Chapter 72
It was yet another Friday Night Dinner, a few weeks having passed in between. Despite Logan being again out of town, it was a nice evening - Emily had put on some nice jazz, the room was pleasantly tosty. Richard was out of town too. Emily was serving a roast with mashed potatoes just for the two of them. Normally, when it was just the girls - most often the situation having been Emily, Lorelai and Rory, Emily tended to serve something lighter - salads, soups and light meat.
Rory could just tell something was up.
"Have you talked to your mother at all?" Emily asked when they were about half-way through with their main course.
"Not since my party," Rory replied, setting her utensils aside.
"Does she even know about you going back to Yale?" Emily continued hopefully.
"Not that I know of," Rory said, and took a sip of her wine.
"Don't you think you should tell her? As far as I understood that was the main thing with you two falling out, wasn't it?" Emily suggested.
The wine nearly went down the wrong pipe.
"That... and Logan," Rory muttered.
"Excuse me? What was that?" Emily asked, having not quite heard her.
"Mom has a problem with Logan," Rory admitted more loudly but reluctantly.
"That's absurd! You can't be serious?" Emily exclaimed.
But Rory, uneager to elaborate, looked dead serious.
"Your mother doesn't like Logan? What's there not to like?" Emily exclaimed in disbelief.
"My point exactly," Rory agreed, shrugging her shoulders. She'd accepted that that was the case and just felt unwilling to fight.
"She lets you go out with hooligans and now she has a problem with you marrying a respectable young man who treats you well?" Emily continued.
Rory was almost convinced she was going to bring up the Birkin bag next. There was no doubt her grandmother was a fan of Logan's.
"Jess was not a hooligan. He was clobbered by a swan that one time - for your information," Rory went off track. Rory sighed, realizing that. "But I guess mom just has a problem with me returning to a life of money, she's taking it personally how I'm somehow rejecting the lifestyle that she brought me up in. She thinks I'm not behaving like myself because I have Logan in my life. She actually suggested once how he might be manipulating me, so I would estrange myself from my former life…," Rory explained, going more in depth that she had ever gone with her grandma, not bothering with a filter.
"But that's nonsense!" Emily exclaimed again.
"I know," Rory said, feeling like this wasn't going anywhere.
She continued to eat for a while in silence.
"But we will need to decide whether we invite her to go dress shopping. It's already in two weeks!" Emily explained. "I hate to see you two like this, and especially over something that should be a celebration. I've clearly never had my moment to share my daughter's big day with her, I might never get that chance. But you two - I do hope you find some way to work this out?" Emily continued, pleadingly.
"I just don't understand why you're telling me all this," Rory sighed, trying to come off avoidant.
"Because sometimes it just comes down to the child to just ask her mother to join her shopping for her special wedding dress," Emily said, clearly speaking from experience or rather the lack there of.
"Yeah, but sometimes all it'd take would be for her to apologize," Rory shot back and finished up her plate in silence.
"I know you two are stubborn, but unlike your mother - I actually think you're smarter, what is it that they call it - emotional intelligence?" Emily added.
"So I'm just supposed to go over there and ask her, just forgive her and hope she doesn't make me feel bad when I shop for the dress or on the day of the wedding?" Rory said, allowing her grumpiness on the topic show.
"Or, if it really is that bad, then you'll just have to make a decision. Not inviting her needs to be a conscious well-thought-out decision just the same as inviting her. Inviting her is much less easily undone than doing the opposite," Emily shared her wisdom.
"Fine, I'll think about it," Rory groaned unenthusiastically.
"Ah, and here we have dessert - twinkies!" Emily added, having kept that little bribery technique to herself until now.
The rest of the dinner Emily insisted Rory think about a lot of wedding decisions - there was talk of the colors, the bridesmaid's - how many she was expecting to have, what flowers she wanted and what kind of food she wanted to have served. Many of these topics were discussed in such a way as to give Rory a handful of options to take home and discuss with Logan. All of that felt utterly pointless now, and that even if technically Rory had nothing against celebrating her love for Logan in the form of a party. It just held a lot less meaning now that they were already married. She could just imagine how disappointed her grandmother would be if she found out. Would she even be mad? Would she be angry they'd wasted all this money for nothing?
As she ate her twinkie, she actually remembered Emily's reaction to when she'd thought Lorelai had eloped with Max. There had been such hurt and upset in her tone then.
The guilt was almost unbreakable as she listened to Emily go on and on about centerpieces and videographers, and Rory just listened quietly and nodded along.
As Rory eventually poured out of that house, feeling drained like she'd just sat through an interrogation of some sort, she honestly didn't know what to do. If she didn't talk to her mother, at least try to - her grandmother would just not stop asking. The next thing Emily did probably would be to try to set them up somehow, forcing them to talk, and that certainly was way worse if they had to do it in front of her or under her grandmother's conditions.
Unsure if she was actually going to do it, Rory took the exit to Stars Hollow, just like she had in the summer - the last time she'd been there.
She'd never been away from her beloved hometown for this long - not even during their backpacking trip to Europe.
She had to admit - she'd missed it. She missed watching TV with her mom and eating way too much of sketchy take-away from Al's. She missed Luke's coffee, she missed watching Luke and Taylor go at it over som silly decoration decision, she even missed Kirk.
But was there a scenario in which the two worlds could co-exist? It wasn't that Logan hadn't wanted to spend time in Stars Hollow. He had. He'd done everything to be a good boyfriend, excuse me - a good husband should. So why was she finding it so difficult to find the perfect balance between the two? She struggled to combine the two worlds - just like she'd become more distant from Lane over the past year. She hadn't meant for that to happen, but still it had.
She turned right on Maple and exhaled deeply as she saw her mother's Jeep standing in the driveway, and the lights on in the living room.
Had her mother seen her car yet? Or did she still have a chance to bail?
For a second she just thought about going and seeing if Lane was home - that sort of felt like meeting her inner yearning half way. But she knew that would just leave her exactly where she'd been - it wouldn't solve anything. It would make her a coward. Maybe if things didn't go well - maybe what she could do was just stop the limbo and make a decision on the part her mother was or wasn't going to have in her wedding - her life.
It was then she noticed something unusual. A large shaggy dog slipped out from the front door, and waited. Rory's mother followed after him and lifted him to her lap and carried the dog down the porch steps. Then she put the dog down and Rory watched the dog go about his business as if the whole process was completely normal. As she looked up, Rory's eyes met Lorelai's.
There's no escape now - Rory sighed to herself.
"Hey," Lorelai said first, as Rory stepped out of the car.
Rory found her mouth incredibly dry. She desperately hoped her mother wouldn't take her turning up here as a sign of some kind of a 'I was wrong, you were right' kind of thing. But it was how it felt. Like she was doing the making up and her mother was just getting her way. It was so hard to think of the big picture - that it just all came down to getting closure - making a decision.
"Who's that?" Rory asked, her throat feeling too dry to say anything more personal. Even a 'hi' felt dangerous somehow - too friendly. This seemed entirely practical.
"That's Paul Anka," Lorelai said.
"Cute name," Rory said. She was really trying.
"Yeah, I got a dog," Lorelai explained. "He's kind of quirky. Like me," she added.
"I assume Babette and Luke are making sure you feed him?" Rory asked.
"Yeah, but I can manage," Lorelai replied. "And I'm not discussing that hamster again," Lorelai added.
They were keeping a very cordial distance - at least six feet or so. It was unusual for them, but that was what felt comfortable, but at the time incredibly awkward.
Rory was just about to begin saying - "Grandma…," wanting to explain her reasons for coming here that night, when Lorelai said "You wanna come in for a sec? There's construction and it's a mess but..," she began.
"Construction?" Rory reflected, finding yet another safe topic.
"Yeah, we're making the bedroom bigger," Lorelai shared.
"You and Luke?" Rory asked.
"No, me and John O'Hurley. Luke doesn't know yet, I hope it takes it okay," her mother tried to make a joke. But the crowd wasn't laughing tonight.
"You guys are gonna live here?" Rory reflected, finding this actually an interesting piece of information.
"Yeah," Lorelai exhaled.
"That's… nice," Rory exhaled.
"So - you coming inside?" Lorelai repeated.
"Is Luke there?" Rory asked, honestly not wanting to feel like she had to behave if he was there. She genuinely liked him.
"No, he's got early deliveries," Lorelai explained.
"I guess I will then, for a second," Rory replied, hesitantly.
Lorelai picked up Paul Anka again and carried him over the stairs. "Not a big fan of porch stairs, this one," she explained.
Rory followed her mother into the house, and seeing the bed in the living room and paint cloth on the floor, did make her feel for a moment like she didn't know this place. The living room had been painted a new shade of yellow, a couple of the baseboards were still missing. Did she even have her room anymore or had they turned that into something else by now?
The dog came to sniff her, and that strangely seemed to be therapeutic on her - causing Rory to smile at the dog at the very least as his wet nose poked inside her palm. She relaxed a little.
"Hi, Paul Anka," Rory cooed to the dog quietly.
"He's not usually too interested in new people," Lorelai commented casually.
This was what she was now, wasn't it - a new person, a stranger?
But this helped her realize that if she could help it she didn't want to be a stranger. It would bother her in the future if she didn't try to solve this somehow, and she knew her mother to be way more stubborn than her. But a lot depended on her mother too.
"So, grandma kept asking me whether you'd be joining us for wedding dress shopping. It's on a Sunday in two weeks. Kleinfelds in the City," Rory explained awkwardly.
"Is it grandma asking that or you?" Lorelai asked.
"Well, that really depends on you, doesn't it?" Rory shot back, showing some of her built up anger.
"No, the question is - do you want me to come?" Lorelai shot back in return.
"Do I want my mother to come? Yes, I want my mother to come! I want my mother to come and not ruin my day, I want her to be happy for me," Rory exclaimed. There was support that she wanted, she wanted someone to help her survive all of grandmother's planning too. Someone to help her make all these decisions that she struggled to find the excitement to make.
"Am I happy that you are in love and that you're getting married? Yes, I guess… if he really is the right guy for you, of course I want you to be happy!" Lorelai replied.
"He is the right guy for me, and after - what a year and a half, a year - officially. I shouldn't have to keep explaining this," Rory replied. "I just can't have you undermining him or doubting him all the time - that's no way to treat my husband!" Rory spat out, without realizing.
"Your… what?" Lorelai replied, feeling stunned.
A moment of silence later Rory sighed and elaborated - "We eloped. We're married already. On the night of my birthday. We were in Vegas. And 'No' - we weren't that drunk. Nobody knows. Well, now you do," Rory explained, realizing she might've just caused the whole snowball to form into an avalanche.
"You eloped!?" Lorelai exclaimed slowly.
"Yes! I'm officially married to Logan Huntzberger. Though it's likely Mitchum will try to get it annulled when he finds out because we did it without prenups…," Rory explained.
Having that out in the open felt like such a load off her chest.
"But you're still going through with the big wedding, that's in August as I've understood?" Lorelaid reflected. It was still just November - August felt like a million years away.
"Yes," Rory replied, half-heartedly, looking defeated and a little sad.
It definitely took Lorelai a moment to wrap her head around this.
Rory couldn't read her - was she mad? Mad that she had done it and hadn't told her before now? Was she glad, realizing now this was something solid? Was she angry that she'd done this spontaneous thing…?
"Say something!" Rory demanded, hating this silence.
"You went to Vegas?" Lorelai exhaled, there being a lot to take in. There was some sadness in her face too, realizing that the big 21 had passed without them doing their thing, and that she'd probably done it without her.
Rory shrugged, what her mother wanted her to say.
"Well I guess… best wishes?" Lorelai said, and stepped closer awkwardly, feeling like she should hug her. Rory felt awkward too, unsure how to accept that hug, being as tense and weird in this situation. But somewhat reluctantly she allowed her mother to wrap her hands around her and just let herself be held. It took several seconds for her to relax enough to hug her back.
Rory let out a small sniffle, having not wanted to go there, but she hadn't been able to hold it.
"It is good news, right?" Lorelai just had to ask.
"Yes," Rory sniffle, wiping a teardrop away.
"Listen - I'm sorry," Lorelai said.
It was what Rory had waited to hear for so long.
"I'm sorry I was thorny about Logan. I may not like everything about him or the way that his family is, but clearly what you two have is something, something solid enough for you to make such life-altering decisions. God, you're so young! But I do trust you... You just have to understand that all I kept seeing was how his presence in your life and your decisions were intertwined and things with Yale…," Lorelai continued, discrediting her apology somewhat. But Rory knew this was just how her mother was. "I just wanted you to be happy and successful... and independent," she added.
"You should've just given me a moment, mom," Rory exclaimed. "I needed that moment - to heal physically and to figure out what I wanted. And I did. I am going back to Yale, I'm taking a class at Connecticut College now even. I spent four months interning for a political campaign - I didn't waste my time. I just did it in my own way. I just needed you to trust me enough to know that I had or have no intention of becoming just a trophy wife or just start hanging out at the D.A.R. I just want a career that independent from the fact that I'm married to a Huntzberger," Rory explained, wiping her tears away.
"I do. I do trust you," Lorelai got emotional too.
"Well you did a poor job showing it," Rory added.
Lorelai took a deep breath.
"So you're now a Huntzberger? Rory Huntzberger? Lorelai Leigh Huntzberger?" Lorelai reflected.
"Not yet, still a Gilmore. But I read that could be changed later and I will. This is just so we can keep it under wraps better for now," Rory explained.
"So how long do you plan on keeping this a secret?" Lorelai asked.
Rory shrugged. "Until they need to know, I guess," Rory shared.
"Even if that is like... at the wedding?" Lorelai asked, skeptically.
Rory shrugged again. "I mean Logan figured we'll just talk to the officiant and handle all that so, maybe it doesn't need to come up. The only issue I can think of is with the prenups - grandma and grandpa wanted me to have one too, but - now we don't," Rory shared.
"Oh wow… that's pretty close to me becoming pregnant at 16 on their books probably," Lorelai exhaled.
"Yup, I know," Rory sighed, thinking especially about Shira's and Mitchum's reaction, Elias' too but she felt relieved she was yet to meet him. "But mostly it's just the guilt of it now - grandma's planning this whole big thing…, I get nauseous just answering all of her questions," Rory shared.
"I'm happy to help, if you want me to," Lorelai said hesitantly.
"I do," Rory said. "But I just have to say… it hurt me that you didn't tell me about getting engaged with Luke," Rory added.
"I'm sorry… you weren't talking to me, I didn't know you'd even find out… and then you did," Lorelai explained.
"Mom - I was hurt - hurting physically, in recovery, having just lost an ovary. Possibly having to think about whether that was somehow going to affect my likelyhood of concieving one day. And I'd lost my whole big dream that I'd had my whole life. Not because someone told me or because it's expected from a Huntzberger wife… but because I realized it wasn't going to happen because I don't have the traits for it. No, this is not about talent or practice, but just… I'm not going to be jumping in and out of warzones and at the same time fighting office gossip over whether or not my last name got me the job. I can find ways to write, write other things, elsewhere… maybe learn even something new entirely. And what I needed from my mom was just unconditional acceptance of those thing, trust... " Rory explained, sharing her dissapointment.
"I am sorry," Lorelai repeated.
Rory took several deep breaths, pulling herself together.
"Okay then..," Rory exhaled, unsure what else to do or say. It would take some acceptance, some time.
"So I guess I should apologize to that husband of yours too. Maybe you two could like to come over one night, the construction should be done sometime next week….," Lorelai shared. "Dinner and a movie?" she suggested.
Rory was relieved to hear that to be honest and the tension gave up considerably.
"Okay, and I'll tell grandma to tell you the details about the dress shopping," Rory said, still knowing that in her mind her mother was sort of on probation. Especially when it came to considering her to be her maid of honor. She wasn't yet sure about that part. For that she needed her to be 100% on board.
"I can't believe you got married!" Lorelai exclaimed, the fact still needing time to register.
This relationship wasn't going to be rebuilt overnight. But it was a start - the beginning of understanding.
AN: Was that to abrupt? I tried to allude to her need to do that but I am not sure if it came naturally enough. Also as you may remember I just made the construction lag a little timewise, just to make the place look more interesting.