Author's Note: Thank you to Heraldcmdr for the follow and favorite! I apologize for not being very prompt about updating. I'm in my last few weeks of school before summer break, so please bear with me.

Catherine didn't know who was more upset when they returned to the Citadel: Kaidan or herself. They were both wearing neutral faces as they made their way back towards the Alliance housing. The only words that were spoken were to clarify which way they were going, but conversation seemed to be near impossible today.

She didn't want to say it outloud, but she felt like they were rushing into things a little bit. To her, it seemed like this was just because she hadn't really ever had someone's affection before - she'd never experienced a relationship that could actually last, and so she'd gotten used to the fast pace and letting things die off a week or two later. At the very least, she'd been leading Kaidan on for a few months, now. She was starting to feel conflicted because she didn't know how to keep a relationship going, and she didn't want Kaidan to leave her because she was too scared.

She was laughing at herself internally. She was scared of something so simple.

Her thoughts snapped back when she felt a warm weight on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." she shook her head. "Just zoned out."

He nodded and she was comforted by the fact that he left his arm around her shoulders as they walked. It was so casual that it was hardly worth thinking that there was anything going on. But Catherine was still comforted because she knew what he was really trying to do. When they reached her apartment door, his arm dropped, and they both walked in, since some of his things were still inside.

"Are you heading back?" she looked up as she saw him walking towards the bedroom.

"It's probably for the best." he said. She saw his shoulders drop at the same time his voice did. She glanced at the door, almost making sure it had actually shut before walking over. She threw her arms around him just as he threw his around her.

"Promise you'll kidnap me on shore leave?" she murmured, eyes squeezed shut as her chest became increasingly caged, and tight.

"Only if you don't beat me to it." he kissed her cheek and it left a cold burn on her skin. This was going to be one of the most difficult things she'd ever done in her life, outside of her military career. But she was determined to keep this part of her life for the rest of it.

"Heard you and Kaidan went off the map for a couple weeks." Joker smirked as they watched the cargo being loaded back onto the Normandy. Catherine shook her head with a smile, nursing her cup of coffee.

"Don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh come on. You think I don't know something happened before we blew up Sovereign? Not to mention it's written all over your face."

"Is not!" she snapped her head over, both keeping their voices low. If there was one thing she'd learned to appreciate about her pilot, it was that he was very good with this personal talk.

"Never seen you smile as much as you have been. And you've got that glow... I'm telling you."

"Fine."

"Fine, what?"

"We went on a little vacation. But it was shore leave."

"Uh-huh. And what did you do? Play tourist?"

"...Mostly." she said, trying hard to hide her smile behind both her lips and her cup.

"It's about damn time. Jesus, you could cut metal with all that sexual tension between you two."

"Thank you, Jeff, for your input on my sex life." she inhaled, shaking her head in defeat.

"Just don't keep him waiting too long next time. That'd be like kicking a puppy." the man said as he pushed himself off the crate, and hobbled back to the elevator.

"I'm not above kicking cripples." she called out as a playful warning.

Catherine rolled her eyes, and kept watch over the men moving the crates, instructing them on places where it was appropriate to leave them. Some of the crew was already back while others were still trickling in. She'd been upset to see that her alien friends weren't coming back. Liara had important work to do concerning her newly learned intelligence on the Reapers, Tali had gone back to the Flotilla, ending her pilgrimage, Garrus went to train to be a Spectre against his father's wishes, and Wrex had gone back to Tuchanka, determined to do something about the krogan. She was glad to see that they were all prospering, at the least, but she would miss them.

"I was starting to wonder if you'd been reassigned at the last minute." she smiled when Kaidan walked into the cargo bay, bags slung over his shoulder.

"After all the work I've put in? They'd give me my choice of which ship I'd want to serve on, you think I'd want to leave the Normandy?" he smiled. Catherine turned to follow him up, her cup empty, and the cargo finished loading. They would be leaving in two hours, and most of the crew was getting settled in again.

"I don't know, Joker's still here." she smiled.

"That's true." he nodded, sighing. The elevator doors closed.

"He's already figured it all out, by the way. Just so you're not shocked if he happens to ask for details. Which, by the way, if he does, I give you permission to say whatever the hell you please." she smirked.

"Why a I not surprised..." he sighed, heavily. The doors opened a moment later. "At least he knows how to keep secrets." they stepped off the elevator.

"That's true. I'll see you at dinner." she smiled, turning to go up the stairs, letting him make his way to the bunks. She thought she'd go speak with some of the others who had come back, make sure that they were ready.

Each time she even thought about it, she had to roll her eyes. She was being sent out to hunt down the geth? They weren't the real threat. She knew it, her crew knew it, the Council knew it... anyone who had power to actually do something knew, but chose to ignore it. She knew why. If the public knew, there would be anarchy, and everything would crumble within a week. There wouldn't be a galaxy left to save. So in that regard, she understood. By why send her after geth? It didn't make sense.

"Hey, Commander." Adams smiled, on his way to engineering.

"Morning, Adams. How are you?" she paused.

"I'm doing great. Wish Tali were here, though. I think she knows more about these engines than I do, by now. She was a bright young woman."

"I know, I'm going to miss her too. She had great stories." Catherine sighed. "I'm sure we'll manage just fine without her."

"I hope so. In any case, it's good to be back."

"Carry on." she nodded, heading up to the bridge where Joker and Chakwas were.

She snickered as she approached.

"Ow, careful!"

"That barely hurt you, you big baby." Chakwas laughed. It looked like it was time for his medication. Joker grumbled, and looked over his shoulder.

"Need something?"

"Just came to see how everything's coming along." she smiled, taking a seat beside him. "How was your leave, Chakwas?"

"Very boring." she replied, putting away her small kit. "At least compared to what we've been through."

"Glad to know you came back for the entertainment." she smirked.

"No other ship I've served on has had such a lively crew." Chakwas said, standing up. "When you have the time, I'd like to look over some of your stitches, and make sure they're healing properly. Can't have you shooting down geth with an infection."

"I'll stop by after we've left the Citadel and made a couple of rounds." she nodded, watching her walk off before turning back to Joker as he began working on the screens before him. "Hey..."

"I've kept my mouth shut, I'm going to tell you that right now." he replied, looking her in the eye with one of the most serious expressions she'd seen him wear.

"Alright... I wasn't concerned about that-"

"The whole crew knows." he said a little quieter. It was a good thing the mug was empty because it clattered against the metal floor just moments later.

"Fuck." she buried her face in her hands, groaning.

"Hey. No one's said a thing to anyone that could get you in trouble."

"How do you know?"

"You both wouldn't be here, otherwise. Not to mention everyone trusts you enough to realize that it doesn't really matter." she heard him stop typing and looked up to see that he was turned towards her. "It's only going to be a problem if you sit here and make it look like there isn't anything going on."

"You think so?"

"Yeah." he turned to sit forward again. "You should probably go talk to him before we leave. Give him a way out, at the very least."

"I don't think he'd leave."

"It's up to you. I just think it'd be better he hears it from you and not me."

"Thanks." she said, with more meaning than last time.

She could tell he was starting to panic, and before it got too bad, she put her hand on his arm. They were in her cabin, having a few drinks after dinner. Unfortunately she hadn't left him a way out, but he instincts had been right.

"I'm not leaving." was his reply once he caught his breath. She'd asked if that's what he wanted to do, and she felt relieved that she'd been right about predicting his response. "I guess... I'm a little relieved."

"Really?" she chuckled and let her hand drop back into her lap.

"Yeah. I guess we don't necessarily have to hide, now. Not that I was ever planning to." he smiled, and leaned over to give her a soft kiss. "I should probably get going, though. It's getting late."

"If you say so." she sighed, standing up to put her secret stash back in its place.

"Remind me, when's shore leave again?" he smirked before he left.

"A month and a half." she chuckled, "Goodnight."

"Night." he said quietly, walking out of the room.

Just 45 days to go. She could do this.