like Ike."Samus said.
"Quiet you. I ate at about 7:00 this morning. Shall we talk about things?"
"Like what?"
"Who do you think is actually behind all this? Who's the prankster?" Snake asked.
"It's only one person. My best bet is someone like Wario or Sonic. Sonic is fast enough to rush around the mansion without being seen. He could also quickly destroy the generators, so that could make him a suspect too. Not to mention that we haven't seen him yet. And Wario just seems like the person who would do it." She took a sip of coffee. It tasted a little strange.
"Nah. My guess is that it's the kids. Toon Link, Lucas, and Ness. Nobody would suspect it and they could set things up a lot quicker. Could also be several places at once. And just look, Toon Link knows the Song of Storms, so..." Snake put another spoonful in his mouth.
"What!? The kids? No way. They may be strong from where they come from, but they couldn't do this much damage. Anyone but them."
"Bet."
"$300.00 that it's not them."
"Make it $500.00."
"Deal." Samus stuck out her hand. Snake reached across the table and they shook hands.
"Now it's settled. You saw, right Jigglypuff?" Jigglypuff nodded. Samus, Snake, and Jigglypuff finished and hurried out of the room, eager to get back to work.
"Alright. Samus, who's next on the list?" Snake asked. Samus looked dumbfounded.
"I don't have the list. You do."
"Oh yeah." Snake fished it out of his pocket. "Next is Ganondorf."
"Great. Get ready for another battle. Damn." she grabbed her hand.
"What's wrong?"
"My wrist. It's broken. That's why I'm using my power suit." Samus and Snake walked through the main doors into a pale white room.
"Is that why you were mad back when we beat Bowser?"
"Uh, Snake?"
"What?"
"Where are we?" Snake looked up, noticing the giant room.
"I don't know. Did we walk through the wrong doors or something?"
"Maybe we-" A blast of Deja vu flashed at Samus. She remembers walking through the main doors and getting to that giant room with the strange drinks. Then floating. They had to get out of there. Jigglypuff was walking through the doors.
"JIGGLYPUFF, NO! IT'S A TRAP!" The doors slammed shut, locking Jigglypuff out. The doors disappeared when they closed, as if being part of the blinding white walls. Snake ran over and felt the wall. Nothing. He shot the wall. Nothing. It looks like they're trapped.
"What in hell?" Snake felt the walls all over. Nothing. There was a loud groan.
"Oh god. My stomach." Samus scaled the room. There was a lonely toilet sitting at the corner of the wall. Samus slowly walked over to it, clutching her stomach.
"Uh, Samus? What're you doing?"
She turned around.
"I have to go, really REALLY bad!" She paused. "Er...Is there an Ashton Cigar in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" she said.
"What?" Snake looked down. It looked like there was an Ashton Cigar in his crotch. He moved his hands in the way.
"Okay, this is not what you think!" Samus wasn't listening. She already took off her power suit and had begun to take off her Zero Suit.
"Snake, turn around!"
"Why're you-"
"TURN AROUND DAMN IT!" Snake turned towards the wall. Samus pulled off the rest of her Zero Suit, exposed in all of her glory. She sat down and released all of her hatred.
"Agh! Not another laxative! AAAUUGH!" she clutched her stomach with one hand and covered her breasts with the other.
"Ow! It hurts! Why am I so horny!? Was it a Viagra!? How do I get rid of this?" Snake yelled.
"Urgh! What the!?" Samus noticed that all of her 'brown crayons' were stacking up. "PLASTIC OVER THE TOILET?" She tried to stand, but couldn't. She was stuck. "INVISIBLE GLUE OF THE PLASTIC ON THE TOILET!? MOTHER FUCKER!" she screamed as she desperately tried to stand so she could rip the plastic away. But to no avail did she make any progress. There were several farting noises and sounds of dripping water, her piss falling on the floor. The room slowly filled with the aroma of shit.
"Argh! Samus, this place smells like your crap! So why is it making me harder!? It hurts so bad!" Snake leaned against the wall. The room was about the size of your average kitchen (If you have a big kitchen, then search kitchen in images and look at the first one. You'll get the picture).
Samus started crying, not because she was in too much pain, but because she's shitting herself, especially in front of Snake.
"I can't stand! I can't stop pooping! It's leaking from under me!"
"I can't stand straight! I can't stop being horny! It's sticking straight out!" Snake put his hand in his pants.
"DON'T YOU DARE!"
"I'M JUST RE-ADJUSTING! SHUT UP, YOU DON'T KNOW MY PAIN!"
"YOU SHUT UP! YOU DON'T KNOW MY PAIN! MY BOWEL AND PEE IS ON THE FLOOR AND MY ASS HURTS! WHAT ABOUT YOU HUH? YOU HAVE A LITTLE PAIN 'DOWN THERE'!?"
"SHUT THE HELL UP! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PUSH! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT MINE!"
"NO, YOU SHUT THE HELL UP! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CALM THE FUCK DOWN! I'M CONSTIPATED AND IN PAIN!"
"DON'T TALK TO ME! YOU'RE MAKING IT WORSE!" Snake shouted.
They didn't talk for a while, there was just grunt's and groan's from each other's struggles.
"SNAKE! I'M SORRY!"
"ME TOO! I JUST WANT TO GET RID OF THIS!"
"ME TOO!" The tears kept on flowing down Samus' flushed cheeks. The anxiousness kept flowing out of Snake.
"HOW DID THINGS COME TO THIS!?"
"I DON'T KNOW! I JUST WANT IT TO END! IT'S LIKE HEADS OF CABBAGE IS SHOOTING OUT MY ASS!"
"I WANNA CRY!"
"CRY THEN! IT WON'T MAKE YOU ANY LESS OF A MAN!"
"GOD DAMMIT!"
"GODS DAMMIT!"
And so they cried together. Not bawling, but just letting everything go for a minute.
"SAMUS! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AS MY FRIEND!"
"ME TOO SNAKE! I LOVE YOU!"
"AUGH!"
"URGH!"
The goddesses truly were hard on them.
And, that's going to be it for this chapter. This has been the longest chapter so far. Sorry if it was too long, but I had a lot of space to fill in since I've been gone. Anyways, thank you for supporting this chapter AND this fanfic! Please give some credit to those who gave suggestions, not all the ideas were mine! I wasn't able to cover Madame Claudine a lot in this one, nor was I able to tell about Ike's big discovery. I'll definitely cover it later though! I'll try my best to dish out the next chapter AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! Things are going down quickly, especially with The Boxcars! Will Snake and Samus be able to collect themselves? Will Jigglypuff reunite with the other Boxcars? Will the fourth wall stay intact? NEXT TIME ON HUNTER X HUNTER: BLOOD, BATTLES, AND BOXCARS! See you next time folks!
that is, if anyone's reading of course.