I had dreaded 3pm all day but here it was. The couch was only a two seater so there was no choice but to sit in quite close proximity to one another.
"I'm glad you could make it Arizona. I'm Dr. Porter" she exclaimed as she shot out a hand which Arizona reflectively shook. "I've heard so much about you, it's nice to finally put a face to the name."
"I'm sure by now you know me better than I know myself" Arizona chuckled nervously.
"So. We only have an hour so let's jump right into it then" the good Doctor said as she flicked through her notes. "Arizona… Firstly. Why did you decide to come finally? I know Callie has extended this invite to you many times over the years and you have always shot it down. So why now?"
"No easing into it I see" she said as she glanced at me briefly. I couldn't bring myself to look back. "I dano. I really don't."
"Well how about we talk about the cheating" she suggested after that. I felt my body tighten.
"I can't do this" Arizona said abruptly as she jumped to her feet.
"Arizona" I called after her as I headed towards the door where she was now standing. "Please" I whispered quietly so only she could hear. "I want us to do this so we can forget about all this stuff. The human body sometimes gets worse in order to get better. That's us right now." My whisper so quiet that even she had to move closer to hear it.
I reached out and grabbed Arizona's hand. She was stiff and reluctant at first but she finally let her hand loosen in mine, a sign that she would stay. I lead her back to the couch and we both sat down.
"I'm not trying to attack you Arizona but these are things that you and Callie need to work through if you plan to move forward."
"Everything I say to that question seems like an excuse but really there is no excuse for cheating on Callie. I was tired. I was tired of all the drama that came with losing my leg and Lauren was there, drama free." Arizona explained. "It was dumb, it was a mistake and I wish it had never happened" she added on.
"Is there anything that Callie could have done to stop you, to prevent you from cheating?"
"It wasn't Callie's fault. None of it was Callie's fault."
I sat in silence as I listened to Arizona and Dr. Porter talk about all the things that bothered me. Sometimes I chirped up and sometimes Arizona and I talked. There were a few times that got quite heated and we ended up yelling. I tried to stay calm but there were some moments that I thought back too and I just remember the overwhelming anger that flooded my body. Maybe Arizona felt the same.
"Before we go, I want to talk to you both about your relationship" Porter said as she put her notepad aside and crossed her left leg over her right. "I know that no matter what I say you two are gonna have to see one another. You have a daughter together. If I can't stop you from dating, then can I suggest this. No sex. Sex will complicate things and it'll cloud both your judgements when it comes to dealing with all this stuff in the past. I wasn't sure we could save this marriage but I was wrong. We can. But you both still have a lot of things to work through to get there so I'll say it again. NO SEX!"
Arizona and I left the room in silence. Neither of us really knew what to say. I didn't feel much like going out tonight but I guess that was the point of the date to start with. Not letting the bad interfere with the good.
"Thank you for coming" I said as I stopped in the middle of the hallway that would part us in separate directions. "I know it was tough in there, I just want you to know it's tough for me too."
Arizona forced a smile on her lips, the kind of smile that understood but couldn't bring herself to really smile. "Tonight?" she questioned. "Do you still want to go out?" she asked unsure of what my answer might be.
I stepped forward and I pushed a strand of hair from her face, "Just because we fight in there doesn't mean I don't want you out here."
Arizona's eyes flipped closed at the touch of my hand against her face. "That feels nice" she whispered quietly.
"I'll pick you up at 8" I said quietly as I pressed my lips to her head, my eyes closing briefly as I did. I went to leave when I heard Arizona call me back.
"Do you love me?" she asked. I felt confused by the question. Of course I did. "I mean really really love me. Love me more than you hate me."
I took her face in my hands and I kissed her lips, a nice long peck. "I love you so god damn much" I whispered against her lips. "Just wait for tonight. It'll make all this crap feel better" I reminded her before kissing her one last time and leaving.
Later came quickly. Despite everything that had happened earlier that day there was already a feeling of relief washing over me. Maybe it was the fact we were actually trying. Maybe it was the fact we were going out tonight. Either way, I was feeling confident that after all the crap we had been through that we might be able to get through the other side.
I arrived at Arizona's house just after 8. I dropped little miss Sofia off at Meredith's on my way through. I walked up the small flight of stairs to get to the front door of Arizona's house and I knocked, waiting patiently for Arizona to answer the door. Arizona answered the door frantically while putting in her last earing and slipping into her high heels. "Hey babe" she said as she finished putting herself together, ran to apply lipstick and headed back towards me. When Arizona had finally calmed down she stood before me and she smiled her head tilting slightly to the side, "Wow, you are so beautiful" she said in a sincere tone.
I wore a long length red dressed that hugged my body in all the flattering places. I wore tall stiletto heels which were inappropriate for most events. I had informed Arizona of a dress code for this evening so she was looking absolutely radiant. She wore a strapless navy blue floor length dress that flared at the end, it was basic but so elegant. "You look…" I paused for a moment in search of the right word to describe how beautiful she was but I couldn't find one that properly matched my feelings. "You look stunning" I finally said as I reached out and took her hand.
"Where are we going Callie?" Arizona asked as she took the step out of the house with my support, swung around and locked the door behind her.
"You'll just have to wait and see won't you my dear" Callie said in a playful tone, the slightest of chuckles rolling from her mouth.
We headed downtown and were caught in traffic. All down the streets were other elegant people walking arm in arm with their partners towards a massive white building up ahead. I knew it wouldn't be long before Arizona figured out where we were going.
"Are you taking me to a gay pride event?" Arizona asked in a slightly shocked tone. Never ever did Arizona think she would see the day.
"Well kind of. Not really. Just wait and find out" I repeated as I placed my left hand on her thigh while I drove slowly through the traffic in search of a carpark. Being with Arizona, touching Arizona, loving Arizona was so easy and natural. When we were together I completely forgot that we were divorced or we had all these problems waiting for us inside a therapist's office. When we were together, it was just her and I and all the love we had together.
We finally found a carpark and had joined the crowds of couples heading towards the massive hall. Inside the hall was a live art exhibition that displayed real life gay models. I wasn't one hundred percent sure what I was getting myself into but I knew it was something that Arizona would appreciate. We walked hand in hand down the street, it was the kind of environment where we could be openly gay without fear of backlash.
"How did you know I wanted to come to this so bad?" Arizona asked as she held my arm tightly and kissed my shoulder.
"I know you" I responded as our lips met for a brief encounter. "I did some research before I got tickets and Les Carter is one of the art exhibitions. You always said you'd love to see her naked. Now you will" I joked.
"Eeeeek" Arizona squealed in an excited tone.
"Maybe you'll get the Les Carter kiss after all" I said as the smile that was on my lips grew.
The room was so bright from the large chandeliers that hung inside the beautiful building. Couples of all genders and sexual orientations examined the exhibits with fascination. Arizona and I came across the first exhibit and we observed for a moment or two before speaking. The first piece was two men exploring one another's defined muscles continuously.
"Roma and Pedro are a gay couple from Mexico that have been the subject of hate for years for their choice in love. When asked what they hate most about being gay Pedro responded 'the fact I can't touch my man in public without fear'. This piece of art is Pedro and Roma's chance to express their love publically for not only themselves but also for all those gay couples who live in fear of PDA." I read it aloud to Arizona. Most couples were then turning to their partners and participating in PDA.
Arizona and I shared a kiss like all those surrounding us before venturing on to the next piece art. We went around most of the exhibit before finally arriving in front of the piece Arizona and consequently I had been waiting to see. The main attraction was Les Carter, a beautiful dark haired lesbian who had publically come out as gay after her burst of fame as a model. Les had been Arizona's girl crush for as long as I knew her. I remember one occasion while we were on holiday 4 years ago telling her to picture me as Les. We were spicing things up and decided to partake in some role play. I had blind folded her and I touched every inch of her body as Les in attempt to arouse her. It seemed almost surreal that we were both now standing in front of her.
I stood behind Arizona my hands around her waist as we both watched Les Carter make out with another woman. I looked at the art blurb and I read it quietly to Arizona and I. "Since coming out publicly in 2008 Les Carter has made it her mission to normalize gay relationships. This piece is an internationally renowned piece of art that has caught political attention and formed a movement called, 'we all kiss, I just kiss a girl'." I pressed my lips to Arizona's ear lightly before settling my eyes back on Les who passionately kissed a beautiful blonde woman. I suspected this sort of art show would make me feel awkward or even a little on edge but it was moving, the slowness and the sincerity of every movement was encouraging and empowering. It made me love Arizona publically and more proudly.
We snacked, drunk a little bit of wine, watched art and participated in PDA which was definitely a rare and exciting thing for the both of us. We hung around afterwards for the meet and greets. Arizona was dead set on meeting Les. I was eating crackers and hummus alone at the food table when I heard my name being called. I glanced up to see Arizona standing beside Les at the main stage. Les waved. I swallowed the cracker in my hand and headed over.
Arizona took my hand as I appeared close and she squeezed it tightly out of excitement. "This is her" Arizona said as a form of introduction.
"Hello Callie, I'm Les. Arizona was just telling me all about you." She said as we shook hands.
"That surprises me. She has dreamed of meeting you for as long as I have known her and the last thing I thought she would ever say is, 'Hey, meet my wife'." I stopped immediately. I realised what I had said. I couldn't take it back now.
"Well I'm a big fan of yours. It is my goal to be brave, proud and in love enough to marry my soul mate. Despite gender, race, culture or sexual orientation. I want to look at someone the way you two look at one another." Les said sincerely. "I should probably move on and say my hello's but it was seriously awesome to meet you both."
"Les. Before you go. Could I get a picture of you and Arizona together?"
Less smiled and nodded. I released Arizona's hand, reached for my phone and took a step back as Les and Arizona prepared for a photo. I started snapping pictures of the two standing side by side, then Les planted a kiss to Arizona's lips. It didn't bother me, that was what Les was famous for. Les said goodbye and I put my phone away only to see Arizona still standing there in shock. I laughed before heading towards her. "Kissing me is never going to be the same is it" I chuckled as we joined the cue of couples that were packing up and heading home.
We drove back to Arizona's house and I walked her in. She had a large smile plastered across her face and had this intoxicating happiness that radiated from her. I closed the front door behind her and I watched Arizona slip off her heals and place her bag down. Arizona headed towards me and without saying anything she grabbed my hand and lead me towards the bedroom.
"We shouldn't" I repeated quietly.
"No sex" Arizona assured me.
I released Arizona's hand as I watched her scramble up onto the bed.
"Les Carter has you all hot and bothered" I teased.
Arizona leant forward and took my hand before pulling me onto the bed beside her, "no" she whispered, "you do".
I flicked off my heels and I slowly edged my way onto the side of her body. I propped myself up with my left arm and I placed my right hand on her waist as I stared into her eyes. She was so beautiful.
"Thank you for tonight" she said as she brought her hand up to my face and pushed my hair back behind my ears. "I know that wasn't your scene and I know you hate PDA but I appreciate everything about tonight" she said in a calming tone.
I stared for a bit longer before I lowered my face down and I kissed her lips. The kiss was soft and loving. I felt the kiss deepen and slowly Arizona's body moved to the back of my dress. I knew where this was going. I pulled my lips from hers and I buried my face into her shoulder. "Arrrg" I grumbled.
Arizona knew what I was upset about so instead of saying anything she just held me. "We can just lie here" she whispered as she kissed the side of my face. "I love lying with you" she added.