"Start from the beginning, Mother." Drakken said as he sat down in the comfiest-looking chair in the room. "What happened after I left Middleton Institute of Science and Technology?"
They had just arrived to his mother's house - a nice, average-looking house in the middle of a good neighborhood in Lowerton - and Drakken minced no words. He'd practically barged in on his mother with no hello and demanded answers. Though they were more vague than this last, better one, such as "What in the world?" and "Who could have done it?".
As the others found their seats on the spare chair and the couch, his mother said, "Why, you transferred to another school! It was…" She tilted her head as she tried to remember. Failing, she waved her hand and said, "I don't remember where, but it was somewhere not close! Leaving his poor mother all on her lonesome like that…"
Drakken cringed. "Well, Mother, you know how important education was to me!"
"Unlike now," Shego said, apparently unable to keep from throwing a barb out even now.
He snorted. "You're one to talk! Mocking my attempts to go back to college..."
"I have a degree!" she shot back.
"Drakken! Shego! Can you two just focus right now?" Ron said, unusually serious. "This is really important and stuff, right?"
The two looked between them before simultaneously flopping back in their seats. "Yeah…" they sulked together
"Good." Kim gave her boyfriend a warm smile. How he knew how to disarm those two she wasn't sure, but it was impressive nonetheless.
"Anyway, while he was there he met a girl…"
Drakken gaped. "What do you mean I met a girl! You've never told me anything like tha-.."
"Drewbie! You know better than to interrupt your dear old mother like that!" she tsked.
"I'm, ah, sorry, Mother," he sputtered. Shego couldn't quite hold in the snicker.
"That's better." Mama Lipsky sniffed. "He met a girl, and she was a monster. Told my dear lil' Drewbie not to listen to his dear mother. Even after he asked for help from me! And, eventually, he listened! Told me off and to never be in his life again! Just like that!"
Drakken looked distinctly uncomfortable. "I don't remember any of this…"
"And I prefer not to either, dear," his mother soothed. "It was just a rough patch in our lives, that's all."
"Why did I do that?" he asked, clearly completely at a loss.
"You got her pregnant," his mother supplied.
Silence.
"What," Drakken uttered.
"What?" his mother parroted. "What do you mean 'what'?"
"You mean to tell me that I'm a father and you didn't tell me?!"
"Oh dear, no!" his mother pshawed. "If you'd actually been a father, you would've told your dear mother, of course! No, I'm willing to bet that that tramp strung you along and lured you to being beaten and abused by the upperclassmen."
"After he told you to buzz off?" Shego crossed her arms. "The doc's pretty stubborn…"
"And I'm his mother," she said heavily. "My baby boy wouldn't have stayed mad at me forever. He knows how important grandbabies are to me!"
"So, how did dear ol' Drewbie end up back in your life?" the green woman asked.
"Well, now, that is an unusual story…" Mama Lipsky settled a little in her chair. "You see, I got an anonymous call from someone to check this rather rough location down in lower Lowerton… Said my little boy was there and that he needed me.
"I found my baby boy in a back alley, soaked to the bone! He was completely out of it, and blue to boot…" She growled, "My boy was simply too precious to handle the rough-and-tumble college life. Those animals did that to him. They even had the gall, the gall to leave behind their fraternity badge! Like a calling card!" She spat. "I wasn't about to let it happen again!
"So I took him out of college and nursed him back to health. It was hard, him being a fully-grown man with the mind of a child, but it worked… Eventually…" She looked ashamed. "I didn't want my baby knowing any of this… But you pressed me, dear, so here we are…"
The silence was so beyond awkward.
"So, Mama Lipsky…" It was so, so weird to think that this woman was her grandmother… "...Drew asked for help from you? Before all that, while he was still going to college?"
Mama Lipsky tittered, "Oh yes deary. My little Drewbie wanted some condoms and birth control pills, said his girlfriend didn't have insurance... But I just knew that my baby boy should have a little baby of his own, so I gave him sugar pills and poked condoms!" She then beamed, as if it was the smartest thing in the world to have done.
"So, Mother…" Drakken was rubbing his head, teeth gnashing in anger "...you purposely sabotaged my attempts at birth control so you could have grandchildren?!"
"Well, yes!" She peered at them. "Is that so wrong?"
"YES!" sounded three very perturbed voices. Drakken, Shego, and Kim all had their arms raised in frustration. Ron, for his part, looked confused.
"Okay, should that be taken as a family thing, or just an upset thing?" he asked Rufus. Rufus shook his head and chittered. "Upset thing, gotcha."
"At least now we know why Drakken swore her out of his life," Shego murmured only loud enough for Kim to hear.
"Well congratulations!" Drakken said, hands still raised. "You're a goddamned grandmother!"
"Huh?" Kim had never seen the woman confused, but it looked totally weird. Her face completely scrunched up, her eyebrows so much so that they practically hit her hairline.
"Yeah… About that…" Shego sighed, clearly not wanting to admit anything. But, with Drakken's pronouncement, it was inevitable that she would find out. Waving vaguely at Kim as she thought, the green woman said, "Meet your granddaughter, Kimmie."
The gobsmacked expression looked a lot more natural on her. It was as if the woman had never been confused in her life! With her laissez faire attitude, it was no wonder, really.
"My what now?" She blinked several times, looking between the two women.
"Hi…" Kim lamely waved, biting her lower lip as she suddenly felt self-conscious. "I'm Kim Possible. I, ah…" She swallowed, trying to make the foreign words feel less so. "I'm Drakken and Shego's daughter."
For a moment, quiet solid enough that one could've heard a pin drop.
"OH MY STARS I'M A GRANDPARENT!" Mama Lipsky jumped from her chair and practically tackled Kim back into hers. A million questions a minute started erupting from the woman.
"How did this happen?"
"How old are you?"
"Where have you been?"
"What kind of cookies are your favorite?"
"When do you think you'll have your own babies?"
Oh boy. This was going to be a busy evening...
After what felt like forever, Mama Lipsky finally let the four of them go… After getting a 'family' picture. Neither Kim nor Shego had the energy - or care - to actually smile for it. The older woman didn't seem to mind, though, calling it a 'family trait'.
Just as she was about to close the door, a thought popped into Kim's head. "Wait. You said a fraternity badge was still on him?"
Her grandmother's expression clouded. "Yes, I did! I thought 'How dare they do that to him!', but when I tried to look up what it was for, I couldn't find anything!"
"Any chance you still have it?" Shego asked. Kim side-eyed her, glad she wasn't the only one thinking what she was.
"Oh yes!" Mama Lipsky turned and trotted back into the house. "Give me a moment to find it!"
"Trust me, if she didn't have it I would've been shocked," Drakken deadpanned. "She still has the macaroni pictures I made from when I was in kindergarten!"
After only a minute, she returned, waving around a small patch. "Here it is! Right where I left it, in Drew's old college stuff."
"Swell," Shego said, snatching the patch from the woman. Her eyebrows shot up as she looked at it. Biting her lip, she muttered, "Things just got a lot more complicated…"
"How in the world could they be more complicated than they are now!?" Drakken asked. Kim was wondering that herself.
"Take a look." The green woman held the patch out for the other three to see.
"Wee…" Ron squinted his eyes. "Weird letter things for a fraternity. Is it French?"
"Not 'wee', Ron. WEE." Kim's eyes narrowed. "Worldwide Evil Empire…"
A/N: If you stick with it after this, you're a saint. Don't worry, everything will be explained. Eventually.