Author's Note: Shout out to .9 for the favorite, pigooz for the favorite and follow, and spaceconveyor for the follow. As you might be expecting... this chapter is mostly smut. No apologies. Reviews and suggestions for future chapters are welcome, hope you enjoy!
"You can stay with me, if you want. At least for tonight." Catherine said quietly as she walked beside him off the Normandy, both doing their best to avoid attracting attention by taking a route that Kasumi had shown her. Kaidan had met Kasumi only once, and he wasn't quite sure what to think of her. She seemed... nice, but up to something. Catherine said that Kasumi was always like that, and not to be worried by it. He tried not to be.
"Did you get your apartment back?"
"Supposedly. It's not the same exact one, but I have a message from HQ with an apartment number, and access code." she hummed, pulling it up on her omni-tool. "At the very least, want to come check it out?"
"I can spare fifteen minutes." he grinned. Actually, Kaidan wasn't due to formally check in until tomorrow, for his hearing. He was going to do his best to explain more or less abandoning the colony, and hitching a ride on a Cerberus shuttle. He didn't doubt he'd be interrogated about the rogue organization for most of the day, tomorrow. "How long are you going to be here for?"
"A few days, at least. There's a couple leads I wanted to check out, and I wanted to stop by this new gun shop with Garrus- why are you laughing?"
"Just like you to indulge Garrus like that. I swear it's not healthy for anyone to like their gun that much." he grinned as he shook his head. "Either way, it sounds like you'll get to relax while you're here."
"I'm hoping so. But you never know with the people I tend to attract." Catherine grinned.
He called a cab for them, and soon they were off to the Alliance housing. After passing through the doors, he kept a careful eye on Catherine, wanting to make sure she didn't break down. there had been a few times over the past week that she'd seen something and a wave of emotion had come over her. She seemed fine, though, and they stepped into the elevator. After checking the number, he hit the floor number and they began climbing up the building rapidly, the world below shrinking and becoming insignificant. They stepped off soon after, and he followed her as they searched.
She stood in front of the door for a moment, just long enough to sigh, and then went to enter the access code. The door flashed yellow for a moment, and then green before it opened.
"You'd think they could use a different cleaner." she coughed as the smell came rushing out, along with cool air.
He knew it was going to be empty. It was a shame it was empty, because her old apartment had such character to it. A nice little couch with matching chairs, a coffee table, an actual table with chairs to eat at... Her bed wasn't half bad, either. It felt hollow as he glanced down at the vacuumed carpet spanning most of the apartment.
"Guess I forgot that I needed furniture." she muttered, bag slipped from her shoulder into her hand.
"Come on." he said, grasping her hand without a second thought, and pulling her along.
"What are you doing?"
"You're staying with me until you get what you need to actually live here. I'm not gonna let you sleep on the floor." He said, smiling and giving her another tug before she followed with a shy smile, hoisting the bag up onto her shoulder. She was silent, and withdrawn while they headed to his apartment several floors below. She looked pale, and ready to break again. He hoped she could hold it in until they got inside. Had he cleaned up before leaving?
"Immaculate as ever." she muttered with a smile when the door shut. "You're sure you don't mind this?"
"Is it any different than this past week?" he asked, pulling her bag off and then carrying it towards his room. "I don't imagine you want to be alone right now, anyway."
"It's nice to have company." she sighed. He glanced around the room, and in the bathroom quickly, before walking out, pleased it was as clean as he remembered. He saw her standing over by the shelf near his poor excuse of a dining table. Where he kept most of his photos, and what few items of hers that her mother hadn't minded if he kept.
One such item was in her hand - a rock she'd found in her boot from Virmire. He remembered she kept it, and worried it when she had thought about Ashley, or missed her. It had been worn smooth in less than a month. He couldn't help but want to keep a little memory of both of them when he'd seen it. She glanced over with a weary smile.
"How much of my stuff did mom let you keep?"
"Of your really personal items? Most of it." he shrugged, stepping over. "It's... mostly still in the box in the spare room. I only took a few things out because..." he sighed. "I don't know why."
"It's fine." she hummed, setting the rock back, and then glancing up at the photos. She grinned. "Kept all those too, hm?"
"My therapist said it wouldn't hurt to have something to remind me of you around..." he said, quickly regretting saying that.
"Therapist?"
"Yeah..." he rubbed the back of his neck. "Hackett made me see one before I could be cleared for duty again." he paused. "She was nice. I've... thought about going to see her every now and then, just to sort of... get things off my chest, you know."
"What happened?" she asked, looking horrified as she reached out and gripped his shoulder. He didn't know how else to tell her.
"I fell apart." he shrugged her hand off, turning to sit in the chair behind him. "I wasn't the only one, but I definitely took the longest to recover from it." Kaidan lifted his gaze from his hands to her face as she sat across from him. "Took me a little over a year, before I actually did something I felt was productive."
"Why didn't you tell me any of this?"
"I didn't want you to feel responsible for my mental state. No one could have known what was going to happen, but I'm... I'm doing better now. I'm not necessarily back to how I was, but I'm as good as it's going to get."
She was quiet for a moment, and she stepped over to wrap her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. He knew she couldn't think of anything to say, but he put both arms around her, and rested his head on top of hers. The feeling of having her here, having part of his life back, made emotions bubble up. They needed to talk about what would happen, now. While there was still a chance for them to do so. But he felt Catherine's shoulders jerk, and a soft sound came form her that was muffled by his shirt.
"Hey, now..." he brushed his hand over the back of her head, looking down as she lifted her head. "Let's go sit down." She nodded, and they turned to sit on his couch. She didn't let go of him entirely, her hand secured in his with a grip that he knew was tight with fear.
"I don't want to have to leave without you." she said softly before he got the chance to ask. "I can't tell you how amazing it's been to have you back." Catherine looked to the floor. "I really wish you could come with me." she said quieter.
"If I go with you, I'd only distract you and keep you from getting things done." he sighed, managing to pull his hand from hers and push her hair aside as his hand slid to rest on her shoulder, pulling her closer. "You've been doing such an amazing job already, I don't want you to give up, or slow down. The quicker you can finish this, the quicker things can go back to normal..."
"What even is normal, anymore." she sighed. "Once I'm done with the Collectors, we still have to deal with the Reapers. It's just one fight after another, and I'm already getting tired."
"You won't be fighting them alone. You still have Garrus, Tali... All of us. We're going to be there for you no matter what. Some of us just might not be right beside you."
"Why do you always have to be right about these things." she smiled, laughing quietly. He grinned and kissed the top of her head.
"Because you're right about everything else."
"Good answer." she grinned, leaning back with a sigh.
It felt good to just sit there in the quiet with his arm around her. She leaned over to kiss his cheek, and then her head was resting on his shoulder. He asked if she wanted to watch a vid, or something, since she seemed comfortable enough where they were. After a nod, some shuffling, and then readjusting themselves, he was laying down with his shoes on the floor beside hers, holding her as she laid on top of him, both watching the movie he'd blindly picked. He didn't watch them often enough, and he knew she probably hadn't either. It's not like they were going to watch it for very long anyway. He was certain they both knew that, but they could pretend for a little while.
Sure enough about 10 minutes in, Catherine had begun shifting slightly, her hands wandering along his chest. He glanced at her with a smile, and she grinned, pulling herself up to kiss him. Her teeth dug into his lower lip and he groaned, reaching to pull her closer, grinding himself against her in the process. He thought she could have waited at least another 20 minutes, but he wasn't about to complain. While their lips were locked he managed to pause the vid, and turn off the screen, letting his hand tangle itself in her hair as he held the back of her head. Catherine pulled her lips from his with a broad grin, sitting up once he loosened his hold on her head, hand falling to her waist.
"Is rude of me to ask if we can take this somewhere else?"
"Not at all." he smirked as he pulled her down against him, causing her to shriek with laughter as she fought against his grip while he sat up, planting his feet on the floor to hold her tighter and kiss her neck.
Apparently Catherine's only defense left was to kiss him, because he was soon being pushed into the back of the couch. After a moment, he pushed back, and stood up. At the same time he'd scooped her up, and her legs were locked around him the same as her arms were. As he walked in the general direction of the bedroom, she moved her mouth down to his chin, and then along his jaw, letting her teeth scrape at the stubble there. Her barely set her down before she rolled her body beneath him, his body pressing into her without him even thinking to do so.
Soon their hands were fumbling and grasping at their clothes, practically ripping them off and throwing them to the floor, or just tossing carelessly. He wished he could have taken his time with her, but maybe he would get that chance before one of them had to leave again. For now, he could give in to that mindless urge to just have her, and be with her. It was getting harder to ignore, each time.
Catherine giggled as she crawled back towards the center of the bed without her clothes to get in the way, Kaidan crawling after her with a grin as they settled against each other, things slowing down as he took his time to commit her body to memory once more. Her lips were the first thing on his list, and he eased her down onto his pillow, letting her hair spill around her head as his tongue darted out to leave a trail on her lips before parting them to explore her mouth. He could feel her nails lightly raking along the spot between his shoulders, and he groaned quietly into her mouth before taking a moment to catch his breath, kissing along her jaw like she had earlier.
He made a trail all the way down her body, covering her in kisses, grinning when she laughed as he found those ticklish spots again, and remembering the places that seemed to elicit a particularly strong reaction from her. Though the moment his lips passed her waistline, she was squirming, both aware of what he was doing.
"Kaidan," she said, getting him to stop for a moment and look up at her. Her eyes were dark and she grinned, scooting away from him just slightly so she could sit up a bit more and lean against the wall. One leg was flat while the other was bent, and Kaidan looped his arm beneath it to pull himself back where he wanted to be. "Go ahead." she giggled, biting her lower lip as she smiled.
Catherine gasped softly when he brought his tongue against her core, pressing it just enough to tease before he pulled it back and placed his whole mouth over her. He felt her fingers comb his hair back a bit as he gently sucked, getting a heady moan from her when she gripped his hair and pressed her hips towards him. Kaidan pushed his tongue within her, and was rewarded when she sighed, relaxing her hips as he caressed her, humming softly when he looked up and found her eyes were closed and her head was turned to her right. She was still biting her lip, harder than earlier and more to keep herself silent, he suspected.
She groaned with frustration, and opened her eyes when he removed his mouth, and began pulling her to lay down again. She smiled, but it wasn't until a few moments later she realized he'd hooked her leg over his shoulder, and she gave him a rather playful glare - her lips quirking just slightly - daring him to try something else.
"What is it?" he asked, leaning down and lightly pressing her leg towards her chest, grinning.
"You're a terrible man, Kaidan." she said quietly, then gasping again when he brushed his fingers over her. "God damn you." she groaned while he chuckled.
"You're too easy to tease, Catherine." he shrugged his shoulder, letting her leg slide down to the bed as he kissed her. She seemed to sigh with some relief, though judging by the way she jumped as his thumb happened to grace over her again, biotics humming and intensifying his touch. Catherine moaned softly, frustration lining the sound as she struggled to keep still beneath him.
"Kaidan, please-" she nearly whined after another minute of putting up with his teasing. He pulled his hand away and wrapped it around her waist as he pressed into her, his jaw going slack for a moment before he put his lips to her jaw, just beneath her ear.
It was too soon for him when she cried out his name, her biotics surrounding her this time, pulling him against her with a grip he couldn't escape. He was nearly there, but it just didn't look like it was going to happen. Her grip seemed to loosen up after a minute, but she didn't seem so willing to let him go just yet. Kaidan pressed a few kisses to her jaw, and then her fingers were combing through his hair again as she hummed softly.
"Need me to do anything for you?" she asked through her ragged breaths.
"I... wouldn't ask you to-"
"You don't have to, I'm offering." she said, letting him prop himself up a bit so they could look at each other. He smiled and sighed as his head dropped. He wanted it, but he didn't want to ask, or make her feel like she had to. When he looked up, he kissed her lightly and they took a moment to re-situate themselves.
It felt nice to lay back, and at the moment, Catherine was taking her time with him. His thumb was rubbing circles over her hip while she gave him something resembling a massage. He knew she was capable of doing more than she was, but for right now, she was just trying to get him to relax enough for her to work with. And it didn't take long before he was actually beginning to feel a bit worn out. He was about to tell her she could just relax with him, but she hit something and it shot through to his groin, making him groan.
"There we go." she whispered, clearly grinning as her hands began to wander over his chest again, like earlier. Then her voice was in his ear, "You're going to sit still for me, right?"
"No promises but I'll try." he said, kissing her before she took him into her hands. Her touch was almost too gentle, but he nearly forgot about that as her tongue wrapped around his shaft. Kaidan was a firm believer that there wasn't anything Catherine couldn't do well with her mouth, and that was one of her best kept secrets. He fought himself to keep still when she eased his tip past her lips. He felt terrible for some of the things that ran through his mind in that moment, but he knew there was no way he was letting her go, now. Not for anyone or anything. He was going to make sure she knew that, as soon as she was finished with him.
He should have known he'd be leaving without her. He couldn't even tell her where he was going, it was all classified. And there had been hints at a promotion if he did well here. He thought about not waking her but that was near impossible. So he waited for her to wake up. She stretched out, and he couldn't help but run his hand down her side, and then back up, kissing the back of her neck and pressing his forehead against the spot. She hummed softly and took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
"You're still going to be here when I'm done fighting the Collectors, right?" she asked quietly, staring at the window, light radiating from behind the closed curtains there.
"I promised you I wasn't going anywhere." he said, sighing. "Unfortunately, I don't know if I'll be here here."
"Did they give you another assignment?" she asked, turning a bit to face him. He nodded and she smiled. "That's good, though. It'll give you something to do for a little bit."
"Yeah. I just don't know what it is exactly."
"Hm..." she turned in her spot to face him, letting her hand trail along his jaw, before she pulled herself into his chest. "You'll be fine, whatever it is. You're good at what you do, and if you aren't necessarily great at something, you still do your best."
"I hope that's not you trying to tell me something about last night." he smirked.
"Oh no." she chuckled. "You're pretty fantastic in bed."
"Now if I could just get you to say that into a microphone..." he grinned. She rolled her eyes.
"Careful, Kaidan. I know all sorts of people who could do terrible things with something like that."
"I believe you." He sighed, smiling. They laid there for a few more minutes before he nudged her. "I should really start getting ready to go, though. They want me shipped out by this afternoon."
"Alright..." she said, sitting up as he did, though she remained in bed, bringing her legs to her chest. He glanced back at her while he pulled out a clean pair of boxers and put them on.
"Catherine?"
"Hm?"
"What's wrong?"
She shrugged, and looked around a bit.
"I just don't want to leave here. Even if you weren't here, this almost feels more like home to me than the Normandy."
"You can stay here however long you want." he said, pulling his pants on and then walking over to kiss her lightly, sitting next to her on the bed. "I'd much rather have you stay here than have to go out and furnish a new apartment, honestly. There's room here for you - hell if you wanted you could have your own room across the hall, I don't use it."
"You don't want to live with me, Kaidan." she muttered, smiling as she looked down.
"Why not?"
"I'm a messy person, and... I'm just not cut out for... that..."
"I could use a little more mess around here." he shrugged. "The past couple of days haven't been that bad, have they?"
"No!" she said, looking up almost distraught, "I just don't think... I don't know know, I don't feel ready for that yet."
"That's fine." Kaidan shrugged. "You don't have to... move in with me. But at least you know you have someplace to sleep comfortably when you're on the Citadel. Whether or not I'm here. You don't have to commit to anything." He watched her nod, and lean against him.
"Go get your stuff together." she said quietly, then crawling out of the bed and into the bathroom to start up the shower.
He hadn't necessarily meant for her to move in with him when he'd said something. But he didn't mind the idea either. Maybe with time, she'd get used to it, and take him up on it. It would be nice to come back and not be entirely alone. He heard her humming once she got in the shower, and he grinned, pulling out a few spare clothes and throwing them into his bag. It was hard for him to imagine his future where she wasn't a part of it, somehow. He was sure that the worst that could happen between them was they agreed it might be better to see other people. But judging by how tight she hugged him, and the way she seemed to always be smiling around him, he couldn't see that being the case. But still, it would be better than nothing.
The shower stopped running, and not a moment later Catherine was walking out, wrapped in a towel. She glanced over at him, and smiled as she came over to stretch herself up to kiss his cheek.
It was on the tip of his tongue. He knew how he felt, he wanted her to know too. She stepped away and he sighed quietly, finishing his packing and half watching her get dressed, as well as gather up some of her clothes that were in a pile. She had no idea what was going through his mind, or that he was so scared to say something she probably already knew.
I love you so much, Catherine.