I asked Amy, Eric and Vivienne to meet with me in the teacher's lounge so we could discuss helping Greenbrier and our plans for when Derek and Charlotte would be visiting us the next day. After they had been upset with me for not telling them about Negan's offer to more to the Sanctuary, I felt it paramount that I keep my friends informed on what was happening with our new potential allies. We sat down on the couches in the room; Amy was next to Eric, and Vivienne sat down next to me.

"So?" I asked, glancing at each of their faces. "What do you guys think about Greenbrier?"

"I think we need to tread carefully." Vivienne spoke first, and she reached up to fix her hair into a ponytail. I noticed that the brown had faded and it was almost completely grey now.

"Absolutely. We can't put our people's safety on the line again," I agreed, and looked over to where Eric had his arm around Amy. We all had Caleb on the mind and didn't want to go through anything like that ever again.

"What do they want?" Eric asked. He appeared to be concerned and skeptical about Greenbrier, and I couldn't blame him, but I wasn't sure what to tell him. I knew that the conversation was inevitable, but I still wanted to avoid it.

I wasn't eager to bring up Negan with my friends, but Negan was the reason Derek and Charlotte were asking for our help. Until recently, Negan had had a choke-hold on Doveport, and we were finally starting to feel like we could breathe again. Still, I promised my friends I would be honest going forward, so I was upfront with them.

"Negan is demanding that Greenbrier give him supplies."

The moment his name left my lips I could see the uneasiness in all of their faces. Amy rolled her eyes.

"Of course." She brought a hand up to her forehead and rubbed her temple as if the mention of Negan made her head hurt.

"I told them we would help them if they helped us. They said they'd bring stuff from the mall if we give gas and vegetables," I explained. "We can see how tomorrow goes and then go from there."

The others just nodded and didn't seem upset, which surprised me. I figured they wouldn't be excited to technically be working for Negan again, but Derek and Charlotte hadn't given us a reason not to like them yet. If everyone was willing to give them a chance, this alliance could prove to be good for us.

"Ryan and I will pat them down and check them for any weapons before they come into the school," Eric said.

"Good idea. They agreed to park outside too. I really think we can trust these guys." I didn't know if I was trying to convince them or myself. "Is everyone okay with that?"

"Let's just see what happens tomorrow." Vivienne stood up as she spoke. "We can make more decisions once we know what kind of people we're dealing with."

She was right. We needed to establish trust with Greenbrier, and the only way to do that was to meet with them. So far our relationship with them was shaky at best, and we had to make sure they weren't a threat to us while also showing them that we meant well.

"Okay. Get a good night's rest." I nodded at Vivienne, and she gave me a thin smile before exiting the room. She had been working a lot in the garden and I could tell she was exhausted. It didn't help that we had the added stress of dealing with a new community.

Eric stood up and offered his wife a hand to help her off the couch, but she shooed it away.

"I'm right behind you. I need to talk to Elle before I hit the hay."

"Okay, babe." Eric leaned over and kissed her quickly and then turned to me. "Goodnight, Elle."

"Night," I said to him, but my eyes were on Amy who was staring at her lap. Eric left the room, and Amy didn't say anything right away. I chewed my lip anxiously and watched her, not knowing what she wanted to talk about.

"Amy?" I finally asked, getting nervous at her silence.

She let out a sigh and finally looked at me.

"I want to know what happened with Negan."

"Nothing happened." My answer came out just a little too fast.

"Oh, come on Elle. We all heard you yelling…" She gave me a stern look and I avoided her gaze. I remembered seeing my friends out in the hallway when Negan and I had our fight, and I was really hoping they hadn't heard anything. Apparently they had.

"I don't get it," she continued. "When we were living at the Sanctuary, Negan said he wanted us to stay there with him. He shows us this torture show, and then that same day brings us home…"

"I told him to." I cut her off to interject, and her eyes widened in surprise.

"What?" she asked confused.

"After you told me about how Negan made you guys watch him burn that guy's face, I told him to bring you home." I hadn't thought he would do it, but Negan had personally drove them home while I was still locked up in "rehab".

Amy nodded slowly, "But then what happened?"

I didn't answer her right away and tried to figure out how much I could tell her. My biggest fear was that Amy would judge me for how close I had gotten to Negan. She was my best friend; if I could talk to anyone, it was Amy, but I didn't even know what to make of it.

"I came home," I said simply.

Amy gave me a judgmental look. "Don't give me that bullshit, Elle."

I let out a heavy sigh and closed my eyes.

"Negan ended my rehab and I got my own room. I couldn't sleep that night, so I… visited him." I glanced over at her to see her reaction at what I was implying.

"You did WHAT?!" Amy's eyes damned near popped out of her head. A smile slowly started to spread on her mouth, and then she let out a laugh while shaking her head. "I knew it."

"What are we, twelve?" I asked incredulously. Amy snickered a few more times, and once she regained her composure, her brow furrowed.

"So why the yelling?"

"I didn't sleep with him. He wouldn't let me." I shrugged.

"Okay, now THAT I find hard to believe." Amy frowned and stared at me in disbelief.

"Amy, I'm serious. I went to him in the middle of the night and we got close, but he put a stop to it. I saw A.J…" I trailed off, trying to ignore the awkward memory as best as I could. I hadn't been hallucinating since coming back to Doveport, and I didn't want it to start back up.

"Elle, I'm so sorry." Amy gave me a sympathetic look. Other than Negan and the few men at the Sanctuary who were a witness to the aftermath, Amy was the only person who knew what had happened with A.J.

"Negan brought me home the next morning. I thought it was because I hadn't slept with him, but he was the one who stopped it, not me. I wanted to be with him, Amy. There's even a part of me that still does…" I trailed off at my sudden confession and then quickly continued. "I said some really horrible things to him. He told me some stuff about his life before and I used it as ammo again him." I shook my head in disgust at myself. Bringing up Lucille had just been wrong. He had opened up to me, and I used her to hurt him.

"People say things they don't mean. We make mistakes." She watched me with concern as I felt my eyes start to water.

"What if he never comes back? What if I never see him again and I can't apologize for it?" I bit my lip and fought the tears. I didn't want to cry over it, but it had been weeks since I had seen him.

"You'll see him again, Elle. If I know Negan, he'll be back. He can never stay away for too long," she assured me.

"I don't know. It was a pretty ugly fight." I sniffled and swallowed hard.

"Elle, listen to me. I watched him burn a guy's face for breaking his precious rules. You lied to him, and he offered you a chance to live with him. You took one of his men hostage, and he kissed you. You stole pain medication, and the man created a rehabilitation center in his own bedroom. He's soft on you because he cares about you. He has for a very long time, and he will come back."

I nodded, but I wasn't sure if I believed her or not. Amy made some good points on Negan going easy on me—something I had probably taken for granted, but Amy hadn't seen the entire fight. She hadn't heard him say he should have left me with Caleb. Sure Negan and I had bickered before, but this time felt so final.

I really hated to admit it, but I missed him. I had been pretending like I didn't care for the past couple weeks since our fight, but Amy reminded me that Negan never stayed away for long.

"Thanks, Amy," I said giving her a small smile. I was feeling a little hopeful about seeing Negan again.

"Hey, what are best friends for? Now help me off this couch so I can go catch some Z's. We got a big day tomorrow."

Charlotte and Derek arrived just before noon; a single compact car pulled up to the gate and parked outside. We opened the gate part ways so that they'd be able to enter, and Eric and Ryan patted everyone down.

Including the siblings, there were three others who entered; two men and a woman. They looked just as nervous as I felt, but I gave the newcomers a welcoming smile as we checked them for any hidden weapons. I was relieved once the searches were completed and nothing was found hiding on our guests.

I wasn't entirely sure how this meeting would go or what I should say, so I was grateful when Amy stepped up and introduced herself. Everyone stared at her in surprise, and Derek's eyes went to her extended stomach.

"You're pregnant," he said, dumbfounded. He seemed very off-put by the fact Amy was going to be a mother soon.

"And?" She turned to face Derek, but she was calm and not in the least offended. "Women have been giving birth for hundreds of years."

"Good point. Congratulations." Derek let out a laugh and reached up to rub his shoulder as if he was embarrassed for even bringing it up. Charlotte remained quiet, but her gaze was locked on Amy's stomach.

"Thank you." Amy gave him a kind smile.

We gave Greenbrier the tour, showing them Vivienne's garden and the entire building. Derek seemed impressed with the amount of food we had managed to stock up, and Charlotte made comment that the classroom bedrooms were "clever". Doveport wasn't much, but I couldn't help but feel proud as I showed them around the school.

Amy and Charlotte walked together and had started a conversation about how Amy's pregnancy was going. Derek seemed more interested in getting to know the layout of the school, but Charlotte was less focused on the building and was more intrigued by the people—especially Amy. The two women would occasionally laugh about something that I couldn't hear as they walked together.

We were inside Amy and Eric's bedroom when Charlotte noticed the ultrasound picture that was taped to the wall near the baby's area we had set up. She approached the black and white image and studied it for a while, and then spoke.

"Were you pregnant before?" Charlotte asked Amy.

"No, this is my first. The ultrasound came from the Sanctuary," Amy explained. Derek and Charlotte both seemed shocked at this revelation, but Amy elaborated. "We lived with Negan for a while after Caleb came to Doveport."

"Caleb?" Derek asked, glancing over at me. "Is he the one who did that to you?" His eyes immediately went to my permanent reminder that decorated my body. I nodded and averted my eyes, not wanting to have to relive that nightmare again.

"Negan saved us from him," Amy piped in, sensing that I was getting uncomfortable. "We stayed at the factory for a few weeks, and then he brought us home. They have a doctor and an ultrasound machine, so we know it's a girl."

A smile appeared on Charlotte's face, but it was almost sad. Derek glanced at his sister and then cleared his throat.

"He lives in a factory?" he asked, directing the question at me.

"Yeah, but we don't know where it is. He's always made me wear a black bag over my face when he took me there." I remembered the suffocating feeling of the dark bag sitting over my face.

"Us too," Amy added, confirming what I had already assumed—he had made sure no one at Doveport knew where the Sanctuary was.

"Want to see the gym?" Eric asked, popping his head into the room. Derek and Charlotte followed him out into the hall and Amy gave me a small smile as we left the room.

Once we finished the tour, Vivienne suggested we have lunch together. We entered into the cafeteria and sat down at the long lunch tables. The other Doveporters watched curiously as Derek, Charlotte and their men sat down with Amy, Eric, and me. Vivienne carried out a large pot and dished up the bowls of the other Doveporters, and then brought the metal pot over to our table and set it down in the center.

"Eat up," she said with a big smile. Vivienne had prepared a vegetable stew just for Greenbrier. The added spices wafted up into the air, and I inhaled the heavenly scent.

"That smells amazing!" Charlotte leaned over the table to look inside at the steaming food.

"Vivienne is also a really great cook. We'd all starve if it wasn't for her," Amy explained, beaming at Vivienne as she used a ladle to fill each of our bowls.

"Oh, stop." Vivienne chuckled and then sat down at our table once everyone had been served.

"Well thank you, Vivienne. We really appreciate this." Derek nodded at her and lifted his spoon up his mouth and took a big bite.

No one spoke as we ate; the room was silent all except for the sound of metal spoons hitting the sides of glass bowls. Everyone still seemed apprehensive, but I didn't know how to fix that. What did people used to do in situations like these? Small talk? I chewed my food slowly, hoping someone else would take it upon themselves to break the ice.

"So, Vivienne," Derek spoke up, and I felt a huge sense of relief. "You're the one who works on the garden?"

"Everyone helps out, but yeah. My mother taught me everything I could ever need to know about working in the dirt." Vivienne answered him between bites.

"Elle said you guys live inside of a mall?" Eric asked, looking across the table at Derek, who nodded and swallowed his stew before answering.

"Yeah, we've been there for quite some time. We have everything set up on the second floor. The first floor is barricaded off, and there's this makeshift elevator that is cranked up with this nifty pulley system one of our men designed."

I had been watching Derek as he talked, but couldn't help but glance over at Charlotte whose expression turned grim as Derek talked about the mall. She looked down at her bowl, but didn't say anything. It wasn't my place to ask her what was wrong, but I could tell something was making her uncomfortable.

"That's really smart," I piped in, looking back to Derek who nodded.

"Thanks, but it's not as good as a stone wall. How long have you been in charge, Elle?" Derek asked me. I took a deep breath and stared down at my bowl.

"I wasn't always the leader. There was a man who created this place… Philip…" I trailed off as I mentioned my late friend, and I noticed the others hanged their heads down quietly. He was a hard topic to talk about. When no one said anything, Derek cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry. You don't have to talk about it—"

"No, it's okay. We can talk about it," I insisted. "We all really loved him. One of Negan's men killed him."

It was like I had flipped a switch. The moment I said his name, everyone's entire demeanor changed. Doveport still became uneasy when I mentioned him, but everyone from Greenbrier tensed up and Derek's sympathetic expression soured. He set his spoon down and looked up at me.

"How many people has Negan killed here?" he asked in a low voice.

"It wasn't like that. Negan left and put one of his men in charge of us—a guy named Adam. He was absolutely horrible." I shook my head and tried to not picture the tattooed man that had tormented us and took away our friend.

"Worse than Negan, if you guys can believe it." Amy added, shuddering as if she was trying to forget him too.

"He wouldn't let us collect enough supplies, and when we couldn't provide anything, he shot Phil. Negan showed up and then…"

I stopped and wondered if I should keep talking. I didn't know if I could tell Charlotte and Derek about killing Adam. They both watched me, waiting for me to continue, and I knew I shouldn't lie to them. Lies had gotten us into enough trouble, and we were trying to establish trust.

"Negan let me kill Adam," I confessed, looking down. I didn't want to see their reactions. No one said anything for a few moments and I could only guess what they were thinking.

"He let you?" Charlotte asked quietly.

"Yeah. He gave me his bat, and I was just so angry. He shot Phil in the head, in front of all of us. He spat on his corpse. And I… I…" I remembered letting my rage completely overtake me and I stared off into space as the memory flooded back. The feeling of the wooden bat grasped tightly in my grip, and the loud cracking sound as it connected with Adam's head.

It still didn't feel real—it was like I had become possessed by some sort of demon that was born from so much fury and wrath. Adam's back had been facing me, and I just wanted to hurt him the way he had hurt Philip. I wanted to teach him a lesson. I wanted him to die, so I killed him.

I was lost in the violent memory and almost didn't hear Vivienne as she started to get up from the table. I blinked a few times and noticed everyone had finished eating and was watching me concerned.

"It's such a lovely day. Why don't we all go outside and enjoy some fresh air?" Vivienne announced, as she started to gather everyone's bowls.

Telling Greenbrier about what I had done had been a huge mistake, and now they were going to think I was crazy. I swallowed hard and stared down at my lap, feeling embarrassed. Sure I wasn't hallucinating anymore, but my bad memories still had a way of haunting me even at Doveport.

"That sounds nice," Charlotte said, getting up from the table. "I can tell Amy more about those outlet stores we have."

I didn't bother to look up as Amy, Eric, Ryan, Charlotte and the others filed out of the room and headed towards the front doors. My stomach was in knots and I clenched my fists at my side, angry with myself for being so stupid.

"Elle?"

I glanced up to see Derek had lingered back and was watching me with a strange look. He seemed almost empathetic towards me, and I scrunched my brow.

"I get it," he said quietly, locking eyes with me. "I understand."

With that, Derek turned and headed down the hall to follow the others outside. I wondered what he meant by that. Derek was a survivor too, so maybe he had done things that haunted him too. There was something about him—something in his eyes that made me think he was a kindred spirit.

I joined the others outside just as Derek and Charlotte were headed over to the gate. As I approached, I overhead Charlotte talking about a baby store.

"It's completely untouched, and there's plenty of stuff there. I can bring you some things, if you want," Charlotte offered to Amy.

"Yes, please. I'll take anything I can get." Amy seemed almost hopeful at the mention of getting baby supplies.

"Thank you for the lunch," Derek said, turning to me and reaching out his hand. "If it's okay with you, I'd like to come back in a couple days and bring a few different people. I want Greenbrier to get used to working with Doveport."

I took his hand and shook it, but felt surprised. I really thought they would be disgusted with me and how I had killed Adam, but looking at their faces I could tell they weren't fazed. Instead, both Derek and Charlotte were giving me sympathetic smiles as if they understood what I had done.

"Absolutely." I nodded at him, "We'll see you in a few days then."

Derek and Charlotte waved goodbye to us, and then headed to their car. As it pulled away and drove off down the road, I realized our meeting had actually gone well.

And I wondered if this was how civilizations were built.