Hey so...I really need to know if anyone is still reading this, because if not, then I'm gonna just take it down. :(
To Q Zone- Godzilla 2014 OST :D
Jay's P.O.V. (italics are from when he is a kid)
Something cool and wet pats at my forehead, tugging me back into awareness.
"Careful Ray, you don't want it to split open again."
"What are you gonna do about his dad?"
"Rachel I'll take care of it. Just listen to Shy."
"I killed him Dare- what- what if they-"
"Rachel. I promise it won't come to that okay?" He sounds gentle. A quiet sniffle is the response and Darian rushes to reassure his foster child.
"Look I'll take Alani. We'll go back and clean it up okay? The rivers right next to that shack anyway."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be." That sounds like Shy. And she sounds very mad. "That man got what was coming to him. And if it wasn't you, it would've been someone else. Alan Snow made a lot of enemies and his friends were getting fed up with him leaching off their gangs." There's movement and a small pinch in my hand. "Don't think much about it sweetie, you did nothing wrong."
There's a deep ache in my head, a pounding that makes me wary of opening my eyes. If the light seeping through my eyelids is painful, then the surely bright lights of the back room will be excruciating. This is nothing compared to the rest of my body, which throbs with agony. There isn't a patch of skin where the pain doesn't reside and while I've only been on this earth eight years, I have never experienced the horrible ache that is this. Which is saying something.
Because I know pain.
Still I feel it's important for my presence to be known in the conscious world, even if it won't last long. I let out a soft grunt at a particular firm push on my abdomen.
Immediately the voices are hushed, and there's a loud pounding of boots on the wood floor.
"Jay?" A pair of hands accompany the voice, blessedly cool as they touch my face. They're to big to be Rachel's though, and the voice is too rough to be Shy's. Alani then. The roughness of the skin confirms it. Her calluses never went away despite the ten years she's been away from Jamaica.
"Jayson. Sweet one. You are hurt, you must lie still." I can't though, the pain has become too much. Maybe if I could just breath, then the fire in my chest would stop. And if I didn't have to focus on my chest then I'd be able to control the rest of my body, I could ignore the pain I could-
"Jay. Please-" Thats Rachel. My body moves instinctively, writhing in pain but still squirming towards her nontheless. It's been less than a year, but she has come to mean safety.
A low moan skips from my mouth, and there's a prick in my arm that sends me to oblivion.
…
"What do you mean?" Rachel shifts, uncomfortable with Dare's presence, even more uncomfortable with Shy and Alani seated next to her. They can't see it, I know, but I can tell she wants to be the only one in the room. She too, has become increasingly protective of me. But they insisted on being here when I asked what happened, and seeing as I'm able to stay awake for longer than five minutes now, they figured it was time.
It's been forty eight hours since Rachel stole Darien's gun and ran across the city to put a bullet in my father. Forty eight hours since Dare speed across miami to get her. Twenty three since I stopped breathing.
Broken ribs with malnutrition and dehydration will do that to a child's body. My system was simply to weak to continue breathing, and if that doesn't say something about my situation, I don't know what will.
"I mean, Rachel shot him. With my gun."
I'm scared by that. I can't explain why, but I am, because I don't know what it means for me.
"We went back there to...clean up…" Darien is in the RNP's, so I can see why he'd feel it necessary to dispose of evidence...plus if anyone found the body they might find Rachel and I and then that would lead to Alani's non-existent citizenship or his criminal record. Which would then leave Shy alone in the heart of gang territory. Not on his watch, and not on my behalf.
"...cleaned the blood, found the shell casing, and the bullet was in the wall. We left the place as it was though, just bleached some stuff to get rid of DNA before spreading some dirt to make it grimy again. Nobody important was there before, so no one's gonna be looking at it now. "
"Wait…" I croak, shifting slightly as I'm propped up by pillows to make breathing easier. I wince as the movement tweaks my ribs.
"He's not dead?" I ask.
"No." Alani answers, looking angry and frustrated, a mirror image of Rachel but the exact opposite of her sister who look generally frightened.
"There was no body, and the blood trail ended by the river. We couldn't stick around to look more, but it's safe to say he needed help." I swallow painfully.
"He'll come after you." Rachel blinks at my words, as I'm clearly referring to them.
"Excuse me?" She snipes, voice bitter and angry.
"He will." I repeat.
"Abusers do not switch victims unless their current target is out of reach. And he won't accept that you're unavailable till you're dead. So I believe you would be his first target." She snarls.
"Okay…" I murmur. Rage, certifiable rage, crosses her features. She stands abruptly, making the night stand rumble.
"Are you shitting me right now?!"
"Rachel!"
"NO!" She snaps at Shy. "He's doing exactly what his dad wants! He's giving him everything and I won't allow it!" I blink in surprise and she turns on me, crossing the room in two steps so she can get close to me, her face inches from mine.
"You listen here Jay." She snarls. "Don't you dare give him this. You are not worthless, you are not dirty or pathetic or tainted and you most certainly aren't stupid. You stop believing that right now, because I promise you, when he says those things, he's talking about himself." He voice softens slightly and it gets hard to intake oxygen.
"I know it's going to take time Jay, I do, but I will convince you of it. I will make you believe the truth. You've been hiding from me for a year now and I understand that you were afraid of what would happen if you got close. Well guess what. He went after you because of me, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let him. I wouldn't have done that if I didn't care for you Jay. Shy wouldn't have saved your life if she didn't care about you. Dare and Alani wouldn't have risked everything going back there if they didn't want you here." She rubs a thumb across my wrist as the tears sting the cuts on my face.
"Let me in Jay. Stay here, with us. Let us show you what it's like to have a family that loves you."
I look around the room, gasping for breath as I cry. It hurts. It hurts so bad, because I want this, want this like nothing I've ever wanted before. My soul cries for it, reaching for it from deep inside my chest as I look around the room. Each adult, even Dare, a guy who's killed, shows emotion on his face. They agree with her.
The concept of being wanted is not as foreign as I would think, because I knew four weeks after meeting her that Rachel never wanted to let me go. But it's weird enough to be thought of, and now she's saying it out loud.
Her thumb never leaves my wrist, constantly pressing, swiping back and forth across the pulse point there. The presence never leaves, even as I agree, nodding because I'm sobbing to hard to speak.
Maybe not a family. Not a normal one. More of a group of unwanted people, a group of people considered worthless by society that got thrown together. And it might just be a violent, protectiveness that holds us together, but we can stay.
It's more than I've ever had. So I'll take it.
...
"You were nine?!" Erin yells, shocked beyond reason. I nod.
"Well. Actually more like eight and four months or so." She just blinks, still in total shock. We've moved to the couch, because it's easier on my back. Erin's cross legged while I'm stretched out, my body weight keeping the ice pack sandwiched between the couch and my aching muscles.
"Jay I…" She looks close to tears.
"Erin, don't apologize. I don't want it."
"I wasn't going to give you pity!" She snaps. It takes less effort to keep calm now, I'm too tired to feel much emotion.
"I know. But it'd be like me apologizing for how Bunny treated you. I am not her and it only patronizes…" I trail off as she nods in understanding.
"So-" She pauses. "So is he still…?"
"Alive? Maybe. At least I think so. Rachel would like to believe he fell into that river or bleed out somewhere but...He never came after me though, so it's very possible he's been killed by now, if he even made it through that night."
"Okay, so you lived with them as kid right? How did...I mean with Will…" The grin that crosses my face is genuine, just as my happiness is as I think of my mother.
"So my dad...he had a thing with my mom. He was real abusive then too, so I couldn't tell you if he...took my mother or if it was willing but she...she stayed until I was about three, then left him. And me. I forgave her a long time ago. To get out of an abusive relationship is hard enough, to take the kid who looks just like your abuser… well I never blamed her." Taking a deep breath I continue, past exhausted with today's events.
"So I lived with them for five years and then...Dare he, uh, got killed one night in a shootout. Alani and Shy decided to keep the restaurant open, but Rachel was sixteen and she was ready to leave. Problem was, she was determined to get into the armed forces. So she lied about her age or...I don't know hacked into the right computer one day… she was accepted and we had a big fight that ended with me running out of the house in the rain because I was so mad. I felt she was leaving me behind and just didn't care. I was hurt and betrayed and I just...I left us like that. Ran all night. Next morning I was at this small mini mart thing, on the good part of Miami for once. And I...I heard my name."
Lindsay shift closer to me, carefully curling into my side as I pause, throat suddenly tight. She squeezes me hand, encouraging me to continue.
"I thought it was her you know? But then I turn around and this woman just about sprints up the aisle and tackles me in a hug and starts saying all these things about missing me and thinking I was dead and she's apologizing again and again and...I mean I had nothing else to do so she drives me to this random place to get a paternity test and next thing I know I'm at this hotel with this other kid who's a year and a half older than me and surprise! I have a brother and a step dad. My mom, she argued with her husband- my dad, I don't really consider the other guy my uh...anyway- she argued for a solid four hours while Will and I just kinda hung out by the pool talking."
At this Erin laughs, clearly picturing the scene.
"I wish I could've meet her." She says softly.
"Yeah." I agree, still smiling slightly. "She was like an older version of you. Didn't take any shit. It was because of her I went back with them to Chicago and she knew a person or two in some key places, so I only needed my birth certificate, which she had, and suddenly I'd been part of their family since I was born. Will and I hit it off, and he knew about most of what I...you know."
I trail off as my voice threatens to crack. My mom, I can think with happiness and fond memories. With Will I...I can't. Not yet. Not with how he died. A deep ache in my chest manifests itself at his name.
"God I miss him." I whisper. My eyes burn so I close them, struggling to inhale.
"I know." Erin whispers softly, hugging me tight.
"Thank you." I murmur, pressing my lips into her hair. "For being here and doing this." She lifts her head and looks at me with such love in her eyes it takes my breath away and chases the hurt from my heart.
"I'd never be anywhere else." She replies, then stretches up to press her lips to mine. Leaning back she drops her head slightly while I linger.
"Do you love her Jay?" I blink, confused.
"Who?"
"Rachel."
A swirl of emotions rips through, anger and uncertainty at her question, fear and concern at her reaction and surge of defensiveness.
"Yes." The reply is immediate and I can see Erin drawing back, confused and offended, but I refuse to lie to her.
"I love her Erin, in the same way I love Will. The difference is with her...if she died I wouldn't be able to get past that. At least, I don't think I would. And that scares the shit out of both of us, because it goes both ways. We have the tendency to be emotionally cut off, because it protects us. But with each other we're so connected it's...she saved me Er. We grew up together we fought together, we fought for each other...I just-"
"Jay." She cuts off my ranting, and understanding look on her face. "I get it. And I'm not going to start asking you who you love more, because that's not fair. I know she's important to you and that's what matters. Just as I know I'm important to you-"
I crash my lips against hers in elation, tasting the beer dinner.
"You're not just important to me." I whisper, our foreheads touching. "I love you. I love you so much Erin Lindsay."
"I love you, Jay Halstead." She says with a smile.
Voight's P.O.V.
"Yeah." I answer the knock at the door and Alvin slips into my office, shutting the door and settling in a chair.
"We have a problem."
"Are we ignoring the possible gang war we started or are we looking past that to something else." Alvin's face is stony, a broad spectrum of emotions only visible to the trained eye available on his face.
"Something worse."
"This'll be good." I quip, really only wanting to go home Eight weeks since Jay got shot and we are still no closer to figuring out who, what or why in regards to the warehouse raid. Which is infuriating to no end, because (ignoring that the people responsible for the near death of my detective are still out there) there were so many unanswered question.
According to O however, and with the stories I've heard about this group, that may be a good thing, despite how angry it makes me.
"So I know you said we had to put Halstead's case on the backburner for a little while-" That's another thing- the team insists on calling it 'Halstead's case' instead of the Chekov murders or whatever it would be. A bad habit in my opinion, because when Jay comes back on the team, it'll be fun time trying to get him to let that go.
"-but I've been doing some digging. And one of my C.I's, I helped his sister get out of a pretty bad relationship, so he agreed to give me a little insight on the Riders." A file is dropped onto my desk, slim and empty looking. Al stays quiet, indicating his reluctance to talk less I peek inside.
"Who's this guy?" I ask, staring at a grainy, black and white photo of a shady lookin' guy, whom I feel as if I knew at some point.
"That's Tim Shannon. Thirty six years old. Or he would have been. If he wasn't killed last last year."
"Why is this important?"
"Because Mr. Shannon was a part of the DG's, on the lower left side. This-" Another photo floats onto my desk. "-is Raymond Todd. Also thirty six, only he's still alive. He's part of the West Bay gang, ironically now on the northern end of the city."
I stare at the two images, trying and failing to see a connection.
"So?"
"So….This guy was outside the apartment complex on Westford street for three hours the night of August fifteenth, last year. That's so far out of his territory, it's almost a different country for him. It's smart too, because if he did something, we'd look to local gangs first, not him."
"Al. Just get to the point. How do they connect?" Olinski's mouth sets in a thin line, that expression of his face reserved only for when he's worried about family.
"My C.I… now he explicitly implied that this was what they did. These men, they were under orders, carried down not from their bosses, but from someone higher up- someone more powerful than the gangs themselves. And it makes sense really, because these guys couldn't have gone into complete opposite territory without starting all out war. Hank-" He leans forward, taking off his hat, a nervous tick that I've come to associate with worry, because if Al is nervous, well…
"-Mouse's apartment is in that complex. I think the only reason he wasn't attacked or worse was because there was a large police presence there that night- some car accident that attracted a lot of attention. But this guy, Tim Shannon? His car was parked two blocks south of Jay's apartment, same night, same time." I glare at the picture on my desk.
"This is the guy that killed Will."
"And he was under orders from someone in the Riders. This wasn't just a hit against Halstead, or against Intelligence. This was an act of power- a warning shot."
"A message to somebody close to both Jay and Mouse." I speculate, nodding as the crazy jumbled pieces of his story finally start to make some sense.
"Here's what I don't get though. A threat from the most powerful criminal organization in the world to a cop in Chicago?"
"Someone close to a cop in Chicago..." I pause.
"Isn't Jay in the Rangers?"
I'm back...sort of...but for real guys if you don't like this story there are plenty of other ideas I can be working on. Personally I was really excited to get too certain part of this- exploring the team dynamic and how they react to outsiders who may or may not know Jay better than they do- as well as major challenge to how they work as a team and just general feels out the ass
But I got a total of seven reviews over the last two chapters...so I'm leaving it up to you guys. Sometimes an author's just gotta scrap an idea, no matter how much they liked it.
Please let me know! The review box is right over there-