Chapter 2: Empty

I felt you escape into empty space

Where my heart can't feel

Down in that darkness

You met all the things you feared

-Stomach it by Crywolf ft. Eden

Haley was pissed off. A few days ago, she was concerned, but now she was truly angry. Jay wasn't answering her calls. He barely talked to her, and when he did, it was about the case. She knew she was new to the team. She understood not wanting to talk to a practical stranger, even if that stranger was someone you trusted with your life. She got it, she did. But it still hurt.

He was spiraling, she could tell, and all he allowed her to do was to stand there and watch. And the thing was, she sometimes got the feeling that the reason he doesn't talk about things wasn't because he didn't want to, it's because he honestly couldn't. But still, it grated on her.

The thing is, she wanted to trust him. She wanted a partnership with him because he was one of the best cops on the force. He was calm and collected and, frankly, easy on the eyes. She was well aware that he was taken, even if Lindsey wasn't there anymore, probably never will be again. Jay struck her as a one woman kind of guy, and she liked it. She liked being able to admire his blue eyes and his muscular body and his kind smiles without it having to mean, or lead to, anything. She just wanted to be a friend, but Haley wasn't sure he would be considering her one anytime soon. Not after what happened with the undercover case.

She knew what she said was right, that she didn't cross any lines, but doubts always crept in her mind, especially when he walked around like she didn't exist.

For a brief moment, she wondered what Erin would have done, but she quickly dismissed the thought. She wasn't Erin. She never would be. She's Haley Upton, and she'd have to be enough.

Haley took a deep breath and dialed his number again. Maybe the 9th time's the charm.

Turned out, it was.

"Hello?" His voice was hoarse, like he'd just woken up.

"Hey, Jay. Did I wake you?"

"'course not, it's like 6 pm," his tone was almost teasing, and she barely suppressed a sigh of relief.

Then she checked the time, and the relief was replaced by concern. "Jay, it's 10 pm."

"Oh."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

There was an awkward silence, which she broke after a few seconds by asking him to meet her at Molly's.

"Haley, I can't-"

She cut him off. "Jay, please, just go to Molly's. Let's have a drink, talk."

"I don't want to talk, Haley. I just want to sleep." He sounded exhausted. The bone-deep exhaustion that dragged you down.

"Will you, though?" Her question was direct, but she made sure to keep her tone gentle.

The silence she was met with was telling. "Meet me there?"

He sighed. "Alright, I'll be there in a few."

"I'll see you there."

He looked worse than he did yesterday. He was practically dragging his feet, his hair was unkempt and his eyes shadowed. He looked haunted, and that scared her to the bones.

"Hey."

He sat down opposite her and looked down at the beer she ordered for him. Strangely, he didn't drink from it, actually pushed it away. "Hi, Haley."

"How are you doing?"

Jay rolled his eyes. "I'm getting really tired of people asking me that."

She tried to keep her tone even, not to let his attitude aggravate her. "You've looked in the mirror lately, right? Can you blame us?"

"If this is why you asked me to come here, then I'm leaving."

He made a move to get up, but she put a hand on his arm. "Sit down, Jay. I'm not done."

He sat down, looking as miserable as she felt. Maybe she shouldn't push him anymore. Maybe she should stay out of his business.

"Well?"

His annoyance was clear, but she brushed it off.

"Jay, What happened with Louise-"

"I don't want to talk about it, Haley." The words were measured, controlled and she knew he was getting angry. She didn't let it stop her. "Well, that's too bad, Jay, because we will."

He clenched his jaw, stayed silent.

"I need to know you're 100%,Jay. You're my partner and I need to know that you'll have my back." The words hurt, she could tell. And though some part of her knew they were true, she'd said them mostly to get a reaction out of him, to get him talking.

"Of course I have your back, you know that. You have to know that, Haley." He sounded almost desperate. And though she should have stopped there, she didn't.

"Do I, Jay? Cause a few days ago, you pulled a gun on me."

He reeled back as if she'd slapped him. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. In that moment, she wanted to take it back, wanted to erase the hurt she'd caused him. But she steeled her resolve. It was a necessary evil.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "God, I'm so sorry, Haley. I don't know how that happened."

"Yes, you do, Jay. You know exactly how and why that happened." He didn't react to her words, just lowered his eyes to his hands, one of which was holding the beer bottle still as the other ripped the label. "I can't imagine what you've been through, but there are people who can, Jay. There are support grou-"

"I tried that, couldn't take it anymore."

"Take what?"

"Their pain. And the fact that some of them had been in support groups for years and they still struggle with nightmares and depression and PTSD." His eyes, red and watery, stared into hers. "I just couldn't take it," he repeated.

"Jay, it's always goona be there. It's never going away."

He laughed, sounding almost mocking. "You think I don't know that? I've been living with this for over ten years, Haley. I know it doesn't go away, but it's not getting any better, either."

He stood up. "I know you're trying to help, but you're not. "

And with that, he walked away. She closed her eyes, breathed in, and left too.

She'd back off, mainly because Jay was like an elastic that's been stretched too thin, and if she pushed more, he would snap. She'd keep an eye on him, though. Because no matter what, he was her partner, and partners looked out for each other.

Sooo, This Chapter is about three? four? Days early, lol.

Hope you liked this one! I love this dynamic and I really hope we see more of their friendship!

A big Thank you to Brenda Burn, Mariedonovan and the Guest for their reviews! Also, Thank you to everyone who added my story to their Follow/ Favorite Lists! I hope you all continue to enjoy this!