Abby quickly became the greatest joy of Doveport.
Everyone wanted to help out with her, which Amy was very grateful for. Eric and her weren't getting much sleep in the weeks since Abby's birth, so we all stepped up. Lucky for us, she was a very good baby. She slept well as long as she had her little pink pacifier, otherwise she wailed until we brought it to her.
Amy struggled to produce enough milk and was very hard on herself for it. I found her crying a couple of times, upset that she wasn't able to properly feed her baby. In our situation, it normally would have been a big problem…
But we had Negan.
The day after I told him about Amy struggling with breastfeeding, he showed up to Doveport with a pickup truck filled with eight boxes full of baby formula and a handmade crib. One of the men at the Sanctuary had built it just for Abby. Negan said he would get "whatever the little Poptart needed".
I tried not to think about Derek and Greenbrier. I couldn't change the past, but I could focus on the future. My community was safe. Vivienne's garden was flourishing. Every night, Doveport gathered into the cafeteria to eat a meal together. The large room was filled with chatter and laughter. We weren't just surviving—we were thriving.
Negan continued to visit Doveport every week, but he wasn't asking for us to give supplies anymore. Most of the time, he was the one bringing boxes filled with necessities. Some days he brought meat, which Vivienne incorporated into her meals. More often than not, Negan would stay for dinner. Then afterwards, he'd spend the night.
Somehow, what happened with Derek didn't drive us apart. In fact, we'd grown closer than ever. We weren't keeping our relationship a secret anymore. When he'd arrive at Doveport, he'd kiss me every time, dragging it out and whispering that he missed me. At night we became tangled up together—limbs wrapped around limbs, skin brushing up against skin. I found it difficult to sleep on the nights he wasn't there because I missed being in his arms.
One day I was standing outside by Philip's grave. I liked to visit him occasionally and wished he was still alive. He would have loved Abby. It was because of him that she would have a safe place to grow up—that she would have a chance.
I was staring down at the dirt pile where a bit of grass had started to grow over when I heard the sound of truck engines. Ryan was already outside helping Eric with the car, so he jogged over to the gate and opened it.
The Saviors' trucks began pulling into the yard, but Ryan seemed to be focused on something beyond the gate. Walking over to where he was, I saw a female walker was dragging itself towards the entrance. She was slow moving—her leg had a huge chunk torn out of it, causing her to limp. Ryan went to take out his knife when Negan appeared next to me to watch her approach.
"Want me to tell her there's no fucking school today?" he asked, planting a kiss onto my cheek and presenting his bat. I rolled my eyes at him, but couldn't help smiling. He was such a show off.
"Knock yourself out."
I leaned against the gate as Negan swung the bat into the side of the walker's head, causing it to hit the ground. The impact was enough to kill it instantly, and he smirked proudly. Glancing up at the sky, I noticed there were dark clouds overhead. We hadn't seen rain in weeks, and I wondered if they were storm clouds.
"What's for dinner?" Negan asked, coming up to grab the gate and close it. I raised an eyebrow, knowing if he was asking about that, then he was planning on spending the night.
"Vivienne's making spaghetti. It's easy, and we have fresh basil for it." I began to walk towards the school and he followed.
"Basil, huh?" he asked in a low voice, side-eyeing me.
"That tickle your fancy?" I asked smiling to myself.
Negan chuckled low. "I've got something you can tickle."
I gave him a warning look, causing him to snicker. I couldn't believe that this man could be so romantic, when the majority of the time he was just really vulgar.
As we walked, a Savior came running up and held out a black shopping bag to Negan. Curious, I tried to look inside when Negan held it up and away from me.
"It's a surprise," he said with a toothy grin. I pursed my lips in confusion. He usually just brought boxes. The bag looked like it came from a designer store.
As we entered into the school, Amy was standing by the entrance holding Abby. The baby was latched onto her pacifier and was struggling to keep her little eyelids open.
"Elle, can you please take her for a few minutes? I want to go shower quick before dinner." Amy had bags under her eyes and looked exhausted. "I'd ask Eric, but he's busy with the car."
"Of course," I said, holding out my arms to take Abby. Negan watched the exchange without saying anything and Amy gave him a small smile.
"Hey, Negan. Staying for supper?"
"Fuck yeah!" He smiled down at Abby and then pinched his nose. "Pee-ew! Your mom really smells, Poptart!"
"You try getting thrown up on multiple times a day and we'll see how you smell!" Amy fired back with a fake scowl. Negan just grinned at her, so she threw up her middle finger and held it up over her head as she walked off. Negan laughed as he watched her disappear towards the locker rooms. They'd been much more amicable in recent weeks, and I was glad.
Cradling Abby, I made my way to Amy and Eric's bedroom. The crib was near the paper decorations of little animals we had put up weeks before. A makeshift mobile was set up to hang over the crib with little pink, yellow and blue stars spinning. I went to place Abby into the crib, but the pacifier fell from her mouth and she let out a cry. Placing the binky back into her mouth, I sat down in a wooden rocking chair, shushing her in a soft whisper.
Negan hadn't followed me in like I thought he would. Left alone with the baby, my mind wandered. I couldn't help but imagine what Abby's future would hold. College wasn't exactly a possibility, but she would still need to learn how to protect herself and how to survive. We'd have to set up classes for her to learn how to read and write. Lucky for us, we were already inside of a school. We could turn Philip's room back into a classroom and use the supplies to educate her. Once she was big enough to walk, she could run and play outside, completely protected with Doveport's wall.
"It suits you."
I looked up from Abby, who had fallen asleep in the short time I'd been rocking her. Negan was standing in the doorway, leaning against the wall with a soft smile on his face. I must have looked confused, because Negan elaborated.
"You with a baby."
I smirked and shook my head. Ever since Abby had come into our lives, Negan had an almost gentleness about him.
"I've been learning a lot in the last couple weeks. We just wish she'd get on a normal sleep schedule. Her days and nights are all turned around. She's our little night owl." I stared down at her as I spoke.
"Have you thought more about what I said?" he asked quietly.
"Hmm?" I asked without looking at him.
"About being a mom."
Closing my eyes, I smiled and let out a sigh. Negan had been bringing it up a lot since Abby's birth. With how intimate we were being, pregnancy wasn't impossible, and something told me Negan was counting on it. But it wasn't something I was actively trying to make happen.
"Abby's enough for me right now." I stood up from the rocking chair and placed the sleeping infant into her crib. Abby wasn't mine, but I loved her with all my heart. She was a piece of Amy and Eric, two people I couldn't imagine going through this world without.
Negan came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into him.
"We're still gonna fuck, though. Right?" he asked. I scoffed, turning to look up at him; I didn't think I'd ever get used to his profanity. Grinning smugly, he added, "Cause I've got a heat-seeking moisture missile that I'd like to dock in that tight, slick, silo of yours."
Elbowing him in the chest, Negan let out a grunt, but continued to smile, completely amused with himself.
"You need to behave! Amy's gonna kill you if Abby's running around dropping f-bombs everywhere she goes." I turned back to look into the crib at the baby while Negan pressed his face against the side of my head.
"I thought you like it when I talk dirty," he murmured. His voice was thick, and I realized he was aroused. My cheeks turned pink, and I tried to pull away from him, but he hugged me tighter.
"Negan!" I said in a harsh whisper, but I was chuckling. He was relentless and began to kiss down my neck.
"Please don't bone in front of my child," Amy said, coming into the room with a pink towel wrapped around her red hair. "She's already going to see unimaginable horrors in this world. She doesn't need to see that."
I gave Amy an apologetic look as Negan's hand wrapped around mine.
"You've got it from here, Momma Bear?" he asked, pulling me towards the doorway. She nodded, glancing over to the crib where Abby was fast asleep.
"Yeah, just keep it down, would ya? These walls are thin, and I wanna get a nap in before Princess Pukes-A-Lot wakes up again."
"No fuckin' promises!" Negan called over his shoulder as we left the room. Before I could promise Amy we'd be quiet, he began leading me towards my bedroom. He was excited—more excited than he usually was.
"Negan!" I laughed, as we rushed down the hall. The urgency was apparent, and it made my heart flutter. He opened my door and held his hand out for me to go in.
Stepping inside my room, I was just about to turn to kiss him when I noticed something laying across my bed. The big grin on my face fell as I stared down at the black fabric and stepped closer to it.
A dress—just like his wives had.
"What is this?" I asked, though I knew exactly what it was. Slowing looking up at him, I noticed Negan's expression was still lust blown, but he also looked determined.
"I want to spend the rest of my life with you," he said, taking a step into the room and closing the door behind him. He unzipped his leather jacket and gestured as the dress. "Try it on."
"You gonna leave your wives?" I asked, stone faced and unmoving.
Negan let out a heavy sigh. "Elle…"
"Then I already gave you my answer." We had discussed this before, back when I was trying to make things work with Greenbrier. I refused to become his sixth wife, and he knew it.
"It's different with them," he argued, a stern look appearing on his face.
"Then why the hell are you giving me one of their dresses?" I accused, picking up the gown and bunching it up in my hands. I didn't understand where this was coming from. I thought things were good between us, and now he had to go and make everything complicated.
"Because I want you to marry me!" he bellowed. "Why do you have to be so fucking difficult about this shit?! King Mallrat is dead! You're all out of excuses, and there's no fucking reason you need to stay here."
"So we're on that again?" I asked, shaking my head in disbelief. How many times was he going to ask me to move to the Sanctuary with him? It felt like no matter what, we were always doomed to argue about it. This time it came with a proposal that he had probably thought was romantic, but had turned bitter the moment I saw that dress laying across my bed.
"Yeah, we're back on it! I shouldn't have to drive an hour just to be with you! It's bullshit!"
Living at Doveport put me out of his reach and he hated it, but I couldn't stand the idea of moving from the school to the factory. Not to mention, our current situation was still fairly new. Our feelings could be fleeting, and it was something I was all too aware of.
What would happen if he lost interest?
"Why can't you just be happy with how things are?" I asked, scanning his face. 'Why can't this be enough for you?"
"Because I'm not happy! Every time my dick gets hard, I can either drive to this fucking school, or I can fuck one of my wives."
"You're still sleeping with them?" I asked in a quiet voice. A heavy silence fell over us and I knew his answer before he even said it.
"It's fucking different!" he said defensively.
"Yeah, you said that already," I twisted away from him to go further into my room when he grabbed my arm.
"Will you just fucking listen to me? Those women hate my fucking guts. They aren't with me because they like me. They're just fucking using me. But you and I have something that's real. If you move to the Sanctuary, we won't have to be apart anymore."
"You want me to join them? I asked, really hoping that wasn't what he was proposing.
"Yes! Why are you so goddamn afraid of coming with me?!" His voice raised as he furrowed his brows and studied my face.
"Cause I don't want to be trapped inside your factory once I'm done being your favorite flavor of the month!"
We both closed our mouths and stared at one another.
There it was—presented out in the open.
My greatest fear—the fear that I was nothing more than a fling.
"Is that really how you feel?" he asked with little emotion in his voice.
"No…" I whispered as my voice cracked and I looked away. It wasn't how I felt. It's what I was afraid of—that what we had wouldn't last forever and he would get bored of me. Wasn't that why he had so many women back at the Sanctuary? The second he lost interest in me he'd have an entire collection of dolls to play with.
"I'm just tired. I'm tired of arguing about this with you again and again. I don't understand why you won't leave them. You have me. You don't need them anymore. I know you hate having to drive here, but I hate that I have to share you with an entire group of women just so you can play the savior."
The frisky mood we'd shared earlier while flirting in Amy and Eric's room was gone. He hadn't expected I would say no to his proposal, but I refused to be a wife. Negan's eyes went to the dress and then to my face. Like me, he wasn't going to budge. His wives were a big part of this new world he was building, but I couldn't join them.
"I can't commit to you if you won't commit to me." I held his hardened gaze as I stated my terms. The only way I'd ever agree to marriage was if it was just him and me.
"They were there first," he lamented.
My heart dropped and I swallowed hard. I'd thought what we had was more important than his harem, but I was wrong.
"Good," I said derisively and dropped the dress onto the floor. I suddenly felt like an exposed nerve standing before him. As I moved to leave the room, I kept my head down to hide the hurt on my face. "You can be with them then."
"Elle…" Negan said, turning to continue the conversation, but I was out the door before he could say anything else.
The rest of the evening dragged on for what felt like forever. Even though things were tense, Negan didn't leave the school. Instead, he opted to help Vivienne with dinner, something he had never once shown an interest in doing. I was glad he was leaving me alone, but frustrated that he hadn't just gone back to the Sanctuary.
In order to avoid him as best as I could, I went to take Abby off Amy's hands. Sitting outside so we could both get some fresh air with her bundled up in my arms, I watched Eric and Ryan work on the car. Amy came outside a short while later to inform us dinner was ready. After glancing at Negan's truck, she gave me a puzzled look. I shook my head as my way of saying I didn't want to talk about it.
I heard a loud boom off in the distance as thunder roared. Glancing up, I noticed some storm clouds were gathering and I hurriedly got to my feet and headed inside.
When we sat down for dinner, I was annoyed to find Negan would be sitting across from me. He stared right at me as everyone ate and chatted. The rain started pouring only a few minutes into dinner, and the cracking thunder was now right above our heads. Abby cried at each sudden noise, and Amy comforted her, rocking her from side to side.
The spaghetti was delicious; Negan had suggested using red pepper flakes and oregano for a little kick. Unfortunately, I found it hard to enjoy as Negan continued to stare at me with that blank expression.
"What happened to the Greenbriers?" Amy suddenly asked, making me freeze from taking another bite of twirled noodles. Silence followed her question and everyone looked at Negan. Finally, his eyes left me to study Amy.
"The Mallrats have all been integrated into the Sanctuary," he explained. "Even got some of those fuckers working in Viv's garden."
"How's that going?" Vivienne asked, picking up a glass of water and taking a sip as she watched Negan.
"Fucking fantastic! Everyone has plenty to eat."
They all continued to talk and I stared down at my plate. I was vaguely aware that Eric was asking Negan about getting a new vehicle for Doveport. I couldn't stand how he could act like everything was fine. The others had no idea I had turned down his marriage proposal only hours before.
"Elle, are you okay?" Amy asked, reaching over to touch my hand that was holding my fork. I hadn't picked it up in a couple minutes, and once Amy addressed me, everyone turned their attention on me.
"Yeah," I mumbled, getting up from the table. "I'm just tired. I think I'm gonna go lay down."
"Didn't you like the spaghetti?" Negan's voice was monotone, and I met his gaze.
"It was fine," I said, looking away from him and heading towards the hall. As I rounded the corner, I froze as I heard Amy's voice.
"Are you gonna spend the night?" she asked Negan.
"Sure, but I think Elle's pissed at me. Can I bunk with you, Momma Bear?" Negan's voice carried over and I closed my eyes.
Goddamn it.
Of course he would spend the night.
I didn't wait to hear Amy's response and hurried to my room. After closing the door, I went to lay down on my bed and found the black dress was draped across the mattress once again. Picking it up, I threw it across the room and watched it pool onto the floor near the door. I was sick of looking at it. Burying my face into my pillow, I let out a loud, frustrated sigh.
An hour later, I decided I would get ready for bed. It wasn't even that late, but I just wanted to be done with the day. Opening my door, I was ready to head to the bathroom when I found Negan standing out in the hallway waiting for me. He was leaning against the wall and his eyes went to me the minute I stepped out. Briefly meeting his gaze, I quickly looked away and began heading down the hall towards the locker rooms.
"You can sleep in Phil's room," I said simply. It was my way of telling him sex was off the table. I expected him to argue with me, or at the very least follow me, but he didn't. Even once I finished getting ready for bed and I returned to my room, I found him still standing in the hallway, completely silent. I didn't say anything to him and closed the door.
Crawling onto my bed, I laid down on my side and stared at the dress that was still crumpled up on the floor. Just the very sight of it was pissing me off. I went to roll over so I wouldn't have to see it when I glanced back. After a few minutes of contemplating, I got up from my bed and walked across the room.
Bending over to pick up the pooled fabric, I held it against my body and stared down at it. It was a sleeveless, a-line dress, with a high neckline. It cut off just above the knees and the fabric was nice; not quite soft, but it was definitely expensive. I remembered fantasizing about wearing a dress just like it.
Glancing over to make sure the door was still closed, I laid the dress down on the bed and pulled my nightshirt off. Moving quickly, as if I could be caught at any moment, I pulled the gown over my head and then zipped it up.
I couldn't help but smile a little as I stared down at myself. It was surprisingly comfortable, and I hadn't worn a dress since before the dead came back to life. Twirling in place, I studied myself and then frowned. The dress practically emphasized the little pink and white scars on my arms and legs. Sure I felt pretty, but I looked more like a corpse ready to be buried.
Glancing back at my nightshirt that I had tossed onto my bed, I almost went to take the dress off when I remembered the first time I'd slept with Negan. He had called me beautiful, despite my scars. They didn't seem to turn him off, and I wondered if they would now.
Only one way to find out…
Going over to the door, I peeked out into the hall to find Negan was no longer there. Creeping out of my room and making sure no one was out and about, I moved as quietly as possible towards Negan's room. Turning the knob, I went in and pulled the door shut behind me quickly.
Negan had undressed down to his boxers. The light was on, and he appeared to have been just getting into bed. He was laying on his side when I entered and turned to look at me. His eyes widened in surprise and I held my arms up as if presenting myself.
"I just wanted to try it on. This doesn't mean anything, okay?"
He sat up at the edge of the bed, staring up at me awestruck. I walked over to him and turned to show him how well the dress fit me. When he didn't say anything, I smiled sheepishly.
"I think I know how they can wear this thing everyday. It feels amaz-"
I couldn't finish.
Next thing I knew, Negan stood up from the bed and pressed his lips to mine. His kiss was rough and desperate, and I closed my eyes and melted into it. When he broke away, that same aroused look from earlier had returned.
"You look so fucking beautiful," he murmured, as his hands glided down my hips. Once his fingers found the hem of the dress, he began lifting it up. Pressing his mouth against my ear, he rasped, "Now take it off."
I couldn't have undressed faster if I tried.
I hadn't bothered with underwear while getting ready for bed, so once the dress fell onto the floor I was completely bare before him. Once I was free of the garment, Negan's hands returned to me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, meeting him in another delicious kiss. He grabbed my ass and lifted me up, so I wrapped my legs around him. Carrying me to the bed, he dropped me down and I bounced a bit on the mattress.
"Lay back," he whispered, guiding me to do so by pressing a hand on my abdomen. I did as he said, leaning down against the bed. Without hesitating, he separated my legs, exposing my heat to him. I felt his nose rub up against my skin as his face disappeared between my thighs and I held my breath in anticipation.
The second his tongue hit my flesh, I began to writhe, but Negan held me still. Bringing up a fist, I bit down onto my own hand to muffle the little moans I made as he pressed in further, gently licking at my arousal. His beard brushed against my skin, causing me to shudder.
He knew me all too well—he had each and every sweet spot mapped out. The pleasure was so intense, and it only took a few minutes of him delving his tongue in and out before I felt that familiar tight coil growing impossibly tighter. Squeezing my eyes shut, I waited for him to take me over that glorious edge and unravel heaven.
And then he stopped.
I looked down to see him grinning from between my legs.
"Marry me," he said teasingly, as he held my legs open, refusing to bring me to my climax.
"Fuck you," I groaned, throwing my head back and trying to thrust forward. I was so close I could barely think straight.
"You already have, sweetheart." He was completely amused at the way I was squirming—my body was begging him to finish what he started.
Crawling over me, I glared up at him as I panted. I wanted so badly to wipe the stupid smirk off his face, but then his hand slid down my front and his fingers found my aching core, causing me to moan loud.
"Right there. Oh god, Negan. Please don't stop."
Seconds later, I reached total ecstasy. We locked eyes as I rode out my high. My mouth opened partially, and I trembled as electricity coursed through every single nerve.
As I came down, Negan's lips found mine in a delicate kiss, and I returned it happily. Then I pulled away from him to try and catch my breath.
"I might just move to the fucking school if you won't come with me to the Sanctuary," he said, getting up from the bed.
I smiled while watching him as he pulled his boxers down to reveal an impressive erection
"You know you can't," I said, giving him a sad smile as he returned to me.
"I can do whatever the fuck I want," he said before kissing me again.
"Oh yeah?" I taunted, sounding doubtful just to egg him on. Negan was kissing down my neck and I felt him smile against my skin.
"I got you into that damn dress, didn't I?" He bent my knees to help me brace myself against the bed.
"No, you got me out of it," I pointed out just as he lined himself up at my entrance. His mouth found mine again and he kissed me deeply before sitting back and smirking.
"Beg for it."
I could feel his length rubbing against my folds, but he held still and didn't enter me. Shaking my head in refusal, I returned his cocky grin.
"Make me."
Negan's smirk grew and he buried his face against my neck, nipping and kissing.
"Come on, Elle," he coaxed. His voice was strained, but I was struggling to keep it together too. Hearing him say my name was enough to turn me on all over again.
His hand moved back down and disappeared between my thighs. His fingertips lightly brushed against my dripping heat, and I gasped as he touched my over-sensitive bud.
"Do you like it when I touch you like this?" he asked teasingly, moving slowly. "Tell me what you want, baby." The tip of his cock rubbed up against my entrance and I jerked forward, desperate to feel him.
"Negan…" I moaned, getting lost in the intense feeling. It was too much.
"Yes?" he asked, meeting my eyes. He looked really pleased with himself and it brought me back down to reality, if only for a moment.
"You're an asshole," I muttered, narrowing my eyes at him.
He grinned and his hand froze, causing me to whine. He was dragging it out on purpose, edging me closer and closer. Deciding I didn't need him to finish it a second time, I slid my hand down my stomach, but Negan snatched my wrist before I even made it past my belly button.
"Uh uh. Nope." He grabbed body my hands and pinned them above my head. Exasperated, I bucked up, trying to rub against him to cause friction.
"Come on, Elle. Where are those sweet manners of yours?"
I shook my head vigorously, not wanting to give in to him. His grip tightened on my wrists and he moved his mouth by my ear.
"If you ask nicely, I'll give you want you want," he teased, hooking an arm around my leg to hold me in place.
"What I want?" I asked, letting out an exasperated laugh. I loved playing hard to get with him and knew he was struggling, same as me.
"Mhmm," Negan purred.
"I already got mine," I said, biting back a moan. "I don't need to beg for anything."
A moment later, he had me eating those words.
Negan's hand returned and his fingers began to circle my bud.
"Are you fuckin' sure about that?" he husked. As my hips sat up to better rub against his fingers, I knew right then and there I was done for. I hated to give in, but the reward was too good to keep fighting him. As I pressed up against his hand, I felt myself get closer and closer to the edge again. Biting into his arm lightly, I silently hoped he wouldn't notice I was about to come. I was almost there when he slowed his movements and I let out a pitiful whimper.
"Just say the magic word…" he whispered into my ear.
I was too far gone to care, and hoping I didn't look as desperate as I felt, I finally gave in.
"Please."
The second it left my lips, Negan thrust inside me with one smooth motion and I cried out. Grunting as he slid further in, I threw my head back onto the bed and let my hips rock with him as he began pumping in and out at a rapid pace. We'd been together countless times, but somehow every time felt just as exciting and intense as the first.
All the teasing had made us both overly aroused. As he pounded into me, I knew it wouldn't take long. A little harmony of moans filled the room, and I didn't care about keeping it down—the sound was intoxicating and brought me closer to that desired high.
When I reached my peak, I felt my walls clench around him. Negan covered my mouth with his hand to stifle my loud cries. His taunting had cost him too, because moments later his movements slowed, his shaft twitched, and then he came inside me.
Once finished, he collapsed on top of me and then rolled over to my side. Laying his head against my breasts, he nuzzled against them. We were both gasping for breath and smiling in total satisfaction.
"Fuck," Negan sighed, as his chest rose up and down. "You don't know what you do to me, Elle."
I lifted my hand to his hair and ran my fingers through it. It was sweaty and tussled, but I combed through it and inhaled his scent. My heart was still pounding and he moved his head to the side as if to listen to my heart.
Glancing over at the floor, my eyes caught the sight of the black dress pooled there. I had come to him that night because I'd felt insecure about my scars, but hadn't once thought about them while being with him.
He made me feel so normal—so beautiful—so alive.
I stared at the dress, wondering if he would ever wear me down about becoming a wife.
Because in that moment, holding him in my arms as he drifted off to sleep, there was a tiny part of me that wanted to say yes.