Shout out to howlongbeforeyoutalkaboutsand and Silmarillion279 for introducing the Gray Jedi Code into their fanfiction. They did it so good that I tried to replicate it somewhere and somehow. Of course, I failed, but it was still worth the try and very fun to do.
Some bad humor and just mildly mature content in this one.
"I have lost my rhythm.
I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
I have been robbed of
my filth."
Charles Bukowski, Play the Piano Drunk Like a Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin to Bleed a Bit.
Sometime later, as the celebration already turns into one big military drunken night (he has already given up any hope of sleeping properly, so he just orders a large cup of wine-coffee) he immerses himself into the small book entitled "The Code of the Gray Jedi". He never was the part of that brotherhood-sort of camaraderie, not even with the Knights of Ren. They meant nothing to him. They were always a tool to get what he wanted – freedom from the Jedi and the Light Side, and a peace of mind. And they failed miserably at both, which made him feel no remorse as they slaughtered one another in sectarian conflicts.
If he must be haunted by his late uncle's ghost, then he might as well welcome it awake and intellectually alert.
"There can be no chaos without order, no good without evil. Such is the way of the universe. The Force flows through us all, in all of its peace and passion. This, the Gray Jedi believe, and by this, we shall live…"
Although they suspiciously reek of some disorderly conduct, in his state these words feel so soothing to him. There is something genuine and at the same time, reasonable and human in those words (although Master Leor Danal was by no means a human). Peculiar things happen all the time. This book was really hard to come by as it was deeply buried in old Sith library beneath the Sith temple on Coruscant. Luke Skywalker didn't demolish the building, but he re-purposed it. First it was an infirmary, then it became a school, then he planned to make it a Jedi temple again, but the resurrection of the Empire in the form of the First Order put a stop to his plans.
Passion – there was a breaking point between him and the Jedi, one of many. Having that woman in his arms was the most exhilarating experience of his life, one that made him feel alive again and almost at peace with everything. Her very presence was enough to subdue the pain, like she possessed some unknown Jedi talent that she wasn't even aware of. Why would this be prohibited? Had they not tightened the leash around young Anakin Skywalker, he'd probably never slip into the Dark Side, he'd become a wise and powerful Jedi master and Padme's life wouldn't be ended in heart-break…
What is he thinking?
He felt the power of Darth Vader – it intoxicated him, it gave his strayed life a meaning, it gave him the resolve needed to discard the Jedi nonsense, to break free. But Vader wasn't free. He was Emperor's slave, bound to do his bidding.
But he is something different – he is free.
He feels the strong wine-coffee isn't enough to keep him awake. His chin soon hits his chest. He jumps, startled as he dives into these incoherent thoughts.
A movement behind him wakes him up completely.
Luke – gods of the galaxy be damned, you pestering old maniac!
But it's not the master, it's the apprentice now.
She is really there, in her long overcoat of deep blue, now appearing completely black, her rebellious Alderaanian buttons glistening on the dark texture like stars.
"I didn't want to startle you", she says and smiles.
"You didn't. And I wasn't planning to sleep anyway", he says irritated, but at the same time puzzled with her soft tone and that smile.
"I didn't thank you for trusting me with the saber. And I didn't thank you for letting Satine go", she goes straight to the point and now he's sure he's hallucinating after all those sleepless nights.
"Who told you I let her go?" He barks and then remembers. He is quick to forget about the rebel scum. "Ah, I see. Your Resistance pets you've been communicating through illegal channels".
She smiles again and comes forth, soft steps on woolen rug covering the floor from wall to wall. She comes in the range of his desk-lamp and now he sees he isn't hallucinating at all. It's her – very much physically present.
"That's another thing", she says. "Thank you for letting the Resistance ships go".
There is a throbbing pain in his temples by now – the wine-coffee over-stimulated his nerve endings, but did nothing to perpetuate the clarity of his intellect. She approaches and with her, the light breeze of relief.
"Wait", he remembers. "How did you enter?"
"Plain Jedi mischief", she says and goes through his library. "What are you reading?"
He won't pursue her "plain Jedi mischief" right now. He wants to share with her this wisdom.
"The Gray Jedi code", he says.
He doesn't hold against her the fact she has never heard of them. She was her master's apprentice, after all. There are perhaps three copies of that book in the whole galaxy. And all that righteous enthusiasm she has probably makes her immune to the musings of Leor Danal and Jolee Bindo.
He lets her read the first pages of the small manifesto. His mother's bipartite ring shimmers peacefully in the half-light of his room. She reads intently, and re-reads it more.
He is tired. The pain waxes and wanes.
"What do you want, Rey?"
"Nothing", she says plainly, returning the book on his desk. "I couldn't sleep, and I knew you couldn't too".
Smart little fox, spying on him through his tiredness and confusion – she must've been talking to Luke.
"You saw him, didn't you?"
"Yes".
"What does he tell you?"
"Different things – things only ghosts can see", she says, and by her peaceful tone he realizes she hears something truly hopeful.
"Did he tell you to come here tonight?"
She turns to him and smiles – a small mischievous smile. First of its kind – he never saw that movement on her face before. It is peculiar, but it pulls him in. He wants to know more.
"No".
"Don't lie, Rey".
"I'm not lying".
She roams a bit around his room as if to say: "So, this is it".
He told her about me dying without her thing. And now she gloats like every other flirt in the galaxy. And she prohibited me from contacting RY… what's her number again? And I obeyed.
Old Jedi pimp!
"Go away, Rey", he's tired of this idiocy. He'll fall asleep, and then he'll find a way to exorcize his uncle's ghost from his nights. And to erase this foolish passion which he has for her, after which he'll die (and finally get some sleep on the other side of life).
But she is stubborn and she is disobedient. Only she would honor Alderaan by wearing its complete map all over her body wrapped in mourning attire on the Imperial day. Only she would wear a gown that resembles Resistance banner right in the middle of monster's lair.
She sits on the edge of his bed and starts unbuttoning the whole damn demolished galaxy from her chest.
His heart stops.