"Mom, Mom" were the words I woke up to and it was a sound that would never got old to me. "What baby?" I responded in a drowsy tone as I moved aside in the bed to allow Sofia room to climb in. "So…, if you and mama are friends again, why isn't she living with us now?"
I pulled the blankets up over Sofia and I wrapped my arm around her as I kissed the back of her head. "Well. Your mama and I never want to have a fight again so we are just taking things slow." I explained in a way I hoped the young girl would understand.
Sofia was silent for a minute as she thought about what I said. "So do you and mama kiss again? Like when I was really little?" she asked.
I felt like this conversation needed more than just a sleepy response so I opened my eyes and I thought about the response carefully. "Well yeah. How do you feel about that?"
Sofia shrugged as she rolled over in the bed her little dark brown eyes settling on me. "I don't mind. I just don't like it when you guys fight" she admitted.
I kissed the girl's forehead and nodded in agreement, "I know baby" I whispered against her skin. "Your mama and I will fight sometimes but I promise I will do everything in my power to make sure we never stop being friends."
Sofia nodded as she snuggled into my chest and fluttered her eyes closed. We slept for another hour before the both of us finally woke up, satisfied with the amount of sleep we had.
Together we had breakfast, talked about what our days entailed, talked about our plans for later that night and got ready for yet another long day. We left the house at ten past eight. I dropped Sofia off at school, had a quick chat with her teacher then headed to the hospital.
I headed straight for my office, I figured I'd spend the morning doing all the paperwork that had piled up over the past few days. I chipped away at grant requests, intern requests, money donation forms, blood test results and other boring yet necessary work. A knock at my door forced me to look away from the work in front of me. I looked up to see Arizona in the doorway with a coffee and a muffin. "Awww, thanks babe" I said in a thankful tone as she placed the coffee and muffin in front of me. "Thought you might be hungry" she said as she leant over the desk and pecked my lips. "Mmm" I muttered before pecking her lips again.
Arizona sat down on the seat in front of my desk and crossed her legs. "How's the work load?" she asked as I grabbed my coffee and took a satisfying sip. "It's been worse. Why?" I questioned.
"Sofia doesn't have soccer this weekend because of the long weekend. We could use a few of our holiday days and you, Sofia and I could go away for the weekend. We could go anywhere. You and I could spend some time with our girl together."
"I'd love to babe. I really would. I wish so much that I could do that but I can't afford to take three days off right now. I took so much time off during the trial and my workload is crazy. I have new employees joining the team that need training. I just can't babe." I stood up and I walked around to where Arizona sat. Arizona stood to meet my eyes and I placed my hand on her cheek. "What about I take Friday off though. Sofia has her music recital at school and then afterwards we could all go out for dinner and a movie or something. A family night." I suggested as an alternative.
Arizona didn't respond, instead she just pushed her lips firmly against mine her eyes fluttering shut as she did. I returned the kiss passionately. I could feel her arms tightly grabbing at my shirt. A sign of nervousness or sadness. I broke away from the kiss and I noticed that tears streamed from her face. "What's going on?" I asked as I cupped her face lovingly in my hands.
Arizona shook her head and tried to dismiss her own sadness. "Nothing" she added.
"What's wrong babe?"
Arizona shook her head again, "It's stupid" she admitted.
"What is wrong Arizona?" I asked in a more serious tone.
"I'm scared. I'm scared that we aren't going to work. I love you with all my heart but that has never been enough. What makes this time any different?" she finally asked.
This was a question I had asked myself time and time again. Why was this time any different? There was always something that managed to come between Arizona and I. First it was children, then it was work, then it was the plane crash and then when we both thought it couldn't get any worse there was another woman. We fought one another in a custody battle and still after everything we somehow, against all odds managed to find our way back to one another. I wanted to promise I would never leave but I had said that before. I wanted to say nothing could come between us but the universe had proven time and time again that wasn't true. I wanted to say all the things she wanted to hear but I couldn't bring myself to say them. Instead I just held her close and ran my hand through her hair in attempt to sooth the crying blonde.
"I promise that I will always love you" I said as I stabilized Arizona, placed my arms on her shoulders and looked at her in the eye so that she knew everything I was saying was the truth. "I can't predict the future, I don't know what will become of us but if there is one thing I know it's that I will always love you and I will always love Sofia. I've married you once Arizona, I'd do it again." I wiped the tears from her face and I kissed her forehead. Arizona's eyes fell shut, her eyes tired from crying.
"It's never you" Arizona whispered more so to herself than anything.
I didn't respond. I knew what she meant and there wasn't much I could say to convince her otherwise. To be quite honest, I didn't have anything to suggest otherwise. "I love you" I whispered over and over again as I pulled her into a hug.
It took half an hour to calm Arizona down and convince her that her face didn't look red and that she in fact looked beautiful. I spent a few minutes alone in my chair reflecting on mine and Arizona's conversation. If I was truthful with myself, I'd say I was just as concerned about being hurt all over again, about putting our daughter through more pain and heartache but at the end of the day we were physically unable to stay away from one another.
On my way home from work I shot around to Merediths to check on her and the kids. As usual the place seemed lively and energetic between the three children, Amelia, Pierce and Meredith. Meredith seemed to be slotting back into her working mom role quite nicely.
I arrived back at my place not long after. I unlocked the door and walked inside the cold, bare, quiet apartment. I couldn't help but think how lively Meredith's home was and how quiet mine was. I placed my work bag at the door and I headed to my room. I grabbed a duffel back from my wardrobe, filled it with clothes and essential items I might need for a few days away and I headed right out the door again. Why was I staying here when I could be staying there?
A few minutes later I found myself walking into Arizona's apartment carrying my gear. Arizona and Sofia were making dinner together and I couldn't help but notice the soft chuckles that escaped both their mouths. "MOM" Sofia called as she dropped the spoon from her hand, jumped down from her helper stool and ran to hug me. I placed my things down beside me and I picked her up in my arms and gave her a quick squeeze. "Hey munchkin" I said as I placed a kiss to the side of her head.
"I wasn't expecting you" Arizona admitted as she leant up against the kitchen bench.
"Are you going to kiss her Mom?" Sofia asked me with a cheeky grin spreading over her lips.
"No" I teased as I covered the small girl's eyes and leant forward to kiss Arizona's lips. "Hey" I whispered against them as Sofia fought with my hand.
"I saw that" she exclaimed as she wriggled from my arms. I placed her on the ground and she ran back to her place in the kitchen. "Mama and I are making dinner."
I watched Sofia mix a bowl of ingredients unknown to me with a large grin on her face.
"You moving in?" Arizona asked in reference to the bags in the doorway.
I turned around to glance at them forgetting I had even left them there. "I thought I could stay with you for a few days." Arizona was unresponsive for a few seconds before a small smile coiled on the edges of her lips. "I'd like that" she said before turning her attention back to Sofia.
I grabbed the bags and took them straight to Arizona's room. I put my toiletries in the bathroom and placed my duffel bag in the closet. I knew Arizona hated things lying around the room.
The rest of the night was relatively calm. We ate, watched a movie together and Arizona and I shared a bottle of wine. Sofia was asleep a little later than usual because of the excitement of Arizona and I being back together. She finally fell asleep at 9pm leaving Arizona and I a good couple of hours to snuggle on the couch before heading to bed.
The next morning, I woke up with my arms wrapped around Arizona and her soft snores filling the bedroom. I could smell Arizona's shampoo wafting through my nostrils as I kissed the back of her head. I slowly drifted back to sleep only to be woken half an hour later by Sofia. "MOM! MAMA" she called as she climbed into the bed and rested on me to watch me wake. I shifted slightly in my sleep before finally realizing what the noise was. I glanced over Arizona to look at the alarm clock which read 5:47am. I grumbled and released Arizona only so I could turn over and hug Sofia. "It's too early for you to be awake. Go to sleep" I instructed as Sofia snuggled into my arms and reluctantly fell back asleep.
8am rolled around and the alarm went off. I heard Arizona stir and the sound immediately stop. Arizona rolled over and Slipped her arm around mine, feeling a second body with her finger tips. "We have a visitor" Arizona whispered as she propped herself up and looked over me to Sofia who was still fast asleep. I looked down at the girl, ran my hand through her hair and smiled. Sofia was perfect. "She came in just before 6" I responded quietly. I lay onto my back and slid my arm under Arizona's neck so that she could hug into my side. I felt like the luckiest woman in the world. I woke to the woman of my dreams and my beautiful miracle. "I don't want to go to work today" Arizona murmured as we both watched Sofia sleeping so peacefully.
"Then don't" I tempted her.
"I have too" Arizona whispered as she kissed my neck gently. "I have surgeries scheduled all day" she informed me.
Silence fell for a bit, the only sound filling the room were the soft strokes of my hand running through Sofia's dark locks. Sofia's chest rose and fell and her little hands flinched every once and a while. Just watching Sofia made my heart melt. Her little flushed cheeks and her unusual sleeping position was enough to make anyone want to be a parent.
"We could have another" Arizona blurted out. "I mean not now, but in the future" she suggested. My head immediately turned, our faces only inches away from one another. "Really?" I asked. Arizona nodded aimlessly, "I think Sofia would make a great big sister and I'd love nothing more than to have a baby with you" Arizona said as she kissed my lips so lovingly. Her words were intoxicating, they made me want her. "I want you so bad right now" I whispered very quietly up against her lips. Arizona chuckled and laid another kiss on my lips. "Wake her up, she has to go to school" Arizona instructed me as she pecked my lips and slid from the bed and headed straight to the bathroom. I watched her for a moment, my imagination getting the best of me as the bathroom door shut behind her.
I finally turned around and I kissed Sofia's head, "Sofia" I said quietly a few times before her small body finally began to move. "It's time to get up." I explained. Sofia opened her eyes and she rubbed at them with her hands. "What do you want for breakfast?" I asked her. Sofia shrugged before finally sprawling her body out in a stretch. "Cocoa Puffs" Sofia grumbled tiredly.
I nodded and slid out of bed. I grabbed Arizona's dressing gown and I slid it on before heading to the kitchen to prepare a pot of porridge for Arizona and and a bowl of Cocoa Puffs for the chocolate queen. The morning was like that of a normal family. There was a fight about what Sofia should wear, a few jokes shared over breakfast and then a mad dash for the door in fear of being late. Being with Sofia and Arizona made my heart warm. It made me wonder how I ever went a day without them.