Author's Note: I apologize for the delay. I keep getting over one sickness and then catching something else, on top of having a tough quarter at school. Either way, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think of it!

He tried standing up, only to find that it was incredibly painful. The medi-gel had stopped the bleeding and numbed the initial pain, but it was hard to ignore the deep, internal pain. Shepard ran over as Saren was running off to help. In the blink of an eye he was suddenly being thrown into a fireman's carry over her shoulders, and he nearly rolled his eyes, until he realized that they really didn't have the time for him to hobble over slowly to the Normandy. The bomb was going to go off in less than two minutes.

He was set down on the metal floor of the cargo bay, and they all watched as the Normandy began rising, flying away from the area as fast as possible. The last thing they saw was the spot where Ashley was being overrun with geth. He closed his eyes, saying a silent prayer just for her.

Chakwas had been waiting for them to arrive and he'd barely noticed that he was being tended to. It wasn't a very complex wound and within seconds he was able to stand and walk with just a tiny pinch of pain. He'd be fine. But then there was an obvious shake. Shepard let out a loud and pained scream.

"Ashley!"

His head whipped around when he saw her collapse to her knees. He was quick to run over and take her into his arms - regs be damned, the woman needed comfort right now! Once he saw that no one was going to object him he took a firmer hold of her. Everyone else turned to give them privacy as he began to rock Catherine gently back and forth as she continued to scream, eventually calming into a soft sob when they were the only ones.

Kaidan took his gloves off and nestled one hand on the back of her head, the other pulling her against him. Her weight caused him to fall back, and he decided to let her sit in his lap for however long it would take for this to pass. Usually the second they were heading away from the mission Joker was asking if she wanted to report to the council. He suspected he'd heard her cry over the comm and understood that she would start giving orders when she was ready.

He didn't say a word to her for the whole two hours that she cried. He'd let himself cry during some of that time but he hadn't known Ashley as well as Catherine had, so he'd gotten most of his own initial grief out and dealt with. If he was being honest with himself, he'd have been concerned if she'd been able to simply shove off the loss and continue on as if nothing had happened. They were human, and he was beginning to realize that having these emotions weren't necessarily bad to have while serving. It made it all the more clear why they were going after Saren, why they were risking their lives on a day to day basis. To him, he never wanted to see anyone else go through what she was going through right now. He didn't ever want to see her go through anything like this ever again.

She silently pulled herself away and wiped her eyes, standing without a word, but holding her hand out for him. He didn't think that she'd say anything, but she did stare at him for a minute.

"Thank you." she whispered as her voice cracked.

"I'm not letting you do anything alone." he gave her hand a gentle squeeze while he still had it, and then let it drop to his side with a sigh. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not right now... But I'll come to you when I'm ready."

"Alright." he swallowed thickly and then turned to take off his armor, scowling at the hole that was left from his wound. He'd probably have to get a new set. He could bring that to attention later., but for now he wanted to shower. Get Virmire off his skin.

He dressed himself quickly after his shower, and went to sit in the cockpit for a while, wanting some silence with a friend. He didn't get the silence at first.

"Is she alright?"

"I... I think so." he sat down heavily.

"You think? Come on, man. You two were down there for a long time, she-"

"She's still human, Joker." Kaidan scowled, "Give her time, she'll be fine if you do that."

"Am I allowed to ask why you're not with her right now?"

"She wanted to be alone for a bit." he lied. There was a pause. "I would too, if I had to make that call."

"Let's hope you never have to choose between two lives." Joker nodded, finally allowing silence.

Kaidan was beginning to realize just how much of an impact Ashley had on the entire crew just a few hours later. She usually did maintenance on everyone's guns, helped out with Mako repairs if Garrus needed it. She was always cracking a joke about someone - in good nature. Ashley made everyone smile, and she had come such a long way from when he'd first met her. She'd had a dislike towards aliens, but who didn't deep down? She'd voiced it clearly to everyone, and after some time, she'd begun to see, just as everyone did, that other aliens weren't so bad.

Catherine showed up on the bridge just a few hours later, looking composed, but not hiding that she was still shaken up. Kaidan looked over his shoulder towards her, and she made a silent motion for him to leave for a bit. He could tell because she was eyeing Joker. He cleared his throat as he stood to walk out, unsure of where he'd go. He supposed he could go eat, since he hadn't eaten for almost ten hours.

It was hard to sit through the debriefing without Ashley. But there was a tiny silver lining: they knew where to go now. It was something and it would mean a chance at avenging Ash's death. But again, he had a bad feeling about heading to the Citadel to warn the council. Everyone was dismissed, and he stayed for just a moment longer.

"Can I talk with you for a minute?"

"Make it quick, I need to contact the council." she said, looking like she was about to snap.

"I've got a bad feeling about going back to the Citadel... Maybe we should just head for the relay."

"And leave the heart of the galaxy defenseless? That'll work well." she shook her head. "We're going, and that's final, Lieutenant."

"Yes ma'am." he muttered, backing out of the room. Did she really have to pull rank on him? He hardly saw that as necessary, and unfortunately it had hurt him. He felt a migraine coming on, so he went to go sleep it off. By the time he woke up maybe she'd have calmed down some so he could figure out what was going on with her. Because that sure as hell wasn't coming from the loss of a friend.

It was apparently clear to several others that something was not sitting well with him. Garrus called after him, and actually got him to stop for a moment.

"Are you alright? You look... I don't know... Worried."

"I'm worried about Shepard. She's not herself right now." he shook his head. "I just hope she still knows what she's doing."

"Yeah." there was a long pause. "I'm sure... I'm sure this will all work out."

Kaidan nodded, a mumbled something about needing some rest. He turned to go down the stairs, and once he reached the bottom, he realized that his body was taking him where he shouldn't go. He paused right outside her quarters. He did not belong there, but... Why was he standing here, then? He searched his mind for some clue. When he couldn't find any he turned to go to the sleeper pods. They weren't by any means comfortable, but at least he had a place to sleep that was quiet. He stepped in, shut the pod, and closed his eyes. Hopefully he wouldn't wake up to Reapers.

His head was still aching when he woke up again. He stepped out of the pod, and took a glance at the time.

"Damn it." he said silently. It was only 0200, which meant nearly everyone would be asleep. His stomach growled and he started mindlessly walking towards the nearest food.

He sat down with... He didn't even know what he grabbed but it wasn't like it was going to have much flavor anyway. Kaidan sat alone, used to it at this time of night. Eating in silence, he didn't bother to look up, even when he heard someone else sitting there. Judging by how quiet the person was, he could only assume it was Catherine. Surprised at himself, he felt a little angry at her.

"I'm sorry about earlier." she said softly. He looked up, snapping out of his thoughts and letting the anger melt away.

"You're not the first person to snap at me under pressure. It's fine."

"It's not fine. I may be under a lot of pressure but that's no excuse for me to talk to you like your opinion means nothing to me." she sighed, and he saw the dark circles under her eyes, behind the messy hair. She was still in uniform, but it was wrinkled - like she'd slept in it. Or had tried to sleep in it. "I don't want to go back to the Citadel, but... My hands are tied. I wish there was something I could do."

"We could always mutiny." he offered with a smile. She hummed and smiled at the table.

"As tempting as that is, I don't think we'll be at the Citadel long, anyway. Just a day or so." Catherine looked up, sighing. "You shouldn't eat that crap."

"What else am I going to eat?"

"Something better." she stood up, motioning with her head for him to follow. He didn't question her and he stood up, leaving his tray behind as they went into her room.

It was darker than he thought it should be, but she was only ever in here to sleep, it seemed. Kaidan didn't feel right being in here, but there was a tiny thrill of breaking the rules that made him stay. She told him to sit down, and not in the chair at the desk. That left the edge of her bed. He watched as she dug around, pulling a panel from the wall loose, revealing a stash of real food. He grinned.

"Why am I not surprised?" he asked as she held out a box for him.

"Because you'd probably do the same if you were able to." she grinned and sat next to him, both snacking on a box of crackers, relatively silent.

The box had been finished off a while ago. The clock, had either bothered to look, now read 0318, and now they were laying on their backs beside each other, murmuring to one another in deep conversation. It had started off with them both explaining what had happened earlier, both forgiving the other. From there, they talked about what was likely going to happen, what they wished would happen. Kaidan didn't expect what she said next.

"I can't wait to get some shore leave with you when this is done."

He looked over to her and saw she had her eyes closed, hands folded across her stomach. She almost looked like she was dead, if it weren't for the fact she was still breathing. He forgot it was his turn to say something, and her eyes opened slowly, her head turning towards him. Then he remembered to speak.

"I haven't thought about what I'll do once this is all over." he moved his arm, brushing the backs of his fingers with hers. She hooked hers between his and smiled. "That sounds nice, though."

"Yeah... We could actually go places and not have someone start shooting at us." her head turned back to the tiled ceiling, shifting her hand so she could properly hold his for a bit. He felt that thrill of breaking the rules, along with the rush from touching her in that moment.

"I might miss that part." he said with mock sadness, glad to hear her chuckle quietly. She'd hardly smiled the past day or so, and he'd just managed to get her to laugh, and lighten up. He was feeling pretty great right now. Then his eyes happened to catch the time.

"If you want, I could shoot at you while you run." she grinned, looking back and then letting her grin fade.

"We have time to figure it out... But I should probably go. People will be waking up in a few hours, and you still need some sleep." Kaidan sat up slowly, feeling a small tug on his hand. He looked over to her.

"Don't tell anyone about the food."

He smiled.

"Not a word." he stood once both of their hands managed to loosen. He left without a word and went back to the sleeper pod for just a couple more hours of rest.