Author's Note: Hello again! I would like to shout out a huge thank you to Kirabaros for the follow and the favorite. It makes me happy each time I see someone's name pop up in an email like that! This chapter was particularly long because once I started writing, I just couldn't find a good stopping point. Not to mention everything just started flowing out of me. I'm considering having this story span all three games, and (of course) beyond. Is this okay with you? I really hope you guys enjoy it, and please let me know what you think! Enjoy!

He was amazed sometimes at how well she could keep herself composed. This was absolute bullshit and she was able to keep a straight face, only her eyes betraying her emotional state. She was amazing.

Just two hours earlier, she'd barely walked past him to let him know he was going with her to the council meeting before she ran to hurry to the elevator to tell Garrus, only to run back up and get her uniform squared away, slap her armor on, and then rush to just barely get there in time to be cleared to enter the council chambers. All three arrived nearly out of breath, but luckily only Catherine had to speak. Kaidan and Garrus hung back, only there in case something terrible happened.

Like being grounded on the Normandy when they needed to head to Ilos.

"You bastard, you're selling us out!" Kaidan couldn't help but snarl at Udina. Something wasn't right, why would he be happy to restrict the only group of people - the only person - who was capable of stopping the Reapers? Catherine muttered something to Udina before she excused herself. Garrus and Kaidan stormed out with her. As they headed to the elevator, she was already ripping off her armor.

"Sonofabitch thinks he can just ground me?" she was muttering to herself. The three stepped into the elevator and she tossed her armor to the floor as each piece was removed. The two men could only watch in confusion. "I'm the one fucking chasing after Saren. You'd think that on Spectre authority I could just take the Normandy and go." she scoffed, "He's gonna get it some day. And I'll be damned if it's anyone but me."

Already she was stripped from the waist down of her armor. She had on a rather flimsy under suit, but she'd walked around in it before. She threw all the smaller pieces into the chest piece, trying to carry as little as possible. When the elevator doors opened, she walked out shamelessly, heading for the elevator that would take them to the Normandy's docking bay. Kaidan tried to keep up without running but it didn't exactly work out nicely. He eventually grabbed her arm.

"Catherine, slow down a little bit, come on." he said quietly.

"If I slow down will you leave me be for a bit?"

"Of course." he nodded, glad when she resumed her normal pace. Kaidan left a good 3 feet between them but continued walking alongside her. He knew they were all upset, but this seemed... Excessive. Maybe it was all the stress mounted on her. Maybe he could help somehow. He set his mind to trying to come up with something that could get her to relax, maybe smile again. When they got to the Normandy, he watched as she practically threw her armor into the locker, and then ran to the elevator, unzipping the suit just enough to be decent while walking around. Not that it hid much from view.

"Please tell me you're going to talk with her and come up with a plan?" Garrus murmured, putting his guns away. Or was he taking them out?

"I'll let her cool off for a little longer before I talk with her." Kaidan glanced over.

"Good. That much tension is not good for someone like her." Garrus mumbled as he walked off, carrying his sniper rifle to clean it.

Putting his uniform back on, Kaidan went to finish off the last of the paperwork from Virmire that was sitting over by Ashley's things. He'd been tasked with sorting through what belongings she had and getting them to her family. It had been so hard to get through the sorting, along with the paperwork for many reasons, but he just had ten more pages, and it was hardly worth moving back upstairs. He figured that was an hour or so, plenty of time for Catherine to cool down. Unfortunately it had been longer than he'd anticipated, and it was nearly three hours later before he pushed himself from the completed pile, stretching and popping his back. He pulled his omni-tool up to send a message.

KA: Hey, can we talk?

He would wait ten minutes for a response, before he'd go hunt her down. For now, he figured he could straighten up his area, which only took all of five minutes to do. Kaidan sighed at himself, reminding himself it was okay to leave a little more mess, so long as he cleaned it up. He glanced back at his omni-tool, remembering that he'd placed it on silent.

CS: Sure. I'm by my locker.

KA: I'll be there in a minute.

He rubbed the back of his neck, nothing less than worried about her. Catherine wasn't much better since Virmire, but at least he knew that she wasn't mad at him, and that her anger was completely justified. Walking from the elevator, turning the corner, he saw her slumped with her back against her locker, eyes closed. Looking around, he didn't see a single person. Which was a little odd. But he looked back to Catherine; her body was obviously tense, and he cleared his throat before he actually stood in front of her.

"Hey." she didn't even bother to open her eyes.

"Hey." He paused, feeling some anger bubble up that she was sitting here being so... pathetic. "I'm sure there's a way to appeal. We're under Alliance control, after all, not the Council."

"Official channels are closed. Udina was quite clear about that." she opened her eyes, tone taking a harsher tone.

"Closed. And we're supposed to accept that? So where do you think the best view will be when the Reapers roll through? If we have to sit this out might as well get a good seat." he took a chance at taking a jab at her. She looked up, a hint of a smile on her face.

"Look, we're out of the game for now, but I need you."

"You can always count on me, or any of the crew." he shrugged.

"Come on, Kaidan." she rolled her eyes, "I can get a salute from anyone on this ship. Sometimes I need a shoulder."

"Yeah, you know I always leave a way out." he hoped he wasn't taking things the wrong way as he continued. "I'm here for you, but we're in a rough spot, and the last thing I want to do is muddy things." he paused and glanced over his shoulder, then back to her. "Like it's all that clear to start with. Are we the pride of the fleet or not? Are we valued agents or just peons?"

"You can't just pull out a good old-fashioned 'it'll be alright,' can you?" He laughed a little.

"It's that easy, huh? Okay then." he paused, shifting his weight on his legs a little, lowering his tone and trying to make it sound as genuine as he could. "Everything will be fine, Shepard. You'll figure it out."

"That wasn't that hard, now was it?" she smiled more and he couldn't help but laugh a little as well.

"I could get used to it." he smirked a little, "I guess we have some down time to figure out what we are, huh?" he stepped forward and held his hand out. What exactly was he implying, anyway? The words sort of just came out on their own, but... He impressed himself. Maybe he didn't have to hold back around her as much as he thought he might.

She had a look in her eyes and took his hand, pulling herself up. Only he pulled her up too, and next thing they knew they were pressed against each other, both close enough to feel the other's breath on their shoulder. To catch herself, she'd wrapped an arm around him, and as she slowly pulled away, his other hand went to the small of her back, keeping her from going any further. They locked eyes and for a moment, he wasn't thinking clearly, letting his body do what just felt right. He felt the heat from her body grow along with his own, inching closer to her.

"Sorry to interrupt Commander." they both froze, and Kaidan grimaced. Joker had such perfect timing, didn't he? "Got a message from Captain Anderson."

"What did he want?" Catherine asked, taking a step away. He rubbed at the back of his neck, not sure what to do. He might have a few questions for the man later.

"Captain said to meet him at Flux. That club down in the Wards."

They locked eyes again and he smiled.

"I guess you'd better go, then."

"You're not coming with me?" she said, turning a little to indicate she was leaving right now. He paused and then let his shoulders slump.

"Why the hell not. We can at least go get a drink, I guess." he stepped beside her and they both left, no guns or armor to slow them down. When they walked past the bridge, Joker turned around.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Remember that message?" Catherine paused, beaming. Her voice was a little too cheery for her to be serious.

"You're going in that? No.. guns? No armor?"

"Nope. We're going to have a drink with the Captain." she said, before slipping past to the pressurizing chamber. Kaidan hung back just enough to see Joker motion to him.

"Hey, I'll meet you there. Joker needs help with something real quick." Kaidan said, motioning for Catherine to go on ahead. She nodded and closed the door. Once it was closed he stepped forward. "What?"

"Pretty convenient that you and her are going alone, huh?" he smirked.

"Yeah, thanks for ruining an almost-moment we had there." Kaidan reached down and lightly smacked Joker behind the head.

"Hey!"

"I know you were listening."

"Maybe the last little bit. Had to make sure I wasn't totally interrupting." Joker rubbed his head. "Besides, it's not like there's cameras-"

"Yeah, thank God for that." Kaidan rolled his eyes crossing his arms. "But seriously, don't do that again. I'm... Tired of having to wait for shore leave. And this might be my last one, so let me enjoy at least some of it."

"Fine. Go get shit-faced. Maybe something will actually happen." Joker smirked as Kaidan walked off. How they were friends was still beyond him. He stepped into the chamber and closed the door. They'd meet with Anderson and then have a few drinks together. He could make sure he wasn't just making an ass of himself three minutes ago. When the opposite door opened, he saw Catherine leaning against the rail with a smile.

"Didn't think you'd be long anyway. You told him off, right?" she pushed herself off and stood in front of him.

"Yeah." he smiled, and reached over to take her hand. "Let's go." She returned the smile and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, turning to step in the elevator as soon as they could. And to be honest, it was wracking his nerves to show this much affection in public. They were in uniform, too. Though he also had to remind himself that they were on shore leave, and that anything the two did on shore leave was strictly their own business. Unless it besmirched the Alliance in some way.

They were going to the Wards; it wasn't likely that anyone would recognize them. Let alone care about what they were doing. The more he talked himself up about it, the more comfortable he felt, especially when he glanced back over to her, only to see that she was smiling, minding herself and unaware he was looking at her. It almost felt like he stared at her the whole time that they were travelling to Flux, really. Mostly because he suddenly realized they were not in the elevator, but just outside the club, with no recollection of what happened in between. They entered and Catherine had to get close to speak privately to Kaidan.

"Let's find Anderson, and talk with him before we get some drinks." she looked at him with some note of seriousness, and he nodded instead of verbally responding. It was easier in a loud place like this, though it certainly had potential to be louder. And luckily they didn't have to look long to find Anderson.

He sat at a table in the middle of the crowd. There was a drink in front of him and when the two sat down, he nodded and began a casual conversation. It had been a while since they'd spoken.

"How are you holding up, Commander?"

"I've had better days that included Udina being an ass, sadly." she sighed, "How about you, Anderson?"

"I don't think I was ever cut out for a desk job. But it gives me plenty of time to catch up with old friends." Anderson paused, "Alenko, you look like you could use a drink."

"That was the plan." he smiled a little and sat back, though the smile didn't last long.

"Don't drink too much." Anderson leaned forward. "You need to get away from the Citadel, head towards Ilos. I think I might have a way to help."

"How, if you don't mind me asking?" Kaidan spoke first.

"Udina issued the lockdown. I can go into his office and reverse it."

"I don't think he's just gonna let you walk in there and use his terminal." Catherine scoffed, though it sounded like she was considering the idea.

"There's also Citadel Control, though that one might get tricky."

"What are the chances you'll get caught either way?" she asked, concerned.

"With Udina, I might be held in C-Sec for a while. Citadel Control... I'm not sure."

"I say go into Udina's office. Less chance of getting caught." Catherine nodded.

"Just give the word when you're ready." Anderson moved to stand up, when Kaidan held his hand up.

"Anderson, at least finish your drink. Might be the last one you get for a while."

"So long as I'm not drinking alone, I suppose I can stay a little longer." he sat back down with a smile.

"What do you want?" Catherine now stood, looking at Kaidan.

"Whiskey. If they have it."

"Sure thing." she grinned, walking over to the bar. As soon as she left Anderson spoke again.

"She's certainly in a good mood, all of a sudden."

"We were talking when she got your message. Just trying to cheer her up a little. She invited me along, said we might as well have a drink while we were here." he shrugged, glossing over plenty of details, though that didn't make his insides calm any less. He'd been that close to her and it was only now that he was beginning to realize he wanted to be closer to her. As close as he could get. Catherine had been consuming his thoughts long enough, it was time to do something about it. And Kaidan only had so much time.

"She's been under a lot of stress. She could use some down time."

There were those two words again. Down time. That wasn't helping either. Maybe he should have let Anderson leave, Kaidan couldn't exactly relax around Catherine the way he wanted if Anderson was there. It was a habit.

"Yeah, we've been trying to make the most out of what we've been able to get. It helps her, though recent events haven't helped much either."

"Ah, right. I'm sorry about Williams." they were both quiet for a few moments, until Catherine came back with two glasses that were nearly identical. Only she didn't have ice in hers. She set the glass with ice in front of Kaidan.

"Please don't tell me you two sat here in silence waiting for me to come back."

"Hm? No, I guess I was just thinking a bit." Kaidan sat up straight, smiling. "Thanks, by the way."

"You're welcome." she bumped her shoulder with his as she took a sip. "Tell me a story Anderson. I need a little distraction." she then chirped, looking eagerly at the man as though he were her father. In a way, Kaidan thought, Anderson had been her father the past few years. Anderson smiled and went into a story that Kaidan had no particular interest in, because he couldn't tear his gaze from the way that she looked as she listened. So eager, free of worries, and most of all, she looked beautiful right now.

She was leaning on the table with one hand on her glass, and her other hand holding her head up as it rested on her cheek. She laughed occasionally and when she did her eyes lit up. He remembered clearly that night they had sat in this bar after Feros, and he really got a good look at her eyes for the first time. She'd had makeup on, sure, but they were stunning even when she didn't doll herself up. But, after having looked at them so long... He couldn't see green without thinking of her eyes. After a while he took a sip of his drink, and turned to look around.

It wasn't that Anderson didn't have interesting stories. It was just that Kaidan wasn't really in a mood to hear about more fighting, or war.

He just wanted to be with Catherine tonight.

"Alright. I should probably get going before they send out a search party for me. Good luck, you two." Anderson stood up, and Kaidan was snapped out of his thoughts, he looked up and smiled as Anderson clapped a hand on his shoulder. "You make sure she gets home safe."

"Yes, sir." he nodded.

"Hey!" Catherine called out, smiling with mock offense and then laughing. "You were quiet. Just thinking again?"

"Yeah, sorry." he sat back. "Guess I'm not that thirsty."

"Then can I have it? I've never had this before and I love it." she was smiling, pointing to the glass and reaching for it.

"No you can't have it, it's mine." Kaidan laughed, snatching the glass before she could. She fake pouted at him and then reached for it anyway, grinning. Her reach had to extend beyond his shoulders, as he held the glass out with his arm fully extended.

"Kaidan, give me one sip!" she laughed, actually bending over to try to reach it. He grinned and kept his arm still.

"And what if I do, what do I get in return?" he looked her in the eye now that her face was beside his.

"I'll let you continue whatever it is that you were doing before someone interrupted us." she said softly, smirking.

"Hardly a fair trade on your end. But I accept." he smiled and retracted his arm, surrendering the glass and watching as she finished it. "Really, Catherine?" he'd tried to get in the habit of only using her first name when they were alone. But they were both still getting used to it because he saw the faint blush on her cheeks. He liked the way that looked on her.

"What? I said a sip and there was a sip left." she shrugged. "Not like you were going to drink it."

"No, I guess not." he smiled softer as she drove him into another subject of conversation.

She fit snugly against his side and he didn't necessarily mind sharing a seat with her. It was closer to her than he'd been since the incident earlier. Which reminded him... She'd never specified when that could continue. Was it up to him, or would he have to wait? Kaidan fell into one of her traps, yet again. But she looked so happy and relaxed, so maybe it was worth it. For now, he could listen to her soft voice go on and on about whatever it was she was talking about as they watched people come and go. After a few hours the club started to empty out, and it was about three drinks later for both of them as they stood and walked out, senses slightly dulled, but hardly by much.

He took her hand on the walk back, upset that he would have to eventually let go of her again, and keep his distance, and be mindful of his eyes, and follow her orders no matter what. Couldn't they just run away from this? With each passing minute he was with her the idea seemed to appeal more and more. Then it dawned on him. If they were getting Anderson to help them get off the Citadel, they were basically committing mutiny. Which meant no more regs.

"Is that all that's stopping you? Regs? I'll bet that if at the end of all of this that everything goes to hell, that's going to be the last thing on your mind when you think about her."

Ashley's words were partially true. He was still thinking about the regs, but more or less the new found lack that there would be of them. And now all the things that he could do- no. He would still hold true to the Alliance regulations. Spare for a couple of hours, once they were away from the Citadel, maybe. But no one would have to know.

"Kaidan, stop being so fucking quiet." Catherine said a little loud as they stepped out onto the dock where the Normandy was. Again, he'd missed the whole walk.

"Sorry... Maybe I need a little bit to clear my head. You should go check in with Anderson." he said, finally letting her hand drop from his once they stepped onto the ship, but keeping the same distance from her as he had before. She looked up at him and nodded.

"Yeah. Get the hell away from here as soon as we can. I'll be in my quarters once we're headed towards Ilos." she smiled and they both grew quiet, each thinking of different things. Kaidan needed to steel his nerves and just be straightforward with Catherine, let her know why he'd been so quiet tonight. And she needed to prepare a plan of attack.