When The Darkness Comes by Shelby Merry is what I listened to while writing this. Honestly way more fitting for an aftermath to the freaking Claire incident, but my brain will not get on track and just do it already. I swear I'll get there though. lol Enjoy!
They go together, but very much apart. They enter the arcade twenty minutes apart and never play the same game at the same time. They don't even linger within the vicinity of the other, usually a couple games away. Occasionally they'll waste money on a game and only half play in order to watch the other from afar, but it just isn't the same as those days they spend gaming at Eli's house. It causes a painful pang in their hearts, but they know better than to do or say anything. They simply continue the routine for an hour, until they are running pretty low on coins.
Eli wanders toward the claw machine. It is the only one he hasn't played and the only one he has no chance of winning. He stares wistfully into the container, surveying the tiny stuffed creatures from a minion to Darth Vader tightly packed together. He sighs. The odds are stacked high against him and anyone foolish enough to waste their money on it.
Steve grins and chuckles to himself as he wins yet another game. "Too good." He spins around and struts to the center of the room to check and see if there are any other games he wants to play. He is pretty sure he has played them all now. Beat them all too. That's when he notices Eli. He smirks. The dork probably wants one of those silly toys. It's such a childish whim at their age. And that alone should be enough to keep Steve from going anywhere near El right now, but he's gotten a little too comfortable with just walking up to his friend outside of school, and so he does just that. He stops just short of speaking, half afraid someone might wonder why he is talking to Eli and half because he doesn't want to break the peaceful moment.
Unfortunately it is broken only a second later. "Check it out," a boy jeers as they walk up. "Looks like little Eli's still into dolls."
Eli starts and glares at the boy.
A laugh bellows from the opposite direction as another boy comes and leans on the machine. "Cause the only reasons guys play this is for their girls. And I know he ain't got a girlfriend."
Eli ducks his head his lips curl up in a pout. "I could have a girlfriend. You don't know."
They burst out laughing. "You hear that? He could have one, he says."
Eli clenches his fist and does his best to scowl back at them, but there's no denying the hurt that flickers in his eyes. He wishes so badly to have Steve here to rescue him.
One boy's lips twist into a malicious grin as he pins Eli beneath his black stare. "What do you think, Steve?"
Steve snaps to attention. What? No. His eyes widen. He knew he should have never wandered so close to Eli. Mistake number one. They kept their distance in public for a reason damn it. But now he has to answer. His heart beats faster. He can't just ignore a direct question, especially from someone he generally hangs with at school. Generally picks on Eli with. He swallows hard. This could be it. He could choose to make this the moment he breaks cover. No longer cares what people think of him. But when he opens his mouth, "Probably a queer."
Eli gapes and his heart plummets.
The boys continue to watch Steve expectantly.
Steve doesn't want to, his heart rebels against his words, but he has to keep going, "I mean," he scoffs, "have you seen the way he looks at Jim. Or acts around him for that matter."
The boys cackle.
Eli is painfully short of breath and he struggles to keep his hands from trembling as Steve's words sink in. The laughter echoes in his head and he feels himself shrinking second by second. His stomach twists itself into knots and tears blur his vision. He isn't sure how long he can hold it together. He needs to get out. Out. Out. He bolts.
There is a pang in Steve's heart as he watches Eli flee. He couldn't see Eli's face, but he sensed that Eli was more upset than usual. The faint quiver about his body was especially telling. He wants so much to go after him, to make sure his friend is alright, but he has a feeling going empty handed would be mistake number two.
So he approaches the claw machine. It isn't much, but Eli was looking at them so it's something.
One boy smirks. "Winning one for your girl?"
Steve blinks and hesitates for a beat. "Yeah." He smiles and goes along with it. It's easier that way.
…
It takes Steve way too many tries to get the stupid thing, especially with those idiots hovering over his shoulders and backseat gaming, particularly when they boo him for missing. Even once he manages it he has to endure a barrage of questions as to why in the world he'd go for the Star Wars one instead of something like a cute pink bunny. Was his girl seriously into that kind of stuff? He rattles off answers through grit teeth before getting out of there as fast as possible. He doesn't have time for this. He needs to get to Eli.
He is so focused that he drives right up to the house, only realizing he broke their vehicle distance rule when he opens the door to find himself face to face with Eli's mother. She pins him beneath a stare so full of hate that it makes his blood run cold. For a moment he is frozen, unsure of what to do next. Only able to stare into the eyes of the beast.
Angie sneers and turns hard on her heel. It's the only way to hold her tongue. She liked this boy well enough. He was good Eli. At least she thought. But her boy just ran to his room crying with Steve's name on his lips. And it's hard not to judge that. And that's why she walked away. To give Steve one last chance.
Steve lets out a breath and the tension drains from him. That…was a terrible sign. He casts a glance toward the stairs and his concern for Eli deepens. Eli's mother doesn't get mad, not like that. And she has never looked at him that way. Did he really upset Eli that badly? He shuffles up the stairs, stopping just in front of Eli's room. The door towers over him as he stares, fear seizing control of his limbs and causing him to hesitate. It's something he's never felt when faced with Eli's room. He swallows hard, swallows the anxiety, and enters.
Eli lifts his narrowed eyes to meet Steve's, searing him with a scornful gaze.
Steve is taken aback, but the scorn is not enough to conceal Eli's deepest emotion, and Steve is rattled to the core by the sheer amount of pain packed into those normally bright green eyes. Now they are puffy and coated by a sheen of tears. There is a slight quiver about his friend as well. "Eli," he breathes, taking tentative steps forward.
"You ass," he says through grit teeth. Says what he wanted to say the instant Steve said those horrible things about him but was too afraid, too emotionally volatile. Fragile. Still is. He can feel his throat tighten even now.
Steve sits next him. He frowns as he drums his fingers against the small toy in his hands. "You know I didn't mean what I said, right?" His brow knit together. "But we've got to keep our cover. Otherwise people will figure out what we do."
"When are you going to admit it? Just admit it already," his voice is tight and cracks at the edges. His lips tremble along with his hands.
Steve stares blankly at him. "Admit what?" He searches Eli's face desperately. His friend is falling apart at the seams and he can't understand why. His words never did this before. And he even went so far as to call him a waste of space once!
"It's not about cover. It's never been about cover!" Eli yells. "You're ashamed to be seen with me. For people to know you're my friend," he breaks into sobs and the tears spill down his face.
Steve's eyes widen and his heart beats double time. What does he do? What the hell is he supposed to do? His mind goes into a frenzy. "N-No, that's not true." He reaches up to lay a hand on Eli's shuddering shoulder.
Eli smacks it away. "Don't lie to me." He only cries harder, and every word stutters out of him, "I'm not stupid. You've hurt me enough today. Don't call me stupid too."
Steve swallows the lump in his throat as he watches Eli carefully, hung up on what exactly to do. What can he do? "Eli…"
Eli struggles to steady himself, wiping an arm over his eyes. "I-I thought I could live with it. Being…being your dirty little secret. But then," his lip quivers and he tears up again. "You went and told them. You told. You knew how I felt about Jim. But you…" he buries his face in his hands and sobs harder.
Steve feels tears prick at his eyes and his heart cracks. He feels sick with himself. "I'm sorry," he whispers, his voice wavering. It's all he can find to say that isn't some feeble excuse. He could say again and again how badly he needs this – his stupid image. How it gives him power, a sense of being more important than he could ever dream of being anywhere else, makes him special. But for Eli, having a friend who is not afraid to admit it, that is just as important to him as Steve's image. So he knows better than to even try. Instead he simply gets up, slowly, sets the toy on the bed next to Eli, and walks away.
Eli gnashes his teeth, barely swallowing a scream as he seizes the Vader plush and throws it at the wall.
It bounces off the wall and rolls back to his feet.
Eli crumbles, sinking from the bed and to his knees on the floor. "I hate you," he says through his sobs. He grabs the plush and squeezes. "I hate you so much. I just-just…" he shakes his head. "Don't understand." He hugs the plush close to his chest and presses his face into it, his tears soaking the cotton. "Why am I not enough?"
K, remember the cute art that I said inspired last chapter? It was actually a claw machine and not a carnival. So I had it in my head boys would pick on Eli for looking at the toys in the machine, Steve would see it, win him something, and give it to him at his house to make him feel better. Cute, right? Just like the art. But then...my brain decided to angst it up. And Steve had to go and be an insecure jerk. I felt rotten getting rid of the cute completely by going with this horrible plot and so the short carnival chapter happened. Yeeeeah. In case the toy factor felt similar, that's why.
I hope you liked the Eli angst. Don't get that as much as Steve angst. Also this needs to be a thing that gets covered in the show later if Steve tries to keep their friendship on the downlow for too long. Cause, like, Steve is probably legit Eli's only friend. Yet he is ashamed to be seen as his friend in public. And that just hurts to think about. At some point Eli would need to get upset by it too, even if nothing drastic like this happened.
Also if you don't think Eli has a big crush on Jim then you are wrong and that is all there is to it. Please review!