Brooke's POV

Tree Hill High, gym

Four weeks later

I hadn't felt well all morning, when I dragged myself to the gym in the last lesson and suddenly noticed a dull pain in my stomach. A feeling as if you were about to get your period. Since I had an appointment with my gynecologist three days ago and everything had been okay, I paid no attention to it and lined up in a row like the other students.

"Go, girls, get the trampoline out. Today we want to see how good your balance is."

I groaned inwardly. Trampolining was the last thing I wanted to do now, especially since I was sure that it wasn't good for a pregnant woman to be exposed to such vibrations. But when it was my turn, I bravely walked onto the trampoline and began to jump into the canvas carefully. I suddenly heard a horrified gasp and noticed that all eyes were on me. I followed their gaze, stared down at me, and saw in my white leggings a red blood spot spreading out rapidly.

"Brooke's got her period," someone shouted.

"Let me through!"

I realized like in trance how Haley jumped on the trampoline and then pulled me down until I had solid ground under my feet again.

"Here!"

Someone held out a tampon, which I gripped mechanically.

"She's not getting her period, Peyton, she's losing her baby!" Haley hissed to her.

I raised my head and saw Peyton's eyes wide with shock. And suddenly I realized what was happening here. Haley was right. I was losing my baby!

"Are you there by car?" Haley asked Peyton.

"Yes, why?"

"We have to take her to the hospital."

I felt like a viewer in a theater play, where you could see and hear the actors but couldn't intervene in the story. Experiencing it as an outside observer was also easier for me at the moment than accepting the fact that I was losing my baby, the last link between Julian and me. I let myself be led outside and climbed into Peyton's car without resistance.

"Brooke, can you hear me?"

"She's in shock, Haley. Why didn't you tell me she was pregnant?"

"Not now, Peyton. Focus on driving. Maybe it's not too late yet."

"Oh, God, so much blood...!"

"Shut up and drive, I said!"

"I'm already driving as fast as I can. Who is the father? "

"You don't know him, and it doesn't matter anyway."

"That's not fair, Haley. I'm almost your accomplice now. Who knows about it?"

I felt myself getting more and more tired and closed my eyes.

"Brooke? Oh God, Peyton. I think she passed out."

"Brooke!"

I felt hands tugging at me, but I was too tired to even open my eyes. The next time I opened them, I lay in a bed and a face unknown to me bent over me.

"Hello Brooke, I'm Dr. Parker, your doctor. Do you know what happened to you? "

I moistened my dry lips and then nodded. "I... I lost my baby," I whispered faintly.

The doctor nodded and gave me a compassionate look. "I'm so sorry. We couldn't save the baby. The bleeding was too severe."

I closed my eyes and felt tears seeping through the lashes. So it was true. I finally lost everything that was important to me; Julian, our baby...

"We had to make a curettage to stop the bleeding completely and to remove the remains of the fetus. And we noticed during surgery that you have an anomaly of the uterus. I'm sorry, but you'll never be able to deliver a baby the normal way."

I looked at the doctor with a stunned expression. Not only did he just tell me that I had lost my baby, he also told me that I would never have children of my own. "I... can't get pregnant?" I asked in a choked voice.

"You can get pregnant. The problem is that you can't keep it in your uterus. So if you get pregnant again, this pregnancy will end in a miscarriage as well. I'm really sorry that I can't give you better news. But you should rest now and not think so much."

He squeezed my hand and then left the hospital room. I lay there numb, unable to really grasp what just had happened to me. When the door opened and Haley and Peyton came in, I broke down emotionally. I was glad they were both with me. Because without them I hadn't known how to endure this. Haley hugged me and gently stroked my head.

"You're not alone, Brooke. We will be there for you, no matter what. Us three belong together. And that won't change in the future!"

5 years later

Brooke's POV

Slowly, I opened the drawer, took out the ultrasound image and placed it next to the burning candle. I knew it was wrong and I tortured myself anew every year when I lit a candle to commemorate the death of my baby. But this candle was not just for my baby. It also stood for everything else that I had lost 5 years ago: Julian, my heart and my trust that happiness would come to those who deserved it. If I looked up my journal from that time and read about what the 17-year-old Brooke had dreamt of, then there was almost nothing left of it today. I had made a bucket list back then, with all things I wanted to do before I turned 30. At the top of the list had been 'having a baby', and although I had come to terms with never becoming a mother, the memory of the miscarriage still hurt. I was so engrossed in my own thoughts that I flinched when there was a knock at the door. "Just a moment!" I quickly blew out the candle, put the ultrasound image back in the drawer and headed for the door.

"Hi, Brooke! I just have some free time and wanted to ask if you would like us to do something together?" Haley greeted.

"I don't know. I'm really not in the mood to go out today," I replied, shrugging regretfully.

"Come on, pull yourself together. Jamie is with a friend and I have time all afternoon. We could also go to my house. I baked a cake, and..."

I interrupted her speech by raising my hand. "Stop it, Haley. I know why you're doing this. But it's okay, you know?" She looked at the candle, from which still light fumes rose up.

"Don't lie to me, Brooke. I know it's not okay."

When she hugged me, my facade collapsed. "It should be by now," I sobbed on her shoulder. "It's been 5 years."

"Since I have Jamie, I know how strong a mother's attachment to her child is," she said calmly. "You don't have to apologize for mourning your baby."

"It wasn't even a real baby," I blurted, freeing myself from her arm. "It wasn't even born."

"You have seen it, heard his heartbeat and even felt it. It was real, Brooke and not a fix idea. You have the right to grieve. And don't think otherwise."

"When Jamie recently celebrated his birthday and I saw the other kids at his party, I realized that my child could have been there as well," I confessed quietly. "My son or daughter with Julian's eyes and his smile and my nose and his curls." I saw her rolling her eyes. "What?"

"You could have forgotten about Julian in the meantime. I mean, the guy hasn't reported to you for 5 years. One should assume that you're already over him."

"I am," I said stubbornly. "I don't even think about him anymore. Just once a year."

She went to the table and took my journal in her hand and opened a random page.

"Just tell me, how often have you actually written 'Brooke loves Julian'? These are several pages. And then those cheesy little hearts everywhere!"

"Give it to me!" I tore my diary out of her hand and put it back on the table. "I was 17 at the time and totally in love," I tried to justify myself. "You just write stuff like that at that age."

"And why is it on your table now?"

"I just had a weak moment." I shrugged helplessly and then sighed. "I don't know, Hales. I haven't thought about Julian for a year, and then I had that weird dream last night…" I stopped when she took my hand and pulled me over to the sofa.

"Okay, tell me everything!"

"There's not much to tell. He was just back, here in Tree Hill. We went to the beach together, and then he kissed me."

"Wow, I would like to have that dream, too."

"You want to kiss Julian?" I asked in disbelief.

"No, I thought of Nathan, but keep talking. I want to know everything."

I had to smile when I saw her cheeks glowing with excitement. "That's it. We only kissed each other, and then he just disappeared again."

"Just like that? Didn't he say anything else?" Haley asked, frowning.

"It was a dream, Hales, not reality," I brought her down to earth. "Julian is probably happily married now and has kids."

"And that wouldn't bother you?"

I looked at her irritated. "Why should that bother me? Our ways parted a long time ago."

"And you're still sitting here, crying your heart out for the loss of your baby."

"You said earlier that it's perfectly normal to mourn," I said indignantly.

She nodded slowly. "That's true. But the main reason why you can't let go is that you still love him."

"That's bullshit!" I jumped up from the sofa and crossed my arms in front of my chest. "I never should have told you about the dream."

"I'm glad you did." She grinned. "And I'm really happy about that."

I grabbed my jacket and purse and walked to the door. "Didn't you say you baked a cake?"

"Do you want to change the subject?"

"No, I'm just hungry."

"All right, let's go to my house now."

I put my arm around her shoulder and together we left the house.

Julian's POV

Julian's office, Los Angeles

Sullenly, I threw the book on the pile of 'already read books' and then dropped my head on the tabletop. Again, I had found nothing in it that could have inspired me to make a movie from it. It had been going on like that for months, and I was starting to worry. Anyone who said that, as a filmmaker in L.A., you could find substance for good film footage on every corner, had simply lied. There were just too many people who thought they could write and then published the biggest crap. And there were enough film producers in L.A. who still tried to make the most of the stuff. But I was definitely no one who wanted to resign myself to stuff like that. I didn't want to make any movie, I wanted to do 'the' movie. And I had found a great role model in John Hughes. 'The Breakfast Club', 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' and 'Miracle on 34th street' were just a few of the films he had produced and directed. I also wanted to do a movie that would be remembered for decades. And I was ready to wait. I raised my head as my father came in. It was unlike him to simply burst in my office without asking, so there had to be a good reason for that. When he slammed a book on my desk with a grinning face, I frowned questioningly.

"I heard you were looking for good material for a film?"

I nodded hesitantly and glanced at the book title. "An Unkindness of Ravens," I read aloud and looked at him questioningly. "What's this?"

"Your new movie that you're going to produce."

I read the title again and then stopped when I came to the author's name. "Lucas Scott." For a moment I wondered why the name seemed so familiar to me, and then I remembered. He had been Brooke's boyfriend, maybe he still was or even more. My stomach contracted painfully, and I took a deep breath.

"I thought the name was familiar to you. He lives at the place in North Carolina, where you and your mother lived for a while."

I looked up at my dad. "Tree Hill," I said in a low voice.

"Yeah, right, Tree Hill. I think the book could be interesting for you. You probably even know one of the people in the book."

My heart skipped a beat. Brooke! I hadn't thought about her for years. Was it really 5 years since we last met? Why had we never tried to get in touch again? I wondered and then suddenly remembered. It was the time I had been injured by a car accident, had been in the rehab for months, had spent most of my time in a wheelchair and had to learn to walk again. And when I had recovered, I'd gone to Tree Hill to find out from Brooke's friend Peyton that she had been together with Lucas Scott. The Lucas Scott, whose book I was holding in my hands now.

"Julian?"

As if awakening from a dream, I looked at my father. "Did you read it?" I asked quietly.

He nodded. "What do you think why I suggest to make a movie from it? The book is awesome. The best thing I have read in years. And I would like to produce it with you, if you don't mind."

"Maybe I should read it first to give myself an opinion."

"Of course, read it first. But you will see that I haven't exaggerated. It's the stuff you make movies from." He grinned. "The audience will be excited. They will root for the protagonist and devour every scene."

"What's the book about?" I asked, looking at the back.

"It's autobiographical. It's about Lucas Scott's life in high school, his dreams and hopes, and of course his relationships."

I looked up from the book. "Is there a Brooke mentioned in there?" I asked, waiting tensely for the answer.

"You mean Brooke Davis? Yes, she even has a leading role. She is Lucas'..."

"All right, fine." I jumped up quickly. "Leave it here. I'll read it and then call you, okay?"

He nodded. "Everything all right, Julian?"

As he looked at me, I knew he could see how upset I was inside. All I had to do was read this book and find out everything about Brooke. I would be able to close the gap. But was I willing to read about her and Lucas? Obviously she was Lucas's great love. Otherwise, my father wouldn't have said that she played the leading role in the book. "Yeah, I'm fine." I ran my fingers through my hair and noticed that my hand was slightly trembling. "If I should like it," I began hesitantly. "How should we proceed then?"

"Well, the usual way. You go to Lucas Scott, tell him we're interested in turning his book into a movie, and then I'll handle everything else."

"You're asking me to go to Tree Hill?" I stammered.

"I would do it myself, but I'm currently having too much on my plate. And since you don't have any projects you're working on anyway, I thought you could do it." He tapped on the table. "All right, take your time with reading and then call me, all right?"

"Yes, I'll do that. I'll get in touch with you later." He had barely left my office when I opened the book and then began to read. The next few hours I spent immersing myself into the world of Lucas Scott, and I had to agree with my father. The book was good and perfect for turning it into a movie or even a series. I picked up the phone and called my father. "I agree," I said even before he could say a word. "I'll do it. I'll drive to Tree Hill to meet Lucas Scott."