What's up what's up!? Yay! I'm on time for once! Welcome to the finale! There's another chapter coming after this one, but here's the finale, like I just said!
Mr. BramStoker, thanks for favoriting! Welcome to the party!
Ecenema: Yeah, sorry. I know I didn't get to all of your and others pranks, but I tried to use as many as I could while also being creative as well! But they were still and are appreciated! Glad to make ya laugh! It's what I try to do!
Guest: Thank you, thank you! Moved me to tears (joking), it was so glorious! Welcome to the party dearest!
Dragoncatswag: Thanks for following the story! Means quite a bit! Welcome to the party!
XShinkuKikinX: I thought I had lost you! It's been a while since I've heard from ya! Sorry you had to wait a while, I'm working with school and stuff, but hell, good to hear from ya! I hope you enjoy reading again! And thank you!
TheShadowStarr27: Thanks sis, hope you enjoy this one as well!
Thanks to Groundon for the final suggestion! I hope you guys enjoy reading! I worked very hard just for you darling!...Too weird? I'm just going to go now...
Vs Anal Destroyer 9000
6:33 pm
Gladiator Pit
There was nothing but silence across the pit. The machine was slowly glancing at every individual smasher. Pretty much everyone was here.
"SCANNING." it began to read every single one of them. Roy snapped out of his fear and shook his head.
"Guys! We gotta act now! It's going to read our moves if we don't!" he shouted. Everyone seemed to be in a trance. He looked at Snake and Samus. "Guys?" they were speechless. "Fine! Forget it, I'll go by myself!" Roy ran forward. The machine immediately locked on to him. Fifteen guns revealed themselves and loaded with Rocket-propelled grenades. Red lasers positioned themselves on Roy's forehead.
"Oh...Uh...How ya doin?" Roy smiled. The machine fired the rockets. Roy nearly shit his pants.
"Oh shit!" His feet skid on the ground as he began to run. A large rock with a green hat seemed to grab Roy and roll out of the way. The smashers dove and jumped away from the missiles. Except for Pit. Pit jumped IN the way.
"Eat this!" he pulled out his guardian orbitars to reflect the back. The machine directed the missiles around him and into each other. The explosion engulfed the angel.
"Oh no! Pit!" Robin gasped. Out of the ashes, Pit flew.
"Don't worry, I'm fine-" a claw grabbed Pit out of the sky. "Gah!" It pulled him into a canon and closed. The large rock dropped Roy to the ground. It uncurled and turned out to be a goron.
"A goron? Where did you come from?" he asked. The goron facepalmed. Young Link removed the goron mask and waved. "Oh, hi buddy. Let's kick this things ass!" The canon launched Pit into Roy and Young Link. Pit's knee collided with their faces and were sent rolling into a wall. Marth watched in awe.
"Well, on the bright side, you'd be dead if that was Captain Falcon." he shrugged. The machine punched the ceiling with its massive hands. Pieces of rock began to fall everywhere.
"Guys! Team attack formation!" Ryu shouted. He grabbed Shulk's legs, who grabbed Sheik, who grabbed Game and Watch. Ryu spun in large circles, He slowly went faster and faster. "Sonic, come in now!" he yelled.
"It's about time." he smirked. He ran in even larger circles around them, kicking up dust while doing so. There was a blue blur around them.
"It the ultimate tornado of doom! Come on, let's-a go!" Wario stated. He jumped into the forming tornado.
"Yeah! That there is what I'm talking about! Now's a good time for," wait for it…"GORDO!" King Dedede started to throw several spiky gordos into the tornado. Anal Destroyer 9000 turned both of it's heads towards them. It pulled back it's arms with the hammers.
"Oh crap, we need a distraction!" Lucas trembled. Bullets were firing. One of the heads turned in the other direction. Snake had an M16 and was letting all hell loose.
"Yeah asshole, look over here." he muttered. His ammo ran short. After the gun clicked, he threw it at the beast. "Alright, I'm out of ideas." The machine stared at Snake. It bitch slapped him across the room. He tumbled into the ground.
"Guys, our distraction is gone!" Lucas informed. Once the tornado was ready, Lucas hit himself with a PK thunder and flew inside.
Ryu: "Ready,"
Sonic: "Set,"
Everyone: "GO!" Ryu threw the Mighty Smasher Ladder™ (damn right there's a trademark. Mine.) into the machine. Ryu was spinning like a spin top right next to it. Anal Destroyer 9000 held up three of its hands. He spun in his own circle and swatted the shit out of the Mighty Smasher Ladder™. They all flew to the ground, bruised, battered, and broken.
"Well that shit didn't work." Said captain obvious. I mean Pittoo. "You guys are amateurs. You need to find a weak spot first. Morons." For once, he was right. The idiot's eyes began to dart back and forth to find something he could expose. The canon seemed to be loosely attached. If they could break that off, he could theoretically get inside and destroy it, or turn it off. "Guys, aim for that canon!" He pointed. Nobody was listening. They were mainly picking themselves off the ground and groaning.
"Ow, right in the dick…" Sheik punched the ground.
"What!?" Pittoo put a hand over his mouth.
"I'm joking you twat."
"Thank god. I just got turned off for no reason then." he focused back on the monster. "If you fools won't help me, I'll just go myself."
You know what nearly happened to the last guy that said that.
Dark Pit jumped off of a fallen rock and flew right at Anal Destroyer 9000. "My turns bitches! God I missed this action!" A.D. 9000 swung at him with a hammer. Pittoo landed on his arm. "You're going to have to try a little harder than this!" he smiled. The anti-angel began to run on his arm. Guns aimed at him, launching all hell. "Really? That's it? Talk about hyperbole." Dark Pit yawned and pulled out his guardian orbitars. The bullets reflected off and hit A.D. 9000's face. It growled and swung his arm. Pittoo jumped off and onto the canon. "Oh yeah! Jackpot!" He swung his swords into the base of the canon. It was a bit sturdier than he thought, but he eventually got it off. There was a tiny hole.
"Damn it, I can't fit in th-" before he could finish, the claw hand grabbed him and tossed him into the air. It's tail opened and started charging.
"We gotta get him out of there or he'll die!" Samus looked at Charizard. He raised an eyebrow.
…
Samus was on Charizard's back flying towards Pittoo. Charizard was swearing in pokemon language under his breath.
"FULLY CHARGED. ALL LOCKS RELEASED. FIRING…" the tail said. "IMMA FIRIN MA LASE-BLLLARRRRGGG!" A large blue laser shot at Pittoo. He actually did shit his pants.
"Not like this! The world's going to be so less sexy without me!" he cried. Before he was blasted to oblivion, Charizard swooped in and snatched him out of the sky. "Oh thank satan!" he said.
"Hold on tight!" Samus looked over her shoulder. His innocent face looked back before turning mischievous. "You know what I mean." she said in disgust. Charizard lowered them to the ground.
"What the hell is that smell?" Link asked. Dark Pit quickly hopped off of Charizard and ran towards the door.
"TOON LINK! OPEN THE DOOR!" he shouted. The speaker cut on.
"No can do buddy. Only people can go in, not go out. Why are you trying to leave?" Ness responded. Pittoo looked around with gritted teeth. Everybody was attacking the robot.
"Look you little shit. I just crapped on myself and I really need to go home and change!" he growled. Mewtwo was looking at him. "You got something to say, mutant!?" Mewtwo waved his hand and Dark Pit face planted into the door. The speaker right next to the door released snickers and laughter. The anti-angel's face flushed red.
"Okay, I can't open the door, but I can provide you with a complementary hint on how to beat Anal Destroyer 9000." Ness shyly said. Dark Pit folded his arms and pouted.
"FIne, but it's not what I wanted."
"Look at it's second head. On the back of its neck is a lever that will shut off it's regenerative abilities. You don't have to, but it sure is a step in the right direction." he said. The speaker shut off.
"Well this is just goddamn perfect. Nothing we're doing matters until we turn that switch off." To make matters worse, the canon that Pittoo broke was back. "Hey! Pit, come over here!" Pit helped Mega Man toss Falcon into the air, who delivered a powerful knee that knocked one of A.D. 9000's arm off. Pit looked over and waved. "No dumbass," Pittoo mumbled and sighed. "Come here!" Pit slowly flew over.
"What's up Pittoo? Do you smell that too?" Pit asked, putting a hand over his nose.
"Don't call me Pittoo! Man, as soon as I get my end of the deal from that goddess bitch...Anyway! There's a switch on the back of the second head's neck. It will shut off it's regeneration. Go get it."
"One, how do you know that? Two, how come I gotta do it?" Pit fussed. Dark Pit grinded his teeth in frustration.
"One, I just got a hint from tweedle dickhead over here. And two…" he signaled him to come closer. You could imagine what he whispered in his ear.
"Look, if you had to use the bathroom before you got here-"
"Keep your voice down moron! Just go get the damn switch!" he growled. Pit nodded and jumped back onto the robot. There were explosions and screams everywhere. And then there was this asshole who was sitting down.
A.D. 9000's arm had regenerated. Falcon's jaw hit the ground.
"B-but didn't I just-"
"He can regenerate! We've got to hit the switch on the back of its ne-" Pit began to bloat and inflate. A.D. 9000 seems to have hit him with a P balloon. Pit blew up like a balloon and floated in the air. He couldn't speak; his lips were too puckered. Now you know how Mario feels. Link couldn't help but chuckle. Now was the golden opportunity to get the attention from Zelda he wanted.
"Hey Zel!" he snickered. She didn't turn her head, but he could tell that she shifted her eyes in his direction. "Talk about a l-hmph!" Link was then also hit with a p balloon. Zelda 'hmph'ed and turned her head. Robin whispered to Robin.
"What the hell is her problem?" she asked him. He shrugged.
"Hell if I know. Look out!" He jumped over a rocket fist that found it's target in the other Robin's chest. Robin (I'll start specifying now) looked around for any other incoming projectiles. "Sis, you alright?" She was on the ground, groaning.
Bowser had an idea. He looked up to see two sturdy looking balloons in the air. He jumped up and climbed on the green looking one, slowly floating upwards. There was also a whitish one that he jumped on. He heard an internal scream. Ignoring it, he pulled something out of his back pocket and held it up into the air.
"Oh, well look at that." Rosalina said, looking up. Her Luma was smacked into oblivion. Snake and Samus looked up too. Their pupils dilated.
A giant mushroom.
"NO BOWSER! DON'T YOU DO IT!" Lucina screamed at the top of her lungs. She wasn't there the first time, but she had definitely heard.
"Bowser, I swear to god I'll whoop your ass if you pull that shit again!" Samus gritted her teeth. The others looked back in confusion. Meta Knight watched silently. With all this commotion, A.D. 9000 turned both it's heads into Bowser's direction. The Koopa King was smiling.
"Hey everyone, mind telling me what you're talking about?" Palutena called down. She was tightly gripped by the machine's left hand. Well, all of its left hands. Which one is the left one? Before Snake could answer her question, Bowser jumped up and ate the giant mushroom. He slowly became bigger and bigger. And I don't mean fat, I mean HUGE. He became just as large as the machine. There were cries of terror and screams as the smashers began to all run towards the door. Ganondorf pounded on it with both of his fists.
"Open this damn door!" he growled through the speaker. Toon Link and Ness couldn't respond, they were laughing too hard.
"Hahaha! Guys! We can't open the door unless somebody is coming in! That's a meter of solid steel, you can't get through that! I mean, maybe if Bayonetta were here, but she's not." Toon Link's contagious smile radiated out of the speaker.
"Bayonetta!? We don't need her! Why would you when ya got me around!?" King Dedede nudge a frustrated Ganondorf out of the way. The king held up his hammer and the mechanics inside began to work furiously as sparks began flying.
"Not to nag, but you need to go faster!" Robin (F) nagged. Dedede ignored her as he charge his hammer up longer. Snake turned around to see a fully grown Bowser falling through the sky in belly flop position.
"Shit, just hit it already!" he nagged. The king groaned in anger and swung the hammer. There was an enormous clanging sound that rung throughout the air, leaving everyone semi-deaf. Captain Falcon clamped his ears as his whole head was spinning.
"Pika-pi!" Pikachu informed.
"Now's not the time Pikachu!" Lucario shouted back.
"Pi-"
"Not now!" Mostly everyone yelled. Pikachu was trying to tell them that Bowser was getting his ass kicked and they weren't going to explode in fire. There was a large dent in the door. Roy, who was eager to not die, shoved past Dedede.
"I got this!" he rubbed his hands together. "Open sesame!"
"You dumbass! That ain't gonna wor-" before Corrin could finish, the door began to open.
"Yes! I did it!"
"That wasn't you. Someone is here." Sheik pointed behind the shadow as the door grumbled open.
"Hell yeah! I'm out of here!" Snake didn't want to fight the machine anymore. His leg hurts. Pikachu looked back. Bowser punched the machine back. He spit a large fireball into the air.
Now it's time to be scared.
"Go guys!" WFT shouted. They all started jumping and flipping through the door.
"Guys! Where are you going!?" Ness yelled through the speaker. By the time he asked, Yoshi was the only one left.
"Yoshi!" he said and left.
"Did...did he just call me fat?" Ness was heartbroken.
Palutena was still in the machines grip.
"WAIT! DON'T LEAVE ME! PLEASE!" the door began to shut. The fireball was on its way down. Bowser jumped up high and collided with the fireball, once again getting into belly flop position. Tears shot out of the goddess as she reached for the door as a last attempt.
"Run! He's going to kill us all!" Roy screamed while in the halls. They had all escaped the pit, what was he so afraid of? The door was still open. Someone was heading down the hall. That's probably why it open. The man was panting, sweat dripping from his forehead and sparkling on his blue hair. All Robin (F) needed was one glimpse in order for her whole day to light up again. Then Samus.
Both: "I-Ike!? What the hell are you doing here!?" They looked at each other and looked back. Roy's head snapped into their direction when he heard that name.
"Ike?" he asked. Ike ran a hand through his hair as he wheeled down to the others. Wheelchairs are tiring.
"What's going on guys?" he grinned. They all had terrified looks on their faces. "What's in that door?"
"We've got to get out of here or we'll be roasted!" Samus yelled. Ike peeked through the door. He became sick to the stomach.
"For the love of fucking naga not again!" he screeched, jet propelling himself in the other direction. Literally. He has controllable rocket propulsion gadgets on his wheelchair thanks to a certain left hand. Bowser fell onto A.D. 9000 and smashed him into the ground, sounding an explosion and nuking the entire area. A huge wave of fire blew through the door. Frightened smashers jumped and dodged away and out of the steaming hot flames, desperate not to become cooked chicken. Speaking of which, everybody was hungry as hell. Most of them hadn't even eaten yet that day, with the garlic poison and the lockdown from outside. Pittoo's stomach growled. The air smelled like shit.
In the aftermath of the total carnage, there were dead people-I mean weary smashers lying about the ground. The door had closed and refused to open. You could hear blows of anger and robot sounds on the other side of the door. There were no indications that Palutena, Pit, or Link were alive. Dr. Mario was crying on the ground.
"Oh...why-a did it come to-a this?" he sniffed. I guess he must've been tired. Either that or he stubbed his toe. Samus was near him against the wall, wincing and uttering small grunts of pain. Snake looked around at everybody groaning and whining.
"What a bunch of pussies…" he pulled out a cigarette. An angered Mewtwo waved his hand and sent Snake cartwheeling into the wall. Zelda rubbed her aching back.
"Ugh. This is the worst I've ever felt. Even worse than being stuck in the twilight…" she eyed Ganondorf. He had a huge headache.
"Um...excuse me…?" everyone looked up. Peach nervously looked around. "Link, Pit, and Palutena are still in that room. After the explosion, would they be…?" she hinted at the fact they were dead. Nobody got the hint and continued to their groans of pain.
"Starting to wish I just stayed in that fucking jail cell...even if the hand was nagging me."
"Is nobody going to question that Ike came here in a wheelchair, then rocket blasted to hell?" Marth asked. There were groans of pain in response. He sighed. Marth's other arm (the non-broken one) hurted pretty bad. It might have been broken. Lucas looked around warily, as if there was something they should've been avoiding right now.
Snake grunted as he sat next to Samus.
"Alright, what did you hurt this time? I haven't heard you bitch like this since the Brawl festival." he mocked. Samus didn't know if he was sarcastic or concerned.
"Shut the fuck up you cun-"
"Hey, there are children around."
"t. It's always a joke with you." she hissed. Snake wasn't expecting that kind of reaction. He put a hand on her shoulder.
"It's good to have a sense of humor at a time like this. Something you could work with. What's wrong? You hurt?" he asked non-sarcastically this time. She sighed and grabbed his hand. She moved it up close to her neck and placed it on a bone, wincing as she did so.
"My collar bone is broken."
"Damn you break easy. So much for chozo dna."
"Motherfu-*ahem* Anal Destroyer 9000 stepped close to me. I dove out of the way and got hit by a rock. One a little larger than your hand. But damn, it hurts now more than ever." she said. Her eyes shut in pain when Snake advanced his hand on her collar.. "Hey, not so rou-" she remembered the dark angel in the room. "Stop that!" she moved away. Snake folded his arms.
"Whatever. Sad story about your wrist and boohoo about your neck." Samus's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Where the hell is my money?" he grinned. She slowly turned her head and looked at him fiercely. He returned the gaze.
Shulk nudged Lucario. He pointed his thumb at Samus and Snake. "You think they gonna make out?" he asked. Lucario looked around and shook his head.
"I would be more concerned about the princess." he whispered.
"Which one?" he looked at Lucina, who was hiding from Villager.
"Princess Peach. You know how she gets when she sees anything that involves potential romance." the two glanced at her. She was staring intently at Samus and Snake. The two were still locked in an intense gaze. Peach was so in her phase that she was nearly sweating hearts and love. Lucario closed his eyes.
"She's giving them THAT look."
"What do you mean by that look?"
"No, THAT look. It's an acronym specifically for Princess Peach. Whenever she sees potential love or romance, she gets, well, like this." You could nearly hear the beating of her heart. "The acronym is: 'The Hearts And Tenderness' look. Came up with it myself." he smirked. Ryu tapped on his shoulder and gave a nod of approval. Snake and Samus smiled and let out a hearty laugh on both ends like a reunion of old friends. The laughter was like a disease, slowly spreading to one and another until it was suddenly a chorus of chuckles. It had been a long day. Everyone slowly settled down with their own respective groups and duos. Robin (F) was yelling at Cloud, Zelda was gossiping about Link with Rosalina, Samus was pulling bills and coins out her wallet, Villager was looking for Lucina, Ike was forgotten, the normal stuff.
"Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Cloud apologized. He still wasn't sure what he said to set Robin (F) off. He just wanted it to stop.
"Sorry!? What do you mean sorry!? I bet you don't even know what you did!" she growled. Cloud put a hand on his head.
"Look, I'm trying to understand, but you need to calm down." oof.
Calm down
Calm down
You done fucked up now
"Calm down!? Who the fuck do you think you are!? I'M PERFECTLY CALM! Maybe if you would stop being a selfish asshole you would actually notice something good happening for a change! But noooo! You're the big and scary quiet guy who carries around a giant sword! I wonder what that's for! Are you compensating for something!?" Cloud sat in silence and put both hands on his head.
"I'm sorry."
"No you're not! You're not! You don't understand a thing do you!?" she growled. He slowly looked up at her. He clearly had distress in his eyes and lines at the corners. He hadn't been sleeping very much, or very well at that. He shook his head. She scoffed in disgust. "This is stupid. Fuck you guys, I'm going home." she turned and marched down the hall. Her pace was quick and stern. She stepped over Duck Hunt and walked away. Robin (F) had pretty much everyone's attention. Sheik's hand shot up, an outstretched middle finger reaching skyward.
"Fuck you too bitch. Right back at you." Mario swatted the back of her head.
"Sheik!"
"What? I didn't even do anything. I'm offended actually." she tried to reason. Marth signaled Cloud from across the room.
"Psst. Cloud." Cloud looked up. "What happened?" Cloud shrugged, literally having no idea or clue what he'd done. He just was glad it was over for now. Down the hall were distant voices.
"Yo, what's up Robi-" there was a shoving sound. "Hey! What the hell is your problem? Sure, just walk away when I'm talking, that's cool. Alright, catch you later, okay?" there was no response. Ike wheeled into the room.
"What's her problem?" he asked.
"No idea man. She's weird like that. One moment, happy as a clam and the next...well…" Robin (M) sighed. Dr. Mario sat down next to Cloud.
"Tough-a break huh buddy?" he rubbed his hands together. Cloud was staring at the ceiling. "I did-a tell you not to bring her along. I did-a say it." Cloud showed no indication of responding. "Yeah. Some-a times it can be difficult having a lot on-a your mind with even-a more piled up. It can be-a healthy to just get those-a things out, you know?" he smiled sadly. Cloud moved his head. "I'm prescribing you with therapy twice a week. Here's-a my card so you know-a where to go. I have a bigger office than the-a one in the mansion outside. Come anytime." he smiled bigger. Cloud looked away. He grabbed the card from the doctor's hand.
"What's my diagnoses?"
"Gonorrhea, depression, and psychosis." he said and stood.
"What?"
"Good-a luck!" Dr. Mario called back. Cloud stared off into the distance, clutching the piece of paper in hand. There were still blows and attacks sounding on the other side of the door.
Later…
"And I said to her, listen, I said to her, 'girl, you need to be rational. There ain't no damn way I'm flying you to another planet. You already got most people hounding after me about how you're doing, or where you've been, and now you trying to escape it all? You've must have lost your damn mind! Helping you fake your death? I'm not dealing with that type of shit!' and then she was like 'As much as I thought I could rely and count on you and then you abandon me when I need you most. Fox, I thought you were the good guy.' and a tear rolled down her cheek. She must've been crazy! So I say, 'Bitch, as much shit as we've been through, you're going to try to say I'm the-'" Captain Falcon held a hand up.
"Hold on, you didn't actually say 'bitch' did you?" he questioned. Fox looked down. Falco shook his head in disapproval.
"Man, let me hear the whole true story."
"That's the story! I just didn't call her a...you know. But after that conversation, she was crying. I was crying! We ended up just leaving it there. But you see where I'm coming from right? I am not putting myself in that situation why Krystal just runs off somewhere else. I don't know why she just doesn't fly herself. That's where I'm drawing the line." Fox told.
"Is she even a real member of the Starfox crew or what!? We can't be having people runnin' back and forth like this is a weakass joke. If you with us, you're with us. Period." Falco chipped in.
"What you need to do is smack some sense into her. There's no way that she should be able to just act like a child whenever she wants. New identity on a new planet for a new start? What the hell is she trying to have a new start for?" Sheik asked, sipping tea. Peach's tea was always so good.
"Yeah, it doesn't even sound like everything that everybody has worked for means anything to her. She's being selfish." Captain Falcon scratched the back of his head.
"Poyo!"
"Yeah Kirby, you have a point. But that's what Peppy was trying to figure out too. I have no idea what she's up to, but I gotta diffuse the situation fast man. I just don't want her to leave and then never see her again. Something is up but I just don't know…" he trailed off. Falco patted him on the back.
"Stuff should turn out alright. I'm sure of that much, but it's gonna be an uphill battle. It's cool man." Fox nodded.
"I still think you should slap the bitch." Sheik added. Fox looked up.
"You have a weird way of doing things Sheik." he replied. Kirby wasn't too sure what was going on, but he was happy anyway. Falcon grunted.
"Say, how long is Bowser going to take in there? I still haven't forgotten what Toon Link and Ness have done today. And I got the perfect punishment too." he smirked. His smile flashed the light into Falco's eyes.
"Gah! Damn dude, how much to you brush!?"
The door began to growl open. It scraped the walls and spewed dust. Samus hopped to her feet at the sudden attention. The lights were off and it was very dark in the gladiator's pit.
"What the hell is in there?" Ike asked, only to be shushed by everyone. It was quiet.
"Did Bowser get rekt?" Roy asked. Nobody stepped into the room.
"Who's going fir-"
"YAAAAAAAAHHH!" Double L ran inside the dark room, swinging his sword furiously with a loud battle cry.
"After him!" cried Snake. Everybody ran in (except Ike and Bowser Jr., who were using their own respective vehicles) the dark room, howling like monkeys and attacking in every direction. There were bullets, bombs, knifes and all sorts of things flying into the air.
"Calm down everybody! Calm down!" Ness's voice sounded on the speaker. The lights slowly turned on to reveal Bowser beating a pile of mechanical rubble, despite it not showing any signs of life. Palutena, Pit and Link were dead-I mean lying on the ground, seeming to be sleeping. Link was on the bottom and was being used as a pillow by Palutena and Pit. Bowser was normal size now, but still punching a piece of broken metal.
"Hey, knock off the racket will you Bowser? I'm trying to get a quick power nap in please…" Pit rolled on his side, face to face with Link's ass. He quickly awoke and jumped up. "Gross! LInk your butt is super flat!" Link jumped awake and rolled over, making Palutena hit her head on the floor.
"Bitch! I'm thicc thank you!" Link retorted. Palutena was rubbing her noggin.
"Hey! That hurt!" before she continued, the speaker sounded again.
"Yo, Ness here. That was probably the most pathetic attempt at anything I've ever seen out of you guys. Don't you think we put a lot of time into that? Because we did. And now Bowser went big and broke it nearly beyond repair. Not even the reassemble button is working. I wanted a show, not a game! Why do you think we've been recording this the whole time?" Samus remembered the treadmill grill room. "I'm very disappointed in all of you. Except for Bowser. MVP award to you my man." Ness said. Bowser looked up then went back to beating metal. "I'm going to open the doors, but I won't be happy about it. See ya." Two hidden doors opened up to reveal a boy in green and a boy with a red hat. Donkey Kong and Wii Fit Trainer were on them in a second, beating them into oblivion. Donkey Kong picked up the boy with the red hat and slammed him into the ground, sending paper mache everywhere.
"Ha! Did you guys really think it was us? Pranked!" Toon Link giggled. Donkey Kong smacked the fake Toon Link across the room. "Jeez, calm down. Just walk through the doors and you get to see our super secret lab!" The speaker shut off. Samus looked at Snake.
"You ready?"
"More than ever." he replied. He put a hand up to open it when a large rumbling occured. The ground shook. "Great, what now!?" they looked back at the door they came from. Robin (F) was barreling down the hall, running from what looked like a giant cheese ball.
"Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" she cried. She was the slowest person in the whole mansion and the cheese ball was catching up quick. She was slowly heading towards them. Snake facepalmed. "Anybody want to help her?" Falcon volunteered, but only because nobody else would do it. Not even her brother. As a matter of fact, he was eager to watch her get squished.
"Wooh! Get the popcorn!" he shouted.
"Donkey Kong! Throw me!" Captain Falcon ordered. Donkey Kong nodded his head.
"Okay!" He picked up Falcon and slung him at the cheese ball. "Groh!"
"Get ready for a Falcon prototype move! Red Falcon-" Falcon began to light on fire. He straightened out his body.
"Somebody help me already!" Robin (F) dashed into the room, cheese ball hot on her heels.
"MISSILE!" Falcon blasted forwards, fire blasting with him. He crashed through the cheese ball, sending yellow-orange dust in the air.
"So awesome!" Shulk's eyes flashed.
"He cheated. He had DK's help." Roy scoffed and folded his arms. Corrin rolled his eyes. The female tactician was on her hands and knees, sweat dripping from her head and neck.
"T-thanks…" rather than receiving a response that made sense, instead Falcon was rolling on the ground in pain.
"GAH! IT GOT IN MY EYES! IT BURNS!" Snake ignored his screams and turned back towards the door.
"Can we go now?" Ike asked. "This day needs to end. Right now." Snake pushed his hand on the doors. They screeched open, revealing blue light and illuminating everyone's souls. There was a huge screen showing many other tv screens, more than likely what they were being watched on. The room was full of mechanical equipment that was very hard to understand. At least, it was without the proper knowledge. Ness was leaning on a big chair, playing with a yo-yo. There were claps as the chair began to turn around. Ness leaned up. Toon Link was sitting in the big chair, wearing MLG pro gamer shades.
"Well well well. If it isn't Toon Link and Ne-" Ness threw a koopa shell at Snake, hitting him and making him fall over.
"Sorry, but Toon Link gets to monologue first." he said. Toon Link took off the shades and tossed them to the side. The shades cried in agony as they were abandoned.
"Looks like you guys finally caught up huh? Not going to lie, I wish today never ended. We've been planning for so many years and finally. It happened. Best day ever. My plans didn't fully go the way I wanted, with us missing several opportunities to prank and/or film. But we got most of them in, so I'm pretty happy." he smiled wide.
"I understand one innocent prank Toon Link, but a whole day?" Rosalina interrupted. Ness grabbed another koopa shell.
"Let him monologue! Don't interrupt!" he fussed. Rosalina sighed.
"I would go through and say how pathetically all of you performed today, but seeing we're six feet away from each other, that doesn't seem like the best idea. But with all of the footage I got, I'm planning on releasing a movie. I'll call it, 'Toon Link's Prank Day'! What do you thin-"
A needle flew into Ness and Toon Link's necks, paralysing and knocking them out instantly. Sheik picked both of them up and began walking out the door.
"Eat shit you guys, I win." she pushed past Lucina and Pac-man and began heading out the gladiator pit.
"Hey! That's no fair Sheik!" Samus and Snake protested simultaneously. She turned around.
"Hey. Eye on the prize sweetheart. I've been tracking these two since 5:00 am and if you thought you would seriously get them before me, you're sorely mistaken. Stay focused next time if you want to call yourself a top tier." she said and walked out. They watched her with dropped jaws. It only took a second for everybody to start reacting.
"OOOOOH!"
"GET REKT! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!"
"OWNED! YOU JUST GOT OWNED!"
"DEDEDESTROYED!"
"ROASTED LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY!"
"SCRUB! DEKU SCRUB!"
"FUCKING ANNIHILATED!"
"YOU GOT NOTHING SON! YOU GOT NOTHING!"
The Boxcars had hands over their faces.
"Let's just go home Snake." Samus grabbed his hand and lead him through the crowd. Falcon was still rolling on the ground in pain.
EPILOGUE
It was seven-ish o' clock and the smashers were all walking back home. Sheik had a distant lead on the others and planned on keeping it that way. They chatted amongst each other, all glad that it was finally over. The sun began setting, it too seeming weary from the journey of a day.
Zelda tapped lightly on Robin's (M) shoulder.
"Hey, Robin?"
"Yes Zelda? Something I can do for you?" he asked. She smiled deviously.
"I think I've figured out a way to get back at Link for, well, you know."
"Well, what do you have in mind?"
"Watch this." She walked up to Link who was humming the melody to Clock Town. She gently nudged him. He turned.
"Oh! Zel! I wanted to say I'm really sorry about what happened earlier, in that chamber. I don't want you to think that was my idea. Please don't leave me-"
"I can't leave you."
"Yes! I mean, why not?" he asked.
"Well, this morning, I checked and, well, I'm pregnant."
"W-what?" he stuttered. They were getting some other people's attention.
"I think it's when we went out to that restaurant a while ago and we had such a good time. I just, will you stay with me? With the baby?" Roy definitely caught ear of that.
"Holy crap! Link's going to be a dad!? Guys! Link's going to be a dad!" Roy yelled to everybody. There were cheers.
"Yeah! You go Link!"
"Wooh! Wooh!"
"Congratulations!"
"Never thought you had it in you Link. That, and I thought your dick was too small." Ike said, wheeling next to him. Everyone else seemed to be happy. Except for Link.
"I-I-I'm going to be a dad?" he looked at his hands. His whole world was changing and he still had an even bigger question to answer. Would he stay? Zelda looked at him expectantly.
"Link? Sweetheart? Can you hear me?" she asked dearingly. Link tipped over, colided into Pac-man and fainted on the ground. Pac-man looked at him for a few seconds, then decided he would ignore that fatal offense.
"He did not take that news well." Robin looked at him on the ground. "Hey Mewtwo, could you carry him back to the mansion?" Mewtwo didn't respond. "Please?" he asked. Mewtwo grunted and Link started hovering off of the ground.
"Now, phase 2, we talk more about it and then he'll learn to cope with it better. Phase 3, he'll buy all sorts of things for the child. He'll spend so much time and work. And then phase 4, I'll tell him that I'm not truly pregnant. The look on his face will be so worth it." she told.
"How long will this take?"
"About a month. Two months tops."
"You're a monster."Robin replied. Zelda smiled to herself.
"Only when I want to be."
Meanwhile...
Roy and Marth were chatting like normal when they heard excessive giggling. Shulk and Robin (F) were laughing together. Marth elbowed Roy.
"You seeing what I'm seeing right?"
"Hell yeah! You think that we can-"
"Charm them together? You're damn right I think we can! What do you say in a couple of days, we see if we can make them a thing. Eh?" Marth asked. Roy's eyes lit up.
"Oh I bet we can. Nothing is going to stop us! Oh man, I can't wait!" he threw his arms into the air.
Later...
Sheik kicked open the mansion doors as the other smashers walked up behind her. She stepped inside. There were various workers and staff men walking around, repairing walls, mopping up puddles, etc.
"Hey! Master Hand!" Sheik called out. In about a minute, Master Hand was in front of her.
"Welcome back. How can I help y-" he saw what she was carrying.
"My office. Now. Take the elevator." he ordered. Sheik walked past him and stepped into the elevator. The other smashers arrived at the door. He stopped them in their tracks. "Snake, Young Link, come with me. Everybody else, meet me in the auditorium in fifteen minutes." he floated up the stairs. Snake looked at Samus and nodded, following Master Hand. "Oh, and Lucas?" Lucas looked up. "You come too."
"O-oh. Okay?" he stuttered. Snake held out his hand.
"Double L, take off the stone mask, you're not fooling anybody." Young Link removed the stone mask and put it away, groaning as he did so.
"Party Pooper."
"Shut up. Let's go." they walked up the stairs.
In Master Hand's Office…
"Take a seat." Master Hand had a chair for everybody. Sheik sat Toon Link and Ness into their chairs. They still weren't conscious, but that didn't really matter. She hopped in a seat on the far left.
"Ew!" she jumped off the chair. "These are soaking wet!" she whined.
"That's because of the song of storms. We'll discuss that shortly." Sheik pouted and scooted into the chair. Snake jumped over the back of the chair while Double L sat like a normal person. "You may want to cover your ears." he snapped his fingers, releasing a super soundwave, shaking awake Toon Link and Ness.
"Goodness gracious!"
"Stay away Gigyas!" the two looked around. They were in big trouble. "Oh crap. Was it the monologue?" Ness asked. Lucas carefully entered the room and sat by Young Link.
"Toon Link, Ness, and Lucas. Our three pranksters and stars of the day. That's right Lucas. Rosalina told me all about it. I can see that not only you destroyed the mansion and your fellow smashers, but even yourselves. Toon Link, your eye. Ness, your ego. And Lucas, your dignity. I'm very disappointed in all three of you today and am trying my best to keep from losing my mind." he started. This was only the beginning. "There's nothing wrong with a few measly pranks, but this!? You've just destroyed the place! Our home is wrecked and now I'm going to have to pay for it! This is very expensive you know! Not a hundred dollars for everything, no, this isn't a game. Hospital fees, damaged property, mild trauma, everything together and you get this!" Master Hand tossed a foot long stack of papers on his desk. Toon Link grabbed the top piece of paper.
"$47.00. That's not so much."
"Keep going. That's just the janitor's fee." he kept pulling papers off of the stack. More and more and more. All bills. To think that Master Hand had gotten all of this done in just a few hours was incredible. The papers went on and on and on until his hands were tired. Toon Link stopped and wasn't even half way through yet. "All of this together is more than you could imagine. I exaggerated when I said you all had cards with nearly infinite money. All of those cards are linked to my account. That's my money that I'm sharing with everyone. But with purchases here and there and all of this, I only have enough to pay my staff!" Ness pulled a piece of paper from the bottom.
"$75,000.00!"
"Yes and that's just for that surveillance camera that Snake uses."
"That one was on Marth. Not me." he defended.
"I understand. Also, I would appreciate it if you didn't smoke in the building." Snake put out the cigarette. "Here's the total cost of everything." Master Hand handed them a piece of paper. Lucas's jaw hit the floor, fell through the ground and smacked Satan in the eye. "With that, I can't give anybody any money. So, first order of business, seeing how you built a machine of death with those funds, I'm relieving everyone of their money cards. You must now earn money from the tournament, or on your own." He snapped his fingers and the money cards poofed away.
"NO!" Sheik screeched. It was all gone. "You son of a bi-" Master Hand snapped his fingers again and Sheik's mouth was sealed. "Mmph! Hm mhmph!"
"Anyway, consider that one your fault. You pranked everyone. This is your repercussion. Second order of business. You three are no longer outside of the mansion without the supervision of somebody from my staff. My high council will decide who. You also may not leave past the smash borders without my consent for the time being." he continued.
"Oh come on!" Ness protested. "Link was gonna take us to Six Flags™ next week!"
"Trip's canceled. Tough luck." Master Hand replied curtly. "I'm not done yet. Since you're still kids, I won't send you to the solitary confinement rooms, even though this is a serious offense. Instead, I'll do something more within your age group." Toon Link and Lucas looked at each other and shrugged.
"Nothing we can't handle." Toon Link said.
"I'm sure you can. You're sentenced with an 8:30pm bedtime without dessert for the next couple of months."
"What!? No! Please!" Ness protested once again. "There's no way I can sleep without having some of Peach's cake!"
"It's true! He'll have bad dreams!" Lucas told. Master Hand floated silently.
"Tough-" he pointed to Snake. Snake looked at Ness.
"Luck kid." Ness folded his arms and sunk into his chair.
"Next, all extra-curricular activities, such as participating in Mario's sports games, is strictly prohibited. You've been relieved of that privilege." Toon Link took that one to heart. "Lastly, the punishment for that whoopie cushion and Ike's leg, you must help my staff rebuild the mansion and can't do anything else until it's all finished. You can start by repairing Peach's room."
"How did that break?" Lucas asked.
"Well, from what I heard, Cloud and Robin smashed through it when escaping a box prank. On the balcony." Toon Link smiled.
"Heh heh...I remember that one. They were supposed to wait an hour and it would have lowered them to the ground. But that works too I guess."
"Enough. I'm very disappointed in all of you and hope you soon learn your lesson. What you did today was not funny and never will be. Everyone here is angry enough to tear you to pieces, and I very well almost let them. Speaking of which, Sheik. You're the one who caught the two pranksters. You get to decide a punishment of your choosing for the three. Make it a good one." Master Hand snapped his fingers and unsealed Sheik's mouth. She was still making noise, I guess talking.
"-astard! Huh? Oh, I've got the perfect little punishment in mind." She jumped onto the desk and whispered to Master Hand. She had no idea where to whisper since he didn't have ears, but he understood anyway.
"Devious. I like it. Okay, take these three to the auditorium and gather everyone together. Snake, Young Link, we still need to talk." he concluded. The three boys were pretty unhappy with their punishments, but realized it could have been a lot worse. And he didn't even find out about the generators. Toon Link leaned over to Ness' ear.
"At least he didn't find out about the generators…"
"The generators? What do you mean?" Ness said out loud. Toon Link facepalmed.
"What did you three do to the generators!?" Master Hand steamed. Sheik turned around.
"Alright, you three shitbags. Get a move on. Let's go; auditorium. Now." they hurried out of the room and Sheik followed after them. Young Link shook his head at the three as they left. Master Hand cleared his throat.
"It's been a long day."
"Tell me about it. And it's even longer with just sitting here." Snake yawned.
"I'll cut to the chase for you Snake. About your performance today…"
At the auditorium…
Everyone was in their own individual chairs, too tired to talk much. There was a chair set up on the stage for whatever reason. Sheik had Toon Link, Ness, and Lucas on stage waiting for Master Hand to begin. After a few minutes, Snake, Young Link, and Master Hand all entered the room, each of them more frustrated than the other. Master Hand floated onto the stage and told them about the money cards and the bills. Anger resonated throughout the whole auditorium and several hearts were broken. Master Hand was ready to finish it.
"Anyway, everyone, it's been a long day, so let's just get this over with. Since Sheik found and captured the pranksters, she decided what their punishment would be. I'll just let her tell you."
I just realized that Sheik is a legit female. Anyway,
Sheik grabbed a microphone.
"A'ight errybody, as you can see, we have three kids up here who have terrorized, tortured, and killed us. That deserves some discipline, right? So what's better than a good ol' country ass whoopin'? Ten of you come on up to give these bitches a spanking! Let's go!" she announced. There were cheers and shouts as ten people made their way up to the stage. Marth and Bowser wrestled for the last spot, but this time, Marth wasn't successful. Bowser gladly took the tenth spot on the stage. Lucas looked at his friends.
"D-did she just say what I think she said?" he stuttered. Before they could think about running, Master Hand sealed every escape in the room.
"Alright! Three per person, seven licks on the ass each! Use a belt, your hand, a shotgun, who cares!? Just make sure they won't be able to sit down after! The tenth person can just spank ass, doesn't matter who!" she yelled. Shulk cracked his knuckles and looked down at Ness. Ness looked back innocently.
"I-Isn't this a form of abuse?" he tried to reason. Although it wasn't close to it, it wasn't even considered anyway.
"Say that to Ike's leg!" Shulk said and bent Ness over his knee. He had a shotgun-I mean he had nothing but his hands, but that wouldn't stop him. Cameras zoomed in as all of the kids' asses were spanked without remorse.
"Ow! That hurt!" Toon Link whined, but Mario swatted him again. They yelped. It hurted, but not too bad. Just the bitter embarrassment is what hurted the most.
"Ness! Ow!"
"Yeah-ah! Hey! Stop!"
"We should've just stuck with the whoopie cushions!" and the three were publically humiliated.
The three were sent to bed without dinner. If anything, they needed a good night's rest after all the sobbing and work. It truly had been a long day and the goddesses weren't easy on anybody. Everyone separated to their own rooms to try and scavenge what little of their possessions were still in tact. The song of storms prank really did do a lot of damage. The pranksters had returned all of the swords they stole, including Pit's bow. He was happier than anyone.
"Damn it!" Pittoo swore, pulling junk from out his drawers. He was looking for a change of clothes he could wear. He couldn't find any PJ's, at least, none that weren't soaked. He had a large hole through his wall that showed into Mega Man's room. Mega Man was devastated that all of his collectables were ruined and Dark Pit had to listen to the sound of him crying himself to sleep. The dark anti-angel pulled out a T-shirt and shorts that just might work. He grabbed underwear and socks too since he still needed to change. He had already cleaned his 'dirty diaper' but still need clothes. And he couldn't even take a shower because of the generators. He sighed.
"I guess this will have to do. Jeez, I don't even think I've worn these yet. At least they aren't wet." He slipped off his shirt and let his wings relax. He poked his abdomen. "Getting fat. I need to lose a little weight." He cut two holes in the back of his shirt for his wings to fit through. He carefully wiggled his way into the red shirt. It was actually a nice fit. He changed into the underwear and shorts and flexed. Even he had to admit that he was a little scrawny.
"Huh. Well look at that." he looked out the window in the setting sun to see the blue barrier disappearing. Master Hand must've finally ridded the thing of its existence. "*yawn* You know what? Imma hit the hay. Deal with the rest of this damn mess in the morning." he jumped on his bed, only to find it soaking wet. He shrieked and rolled off. "Okay, new plan. Hm...Maybe I can see if I can 'sleep' with Lucina…hell yeah, just gotta sneak into her room." he smirked evilly. He opened his door to find Pit across the hall wearing an exact replica of Peach's outfit. He was obviously arguing with Palutena about having to wear it. Pittoo smiled and nodded. "Nice." he headed off to Lucina's room. Use your imagination to figure out how that went.
Robin entered his sister's room without knocking. She was rummaging through her closet for stuff to wear when she heard the door open.
"Oh, what's going on bro?" she smiled. He shrugged.
"Just wondering what you're up to. Can I ask you a question?" he closed the door behind him.
"I mean, you kinda just did, so…'
"You know what I mean." he scratched his head. Robin (F) began digging further into her closet.
"Ask away!"
"Well, what was that whole thing about you and Cloud? Did he say something? Do you want me to say something to him? What's going on?" he asked. The female tactician smiled sadly.
"Well, I may have overreacted a little bit. I turned something minor into serious really fast and I feel super dumb about it. It's just...I don't know man."
"Is he bothering you? You want me to beat him up?" Robin was actually serious, just didn't sound like it. She shook her head furiously.
"Oh no no no, he'd beat your wimpy ass. I don't want that. I'm just saying that we had a minor disagreement that went over his head, and right through mine. I called him an asshole and it escalated from there. I can tell I probably hurt his feelings a bit." she sighed.
"Just talk to him. Cloud's hard to reach, but I'm sure he'll forgive you. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't bothering you or anything." He walked over to the door. Robin's (F) head poked out her closet door.
"Nah, he's just fine. Besides, I'm a grown ass woman. I can handle it. But look at you, looking out for your older twin sister! What an exemplary sibling you are!' She mocked.
"Fuck off!" Robin closed the door behind him. The female tactician shrugged and went back into her closet.
Snake and Young Link walked outside the mansion under the orange sky. On a bench under one of Villager's pink cherry blossom trees was Samus, reading a book and enjoying the quiet. Her wrist was bandaged and she had some strange medical thing around her neck for her collar bone. She looked up at them and closed her books.
"What's going on Sammy?" Snake said. Samus smiled to herself.
"Just trying to get some peace and quiet while I can. You going to tell everyone else the good news?"
"About that. L.L. give me a second will ya?" Young Link stuck out his tongue and walked away. Alone again. "Master Hand isn't letting us stay."
"W-what? Why not?"
"Well, we're not the ones who caught the pranksters. He'll replace my surveillance camera and appreciated the help, but that's about it." he sat down on the bench next to her.
"No. That's not fair at all. We busted our asses today."
"Especially you with all those laxa-"
"Don't say it." she balled up her fist.
"Alright. But I've learned to cope with it. I'm just not meant to be in the tournament this year. Maybe next year, but not now. The cuthouse is very far away from here. Hours if we drive. I'm not even sure how we got here in the first place, one of Double L's tricks. But unless you feel like driving or flying back and forth, doesn't look like I'm going to be back here anytime soon." he said. The sweet smell of the sakura blossoms blew with the wind. A moment of silence passed with the two just sitting there, taking in each other's company.
"I'm not ready for you to leave." Samus spoke quietly.
"I'm not either, but we both just have to deal with it. It was annoying as hell, but still a good day regardless Samus. Nice working with you again." another moment of silence passed. A helicopter flew in the distance, heading in their direction. "Well, there's my ride." he began to stand. Samus got up too.
"Thanks Snake. For everything."
"Anytime. I aim to please, and since I was gunning for you means my mission is accomplished." The helicopter lowered itself towards the ground, blowing air and leaves all around. The door on the side slid open. Nana and Popo waved to Young Link and Snake. Wolf was piloting the helicopter, saluting as he did so.
"Yo! Let's go home!" He called. Snake nodded towards him.
"I should be heading off too," Samus began, "I told a shopkeeper that I would have a chat with him."
"Sounds like a plan." Samus squeezed his hand.
"You take care of yourself, Snake."
"You too Samus." he put his hand on her shoulder. "And hey?"
"Yeah?"
"Forever a Boxcar?"
"Yeah. Forever a Boxcar." she smiled.
"Right on. 'Till next year." He jumped on the helicopter with Young Link. Snake saluted as they began to fly off. Young Link was making kissy noises and faces at them. Slowly, as they departed, Samus held her middle finger into the air, sending one last 'fuck you' to Double L to remember. And they parted ways as the sakura blossoms blew into the orange sky.
Continued in, 'The Game'
DON'T WORRY! The thirteenth chapter is on it's way, this is just the end of the main story. There's still one more chapter left! But thank you so so so much for reading this far! It really means a lot to me and all of you made it possible! Thanks to everyone who's joined the party and you all have written this story as much as I have! What was your favorite part? Mine was when Ganondorf became a hooker! Thanks for the prank suggestions, thanks for being interested, and thank you once again for reading! Leave a review, tell me what you liked and how I could do better! This has been Toon Link's Prank Day, and from my sexy sexy self, I want to bid all of you beautiful people a...
wait for it...
almost...
be patient...
TOODLES!
that is, if you're not finished of course.