Guardian
A/N: Two things – First, I'm on a business trip 11/4-11/7, so no chapters will be posted those days. I did pick up a fresh notebook though, so I'll likely have handwritten quite a bit for when I return. Just didn't want you to think I'd suddenly dropped the story ;)
Second, this story is rated T with a focus on the boys and Grace; however, I am seriously considering writing some additional scenes that will not be rated T and may not appeal to everyone following this story. If you are interested in reading those please drop a note in a review or PM and let me know. If there is interest, I'll post them under a secondary rated M story. While they will fit within the plot, opting not to read them will not affect your ability to follow the main story and they may sometimes just be more detailed, explicit versions of scenes found here. Again, let me know your interest.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and make no money doing this. I'm just having fun playing with them although it's starting to feel like I'm torturing them.
Chapter 16
Looking back to her granddaughter, Beth could tell she hadn't sleep well despite not waking up with any nightmares. While the girl was clearly delighted with the prospects of her Danno and Daddy working things out, the older woman suspected the overwhelming reality of everything else was starting to creep up.
Having taught in elementary school for thirty years in New Jersey before retiring, Mrs. Williams was reasonably adept at reading children and catching signs of stress. Given how calm the little girl had been since Steve found her, she suspected Grace had been working hard to stay focused on anything other than what she had witnessed Monday afternoon. Unfortunately, reality always managed to come crashing down. This was not the first time she'd seen someone cope with extreme grief this way.
Beth was glad to know that Daniel managed to get an appointment for Saturday with Dr. James. As the most highly recommended on Dr. Thompson's list they'd been surprised to get in so quickly; however, it appeared Steve's doctor had given her a quick call to smooth the way and she was willing to meet with them on the weekend.
As Grace climbed up into a stool on the counter, her grandmother looked her over carefully. Still wearing her pajamas, she'd also wrapped herself in what appeared to be one of her Daddy's button up shirts.
"Gracie, darling, how are you doing?" Beth rounded the island and perched on the stool next to her.
"I'm… I'm… I don't know."
Wrapping her arms around Grace, the woman was so glad she'd made the hasty trip to Hawaii. Holding her granddaughter tightly, she wondered if perhaps her husband was right. Maybe it was time to consider relocating to Hawaii.
"It's okay not to know, darling. You don't have to pretend to be okay for us. Remember, we're family. We're here to help you in any way we can."
Grace nodded against her grandmother's shoulder. She'd spent all the time locked in the bathroom focused on every possibly way that Steve might figure out she needed him to come for her. The first day after he found her being so relieved that he'd come and yesterday focusing on the plans she'd had for months to get Daddy and Danno together that she'd managed to push the memory of Monday down.
Last night, she'd had no nightmares. She hadn't woken up screaming, but when morning came the memories came with it. She'd swallowed the scream that threatened to rise and reached for Steve's shirt draped on the foot of the bed, determined to be tough like him.
/
Not expecting the others to be awake yet, the guys decided to take a short walk before heading to the house. They didn't realize Mom had caught what they'd agreed would be their official first kiss.
Starting off hand in hand, it wasn't long before they'd gravitated closer. Steve's arm slung around Danny's shoulders as Danny's slipped around his waist.
Reaching a small area of beach largely hidden by trees, the Seal finally turned on his partner. Capturing Danny's lips again, he moaned as the kiss was eagerly returned.
Several moments later, the pair finally stepped apart again. Looking up at the sun, Steve realized that by now there was a good chance Mom and Grace would be awake. Guiding Danny back toward the house, he relished this quiet time together. This new dynamic between them would take some getting used to, but they'd been so close for so long that it actually felt like a relatively easy transition.
"Why do I feel like this is the calm before the storm?" Steve finally asked as they came within sight of home.
"You consider the last two days to be calm?" The detective's tone was a bit startled.
"The more I think about it, yes. I do. I know they've been eventful, but after what we know Grace experienced Monday I do think things have been entirely too calm." The Seal was genuinely worried.
Her question the day before had made him start thinking about things from his past. Things he'd tried so hard to forget, but that one-day always managed to come back with a vengeance.
"I know. It's a good thing Dr. James was willing to get us in so fast. Next time you talk to Dr. Thompson let him know how much I appreciate his help there."
Smiling down at his partner, Steve was glad his visits to the shrink were no longer a secret. "I will. He knows how much you guys mean to me, so I'm sure he was more than happy to help."
"Why do I feel like there's something else you aren't telling me?" Stopping to retrieve the discarded towel and water bottle, Danny turned to face the Seal. "This isn't just some generic concern about Gracie, is it?"
The usually stoic man looked met his eyes. "No Danny, it's not. I'm afraid she's going to try to be like us. To be tough and not let people see how scared and upset she really is. I don't want to scare her with the things I've done, but I feel like I need to tell her more. Tell her that I'm not always tough; tell her how trying to be so tough almost did me in. I want her to know that she can talk to us, tell us anything, and we won't think she's weak because of it. I want her to know that seeing Dr. James isn't something to be ashamed of."
The detective stared up silently at his partner before giving in and folding him into his arms. His voice quiet, he was in awe of the man he loved. "That, babe, is part of why I love you so much. You are willing to do whatever it takes to help our daughter. Don't think I don't know just how hard it is for you to admit all of this. How hard it is for you to dredge up memories and emotions that you wish would stay buried. Why don't you talk to Gracie today?"
Giving the Seal a gentle kiss on the cheek, Danny released his hold and reached for the other man's hand. "Why don't we go see if they are awake?"
Opening the door to the house, the pair heard Mom's voice muffled in the kitchen. Not wanting to startle them, Danny called out a quick hello.
What they weren't expecting was the sight of Grace running past them and fleeing up the stairs. The pair gave each other a startled look. Both wanted to run after and make sure she was okay, but it took them a moment to regain the ability to move. By that time, Beth was standing in the entry with them.
"She didn't want you to see her cry. Didn't want you think she was weak." Mom looked at them. She'd tried to tell her granddaughter that it was okay. That even Danno and Daddy weren't always tough, but the girl was too upset to consider all the time's she'd see the two men upset.
"Babe," Danny turned to Steve. "I hope you're ready, because I think it's time for that talk."
Nodding his head, the Seal quickly bound up the steps after their daughter as the detective turned to his mother. "He may be emotionally challenged sometimes, but that man is incredibly perceptive and loves that little girl more than life itself."
He wrapped an arm around his mom and led her back to the kitchen.
"I do believe he loves someone else that much too." She smiled at him. "I'm glad you two worked things out. She's going to need both of you to get through this."
/
The door to Grace's room was still ajar and Steve could hear the sound of quiet sobbing within. Hearing that sound, it felt like someone had ripped his heart out and was doing an Irish jig on it.
Knocking softly, he called out to her. "Gracie, its Daddy. Can I come in?"
He didn't hear a negative, so he gently pushed the door open. What he saw only made him feel worse. She was draped across the bed, head buried in the crook of her arm, back facing the door.
Not wanting to get her bed wet with his still damp trunks, he walked over to the side of the bed where her head was and knelt on the floor. Placing his arms on the bed next to her, he threaded the fingers of his hands together and rested his chin on them.
He wanted to reach out and haul her into his arms, but if she was as much like he and Danny as he feared she would need a chance to collect herself before she would let him. A terrified Grace couldn't get into their protective arms fast enough, but this wasn't just fear.
"Sweetheart, I know you're upset and I just want to help. I think maybe it's time I told you a few things about me." Her sobs seemed to be quieting. A part of him hoped that his presence was enough to help calm her some, enough that she would be able to listen.
"Before I met you and Danno I was really lonely. I'd done a lot of things that I didn't like to think about. Things that helped keep us safe, but that were really hard. I had nightmares sometimes, but I never told anyone. I kept everything bottled up, believing that if I told anybody, if I showed anybody that those things hurt me that they would think I was weak."
Continuing to stare at the brown haired girl in front of him, he noticed a small shift of her head. Just enough to tell him that she was hearing him.
"I didn't want them to think that. I'm supposed to be one of the tough ones, somebody that everyone else can rely on. After I met the two of you, I started to realize that maybe trying to take on everything myself wasn't so tough. Danno was so quick to admit that he needed you. He didn't try to hide how he felt, when he was worried he'd tell me all about it. I started to see that it didn't make him weak to need someone else or to admit it. It made him stronger. When he admitted he didn't know what to do or how to fix something we could always figure it out together."
He gave a weak smile when her eyes finally looked up at him.
"Gracie, it was you and Danno that taught me that it was okay not to bottle up everything inside. I started talking to Danno sometimes, when it was things I wouldn't get in trouble for sharing, and that helped. He would listen, sometimes he would tell me how stupid and reckless I'd been, but he never made me feel bad for needing to talk. Even you, there were days when you just seemed to know that I was sad or something was wrong. You never pushed me to talk, but you were always there with a hug; a chance to remind myself that I wasn't just the man that had done all those things."
The little girl sat up and scrambled down from the bed to sit next to him. Shifting his own body, he sat with his legs stretched out in front of him, watching her look up at him. Opening his arms, she wasted no time accepting the silent invitation and launched herself into his lap.
Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tight and kissed the top of her head. "We don't want you to bottle everything up, Gracie. We want you to talk to us, to talk to Dr. James tomorrow." They'd already mentioned she was going to see the doctor. "The thing is we didn't just pick Dr. James out of a hat. I have a doctor just like her that works for the Navy. Dr. Thompson is the one that I talk to when I need to talk about stuff that I can't tell Danno. I called him, because I wanted you to have someone to talk to, someone that might have better answers than Danno and me."
Steve heard Danny's footsteps as he entered the room. Lowering himself to the floor next to his daughter and partner, Danny leaned against the Seal's shoulder. He'd been standing outside listening and was impressed with how well Steve was explaining things in a way that would hopefully help her start to see she didn't need to hide what she was feeling.
"Monkey, we will love you no matter what and we will be here to help you in every possible way, but Super Seal is right. There are answers that we may not have and we want you to be comfortable talking to Dr. James. We will go with you too, because sometimes we might all want to talk to her together."
The little girl nodded her head. "You won't be disappointed that I can't be tough all the time?"
"Gracie," Steve was quick to answer. "You don't have to be tough all the time, but what I've learned is that sometimes admitting you need help and letting people in actually means you're a lot tougher than trying to hide it all inside."
The little girl rested her head against his shoulder, right next to her Danno's. He shifted slightly, so his arm could join Steve's wrapped around her. For a while, the remained quietly on the floor each gaining a bit of strength to face whatever came next simply from knowing that they would all face it together.
/
A/N: Please take a second to review including any feedback on the second part of my note at the beginning.
I'll do my best to get something posted Thursday afternoon or evening upon my return, but should have the next chapter up by Friday at the latest. Chances are I'll have several chapters written up by then.