Chapter 5
I walk into the clubhouse and Tara is there waiting on me. She follows me and Luanne down the hallway and seems confused when I go into Happy's room but she doesn't say anything. "Lucy, I just want to check you out okay." she says softly. "Okay." I say as more tears fill my eyes. She pulls me into a hug and let's me cry. Luanne excuses herself and leaves me and Tara alone. "I'll take it slow and be gentle okay." she assures me and I nod. Laying on the bed, I take off my sweatpants and panties and she does her exam. "Looks like there is a little tearing but nothing too major. I have some meds for you and the morning after pill too." she says. "I'm on birth control." I tell her. "Good but still take this just in case." she says and I take it. She remains sitting on the bed and says, "It will be okay. I'm here if you need to talk." she says. "Thanks Tara." I say and she smiles softly and says "I have to ask though, why are we in Happy's room?" I am still looking at my hands and say "He told me I am his. He wants me in here." I tell her and she says "He won't let this happen again. You know that." I nod my head and she says "Get some rest. I'll let Luanne know what's going on." I nod again. "Thanks again Tara." I say and she nods her head.
I was still sleeping when Happy came in. He undresses and gets in the bed and pulls me to him. I wake up a little startled and he whispers "It's me little girl. I got you." I relax at the sound of his voice and curl into him. I feel safe with him. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "I'm okay I think. Tara gave me some meds and one of them makes me sleep." I tell him. "Rest. It's late. We'll talk in the morning." he tells me before kissing the top of my head.
The next morning, I wake up still curled into his side. I take the meds that Tara gave me and Happy and I head out to the main room. "Church!" Jax calls. "You too, Lucy." he says and I stiffen up. "It's okay. Just stay with me." Happy says. I walk in and walk over to Happy's seat. Standing beside him, he pulls me closer and onto his lap. I feel his thumb rubbing my hip and it calms me. Everyone looks at me confused but doesn't say anything. "Okay, Luc, I know this is hard but I need you to tell me what happened?" Jax says and they all look at me with even more confused faces. "Do you all remember a few weeks ago, when I was pissed off and wouldn't speak to anyone?" I asked. They all nod their heads. Everyone was worried that night because I am normally happy and chipper. "Well, I was supposed to have a date that night with a guy that I was working with at the time named Dylan. But I saw him outside the office with another co-worker and they were making out so I had Juice bring me here and I stood him up." I say looking down at my hands. "A few days ago, he left that rose and a card on my windshield and broke into my house and left another note with lingerie on my bed when I left the house. Uh, yesterday, Luanne sent me home because I was upset and, uh…" I say, fighting back tears and Happy whispers "It's okay. I got you." I take a deep breath and continue. "I walked into the house and Dylan was there. He held a gun to my side and forced me to the bedroom. He made me strip and tied me to the bed and he, he, raped me." I say before breaking down. The guys all look at me with looks of heartbreak and anger. Luanne walks into the chapel to help me walk out and Jax speaks up "We will take care of it but you don't leave this clubhouse until we do." I just nod my head and Luanne helps me to my room and I lay on my bed and cry.
A little bit later, I hear my door open and Happy comes in. Sitting down on the side of the bed, he touches my hip and I stiffen. "Why are you in here?" he asked. "It's my room. I can't stay in your room Happy." I say. "Why not?" he asked. "Happy, I can't be with you. I can't even handle being touched by anyone. I'm damaged. Just please leave it alone. All of you." I plead. He just nods his head and walks to the door but before leaving he says "You ain't damaged." I hear the door close and I begin to sob again.
I don't leave my room for the next couple of days. Tara, Luanne and Gemma take turns bringing me food and checking on me. "Sweetheart you can't keep yourself cooped up." Gemma says. "I can't handle going home and I can't handle the looks of pity the guys are giving me." I tell her. "Sweetheart, I am going to tell you something. When you were away at school, I was attacked. The guys that attacked me were trying to send a message to the club. They raped me, repeatedly." she tells me. I look at her shocked. "How did you handle it?" I asked. "I kept it to myself for a little while but then I saw how it was tearing the guys apart and finally told them. Sweetheart, you will come out of this. You are strong." she says. "It's not coming out of this that bothers me. It's not being able to be with Happy." I tell her. "Baby, he's worried about you. He cares about you." she tells me. "Yeah, and I am so fucking damaged and can't give him what he needs. Gemma, I was a fucking virgin." I tell her. "Oh Sweetheart, it will be okay. I promise." she says. I lay back down and turn my back to her and she gets up and leaves the room. As she closes the door, I hear her and Happy talking. "How is she?" Happy asked. "She thinks you won't want her. She wanted you to be her first." she says. "Fuck." he says. "Hap, what's going on with you and her?" she asked and I didn't think he would answer. Gemma spoke up and I heard her, "You love her don't you?" she asked. I didn't hear him answer and Gemma said "Tell her. She needs to hear that right now."
Happy walks into the room and lays down on the bed and says "Come here." When I don't, he pulls me to him and looks me in the eyes and says "You know I don't talk about feelings and shit but this needs to be said. Lucy, you are perfect. You are strong, sweet and I don't know what you have done to me but I just want to wake up with you next to me. I love you little girl." he says and I feel tears rolling down my face again. "I love you too Hap." I say as I bury my face in his chest and he lets me cry.